Re: CV Of Failure

1

Moral: do not homeschool/unschool your kid.


Posted by: heebie-geebie | Link to this comment | 05- 4-16 10:38 AM
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Another moral: man am I good at not bothering to try in the first place.


Posted by: heebie-geebie | Link to this comment | 05- 4-16 10:39 AM
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3

Is that supposed to be reassuring, along the lines of looking at the rejection letters of famous authors?


Posted by: Moby Hick | Link to this comment | 05- 4-16 10:44 AM
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4

That list of grants he didn't get is pathetic. Just about anyone dependent on NIH funding can top that several times over.


Posted by: AcademicLurker | Link to this comment | 05- 4-16 10:46 AM
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That's the idea of the first one.

The second one is telling us the harsh truth that most of us will fail and fail again until eventually we die.


Posted by: peep | Link to this comment | 05- 4-16 10:48 AM
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He's 7 for 12 in getting research grants and thinks pointing this out will reassure other researchers?


Posted by: Moby Hick | Link to this comment | 05- 4-16 10:55 AM
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He deserves an award for humblebragging.


Posted by: SP | Link to this comment | 05- 4-16 10:59 AM
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Next year, so he can put that he failed to get it down for 2016.


Posted by: Moby Hick | Link to this comment | 05- 4-16 11:09 AM
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9

THE ACADEMY THOUGHT WE NEEDED TO LEARN ABOUT FAILURE, BUT I SHOWED THEM!


Posted by: OPINIONATED JAMES T. KIRK | Link to this comment | 05- 4-16 11:13 AM
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This is all part of [probably shrewd and prudent but immensely annoying] people, in whatsoever fields, trying to catch up to and assimilate the latest business/technology shibboleths, right? Cf. T-shirts and lululemon bags with slogans like "Fall eight times, get up nine"? "What would you do if you weren't afraid?"*

* Throw lemon meringue pies at Hell's Angels. I'm just brainstorming here.


Posted by: Flippanter | Link to this comment | 05- 4-16 11:21 AM
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11

I don't have the butt for lululemon. Can I put that on my CV?


Posted by: Moby Hick | Link to this comment | 05- 4-16 11:22 AM
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12

Just keep it off the copy machine.


Posted by: Flippanter | Link to this comment | 05- 4-16 11:23 AM
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13

Hello digital scanner.


Posted by: Moby Hick | Link to this comment | 05- 4-16 11:25 AM
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14

It is interesting when people talk about failure. That guy maybe not so much; but he never really asked for the cv of failure to be a big deal.


Posted by: lemmy caution | Link to this comment | 05- 4-16 11:26 AM
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"What would you do if you weren't afraid?"

Quit buying organic groceries, IASIHMHBHAI.


Posted by: heebie-geebie | Link to this comment | 05- 4-16 11:40 AM
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HAI? Habitually And Incessantly?


Posted by: Minivet | Link to this comment | 05- 4-16 11:42 AM
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17

15: If I weren't afraid, I'd go shop lifting too.


Posted by: Moby Hick | Link to this comment | 05- 4-16 11:45 AM
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18

1 is the winner. F***ing credentials, how do they work?


Posted by: F | Link to this comment | 05- 4-16 12:08 PM
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19

I don't have time for

Winners gotta win.


Posted by: lw | Link to this comment | 05- 4-16 12:26 PM
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1, 18: Another experience that underlines that point is Samantha Field's "Stay at Home Daughters are Raised to be Imprisoned." Well worth reading, along with the rest of her blog, which makes the case quite eloquently that yes, she is quite qualified to go to seminary in spite of the credential issue.


Posted by: Dave W. | Link to this comment | 05- 4-16 12:53 PM
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21

There are ways to get your kids credentials while home-schooling. Sucks for that person that their parent didn't do it, but I don't think you can condemn it from that alone. (This message brought to you by the fact that I suddenly seem to know a lot of home-schooling parents.)


Posted by: Parenthetical | Link to this comment | 05- 4-16 3:42 PM
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22

On topic because of universities and making public things people don't usually bother to mention.

Via Twitter: Dog bites kibble.


Posted by: Moby Hick | Link to this comment | 05- 4-16 4:21 PM
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23

The peak failure CV gave me a reaction like 1. Also...like, someone at some point should have told you getting a PhD in English from a non-top tier school is a massive waste of time, money, and opportunity cost. I mean, getting any PhD from anywhere might be a massive waste of time & opportunity cost, but it holds extra true for a place where your advisors won't even write letters of rec for jobs/funding (!!).

Also, this "I was embarrassed to ask for a waiver," I have a hard time processing my reaction to this. My immediate reaction is an eye roll, but I also know that the psychological barriers of shame for poor people are an observed obstacle to providing help, even if there are available and easily accessible resources.*

*I say this as someone whose received thousands of dollars in means tested aid, including tons of need-based financial aid + summer funding, and is currently on medicaid.


Posted by: Buttercup | Link to this comment | 05- 4-16 5:17 PM
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24

Um, and also can't grammar. Who's received...


Posted by: Buttercup | Link to this comment | 05- 4-16 5:20 PM
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25

Also, the more I think about the LORs, it's insane. Even if you, tenured faculty member, think you are simply propping up a giant pyramid schemed PhD program, why would you not write a LOR? My only other thought is that they all thought she was terrible and didn't want to vouch for her work, and subtle attempts to communicate that went over her head.

