I wonder if anybody ever marketed a punch-card fax machine? Certainly, it could have been done with per-internet technology. Probably possible even prior to the advent of the widespread marketing of regular fax machines by adapting a teletype-format.
Coo coo ca choo, Mrs. Robinson.
Geocities loves you more than could know.
It's a kind of delightful diversion right? I actually liked okc/tinder dating and had reasonable luck re actual meeting of people with both (as I'd guess you will too, eventually) and STILL I'd say 95% of the value the process added to my life was through email chains with friends in which we viciously tore into profiles/messages and congratulated ourselves on clever responses. Which responses were likely at that moment being eviscerated on parallel email threads by the recipient and his brahs.
"Mrs. Robinson, you're trying to seduce me."
"You won't know for sure until the bottom 3/4th of the picture loads."
Also BLESS that adorable, gutsy 19 year old.
5% of the value the process added to my life was through email chains with friends
I regularly torment fellow commenters here with copy-pasted bits, considered by me particularly baffling, of profiles I encounter, but I'm not sure that's added much value to my life. Or to theirs.
I've gotten zero messages from legit local people since reopening my profile. I'll probably give myself moving as an excuse for not making the first move until I don have that excuse anymore.
That you're getting messaged by 19-year-olds makes me worry some of the older or younger people whose profiled I've viewed will think it's wildly inappropriate of me to do so. Oh well.
2: there were certainly teletypes that accepted and produced punched tape.
Well in any case I know *"muons aren't massless" HARD BLOCK* enriched my life this week.
It could hardly be a "hard block" if they were massless.
Conversation continues:
Impertinent child: So you're a Costello fan. Did you have to mail in to skip tracks then too?
Me: No, no. You'd just make a phone call to a club where they were playing, and ask the bartender to hold up the handset so you could hear.
So far being on Tinder has alerted me to a denim tailor in SF and a woman who makes leather bags in Oakland (because of their linked instagrams), so that's good.
I love this teen and realize 19 is both not appealing and not ok but you have to keep him around somehow; do you need like a petsitter? Or maybe Sally would be super into her mom's OKC castoffs.
I've been thinking it's a bit early in the process to be dating again, LB, but FWIW if you were to tap that ass it'd probably be a total blast plus you'd get an interesting story out of it. The mineshaft would love to hear about your adventure in cougar land.
I just tried to cancel my date with the person who is anti-pot and monogamous. She came back with a response indicating flexibility on both points, so we are back on. I'm excited because she seems really cool. She's a nurse (a profession I greatly admire) and generally cool across the board. Probably nothing will come of it, but I'm not going to pass up the possibility of a good thing just because of a minor hiccup.
Also, isn't 19 a little old for Sally? Like, in the "technically illegal" sense?
I've been thinking it's a bit early in the process to be dating again, LB,
For the record, eff that. If you want to date, go for it.
Tangent, would saffron-peach jam be tasty? How far down the line of saffron-vanilla-ginger-peach can one go before it becomes overwhelming/a muddle/ill advised?
She's got a perfectly good boyfriend of her own, acquired through conventional methods.
But certainly, this kid is one of the brighter spots in the online dating experience so far, along with the guy who photoshopped himself riding his cat.
18: Well, I wouldn't call myself emotionally stable or healthy or anything, but I'm not looking for any kind of serious relationship, I'm looking for people to get out of the house and do something entertaining with. I figure I can probably manage that at my current level of batshittery.
Also, while OKCupid is cracking me up, I'm also not, you know, expecting it to work, which takes a lot of the pressure off.
along with the guy who photoshopped himself riding his cat.
Uh, isn't that guy spoken for?
And yes, 19 is extraordinarily too young, and I do hope this kid is fooling around rather than actually trying to date fortysomethings.
24: The picture you saw was derivative artwork, inspired by the OkCupid profile.
Are you sure it wasn't Bob McManus posing as a nineteen year old boy?
Canonically, it wouldn't be bob, it'd be his dog, right?
Tangent, would saffron-peach jam be tasty? How far down the line of saffron-vanilla-ginger-peach can one go before it becomes overwhelming/a muddle/ill advised?
Echoing 20 here that while it's definitely not too early to start dating it's probably a bit too early to be discussing cunnilingus techniques on the blog.
Echoing 20 here that while it's definitely not too early to start dating it's probably a bit too early to be discussing cunnilingus techniques on the blog.
I know there's a term for ginger-root butt plugs but is there one for the ginger applied to the cooter as well?
I know there's a term for ginger-root butt plugs
Now there is a thing I did not know. It sounds bracing.
"Figging", apparently (and arguably deceptively!), and apparently it applies to either orifice. Now you know!
I wonder if the boyf would be open to me creating an okcupid profile purely as a creative outlet. (We met in real life, and to this day I am a little frustrated that he never saw the genius that was my profile.) I'm getting bored with needlepoint.
32 "For figging of horses, see gingering" wt actual f.
I thought "figging" was something else. Isn't it in Joyce? Or am I misremembering?
35: I guess maybe it makes them run?
I feel like I should have input on the jam, but I don't really like saffron much in anything, so I'm a bad person to ask.
33 I dare you to put "figging" as a kink. Or better yet a hobby. Call yourself "The Figgstress"
Please sleep with this kid. NY morals!
I've definitely heard of that as a thing people used to do with racing horses to, I guess, make them a bit more spirited whether it's for a race or to convince someone that the horse is younger or less weak than it actually is when selling it.
It sounds familiar, like the kind of thing I'd read about many years ago and repressed.
I feel like I should have input on the jam
Oh my.
A friend my age reports that her OKC responses contained a lot of early-20s dudes who have a serious interest in the cougar angle. Was not expecting!
Wikipedia on the practice:
Historically the process, the purpose of which was often to make an older horse behave like one that was younger, or to temporarily liven up a sick or weakened animal, was known as feaguing (from which the modern term figging derives), and involved a piece of ginger, onion, pepper, tobacco, or a live eel.
I don't see what a dead eel would accomplish.
