Heavy perhaps, but not my brother.
When you pay someone to carry your umbrella for you, the weight is of no concern.
Leather jackets are shit in a hard rain. They get all soggy and don't dry out for ages. I imagine similar problems with an umbrella.
Still, if I had Notch money, I might buy a few. It would be good to have extra around, in case one got wet.
Okay, I'm on. Surely something I do is badass enough that the payoff will be handed on a leather fan... Well, no.
A problem with umbrellas is that I'm inevitably going to forget them somewhere, so they should be cheap enough to be painlessly replaceable. On the other hand, cheap umbrellas tend to break or get blown inside out when it's windy. Lately I'm also having a related problem with earbuds: keep losing them, but cheap ones regularly fall apart or stop working.
7.last: after years of expensive research, I've concluded this problem is unsolvable.
I once saw a man checking a suede umbrella at the Metropolitan Museum. (It was not raining that day.)
My solution for umbrellas is to use the ones my dad leaves at my house by accident. My dad's solution for umbrellas is to buy serviceable ones in bulk since he always leaves them places, so this works out.
If he also leaves Face Hats, you're set.
Lately I'm also having a related problem with earbuds: keep losing them, but cheap ones regularly fall apart or stop working.
I don't know where the market is now, but I know that, as of 5 years ago, the internet discussion of earbuds was as follows:
"Apple should be ashamed to sell these shit earbuds! It's easy to get better ones for less money!"
"Really? Where?"
"This company makes slightly worse ones for less money, and that company makes clearly better ones for triple the money."
"..."
Since then, Apple's have improved in sound quality and build quality, and I don't know/care what's going on in the rest of the market, because the rest of the market was bullshit during the era that Apple earbuds were a bit chintzy and not the best sound quality.
My solution to the umbrella situation is to wear hats and accept the derision of people who find the idea of men wearing hats inherently ridiculous. Umbrellas suck.
Apple earbuds are awful for me. They're painful and don't fit well. I prefer Etymotic's ~$70 ones, but if you're going cheap (as I often do) at least get something that has a foam or rubber interface with your ear, even if it's obe of those ridiculously bass heavy brands.
I used to think umbrellas suck, but then I shelled out the $27 for a pretty nice umbrella. Haven't lost it yet.
They're painful and don't fit well
Well, sure, if they don't fit, they don't fit. But the critiques I'm referring to weren't primary about ear canal shape*.
And I'd note that the ones you reference cost about 2X. It seems that what people demand is that Apple provide $80 earbuds for $40.
*I'm lucky not to need them, but I find the idea of foamy/rubbery earbuds kind of gross. In-ear headphones I won't even try.
We've been really happy with the Panasonic rphje120. Cheap, good, and durable.
Do people who mock men wearing hats really accept men carrying umbrellas? Even at a moment you aren't actually using one, you cautious momma's boy, possibly English? Why not gritting your teeth into the storm? Why not bite the lightning?
4 is right. Leather is amazing when it's cold out or even in mildly damp weather, but it's just worthless with rain. It gets soaked immediately, lets water through, and warps which I think would be a serious problem with an umbrella.
15: in ear earbuds are amazing. I love the sonic isolation, quality, and sensation of the sound coming from inside my head.
I don't expect nor demand that apple provide nice earbuds. Anyone who does is silly. (I am glad we've moved beyond the times of white cords being a status symbol.) On both my iPhones I used the included earbuds until they fell apart. So I get better ones, with the caveat that I sometimes lose them or destroy them through use, so I sometimes buy cheaper, inferior, but similar models to keep my average cost of earbuds over time down.
Do people who mock men wearing hats really accept men carrying umbrellas?
Is finding men carrying umbrellas not acceptable remotely a thing?!
True story: I have owned a smart phone for something like four years and never put an ear bud in one.
21: I've only had a smart phone for a few months, but have never used earbuds. They seem gross.
Here's the acceptable umbrella for manly men.
Endorsed by Concealed Carry Magazine!
Several branches of the US armed forces still forbid male officers carrying their own umbrellas - sometimes female officers may, and senior officers can sometimes be umbrella'd by lower-ranking officers.
But 23 promises it will not make you look silly!
