Re: Sharks

1

Wow, Tiger looks like hungover shit.


Posted by: Flippanter | Link to this comment | 07- 1-15 3:08 PM
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2

I'm perversely glad that there have actually been shark attacks and this isn't a flagrant analogy ban violation.


Posted by: nosflow | Link to this comment | 07- 1-15 3:23 PM
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3

The bigg racks thread is the other one right?

Jellyfish and hippos kill more people than sharks do.
http://www.amny.com/lifestyle/style/shark-week-sharknado-socks-and-more-fin-inspired-fashion-1.10591869


Posted by: lw | Link to this comment | 07- 1-15 3:43 PM
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4

OTOH you can see how a little more parallel construction might have played well. Wouldn't it be prudent, GOLFER'S WIVES, to stay out of the sack, etc.


Posted by: k-sky | Link to this comment | 07- 1-15 3:43 PM
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5

or maybe I'll be guest posting at Standpipe's blog during his North Carolina beach vacation


Posted by: k-sky | Link to this comment | 07- 1-15 3:44 PM
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6

4: I think I was thinking of something that would have been more tasteless.


Posted by: nosflow | Link to this comment | 07- 1-15 3:47 PM
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7

Welcome to the club.


Posted by: Moby Hick | Link to this comment | 07- 1-15 3:48 PM
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8

The North Carolinians who were competent enough to close unsafe beaches were all voted out of office.


Posted by: Todd | Link to this comment | 07- 1-15 4:20 PM
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9

It's Greg Norman who was known as the Shark, ogged. Anyway.


Posted by: slolernr | Link to this comment | 07- 1-15 4:44 PM
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10

Do golfers actually have colleagues? I mean they're all trying to beat each other, it's not like (Davis Cup excepted) you really get teams.


Posted by: Josh | Link to this comment | 07- 1-15 4:52 PM
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11

I walked around in a park the other day with a bag full of clubs, trying to beat people, and nobody gave me a million dollars!


Posted by: Natilo Paennim | Link to this comment | 07- 1-15 5:02 PM
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12

New legislation in North Carolina makes it illegal for the government to consider reports of shark attacks when making decisions about whether to close beaches for safety reasons.


Posted by: Sifu Tweety | Link to this comment | 07- 1-15 5:13 PM
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13

sorry 12 is missing a link


Posted by: Sifu Tweety | Link to this comment | 07- 1-15 5:13 PM
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14

God is trying to punish South Carolina but sharks are bad at map-reading.


Posted by: biohazard | Link to this comment | 07- 1-15 5:24 PM
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15

13: Just like back on the veldt!


Posted by: Natilo Paennim | Link to this comment | 07- 1-15 5:30 PM
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16

14: There was a shark attack yesterday in Isle of Palms, SC, which is basically Charleston East.


Posted by: Stanley | Link to this comment | 07- 1-15 5:32 PM
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17

16: Cool. That restores my faith. Thanks.


Posted by: Biohazard | Link to this comment | 07- 1-15 5:57 PM
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18

Glad I could help.


Posted by: Opinionated Pre-teen with shark teeth marks | Link to this comment | 07- 1-15 6:01 PM
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19

These are isolated uncoordinated attacks that all happen to have occurred close together in time. There's no evidence that the sharks have started a campaign of terror to reinforce shark supremacy over the coastal populace.


Posted by: fake accent | Link to this comment | 07- 1-15 6:48 PM
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20

ONCE AGAIN, WE DO ALL THE WORK, AND THE BIG, SEXY SHARKS GET ALL THE COVERAGE.


Posted by: OPINIONATED RIP CURRENTS | Link to this comment | 07- 1-15 6:56 PM
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21

That Deadspin link is pretty funny.


Posted by: ogged | Link to this comment | 07- 1-15 7:07 PM
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22

13 is very funny


Posted by: urple | Link to this comment | 07- 1-15 7:21 PM
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23

after there have been six in a little over a month

Number seven happened at Ocracoke this afternoon!


Posted by: apostropher | Link to this comment | 07- 1-15 7:29 PM
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24

19: That's what the statisticians want you to think.


Posted by: Biohazard | Link to this comment | 07- 1-15 7:57 PM
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25

Or at least 95% of them.


Posted by: Moby Hick | Link to this comment | 07- 1-15 8:02 PM
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26

Well, we may all be getting older around here, but clearly Ogged is the only one old enough to have started watching golf.