47: An electric eel would be particularly effective at getting the horse's attention.
Wait, didn't Stanley have a story about his vet girlfriend treating horse colic by anally inserting an onion? I can't have made that up, can I?
but I don't really like saffron much in anything,
Over between you and ogged before anything started, I guess.
And I have now shooed off the 19-year-old. But I did get the chance to warn him off going to law school before I got rid of him, so that's my good deed for the day done.
This is all bringing back flashbacks of when Stanley's friend just wanted LB to scold him and she refused.
LB should have dated the 19 yr old for Unfogged.
My commitment to amusing the blog is weak.
I'd date 19 one-year-olds for Unfogged.
I actually don't think I have ever dated a 19 year old. But apparently it's not too late!
The trouble with a nineteen year old is that it eventually becomes an overworked world weary middle-aged person.
Having been there done that with an 18 year old, I'd highly recommend it, if mostly for the entertainment/story value.
Also, think of the vast embarrassment possibilities if your children find out their mother is having a fling with a teenager.
Probably more embarrassing than a fling with one her kid's teachers and less than having a fling with two of them.
Okay, so far we've got "amusement" and "embarrassment" as reasons to date teenagers. Anything else?
Am now noticing all my chats with strangers, extra amusement from same amount of human interaction. Was chatted up this morning by very nice dude while in line to purchase coffee beans, he opened by asking if he had cut in front of me (he hadn't by any stretch of the imagination), was nicely done.
And hey people in London go to the July 10 Tine Helseth concert at the Wigmore Hall it will be super!
68: Procreation, after finding yourself and a bus of cheerleaders as the only survivors of the human race.
19 year olds never even knew a world before 1997.
70: I think procreation is possible under other circumstances as well.
68: They know where to get drugs.
A chance to be really persuasive about convincing them not to go to law school?
Maybe become friends with their parents?
Because middle-aged friends are so hard to come by?
71 is both trite and scary. LB could be dating a guy born after I was old enough to have dropped out of graduate school once and gotten a professional job where I had to wear a necktie.
The quest for friends who are not in your age cohort is never-ending and usually fruitless. Almost all my non-same-age-cohort friends are "work friends." I don't want to be limited to those of my age, who are mostly annoying old farts. (I can find that by looking in my bathroom mirror.)
"It's not you. It's my age. I'm too old to date somebody with a resemblance to Gary Busey."
77: I was thinking of it more as "Born when I was already engaged to Buck."
Wait a few more years and you'll be able to date people younger than Unfogged.
I think you should at least tell the teen the early internet blog was pulling for him.
I started a PBS documentary about Ancient Greece and Neil Degrasse Tyson is on it offering the observation "did they last forever? No."
Is Tyson now just their go-to guy for every subject, or what?
Except pigeons and ear biting are the other Tyson.
Here's a link to the details re: the concert: https://wigmore-hall.org.uk/whats-on/honegger-higdon-martinu-and-more-201607101930
If you are "under 35" tickets only £5 so presumably LB's date would be paid by the management to attend.
Just like the dead guy in Have His Carcase.
If anyone is bored of trolling teens on okcupid and looking for middlebrow docs about Ancient Greece, avoid this. I do recommend Michael Wood's 1985 "In Search of the Trojan War," which is in significant part Michael Woods shirtless, in bed, pretending to read to you from books about the Trojan war.
85: He's the Giorgio Tsoukalos of stuff that isn't made up.
84: I mean, sure there's still Greeks around, but not ancient Greeks.
Explaining the Bart map to my fellow cyclist on the train. Help me, advanced flirters: do I ask if the red marks on her forearms and thigh are port wine stains, or rashes?
They might be any type of red wine, but those should all come off.
Scrubbing out wine requires some firmness.
Oxygen-based bleach works like magic on wine.
"Excuse me, ma'am, may I bleach your arms for you?"
Flirtier words were never spoken.
There's probably a Michael Jackson joke in this somewhere, but I'm too tired to make the links.
Azaealia Banks would be more topical, probably, but maybe less creepy. Maybe.
Someone should make a "Neil DeGrasse Tyson's Punch Out" version of the old video game. Like you punch out various other science guys (Glass Joe or Bald Bull equivalents) until you reach the top level where you can punch out Neil DeGrasse Tyson.
Include Richard Dawkins and you've got a best-seller right there.
I think I already invented basically that and game and it's just pelting my tv with ripped off bits of tortilla whenever he pops up in incongrous documentaries. The kids like the game too, but after a bit we gave it a rest and watched Watership Down, whoops.
Has anyone ever seen Bill Nye the Science Guy and Glass Joe in the same room together?
93: I consider myself schooled!
104: Which scienceman has the honor of being Vodka Drunkenski?
Oxygen-based bleach
Until this very moment I had assumed that "bleach" was a single thing, like ammonia, and not several things of different kinds.
Clearly, LB, I have much to learn about chemistry from you. Might you be available for tutorials?
109: Or perhaps I mean several things of the same kind?
111: Let's take a duck-typing approach where within the realm of interest 111 holds but in different contexts not of interest 109 holds.
67: At the same time?
68 and similar: Shorter refractory period.
Let the record show that I refrained from making a joke along the lines of 113.1 at the time.
To 113.2, I'm led to believe that that doesn't necessarily make up for the disadvantages of inexperience.
These are the comforting lies we older fellows tell ourselves.
Oh boy. Just came across someone on Bumble whose first bit of description was "sapiosexual", second was her height*, fourth was a request for guys to disclose height. All the boxes ticked!
Hey Nineteen
No we can't blog together
No we can't talk at all
*5'8", which I didn't think was noteworthy but on a quick search does appear to be 93rd percentile.
Oh boy. Just came across someone on Bumble whose first bit of description was "sapiosexual", second was her height*, fourth was a request for guys to disclose height. All the boxes ticked!
Jacqueline Parker Posey Paisley is on the market again!
After some trial and error, reducing the search radius on Bumble to exclude SF seems to have done the most to cut down on generic blondes in sales whose description contains "live and love life".
