Re: Old

1

I always forget that other parents are younger than me. They seem so mature compared to my self image.


Posted by: Sifu Tweety | Link to this comment | 08-19-14 7:20 AM
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We had our fourth about the time most people around here have their first. I think the next town over is the highest average age of first child in the state, which is itself high for the country. With our first the parenting groups (which are more useful with your first than later ones) were seriously full of the olds. And my wife looks pretty young to begin with, people often thought she was the nanny when she'd be out with our first one or two.


Posted by: SP | Link to this comment | 08-19-14 7:25 AM
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I get asked if I'm the grandmother. I don't actually get much fussed about it, but I haven't found a response that doesn't leave the asker feeling embarrassed.


Posted by: Sand | Link to this comment | 08-19-14 7:25 AM
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At 41 when xelA was born, I guess I'm fairly old. It doesn't particularly seem that way in the playground or at the nursery. I'd guess I'm fairly smack in the range for parents where we live. The friends I know locally who have young kids are all [on the whole] within a couple of years of me either side. I have one friend who is a bit older than me whose kids are in their twenties and he thinks the rest of us are mad for leaving it so late.

Within my family, however, I'm quite odd. My mum was 18 when she had me, and my sister's kids are in their teens and twenties [and she's my _younger_ sister].


Posted by: nattarGcM ttaM | Link to this comment | 08-19-14 7:28 AM
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Yeah per 2 I think we're right around the middle of the range here, probably.


Posted by: Sifu Tweety | Link to this comment | 08-19-14 7:28 AM
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Oh look I answered the opposite question, how does it feel to have kids so much earlier than everyone else in your social group. Too bad, granny.


Posted by: SP | Link to this comment | 08-19-14 7:28 AM
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My experience is not going to track well, given that my age-related stuff is mostly "How the fuck do I have 20-year-olds when I'm only 34 and 20 doesn't feel that long ago?" when of course the answer is "not by birth, so don't sweat it." But people always assume Lee is much younger than she is (early 50s) and often that I'm older than she is, so we've been getting all this advice about how she's so young and active and we totally don't have to stop at three when in fact she's older than at least two of the girls' grandmothers.


Posted by: Thorn | Link to this comment | 08-19-14 7:30 AM
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I'm just a few years (first at almost 38) behind friends and, from what I can tell, neighbors. But I sure do feel ancient.


Posted by: ogged | Link to this comment | 08-19-14 7:34 AM
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Was 42 and 44 when my kids were born. Never felt old or stigmatized in any way, but I live in a non-judgey part of the world.


Posted by: politicalfootball | Link to this comment | 08-19-14 7:40 AM
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10

3: "No, I'm just a great mother."?


Posted by: MHPH | Link to this comment | 08-19-14 7:44 AM
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36 feels oldish to me but not out of whack. I don't think that I, if I were a man, would want to have a super young kid at 50.

I feel like 30 or 32 is the right age for a woman. Maybe this is because I know a lot of doctors who finish their residencies at 30, get established a little bit by 32 and then have a kid.

That's just what seems normal to me. For a lawyer, 28 or so seems about right.

*These aren't really normative thought-out judgments, just sort of my unconscious internal script.


Posted by: Bostoniangirl | Link to this comment | 08-19-14 7:48 AM
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My wife was terrified of encountering this stigma since she was officially in the "Advanced Maternal Age" category (35+). One of her first OB appointments cured her of that as the staff assured her that her "advanced" age for a first was totally normal around here.


Posted by: Nathan Williams | Link to this comment | 08-19-14 7:48 AM
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My wife explicitly said the shop was closed after 35 partly because of all the advanced age crap. Just made it in time with our last one, 34 and 3 months. I'm a year older.


Posted by: SP | Link to this comment | 08-19-14 7:58 AM
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I was 36 and 39 when I had mine, and in Japan also got mistaken for their grandmother. That's partly because of aging Western skin - I have more wrinkles than their Japanese great-grandmother. Here in Cambridge, though, I feel nice and normal.


Posted by: Ume | Link to this comment | 08-19-14 8:02 AM
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Also I have a vague fear that this many young children codes as very religious.

You could totally pass for a Mormon.


Posted by: gswift | Link to this comment | 08-19-14 8:06 AM
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We had our first (and only) when my wife was just a few months short of 40, which she had previously decided would be the cut-off for having kids. We were the oldest couple in our Lamaze class, except for the instructor, who was working on her third. One aspect of this was trying to convey her sense of urgency to the fertility specialists we were working with - they were all "ok, you should try working naturally within these parameters for six months, then if nothing happens we could try this," and she was all "no, give me the Clomid now." It was an artificial deadline, sure, but she had her reasons for it.


Posted by: Dave W. | Link to this comment | 08-19-14 8:10 AM
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My wife are both 40 years older than our adopted son (we were 41 at time of adoption). My wife insisted I dye my hair so we wouldn't be mistaken for grandparents when we were out with the toddler, a practice I have continued. We both experienced serious health issues when he was very young, and are not as spry as many our age now. The issue isn't stigma so much as guilt, that he'd be able to play tennis with his parents if we had adopted ten years earlier, etc. On the other hand, if it had been ten years earlier he hadn't been born and we would have adopted some other child. Of all of the ways I sometimes think of myself as a bad parent, being old is somewhere in the middle.


Posted by: unimaginative | Link to this comment | 08-19-14 8:24 AM
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My wife had ours at 37. When we went back to the fertility specialist two years later, the answer was "not without in-vitro", and even then the chances weren't great. So we decided to be happy with just the one kid.

