Is there something particularly Korean about the way they want to scrub you?
one of those places where you're going to be naked
Nope. That's all you.
Hawaii is going, too. I think this helps, because I have a role even if I end up avoiding everything.
Do they do pedicures? Those are actually useful, more like a visit to the podiatrist.
If you go in for a pedicure and you have two toes with toe-nail fungus and one that has toe-nail fungus and has blood under it from running, do they refuse or what? Asking for a friend.
Anyway, my friend is using toe-nail clippers to remove the callouses from his big toes and wondering if there is a better way.
The one around here is manhandling- and scrubbing-optional. And except for the whirlpool stuff, non-naked. I was very skeptical first time I was dragged there but I have to admit it's pretty great just lying in the really hot, woo-themed saunas for a while (this one is made from red clay which cures lurgy! this one has amethysts whose bio-rays make you taller!).
It's not me. Totally somebody else.
5: A good place disinfects and a very good palce gives each customer their own set of clippers. But if one us infected and vulnerable to infection, a podiatrist might be the better choice.
10: Also, you can get a the ped egg or a similar cheese grater type thign with less cheesy ads from microplane. The diamancel (is pricy) but good, though not as aggressive as the grater style.
The micropane for lemon zesting hardly gets used at all and it's right there.
I doubt your wife approves of your lending kitchen utensils to YOUR FRIEND, Moby!
I am having a bit of trouble with the idea of a Korean spa because my general image of Koreans credits them with many fine qualities, but "ability to relax" is not one of them.
OTOH, I suppose that a Korean spa would have to be terrific if it could get even a Korean to chill out.
5: Yes, anything bleeding is a no. (Or should be anywhere that cares even a little about their workers.) Some places let their workers use gloves; some don't.
7: Salicylic acid for 7-8 days. Quicker and less work than abrasion.
Heebie, I feel the same way about strangers touching me. I have something like a 3 foot personal space bubble (exceptions for crowded transit, close friends, etc). Pedicures are about my limit, and frankly, I'd rather they just make my toes pretty and dispense with anything resembling massage.
18.1: It's all dried blood. If you run enough and a heavy, your nail starts to look like it does after you hit yourself with a hammer or shut your hand in a car door.
19: Still a no in terms of staff agreeing, mostly because step one is soaking in a tub, which will probably soften a scab, and it it likely to re-open while they're working. They don't know what sort of awesome bloodborne pathogens they're getting exposed to, and the chemicals make latex gloves more permeable and also make it likely that they have cracked skin on their hands.
Also? Ewwww.
It's funny, I'm fairly 'don't touch me' with anyone who isn't really close, but massages are an exception. (Not that I get them often -- two or three lifetime -- but they were all great.) Like, I don't even like getting my hair cut because it's some stranger touching my head and talking to me for half an hour, but for some reason getting essentially naked and rubbed down by a stranger is relaxing and pleasant. Possibly it's that the setup during a massage is usually such as to maximize the possibility of retreating into your own head and not socially interacting with the masseuse much -- you don't have to chat.
It's not really a scab. Blood gets in the nail as it grows out. It's pretty common in those running distances.
I've enjoyed professional massages in the past, but didn't like the last one I had. Painful and not relaxing at all. I'm not sure if that's because the masseuse was bad, or I should have been more communicative about what felt good to me, or if I had got too used to how my wife did it, or what.
I've only had one or two professional massages, but I get super neurotic about the inevitable asymmetry. Like, why aren't they touching the opposite shoulder blade in the exact same manner, now I'm preoccupied with the missing touch.
SOMEday I'll finally make it out to the russian bath in SF.
I assume the place that's above the Subway sandwich shop that has a sign that says only "Massage" is some type of prostitution, but I don't really want to check.
I really want to go to a Korean spa, but we don't have any. I've finally gotten to the age where I have enough pain that a massage is worth the emotional discomfort, which is why I've had one once.
one of those places where you're going to be naked
The amazing still-have-dreams-about-it hamam I went to in Paris required that you wear bottoms, but not a top. The little kit they gave you when you paid included a towel, special liquid pine soap, an exfoliating mitt, and a pair of flimsy underwear, but everyone there was wearing bikini bottoms. (It was women-only day.) Except for the giant ladies who would scrub sheets of skin off you with the mitt-- they wore bikini tops as well.
