separate dining rooms/tables? I call bullshit. if she wanted to make a pure case for these women's being vulnerable to divorce in favor of younger new wives, and then unprepared for a return to work outside the home I would be more sympathetic, but she doesn't really do so.
I admit that I don't run in the highest of societal circles, but I agree with 1.first. In my experience, when you are at an event that is mostly working class, people generally stay with their partner or separate by genders. The more you move away from that, the less you get of gender segregation and the more of inter-couple-mixing*.
* social-speaking, that is.
separate dining rooms/tables? I call bullshit.
This seems unlikely but then rich New Yorkers, as I have learned from following links from this blog, are really, really weird people. I found the article interesting - I'd never heard of the Wife Bonus before, and the idea that it's a contractual obligation in the pre-nup is pretty striking.
I don't know. I read an article about rich British people all deciding to wear red pants, but I didn't believe it. I figured it was just some othering.
The Wife Bonus sounds like a reification of the better-known phenomenon of the wife assimilating her affiliated financial services professional's anxiety and anticipatory avarice regarding his bonus, due in part to lots of conversations along the lines of "Baby, we'll get married/get pregnant/buy a bigger place/etc. after February [or whenever]."
4: that is, unfortunately, true. The colour at least helps to hide the blood when xelA nattarGcM bites them savagely (as trained) in the leg. Once he's a bit bigger they'll have to start wearing red blazers.
Now I guess I'll have to believe every BuzzFeed photo montage.
4: "LOOK AT MY FUCKING RED TROUSERS! LOOK AT THEM!"
West London Young Conservatives Hate This Local Baby's 1 Weird Trick!
re: 6
He's working on his canne technique, now. Lateral strike across the back of the knees. He still isn't 100% on spotting them, though. He's caught a visiting American, and the odd 'yoot' wearing faux-preppy clothes.
He does, indeed, dearly love sticks. No visit to the park passes without him finding a good one, and going about whacking stuff with it.
Every Google hit for "wife bonus" seems to be from the last 24 hours. I'm skeptical.
I need some context. What is a 'yoot'? How are faux-preppy clothes distinguished from the authentic preppy clothes that seem to be everywhere? Also, what's a "bonus"?
12: You need to turn off safe search.
re: 13
Well, I'm thinking of young people from middle to lower socioeconomic groups, wearing clothes very similar to the clothes actual preppy Americans, and/or Sloaney fucks would wear. Quilted jackets, twats* shoes, etc.
* this label for boat shoes, docksiders, sebagos, etc may be specific to just my idiolect.
I am reminded of the dog Gramsci, who was trained by his owner to attack rich people. He was said to be able to smell wealth at a hundred feet - however, the story ended tragically when his owner won £100,000 on lottery scratchcards, and Gramsci bit his knees off. Gramsci is now said to be running feral on Hampstead Heath. Close to the meat....
Everybody used to wear boat shoes in the 80s. I can't recall seeing many of them lately but if I were a guard in Shawshank, Tim Robbins could you worn Bozo shoes and I wouldn't have noticed.
15: Wow you would not have been happy at the conference I attended the week before last. After the election returns the whole ballroom was chop-licking with anticipation of Scotland getting a whipping for its impertinence, to say nothing of the anticipation of lower taxes to come.
When I was in SF there was a surprising amount of sex segregation among social events for parents related to my kids' catholic school. Officially though a women's club and a men's club and unofficially through things like girls' nights out.
I bought a pair of those red trousers on sale, but chickened out and turned them into cutoffs.
20: There's a lot of sex-segregated social stuff in our neighborhood among parents in their 30s and 40s and because Lee and I had so many friends here before moving here we hadn't realized we'd be almost completely excluded from this because neither side feels comfortable bringing one but not the other of us along. This both surprised and saddened me more than I would have guessed.
Wait, how does that work? Like, why not just invite you both to the women's events? (Not that the sex segregation isn't irksome, but I don't get how it excludes a same-sex couple from everything, unless there's also homophobia-specific exclusion going on.)
Like, why not just invite you both to the women's events?
Maybe not doing the dishes and going to the bar all the time means Lee would have to hang with the men.
