Re: I Have Something For You

1

I'm told that jizz in the eye hurts a lot, so the whole facial thing is playing with fire. Plus there's a chance of getting it in her/his hair.


Posted by: togolosh | Link to this comment | 09-22-15 5:35 AM
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2

Isn't this what condoms are for?


Posted by: JRoth | Link to this comment | 09-22-15 5:52 AM
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3

Always the romantic, that JRoth.


Posted by: teofilo | Link to this comment | 09-22-15 6:00 AM
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4

I think I posted this clip* from This is the End a short time ago, but it is much more on-topic for this thread. Visuals sort of unsafe for work; audio completely unsafe.

*Or it may have actually been the later scene that reference the on in the link: "I've just been crying and cumming, crying and cumming. Tears from the tip of my penis dudes."


Posted by: JP Stormcrow | Link to this comment | 09-22-15 6:36 AM
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5

Sonewhat related - there is a chain of gas station/ convenience stores in Colorado called Kum & Go.


Posted by: Bostoniangirl | Link to this comment | 09-22-15 6:37 AM
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6

I give them points for the Pollock illo.


Posted by: grumbles | Link to this comment | 09-22-15 6:41 AM
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7

That's in Nebraska also.


Posted by: Moby Hick | Link to this comment | 09-22-15 6:41 AM
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8

Is this the fasting thread?


Posted by: fake accent | Link to this comment | 09-22-15 6:43 AM
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9

1: it does sting like a bitch, I'm not sure why but I suppose it's salty like sweat? but that's not a reason to avoid something that might be fun. I remember reading a scholarly article that said, "no one could have sex in this fashion all the time, so porn is unrealistic in this regard." but what the fuck did they think would preclude it? there are more logistical issues for anal sex and people can have anal every time if they want. #teambashfuloffering.


Posted by: alameida | Link to this comment | 09-22-15 6:59 AM
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10

5, 7:

Also Chicago


Posted by: idp | Link to this comment | 09-22-15 7:05 AM
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11

Doesn't it sting because it's basic? (i.e. the opposite of acidic.)


Posted by: Unfoggetarian: "Pause endlessly, then go in" (9) | Link to this comment | 09-22-15 7:05 AM
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12

There was a girl in college who used to walk daintily down the hall, cheeks slightly puffed, to spit in the sink in the bathroom.


Posted by: oudemia | Link to this comment | 09-22-15 7:06 AM
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13

That's decorum. I had dorm mates who would spit tobacco juice on the floor.


Posted by: Moby Hick | Link to this comment | 09-22-15 7:07 AM
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14

This is a leadership test, right?


Posted by: Flippanter | Link to this comment | 09-22-15 7:24 AM
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15

Right. For headmaster.


Posted by: Moby Hick | Link to this comment | 09-22-15 7:29 AM
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16

Nice.

OT: The new Pope seems very nice but holy huckleberries in a handbasket is he going to mess up traffic this week.


Posted by: Flippanter | Link to this comment | 09-22-15 7:32 AM
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17

This seems like quite possibly the least appropriate thread in which to talk about the Pope.


Posted by: teofilo | Link to this comment | 09-22-15 7:34 AM
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18

Love is everywhere.


Posted by: Flippanter | Link to this comment | 09-22-15 7:36 AM
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19

Kinky.


Posted by: teofilo | Link to this comment | 09-22-15 7:38 AM
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20

I'm loving the right wing freak out about the pope's stance on climate change. The Heartland Institute has pretty much called him a secret pagan for giving a shit about nature.


Posted by: togolosh | Link to this comment | 09-22-15 7:40 AM
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21

Does the Pope come in the woods?


Posted by: apostropher | Link to this comment | 09-22-15 7:41 AM
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22

(Also, I find it hilarious that this pope has suddenly made religious conservatives advocates of church-state separation.)


Posted by: apostropher | Link to this comment | 09-22-15 7:43 AM
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23

Like uber, but for bodily fluids.


