Re: The Haps

1

I'm not very good with deep things so I'll just note my well wishes and that Minecraft videos aren't just compelling to those who are stoned.


Posted by: Moby Hick | Link to this comment | 12-21-14 5:54 PM
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Try to ban the AK? I got 10 of stashed, with a case of hand grenades.


Posted by: Natilo Paennim | Link to this comment | 12-21-14 6:08 PM
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+ 'em


Posted by: Natilo Paennim | Link to this comment | 12-21-14 6:08 PM
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IMX everything is compelling when one is stoned. Best wishes and good luck, Al. The gift of drama for Christmas is greatly overrated.


Posted by: biohazard | Link to this comment | 12-21-14 6:09 PM
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I'm just continuously eating candy and watching a CSI:Miami marathon. that way I feel super-positive about my body and stuff.


Posted by: alameida | Link to this comment | 12-21-14 6:14 PM
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Sorry, al. Doesn't sound very pleasant especially at this time of year.


Posted by: essear | Link to this comment | 12-21-14 6:21 PM
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Neurotic aesthetic embellishment activities, so familiar and if it helps then go go go. Overstock / com has surprising selection of serge lutens smellies on substantial discount, so maybe buy people weird perfumes? Or just chocolates.

My sister has her own personal variety of not lupus but free ranging auto immune disorder & man is that shit life destroying. Make maximum hell and pleasure while you can, al, and best of luck and warmest wishes to help your mom do the same.


Posted by: dairy queen | Link to this comment | 12-21-14 6:40 PM
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my freudian analyst used to talk about a book in which some women become 'thin and interesting' when they are depressed while others become 'fat...' and something. boring, one imagines. I generally manage to become thin. I should probably throw this box of see's chocolates away. and maybe stop eating so many ice cream sandwiches. and the scale is broken! how can I neurotically weigh myself every morning, I'd like to know? and feel meta-guilty about worrying about something so stupid? and sugar is so delicious and soothing. surely this is the least of my worries! why is american television so deeply bizarre? why have I already watched every episode of CSI:Miami? it's the one where the fashion model is electrocuted.


Posted by: alameida | Link to this comment | 12-21-14 7:26 PM
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I only watch CSI: Miami for the medical examiner's cleavage.


Posted by: Moby Hick | Link to this comment | 12-21-14 7:34 PM
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I watch it for lessons in cool from Caruso.


Posted by: Biohazard | Link to this comment | 12-21-14 7:44 PM
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The main lesson you can learn from Caruso is the odds of that movie career working out might not be so great as you think.


Posted by: Moby Hick | Link to this comment | 12-21-14 7:47 PM
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The Dawn Patrol is an amazingly good movie.


Posted by: dairy queen | Link to this comment | 12-21-14 10:22 PM
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Citizens on Patrol, not so much.


Posted by: Moby Hick | Link to this comment | 12-21-14 10:25 PM
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Humorously it's got that brushed-nickel finish so popular on kitchen fixtures; I don't think of guns as having design fads, really

They definitely do. As with everything else, some designs are instant classics, creating their own esthetic, but most have a period look that allows them to be dated with precision. And they definitely reflect broader design trends, such as for kitchen appliances.


Posted by: idp | Link to this comment | 12-22-14 7:30 AM
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We have a "Lady" Smith and Wesson revolver in the closet. Because family is important, I guess. Anyway, at least it has a matte finish and a nice wood handle.


Posted by: Moby Hick | Link to this comment | 12-22-14 7:38 AM
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We the shit hits the fan, we have a break action shotgun, a small revolver marketed in the Hello Kitty aisle, and a bow with no arrows.


Posted by: Moby Hick | Link to this comment | 12-22-14 7:39 AM
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You have a lot going on. I hope some relaxation and peace comes your way.


Posted by: will | Link to this comment | 12-22-14 7:44 AM
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She's a "Lady" Smith in the kitchen, and a Wesson revolver in the bedroom closet.


Posted by: heebie-geebie | Link to this comment | 12-22-14 8:02 AM
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Fuck cancer right in the ass, man.