My son is pissed off he doesn't have any siblings, but that's the way it is.

Also, there were a few years of acquaintances asking "when are you having the next one?" And that was just a painful question. Don't ask people that.


Posted by: Spike | Link to this comment | 08-19-14 8:27 AM
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10--thanks I'll have to try that.


Posted by: Sand | Link to this comment | 08-19-14 8:35 AM
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And I thought about dyeing my hair, but just can't quite make myself. And I'm not that far out if true norm at the university, just in the surrounding town.


Posted by: Sand | Link to this comment | 08-19-14 8:40 AM
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To 3, the asker should be embarrassed. I mean really, what were they hoping for when they asked? Same goes for any variation of "what is your exact relationship to this child".


Posted by: L. | Link to this comment | 08-19-14 8:57 AM
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I should add that we don't like being thought of as being the kind of people who "waited too long" to try to make a baby because we were more concerned about our careers. At least we assume that's what most people think when they meet a tenured professor and a lawyer who adopted a baby at 41. In fact, we were married at 24, and stopped using birth control when we were 27.

But since no one raises this topic, it's pretty much in our imaginations that that's what people are thinking. Not really a stigma except in our own minds.


Posted by: unimaginative | Link to this comment | 08-19-14 9:04 AM
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I should add that we don't like being thought of as being the kind of people who "waited too long" to try to make a baby because we were more concerned about our careers. At least we assume that's what most people think when they meet a tenured professor and a lawyer who adopted a baby at 41. In fact, we were married at 24, and stopped using birth control when we were 27.

But since no one raises this topic, it's pretty much in our imaginations that that's what people are thinking. Not really a stigma except in our own minds.


Posted by: unimaginative | Link to this comment | 08-19-14 9:04 AM
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24

I feel like nearly every man I know who got a faculty job in the last three or four years became a father shortly thereafter, so early-to-mid 30s. This isn't true (mutatis mutandis) of any of the women I know who recently got faculty jobs.


Posted by: essear | Link to this comment | 08-19-14 9:12 AM
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One of my great-grandmothers was 40 when she had my grandfather in 1910. Only child. (Her husband was a year or two younger. That's why she put only her death date and not her birthdate on her tomb stone.


Posted by: Bostoniangirl | Link to this comment | 08-19-14 9:34 AM
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It's amazing how much of a class thing this is currently. I had my first kid at 33 and was (at least) 10 years younger than the median Dad when the kid went to fancy private school. Now, at extremely non-fancy public school, I'm about 10 years older than the median Dad.


Posted by: Robert Halford | Link to this comment | 08-19-14 9:35 AM
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23, 24: I knew someone in the UK whose baby died a horrible drawn-out death after time spent in the NICU. She adopted two boys from Latin America. (She's Catholic). In the UK, they wouldn't let her adopt over 40.


Posted by: Bostoniangirl | Link to this comment | 08-19-14 9:36 AM
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I was 27 and then 36 for ours. People we've met in the last 5 years are sometimes surprised to learn there's an older child -- she hasn't lived with us for many years now -- but it's not because we don't look old enough.


Posted by: CharleyCarp | Link to this comment | 08-19-14 9:49 AM
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Yeah, I don't like the stigma even though for me it's mostly true-- I waited until very late to decide I'd rather be a single mother than childless. And the visibility does have advantages. For every person who asks if I'm the grandmother, there's an older woman who finds a way to take me aside and say something supportive. I don't mean to be making a political statement, but I guess in this region I sort of am.


Posted by: Sand | Link to this comment | 08-19-14 9:50 AM
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30

And when I started investigating at 42, I was discouraged from trying adoption. They said I wasn't technically too old, but...


Posted by: Sand | Link to this comment | 08-19-14 9:52 AM
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I was 31 and 34 for our two. Mrs. Chopper is a couple years younger. Felt and feels totally normal, both in metropolitan Minnesota and small-town California.


Posted by: Chopper | Link to this comment | 08-19-14 9:56 AM
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32

I feel like nearly every man I know who got a faculty job in the last three or four years became a father shortly thereafter, so early-to-mid 30s.

Ladies just go for men in long academic gowns. They can't help themselves.


Posted by: ajay | Link to this comment | 08-19-14 10:02 AM
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33

I feel like nearly every man I know who got a faculty job in the last three or four years became a father shortly thereafter

Is there something you want to announce, essear?


Posted by: md 20/400 | Link to this comment | 08-19-14 10:03 AM
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34

I'm 35 and lost our first chance a month ago (~10 weeks along). But when the doctor assumed I'd like to try again, I asked for birth control. I'm right at that age where I'm doing post-docs and looking for a permanent job and it just feels way too unstable. I already feel older that the norm for that phase, and I know that when we start trying again, I'll feel old even for academics. My husband is younger and doing a PhD so I think I come off younger than I am but I feel old.


Posted by: hydrobatidae | Link to this comment | 08-19-14 10:03 AM
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35

I commented on this at your blog, but I never thought mid-30s was 'old' to have children until I lived in the particular town I'm in in England. I looked up the stats recently and while we're no longer in the top ten of teen pregnancies, they're still very high compared to what I'm used to, and lots of people are having kids in their early 20s. (Corollary to this: I have never met so many young grandparents before!) So anyway, now I feel terribly old to be married and childless!


Posted by: Parenthetical | Link to this comment | 08-19-14 10:13 AM
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36

And oh, hydrobatidae, I'm sorry.