I'm a little befuddled by the hating on "sapiosexual." I have yet to meet anyone who takes it seriously other than as a handy shorthand with a little humor behind it. The only people I've seen refer to it as an genuine orientation are in the comments here. Maybe I'm lucky or maybe y'all need to relax a little bit.
122 if self described sapiosexuals take the term seriously they're terrible people for reasons others have laid out but if they're using it as a "handy shorthand with a little humor behind it," they're not funny and ergo also terrible people.
Apparently all it takes to bring out the zealous commenter in me is online dating threads.
"Handy shorthand" for what? I'll certainly agree that it's a "handy shorthand for asshole, with a little humor behind it."
There's a little humor coming out of every asshole.
re: 89
I remember watching that at the time, and my Mum had a definite thing for Woods.
It's all on youtube. If I were making an okc profile right now "Michael Wood's In Search of the Trojan War episodes 1 through 6 would be my response to "6 things I could never live without." And probably several other questions.
It should be noted that this recommendation is for entertainment purposes only; there been archeological developments since it was made. If someone asks you for the precise boundaries of Troy VIh, consult your doctor.
I thought 130 was about Stabby's hypothetical okc profile at first.
Could be.
When I was on it for real for a while my self summary was "I steal men's shirts," and all my answers were some variation of "stealing shirts," except for favorite books. There, I could never decide whether "The Shirt, by Anatole France" or "The Great Gatsby" was a better answer so I switched it up.
I have a great Deep Springs sweatshirt that belonged to the roommate of a mediocre date.
I mean, it was given to me with the understanding that I'd return it on the next date which mysteeeeeriously never happened.
Well he learned his lesson about having roommates who sweat too much when making out.
Yeah, ClytStab, it is obviously incumbent on you to find the roommate and return the sweatshirt, if you wish your spirit to be freed.
ClytStab
I think you're doing it wrong.
UPDATE: I made saffron & vanilla peach jam. It is good.
I have some leftover saffron-infused water (and all the stamina because I didn't want to risk their over-flavoring the jam in the jar). Should I make … SAFFRON MASHED POTATOES???
So not saying this is what happened but what if for example say I literally just realized I donated it to goodwill in a recent purge.
That would just mean he now has a chance to get it back.
Oh well guess I'll just trudge ahead with my heart ever-flintier and account for myself only on the day of judgment, as was the plan. I would eat saffron mashed potatoes.
139: Sure, but use the real potatoes, not the instant flakes.
I would eat saffron mashed potatoes.
Great, come on over.
I saw that, friend. And you say you're not a flirt.
It's not the flirtatiousness, it's the discretion.
Saffron mashed potatoes are pretty good!
Where is the Venn diagram relating "sapiosexuals," "assholes," and "Mensa members"?
the Venn diagram relating "sapiosexuals," "assholes," and "Mensa members"
Is composed of concentric circles.
My ONE WISH for the Euros was that Portugal wouldn't win.
On the plus side: At least Ronaldo didn't get the goal. And I'm currently in France, so I should at least get a good night's sleep.
Ah. There are Portugese people in this French town (I think because it's next to Switzerland). And they have both car horns and air horns.
Hopefully they will all be arrested soon
Theyre drumming and singing and really going for it with the car horns. Do they all live next to this particular hotel or something? Starting to believe that this is some kind of Portugese exclave.
Where are the French riot police in their country's hour of need?
Update: firecrackers; whistles
The Front National probably has something in their platform about keeping out the Portuguese.
Supposedly Paris has the 2nd most Portuguese of any European city, so you may be in for a loud night indeed.
Oh, I missed the 'right next to Switzerland part.' Oops.
152
Do I have to read ALL the comments?
If you want to keep the fellowship, anyway.
I should note that I don't care very much about football, and also that I really like Portugal as a place that's full of great people and food and surfing and sane drug policy. I just have an enormous dislike for Ronaldo. And Pepe. And pantomime villain Mourinho, even though he wasn't directly involved tonight. But Portugese people should of course be allowed to celebrate - wherever they are in the world - and the people outside my window have now stopped, and I hope that they've gone to bed justifiably happy.*
* I.e. I retract my earlier and uncharitable thoughts about watercannon.
To keep the blog fed, I'm keeping up conversation with a woman 10 years my junior who messaged me last night. Her child is the same age as Nia, so I'm sort of willing to believe she's mature for her age rather than fetishistically into mature women.
I live in a neighbourhood that, I am told, has a bunch of Portuguese in it. I does sound pretty noisy out there for midnight on a Sunday, I must say, so I will consider that corroborating evidence.
10 years is nothing; if you're trying to make blogfood you'll need to aggressively steer the conversations into story-generating disaster territory.
Or you could just do whateve is best for you and your needs I guess.
I have kind of a hard floor because I still have quasi-parental relationships with Colton and Rowan, who both turn 22 this year, so 25 (she's actually possibly more than a decade, if that helps!) seems ludicrously young.
I agree. Unless you're 24, ten years is nothing.
I mean I've had quasi-parental relationships with people I actually dated, can't let that stop you.
Boyf just asked me what I was doing and I said "writing blog comments about online dating" and he said woah woah woah you never told me you were a commenter.
PEIA,
That was my one wish too. But Portugal has never won a major tournament and their goal was a good one, so I guess I'm ok with it. And Ronaldo is a ridiculous (re-dick-ulous?) asshole, but he's also as talented as he thinks he is, which is impressive. So I've also decided to be ok with it.
For dating, if it's half your age plus seven, it's completely fine.
Dunno why I wrote the same sentence twice in a row. I guess I really am ok with it.
Once a musician my dad's age (late 60s, I must have been 28?) extended a (friendly, I thought, but nope) invitation to one of his shows and I brought my actual dad. THAT is a good strategy for getting out of a bad date quickly.
Better half materially more than 10 years older than me, working out great. Never did that 7 plus half or whatever, also deliberately never calculated whether closer to stepson's age or better half's - bad arithmetic skills have paid off handsomely!