Posted by: fake accent | Link to this comment | 09-22-15 7:45 AM
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24

22: Especially right-wing American Catholics. Infallibility's a bitch sometimes, ain't it, guys?


Posted by: teofilo | Link to this comment | 09-22-15 7:45 AM
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25

Careful, you don't want to get scism everywhere.


Posted by: fake accent | Link to this comment | 09-22-15 7:46 AM
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26

Damn on screen keyboard leaving out letters.


Posted by: fake accent | Link to this comment | 09-22-15 7:47 AM
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27

24: I'm pretty sure he hasn't officially invoked infallibility on climate change.


Posted by: Moby Hick | Link to this comment | 09-22-15 7:48 AM
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28

25: Maybe you don't.


Posted by: teofilo | Link to this comment | 09-22-15 7:48 AM
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29

27: I was thinking more of the social justice and inequality stuff. He probably hasn't invoked it there either, granted.


Posted by: teofilo | Link to this comment | 09-22-15 7:49 AM
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30

Speaking of leadership opportunities, I love this from some dickwad writing for Politico:

If ever there was an opportune moment for President Barack Obama to showcase his faith -- his Christian faith -- it's this week, when he'll have a pope at his side.


Posted by: JP Stormcrow | Link to this comment | 09-22-15 7:50 AM
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31

24: Governor Fatso McLoudmouth Chris Christie appeared on television the other night to drop some "not ex cathedra" on the Pope's climate change remarks. Wow, thanks, Hans K√ľng, tell us more.


Posted by: Flippanter | Link to this comment | 09-22-15 7:52 AM
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32

21: Fuck the pope, where does he get off?


Posted by: JP Stormcrow | Link to this comment | 09-22-15 7:53 AM
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33

Have I mentioned that a guy who works in my building has pictures of his Argentinian nephew on vacation with the Pope back before he was Pope? The pictures are friendly but not compromising, but my acquaintance implies that there was an improper relationship. (And the pictures do look like Francis, but of course I'm not sure.)


Posted by: LizardBreath | Link to this comment | 09-22-15 7:54 AM
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34

Or more Stalinesque: Fuck the pope, how many scisms does he have.


Posted by: JP Stormcrow | Link to this comment | 09-22-15 7:54 AM
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35

33 to 32.


Posted by: LizardBreath | Link to this comment | 09-22-15 7:54 AM
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36

I assume papal masturbation porn is a thing.


Posted by: JP Stormcrow | Link to this comment | 09-22-15 7:55 AM
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37

36: IT IS NOW.


Posted by: OPINIONATED THAT GUY FROM THE CATHOLIC LEAGUE | Link to this comment | 09-22-15 7:59 AM
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38

32 is great.


Posted by: ogged | Link to this comment | 09-22-15 8:03 AM
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39

Vatican Voyeur.

Best Vatican Uprobes!

Holy See!

Pontifftube.

*Your* Holiness.

Stufetta della Bibbiena


Posted by: JP Stormcrow | Link to this comment | 09-22-15 8:30 AM
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40

Decry, decry, masturbate, decry.


Posted by: fake accent | Link to this comment | 09-22-15 8:44 AM
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41

Pulp Benediction


Posted by: fake accent | Link to this comment | 09-22-15 8:47 AM
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42

Find out where the rosaries are hidden! Click here!

Why is there a hole in the confessional down there?


Posted by: grumbles | Link to this comment | 09-22-15 8:49 AM
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43

Sceptr


Posted by: JP Stormcrow | Link to this comment | 09-22-15 8:50 AM
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44

Why is there a hole in the confessional down there?

For the greater glory!


Posted by: JP Stormcrow | Link to this comment | 09-22-15 8:51 AM
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45

Go home, Graham Greene, you're drunk on sacerdotal wine again.