Also, I don't get the two foreign languages thing. It's bog standard for any competitive program in the humanities, and if you want to go into the humanities, it's at minimum a hoop you have to jump through and probably a helpful skill. It's also something that you actually can plan ahead for by studying in college, or if you're really motivated you can do it on your own with resources (it sucks but if you're good with languages you can learn one well enough to pass a translation exam with textbooks & online resources).


Posted by: Buttercup | Link to this comment | 05- 4-16 5:28 PM
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26

I know I sound like a cranky conservative, which makes me uncomfortable. Universities are ruthlessly destroying TT academic positions for contingent labor who are ruthlessly exploited, and this process needs to be fought against at the structural level. Adjuncts also need to unionize and fight back. At the same time, people choosing PhDs usually have other options, and at best it's a fool's game. If at every step you're not in the very top (getting into the top programs with funding, getting the right grants, getting published in the right journals, etc.) then you should probably reconsider your choice.


Posted by: Buttercup | Link to this comment | 05- 4-16 5:37 PM
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27

25.1: Maybe they were trying to get her to stop apply at lower ranked institutions where they sometimes place graduates?


Posted by: Moby Hick | Link to this comment | 05- 4-16 5:44 PM
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28

I agree with 26, going anywhere other than a top 20 program is a fool's errand. Also, faculty will usually write letters for almost anything--the fact that no one will recc her is a red flag. I too have applied to those journals, and they're pretty professional. One or two readers might have given unprofessional responses, but they all would not have. She might have been rejected from all these journals, but I would suspect the rejection was merited 80% of the time


Posted by: Miranda | Link to this comment | 05- 4-16 5:54 PM
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I agree with 26, going anywhere other than a top 20 program is a fool's errand.

I think a lot of the problem here is that professors at non-top-20 places are likely to dance around this fact. Or at least that's what was going on at the, uh, top-200 place I did undergrad at. Escaping getting sucked into the graduate school there was probably the best decision of my life.


Posted by: Trivers | Link to this comment | 05- 4-16 6:02 PM
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Isn't there supposedly a two tier market, with people from lower ranked programs sometimes having a chance at jobs at similar institutions where grads from higher ranked programs may be seen as out of place or flight risks?


Posted by: fake accent | Link to this comment | 05- 4-16 6:07 PM
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31

That used to be true. I'm not sure how true it is anymore with the rise of adjunct labor. That's going to depend on the discipline though.


Posted by: MHPH | Link to this comment | 05- 4-16 6:18 PM
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32

Seriously though the aggressive rise of adjunct professoring is a really big thing and it's not a good really big thing in the long run. (In the short term it's great for universities, I mean, but...)

Also the bit described in 23.2 made me wince a little because I recognized this so immediately that it didn't stand out at all. I absolutely would have had huge trouble asking for this kind of thing in any circumstances. (I got it as an undergrad because my college refused to separate it out from anything else, and as far as graduate school went you were funded or not and it didn't matter.) I'm on medicaid right now* and I almost certainly wouldn't be*** if it wasn't for Obamacare and Minnesota literally refusing, on a structural level, to let you have anything else below a certain income level.

*And it's amazing and I'm going to miss it. Co-pays are for suckers!**
**I don't have any and it's fucking unnerving. Seriously, I have trouble with this.
***I'd just be without any savings at all and/or dead.


Posted by: MHPH | Link to this comment | 05- 4-16 6:24 PM
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33

Thanks Obamacare.


Posted by: Moby Hick | Link to this comment | 05- 4-16 6:38 PM
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34

This seems appropriate. Petty shit this reviewer is asking me to do in the first three pages of a 20 page paper:

1. Change "these items do not apply" to "none of these items apply"
2. Change "they are now being directed" to "they are being directed"
3. Change "we need a way to compare if students have improved..." to "we need a way to determine if students have improved"
4. Change "students produce poor attempts often because" to "students often produce poor attempts because"
5. Ask for a citation for a Charles Dickens quote, in a STEM paper.


Posted by: President Irritated | Link to this comment | 05- 4-16 6:45 PM
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35

"Of the items that apply, none of these are included"


Posted by: Moby Hick | Link to this comment | 05- 4-16 6:48 PM
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36

More seriously, I've never seen anything like that in any article that I've been involved with.


Posted by: Moby Hick | Link to this comment | 05- 4-16 6:52 PM
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37

I've seen, in a vanishingly small number of journals that still employ them, copy editors trying to turn sludge into something passable as literate, but never a reviewer.


Posted by: Moby Hick | Link to this comment | 05- 4-16 6:54 PM
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38

Not that those changes look like improvements.


Posted by: Moby Hick | Link to this comment | 05- 4-16 6:56 PM
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39

It's making me livid to tab back and forth between the pdf that the reviewer marked up, the LaTeX pdf, the code, and the response letter for such incredibly petty shit. Oh, you want me to say 'among students' instead of 'between students'? Maybe you should shove it up your ass?

The one that made me go most insane was when they recommended we change "instructor feedback to the student" to "instructor feedback to the students." I HATE THEM.

Also the one where they wanted us to re-order the sentences in a paragraph in order to make it worse.


Posted by: President Irritated | Link to this comment | 05- 4-16 6:56 PM
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40

More seriously, I've never seen anything like that in any article that I've been involved with.

I never have either! I don't understand what's going on! I have other shit I need to be spending my time doing!