Lee is, um, 17.5 years older than I am. Current girlfriend is 30 but I felt a lifetime older. She's also independently spent time in introspection and decided she's not treating me as well as I deserve and should change that. I guess if that materialized it could make a difference. Mostly I'm cursing myself for not pulling the plug before she offered to bring over dinner for the kids, etc.
151,153: I'm going on regular dates with interesting and hot women who have the word in their profiles with a smile and a wink. You guys are missing so much in your quest to be whatever the fuck you're aiming for. I get that it's performance but it's performing "people who need to get the fuck over themselves" and it's stupid.
We're on a quest to be the very best us we can be.
FWIW I'm just performing impatient, dismissive bitch.
It's the role of a lifetime.
180: I'm not going on regular dates etc. but for me (and maybe but probably not the guys in the conversation) often trying to puzzle out what sort of bisexual/queer a woman might be, and sapiosexual doesn't make me feel as sure that there would be interest in my body even if I make the brain cut. If that's stupid, it's not particularly high up the list of stupid romantic-sexual decisions I'm making.
for me (and maybe but probably not the guys in the conversation) often trying to puzzle out what sort of bisexual/queer a woman might be, and sapiosexual doesn't make me feel as sure that there would be interest in my body even if I make the brain cut
Hm. This may well be different in queer circles, but for straight people it seems to generally be used to signify interest in someone's brain as well as their body, as opposed to the default assumption of just the body.
Also someone with better Latin than me can step in but isn't "sapiens" wise with the connotation of like, prudent or methodical? And not necessarily clever or profound? I'd cut them all a lot more slack if we were talking about sexual attraction to like, judicious reasoning.
Really I just think people who think they are clever are often wrong (self included) and people who make a show of valuing cleverness often have a very narrow (and self-defeating) vision of what cleverness is. It is a venal and not a mortal sin but I will poke fun at it until I die.
Sapiosexual makes me think the person wouldn't understand what's so great about pop music.
I'm sure much of the time it's code for "looking for someone with more than just a pulse." I don't think I'm as bothered by it as others are, but not to the point where I'm sapiosexualsexual or anything.
Dorothea thought she was a sapiosexual when she married Causabon. That's it. That's what's wrong.
Hm. This may well be different in queer circles, but for straight people it seems to generally be used to signify interest in someone's brain as well as their body, as opposed to the default assumption of just the body.
Everything is different in queer circles. I've seen more than one person on Facebook expressing outrage that a heterosexual person interested in them on a dating site was asking for clarification on what they meant by having "queer" or "nonbinary" in place of a gender. WTF, are they seriously asking me about my genitalia? Well, yes, "heterosexual" does imply some sort of preference in that area.
189: I'm using that. With your kind permission, of course.
Granted without reservation, but using it where? Are you in other fights about this?
Well, I guess I'm just holding it reserve for now. But I was conversing with a woman on Okc who invited correspondents to ask her why she dislikes the term.
I don't think I'm as bothered by it as others are, but not to the point where I'm sapiosexualsexual or anything.
I identify more as sexualsexualsexual, myself. Laydeez.
Sapiosexual makes me think the person would be good at tests but might not have what has been termed on this blog "mental whateverness."
Didn't I, didn't I, didn't I see you crying?
I want you to want me to want you to want me.
It's yours. But be careful, it's *withering*.
Sapiosexual makes me think the person would be good at tests but might not have what has been termed on this blog "mental whateverness."
I dunno, I think people often use it to indicate their desire for the same thing we've called "mental whateverness," whatever it is. Which is not to say that they would necessarily exhibit it themselves.
Mental whateverness has always been a bit of a rorschach test.
In the sense that it's made out of ink?
You can exhibit it with a curator and maybe win a Turner Prize.
191: "Queer" in place of gender would surprise me, but I suppose it's probably for genderqueer now that I think for half a second.
Around here, very few women self-designate as lesbian/gay on dating sites, which doesn't really bother me because I'm on as "queer" myself. But I don't think it's weird that I'm trying to differentiate between the bisexual woman whose profile I just read who describes herself as boy-crazy and newly polyamorous five or six times and never mentions women at all; someone bisexual/queer who's never had a girlfriend but would like to (which is mostly a "run away, run away!" sign for me, except there's one profile where there seem to be extenuating circumstances that make me feel maybe more flexible); someone queer where that has more to do with dating transpeople in hetero situations; and someone bisexual/queer who whatever might actually be interested in me. Most people are pretty clear if you read carefully enough, but that takes time and work and of course I feel pretty blah about it all.
The boycrazy polyamorous SAHM is thinking about law school, but that didn't seem urgent enough for me to send a message in hopes of carrying on LB's good works.
We all have needs, but I feel like the boycrazy polyamorous SAHM lesbian should probably decide which ones to prioritize.
She's not a lesbian; just bisexual with no apparent interest in women. I'm not going to look back but pretty sure she didn't show any indications of being into figging either, though I don't think I've seen a question where it comes up explicitly and you have to kind of read between other lines. (I'm deliberately not making a "slips through the cracks" joke here and putting this in to discourage others from doing so, Moby.)
210: Moby was already discouraged by the whole Euro thing.
210 - what I meant was that the law is a demanding yet noble profession, so that if she wishes to go to law school she will need to prioritize it.
Ah, so "sapiosexual" means "attracted to people smart enough to focus on law school without having to give up fucking me," at least in this context? Though not exactly this context, because nope.
See, if you're "heteroflexible, looking for someone with a beard," just don't put down that you're looking for "people" in the section okcupid will use to display you to "people." This is all probably a ploy by the company to get me to pay so I can browse anonymously and not feel embarrassed about looking at profiles like that.
I don't know what it means, I'm more of a Ronniejamesdiosexual.
I'm too sleepy to mock human sexuality.
Oh my god I hate this blog sometimes. I don't even care how many times that posts!
216 Never used it but you have to pay to browse other profiles anonymously? Yikes. What's to stop someone from setting up a second fake profile just to do that though?