This gets it exactly right. (My grandpa's undergoing radiation right now. He's holding up okay, definitely still has a sense of humor. He joked that with the treatment, he expects by the 25th he'll be glowing like a Christmas tree and we can just stick him on the front lawn for all the neighbors to look at. That cracked me up.) Sympathies, al.


Posted by: Stanley | Link to this comment | 12-22-14 8:15 AM
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Sorry to hear about that. I hope your he keeps holding up through the treatment.


Posted by: Moby Hick | Link to this comment | 12-22-14 8:20 AM
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"Lady" Smith and Wesson

The bullet goes into the barrel.


Posted by: ogged | Link to this comment | 12-22-14 8:32 AM
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The chamber, until you've fired.


Posted by: Moby Hick | Link to this comment | 12-22-14 8:34 AM
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Al, I hope your mom recovers easily and that the cancer gets its ass kicked. I also hope that the going from three packs a day to none works. My mom, when she had brain surgeries (tumors, non-cancerous, but I will not say benign as they caused seizures that ultimately killed her) was able to quit smoking before the surgeries but was right back to it afterwards. Staying quit is hard. What you and your sibs are doing should be a great help. Bless you all.


Posted by: md 20/400 | Link to this comment | 12-22-14 9:22 AM
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Thinking of you a lot, al. Your family is lucky to have your care and support. CSI or whatever gets you through is good too. I never read so much People magazine fluff celebrity news as I did when my mother was at the end of her life.


Posted by: Witt | Link to this comment | 12-22-14 10:54 AM
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My mother and I used to go home from the hospital in which my father was very seriously ill all the time (like 8 months, 3 weeks intensive care maybe 5 months high dependency paralysed one side weird head dent where piece of skull removed ventilation tube feeding stomach complications vascular complications every bloody thing until eventually last stretch got good enough to graduate to rehab hospital) - to watch like addicts Greys Anatomy which was new at the time, it was our favourite relaxation.
Anyway do what you got to do to get through. People's strength to cope varies but also goes in waves, you'll be mentally strong when others aren't but hopefully their peaks will coincide with your troughs. Your metaphorical physical battery doesn't hold much of a charge so you know yourself got to watch that.


Posted by: emir | Link to this comment | 12-22-14 11:56 AM
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It lessens recoil, but only if you chamber the round every time, thus making the gun...not be an automatic anymore

I'm not understanding the physics of this at all. The automatic action works by absorbing some of the energy that would otherwise produce recoil. It should recoil more in single shot mode.

In any event, best wishes to ala-mom and all who care for her.


Posted by: knecht ruprecht | Link to this comment | 12-22-14 1:12 PM
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I only ever dry-fired it so I maybe misunderstood what he was saying. me, trying to chamber imaginary round in unloaded gun: what else do I need to do here? bro: just pull. me: I am pulling. bro: pull harder. me: I'm starting to hurt my fingers on the fucking grippy cross-hatchy metal--oh, hey. dude, that was way too hard. him: it reduces recoil!

oh duh, you're right knecht. my brain kind of isn't working. the power of the compressed spring in there works against the recoil all the time. I was just thinking, it works to reduce recoil when you do it like that? it doesn't really seem super automatic anymore...

those of you who don't frequent gun discussion fora will be not shocked to know that there is a lot of macho posturing. one point of contention is whether, when you have your automatic handgun loaded, you also chamber a round. we in my family think, no, because, along with the safety and not putting your finger on the trigger, it's generally a good way to lessen the chances of some dumb accident (and think how dangerous something has to be for my family to think it's some dumb bullshit!) others say you need to, because, when seconds count, milliseconds count even more, and the person who already has a round in the chamber will win. my brother cracked me up because he said, 'if I'm ever in a situation that serious, I'm going to die, because I'm not a navy S.E.A.L. played by the young clint eastwood. I will lose that firefight no matter what, so I might as well try to make sure I don't blow my own dick off in the meantime.' we're getting him a yugo k-98 for xmas after all because feminazis banned AKs in MD last year. WHERE R MAH FREEDOMS!!?