Posted by: Cryptic ned | Link to this comment | 07- 2-15 5:35 AM
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27

On OP.2, are we really sure we can blame Woods. Maybe he was like Charlie Sheen in Major League, the unknowing tool of a plot to hurt a guy who was on LA Law.


Posted by: Moby Hick | Link to this comment | 07- 2-15 5:36 AM
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28

Stay away from sharks, that's my motto!


Posted by: Spike | Link to this comment | 07- 2-15 5:45 AM
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29

What have dancing Puerto Ricans ever done to you?


Posted by: Moby Hick | Link to this comment | 07- 2-15 5:53 AM
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30

Dancing Puerto Ricans killed my Uncle Ben.


Posted by: Spike | Link to this comment | 07- 2-15 5:57 AM
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31

I don't know enough to get Spiderman jokes.


Posted by: Moby Hick | Link to this comment | 07- 2-15 5:58 AM
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32

Well, we may all be getting older around here, but clearly Ogged is the only one old enough to have started watching golf.

If playing golf is a good walk spoiled, is watching it on the box a good couch spoiled?


Posted by: chris y | Link to this comment | 07- 2-15 6:04 AM
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33

It's certainly easier to nap through that NASCAR.


Posted by: Moby Hick | Link to this comment | 07- 2-15 6:05 AM
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34

Isn't it customary, NORTH CAROLINA, to close a beach after there's been a shark attack?

Serious question: is it?


Posted by: ajay | Link to this comment | 07- 2-15 6:32 AM
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35

It's better to close before the attack, but the Department of Pre-Bite doesn't exist yet.


Posted by: Moby Hick | Link to this comment | 07- 2-15 6:34 AM
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36

If the lifeguards or somebody put up a humungous poster saying "A Great White Shark has been observed in inshore waters near this beach seven times in the last week", it's a racing certanty i. that half the people on the beach would immediately dive in to look for it, and ii. that anybody who was attacked and survived would sue the lifeguards for not warning them.


Posted by: chris y | Link to this comment | 07- 2-15 6:39 AM
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37

I'm perversely glad that there have actually been shark attacks and this isn't a flagrant analogy ban violation.

HOOPER: You were at the US Open?
BRODY: What happened?
QUINT: Sliced three of my approach shots into the rough. It was coming back towards the clubhouse, on the long fourteenth. The dog-leg. With the water trap off to the left of the fairway. All three shots went into the water. Two feet two inches deep. You know how you know that, when your shot's in the water, chief? You tell by comparin' it to your driver. Standard driver is thirty-three inches long. What I didn't know was... Tiger Woods was comin' up the fairway behind me. So I started thrashin' around in that water trap, thinkin' maybe I'd scare him away. Sometimes that works, with a nervous golfer. Sometimes it doesn't. You ever look at a pro golfer's eyes, chief? He's got lifeless eyes, black, like a doll's eyes. When he's standin' by the green, waitin' for you to putt, he doesn't even seem to be livin'. Till it's his turn to putt, and the eyes roll over white. Then you hear that terrible golf clappin'.
End of that hole, I was seven shots over par. I don't know how many it took me to hole out. Maybe thirteen. Maybe thirty. And about my twentieth shot, my caddy comes over and he hands me a putter. And you know, that was the most scared I was, waiting to take that shot. I'll never put on a Pringle sweater again.
So, three balls went into the water. Fourth one I holed out. July 17, 2012.
Anyway, we halved the hole and match.


Posted by: ajay | Link to this comment | 07- 2-15 6:42 AM
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38

37 is good.

It also reminded me of this.


Posted by: Moby Hick | Link to this comment | 07- 2-15 6:44 AM
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39

37: Wow.


Posted by: Flippanter | Link to this comment | 07- 2-15 7:10 AM
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40

Time permitting, I would also do "Colonel Kurtz Describes His First Match At The Royal and Ancient", "Aragorn Son of Arathorn Encourages His Caddy Before Teeing Off at the Black Gate of Mordor" and "Colonel Jessup Justifies The Importance of Golf To A Sceptical Tom Cruise".


Posted by: ajay | Link to this comment | 07- 2-15 7:33 AM
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41

38.2: Which in turn reminds me of this.

37 is great.


Posted by: Mr. Blandings | Link to this comment | 07- 2-15 8:17 AM
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42

Golf clap.


Posted by: LizardBreath | Link to this comment | 07- 2-15 8:19 AM
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43

42: Burns.