Maybe the only good thing to come out of this discussion of sapiosexuals is finding literary examples to use as cautionary tales. Warning youngsters of the perils of self-conscious sapiosexuality and law school are unalloyed goods IMO.
Never used it but you have to pay to browse other profiles anonymously?
Yes. Many of the incentives to upgrade to the paid service are honestly kind of creepy.
What's to stop someone from setting up a second fake profile just to do that though?
Nothing, but what's the advantage? You'd still have to pay.
Oh, you mean one that would show up but not indicate your connection to the other profile. I guess you could do that.
222: There's no benefit to having a second profile. I believe you can also choose to be seen once you've decided who you want to see you. (I guess I know that to be true, since that's what the girl I've been dating does. She also generously offered to secretly snoop on anyone's profile for me if I wanted her to.) It also lets you see what people have liked you (swiping on a picture sort of tinder-style) when on a free account I believe you can only see this if you like them back or if the site is trying to trick you into doing more by emailing you to say that a certain person has liked you. I am suspicious about everything, but I'm sure it's actually on the up-and-up.
Most of my complaints boil down to something they couldn't fix, which is that every woman who says she's on the site to find friends is going to say she's interested in women (for that purpose) even if only men for every other one. And then they'll show up as interested in women for casual sex/ short-term dating/long-term dating even though they're not and I'll feel like a horrible creeper for looking at their profiles even though I blame them. Also I blame the weird-eyebrow people for their weird eyebrows and the world at large for how bad most of the photos are. Mine included, but I deliberately chose one that would be less flattering, which in retrospect was really stupid. But I haven't fixed it yet.
There was a post by someone at OK Cupid about all the experiments they run and why we should be fine with it that made them seem a lot creepier than I'd originally thought. I've still never created a profile.
I think they've gotten creepier since they were bought by Match.com, but I don't have any specific examples of changes to point to.
The most obvious change is of course more ads, but that's not necessarily all that creepy.
Don't most people on OKCupid have a second shadow profile set to "can't see who visited me, others can't see if I visit them" so you can check people out who you're talking to without racking up visits? Standard "my desperate neediness and willingness to online snoop, if revealed, would drive off all potential lovers" technology.
I also look up anyone who tells me their number on OKCaller, which is usually enough info in concert with their first name to find a Facebook account, LinkedIn, etc. Surely if people knew that they'd think I was overly stalkerish, right? But it's just innocent curiosity! Well, one time I did use my powers for evil and "guessed" a bunch of details about a date that I had no way of knowing (her handedness, her number of siblings) so she'd think I was psychic/supa-intuitive. But I totally felt bad about it afterwards.
Btw it's pretty weird that OKCaller (dot com) exists at all. I hadn't realized how easy it is to look up names from phone numbers.
Don't most people on OKCupid have a second shadow profile set to "can't see who visited me, others can't see if I visit them"
I don't think this is possible anymore.
231: When I give out my number I give my full name and explicitly invite them to internet stalk me. If there's a deal breaker I want it on the table before the first date. I've set my FB account to public to make it easier.
"You seem nice, but I can't be with someone so forthcoming."
227.2: people use online dating sites to try and find friends? Like, not "friends", but actual platonic friends?
I may have badly misunderstood the intent of those ads for adultfriendfinder.com.
I think it's safe to assume you have. Try it and see.
235: It shows you the recent updates people have made to their profiles, which often include "I'm married now!" but I don't know why those people don't just delete instead, so maybe actual friendship is part of it. I assume at least some of it is code or cover or insecurity. Like mine doesn't say I'm open to serious long-term relationships because I think I'm likely to be a disappointment to people looking for that, though I wouldn't be opposed if it happened. "Friends" may let people believe they're not just in it for the sex or that it gives them a polite excuse to reply to unwanted gross messages, dunno.
The whole idea of openly asking for what you want in a relationship is completely foreign to me. I have no idea what the kids are up to these days.
I always make my expectations perfectly clear.
I would too if I could have people killed when they didn't meet them.
While I am unclear on this 'democracy' concept, I believe citizens' executions for treason would be entirely unobjectionable.
And, for the avoidance of doubt, infertility is treason, if it is not witchcraft
Henry VIII, of course, famously disappointed by Anne of Cleves' heavily photoshopped profile pic.
And the permanence of her duckface.
I let my boyfriend sleep with women on OKC primarily because I enjoyed the process of him using OKC so much. He did some research, and apparently (straight?) women checking "friends" is a way of indicating being down for NSA sex without checking the "sex" box and getting a bunch of creeps. He had pretty good success with that just by filtering for women interested in finding "friends."
women checking "friends" is a way of indicating being down for NSA sex
YOU DON'T SAY.
I've never heard of OK Caller before. When I was a reporter there was something I used for what sounds like a similar purpose. E.g. if someone had given me a bit of information about someone but didn't have their contact information handy, I could plug what I had into this resource and usually find what I needed. It was an arcane, obscure, highly technical Web site: whitepages.com.
The previous paragraph is a joke, but it's become true. When I left the paper, whitepages.com was basically useful. It was the White Pages book, available online. But since then it's become overwhelmed with ads, premium services, and extra features no one ever actually needs (or I don't, at least). The signal to noise ratio is too low.
I let my boyfriend sleep with women on OKC primarily because I enjoyed the process of him using OKC so much.
Not to pry, but I'm very curious about this. Pry, pry, oh wait.
I'm getting on my laptop to respond to the woman I've been chatting with more substantively than I easily can on my phone and I checked the privacy settings. Sure enough, torque's suggestion from 231 sounds doable and I may be tempted.
Turn off Visitors
People will not see you visit their profile
You will not see who visits your profile
Your current Visitors list will be cleared
I think I've read that there isn't an equivalent invisibility status for straight people, but I could also choose
I don't want to be seen by straight people but won't because I haven't had a problem with that.
Not being seen by straight people is what I worry about when I cross the street.
When I was providing research support for investigative journalists, I found a former CIA director's number on whitepages.com
But I don't think the reporter (who was the one who suggested the site, I should note) got an interview.