Posted by: President Irritated | Link to this comment | 05- 4-16 6:58 PM
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41

Also the reviewer's name is totally visible on the document they marked up. Seems like a nice enough person.


Posted by: President Irritated | Link to this comment | 05- 4-16 6:59 PM
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42

Maybe I'll start trying shit like this. Bring down Elsevier from the inside.


Posted by: Moby Hick | Link to this comment | 05- 4-16 7:00 PM
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43

You can say no.

"We thank the reviewer for their thoughtful comment on the ordering of the paragraph starting at line 105, but have decided it would be best if they fucked themselves."


Posted by: Moby Hick | Link to this comment | 05- 4-16 7:08 PM
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44

Please replace "their" with "her or his".


Posted by: Opinionated Reviewer | Link to this comment | 05- 4-16 7:09 PM
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45

We did some passive-aggressive remarks. Especially with the literary quote.

Also it is BOTH REVIEWERS who are being such weird little shitheads. And their comments on the first pass were much more content-oriented and reasonable.


Posted by: President Irritated | Link to this comment | 05- 4-16 7:19 PM
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46

If they're at Wisconsin, maybe Scott Walker started requiring faculty to be shitheads.


Posted by: Moby Hick | Link to this comment | 05- 4-16 7:23 PM
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47

I have had reviewers try to copy-edit my papers, sometimes obviously non-native English speakers trying to "correct" it to their version of English. Usually it seems to happen when they don't have any substantive criticism but feel like they are expected to do something.


Posted by: essear | Link to this comment | 05- 4-16 7:30 PM
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48

I'm editing a book now and need to stop myself from copy-editing, the publisher has professionals for that. Although in some cases there's a fine line between bad grammar and WTF are you trying to say in this 80 word sentence.


Posted by: SP | Link to this comment | 05- 4-16 7:49 PM
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49

Having received it once, that between -> among correction is now something I can't unsee no matter how I try. I wouldn't hand down those changes for someone else to make, though; only if I were directly responsible for typing up a clean copy.


Posted by: lurid keyaki | Link to this comment | 05- 4-16 7:59 PM
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I would struggle mightily with finding the line between "substantive" edits and "copy" edits, more or less because of 48.last. Also because my inclination, when faced with anything reasonably thoughtful, is to tinker at the edges, not to challenge premises.


Posted by: JRoth | Link to this comment | 05- 4-16 8:02 PM
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51

That's really not how reviewing is supposed to work. Also, the writing is supposed to suck.


Posted by: Moby Hick | Link to this comment | 05- 4-16 8:05 PM
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52

I wonder what would happen if you insisted on inserting a "not" in between "This research was" and "approved by the IRB at all involved institutions."


Posted by: Moby Hick | Link to this comment | 05- 4-16 8:08 PM
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53

Ok, so, I joined this departmental intramural inner tube water polo team due to peer pressure. It turns out all the other teams are made up of undergrad jocks, so our team of out-of-shape 30-something year olds is kind of outmatched. I don't have much upper body strength and hate ball sports, and it occasionally gives me flash backs middle school gym, except our team doesn't really give a fuck, and it's decent exercise and. Anyways, I am BA thesis advisor, and I had to fail a student out of my BA seminar this fall. So of course, my worst nightmare situation, he's a member of the swim team and I had to play against him tonight. He didn't actually play, so instead he got to sit on the side of the pool watching me flail around in an inner tube in a bikini, attempting to block 180 lb 20 YO swim team dudes.

#gradschoolhumiliation #BAthesisadvisornightmares


Posted by: Buttercup | Link to this comment | 05- 4-16 8:10 PM
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54

If you joined the rowing team, would you blame pier pressure?


Posted by: Moby Hick | Link to this comment | 05- 4-16 8:12 PM
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What size bikini does an inner tube wear?
Sorry, that's probably considered copy-editing.


Posted by: SP | Link to this comment | 05- 4-16 8:14 PM
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56

55

I thought the blog cut copy editors when they downsized. Also, you can't expect me to write well when I'm remembering a humiliating moment I just had.


Posted by: Buttercup | Link to this comment | 05- 4-16 8:17 PM
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57

If there's one thing Unfogged will never cut, it's copy editing.


Posted by: teofilo | Link to this comment | 05- 4-16 8:18 PM
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58

You're probably confused because the official position title is "little bitch."


Posted by: SP | Link to this comment | 05- 4-16 8:22 PM
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59

Without reading everything:
1 Homeschooling is incredibly evil;
2 As I've been writing the Tooze summary I keep wondering how far alternate-universe me is with his phd. Turns out, broke, without funding to study anything he cares about;
3 So, procrastination ftw! Thanks to ogged for the timely reminder!


Posted by: Mossy Character | Link to this comment | 05- 4-16 8:34 PM
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47 gets it right. Telling the author to delete "the" in 60 places and add it in 60 other places is not the job of the reviewer for the journal, it's the job of the author's colleague who looks over the manuscript before it's submitted.

Seriously though the aggressive rise of adjunct professoring is a really big thing and it's not a good really big thing in the long run. (In the short term it's great for universities, I mean, but...)

I don't see how it's even a good thing for universities in the short run. Of course when things are "being run like a business" they have to do what businesses like to do and maximize employee turnover at all costs. But guess what! when your employees have no job security, they are spending as much time as possible looking for their next job. And since you can't force a professor to spend any time working except the time actually spent in the classroom and office hours, your professors who spend half their time driving from campus to campus and the other half preparing job applications are practically being forced to do a half-assed job.


