Okcupid questions suggest that some people care and some people have different standards for men and women.
This is heebie's tricky way to get people here to disclose their number.
A few years back, I read a 49 year old male's evaluation for a sexually violent predator civil commitment. The evaluator devoted several pages to the fact that this 49 year old man had slept with approximately 100 women.
5: It really is terrifying to see the sort of stuff that gets into that sort of evaluation. So much certainty from people who truly do not know at all.
4: Ogged's post is superficially lighthearted but actually makes you want to cry. My post is superficially serious but actually makes people devolve into silly gossip and disclosures.
I will sleep with 112 women if it will get one of you to definitively answer the quandary in 112 of the antisemitism thread.
By which I mean the thread discussing antisemitism. If ether's another thread that has simply devolved into antisemitism, I don't know about it. Wait, I guess that would be an antisemitic thread. nvm.
9 was me. Or imagine 9 was George Clooney if you'd prefer to imagine him sleeping with a bunch of women on my Mac's behalf.
Guess you'll have to sleep with all those women just for the sheer pleasure; I have no idea.
"all those women" seems kind of judgy, heebz. Dial it back a little for the sake of kids these days!
9: I think you mean 113 in the antisemitism thread, unless you're pledging your debauchery to find out why ajay wants chris y to tone down his characterization of Eastern Europeans.
12- So you lie down and have women form a circle around you?
It really is terrifying to see the sort of stuff that gets into that sort of evaluation. So much certainty from people who truly do not know at all.
So true. So called experts with certainty. When you peel it back, you realize that they are just making stuff up based on their own bias or moral judgments.
My sense of things in college (early '90s) was that only a brute would judge women for sleeping around, as long as the number wasn't extraordinary.
I fully recognize the absurdity of this; at the time, I don't think I did. Although, at the time, I was surely dubious about anyone racking up extraordinary numbers (a dozen a year over several years? I have no idea what I would have identified as extraordinary.). You know, Catholic.
Also, my sense of things was definitely skewed by the herpes and AIDS panics: casual sex seemed dangerous in a way that made one night stands seem not so much morally suspect as insanely risky.
15: Whoops, yes. Crap, another woman for me and/or George.
I don't know if it was the same for women, but I do believe that the numbers I recall being traded around my male friends were most assuredly bullshit.
It doesn't matter how many guys you sleep with as long as you don't enjoy it.
as long as the number wasn't extraordinary.
What's extraordinary? Dozens? Hundreds? What difference does it make?
re: 20
I remember being in a conversation in a pub where a casual acquaintance was insisting his number was X, where X was quite a bit higher than anyone else I knew at the time.* He was also the least physically attractive, and least charming person at the table.
I was completely incredulous** but couldn't quite bring myself to call him a liar to his face.
* we were in our mid 20s, just post-college
** his number was at least double or maybe even three times my own at that age and at the time women were still almost literally throwing themselves at me.***
*** almost deleted that comment, because it comes off as bragging/arrogant.
"almost literally launching themselves at me" is more plausible by the physics of it.
I think we can all agree that Amy Schumer is the dividing line between slutty and not slutty, and she says she's slept with 28 guys. More than that you're a ho, less and you might as well be a virgin. Right on the number 28 you're in some weird superposition of states and need to get on it to move up or down. You can move down by redefining sex you've had as not really counting because you didn't really like the person that much or you had your fingers crossed or you only did it in the butt or what have you. There are lots of exemptions and exceptions you can use to maintain technical virginity. Just ask around any Catholic girls high school.
22: Imaginary, uncomputable, p-adic...
You'll get on a list if you do that and you're a typical age for here.
It seems like a legitimate question among young adults because experience levels can vary significantly, and understanding the level of (in-)experience of your partner can help everyone. Are we both old pros?, are we going to be fumbling through a learning process together?, or is one partner going to be helping the other learn some things about him- or her-self? Etc.
Among full-fledged adults, there's an assumption that everyone knows what they are doing and so this becomes obviously irrelevant. And continued interest in the issue becomes offensive.
Oh, look, here's another wave of anxiety about taking another shot at starting to date again.
25: Before taking Amy Schemer as the benchmark for anything, consider that she has been known to wear, in public, a Clint Eastwood-style poncho.
That's what I thought.
I believe that Mr. Eastwood considers that a serape.
Men like it when you correct them, LB. You're clearly ready to date!
It's both a coat and a sleeping bag.
31: Good point, but she's the only celebrity who's number I know, and I like concrete numbers.
I am reliably informed that East German army sleeping bags had two little rubber booties sticking out of the foot end, so that you could, in an emergency, push your feet into them and walk around without having to get out of your sleeping bag. This sounds hilariously impractical. I'd rather have a Mountain Serape.
34 to what you should wear when dating during the cooler months.