Posted by: alameida | Link to this comment | 12-22-14 3:28 PM
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Don't chamber a round. That's nuts even if you don't have a dick.


Posted by: Moby Hick | Link to this comment | 12-22-14 4:07 PM
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I briefly imagined proposing a law mildly criminalizing round-chambering as a wedge issue. But it would probably just lead to a rousing chorus of "I will defend the death your right to accidentally blow your own dick off."


Posted by: Minivet | Link to this comment | 12-22-14 4:23 PM
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I briefly imagined proposing a law mildly criminalizing round-chambering as a wedge issue. But it would probably just lead to a rousing chorus of "I will defend the death your right to accidentally blow your own dick off."


Posted by: Minivet | Link to this comment | 12-22-14 4:23 PM
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I briefly imagined proposing a law mildly criminalizing round-chambering as a wedge issue. But it would probably just lead to a rousing chorus of "I will defend the death your right to accidentally blow your own dick off."


Posted by: Minivet | Link to this comment | 12-22-14 4:23 PM
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32

A kid in my high school died because either he or a friend he was with fired a gun they thought wasn't loaded but had a round in the chamber.


Posted by: fake accent | Link to this comment | 12-22-14 4:47 PM
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33

Minivet has, like, three goddamn dicks.


Posted by: apostropher | Link to this comment | 12-22-14 5:00 PM
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34

Used to.


Posted by: JP Stormcrow | Link to this comment | 12-22-14 5:15 PM
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I think the calmer argument-for-a-hot-chamber (ladies...) is that when the Obamanoid cyborg mutant Commie Nazis come for your guns, gold bars and women, your small-motor skills will be baffled by the complex mechanics of clambering a round, remembering to chamber a round, remembering how to chamber a round, not dropping the magazine while chamfering a round, and so on.

I, of course, would just start to cry am a whirlwind o' lethality at all times, so would reduce the Patchouli Horde to vegan dog treats with my bare hands, Seagal-style.


Posted by: Flippanter | Link to this comment | 12-22-14 5:55 PM
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"Your weapons are no match for my frozen jeans!"


Posted by: fake accent | Link to this comment | 12-22-14 6:18 PM
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27: I alway keep a round in the chamber unless the piece has been completely unloaded and ready for disassembly/cleaning or locked storage. I see absolutely no point to having a non-lethal lethal weapon unwieldy handy.


Posted by: biohazard | Link to this comment | 12-22-14 7:03 PM
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I really don't know what happened in the last few weeks to make fake accent non-stop hilarious, but I am a huge, huge fan.

At the zoo tonight I thought I was being educational in explaining how you could tell which yellow striped cooters (turtles) were male, but I didn't realize one would do the weird courtship claw move that looks like a seizure or that the other would go along with it for underwater gay turtle sex in front of a bunch of kids, but I my be doing my part for the homosexual agenda at last! (I also signed the joint custody agreement our county's family court judge is letting same-sex couples file but the turtle thing had a bigger impact.)


Posted by: Thorn | Link to this comment | 12-22-14 7:15 PM
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38.1 not to the tragic shooting story above, oops.

And al, I'm thinking of you and grateful you're sharing these updates.


Posted by: Thorn | Link to this comment | 12-22-14 7:17 PM
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40

Finally, this is the underwater sex blog!


Posted by: LizardBreath | Link to this comment | 12-22-14 7:22 PM
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40: Hey now.


Posted by: teofilo | Link to this comment | 12-22-14 7:27 PM
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http://missoulian.com/news/local/graves-creek-family-needs-help-saving-ranch-after-accidental-shooting/article_80838112-59be-5a09-9d9b-b1f285ab2549.html

On a cheerier note, that ex-billionaire still-jerk guy is going to spend Xmas behind bars: http://missoulian.com/news/local/judge-to-ex-billionaire-blixseth-you-can-stay-in-missoula/article_bb0d2f11-30ad-583a-9876-8a5c4889c672.html


Posted by: CharleyCarp | Link to this comment | 12-22-14 7:41 PM
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Seagal-style

If you haven't, you should read this appreciation of Seagal by El-P.