Shh, Blume, he thinks we need skin. Don't let on.
31: I've always assumed that, too. "[Ethnicity] Massage" (in this case Chinese) almost always seems sketchy to me. Especially when they're above Subways.
On our NZ honeymoon, it was kind of astounding how many [various East Asian ethnicities] Massage parlors that were obviously brothels were in central Auckland. Especially weird because NZ has legalized prostitution--apparently for a long time they de facto allowed it under the guise of massage before they actually legalized it, but the old ways die hard. Conversely, in Dunedin we saw an actual brothel that was open about it. It didn't hit home how weird that was until I realized that there was a URL on its sign.
Hawaii has now puked and fallen asleep en route to the spa.
You've got your get-out-of-being-touched pass if you want.
I've had a lot of Chinese massages, and none of them have ever been relaxing. They hurt like hell, and at best, the person is trained in TCM and tells you (um, I mean a friend), that you have bad posture and eat poorly and the musculoskeletal system of an 80 year old. At worst, you get some dude who believes every conspiracy theory about America and while you're lying face down trying not to scream from pain, says, "so, why did Obama pay the Malaysian government to disappear flight 370 and infect all the passengers with ebola to use as a biological weapon in WW3?"
I tend to get blind person massages, so I can be sure I'm getting a massage instead of a "massage."
I've also been to a Chinese bathhouse. It's very relaxing, but if you're not into being naked in public, you probably wouldn't enjoy being openly stared at by about 100 other naked women. Also people have very different concepts of personal space. Let's just say "single stall shower" is a bourgeois Western construct.
"[Ethnicity] Massage" (in this case Chinese) almost always seems sketchy to me.
I'm sure there's an interesting study to be done on which nationalities signify "sexy!" to which nationalities, based on that sort of advert. You used to see ads in London phone boxes for sexy Swedes, Brazilians, Japanese, Vietnamese, French... but not Belgians or Canadians or Omanis.
36
There are tons of massage parlors around my house, and they're all staffed by 18-25 year old women in 6 inch heels and mini skirts.
What would "Canadian massage" be a euphemism for?
I would love to see cards in phone boxes that said "WORTHWHILE CANADIAN MASSAGE".
42: Slathered in maple syrup and rubbed with heated hockey pucks.
Well, given that "girlfriend in Canada" is a euphemism for "pretending you have a girlfriend when you don't", I think it's pretty obvious what "Canadian massage" would be.
And the massage is performed by a man in a flannel shirt and a toque, holding a can of beer.
Well, 47 was certainly a wasted comment.
I would like to amend comment 47 to read "hockey fights".
Laugh it up, but you never used to see adverts offering encounters with SEXY AMERICANS either.
the weird thing about tartcards in London is the geography; dommes in the City, transsexuals in the West End. also, when they bombed the tube in 2005 I remember heading out into the empty streets from my office, looking for lunch, and passing a carder hard at work. it was strangely reassuring that the onslaught of global jihad couldn't stop him plastering phone boxes with filth.
42: In BFLO, "Canadian ballet" is the euphemism for strip clubs.
51.last: You still have phone boxes.
51: Also an interesting research topic!
A friend of mine who went to school in London remembers playing some sort of Top Trumps type game with them. You had to collect sets.
Surely no one is the least bit surprised about a prevalence of dommes in the City of London. I'm having a hard time imagining what could possibly play more to cliché.
54: we do, but I think their only function is as a repository for cards saying SEXY BELGIAN.
"single stall shower" is a bourgeois Western construct
Hell, single-stall toilet is a bourgeouis Western construct. Where are you living?
I figured that it's less "this ethnicity is sexy" (but it is partially that) than "this ethnicity is exploitable." Does not apply to Swedes, but I think Swedish massage is a legitimate non-sexy thing maybe?
I figured that it's less "this ethnicity is sexy" (but it is partially that) than "this ethnicity is exploitable."