There are a few questions about the past that I think are useful early with any new partner-- absolute number of partners not one of them though.
Emotional or practical entanglements with former partners is good to know about up front. Knowing about risky (ie IV maybe) partners since most recent test for HIV is also good.
full-fledged adults I have not actually met all that many of these. Age isn't a proxy for much of anything. Lots of middle-aged people have meticulously maintained fronts.
If you were dating at the time, you could each push one foot into one of the booties, and hop around jointly.
36: They definitely make and market a sleeping bag that is designed for you to open up the bottom and walk around the campsite.
Oh, look, here's another wave of anxiety about taking another shot at starting to date again.
Just say, "My imaginary internet friend told me never to answer that question."
Not specifically anxiety about talking about the number (which I'd have to reminisce and count on my fingers to come up with), but just the entire topic. Goddamn dating.
A mountain serape is like a security blanket for your ego.
38.1: For me it's STI status (including oral HSV), most recent test results, preferred safe sex practices, and that's it - everything else is merely curiosity. I'm interested in partner count just for the prurience of it. Past history and future plans in bed are fun to talk about if you're both into it, but the really important bits are all around STIs. I'm assuming whoever it is is either single or in an open relationship (got a date tonight with someone in the latter category, actually), or the STI conversation isn't going to come up - I reject cheaters as soon as I find out.
When you apply to date most people, you have to fill out a several page form, but with the FairDate application you can date togolosh by only filling out an index card.
The marriage penalty they talk about probably applies to 45 too.
||
I would like to email both Pokey and Hawaii's teachers simultaneously, to coordinate parent-teacher conferences. Pokey's teacher is on maternity leave until mid-October. I called the school to get the sub's email address. "Substitute teachers don't get email addresses," I'm told.
WHY DOES EVERYONE WANT TO MAKE MY LIFE HARDER.
|>
In all the first dates I've gone on in the last year or so, which admittedly isn't all that many, there's been a moment when we stop and talk about our trauma histories and how I've totally dealt with this this way and it's fine but you should know in ways that I gather are not standard in straight situations. It's convenient for me because "My ex is awful and here's what's up" is something I do need to be able to say, but yikes.
In my circles in college, it was entirely boasting, even for women. Though there was one woman who claimed to have slept with over 100 guys that people thought was maybe a little bit out of control. (Oddly, she was the first libertarian I ever met.)
I endorse all of LW's 38. Some transparency is good.
Are we sleeping with other people? Or not?
Are you still emotionally connected with someone?
Then you can make decisions.
I don't remember the topic ever coming up, or gossip in general. It depends on your circles.
Also, a benefit of being in your (late) 40s. Asking how many people you have slept with would be an odd question. Unless it is "How many people have you slept with in the last 6 months?"
I'm sure the substitute has some email address unless the school gets them blacklisted from all the standard ISPs and email providers. Send in a note asking for it or asking to email you?
47. In the olden days people gave their kid a note for the teacher.
54: Which we'll do. But you can see why it might be neat to simultaneously email two people?
Why would you deny your longterm substitute teachers an EMAIL ADDRESS?!
49: There were a couple of women of my acquaintance in college who talked about having "fucked their age" by ~20/21. I nearly became number something in the mid-20s with one of them, but did not due to my inability to disentangle myself from a stupid relationship. Neither of them were libertarians, I don't think.
OT: I think you should have a thread on Douglas Carswell MP's theory of tides.
Herbie, it's really inappropriate to email your child's sub to ask how many sexual partners they've had. You save that sort of thing for the parent-teacher conference.
Fucking your age is a tricky goal. Do you want to do all the catch-up work before you leave college? Do you want to give yourself some breathing room in advance of marriage? Should you rely on being able to catch up again when you hit the nursing home?
I would only care to the extent it's indicative of something else, like really low self esteem, depression or anxiety. I would be nervous if a man my age had had no sexual partners, but if he were otherwise well adjusted and not bad in bed it wouldn't really be a problem.
I do like to know my long-term sexual partners' sexual pasts, but that's just because I love oral histories and narrated autobiographies. It's in the same vein that I like looking at people's family photo albums, or hearing about people's childhoods.
61:
The most important questions of our time.
Wait though, do adults who have spent any amount of time sleeping aroung actually know the number of people they slept with? I guess I could probably offer a range +/- 10 with some confidence but that's about it. And not because it's billions and billions of people, just enough incidents where I'm like yes I went on a few dates with/randomly went home with that guy, but did we fuck or just watch Cosmos and do hand stuff, it's lost to the mists of time.
64: TFA is full of advice about how to count if you do remember.
just watch Cosmos and do hand stuff
"You know, that's also made of star stuff."