Posted by: Mr. Blandings | Link to this comment | 12-22-14 7:55 PM
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AIMHMHSB, I know two people who shot themselves in the foot when they were in high school. Separate occasions. I thought it rude to ask more about the circumstances at the time and am now not in touch with either.


Posted by: Moby Hick | Link to this comment | 12-22-14 8:44 PM
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37: the "paperweight" argument (in that, who needs one shaped like a gun). it has its merits, certainly. my dad's an adherent.


Posted by: alameida | Link to this comment | 12-22-14 9:48 PM
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45: Different strokes, I guess. I'm more alert, fully present and paying attention when dealing with things I know are ready to do what they were designed to do. Chainsaws, Dremel tools, guns, motorcycles, cats, soldering irons, knives, whatever has the potential to bite hard if mishandled, get all the respect I'm capable of giving.


Posted by: Biohazard | Link to this comment | 12-22-14 10:39 PM
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43: I have! Very funny.


Posted by: Flippanter | Link to this comment | 12-22-14 10:51 PM
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She's a "Lady" Smith in the kitchen

That's a relief!


Posted by: chris y | Link to this comment | 12-23-14 1:51 AM
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Depends on the threat level. In Iraq the rule was to patrol with weapons loaded but not made ready. So I suppose the question is: is where you are right now worse than Iraq? If so then by all means keep a round in the chamber. Otherwise don't be silly.


Posted by: ajay | Link to this comment | 12-23-14 4:14 AM
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||
OT bleg: Does anyone know or have access to good style-matching programs? I have a pseudonymously published book whose author I want to identify. I am 99% certain who it is, but he's dead, so I can't ask. But he has a distinctive style and wrote many other books. So if THE COMPUTER SAYS he wrote this one, there is a story. Where do I find this mythical COMPUTER?
|>


Posted by: Nworb Werdna | Link to this comment | 12-23-14 5:19 AM
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50: this looks like the way to go.


Posted by: Sifu Tweety | Link to this comment | 12-23-14 5:45 AM
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My cousin managed to shoot himself in the leg by having a round chambered all the time. There may have been other factors, such as my cousin is a moron.


Posted by: togolosh | Link to this comment | 12-23-14 6:28 AM
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having a non-lethal lethal weapon unwieldy handy.

I'm having trouble parsing the meaning of this sentence. What does "unwieldy handy" mean?


Posted by: Bostoniangirl | Link to this comment | 12-23-14 6:34 AM
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Thanks, Sifu. NOw to assemble a corpus of texts for comparison ...


Posted by: Nworb Werdna | Link to this comment | 12-23-14 6:50 AM
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54: I really want to see the acknowledgement for that help. h/t to ST, useful guy on the internet? h/t to this 47 year old bald guy I know who lives in his mom's basement?


Posted by: ydnew | Link to this comment | 12-23-14 7:24 AM
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None of you are watching enough TV. You have to be constantly chambering rounds every time you enter a new room or hear a noise or something else happens. Otherwise you don't look baddass enough.


Posted by: Barry Freed | Link to this comment | 12-23-14 7:28 AM
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There was a guy who tried to do a spree killing on campus when I was an undergrad. He was of the "chamber a round for effect" school of shooting. He had a rifle, not a pistol. But it was some cheap piece of shit (but with a huge clip) and he chamber a round and then chambered another round. This jammed the gun and so he wasn't able to kill anybody. He did scare the shit out of a class full of future actuaries.


Posted by: Moby Hick | Link to this comment | 12-23-14 7:57 AM
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AIASIHMSB.


Posted by: Moby Hick | Link to this comment | 12-23-14 7:58 AM
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He also drove into a tree. I think he had issues.


Posted by: Moby Hick | Link to this comment | 12-23-14 7:59 AM
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Before or after he jammed his gun? If after, why was he driving, rather than being driven in a secure wagon?


Posted by: chris y | Link to this comment | 12-23-14 8:07 AM
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I don't remember and I'm not finding anything in a quick search. But I did learn that, as far as Wikipedia knows, it was the first unsuccessful attack on a school ever. We were tough back then.