Posted by: Parenthetical | Link to this comment | 08-19-14 10:17 AM
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37

I was 31 and 34 for our two. Mrs. Chopper is a couple years younger. Felt and feels totally normal, both in metropolitan Minnesota and small-town California.

That's normal everywhere. Among the UMC cultural elites 24 would be abnormal, but 41 would be normal. Among small-town folk, the reverse.


Posted by: Cryptic ned | Link to this comment | 08-19-14 10:23 AM
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38

At 27 and 29 for my two, I never felt terribly old or young. But now, in my forties, there's a cohort of people in my office my age with babies or little kids, and I feel oddly older than they do -- the stuff they're dealing with is from so long ago for me.


Posted by: LizardBreath | Link to this comment | 08-19-14 10:26 AM
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37 -- I don't disagree, but: as I said at fancy private school I was absolutely the youngest dad n the class at 38 with a five year old, with most dads at least 10 years older. In part just random chance but still pretty striking. It really is weird that this difference has become such a marker of social class.

Sorry Hdbtb.


Posted by: Robert Halford | Link to this comment | 08-19-14 10:31 AM
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40

Actually, my only friends who are truly rich both had kids in their late 20s, so I guess it's just a class marker for striving upper income professionals.

I'm now almost 40 with a two month old, and it really is harder physically than when I was in my early 30s, though many other things including just having gone through it once before make it easier mentally.


Posted by: Robert Halford | Link to this comment | 08-19-14 10:40 AM
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41

hydrobatidae: very sorry


Posted by: Bostoniangirl | Link to this comment | 08-19-14 10:41 AM
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42

On both age and number of kids, heebie, you seem very French to me. Meant with affection!


Posted by: dairy queen | Link to this comment | 08-19-14 10:44 AM
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43

Very sorry, Hydrobatidae.


Posted by: Sand | Link to this comment | 08-19-14 10:47 AM
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44

Thanks guys. I have such mixed feelings and haven't had time or energy to deal with it so it's been weird.


Posted by: hydrobatidae | Link to this comment | 08-19-14 10:50 AM
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45

hydrobatidae, stopped at one myself for very similar reasons, totally relate and send much sympathy. Very difficult circumstances for achieving clarity.


Posted by: dairy queen | Link to this comment | 08-19-14 10:51 AM
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Sorry, hydrobatidae. I keep typing and deleting things. I hope once you're able to be more settled physically you can do whatever is best for your family, regardless of age norms.


Posted by: Thorn | Link to this comment | 08-19-14 11:00 AM
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I'm about 38 years older than my daughter, 40 1/2 than my son. My wife is about 4 years younger than I am. We're dead normal for our urban professional circles. The only people ever surprised were my parents, who on the basis of nothing had concluded we didn't plan to have children.

My parents were both 34 when I was born, and my sister is 3 1/2 years younger. My grandfathers were both 39 and grandmothers 34 when my parents were born. Than pattern is many generations old; I'm only the 10th generation from 1635 and the Pequod War.

Several colleagues of mine found themselves pregnant in their 40s for the first time, both welcome events. And I've heard accounts at reunions of Warren Harding/Dohar Guy pregnancies to mature unmarried women, one of whom was fifty or nearly. And that was when they kept the baby: I probably wouldn't hear about when they didn't.

All but 2 of the women in my social circle dye their hair. One is a hippie-ish teacher nearing retirement who has always liked playing up the witch motif; she wears her grey hair long and loose. The other, a petite woman who heads a nonprofit, finds it givers her gravitas with both her employees and with donors.

Many dye their hair themselves, and don't seem concerned that it doesn't look particularly convincing. It functions as a marker, as sign you mean to be employable and adaptable.


Posted by: idp | Link to this comment | 08-19-14 11:13 AM
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On both age and number of kids, heebie, you seem very French to me.

This is an appealing notion! Can I be svelte, too?


Posted by: heebie-geebie | Link to this comment | 08-19-14 11:41 AM
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I and my sister were born when my mother was 36 and 40, respectively, so that age wasn't unheard of even back in the dark days of the 1980s.

When Teresa and I began thinking about having kids, we were told that as late as 45 is still possible naturally, and later is possible with more medical help, they just have to be more careful with monitoring and care for the health of both the mother and the fetus. (Don't quote me on the details.) So it can happen quite late, it's just less likely and harder.


Posted by: Cyrus | Link to this comment | 08-19-14 11:41 AM
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50

Also, hydrobatidae, I'm sorry - that sounds complicated and emotional.


Posted by: heebie-geebie | Link to this comment | 08-19-14 11:42 AM
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48: Svelteness may require smoking, and you like overt exercise, so those are poss problems.


Posted by: dairy queen | Link to this comment | 08-19-14 12:07 PM
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You're Texas svelte, heebs!


Posted by: Thorn | Link to this comment | 08-19-14 12:10 PM
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Damn, 52 is rough.


Posted by: Sifu Tweety | Link to this comment | 08-19-14 12:11 PM
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Oops, I was trying to be ridiculous rather than offensive. I'm not actually trying to fat-shame Texas, which seemed to have a pretty broad distribution of body types the one time I was there.


Posted by: Thorn | Link to this comment | 08-19-14 12:15 PM
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55

The distribution's not broad, it's just big-boned.


Posted by: Sifu Tweety | Link to this comment | 08-19-14 12:17 PM
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The broad's not distributed.


Posted by: Cyrus | Link to this comment | 08-19-14 12:42 PM
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I'm sorry for your troubles hdb;

I had my first when 24, which made me feel terribly old when I moved up a class or three, returning to Knifecrimea to be surrounded by cow-orkers to whom parenthood was an unnavigated adventure. My second at 36, when I felt younger. There is clearly a class thing going on here, too.