SEXY UIGHURS
SEXY ALBANIANS
SEXY GYPSIES
Belgian massage involves being moisturized with mayonnaise and exfoliated with mussel shells, I guess.
I had a massage from a Korean dude that was fully consistent with Ajay's assessment of Koreans. It hurt like a motherfucker during and for several hours after. Somehow the guy managed to bruise my sternum. I can't imagine anyone feeling relaxed after that, but at least my Chi was flowing freely or whatever.
59: that would predict that London phone boxes would be full of SEXY POLES and SEXY ROMANIANS. Maybe they are?
SEXY POLES
This seems like the sort of thing that would render the kind of dancing they do in strip clubs unnecessarily confusing.
56: no. British Sleaze Institution recommendations are S&M for politicians, to be found up West, lap dancers for junior bankers, and the really creepy stuff for judges.
65: These and ned's examples are probably real things (well, maybe not the Uighurs, but), but I'd guess that they're rolled up as SEXY EASTERN EUROPEANS.
66: A sexy Pole pole dancing with a sexy Pole as the pole would be sexy.
So a sexy Pole pole Pole? Would there be a sexy Pole pole Pole pole, or would the pole Pole have no pole but Pole?
69, but also the responses to 52: Buffalo.
69, 70: Buffalo buffalo buffalo buffalo.
Would there be a sexy Pole pole Pole pole, or would the pole Pole have no pole but Pole?
I think we'd have to take a poll.
When I was a kid I honestly believed that "Polack" was the correct word and "Pole" was a slur, because I'd hear the former so often and the later sounds like a joke.
What time does the massage liveblogging begin?
I recall one sexy [nationality withheld in case one of you reprobates gets chatty with TWYRCL] who really was as sexy as advertised. Others of said nationality met were several standard deviations less sexy than the global average, however.
Is the idea that TWYRCL wouldn't mind you having seen a sexy masseuse in general, but she would mind you having seen a sexy masseuse of some particular nationality?
I don't claim to understand women, neb, merely to fear appreciate their mysterious ways and quick hand with a knife, plate or table lamp.
Flippanter has had many bad experiences dating Clue characters.
Colonel Mustard and I were just bros.
...in the observatory, with the candlestick.
Well now I know what a body scrub is. I don't exactly regret it but now I know to never, ever get another.
I've always found the most suspect spa treatment to be the "Vichy Shower." Uh . . . pass?
Uh . . . pass?
YOUR PRIVILEGE IS SHOWING.
It made me very tense the whole time, but then it eventually was over. Like an unpleasant car wash but maybe I have fewer zits on my arms and thighs now?
Love the Korea spa in geary as it involves no low lighting or woo woo flute music -those drive me nuts- just acres of white tile strong fluorescent lighting and astonishingly effective whole body exfoliation. Koreans generally really into skincare. I try to head off the bra and panty from Ross clad granny actually climbing up to walk on me as part of the massage, tho. Bridge too far etc.
Buttercup - new bourjois creme eye shadow excellent, available at asos and way way cheaper than chanel.
Cannot imagine haircut lasting only 30 min, last time the had me in their clutches for 2.5 hours plus. My sciatica was killing me.
89: I am cheap, have straight hair, and don't care much what I end up looking like. $25 and half an hour at the local Jean Claude van Damme does me just fine.
I think that my person does it in 45 minutes, but you need to get your hair washed first ad then dried. His rates have gone up so much, but I like him and it would be such a hassle to find someone new. I followed him to a new salon and then back to his old one.
A couple years ago I got a design job for an Asian Massage place out in the 'burbs. Jokes aside, I'm 95% sure it wasn't on the DL prostitution, but I can't really say for sure.
There's a fancy spa in Palo Alto (watercourse way?) that, while not itself a brothel, is apparently where a lot of transactions go down. I sometimes wonder how much illicit stuff is going on around me without my knowledge, and that was a very good example: I used to walk by it almost every day without a clue.
My college freshman year roommate turned prostitute was listed/marketed as a masseuse. Or not really, because she only did it for a little while near the end of the year, but that's how her pimp advertised.