I'm not sure anyone but you and I will ever stand in rightful awe of the full sickness of that burn; the intersection of people who have a strong sapiosexual aversion and deeply complicated Dorothea Brooke feelings is vanishingly small. It is enough for me, though.
253 to 251, and also just to the void.
Fine, if this thread is alive again I'll confess that I'm meeting the 25-year-old tonight.
I certainly have no intention of ever reading that book.
Do you want to bring my dad?
Have we had the Unfogged Snapchat tutorial yet?
I have a couple younger friends who want to snapchat, not text. Even for making group plans. I feel old.
Snapchat is funny. I heard about when it came out as a sexting-only app, but my kids live on it now. Going to the beach for July 4th weekend was all about the carefully curated Snapchat story for both of them.
Would Dorothea have been happier if Casaubon really had discovered the Key to all Mythologies?
Or was Viagra/Cialis what their relationship really needed?
Counterfactual Middlemarch is my favorite game but the only solution is to throw Causobon down a well. Ugh, that he would would do that to a child.
I suspect I'd be better off staying home and rereading Middlemarch, which I read when I was way too young to get it all, but I'll stay strong.
I would be a better person if the Lydgate story didn't leave me thinking "On some level, serves you right."
Also I've spelled Causaubon wrong two different ways in one thread so also throw me down a well, but a different well.
That's three, who AM I.
In return I can at least offer you an affection hitherto unwasted, and the faithful consecration of a life which, however short in the sequel, has no backward pages whereon, if you choose to turn them, you will find records such as might justly cause you either bitterness or shame
Was Casaubon a virgin? Enquiring minds!
I was 25 when I married the 36-year-old I met on Match. So what I'm saying is maybe your girls will get the wedding of which they've dreamed.
266 fwiw pretty sure that that's what George Eliot thought too, and she was at least a high-medium person.
Counterfactual Middlemarch
Lydgate/Ladislaw slash fic?
Elliot didn't exactly throw Casaubon down a well, but she did kill him off.
270: Oh, it's DEFINITELY not that kind of date. They can have a good time at my 25-year-old baby brother's wedding and that will have to be enough. (I was 26 and Lee 44 when we first got involved, but that's not consoling me at all.)
273 hopefully the kind of date it is is the kind where your date is very into it when you say "hang on a second I have to tell a comments section about the progress of this date."
Never have understood why Dorothea inspires such strong feelings in people (strongly negative or strongly ambivalent... i guess i knew one guy who had a crush on her). To me she always seemed so abstract and constructed (which is a good thing -- artifice is good in the hands of good artificers). It seemed necessary to resist any emotional involvement in ANY of the subplots and use all one's limited energy for making (emotional) sense of the whole. Glad I am not dating as anyone would give my casaubonesque profile a miss tho
276: To make me not feel like a creepy weirdo.
274: I can explain that it's like Snapchat but for old people!
Thorn comes through for the blog!
Has LB informed us what her age range is?
277.1: Creepy weirdo? Really??? You're not even half as old as Casaubon, and your date is quite a bit older than Dorothea.
278.2: 18-20, although she may consider 21 years old if they seem sufficiently youthful.
275: It's the "St. Theresa, foundress of nothing," thing for me. All that potential, all that energy, and deadended into nowhere because she didn't have the right kind of approach for managing how to have a useful life inside the roles that were available to her. I mean, at least Elliot doesn't drown her like Maggie, but both of them are such a painful waste.
And my OkCupid profile does namecheck Eliot, as someone I like better than Austen. Because fine distinctions between nineteenth-century authors is what draws in the (29 to 50 year old) men.
(29 seems absurdly young, and I should probably hike it up a notch or two.)
I wish you could specify ranges like you can page numbers on a printer. 19, 29-50, 75.
I think I might have had the same age range as LB, maybe 48 or something on the high side. For this thread, I changed it to 25-58, which is the half plus seven range, but I didn't expect to take advantage of that.
A rather staggering number of men lied about their age when I was on OKC. Shouldn't be a problem anymore since I shamed them all back to hell.
I will insert my usual reaction to the half-plus-seven rule, that it has no coherent provenance and makes no sense at all. I mean, no better or or worse than anything else, but it's not a rule with any intrinsic credibility.
Someone is wrong lied about themselves on the internet!
Was Casaubon a virgin? Enquiring minds!
Isn't it an at least respectable position, if not the generally accepted position, that his and Dorothea's marriage is never consummated?
I've belatedly realized that I broke the half-plus-seven rule when I started dating my ex (I was 32, he was 22). No wonder the relationship was doomed.
288: I agree! I only used it because it's common and because I thought I might bother counting things up when people were talking about their experiences here. It would have to be a really fascinating 58-year-old for me to be convinced we'd click, and my experience with a 30-year-old who was way too young for me is probably normal.
288: You could push to have one half plus seven replaced with the Casaubon-Dorothea rule.
291: I may have done the same (age-wise) a few years ago but that fizzled out after two dates/her move to Denver.
282: Why 50? I'd be interested in a live blog of a date with a Vietnam War vet, and maybe you'd inherit during dinner.
Nothing in this world is more baffling than the fact that a highly educated professional can nevertheless not know what "NB" stands for.
296: A vague, plaintive hope that I can manage being shallow about dating actually attractive men?
299: What about a 55 year-old with a well-fitted toupée and abs that are supported by an inconspicuous spanx?
Perhaps this should've gone on the venting thread, but, after a few drinks, I started talking with an attractive younger woman. Despite not having much in common it was going well, until, that is, she became more forwardly flirtacious and I completely froze, terrifying visions of an actual relationship flooding my mind. I'm utterly hopeless.
303: Does he have enough money to supplement with a pool boy?
I was just about to complain that I am forcing myself to not cancel the date because she's attractive and I'm terrified and think it must all be a huge mistake, so there are lots of kinds of hopeless.
305: To hire one for you or to bathe in the blood of one to keep his skin youthful?
307: I was thinking of the first, but I guess if the latter works, it's an alternative.