On the original post, I have to admit that despite being a fairly high-income New Yorker, I have literally no social contact with the genuinely rich Upper East Side milieu being discussed. It could be exactly like that, with the bonuses and the segregated socializing, or they could all be snake-handlers behind closed doors. I have no idea.
24: Well, yeah, and I'd be mad about that. Basically neither of us ever gets invited to anything and I've heard from friends that it's because at first the groups thought it would be awkward to have to choose which of us to invite (because inviting a couple would also be weird) and then after a while we'd lived there for years and it would be awkward to have to admit they'd never gotten around to inviting us, and so we aren't part of either the dads' baseball trips and garage band and cigar-and-poker nights or the moms' movies and dinners out and girls' nights on the town. And really that's fine, I guess, because either version would just make me feel like some awkward misfit, but it's still annoying.
because inviting a couple would also be weird
Is this because part of the ritual is complaining about partners? Genuinely puzzled here.
Not surprising that a rich man with big bonuses and a pre-nup would have a somewhat structured way of passing his bonus onto his wife. It's the idea that bonuses are tied to sexual performance, etc. that's titillating and ridiculous.
Same for the same-sex segregation. Not hard to imagine that a dinner party with CEOs and CEO spouses would end up somewhat segregated, although an official separation system seems ridiculous.
28: I don't know because I've never gotten to go along! Probably something like that. I suspect the real issue is that they think Lee would be happier with the dads but feel awkward breaking the sex-segregation or something.
Also, what does it mean to run a household like a CEO, even an expensive, rich household? That just sounds like nonsense -- like a small business maybe, but you're talking about single-digit numbers of employees, not something with, e.g., departments and middle-managers.
Didn't the rich people used to eat dinner all together and then the men would go to the billiards room and the women would go to a different room? But dinner was a combined thing.
No, the women would go to the (with)drawing room, while the men stayed at the dinner table with port. Then when they were drunk enough, they'd follow the women.
to be fair I have known someone who did have what was essentially the wife bonus: her husband promised to give her the money to buy a whole new designer wardrobe (and some jewelry) provided she got back down to a size 2 after the birth of their second child. I think her kid was 11 months old? so, not impossible but pilates with her personal trainer was involved. separate sex-divided eating in the same home at the same time, absolutely no fucking way, bullshit. seating arrangements are a thing, but they involve alternating the seats m/f and careful consideration of who sits where so that couples are separated. we've had fights in my family over seating charts.
32 is informed by my watching various TV shows, mostly Hercule Poirot.
pilates with her personal trainer was involved
Is that what the kids are calling it these days?
people do say "we'll do x depending on (or when I get) my bonus this year," but...
one thing that is interesting is that in this social sphere the more children you have, the richer you seem/are/need to be. but I never hear of anyone with more than four. five would be kind of off unless there were twins. people would start to suspect you of actual religious beliefs. four is a statement, though: I'm rich as fuck. I'm buying le petit bateau onesies at $50 a pop for all these little dudes. and we have two nannies. and later I'll be paying for two years at dalton and two at some expensive college all at the same time, cash on the barrel-head, C.R.E.A.M. etc.
My parents had four kids, probably in part because of actual religious beliefs.
I mean, maybe there are young investment bankers coming up these days who live on the upper east side and their mores are foreign to me. but they've all presumably sprung from the same soil as previous generations of investment bankers. it's not an arena of vast social mobility, I don't feel. nor could they feasibly entertain any echt-WASP investment bankers or older people without running into a wall of "what the fuck was that seating arrangement"?
Tina Fey already explained to us that it is a Fight Club.
I have never been to a sex segregated dinner, but fancy people do sure love to make sure that you are sitting nowhere near the one what brung ya.
True, but the little bowl of lemon-scented water tastes great.
"provided she got back down to a size 2 after the birth of their second child"
Surely there's some binary trickery to be pulled there. Look honey, the dress says it's a size 10.
31 -- we have an occasional babysitter who's main gig is on the nanny staff of superrich Hollywood family. They've got a staff of six nannies alone, plus cooks, gardeners, house managers for the different houses, personal shoppers, other assistants -- probably not more than 100 household employees but maybe 30, plus lots and lots of art consultants and antique consultants and car consultants and of course every rich person's ultimate scammy hanger-on, the horse trainer. BUT in Hollywood there's generally one professional, a full-time manager who runs the logistics and another person, the business manager, who runs all personal finance. CEO wife with a formal wife bonus sounds like bullshit to me, or, more likely, one thing that one jackass guy did and now idiot NYT freelancer has a story angle.
