Re: I Pulled It Out Of My Ass

1

I was telling my collaborators about this story before a meeting and one of them (the PI) suddenly got up to close the door to the anteroom. "Are we going to talk about something confidential?" I asked with confusion. "No, but [ assistant ] is out there and you just said 'ANAL BEADS' quite loudly."

Second-order mortification! Sorry for the hostile work environment, [ assistant ].


Posted by: Sifu Tweety | Link to this comment | 04-16-15 9:20 AM
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2

The story is so mortifying it's sending out waves of mortifaction all over the country!


Posted by: ogged | Link to this comment | 04-16-15 9:22 AM
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3

IANAL but I ANAL.


Posted by: SP | Link to this comment | 04-16-15 9:30 AM
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4

waves of mortifaction

My Pixies cover band.


Posted by: Ginger Yellow | Link to this comment | 04-16-15 9:44 AM
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5

If the gut-drop is anything to go by, stories like this scare me more than the whole global warming thing.


Posted by: Moby Hick | Link to this comment | 04-16-15 9:45 AM
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6

And I don't even have an student.


Posted by: Moby Hick | Link to this comment | 04-16-15 9:47 AM
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7

Or an interest in anal beads.


Posted by: Moby Hick | Link to this comment | 04-16-15 9:49 AM
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8

Anal canal was I ere I saw Ekranoplan beads.


Posted by: heebie-geebie | Link to this comment | 04-16-15 9:52 AM
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9

Or legal briefs.


Posted by: Moby Hick | Link to this comment | 04-16-15 9:54 AM
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10

Your daily reminder to clear your clipboard regularly.


Posted by: JRoth | Link to this comment | 04-16-15 10:08 AM
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11

Let's not demand perfection.


Posted by: Moby Hick | Link to this comment | 04-16-15 10:34 AM
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12

I think that as a society, we just need to accept that each of us has a small, but non-zero chance of accidentally mass mailing a link about anal beads and that we should therefore strive not be understanding until somebody has done that twice or more.


Posted by: Moby Hick | Link to this comment | 04-16-15 10:51 AM
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13

Clean your clipboard like you clean your anal beads.


Posted by: Barry Freed | Link to this comment | 04-16-15 11:13 AM
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14

"Writing briefs" is some particular kind of underwear favored by novelists?


Posted by: essear | Link to this comment | 04-16-15 11:41 AM
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15

And "Boxer Shorts" are brief pieces of fiction about members of the Militia United in Righteousness.


Posted by: Moby Hick | Link to this comment | 04-16-15 12:06 PM
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16

Clean your clipboard like you clean your anal beads.

Boil it?


Posted by: Blume | Link to this comment | 04-16-15 12:16 PM
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17

Warm soapy water isn't enough?


Posted by: nosflow | Link to this comment | 04-16-15 12:26 PM
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18

Not if you are going to use them later as a way to chill a beverage without watering it down like melting ice would.


Posted by: Moby Hick | Link to this comment | 04-16-15 12:27 PM
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19

I'll be damned, they do sell freezable anal beads. Thanks, Moby!


Posted by: Sifu Tweety | Link to this comment | 04-16-15 12:31 PM
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20

That can't possibly be surprising.


Posted by: nosflow | Link to this comment | 04-16-15 12:35 PM
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21

It's news to me.


Posted by: Barry Freed | Link to this comment | 04-16-15 12:40 PM
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20: I guess it just didn't occur to me. Does it make them more fun?


Posted by: Sifu Tweety | Link to this comment | 04-16-15 12:43 PM
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I mean, lots of materials can be put in a freezer. I can imagine not having thought about it, and being surprised by anal beads specifically intended to be frozen (sounds unpleasant!), but not really being surprised by anal beads that merely can be frozen.


Posted by: nosflow | Link to this comment | 04-16-15 12:44 PM
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24

Mrs. K-sky tells about the time she was living at home for a spell and a friend sent her a postcard notifying her that a hot sexytime prospect was going to be down her way. It had a kitschy model on the front (shirtless cowboy or something) and text just said "I'm sending you something..." Her mother found the postcard, confronted her, and said, "Is your friend sending you a dildo? You should never share those, and you should always clean them with bleach!"


Posted by: k-sky | Link to this comment | 04-16-15 12:47 PM
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I was surprised that there are anal bands that are marketed specifically as being freezable, if that helps clarify things for you.


Posted by: Sifu Tweety | Link to this comment | 04-16-15 12:47 PM
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26

If you put enough ice cubes up your butt, it's kind of like getting an enema.


Posted by: ogged | Link to this comment | 04-16-15 12:49 PM
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27 And if they get stuck up there you just have to wait awhile. No need for any awkward implausible explanations to the emergency room staff.


Posted by: Barry Freed | Link to this comment | 04-16-15 12:51 PM
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I guess it's more convenient than waiting for the water to get cold enough.


Posted by: nosflow | Link to this comment | 04-16-15 12:51 PM
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29

27 ta 26


Posted by: Barry Freed | Link to this comment | 04-16-15 12:51 PM
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30

ta s/b to


Posted by: | Link to this comment | 04-16-15 12:52 PM
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30 was me


Posted by: Barry Freed | Link to this comment | 04-16-15 12:53 PM
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32

But you all knew that.


Posted by: Barry Freed | Link to this comment | 04-16-15 12:53 PM
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33

I decided long ago, never to wank with any one's dildo.
If I fail, if I succeed, at least I lived with hy-y-giene.
Learning to love yourself, it is the safest love of all.


Posted by: Very much not Whitney Houston | Link to this comment | 04-16-15 12:53 PM
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34

Banal Eid's meet my needs
Burma Shave


Posted by: OutOfTheBlue | Link to this comment | 04-16-15 5:53 PM
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