Posted by: Cryptic ned | Link to this comment | 05- 4-16 8:41 PM
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61

But, in the short term, what is the consequence for the university of doing a half-assed job educating the students.


Posted by: Moby Hick | Link to this comment | 05- 4-16 8:44 PM
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62

Speaking of failure, does anyone running an internet news site actually have a copy editing staff? Every fucking article I read these days has at least a couple of typographical errors. OBVIOUS typographical errors. Meanwhile, inexpert pseudo-pedants are always complaining about "grammar" (by which apparently we now mean "punctuation" and "spelling") in cat memes.

Also, poor Douglas Rushkoff must be spinning in his grave at the proliferation of so-called "memes" these days.


Posted by: Natilo Paennim | Link to this comment | 05- 4-16 8:48 PM
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61: More punctuation errors in cat memes. Jesus, do I have to spell everything out?


Posted by: Natilo Paennim | Link to this comment | 05- 4-16 8:49 PM
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64

Speaking of failure, does anyone running an internet news site actually have a copy editing staff?

Yglesias's stuff did get noticeably better when he moved to Slate, but they seemed to only care about the spelling of the names of people and companies.


Posted by: teofilo | Link to this comment | 05- 4-16 8:50 PM
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65

I can't even imagine a world that's not about a lot of people sending back and forth picky nit-edits to written work.


Posted by: R Tigre | Link to this comment | 05- 4-16 8:51 PM
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66

Some sort-of-neighbors (within a mile radius or so of us), worried about traffic speed on their street, put up a bunch of those "Drive Like Your Kids Live Here" signs. This drove other neighbors crazy enough that they snuck out and corrected the signs (with paint?) to say "Drive AS IF Your Kids Live Here." My editor friend pointed out that indeed, that is still wrong, and they need to transform "live" to "lived."

Drive Like Your Kids Live Here And Practice Is In Three Minutes And Their Shoes Are Still Not On Do I Have To Start Counting


Posted by: lurid keyaki | Link to this comment | 05- 4-16 9:09 PM
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67

66 is like the most San Francisco thing ever.


Posted by: teofilo | Link to this comment | 05- 4-16 9:19 PM
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68

||

I have a bunch of Spanish voice recordings. Whats my best option for getting them auto-translated into something I can read?

Shit quality is fine, I just need to get the gist; I can't allow my colleagues to do the work to translate these on my behalf.

|>


Posted by: Spike | Link to this comment | 05- 4-16 9:21 PM
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69

I can't allow my colleagues to do the work to translate these on my behalf.

What are you, a spy?


Posted by: teofilo | Link to this comment | 05- 4-16 9:34 PM
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70

No, just trying not to give gringos a bad name.


Posted by: | Link to this comment | 05- 4-16 9:37 PM
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71

The gringos being your colleagues or yourself?


Posted by: teofilo | Link to this comment | 05- 4-16 9:39 PM
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66 is like the most San Francisco thing ever.

While walking down the street in Rockridge I paused to erase the extraneous apostrophe from a possessive "it's" on a chalked sign outside a shop, and a woman who passed as I was doing so thanked me with apparent sincerity.


Posted by: nosflow | Link to this comment | 05- 4-16 9:45 PM
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That would be me. I've had a week full of meetings where everyone else in the room is speaking Spanish, and being the guy other people have to translate for. I'm not thrilled about being that guy.


Posted by: | Link to this comment | 05- 4-16 9:45 PM
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74

If you want I can give you the name of a service that does this for lawyers. Not cheap though.


Posted by: R Tigre | Link to this comment | 05- 4-16 9:45 PM
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75

Naturally, I ran after her and arranged a date for this Saturdaylooked about me befuddledly.


Posted by: nosflow | Link to this comment | 05- 4-16 9:46 PM
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66: Correct modern form is "Drive like" and an animated gif representing the action.

Also, that's a Berkeley thing. SF is all about pedestrian danger.


Posted by: fake accent | Link to this comment | 05- 4-16 9:46 PM
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Also, that's a Berkeley thing. SF is all about pedestrian danger.

I wondered about that, but I hear SF is unusually car-oriented for a major city.


Posted by: teofilo | Link to this comment | 05- 4-16 9:49 PM
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If you want I can give you the name of a service that does this for lawyers. Not cheap though.

I can't afford lawyer money. I was thinking more along the lines of "dark secrets of Google translate power users."


Posted by: Spike | Link to this comment | 05- 4-16 9:54 PM
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79

Have you considered learning Spanish?


Posted by: teofilo | Link to this comment | 05- 4-16 9:56 PM
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80

I'd think being car oriented goes hand in hand with not putting up signs about pedestrian safety. Although I think things have improved since around 2000 when SF may have ranked highest in the US in pedestrian fatalities.

Berkeley has a lot of side streets where barriers and speed bumps discourage people from trying to sneak around the main roads.* Maybe lurid's neighbors feel left out.

*I've seen visitors whine about them, which might be a sign that they work. They're not meant to benefit people too impatient for the lights on Shattuck or MLK.


Posted by: fake accent | Link to this comment | 05- 4-16 9:56 PM
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81

I realize it may be a little late for that, but it might still be easier than using Google translate on voice recordings.