Posted by: Flippanter | Link to this comment | 09-22-15 9:01 AM
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46

Despite what the History of Henry Esmond taught you, the Jesuits are super great. And also extremely gay. I think I've told the story before of when I was in Rome at a high-end religious tchotchkes store buying nativity scene items for my parents nativity scene collection and some Jesuits came in who would have seemed way over the top for stereotypically twinky gay guys in a horrible 70s homophobic comedy (squealing over baby Jesuses, doing little jumps, flamboyant arm waves, etc.). Part of the current Pope's deal is surely not inly understanding and sympathizing with the poor, for which he now is probably the world's best and greatest spokesperson, but also trying to redirect the Church away from a ridiculously obsessive focus on sexuality that undoubtedly has hurt a lot of people he knew and liked.


Posted by: Roberto Tigre | Link to this comment | 09-22-15 9:28 AM
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47

Anyhow I am really hoping that this thread becomes a theology thread. There surely is a theology of cumming in people's faces, arguably that's what Onanism is actually about, as opposed to mastrubation.


Posted by: Roberto Tigre | Link to this comment | 09-22-15 9:30 AM
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48

I'd like to read that argument.


Posted by: nosflow | Link to this comment | 09-22-15 9:35 AM
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49

Beyond arguably, given that Onan never masturbated.


Posted by: foolishmortal | Link to this comment | 09-22-15 9:37 AM
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50

He may have but just not told the people who were inclined to write down what happened to him.


Posted by: Moby Hick | Link to this comment | 09-22-15 9:37 AM
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51

I expect he said, "You wrote down what?" and just never talked to anyone again.


Posted by: Moby Hick | Link to this comment | 09-22-15 9:39 AM
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52

48 -- Don't aim for the ground, aim for the face or body, for that is an act of love whereas on the ground was just a display of pure contempt for God's command to propogate. Hell, God expliclty says in that story that you can even do your bro's wife, as long as you're not a selfish dick about it and share the seed with her. Done and done. Theology, like law, is easy.


Posted by: Roberto Tigre | Link to this comment | 09-22-15 9:40 AM
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53

I'm reading this comment thread while proctoring a calculus exam. It feels reasonably like a reasonably inappropriate contrast.


Posted by: Buttercup | Link to this comment | 09-22-15 10:10 AM
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54

I thought the crux was that Onan didn't want to impregnate her and I'm pretty sure aiming for the face still have let him achieve that goal.


Posted by: nosflow | Link to this comment | 09-22-15 10:11 AM
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55

She still has options at that point.


Posted by: Moby Hick | Link to this comment | 09-22-15 10:12 AM
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56

Right, and it's also a more shared experience. Coming on the ground is just selfish satisfaction for the dude, without an ethic of care for the brother's wife. Clearly the real point of the story is that if God tells you to do something kinky, you do it no questions asked, but I think Onan would have fared better if he hadn't been so contemptuous of the sex qua sex.


Posted by: Roberto Tigre | Link to this comment | 09-22-15 10:25 AM
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57

Kinky as in "impregnate your brother's wife."


Posted by: Roberto Tigre | Link to this comment | 09-22-15 10:26 AM
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58

Having sex with your wife is kinky? They were married, weren't they?


Posted by: nosflow | Link to this comment | 09-22-15 10:26 AM
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59

It's only kinky if he's alive.


Posted by: Moby Hick | Link to this comment | 09-22-15 10:26 AM
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60

I thought that after his brother/her husband died they themselves got married.


Posted by: nosflow | Link to this comment | 09-22-15 10:27 AM
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61

59 to 57.


Posted by: Moby Hick | Link to this comment | 09-22-15 10:27 AM
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62

60: I thought he they didn't get themselves married so much as they were married without any choice on their part specifically for her to have a child.


Posted by: Moby Hick | Link to this comment | 09-22-15 10:28 AM
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63

Onan didn't enthusiastically consent.


Posted by: Moby Hick | Link to this comment | 09-22-15 10:30 AM
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64

There was a whole weird "if the guy dies his brother is married to the wife and supposed to impregnate her" rule/custom/whatever for, I can only assume, family lineage type reasons.


Posted by: MHPH | Link to this comment | 09-22-15 10:31 AM
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65

Right, the whole thing was that Onan couldn't handle the knkitude of doing and impregnating his bro's wife because it was too weird. God said "get over yourself dude, when I say fuck, fuck."