Also, what does it mean to run a household like a CEO, even an expensive, rich household?
You fuck everything up and make everyone around you unhappy and then walk away from it all with a huge financial settlement?
Okay, suddenly it sounds plausible.
I wouldn't be surprised if there are communities in London and probably NY that segregate the sexes at large dinner parties (and indeed lots of social occasions), but I would not expect "rich WASP asset managers" to be one of them.
fancy people do sure love to make sure that you are sitting nowhere near the one what brung ya.
Quite right. You aren't supposed to sit husbands next to their wives unless they've been married for less than six months. After that point, it is assumed, he'll be OK about being more than three feet away from the object of his affections, and/or she'll have heard all his good jokes already. If you wanted to just talk to your spouse all evening, after all, you could have done that at home.
Why is training horses more scammy than personal shopping or something? Horses actually need trained, if you have horses.
47: Spousal conversational tag-teaming is important!
48 -- reputationally, the horse trainer is the guy who always asks for the most money for the ridiculous hobby, plus inevitably sleeps with or excessively bonds with the wife/daughter.
Unless the daughter is underage, that's not scammy.
All that is scammy is sleazy but not all that is sleazy is scammy.
I would like more on the "I hate the author." That was my thought precisely on reading the article, but I didn't know anything more about her. I did not like the use of what I hope is pseudo-anthro terminology (but, don't know, do anthropologists still refer so condescendingly to their "primate" study subjects?) In my experience, primatologists don't refer so condescendingly to non-human primates.
I looked her up after reading the article and found that she's the "step mom" book person. Apparently all the right ways to behave in a step family are the way step mothers want it (i.e. you don't have to work too hard on taking care of the step children, you don't have to be more than civil to the ex-wife, your husband should always back you up, and you should concentrate on your marriage, and not the bigger family). Many of those pieces of advice might be right, in practice, but, some of them also sounded awfully convenient to those trying to make a new family with a husband who has another family.
"you don't have to work too hard on taking care of the step children, you don't have to be more than civil to the ex-wife, your husband should always back you up, and you should concentrate on your marriage, and not the bigger family"
wow, as a step mom that is some bizarre fucked up advice, I hope this mischaracterizes the book, not that I doubt you bj just hoping the universe is not that screwed up.
47: exactly, it gives you an opportunity to tell stories your spouse has heard a million times without annoying them.
I wouldn't be surprised if there are communities in London and probably NY that segregate the sexes at large dinner parties
If Anthony Trollope novels are anything to go by, the rich in London try to do alternating male female around the table rather than segregating.
50: Wait, I thought that was the gamekeeper/gamekeeper's son?
Also, what does it mean to run a household like a CEO, even an expensive, rich household? That just sounds like nonsense -- like a small business maybe
"Like a CEO" is more statusy than "like a small business".
Of course, out here in startupland, you've got people calling themselves "CEO" when the whole company has, like, two employees.
Do rich people have gamekeepers anymore? I suppose some must. I'd think you'd just fly to Namibia with a guide or whatever if you want to kill things.
I certainly did think the author was a twerp. "My god, I've discovered a mysterious society where there are rich women without jobs! And they exercise a lot and spend a whole lot of money on clothes, and fuss over their children!" Like I said, I don't know these people personally, but that doesn't seem terribly surprising at all.
The writer's position as an insider/outsider was also a little peculiar. "I'm not one of these pampered parasites, I'm an anthropologist. I've just been living their lifestyle for the last few years because..." Everyone else in her social circle is super rich, but she moved to the Upper East Side for the public schools and 'to be near her inlaws'?
Anthropologists are a different breed of pampered parasites.
54: As a step mom, you have to an active role to encourage your new husband to lead his children into the woods and abandon them.
Do rich people have gamekeepers anymore? I suppose some must.