Posted by: Nworb Werdna | Link to this comment | 08-19-14 12:59 PM
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Here I am an outlier. I had my first kid at 33. My neighbor is 23 and our kids are the same age, and she was shocked that I was 35, which is clearly grandma territory here. (shiv helpfully agreed that I was indeed old.)

I also have a doctorate so I can say I really don't give a shit about whether I meet local missionary marriage norms.

But I think part of the weirdness is smaller family size. Neighborgirl may have only two or three kids -- we'd like two -- but that means she'll be done being pregnant at 25. My grandmother had her youngest at 37, and she only had three, but she had a lot of neighbors who had started younger but had four or five, so she wasn't an obviously older pregnant lady.


Posted by: Cala | Link to this comment | 08-19-14 1:11 PM
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I had A at 34, which seems pretty average for an attorney anywhere but Utah. I would guess that the other attorneys' wives at this firm have an average of four kids before they're 34. No one has asked if I'm the grandmother yet, but A is only three months old so there's still time!

I think I might try for a second kid when I'm 36. I used to say that the cutoff was 35, but I'm awfully fond of this first baby and I think I'll want to do this again in a few years.


Posted by: LizSpigot | Link to this comment | 08-19-14 1:22 PM
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Part of the reason I was happy to move away from Oxford was that I'd clearly started having children incorrectly in some way - most of the time I felt too young or over-educated to fit in. Was nice to move here and find much more of a spread of people, who didn't even care where you'd been to university.

At Kid A's (selective) school I feel young, at Kid B's comprehensive I feel like I am exactly right (she was born when I was 27.5). Interestingly, at Kid C's school, again selective, I am possibly back on the young side of average. Kid D is starting at Kid B's school in a couple of weeks, and I am resigned to finally feeling like an old mum. I don't think it will make me dye my hair. I would like the white hairs to be, I dunno, pink or something, I think that would look exciting, but I have no need for them to brown. But white hair doesn't dye very easily.


Posted by: asilon | Link to this comment | 08-19-14 1:29 PM
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54: I laughed.


Posted by: heebie-geebie | Link to this comment | 08-19-14 2:15 PM
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Sorry for your loss, storm petrel. I met a junior professor a few years ago who decided after a miscarriage that she'd dodged a bullet, and was pretty happy with the decision to be childfree. (I was sitting there semi-awkwardly pregnant, trying to figure out a way to express gracefully my total lack of conviction that I was making the right choice. I think I just congratulated her on being happy with her decision.)

My sister's nightmare pregnancy (latest: bad news A has been replaced with marginally better bad news B, to be confirmed by amnio) has left me very confused about having additional kids, and/or letting the clock tick much longer without a final decision. I mean, Christ, I don't think I'm that uncomfortable with the idea that it's best for me to stop and devote resources to my existing/potential nieces/nephews, but for some reason I feel sulky and blue about it anyway. What the fuck. I'm the last person on earth who should be sad about this.


Posted by: lurid keyaki | Link to this comment | 08-19-14 2:29 PM
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...for some reason I feel sulky and blue about it anyway. What the fuck. I'm the last person on earth who should be sad about this.

For what it's worth, it seems totally reasonable to me that these events are making you anxious about the parts of your life that correspond to what your sister is going through. I would guess if anything it is a result of sympathy for your sister, that it's hitting you so personally, and definitely not something to beat yourself up over.

Not to try to tell you what's going on with your own experience, but maybe... to try to share the result of prior introspection, in the hopes that it helps?

Anyway, I hope the news continues to improve.


Posted by: remy | Link to this comment | 08-19-14 3:05 PM
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59: congratulations on the arrival of the Spiglet! Does "A" mean you decided not to go with Reagan?


Posted by: L. | Link to this comment | 08-19-14 3:28 PM
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65

It has recently occurred to me that now is probably the most convenient opportunity to get pregnant that I'll have for the next few years. It seems way too soon, though. Also I'm not sure how well my sexist-ass department would handle it.


Posted by: L. | Link to this comment | 08-19-14 3:35 PM
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64: Thanks! Yes, we decided on A/va. The thread on Unfogged made me start to worry. We talked about the name and decided on A/va. That night my water broke so I figured she didn't want me to revert back to Reagan. I'm really glad I changed the name; I think it suits her quite nicely.


Posted by: LizSpigot | Link to this comment | 08-19-14 3:41 PM
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65 -- go for it. You will be so psyched you did in like 15 years.


Posted by: Robert Halford | Link to this comment | 08-19-14 3:50 PM
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I'm having slight baby name indigestion. We have a name I like, but I'm self-conscious of telling people it because it's nontraditional and we have no "reason" whatsoever. It's not a family name, has no special meaning, etc. I feel like I need a cover story for it.


Posted by: heebie-geebie | Link to this comment | 08-19-14 3:56 PM
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Grad school has always struck me as the perfect time for having a baby. Not that I know anything. (We're not having kids, so questions of timing were never relevant.)


Posted by: Unfoggetarian: "Pause endlessly, then go in" (9) | Link to this comment | 08-19-14 3:58 PM
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68 -- it's the name of the baby's real father (or his mother).


Posted by: Robert Halford | Link to this comment | 08-19-14 4:00 PM
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That's kind of awesome.


Posted by: heebie-geebie | Link to this comment | 08-19-14 4:02 PM
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I recently had a friend (not in your dept.) describe your department as the only one of the top departments which is so dysfunctional that he wouldn't consider working there solely on that basis.