Posted by: Roberto Tigre | Link to this comment | 09-22-15 10:32 AM
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66

And I guess the Jesuit thing helps make sense of this confusing bit of vatican merch.


Posted by: MHPH | Link to this comment | 09-22-15 10:35 AM
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67

God just killed him for spilling seed. But I thought the idea was so that the widow wouldn't be left without a means of support in a patriarchal society.


Posted by: Moby Hick | Link to this comment | 09-22-15 10:35 AM
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68

Also, according to Wikipedia, Onan was mostly thinking of inheritance. If he got his sister-in-law pregnant, that kid would be head of him (and his regular kids, if he had them) in the line for dad's stuff.


Posted by: Moby Hick | Link to this comment | 09-22-15 10:42 AM
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69

64. Whadya mean "There was"?


Posted by: chris y | Link to this comment | 09-22-15 10:46 AM
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70

I lament not being on here at the right time to locate and post the Coco Peru "it BURNS!" clip from 1999's negligible Trick in response to comment 1.


Posted by: Mister Smearcase | Link to this comment | 09-22-15 12:22 PM
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71

30: great now I have the Thompson Twins' "Pope on Your Side" stuck in my head.


Posted by: Mister Smearcase | Link to this comment | 09-22-15 12:27 PM
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72

36
I assume papal masturbation porn is a thing.

Forbidden by custom after the black puff of smoke.


Posted by: Mister Smearcase | Link to this comment | 09-22-15 12:32 PM
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73

Queen Elizabeth / Pope Francis / George Takei slashfic, anyone?


Posted by: Minivet | Link to this comment | 09-22-15 1:00 PM
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74

Theology, like law, is easy.

I would have gone with "like []'s mom," but, you know, whatever.


Posted by: Flippanter | Link to this comment | 09-22-15 1:09 PM
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75

Oh, Jesus fuck: "Decry, decry, masturbate, decry" is the perfect description of the life of a conservative pundit. I shall never read George F(uckwit) Will again without seeing that like a floater between me and the text.


Posted by: Nworb Werdna | Link to this comment | 09-22-15 1:29 PM
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76

75:

Sure, but anything in particular, just now?


Posted by: idp | Link to this comment | 09-22-15 1:47 PM
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77

I love the "I don't like doing laundry, but I shower anyway" reasoning.


Posted by: asilon | Link to this comment | 09-22-15 1:57 PM
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78

72. Apparently the Pope gets blown pretty often.


Posted by: MHPH | Link to this comment | 09-22-15 2:03 PM
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79

Since no one is going to actually click on the link in 4 despite its extreme on-topicness, a dramatization of the Onan story requiring surprisngly minor modifications to the dialogue in the clip.

God played by James Franco
Onan played by Danny McBride

God: Who did this?
Onan: Did what? What are you talking about?
God: Jizzed on the ground.
Onan: It was me, God. I fuckin' made jizz on the ground.
God: What?
Onan: When I fuckin' fuck long enough, I end up jizzin', dude. I'm assuming, the same shit works for you?
God: Real fuckin' smart answer! Why don't you fuckin' cum inside your brother's wife, huh?
Onan: It makes me cum harder if I see it.
God: What the fuck kind of fucking is that? What, your brother didn't teach you? You never learned to jizz in to her fuckin' pussy?
Onan: You think that's the only thing I jizzed on in here? I've been dropping loads around this fuckin' Hirah the Adullamite's house like a goddamn donkey.
God: You don't cum on my stuff!
Onan: I'll cum wherever the fuck I want, God! I'll fuckin' cum on your Promised Land, I'll cum all over your fuckin' creation, I'll cum anywhere I want!
God: I will fuckin' cum right on you! I will cum like a fuckin' madman all over you, Onan!
Onan: Ooh! I fuckin' wish you'd cum on me right now! I fuckin' dare you to cum on me!
[God and Onan exchange masturbation gestures at each other]
Onan: [Grabbing shepherd's staff between his legs] I'm gonna jack my dick so fuckin' hard in here...
God: This, no more, man! All over your fuckin' face!
Onan: ...All over the fuckin' ground, all over the fuckin' place! I'll cum everywhere!
God: [Waving his hand angrily] No more fuckin' cumming in my world, Onan!
Onan:


Posted by: JP Stormcrow | Link to this comment | 09-22-15 2:27 PM
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80

Despite researching and composing that at work, in a rare fit of completely ineffective attempted discretion I waited to post it from home.