And she did actually start with a massage, which the john paid some set fee for, in the hotel room. I think almost all of that fee went to the pimp, and then whatever happened a la carte after that, she kept almost all of those fees. IIRC.
93: She could have touched your junk for any number of reasons.
One day I will find a Korean spa out here with the jets of water out of the ceiling that pound the fuck out of your shoulders. I miss Spa Castle.
The thing I understand least in the world is not liking massages. Though a few weeks after getting here I decided to treat myself to a massage at a place I assumed was equivalent to the places in New York that look possibly sleazy but actually are just cheap and somewhat variable quality massages. This was actually sleazy and required lots of very broad body language on my part to keep it in the realm of "thoroughly lousy massage" and out of the realm of "failed straight on gay action."
But, you need skin.
There's even a children's song to that effect (lyrics).
I've been wanting to visit Spa Castle since I first heard about it a year or two ago. I wonder if there's anything similar in my neck of the woods.
I got metal things scraped around in my gums and liquids squirted in my eyes today. If you add those up it's kind of like a massage.
36 that brothel is, I think, the tenant of a former MP for the ACT Party (very right wing neoliberal) and she was the eye-model for their billboard.
Oh and I walked several miles in super humid weather sweating like a pig and getting rained on. Massage and a sauna! Spa day indeed!
103: Did some searching around and you're right. At least they're consistent. Amusingly, the news stories I found referred to it as a massage parlour.
58
Oh I'm totally fine with group showers and toilets. What threw me for a loop was this one bath place that had what appeared to be single stall showers, but then right after I'd started showering the stall curtain gets pushed aside and two other women enter, because the place is full and they're not gonna wait. Also, then one of the woman is like, "let me soap your back." Also, this really happened and is not simply the setup for some really cheesy Asian-white girl lesbian porn.
As mentioned, my apartment is surrounded by brothels and one legit blind person massage parlor. I once went to the most reputable looking probable brothel out of in part curiosity and in part desperation, since I decided the blind masseur's anti-Obama rants were too stressful for me to relax. I got this woman who didn't really seem to know what she was doing or particularly care all that much. Also, it was really cold and she made me take off my top (usually you're clothed at most massage places) so she could rub oil into my skin. She was from a village about 5 hours from here, my age, married and with two older elementary-school age children. I was trying to suss out if she mostly worked as a prostitute, but she wasn't very forthcoming and I was too embarrassed to ask outright. (From what I've gathered most women work as prostitutes before or instead of getting married, but there's definitely a sort of pragmatism that I could see a married woman with children deciding this was the best line of work to support her family, and her family being ok with that.) The whole setting was kind of ridiculous and uncomfortable, with me shivering topless in a 50 degree F room while attempting to get a life story from a woman in a down jacket who is brusquely rubbing oil on my breasts.
IME Swedish women are inherently sexy in the European imaginary. Less so in the US, where I feel like it's kind of an outdated stereotype.
106.1.last: Did you ask to be sure?
Anyway, it's hard to find the right way to ask somebody if they are a prostitute. That's how I got kicked out of Talbots.
not simply the setup for some really cheesy Asian-white girl lesbian porn
So more high class, then?
the blind masseur's anti-Obama rants were too stressful for me to relax.
Can't you just play dumb? I personally find massages stressful anyway, but that gets me through haircuts no problem.
"Massage parlous" is still polite newspaper code for brothel, especially in cases where the referents might be lawyer-ish.
6: At the Juche! Spa down the road, you have to massage and exfoliate yourself, in a spirit of independence, self-reliance and self-defence. While a uniformed guard watches you.
11: "Massage parlous" sounds like something out of an adult version of the Morte D'Arthur.
113: It describes the scene with Galahad and the grail-shaped beacon in Monty Python and the Holy Grail.
113: would sire desire a Petit Mort d'Arthur?
111: That's awfully coy given the services that they advertise non-euphemistically on their website. (I'd look it up but very obviously NSFW.)
And isn't there a non-derogatory legal term they could use? "Multiple-occupancy personal services centre" or whatever.
117: but they are respectable rate payers!