Posted by: Unfoggetarian: "Pause endlessly, then go in" (9) | Link to this comment | 08-19-14 4:03 PM
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I still regret not holding out for Casimir (homage à Phillipe Clay, le Sepentin), would have been perfect for our guy, you should go for it!


Posted by: dairy queen | Link to this comment | 08-19-14 4:05 PM
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I'm kidding on the (not-quite) square, but I kinda think that if you are even mildly rich and possessed of rich human capital you ought to go ahead and pop one out when you are 15 or so.


Posted by: Turgid Jacobian | Link to this comment | 08-19-14 4:06 PM
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Stupidly, instead of getting details on what was dysfunctional about it, I instead turned the conversation to working out which other dysfunctional depts he was forgetting about. (Answer: Ya/le.)


Posted by: Unfoggetarian: "Pause endlessly, then go in" (9) | Link to this comment | 08-19-14 4:08 PM
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Also, there were a few years of acquaintances asking "when are you having the next one?" And that was just a painful question. Don't ask people that.

What IS this about? People are so eager for other people to have kids and feel so entitled to say so, regardless of possible problems with that. I was at a friend's wedding and they had a part where they passed around a mic and had people say whatever they wanted and someone was like "we hope this means it isn't long until you pop out some little friends for our Squayden!" or words to that effect. My friend was like "yeah that's not going to happen right now!" to my delight.

This thread. I am obviously not its target demo.


Posted by: Mister Smearcase | Link to this comment | 08-19-14 4:13 PM
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72 to L.? You know, I still don't know which dept this is. Hint or email me?


Posted by: heebie-geebie | Link to this comment | 08-19-14 4:14 PM
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Also thread got sad after I typed that so ugh.


Posted by: Mister Smearcase | Link to this comment | 08-19-14 4:14 PM
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If grad school is the perfect time for having a baby, I probably shouldn't have had a baby or gone to grad school. (There were advantages, but still.) Seriously though, to 65, if it feels way too soon, I trust you don't need me or anyone else to tell you not to do it.

68: Did you have reasons for the other three, other than their being the names of family pets? You could just tell people you had a scavenger hunt for search results while googling different names, and this name won.


Posted by: lurid keyaki | Link to this comment | 08-19-14 4:15 PM
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No reasons for 1-3, but they're recognizable names.


Posted by: heebie-geebie | Link to this comment | 08-19-14 4:16 PM
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76: breeders gonna breed


Posted by: Turgid Jacobian | Link to this comment | 08-19-14 4:16 PM
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I've been saying "procreators gonna procreate". Also I like to say "we can't stop until the music stops".


Posted by: heebie-geebie | Link to this comment | 08-19-14 4:18 PM
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Yeah, all of our names are somewhat unusual (rule was it couldn't be in the top 100) but have no special meaning otherwise so our only explanation was its unique and we like how it sounds.
Someone in my lab in grad school had two kids during his time there. His wife was also a student. They got food stamps.


Posted by: SP | Link to this comment | 08-19-14 4:22 PM
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"Yeah, all of our names are somewhat unusual (rule was it couldn't be in the top 100) "

We were nearer to top 1000


Posted by: Turgid Jacobian | Link to this comment | 08-19-14 4:24 PM
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Ooh, I want to know what department it is too, although I'm mostly clueless about math people. Someone the other day told me my department is uniquely dysfunctional, and I suspect that's right. Not that it's necessarily more dysfunctional than others, but it's dysfunctional in a way you don't find anywhere else.


Posted by: essear | Link to this comment | 08-19-14 4:25 PM
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When I started grad school, my advisor's older student who had started two years earlier had a seven-year-old kid.


Posted by: essear | Link to this comment | 08-19-14 4:26 PM
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||
Anyone watching LLWS? My kids love it. However, does anyone here think it's weird that Texas' motto is "Pull the train"? Doesn't that have, uh, other connotations?
|>


Posted by: SP | Link to this comment | 08-19-14 4:32 PM
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In practice we ended up with >1000 (although similar longer name ~300); 385; >1000 (similar name 227); 187. Each of them went way up in popularity after we used it, I guess we were leading the trends.


Posted by: SP | Link to this comment | 08-19-14 4:39 PM
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88: yeah, one of two has spiked something fierce.


Posted by: Turgid Jacobian | Link to this comment | 08-19-14 4:54 PM
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Hawaii's name is fully off the top 1000, but it's recognizable as a name. Ace and Pokey are semi-on-trend, Pokey more than Ace. This name would fall into the "random collection of syllables" category, where people would ask "is it short for something?" (Although I have known two people with this name.)


Posted by: heebie-geebie | Link to this comment | 08-19-14 4:59 PM
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How did you come up with it? If you knew people with the name and thought it was pretty, then that seems like enough of a cover story.


Posted by: LizardBreath | Link to this comment | 08-19-14 5:08 PM
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68

"Caligula" is a fine name! Don't be ashamed.


Posted by: DaveLMA | Link to this comment | 08-19-14 5:09 PM
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91: That's pretty much the truth of it. I knew a boy in middle school with this name, and then a girl in high school with a different spelling but the same pronunciation. It's possible I feel a touch of embarrassment of cultural co-opting, since they were both black students.


Posted by: heebie-geebie | Link to this comment | 08-19-14 5:14 PM
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This name would fall into the "random collection of syllables" category

Nothing wrong with being called "BooBooBaBa"


Posted by: Robert Halford | Link to this comment | 08-19-14 5:15 PM
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To tie in my LLWS comment, I trust people saw that one of the players, Blake Money, has a brother named Cash.