The testimonials in that link are really quite heavy on the umbrella's usefulness as a weapon, and how being an umbrella makes it inconspicuous compared to other weapons.
Umbrellas should be banned. They're the most antisocial accessory (except for possibly a Staffie on a long lead). I fucking hate it when it's raining and I have to walk down the street trying not to get hit in the face by pointy metal things. Put your fucking hood up, or wear a bloody hat.
I had to explain to my stepMIL that no, none of the children could have an umbrella, however cute the ones she had seen were. If one had one, they'd all want one, and can you imagine four small children taking up the entire pavement with brightly-coloured umbrellas? Fucking carnage.
In Bogota, people were of a surprisingly uniform height. I noticed this because that height happened to be exactly the height at which an umbrella, held normally, would poke me in the eye. That was a lesser, yet still significant factor in my leaving Colombia.
I've only just got the website to load and seen the face hat. Amazing. I want to see someone wearing it.
OK, google image search for "Aquvii face hat" really came through for me there.
28 is very sound. Umbrellas were unknown in the English speaking world until the middle of the 18th century* and people got along somehow.
*The first guy to carry an umbrella in London used to be followed around by hordes of kids hooting and pointing at him.
25: An officer in the UK Guards used to - not sure if they still do - have to carry an umbrella when dressed for town.
32.2: Maybe they were already hooting at him and he wanted to hide his face.
34. To say nothing of Bulgarian intelligence agents.
Also, 28 assumes a raincoat. Who has that?
Anyway, when my son was little he had an umbrella that looked like a frog and it was totes adorable but not Totes.
People don't have umbrellas here. Or never see fit to use them. Hats are very common, of course. And raincoats.
We still have some umbrellas from when we lived in the East. None have been opened, sfaik, in 6 years now.
It's not a leather umbrella, it's a leather parasol.
We all live in a leather parasol, a leather parasol, a leather parasol.
That explains the constant creaking noise.
28 is anti-romance.
Bus stop, wet day, she's there, I say
Please share my umbrella
Bus stop, bus goes, she stays, love grows
Under my umbrella
All that summer we enjoyed it
Wind and rain and shine
That umbrella, we employed it
By August, she was mine
Every morning I would see her waiting at the stop
Sometimes she'd shopped and she would show me what she bought
Other people stared as if we were both quite insane
Someday my name and hers are going to be the same
That's the way the whole thing started
Silly but it's true
Thinkin' of a sweet romance
Beginning in a queue
Came the sun the ice was melting
No more sheltering now
Nice to think that that umbrella
Led me to a vow
Umbrella is misused as a word for something to protect from rain; as the name implies, it should be a synonym for parasol (it's derived from umbra, shadow.) Something to protect you from rain should be, I don't know, a parapluvium.
Also I want a sundial with TRANSIT UMBRELLA LUX PERMANET on it.
Other people stared as if we were both quite insane
Someday my name and hers are going to be the same
"So are you changing your name to Susan, or is she changing her name to Robert?"
28 reminds me how whenever it rained and I was in Midtown Manhattan I often used to imagine a sport played with umbrellas modeled after that kite fighting sport they play in Afghanistan where you affix razor blades and crushed glass to your kite string and try to destroy your opponents kite.
44:
What with Art Garfunkel yesterday, Charles Whitman today and now this memory of the Hollies, it's 1965 week on Unfogged.
Canne de combat practitioners sometimes use umbrellas for 'Canne défense', a la Steed from the Avengers.
http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Canne_de_combat#Canne_d.C3.A9fense
48: Also, The Avengers was on the air then.
I'm sure someone will get a Get Off of My Cloud in before the week is out.
Is finding men carrying umbrellas not acceptable remotely a thing?!
Here, it's the mark of a tourist.
I gave my daughters kokeshi doll umbrellas. They don't use them, because I have taught them to grit their teeth into the storm ignore the constant drizzle.
Constant drizzle is nice to walk in, but this time of year we get downpours.
53: I walked home from work Monday night and when I got to Mount Rodent we got a glorious spritzing that lasted for at least half an hour. To call it a drizzle would be overstating it, more like a mist affected by gravity. Very refreshing.