Posted by: teofilo | Link to this comment | 05- 4-16 9:57 PM
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82

And the fact that there is an expensive service for lawyers doing this strongly suggests that there isn't an easy, cheap alternative.


Posted by: teofilo | Link to this comment | 05- 4-16 9:59 PM
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83

You might be able to get grad students for cheap.


Posted by: Buttercup | Link to this comment | 05- 4-16 10:01 PM
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68: Google translate can take audio as input.


Posted by: X.Trapnel | Link to this comment | 05- 4-16 10:03 PM
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You just need to user one of those programs that reroutes audio, so that your output is being channeled directly into the input stream that Google translate is reading from. I did this once and it sort of worked.


Posted by: X.Trapnel | Link to this comment | 05- 4-16 10:05 PM
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Google translate can take audio as input.

From a microphone, it seems, but not a recording. Maybe I'll go look at what Bing translate can do....


Posted by: | Link to this comment | 05- 4-16 10:06 PM
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87

Don't do it and just put it on your CV of failures.


Posted by: fake accent | Link to this comment | 05- 4-16 10:08 PM
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88

Microsoft Translate for Business Free Trial sounds good...


Posted by: Spike | Link to this comment | 05- 4-16 10:08 PM
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89

Is there a Spanish speech to text program you could use to generate text to send to a translation program?


Posted by: fake accent | Link to this comment | 05- 4-16 10:13 PM
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Google translate can take audio as input.

Okay, but from a theoretical perspective this is a really difficult problem, much more difficult than translating text-to-text. I would be highly skeptical of the results.


Posted by: teofilo | Link to this comment | 05- 4-16 10:14 PM
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89 might offer a better solution if such a program exists.


Posted by: teofilo | Link to this comment | 05- 4-16 10:15 PM
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I think these neighbors (this story is secondhand, told by the editor) were impatiently waiting for speed bumps to be approved.

X.TRAPNEL! how are you??!


Posted by: lurid keyaki | Link to this comment | 05- 4-16 10:18 PM
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Honestly I would be really surprised if someone's figured out a way to automate speech-to-text accurately. RT's service in 74 is expensive because they have to rely on human translators.


Posted by: teofilo | Link to this comment | 05- 4-16 10:20 PM
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Google translates "il n'y a pas de hors-texte" as "no hay inserciĆ³n".


Posted by: fake accent | Link to this comment | 05- 4-16 10:20 PM
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95

Sphinx is supposed to do a good job, I've heard.


Posted by: fake accent | Link to this comment | 05- 4-16 10:21 PM
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96

That link took me to hear all the languages.


Posted by: fake accent | Link to this comment | 05- 4-16 10:23 PM
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97
Speech recognition will vary significantly due to the speed and accuracy level of the acoustic model used, so support for non-English acoustic models is very much on a best-effort basis moving forward.

That said, this sort of thing is probably Spike's best option, so here's hoping it works well enough.


Posted by: teofilo | Link to this comment | 05- 4-16 10:26 PM
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Speaking of pedestrian-unfriendly, I am for the first time in my life in Las Vegas. Good news: The mountains are beautiful.

Bad news: The streets are impossible to cross; they do not even have crosswalks.* I have literally never seen a road in a major American city that has no provision whatsoever for a human being to cross it in a normal way.** Not even in Dallas.

*I imagine this is really only the casino part of Las Vegas; I can't imagine it's actually like this in the rest of the city, but I haven't seen that yet.

**They have giant bridges with escalators leading up to them, which I suppose is supposed to make it safer than crossing the street. It adds 3x to the time and makes it nearly impossible to figure out how you can get somewhere that is 1/2 a block away but on the wrong side of the street.


Posted by: Witt | Link to this comment | 05- 4-16 10:26 PM
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98: Huh. Are you on the Strip? I remember there being lots and lots of people walking down the street, and crossing not being a major problem. It's been a while, though.


Posted by: teofilo | Link to this comment | 05- 4-16 10:29 PM
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nearly impossible to figure out how you can get somewhere that is 1/2 a block away but on the wrong side of the street

Easy! Drive.


Posted by: fake accent | Link to this comment | 05- 4-16 10:30 PM
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101

I've definitely seen bridges over streets in Anchorage, though, with regular stairs rather than escalators. I don't think I've ever used one.


Posted by: teofilo | Link to this comment | 05- 4-16 10:30 PM
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102

I already know the context so I can probably get by with crap quality translation.

You know, I am reminded that I've actually spent time fucking around with Sphinx before, but in a different context. I was trying to get it to transcribe English, but thick, West Indian accents were out of the question. Still, maybe worth a shot.


Posted by: Spike | Link to this comment | 05- 4-16 10:37 PM
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103

Alaska has bridges that go somewhere?


Posted by: fake accent | Link to this comment | 05- 4-16 10:43 PM
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104

Yeah, a few.


Posted by: teofilo | Link to this comment | 05- 4-16 10:44 PM
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Assuming you consider other locations within Alaska "somewhere," which wasn't always clear with the whole "Bridge to Nowhere" thing.


Posted by: teofilo | Link to this comment | 05- 4-16 10:45 PM
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Speaking of failure, I'm about to attend some godawful HR training for the horrible annual appraisal bullshit. I never even accepted the objectives I was given last winter out of a combination of studied contempt for the process, panic, and willful stupidity on my part that is the very recipe for failure.