295 the first time, it emerged during the date because he said he was getting to the point where he had to think about whether he wanted kids, etc., and I said something like "you're a 35-year old man, you have some time," and he hemmed and hawed and then said he was 45 (which was still well within my range, for whatever that is worth). I asked why he'd lied and he explained that, in sum, young women were shallow and didn't know what was good for them, so you had to entrap them. I told him that I would have been absolutely fine with going out with him knowing he was 45, but I was very uncomfortable going out with him knowing that was how he thought, and left (him with the tab). Fast forward a few months and I was telling this story to someone I'd seen a few times "ha ha, isn't dating funny," and he all of a sudden had something to confess, he was 40 not 35, but really wasn't he actually more like 35 since that's how old most of his friends were? Again, I asked why he'd lied, and again, very strange misogyny poured forth. I would have had plenty of sympathy for someone who just said "you know what, I was insecure about my age, it was silly, you got me." Anyway, after that I started telling the Fable of the Age Liars on dates regularly, and quite a few more revealed themselves on the spot.
Eggplant, Thorn, I hereby affirm my belief that attractive younger persons can be attracted to you! Go get 'em, tigers!
310: The science isn't in yet, but it feels right.
311: So in conclusion, the 95% who lie about their age are all weirdos.
311: Oh, funny. When I hear, 'men lying about their age', I would have guessed fifties claiming forties, not forties claiming thirties.
OTOH the last time I went on a date with a woman who seemed far too attractive to possibly want anything to do with me, it turned into the least emotionally healthy relationship of! my! life!, so, you know, who knows, right?
95% of what? And also, yes.
316's outcome would be such an incredibly high bar for me that I'm not actually worried about that.
299: I will share with you the secret of dating attractive men:
Step 1: Find an attractive man.
Step 2: Cut a slice out of him and measure the ratio of C14 to C12.
Voila!
315, that may well have happened too, but if so they managed to keep it to themselves, like Gracie Allen, which I have some respect for.
320: in some cases you may be able to replace step 2 with a less invasive procedure whereby the attractive man makes a bashful offering of his biomass.
310: It works, but you can expect some legal hassles if people find out.
Thanks, nosflow. I worry they won't and fear they will.
Most men are quite wiling to offer some of their biomass.
And my OkCupid profile does namecheck Eliot, as someone I like better than Austen.
I picture some guy thinking, "I've perfecting faking that I've read Jane Austen. Now I have to figure out how to fake having read George Eliot too? Man, being a dude is rough!"
Despite not having much in common it was going well, until, that is, she became more forwardly flirtacious and I completely froze, terrifying visions of an actual relationship flooding my mind. I'm utterly hopeless.
Eggplant: some woman is complaining to her friends about you and how she couldn't even get laid, despite her best efforts.
328: Eggplant requires careful preparation.
If you don't sweat with salt first it can be quite bitter.
Speaking of talking people out of law school, I just got an email suggesting I get a Master of Studies in Law. As near as I can tell, this means I give them a bunch of money and lots of time in exchange for a deeper understanding of the law and no corresponding increase in my abilities to do anything having to do with legal representation.
It comes from a very reputable school. Or at least one that has never bounced a check written to me.
I had a very nice date last night with a woman who was super engaged and friendly and had no concept of personal space but wasn't actually flirtatious. I spent the whole evening fighting the urge to just kiss her when she leaned in a little too close. I'm in the process of trying to secure a second date. This is confusing.
Also she owns an abaya, so I know she's not a slut.
My date may be canceled for lack of babysitting, which for once isn't my fault or my problem! Maybe it'll be a Middlemarch night after all.
335: as my facebook status of several years reported, "too drunk to read Middlemarch" is the new "too drunk to fuck".
I don't think any of the scarves I have are even hijab-only, though somewhere I have a little lacy hair-covering hat to go under them for extra polite coverage. You can draw your own inferences about my sluttiness, I'm sure.
Thorn should obviously just invite the date to her place for a Middlemarch reading. Test child- Eliot- and and sluttiness-compatibility all at once. Speed-dating!
Nobody who doesn't live here is entering this house until the boxes that are everywhere are ready to exit. Also she's not really a reader, I don't think, which is of course a dealbreaker for me for any serious relationship this time around, so there are many flaws with this plan. (She also seems to have a septum piercing as well as a chest tattoo, since those are two things I think I've called out in the past as not being what I'm looking for. That's what makes this a practice date!)
Also she's not really a reader, I don't think,
That's ok. "Middlemarch and chill" isn't really about reading.
She also claims to think it's important to date a while before having sex, nosflow.
Claims, sure. That's why you invite her over.
Do peoples' profiles say whether or not they have tattoos in places that probably aren't seen in profile pictures?
Ok, but what about before making out?
336: I'll have to ask.
She did tell some very funny stories about lingerie shopping in Saudi Arabia. I wouldn't be surprised if she sprang for the fancy abaya.
> Also she owns an abaya, so I know she's not a slut.
Racist.
You can answer questions about tattoos and some people give numbers. You can also have a tasteful nude photo on your easily accessible Instagram page. The online dating works offers many options, clearly.
Lying about one's age is just weird. I've never had any qualms about saying "I'm 46 but I really have the emotional maturity of a 28-year-old."
348: But no nipples. Or am in thinking of Pinterest?
351: I've only ever checked flickr's terms of service on that one. And I did specify tasteful.
As the supreme arbiter of taste hereabouts, I think you should send me a link to this account.
248
Sorry, didn't see your comment! It's pretty simple. He's more into NSA sex than I am, and I find it hot to think of him sleeping with other women, so I let him hook up with ladies on OKC. The requirements are: he has to share all communication openly with me, he has to ask permission before setting up a date, and he has to answer any question I ask him honestly and freely, and he has to be extremely straightforward with any woman he hooks up with about the nature of hook-up (the first line of his profile is that he has a long-term partner who helped him design his profile, and he's just looking for sex). I also have the right to put an end to it whenever I feel. Also, he has to practice safe sex, obviously. I'm more into it when we're apart, and he's gone on dates with about 4 ladies and slept with 3 of them in those situations (though one woman, a much older tenured professor at CM, he picked up in a bar in Pittsburgh). He tried sleeping with one woman while we were together in the same city, but it ended up being too weird and too open ended (she kept trying to go on dates with him every weekend), so we decided to close the relationship. He's going abroad for 1-2 years, at least one of those years during which we'll be apart, and we're considering reopening the relationship.