Yes they do. I know one of them (brother of a friend of mine). Modern gamekeepers, judging by this limited sample, are no longer incoherent bit-of-rough DH Lawrence characters always muttering about sukebind and mollocking. They are extremely tall chaps with cut-glass accents and degrees in ecology and environmental management, who probably make their employers feel rather grubby and lower-middle-class.
There have been a spate of convictions of actual rich people in the UK lately for poisoning raptors, rather than the usual just convict the gamekeeper.
60: Gambia s/b Islington, or possibly Wales.
59: I have freelance friends who've also incorporated themselves as single-director companies who do put "CEO" or "Managing Director" on their business cards. I couldn't bring myself to put it on mine; I'm sure I would break into giggles every time I handed a potential client a card.
67: I'd be tempted to go full Mikado and put "Chairman, Chief Executive Officer, Chief Financial Officer, Chief Administrative Officer, Head of UK Operations, Senior Foresight Officer, Resident Technovisionary, Head of Process Engineering, Executive Delivery Consultant, Principal Legal Adviser, Company Secretary, Legacy Delivery Specialist, Director of Catering, Corporate Excellence Rabbi, and Independent Envisioning Baron".
My aunt is an UES wife. But she grew up in a poor Irish family so she's not really a native. She was surprised to discover that every woman she knew was on some sort of prescription drug, anti-depressants or Xanax I guess, I didn't ask. She doesn't read articles like this, to preserve her sanity probably.
Their husbands won't share the cocaine.
Pause thingy
So annoying trapped next to spread-eagle dude on bus, he's just added chewing on his fingernails to his all around repellent mix. I hope he is doomed to complete social ostracism as recompense for his sins.
Play thingy
It is strange that people will be super careful about what they eat and then don't think twice about what meds they're taking.
She was surprised to discover that every woman she knew was on some sort of prescription drug, anti-depressants or Xanax I guess, I didn't ask.
And probably to discover how many of them were in therapy, too.
I'm pretty sure this guy's fingernails have been in some disgusting places and he's munching away with gusto.
73: Well, they do usually consult some kind of expert about the prescription drugs. Food, you just go out and buy without a prescription.
If I were ever tempted to chew the ends of my fingers it certainly wouldn't be on a highly traveled bus line.
53
Yeah no. That was the worst thing about it. If she wants to play her little superiority-complex anthropology game with her friends she can do that, but if she's going to publish it in the NY Times she needs to avoid dragging anthropology into it. It's not what actual anthropologists* do and it's gross. I was going to write she at most has a BA in anthropology from some finishing school-type place, but it turns out she has a BA in anthro from a good school doctorate from Ya|e in not anthropology.
I am related to Bay Area money, and one relative has in his prenup that if his wife gains more than 10 lbs during the course of their marriage he can divorce her and leave her with nothing.**
*As opposed to people who call themselves anthropologists and get published in the NYTimes.
**I don't know the exact details, and I know CA is a community property state, but I imagine he worked it out with his lawyers in some way.
Well no actually, I'm grossed out by people touching their faces so fingers in mouth no no no.
I mean, school with a good anthro dept, and a doctorate from Ya|e.
one relative has in his prenup that if his wife gains more than 10 lbs during the course of their marriage he can divorce her and leave her with nothing
And she went ahead with the marriage? Wow.
82
Yeah. They've been married 40(?)ish years, and she's still really skinny.
Any marriage where you have to wear garbage bags to sweat off the extra pounds prior to weigh-in is not promising long-term.
Wouldn't those blood pressure medications that make you piss work better than sweating?
79.2: Jesus fuck, that's scummy. But if they'd been married that long..enh...maybe it was a joke, said after the fact because she's been skinny so long? I hope.
A lot of my London friends* basically socialise in single sex groups, or when they are all out together, the women and the men basically self segregate in the conversations.
I find this a bit sad, because it's not how I am used to socialising, and I like women. I don't mean that in a sleazy way, I just mean that if I'm out in a mixed group, I'm going to want to talk to the women and enjoy their conversation just as much as the blokes.
These aren't sexist blokes, either. The women are all in jobs of equal socio-economic status to the guys, some of the guys are stay-at-home dads. It's just all a bit ... odd. There is a heavy undercurrent of mild condescension from the women to the men, but that's a pretty standard Knifecrimean thing.