Posted by: Barry Freed | Link to this comment | 05- 4-16 10:53 PM
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Speaking of failure, I'm about to attend some godawful HR training for the horrible annual appraisal bullshit. I never even accepted the objectives I was given last winter out of a combination of studied contempt for the process, panic, and willful stupidity on my part that is the very recipe for failure.


Posted by: Barry Freed | Link to this comment | 05- 4-16 10:53 PM
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Anecdotally, the output from Sphinx can be pretty cryptic.


Posted by: Mossy Character | Link to this comment | 05- 4-16 10:53 PM
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I have a feeling this training was an output of Sphinx.


Posted by: Barry Freed | Link to this comment | 05- 4-16 10:59 PM
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If it is, that "recipe for failure" line will become grimly ironic.


Posted by: Mossy Character | Link to this comment | 05- 4-16 11:03 PM
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It's called the Perf/orm/ance Ma/anag/ement Sy/stem and then uses the acronym.


Posted by: Barry Freed | Link to this comment | 05- 4-16 11:03 PM
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Sexist Arrakians.


Posted by: Mossy Character | Link to this comment | 05- 4-16 11:06 PM
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Dude giving the training has barely intelligible English.


Posted by: Barry Freed | Link to this comment | 05- 4-16 11:09 PM
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Bet his first instruction was "Please turn off cellphones."


Posted by: Mossy Character | Link to this comment | 05- 4-16 11:11 PM
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I want to vomit.


Posted by: Barry Freed | Link to this comment | 05- 4-16 11:15 PM
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Liveblog if you do.


Posted by: Mossy Character | Link to this comment | 05- 4-16 11:22 PM
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(The apparent lack of sympathy is really HR appraisal training)


Posted by: Mossy Character | Link to this comment | 05- 4-16 11:23 PM
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Hilarious. We've apparently gone from where 25% of employees in a division can exceed expectations (and this merit the highest level pay increase) to no more than 10%. This comes from on high where the really know how to motivate their workers.


Posted by: Barry Freed | Link to this comment | 05- 4-16 11:36 PM
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This s/b thus


Posted by: Barry Freed | Link to this comment | 05- 4-16 11:37 PM
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And the s/b they


Posted by: Barry Freed | Link to this comment | 05- 4-16 11:38 PM
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This is such degrading bullshit.


Posted by: Barry Freed | Link to this comment | 05- 4-16 11:42 PM
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What really matters is what you expect of yourself, Barry.


Posted by: Mossy Character | Link to this comment | 05- 4-16 11:42 PM
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I have an appraisal tomorrow, but they're pretty reasonable here.


Posted by: Mossy Character | Link to this comment | 05- 4-16 11:44 PM
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Bob's right, burn it all down.


Posted by: Barry Freed | Link to this comment | 05- 4-16 11:46 PM
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You'd think they'd be able to create a performance appraisal process that doesn't fill one with rage.


Posted by: Barry Freed | Link to this comment | 05- 4-16 11:48 PM
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126

Petroleum products are ready to hand.


Posted by: Mossy Character | Link to this comment | 05- 4-16 11:49 PM
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125 is bs though. Even in call-centre hell the appraisals were reasonable on their own terms, even though the business as a whole was utter shit.


Posted by: Mossy Character | Link to this comment | 05- 5-16 12:00 AM
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I'm boggling at the 25% to 10% thing. That is so demotivating alone in addition to all the rest of the BS.


Posted by: Barry Freed | Link to this comment | 05- 5-16 12:04 AM
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Publishing the curve you grade on is a pretty elemental failure.


Posted by: Mossy Character | Link to this comment | 05- 5-16 12:08 AM
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Obviously the library industry needs an injection if more business-oriented management talent.


Posted by: Mossy Character | Link to this comment | 05- 5-16 12:09 AM
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As part of the Galactic Empire we come under a larger institution that does this to us.


Posted by: Barry Freed | Link to this comment | 05- 5-16 12:30 AM
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As part of the Galactic Empire we come under a larger institution that does this to us.


Posted by: Barry Freed | Link to this comment | 05- 5-16 12:30 AM
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CHOAM audits are the worst.


Posted by: Mossy Character | Link to this comment | 05- 5-16 12:35 AM
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I just got shot down for a grant that I thought nearly guaranteed to succeed. The reviews were brutal, too. Everyone agreed that the instrument I proposed to develop would be useful and could be made to work with the resources available, but they all somehow managed to damn it with faint praise. Fortunately I'm not dependent on that grant for my salary, but I'm still annoyed and disappointed. It would have been a hell of an instrument, and fun to develop.


Posted by: togolosh | Link to this comment | 05- 5-16 5:53 AM
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If it's that instrument with the glass bowls, Ben Franklin already invented it.


Posted by: Moby Hick | Link to this comment | 05- 5-16 5:54 AM
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More seriously, if it is like this field, you might just need to send it in again after some small revision. The reviewers might have something they like just as well that has already been submitted before and they know it can't come back again so they mark you down because they figure you can wait for the new round without damage. Especially if they know you have other funding and the other person does not.


Posted by: Moby Hick | Link to this comment | 05- 5-16 5:59 AM
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Telling the author to delete "the" in 60 places and add it in 60 other places is not the job of the reviewer for the journal, it's the job of the author's colleague who looks over the manuscript before it's submitted.

But all of these (that I'm complaining about) are not violations of any strict grammar rule. They're slight improvements to the musicality of the prose, at best.