Posted by: Moby Hick | Link to this comment | 12-23-14 8:14 AM
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I don't think the students held him after he failed to shoot them. I think they just knocked him over and ran. We were tough back then, but actuarial science students are cautious by nature.


Posted by: Moby Hick | Link to this comment | 12-23-14 8:18 AM
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I assumed he had previously driven into a tree.

Issues indeed. I drove into a lightpole, at the depth of my mid-40s despond. Held by my harness but my car was wrecked. I drove it home though, dripping all kinds of fluids, just to get out of there without explaining to anybody. Years of representing DUIs had taught me how far a car that has been wrecked on it's front end, unrepairable, may be driven by the oblivious. I wasn't oblivious but I was beside myself.


Posted by: idp | Link to this comment | 12-23-14 8:22 AM
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He definitely drove into a tree at some point very shortly before or after the shooting. The car was there when I walked into Spanish class.

Also, my grandmother drove my parent's car into the post office and then didn't tell anybody. Ever. She didn't know cars very well and thought nobody would notice. In fact, the post master called my dad before she even got the car home.

I was maybe 14 at the time. It was a very useful thing for me in terms of placing the Overton Window for my own car crashing.


Posted by: Moby Hick | Link to this comment | 12-23-14 8:27 AM
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Years of representing DUIs had taught me how far a car that has been wrecked on it's front end, unrepairable, may be driven by the oblivious.

Law school pays off!!


Posted by: will | Link to this comment | 12-23-14 9:15 AM
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Actually that was practice of law, most decidedly not law school, the distinction a recurring subject of bitter cynicism!

My ex mil close family member much more along the ajay line than anyone else on this thread re gun safety. Am I the only one who is struck by the potentially odd choice of gift for someone as far as I can tell regularly self medicated to a fare thee well? Perhaps I've misunderstood and have people mixed up.


Posted by: dairy queen | Link to this comment | 12-23-14 10:18 AM
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Actually that was practice of law, most decidedly not law school, the distinction a recurring subject of bitter cynicism!

On the other hand, without having gone to law school he would be less likely to be practicing law - you can never be absolutely sure when dealing with the United States - so the point probably stands.


Posted by: chris y | Link to this comment | 12-23-14 10:31 AM
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Barry is talking more sense than he realises in 56. Visibly and audibly making ready is an important step on the escalation ladder. It conveys the message "I am prepared to shoot you if necessary" very clearly. In that kind of situation you rarely go straight from zero to shooting people. That wants to be your last resort. If you can conclude the serial without anyone being shot, it's a good thing.


Posted by: ajay | Link to this comment | 12-23-14 11:02 AM
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66: uh. yeah, we would feel like assholes if he shot himself with this gun in particular. but that would be really inconsiderate. now reading that I realize it sounds nuts and everything. mmmm. but he has lots of other guns already and he likes them, so it's a cool gift? if we felt like he were actively suicidal we wouldn't give it to him because that would also be inconsiderate.


ok, I have to go give girl y a bath now but I was rereading this comment and it's stupid. we are a stupid family. it will be a cool present he enjoys, though.


Posted by: alameida | Link to this comment | 12-23-14 3:29 PM
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68: it's usually not extraordinarily important that we let the beer cans we are going to fire on know how serious we are about escalating force, but if it were, the cans would feel scared when they heard the scary noise indicating their impending doom. hopefully. I mean, hopefully I'm about to hit the can.


Posted by: alameida | Link to this comment | 12-23-14 6:53 PM
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Back in the 60s, the feelings of the beer cans were never given a thought. We let loose on them without warning. Of course they were steel then, and opened with church keys making those triangular holes.

The weird assortment of war booty my brother and his friends had! I remember a 98K Mauser, SMLE No. 5, Springfields sporterized and not, American Enfields, and quite a few handguns, foreign and domestic.

Ammo for the foreigns was scarce and expensive, so the American ones got fired the most. Mostly small caliber rifles and pistols for us kids, firing .22s. I remember a big box of ammo for them, so most shots were of that, certainly all that I was allowed to shoot.


Posted by: idp | Link to this comment | 12-23-14 8:37 PM
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