The last time we were all out in a mixed sex group, I spent much of the night talking to one of the women. As we were leaving, she leaned in and kissed me on the ear, and whispered, 'Your wife is a very lucky girl.' Which I'm sure wasn't because she thought I was overwhelmingly attractive, but just because it was nice to be listened to.
* disproportionately first-generation-in-their-family-to-go-university Irish or north of England working class people in white-collar or skilled manual jobs, so not the posh.
There is no way that clause is enforceable, and its presence in an actual pre-nup would greatly increase the odds that the whole thing would be found enforceable, so I'd bet very heavily that that's a family legend drawn from plausible inferences about the personalities involved than an actual legal relation.
Could you make a clause based on some kind of athletic performance standard that would all be require not gaining much weight? Like maybe being able to run a mile at a pace that is adjusted for age.
Possibly just adopt one of the armed forces fitness standards? I think those are age adjustable.
Looking it up, I meet Coast Guard standards. Laydeez.
90: "As my spouse has sworn mutual eternal fealty to me, I require them to always be ready to bear arms for my cause, as I require of all my bannermen." And if that requires them to fit into a size 2 dress, so it goes.
Looking it up, I meet Coast Guard standards for floatation devices, .Laydeez.
I should be able to make the army's two-mile run standard for my age group (18:42) if I were on a flat course.
I don't think I can do enough pushups. Maybe I'll try the 100 pushups thing again.
Will can speak to this better I'm sure, but at least in California a pre-nup can't (a) be contingent on the "fault" of one of the parties (since that interferes with the public policy of no-fault divorce) and (b) can't alter fundamental duties and limits of the marital realtionship, one of which is mutual respect. So no "get a fitness medal every year or you lose everything"
I probably can't make the Coast Guard running standard, but I think I can do the rest. And I'm a complete couch potato. But I'm going to get bumped up to the next age bracket in a few months anyway.
Food, you just go out and buy without a prescription.
However, when you buy food and drink from the merchant you can take each item back home from the store in its own container and before you ingest it into your body you can lay it all out and call in an export for consultation as to what should be eaten or drunk and what not, and how much and when. So there's not much risk in your purchase.
One could, if one's spouse would stop yammering in the marketplace and actually bring the fucking food home.
If you must know, I was visiting with Callias.
Anyhow, I agree with Buttercup that it's lame to claim that you're doing anthropology if you're not actually a fucking trained anthropologist. I want to sue this lady for fraud.
Not to have a winning case, mind you, but just for fun.
There was no anthropology in the anthropology burrito.
Anthropologists living among alien tribes will probably all have had their Heart of Darkness moments, when they wonder, appalled, if they can continue with their experiment. For some it will be witnessing female circumcision; for others, cannibalism.
For Wednesday Martin, the fieldworker living among the super-rich of London and New York - the most bizarre and extreme group of mothers in the world - it was the hiring of disabled Disney World guides.
"What did you say?" Martin asked her source, an extravagantly wealthy mother on Manhattan's Upper East Side, when she first heard the latter whisper of them. The idea of paying disabled people to pretend to be part of your family so you can jump queues at theme parks didn't seem credible; it seemed too much of an abuse of wealth and decency. "This so distilled everything specific and often off-putting about this world, I was going to call my book 'Black-Market Disabled Disney Guides'."
http://www.scmp.com/magazines/post-magazine/article/1303213/rich-mum-poor-mum
OT: Apparently, the justice department calls Hell's Angels and the like "Outlaw Motorcycle Gangs" and uses the acronym after the first reference. Does anybody know who I can contact to see if they will change it to "Outlaw Motorcycle Fraternal Groups"? Because I feel is it more accurate that way.
107 -- It's so stupid because (a) FastPass at Disneyland works just fine (b) if you're actually rich or famous enough the Mouse will send you with a guide anyway so hiring disabled kids for line-skipping is just setting money on fire by second-tier losers.
107,109: And anyway, the real super rich just build their own private theme parks.
110: I think only the Kims have actually done that.
13:
What is a 'yoot'?
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=eNZ1O2KTOOg
(Very SFW)
(b) if you're actually rich or famous enough the Mouse will send you with a guide anyway so hiring disabled kids for line-skipping is just setting money on fire by second-tier losers.