Posted by: SP | Link to this comment | 08-19-14 5:16 PM
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I like how 94 following 93 makes Halford sound super racist.


Posted by: heebie-geebie | Link to this comment | 08-19-14 5:21 PM
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How can I be super racist? I have made several weblog comments concerning the sufferings of young black men.


Posted by: Robert Halford | Link to this comment | 08-19-14 5:34 PM
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||100% of my Facebook ads are currently for either Petrossian Caviar or "Animalstown." Not sure what's going on but I like my demographic.|>


Posted by: Robert Halford | Link to this comment | 08-19-14 5:39 PM
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"Animalstown" is the best website. The greatest. E.g.

Soon we will have more information about this animal and Awnser the folowing questions: What does a Tucan look like? Where does the Tucan live? What does a Tucan eat? What is special about the Tucan? In the mean time take a look at the Tucan video and download the cool Tucan wallpapers and coloring pages.

Posted by: Robert Halford | Link to this comment | 08-19-14 5:41 PM
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Heebie, just blame black-named Jammies for choosing it if anyone asks, and they'll be so stymied about whether to ask why the baby is so pale that they won't know what else to say. I'm not rehashing my kids' names here, but they're all doing fine with the names they've got and people cope.


Posted by: Thorn | Link to this comment | 08-19-14 6:57 PM
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I am so curious of course about what the name actually is! I hope it has a science-fictional ring. I do think that just saying that you knew someone with the name when you were younger and have always liked it gets the job done.

I had a name that I kind of really wanted to use for Jane, or at least use as a middle name, but got voted down. (I'm happy with the name she has, but I still have a crush on this name, too.) It is an uncommon Finnish name that I encountered only because it is the name of one of Snark's high school friends. It would have been a little funny explaining where it came from, I guess, but not so much, I don't think! So I think the same for you.


Posted by: redfoxtailshrub | Link to this comment | 08-19-14 7:07 PM
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I'll show you mine if you show me yours. (The name is Mo/si.)


Posted by: heebie-geebie | Link to this comment | 08-19-14 7:10 PM
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Even I could see that naming a girl Swannilda might be going too far, but still awesomest girl name ever.


Posted by: dairy queen | Link to this comment | 08-19-14 7:11 PM
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Mine is Sirk/ka.


Posted by: redfoxtailshrub | Link to this comment | 08-19-14 7:20 PM
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I think yours is great!


Posted by: redfoxtailshrub | Link to this comment | 08-19-14 7:21 PM
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Oh, totes adorbs, heebie! Pokey's name skews mildly black in a different way, but I don't think this one has to. I really wanted a Maryam, but that's why Mara is Mara online, because it's secretly short for Maryam. I'm sort of glad I never got to really name a child, because I've been so obsessed with names for so long it would have been a disaster or something.


Posted by: Thorn | Link to this comment | 08-19-14 7:23 PM
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I just FB stalked, and my former classmate pops up immediately, and none others (which I assume is semi-tailored to my network).


Posted by: heebie-geebie | Link to this comment | 08-19-14 7:26 PM
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Good, I'm glad for the positive feedback! The few people I've told so far have done the stilted silence thing for a few beats before being polite about the name, which I'm probably being hypersensitive about.

Jane's alter ego's name is great.


Posted by: heebie-geebie | Link to this comment | 08-19-14 7:28 PM
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Apparently it (the Finnish name) is an onomotopoeia for the chirping of crickets.


Posted by: redfoxtailshrub | Link to this comment | 08-19-14 7:34 PM
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That's pretty much the truth of it. I knew a boy in middle school with this name, and then a girl in high school with a different spelling but the same pronunciation. It's possible I feel a touch of embarrassment of cultural co-opting, since they were both black students.

Interesting. The only notable public figure with that name is a Samoan football player.


Posted by: Cryptic ned | Link to this comment | 08-19-14 7:37 PM
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I like rtfs' a lot. Heebie, if it's a long O, it's adjacent to Moses and Josie, which doesn't seem unusual enough to inquire about. Certainly not stilted silence weird. To be fair, though, I don't normally say more than, "Oh, what a nice name" to a parent if their kid has an unusual and pleasant one.


Posted by: ydnew | Link to this comment | 08-19-14 7:48 PM
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Unfortunately close to Cory Doctorow's kid, though. But don't let that stop you, because I just learned she has four other names too, according to wikipedia.


Posted by: SP | Link to this comment | 08-19-14 8:05 PM
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Sort of in that sweet spot between Cory Doctorow's kid and Penn Jillette's kid.


Posted by: Sifu Tweety | Link to this comment | 08-19-14 8:06 PM
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"A/va" is a great name. We had a hard time picking the Calabat's name, as we agreed on basically nothing.


Posted by: Cala | Link to this comment | 08-19-14 8:06 PM
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Uh oh, heebie's become a libertarian.


Posted by: SP | Link to this comment | 08-19-14 8:08 PM
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I keep thinking it's weird that the super-classy old-timey girl's name that I've wanted to use for a decade is STILL not trendy. But a lot of names that could have come back have not followed Olivia, Clara, Lillian, Hazel, Violet and Adeline into the realm of trendiness. Estelle, for example. Estelle is a good name. And Mabel. And Louisa. Or just Louise!


Posted by: Cryptic ned | Link to this comment | 08-19-14 8:14 PM
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Mabel and Louisa are pretty trendy. Estelle, not so much. Of names affiliated with "The Golden Girls" only Sofia has really done well, I think.