Posted by: JP Stormcrow | Link to this comment | 09-22-15 2:31 PM
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81

There was a segment on local Boston public radio about how much power and influence Cardinal Law had even after he moved to Rome to get away from the scandals and possible prosecution. Even in disgrace, he had a ton of influence over the choice of bishops in the U.S. I'm not Catholic, but I was still so angry. I do like Francis.


Posted by: Bostoniangirl | Link to this comment | 09-22-15 3:48 PM
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82

||

NMM to one of baseball's greatest catchers and uniquely American character Yogi Berra.

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Posted by: Barry Freed | Link to this comment | 09-23-15 1:16 AM
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83

No one masturbates anymore; it's too popular.


Posted by: JP Stormcrow | Link to this comment | 09-23-15 3:13 AM
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84

82: Yeah, I spent a lot of time looking at Berra's stats and his teams, and he was great. There was some confusion over at LGM between "greatest catcher ever" and "greatest player ever" and well looking at the 50s Yankees it looks to me like they won more on pitching than hitting, and Mantle didn't help the pitching much.

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Anime Report.

Summer season looks like it focuses on niche material, so there isn't much to generally recommend, besides the consensus that summer is always the weakest of the fout (smaller audiences). This summer was interesting in one respect in that multiple series pushed the boundaries of what could be broadcast on public tv in terms of ecchi/dirty joke material.

As in for instance verbal swallowing cum jokes. They got in trouble, and mentioned on the floor of the Diet.

Anyway, the above not my thing at all. What I liked enough to mention:

1) Sore ga seiyuu is about three rookie voice actresses, performed by...rookie voice actresses. Will they find work? Can they dance in the silly video? Can they do the audio book on two hours notice? Will they blubber in the presence of the established veteran (cameos)? Interesting and fun for those who follow anime.

2) Gakkou gurashi (School Living Club) is about four middle-school girls trapped by an army of zombies. Umm, horror here, as in the eyes are subtly drawn to show a level of of permanent terror. They may be, as far as they know, the last on Earth. The "message" is interesting and important, in that it says that not only can you survive in the very worst of circumstances, you can be happy and have fun, if you rely on and help your friends. This may be delusional but necessary, and it is interrogated. There is a subtext about Japanese attitudes toward school.

3) Akagami no Shirayukihime.

"Medieval" setting. This is about a poor girl from the boonies who learns herbalism, moves to castle town, and gets into a romance with the younger Prince. That's all, folks. Someone asked, well, is there gonna be conflict and drama, like resistance from parents in second season? Umm, no, manga remains light and fluffy. This shit is nice, everybody is nice, castle is clean, no war, subjects just love their princes who work very hard for the people. Hardcore Fairytale romance, and kinda amazing for it.

Recommended, like Hibike Euphonium before, for the craft. My God, does this look pretty. Really really fucking pretty. The dust motes dance in the sunbeams in the mottled forest as our pair hold hands. This anime will make you feel...nice.

3) Finally, old stuff that is art more than craft

Aoi Hana is considered the classic best yuri lesbian (not Class S schoolgirl crushes, although they are there for contrast) anime series (maybe after Utena) Very respectful simple story about a high school girl coming out and gaining confidence, what makes it great is that it "shows not tells" and the process of her coming-of-age is shown in changes in her facial expressions, body language, and background art, with little to no internal monologues or dramatic dialogues. (I do check yuri/lesbian sites for confirmation, they love the manga more, but love this anime.)

This is visual language and expression. Classic.

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Posted by: bob mcmanus | Link to this comment | 09-26-15 6:58 AM
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