Posted by: President Irritated | Link to this comment | 05- 5-16 6:18 AM
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136: I'll update, revise, and resubmit at the next call for proposals, but that's not for a while.


Posted by: togolosh | Link to this comment | 05- 5-16 6:18 AM
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Best of luck.


Posted by: Moby Hick | Link to this comment | 05- 5-16 6:20 AM
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We've apparently gone from where 25% of employees in a division can exceed expectations (and this merit the highest level pay increase) to no more than 10%.

Beatings will continue until morale improves.


Posted by: heebie-geebie | Link to this comment | 05- 5-16 6:23 AM
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That was on the sign at a suspicious-looking massage parlor.


Posted by: Moby Hick | Link to this comment | 05- 5-16 6:24 AM
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Sucks, togolosh. What's your field, if I may ask?


Posted by: Mossy Character | Link to this comment | 05- 5-16 6:32 AM
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142: Plasma physics. I do diagnostics for a small fusion experiment.


Posted by: togolosh | Link to this comment | 05- 5-16 6:36 AM
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My maintenance guy can put on his CV failure to fix my A.C.. At least I'm going away for the weekend tomorrow morning.


Posted by: Barry Freed | Link to this comment | 05- 5-16 6:38 AM
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If academic grants don't work, you can probably find a super villain who needs somebody in that area.


Posted by: Moby Hick | Link to this comment | 05- 5-16 6:38 AM
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143 is awesome. The introduction of a bashful love interest on Star Trek.


Posted by: Mossy Character | Link to this comment | 05- 5-16 6:42 AM
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65 The best worst thing about solo practice is not having someone correct typos.


Posted by: CharleyCarp | Link to this comment | 05- 5-16 6:43 AM
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Oh, it's just me, myself and I.
Solo write until I die.


Posted by: Moby Hick | Link to this comment | 05- 5-16 6:46 AM
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143 could only be made more awesome if it can diagnose what's the matter with my AC unit.


Posted by: Barry Freed | Link to this comment | 05- 5-16 6:48 AM
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I'm sure you can access the Jefferies tube yourself.


Posted by: Mossy Character | Link to this comment | 05- 5-16 6:53 AM
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149: If we're having a contest, my guess is that the condenser is frozen.


Posted by: Moby Hick | Link to this comment | 05- 5-16 6:54 AM
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150 I left my tricorder at work.


Posted by: Barry Freed | Link to this comment | 05- 5-16 6:58 AM
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Have you tried percussive maintenance?


Posted by: nattarGcM ttaM | Link to this comment | 05- 5-16 6:58 AM
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Also, planned power-interruption maintenance?

[i.e. bashing it, then turning it off and and on again]


Posted by: nattarGcM ttaM | Link to this comment | 05- 5-16 6:59 AM
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151 can that happen when it's 100 degrees out?


Posted by: Barry Freed | Link to this comment | 05- 5-16 6:59 AM
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153: I fixed my Kindle that way. I was very surprised it worked.


Posted by: Moby Hick | Link to this comment | 05- 5-16 7:00 AM
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And that's why you'll never have a fusion experiment of your own, Barry. No discipline.


Posted by: Mossy Character | Link to this comment | 05- 5-16 7:00 AM
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155: Easily, if it is humid.


Posted by: Moby Hick | Link to this comment | 05- 5-16 7:00 AM
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And that's why you'll never have a fusion experiment of your own, Barry. No discipline.


Posted by: Mossy Character | Link to this comment | 05- 5-16 7:00 AM
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154 I would need a ladder to get up in the drop ceiling in the kitchen to reach it.


Posted by: Barry Freed | Link to this comment | 05- 5-16 7:01 AM
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Just pile up books.


Posted by: Moby Hick | Link to this comment | 05- 5-16 7:05 AM
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||
I came home spitting mad, and am now happy again. Reprobates are the best.
|>


Posted by: Mossy Character | Link to this comment | 05- 5-16 7:05 AM
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||
I came home spitting mad, and am now happy again. Reprobates are the best.
|>


Posted by: Mossy Character | Link to this comment | 05- 5-16 7:06 AM
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I came home spitting mad...

Please introduce yourself at the next HR employee appraisal training.


Posted by: Barry Freed | Link to this comment | 05- 5-16 7:12 AM
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164: Will you be ok with the appraisal itself, bullshit aside?


Posted by: Mossy Character | Link to this comment | 05- 5-16 7:17 AM
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If you turned it off and left it, presumably the ice would melt off and the AC unit would become functional again?


Posted by: ajay | Link to this comment | 05- 5-16 7:17 AM
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To the OP, all the lawyers should list all the cases they've lost (including cases settled disappointingly after losing a ruling).


Posted by: CharleyCarp | Link to this comment | 05- 5-16 7:34 AM
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My mom used to tease my dad about how he didn't get all his clients off the way Perry Mason did. My dad used to respond that if all his clients were innocent, he'd have as good of a record as Perry.


Posted by: Moby Hick | Link to this comment | 05- 5-16 7:35 AM
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Obviously the library industry needs an injection if more business-oriented management talent.

The ALA is on it.


Posted by: fake accent | Link to this comment | 05- 5-16 7:37 AM
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Thanks to robber baroning, the public library by my office is just a beautiful space. I do sometimes go there just to read even if I'm carrying in what I will be reading.


Posted by: Moby Hick | Link to this comment | 05- 5-16 7:40 AM
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162 is definitely true. I've benefited from that often, and will probably need to in the near future.