Posted by: Robert Halford | Link to this comment | 08-19-14 8:20 PM
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I dunno, "I like great sex -- I'm slightly ratchet some days," [Estelle] explained, "But because I like great sex doesn't mean I can't have my downs. To me, it's more about being a real person, a real human.".


Posted by: Thorn | Link to this comment | 08-19-14 8:26 PM
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I had an absolutely fantastic great-aunt Estelle. Longtime librarian at New York Public Library. Baked enough that post addressed to Grandma Rugelach would find her in her building.


Posted by: Megan | Link to this comment | 08-19-14 8:33 PM
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Also the story of the name is easy. It's short for "More Sexeee."


Posted by: Robert Halford | Link to this comment | 08-19-14 8:38 PM
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Adeline and Hazel are trendy?


Posted by: nosflow | Link to this comment | 08-19-14 8:41 PM
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Adeline and Hazel are trendy?

Fully.


Posted by: redfoxtailshrub | Link to this comment | 08-19-14 8:58 PM
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121: the gentrification of Oakland is no joke, man.


Posted by: Josh | Link to this comment | 08-19-14 8:59 PM
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Since 95% of the people I know with young children have boys and not girls, I am relying on the statistics at Baby Name Voyager. It says Adeline and Hazel are trendy and Mabel and Louisa are not.


Posted by: Cryptic ned | Link to this comment | 08-19-14 9:00 PM
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Today I had a condom break. I hope not apropos.


Posted by: Grover Cleveland | Link to this comment | 08-19-14 9:03 PM
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125: Plan B not an option?


Posted by: Josh | Link to this comment | 08-19-14 9:08 PM
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I think of Adeline as a Berkeley/Oakland street name.


Posted by: fake accent | Link to this comment | 08-19-14 9:10 PM
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126: Yes, but I felt like commenting anyway.


Posted by: Grover Cleveland | Link to this comment | 08-19-14 9:11 PM
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You know what name is due for a comeback? Hortense.


Posted by: teofilo | Link to this comment | 08-19-14 9:20 PM
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Maybe it's started and I've just been too unhip to notice.


Posted by: teofilo | Link to this comment | 08-19-14 9:21 PM
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That Tom Lehrer song implies that his Aunt Hortense was ratchet.


Posted by: fake accent | Link to this comment | 08-19-14 9:29 PM
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Well, I like "Hazel", so, great! How about Olive, is that trendy?


Posted by: nosflow | Link to this comment | 08-19-14 9:38 PM
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Olive was already trendy. It's a bit post-trendy.


Posted by: redfoxtailshrub | Link to this comment | 08-19-14 9:42 PM
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Somebody should just go ahead and name their kid "Trendy."


Posted by: teofilo | Link to this comment | 08-19-14 9:44 PM
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Jane met another Jane today. She was excited. She suggested to the other Jane's parents that they should call their daughter "Other Jane" for clarity.


Posted by: redfoxtailshrub | Link to this comment | 08-19-14 9:47 PM
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That's adorable.


Posted by: teofilo | Link to this comment | 08-19-14 9:48 PM
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134: I think you mean "ydnert".


Posted by: fake accent | Link to this comment | 08-19-14 9:57 PM
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That'll be the next wave.


Posted by: teofilo | Link to this comment | 08-19-14 9:58 PM
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I'm not sure a kid growing up in Texas would appreciate being called Mozy.


Posted by: ogged | Link to this comment | 08-19-14 10:15 PM
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||

I'm sure we've had big stupid arguments about strategic voting before, but it's been a while. Anyway, I voted in a Republican primary today. Bring it on.

|>


Posted by: teofilo | Link to this comment | 08-19-14 10:37 PM
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||

Results are here if anyone's interested. The key race from a national perspective is the Republican primary for US Senate. From an Alaska perspective Measure No. 1 is at least as important. I voted yes.

|>


Posted by: teofilo | Link to this comment | 08-19-14 11:19 PM
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Re: 118

Heh at 'British-born'. Is that what people are described as when they are concentrating on a US career? I saw her live once just around the time she was transitioning from stuff like the definitely British sounding '1980' to slicker US-style RnB.

1980:

http://www.dailymotion.com/video/x1a3td_estelle-1980_music


Posted by: nattarGcM ttaM | Link to this comment | 08-19-14 11:33 PM
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Heh at 'British-born'. Is that what people are described as when they are concentrating on a US career?

I don't know how widely it's used, but I suspect when used to describe black people specifically it functions to signal that this is a special black person who is British and (therefore) sophisticated, as opposed to a regular black person who might, say, steal some cigars then blatantly walk down the middle of the street.


Posted by: teofilo | Link to this comment | 08-19-14 11:49 PM
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141: Looks like conventional Republican asshat has triumphed over wacky Repeublican asshat.


Posted by: JP Stormcrow | Link to this comment | 08-20-14 12:33 AM
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144: Yeah, looks like it so far. I actually voted for the (current) third-place candidate, who I think would be a better Senator than either and was polling in second place before the election. The referendum is still very close, though.


Posted by: teofilo | Link to this comment | 08-20-14 12:42 AM
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142: or just "this is why we aren't calling her African-American", maybe.


Posted by: ajay | Link to this comment | 08-20-14 2:13 AM
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re: 142

It partly occurred to me because I recall her being quite snooty about the UK once she got some success in the US. So I wondered if she was largely marketing herself [or being marketed] as a US RnB act.