Posted by: Tiger Woods | Link to this comment | 07- 2-15 8:23 AM
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44

43 is great.


Posted by: Moby Hick | Link to this comment | 07- 2-15 8:24 AM
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45

Or, conversely, "Bertie Wooster Describes How He Attempted To Assassinate General de Gaulle With A Custom-Built Rifle".


Posted by: ajay | Link to this comment | 07- 2-15 8:25 AM
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46

Well done 43.


Posted by: ajay | Link to this comment | 07- 2-15 8:25 AM
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47

Bravo to 37. The source for the coda is quintessential ajay.


Posted by: Barry Freed | Link to this comment | 07- 2-15 9:22 AM
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48

47: Pure coincidence: I've never read it in my life.


Posted by: ajay | Link to this comment | 07- 2-15 9:38 AM
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49

Thanks Barry! Based on those few pages, I just bought Climbing the army ladder.

"Bertie Wooster Describes How He Attempted To Assassinate General de Gaulle With A Custom-Built Rifle" would be wonderful.


Posted by: md 20/400 | Link to this comment | 07- 2-15 10:30 AM
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50

"Colonel Kurtz Describes His First Match At The Royal and Ancient"

Sold.


Posted by: Flippanter | Link to this comment | 07- 2-15 12:56 PM
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51

Since this is the summer recreation thread...

It is appalling to me how few of these songs I can actually hum a few bars of. (12, being generous with Ace of Base and Dj Jazzy Jeff.) I bet Heebie can get at least 30.


Posted by: k-sky | Link to this comment | 07- 2-15 1:49 PM
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52

51 -- that list has like 3x too much Rhianna.


Posted by: Roberto Tigre | Link to this comment | 07- 2-15 2:13 PM
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51: Where's Sly and John Sebastian and...Beach Boys?

You kids great-grandkids get offa my lawn sprinklers.


Posted by: bob mcmanus | Link to this comment | 07- 2-15 2:29 PM
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54

||
And the netnanny locked me out of the porn-teacher thread. Not that I'm even a little surprised.

|>


Posted by: LizardBreath | Link to this comment | 07- 2-15 2:41 PM
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55

That was comment 15 (Halford), which really rebutted your 13.


Posted by: Moby Hick | Link to this comment | 07- 2-15 2:46 PM
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56

We'll, uh, save some for you.


Posted by: ogged | Link to this comment | 07- 2-15 2:48 PM
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57

I now look back fondly on simpler times when "butt chugging" was simply a vodka enema.


Posted by: Moby Hick | Link to this comment | 07- 2-15 3:05 PM
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58

Since this is the summer recreation thread...

I made you some mixes! Gabardine Bathyscaphe reminded me that I used to like to do that. Blame her.

The New Drill
New - Paul McCartney
Love Is Greed - Passion Pit
We Belong (feat. Katie Herzig) - RAC
Go / Valley Lodge
Dark Sunglasses - Chrissie Hynde
Break the Walls - Fitz & The Tantrums
Heaven - The Orion Experience
I Never Thought It Would Happen - The Rubinoos
i - Kendrick Lamar
Hayloft - Nickel Creek
The Rhythm You Started - Sophie Madeleine
Dream City - Free Energy
Can You Get to That - Mavis Staples
Say Goodbye - Norah Jones
Distracted - the Human Hearts (with Franklin Bruno and Jenny Toomey)
Midnight At the Oasis - Maria Muldaur
Green Garden - Laura Mvula
The Drill - Gui Boratto

Waiting for Torch Song
Acetylene Torch Song - Source Victoria
Cristo Redentor - Donald Byrd
Blank Space - Taylor Swift
Speed of the Sound of Loneliness - The New Line
Giant - Matrimony
Nothing Like You and I - The Perishers
Woman of the Ghetto - Marlena Shaw
Stoned and Starving - Parquet Courts
All Your Gold - Bat For Lashes
We Can't Have Nice Things - Kelly Hogan
Waiting on June - Holly Williams
I Will Follow You Into the Dark - Amy Millan
Pour Un Instant - Harmonium
Nobody Knows - Pastor T. L. Barrett and the Youth For Christ Choir
Happy Pills - Norah Jones
Holiday Road - Matt Pond PA
10,000 Emerald Pools - B├śRNS


Posted by: k-sky | Link to this comment | 07- 4-15 10:34 AM
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