Posted by: Thorn | Link to this comment | 05- 5-16 7:47 AM
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Thanks to social democracy and the Qin dynasty, I'm surrounded by great public libraries full of books I can't even attempt to read.


Posted by: Mossy Character | Link to this comment | 05- 5-16 7:47 AM
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Why do you hate fast casual reading options, Moby? Did someone not offer to refill your Kindle?


Posted by: fake accent | Link to this comment | 05- 5-16 7:48 AM
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Sometimes I just like to read while sitting near expensive woodwork and old stone construction.


Posted by: Moby Hick | Link to this comment | 05- 5-16 7:49 AM
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If the condenser froze it's probably because the filter is clogged so there's poor airflow so it ices up.


Posted by: SP | Link to this comment | 05- 5-16 8:11 AM
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Like me, Barry chose the Mindless Violence elective over the AC Repair elective in getting his MLS. Right now he may be regretting that, but in the long run mindless violence is always the right choice.


Posted by: peep | Link to this comment | 05- 5-16 8:17 AM
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This election is turning us all into bob.


Posted by: Mossy Character | Link to this comment | 05- 5-16 8:21 AM
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We've always all been bob, it's just the veils of illusion are falling.


Posted by: peep | Link to this comment | 05- 5-16 8:36 AM
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165 I hope so. I'm pretty good at much of my job, and even outstanding in a few areas (I scored a few major coups for my section). But I totally suck at this kind of bureaucratic bullshit. And I find it enraging.

175 makes sense. When the maintenance guy got here yesterday and pulled the filters they were completely clogged. They hadn't been changed since sometime before I arrived here about a year ago, also, sandstorms.


Posted by: Barry Freed | Link to this comment | 05- 5-16 8:43 AM
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180

I turned the unit off and the maintenance guy is coming in a half hour (only 3 hours after I called when I got home).


Posted by: Barry Freed | Link to this comment | 05- 5-16 8:45 AM
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That seems to have done the trick, though the guy is coming back to refill it with coolant.


Posted by: Barry Freed | Link to this comment | 05- 5-16 9:19 AM
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181: Yay!


Posted by: Mooseking | Link to this comment | 05- 5-16 9:23 AM
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On this final exam, one of the questions is phrased, "Which of the following do not satisfy....? Justify your answers."

The student crossed out "do" and wrote "does". Then their answer is "A, B, and C all don't make sense, but since I have to pick one, I guess I'll go with B?"


Posted by: heebie-geebie | Link to this comment | 05- 5-16 9:32 AM
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Was she right? Mostly about the options not making sense, but also her guess.


Posted by: chris y | Link to this comment | 05- 5-16 9:40 AM
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183: I tried A, I tried B, tried C, but I can't get no....


Posted by: Mick Jagger | Link to this comment | 05- 5-16 10:01 AM
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I think that story may have enough educational value to be told to future students.


Posted by: lurid keyaki | Link to this comment | 05- 5-16 10:07 AM
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I have a brother and sister who were home schooled. One got a master's and is a bureaucrat in DC, one got an associate's and is an analytical chemist. My sister married a man who was "home schooled" -- his parents kept him home to drive a tractor and gave him zero instruction. That's not good.

Home school parents often don't have career goals for their kids, so only if you end up wanting to be a top PhD will you feel any lack.


Posted by: Noumenon72 | Link to this comment | 05- 5-16 10:33 AM
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At Hawaii's cinco de mayo recital, one of the performances is Gloria Estefan's conga.


Posted by: heebie-geebie | Link to this comment | 05- 5-16 11:49 AM
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188: Even Texans can't distinguish between Mexico and Cuba?


Posted by: peep | Link to this comment | 05- 5-16 11:53 AM
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Hawaiis group recited some poetry and danced to La Bamba.


Posted by: heebie-geebie | Link to this comment | 05- 5-16 12:03 PM
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190: Much better!


Posted by: peep | Link to this comment | 05- 5-16 12:14 PM
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183: Am I correct in inferring that the answer to the question is "A, B and C?"


Posted by: politicalfootball | Link to this comment | 05- 5-16 12:26 PM
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Yep. They were correct, just confused.


Posted by: heebie-geebie | Link to this comment | 05- 5-16 1:23 PM
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194

OUTREACH!


Posted by: MHPH | Link to this comment | 05- 5-16 2:18 PM
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195

This thread was pretty fun, thanks.


Posted by: roger the cabin boy | Link to this comment | 05- 6-16 5:11 AM
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194: as so many others have commented, just wait until June 19th.


Posted by: ajay | Link to this comment | 05- 6-16 5:32 AM
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197

Father's Day?


Posted by: Moby Hick | Link to this comment | 05- 6-16 5:38 AM
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197: oh, ugh, that too.


Posted by: ajay | Link to this comment | 05- 6-16 6:05 AM
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Getting a gift-wrapped shirt and tie in the mail with no name signed to the card. So awkward.


Posted by: Moby Hick | Link to this comment | 05- 6-16 6:07 AM
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179: Are you good enough at the actual work to feed a remora who just does the politicking? And are you good enough at the politicking not to get pithed by the remora?


Posted by: clew | Link to this comment | 05- 6-16 4:47 PM
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201

I'm not an ichthyologist, but do remoras pith other fish?


Posted by: Moby Hick | Link to this comment | 05- 6-16 5:59 PM
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