I'm of course also welcome to sleep with other men, but I don't particularly feel the desire or need to right now.
I take it house Moby isn't so open.
I just like to keep track for research purposes.
If he knows the bartender's name, I can probably name the bar.
I'm not sure what NSA sex is unless it means you're listening in while he's sleeping with other people.
361
Hmm... that could be hot too, or really really awkward. I meant no strings attached.
I'm going to be visiting family in south Florida for the next two weeks. Do we have anyone who lives there, and would like to meetup?
Interesting choice of thread for that question.
Looking for friends only! Not in the OKC sense.
Btw, teo, I got the dates I'll be in Fairbanks confirmed: 8/7-15.
Cool. I don't have any major conflicts that week, so let's plan on meeting up at some point. We can work out the details as it gets closer.
Is this the first Alaskan Unfogged meetup?
No, CharleyCarp and I met for dinner once when he was up here for work.
I have a quick meeting date tomorrow while all our children are accounted for and then, assuming no disasters, a real one next Friday. Just FYI.
Do "quick meeting dates" count toward the main count?
I have a date tomorrow too! We can be date buddies!
Are you getting gelato, nosflow? We are!
We have not made plans to get gelato but who knows what turns the evening will take.
Oh my! Well, this is not that kind of date, just gelato.
I don't recommend telling the no-doubt-lovely lady that you and she should get gelato because that's that your Old Kentucky Date Buddy is doing, though. Not everything needs to be explicit.
So "getting gelato" is a euphemism for what?
It's like this, but more Continental and sophisticated, like they do it down in Italy.
Getting gelato is a terrible date idea. How are you supposed to get drunk doing that?
This is why you don't date boring single moms who have obligations afterward, Tigre.
Anyway, there's a wine store at the market where I once did a tasting with a scoop of gelato in the drink, so there are options if it's an emergency. Or just come back on the weekend when the beer garden and fresh juice/liquor bar are open.
I went on a date with a woman with an amazing hairstyle in which we went to the swanky-ass ice cream shop ici. It was fine! I mean, there was no sequel, but w/e.
I somehow got into a weird, unhealthy, pen pal but by email, non-relationship with someone which started after we argued in person about when gelato was invented, on the basis of having no facts in front of us. It was during that far off era where people didn't have smartphones and easy internet access.
Any good Samaritans open to critiquing my Bumble profile? Getting a bit frustrated at a lack of matches (even ones the woman didn't act on) over several days. Probably doing it wrong as I never tried Tinder.
You can email me, Minivet, but I've never used Bumble or Tinder. I'm just really good at reading into people's profiles uncharitably.
Have you tried lying about your age? I hear that works as long as you don't tell the truth.
Rule #1 of lying: don't tell the truth.
Rule #2 of lying: Don't be self-referential.
I'm just saying, once you trick somebody into dating you, don't stop fooling them. If you do, best case is the dump you. Worst case is Voldemort.
Anyway, maybe Voldemom should have used wizard sex selection to get a girl (post coitus 'accio sperm with Y chromosome) because there's never been a lady Hitler.
Yet. Marine Le Pen could still become president of France.
OK, when people write "lying"-- there's a large-print number that gets used to limit searches. Take 10 years off for good behavior. Now, in the text where you describe yourself, explain-- either state your birthdate, or make the good behavior joke. This way, you are not invisible because it's later than you think but full disclosure.
Update for those who care: Things are progressing quickly with the Bumble contact I mentioned either upthread or elsewhere. I slept over Monday night, and now we're scheduled for Thursday, Friday, and Saturday nights. It's really great, except I was kind of planning to slut it up for awhile, not engage in serial monogamy. Also, I am kind of exhausted easily by the "two hours of sleep because of all the fucking" thing in a way that wasn't the case in my 20s. Not unexpected, but man was I dragging ass on Tuesday.
Now there's a #humblebrag if there ever was one. (But congrats!)
Someday I should show her where to get better gelato, but no other complaints.
Someday I should show her where to get better gelato,
:O !
Got it, Mini!
And she just sent me a link to the nude photo, so my having found it no longer counts as creeping, which is nice. I can even ignore whatever low-hanging aspersions nosflow is into these days.
Whoa, hey there lady. I don't asperse.
Me, too, Minivet. I think you have my e-mail? Although I really think you should just post it here and rely on the odds that your date won't Google key phrases. And also? I assume you are looking for a balding middle aged man typing alone in a basement, so maybe your workshopping audience is not the target demographic?
Does Bumble even have a browser interface I could link to?
Now let's see who Lord Bumbleton really is!
How is Bumble different from OKCupid or what have you? Extra secure so your dick pics are harder to forward?
Now I remember. Bumble is feminist Tindr. So, yes?
I'm going to be laughing about that all night, Apo. Thanks!
I see that my date and I are doing the ritual pre-date viewing of each others' profiles.
I deliberately didn't do that and as a result was wrong in my guess about how tall she'd be, though I also don't care. I don't think I have any questions for people here to take on since I've accepted the answer that it's ok for someone attractive to want to spend time with me.
So apparently there's a Jewish Tinder called J-Swipe. I have not tried it myself and don't intend to.
I just figure it isn't likely to be very popular here.
I am increasingly tempted to try regular Tinder, though.
That's a good reason!
I just found out we're very compatible when ot comes to loathed/tolerated chores. Okcupid wisely doesn't have a space for that because it would be so tempting to settle if that meant never vacuuming again.
414 - you and three other people could continuously swipe one another, forever.
What a short, albeit not unpleasant, date!
The air conditioning is broken and I'm irked by how slowly the house is cooling down.
You should write to your Congressman about the injustice of the laws of thermodynamics.