Michael Jackson in Disneyland
Don't have to share it with nobody else
Lock the gates, Goofy, take my hand
And lead me through the World of Self
I bet hiring an Outlaw Motorcycle Fraternal Group could get you to the front of the Disney line right quick.
Horse trainers, land stewards, and don't forget the crews that sail the yacht through foul seas to whatever fair-weather harbor the family has flown to.
don't forget the crews that sail the yacht through foul seas to whatever fair-weather harbor the family has flown to.
And the person, "in a powerboat following the yacht to retrieve balls that go overboard."
the crews that sail the yacht through foul seas to whatever fair-weather harbor the family has flown to
Met a guy who did this for T/e/o/d/o/r/o O/b/i/a/n/g. Absolute madness. (Like actual non-metaphorical madness. Plus lots of cash.)
Am exaggerating for effect about the stepmom book (which does have stepmonster in the title, in my defense). I think the book might have some useful information about how have everyone adjust to the new reality.
BTW, I believe she lives among her study subjects because husband (with the children who are not her children) was a hedge fund manager.
It was either that or set up a blind in Barney's.
Her Grace TWYRCL loves the interactive-touchscreen catalogue table in the Barney's café, which might as well be named "Aren't Those Shopping Bags Heavy, Darling? You Deserve a Nice Cup of Tea or a Mimosa."
Once there's a blind in Barney's, you'd think the temptation to just bag a few trophies might grow too great.
Good article except that the time spent writing it would have been better spent preparing and eating the subjects' husbands.
The article's author sounds like she wishes she lived on the Upper West Side.
I believe she lives among her study subjects because husband (with the children who are not her children) was a hedge fund manager.
"Imagine these women who live on the largesse of their husbands! I merely make an entirely non-living wage by pretending to be an anthropologist in the paper of record!"
125: The article becomes much more interesting if one imagines it arising out of self-loathing.
126
Oh yes, the self-hating WASP, justifying her bourgeois existence through play-acting anthropology in the worst way possible. In some ways it makes it even worse, because there's not even the honesty to own her own existence.
There isn't even the width of a social x-ray between the thickest description and the thinnest Roman a clef; why do neither of them and badly?
After a brief glance at this article (was mentioned by someone in my Twitter feed) I had the thought that it might have been very, very slightly redeemed if she had named it "I'll Never [do UES-wife-stereotypical-activity x*] In This Town Again." I'm guessing she is in the midst of some agonizing reappraisal as to the merits of the project**. But at least her in-laws are nearby for moral support.
*But someone else will have to supply UESWSA as I did not actually read the article.
**Unless the book*** is selling really well.
**There was a book, right? She was able to keep it up for 3-digit pages?
I voted, but I didn't turn off my phone before going into the voting place. When did they start that rule?
" The article becomes much more interesting if one imagines it arising out of self-loathing."
The narcissism of small differences
I had to look that up. It is from Freud.
I liked his blue period the best.
137: Lucien Freud didn't have a blue period. You're probably confusing him with B.B. King.
"Yes, I spent $25,000 of our money last year at the strip club, dear, but I was there as an anthropologist."
It was actually that stuff they pour on menstrual pads in TV commercials.
Burger King ads keep getting weirder and weirder.
Her book sounds even more annoying than the article.
||
My paramour and I did one of those Mojo Upgrade type things (actually Sexionnaire). The way it works is that the person with fewer positive answers gets the results. This is to frustrate people trying to trick their partners by answering all questions positively in order to suss out their partner's kinks without revealing their own. Naturally I answered a lot of things positively so she's got the results. I don't get to see them until tonight. I'm burning up with anticipation and a little freaked out. This could be awesome or really disappointing. ~7 hours to go. And I have real work to do dammit.
|>
Turn-ons: Trail of Tears, unintentional bigamy.
The way it works is that the person with fewer positive answers gets the results. This is to frustrate people trying to trick their partners by answering all questions positively in order to suss out their partner's kinks without revealing their own.
Huh. That is what people would otherwise do?
Jesus, she actually puts "Ph.D" at the end of her name at that Amazon link. That's... revealing.
145: Defying the Supreme Court; really big blocks of cheese.