Posted by: nattarGcM ttaM | Link to this comment | 08-20-14 4:40 AM
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65: Until this moment, I always assumed L. was a man. Now I think she should change her pseud to "Elle".


Posted by: knecht ruprecht | Link to this comment | 08-20-14 5:04 AM
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It partly occurred to me because I recall her being quite snooty about the UK once she got some success in the US. So I wondered if she was largely marketing herself [or being marketed] as a US RnB act.

Her only US hit so far is "American Boy", and she doesn't hide her accent in the songs, so I don't think so.


Posted by: Cryptic ned | Link to this comment | 08-20-14 5:07 AM
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111

We never told anyone what we were going to call our children, because there is invariably some asshat who will say "You can't mean that! [name] was our second cousin who [committed horrible social or actual crime]!"

That is definitely an advantage to picking an uncommon name: fewer chances of a familial or news hit on someone unsavory.


Posted by: DaveLMA | Link to this comment | 08-20-14 5:13 AM
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But then if there IS someone unsavory named, say, Orenthal, or Adolf, or Nguema, the connection becomes all the more inextricable.


Posted by: Cryptic ned | Link to this comment | 08-20-14 5:24 AM
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Knecht, you normally have the institutional memory.


Posted by: ogged | Link to this comment | 08-20-14 5:49 AM
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151: Orenthal doesn't have any specific associations for me, but sounds sinister and Germanic, so I am going to assume it was a minor concentration camp or a 19th century race theorist or something.


Posted by: ajay | Link to this comment | 08-20-14 5:58 AM
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Knife skills.


Posted by: JP Stormcrow | Link to this comment | 08-20-14 5:59 AM
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Rtfs' crushable name kept ringing a bell, but I was too tired to figure it out. This morning, I got it: the main character in Sarah's Key. (It was loaned to me by a coworker. Stop judging.)


Posted by: ydnew | Link to this comment | 08-20-14 5:59 AM
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154: I googled (or rather duckduckwent) it just after posting. OJ, of course!


Posted by: ajay | Link to this comment | 08-20-14 6:05 AM
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152: That was from a time before I read the comments. I think I've mentioned here before that I read the front page posts semi-regularly for three or four years before I realized there was a comments section worth reading.


Posted by: knecht ruprecht | Link to this comment | 08-20-14 6:37 AM
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Skipping ahead - 102: It means "smoke" in Tokaleya Tonga. I only know this because Victoria Falls is called Mo/si-oa-Tunya,"'the smoke that thunders."

Back to catching up.


Posted by: | Link to this comment | 08-20-14 6:56 AM
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158: Me.


Posted by: togolosh | Link to this comment | 08-20-14 7:25 AM
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I'm not sure if I'm supposed to be sharing this, but another commenter and I are having a micromeetup at the Welcome, New Faculty Families night at Lee's new work tonight. She just sent me a text saying "I just met your blog friend's wife!" So I guess their meetup precedes ours.


Posted by: Thorn | Link to this comment | 08-20-14 7:28 AM
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160: Ha! We live in a weird world.


Posted by: Stranded in Lubbock | Link to this comment | 08-20-14 7:33 AM
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114: Thanks! We were going back and forth between Addison and Audie, and A/va is an alternate spelling. Plus, it means bird so it's perfect.

As an aside, with all my initial concern about her lack of weight gain, I'm proud to announce that she now has multiple rolls on her thighs!


Posted by: LizSpigot | Link to this comment | 08-20-14 11:10 AM
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162: So cute! So can you admit now that you were trolling us with that Reagan business?


Posted by: peep | Link to this comment | 08-20-14 11:19 AM
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So much hair! So adorable! MMMMM baby legs.


Posted by: Cala | Link to this comment | 08-20-14 11:27 AM
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Rtfs' crushable name kept ringing a bell, but I was too tired to figure it out. This morning, I got it: the main character in Sarah's Key.

The main character isn't named Sarah?


Posted by: redfoxtailshrub | Link to this comment | 08-20-14 11:35 AM
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163: I really wasn't. We had planned on Reagan for probably six months. Thanks Unfogged for talking me out of it!


Posted by: LizSpigot | Link to this comment | 08-20-14 12:00 PM
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Preventing a baby named "Reagan" (an extraordinarily cute baby, btw) may have been this blog's greatest practical accomplishment.


Posted by: Robert Halford | Link to this comment | 08-20-14 12:04 PM
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I had the impression that the production of actual babies was the blog's greatest practical accomplishment.


Posted by: essear | Link to this comment | 08-20-14 12:07 PM
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162: Sweet!


Posted by: Just Plain Jane | Link to this comment | 08-20-14 12:07 PM
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165: In case you're not kidding, here's the text where she introduces herself. It's her childhood nickname, and her given name is Sarah.


Posted by: ydnew | Link to this comment | 08-20-14 12:09 PM
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167: I'd rate that second, after getting Flippanter laid.


Posted by: peep | Link to this comment | 08-20-14 12:11 PM
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162.2: What an adorable baby! Way too cute to be named Reagan.


Posted by: ydnew | Link to this comment | 08-20-14 12:14 PM
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Thanks everyone!


Posted by: LizSpigot | Link to this comment | 08-20-14 12:16 PM
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Ah! I was searching for the two-k spelling and didn't find it (for obvious reasons).


Posted by: redfoxtailshrub | Link to this comment | 08-20-14 12:18 PM
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Ah, sorry! I didn't think to mention it was a one-k version.


Posted by: ydnew | Link to this comment | 08-20-14 12:23 PM
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