My mother's family refers to that sort of inbetween mist and rain as "It's a soft day." I figure that's Irish generally, but I've only heard it from my relatives.
I never heard it, but Nebraska doesn't really have that kind of thing.
We were having a lot more heavy mist than usual in the Barea last week - my phone kept saying "light rain" but there was no need for raingear.
28 was clearly posted by someone living in an alternate world where everyone wears hats with brims wide enough that they don't get their arms wet if they wear them in the rain.
If only some genius would develop some kind of covering for the torso and arms that was impermeable to water!
The idea of umbrellas being antisocial sounds bizarre, but I guess they are if you have to deal with crowded sidewalks.
60: flaying is illegal in most jurisdictions.
Raincoats are a nice idea, but they're just too hot for most of the time it rains.
61 - not necessarily crowded, but well-used.
59 - tbh, I only said hat because Moby said hat. I'm happy with compulsory kagouls. Or arms that will just dry off.
If only some genius would develop some kind of covering for the torso and arms that was impermeable to water!
Sounds like a fun thing to carry around with you for hours if it might rain hard but also might not rain at all.
64.2: I'm not the same person as JRoth. There are witnesses who have seen us in the same room at the same time.
I would comment, but that would violate the sanctity of off-blog communication.
Does oiled boiled leather stay dry-ish? Can't find my Toughguide to Fantasyland.
If I remember nethack right that sounds plausible.
So it's fine if you lay it on the ground and write "ELBERETH" in the dust.
On rainy days I just cover my body and clothes in linseed oil.
You can make a floor by sealing cob with boiled linseed oil.
Speaking of awesome, anyone who hasn't gotten to Mallory Ortberg on Gawain and the Green Knight should go read it. I wrote a big paper on it in college, and her version is pretty straightforwardly accurate.
mm that sounds like a Gawain problem
not a Lady Bertilak problem
I lolled.
should be a synonym for parasol
In Spanish, they distinguish the two correctly: paraguas ("it stops water") and parasol ("it stops sun"). For bonus no-one-cares points, a windshield is a parabrisas ("it stops breezes").
And parabolas are used for defense against the gauchos.
And paratroopers actually are used as a defense against troopers.
But the paralympics have proven ineffective against the lympics.
66 - damn, sorry, I didn't check back and the Face Hat thing confused me.
Parasol must be French, so we'll just call umbrellas parapluies.
Defeat chart profligacy with paragraphs.
And if apples aren't working for you, you can fend off unwanted medical personnel with a simple paradox.
Paradiddles are good protection against Garfunkels and Duggars.
Three parades, one right after the other, is a decent option for protection against encrypted data.
The Montana hamlet of Paradise was apparently named for the Pair o' Dice Saloon. That's easier than the Salish name, anyway: čɫl̓q̓ʷe
80: Unfortunately, the Parageorgics have not proven as effective as the paregoric.
One could escape the malfeasance of an erstwhile pizza chain advertising campaign character by being paranoid. (Only until '95, it seems.)
Sure, we all love Lincoln Chafee. But will he play in čɫl̓q̓ʷe?
Paracelsus can protect you from ancient roman medicaments.
A paraclete can protect you from soccer shoes.
||
Hipster cocktail scene, you've gone too far!
"I'm looking to source as many things from the ocean as possible," said Biancaniello. And he's not just talking about the liquor-infused oysters he's known for. He's talking about whale blow holes. "I'm trying to get the calcium deposits from whale blow holes legally," said Biancaniello. "They are supposed to have an amazing ocean flavor."
|>
The sea was angry that day my friends. Like a whale with a calcified blowhole.
There's an ointment, but whales can't reach their own blowhole.
an amazing ocean flavor
"Barkeep, this seawater tastes like whale snot!"
"Soft day" is Irish, but has become such a Ryan's Daughter/Quiet Man-ish cliché that nobody says it unironically.
A paraclete can protect you from soccer shoes.
Actually Paraclete will protect you from bullets. http://www.pointblankenterprises.com/paraclete/
Tragically, it's not as far as I know part of a range of Military Equipment Named After Obscure Theological Terms.
97: "Barkeep, this seawater tastes like whale snot!"
Shhh! Or everybody will want some.