. I don't get to see them until tonight. I'm burning up with anticipation and a little freaked out. This could be awesome or really disappointing. ~7 hours to go.
If you need a middle aged man with a pigeon mask, I'm good to go on an emergency basis. Let me know.
I can't believe I forgot the cheese.
I don't think you'd be any good to them, Ripper. What, after all, does anyone want to do with a middle aged man in a pigeon mask?
That's right, feed him bread. You couldn't handle it.
Honestly, TRO. Can you even coo?
146: Apparently it's an issue with Mojo Upgrade. Assholes gonna asshole, I guess. It'd be an immediate dumping offense to me but perhaps I take my mojo too seriously.
The way it works is that the person with fewer positive answers gets the results. This is to frustrate people trying to trick their partners by answering all questions positively in order to suss out their partner's kinks without revealing their own.
So it's deliberately set up to unsettle and disconcert people? Surely it's better that the odder of the two gets told "your other half isn't into A, B, C which you are into" than vice versa.
152: Come to think, I make spectacularly accurate pigeon noises, and I voluntarily eat bread. But I don't have the mask.
The kinky part is the windowsill of spikes.
153/154: right, I would have thought you'd need to reward the person who answered more questions, not fewer. But saying yes to everything would indeed be a jerkface move.
Come to think, something like this would ideally have three categories -- I'm into X/I'm not into X, but it doesn't trouble me to hear that a partner is into X/I don't want to know about X. And then reveal only named kinks that the partner hadn't put on the "I don't want to hear about it" list.
You'd still need to trust your partner to be honest about their blocked list, but it'd provide some protection.
146: Apparently it's an issue with Mojo Upgrade. Assholes gonna asshole, I guess. It'd be an immediate dumping offense to me but perhaps I take my mojo too seriously.
It just seems like (in addition to being a dick move) it could only backfire. "Oh, you're into [X] too? Let's do it!" "Uhhhhhh welllllllllllll...." "Bye!"
I don't think that's backfiring, I think that's the point of being an asshole. "You actually want to wear a furry suit? I was kidding. God, you're a pathetic pervert."
Come to think, something like this would ideally have three categories -- I'm into X/I'm not into X, but it doesn't trouble me to hear that a partner is into X/I don't want to know about X.
I'm willing to bet substantial amounts of money that among communities in which explicit negotiation of such things is more the norm, these considerations and more have been thought of a whole lot. (I'm not willing to google to confirm, though, since I'm at work.)
160: I guess I was imagining this taking place between two partners who actually give a shit about each other, which may have been a mistake.
Has everyone else heard of Mojo Upgrade and the like? This is my first mention ever. Admittedly, I wouldn't have heard of them anywhere but here, probably.
Never heard of them either. Seems reasonable, but the hurdle to open the relationship to Mojo Upgrade seems pretty similar to the hurdle to just straight-up tell your partner what you like. I guess you have the surprise/anticipation fun mentioned by our president.
164: one such thing was posted to metafilter a while ago.
Has everyone else heard of Mojo Upgrade and the like?
Not until this thread. It seems like a very positive development for people whose kink is online quizes about sexual preferences.
I thought Mother Jones must be pretty desperate, but if it will raise money for progressive journalism, and also facilitate consensual hot kinky sex I guess it's a win-win.
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Met with the breast surgeon today. Judging by his office, he is a strongly committed cheesehead, so that will make my dad happy, at least.
In addition to what we already knew from the radiologist, he found a lymph node that looked suspicious. I'm scheduled for a sentinel node and cone biopsy this Friday, and fervently hoping it doesn't take too long for the results to come in.
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169: Good luck. I think you should get results pretty fast. As I understand it, they can do preliminary pathology basically right away to get some idea, then full confirmatory results take longer. Fingers crossed that there's no lymph node involvement, and that the suspicious one is just scarred or something.
Thinking good thoughts for you, J, Robot.
My sympathies. Best wishes for a clean test.
Best wishes, J-Robes. Remember that you are, after all, a robot.
169: fingers crossed. I hope you'll get good news.
The wives need to package these wife bonuses up and securitize them.
Best wishes, J., and thanks for continuing to share updates.
So I'm a nosy, nosy person. Mr. President? How'd it turn out?
I too am nosy and interested in hearing how it turned out.