I am also just... trying really hard to imagine my reaction to a male sex partner who expressed any opinion other than "that's the perfect amount of people to have slept with." Even in college that particular form of negging was so obvious and contemptible that I think guys avoided it.
Well I don't think they should be teaching that.
69: surely you would want a potential partner to express the opinion that "that is exactly one fewer than the perfect amount of people to have slept with". If he says "that's the perfect amount of people to have slept with" he's essentially saying "...so we can't shag! That would ruin it!"
73 is right, unless you've already slept with him.
I assumed "a male sex partner" implied it had happened already; if we mean a potential sex partner yes, you are exactly right. I don't know why I have gone presidential here, I guess I am worried about being recognized by the Cosmos and hand stuff guy.
For some reason hand stuff + the Carl Sagan Cosmos seems totally normal; hand stuff + Neil Degrasse Tyson Cosmos seems totally weird and gross.
Listen, Carl Sagan was not on Netflix and we didn't have a Hulu password.
Louisa, is that really you? And you really don't remember?
80: I thought it was just a setup for the billions and billions joke.
80 if I were bragging there would be no humility in it.
Note that nothing L.A. has said specifically excludes the possibility that the hand stuff was being given to Neil DeGrasse Tyson himself.
...and the woman I was going to hook up with tonight just ditched me. Oh well. I do however know her exact number in the roster of people I've slept with, so there's that.
I have a friend who has done a lot of sleeping around who keeps a written list of everyone she's banged, along with brief analysis. I've never seen the list though I'm on it, apparently well reviewed or so she says, but she would, wouldn't she? Can't tell an ex they sucked in bed and expect to stay good friends.
her exact number in the roster of people I've slept with
?
I have a friend who has done a lot of sleeping around who keeps a written list of everyone she's banged, along with brief analysis
AWB wrote limericks, IIRC.
I have had a very small number of sexual partners and would still have to stop and think if I wanted to get clear on the details of who did what when. Is 64 not the universal reaction, except for weirdos like togolosh's friend with the Casanova journal?
85.last: Everyone lies about that in general, right?
89 precisely; I lost count after a pretty low number, the point is I lost count.
I used to know the number and names-in-order of everyone I'd slept with but decided at some point that actually keep track of that was kind of unseemly, in a sub–Don Giovanni sort of way. Also the third quarter started getting hazy.
Sure but if you touch Neil DeGrasse Tyson's penis that's an easy memory to dig back up.
Too bad there isn't a high-quality upload of the Joseph Losey catalogue aria.
86 exactly, you think I'd risk potential wrist strain on someone who wouldn't just man up and torrent Sagan?
88 Limericks are pretty sweet; a ranked list is serial killer shit.
87: She's number 15, if that's what you're asking. No idea what number I am for her, but I suspect it's considerably higher.
Little Quincy has never felt smaller, but will still always treasure the time he spent inside you, beautiful and cruel Luisa.
98 don't you even, it was only hand stuff.
woman who claimed to have slept with over 100 guys [...] was the first libertarian I ever met.
You spelled libertine wrong.
99 see 64 -- I went on a few dates with/randomly went home with that guy, but did we fuck or just watch Cosmos and do hand stuff, it's lost to the mists of time.
Your memory magically returned?
102 Woah there with the Reid Technique, my stories about hand stuff are a blessing; don't think I won't just pack them up and bring them somewhere else.
"My mother told me never to answer that question," is good but "my mother told me to say 28" would also be good.
a ranked list is serial killer shit.
To be clear I meant chronological order.
"My mother told me to say 28" would be better.
"My mother told me to say [27 to 25.last.]"
107 you were clear--and for whatever reason, I have only ever known young women to keep ranked lists or spreadsheets or whatever for their own purposes. Though it may just be that the men I know have strong enough self-preservation instincts that they don't think "I should tell Louisa about my sex list."
well there goes THAT pretense.
Now that we're all being open, I sort of wish my life were such that I had a need for this thing.
New here. Is it weird for my first comment to be about such a delicate subject?
Anywho, I frankly have no idea if or how girls/young women experience social pressures re:# of sex podnahs these days.
But if the prevalence of amateur internet porn is any indication, # of podnahs may matter less than # of viewers.
Perhaps now the shame is not getting enough likes for one's quasi-public bumping of uglies.
A safe answer might be "not as many as I would have liked but also not as many as I could have" Shows healthy libido and admission of limitations plus indicates standards and discernment.
Is it weird for my first comment to be about such a delicate subject?
Honestly, commenting here at all is weird enough. Don't worry about it. Feel lucky I don't know where the fruit basket is. That was weird.
112 you could definitely use that for hand stuff.
"Well I only did it once, but the video went viral!"
that's one of those things no has ever said, I hope.
"not as many as I would have liked but also not as many as I could have" Shows healthy libido Bilbo:
"I don't know half of you half as well as I should like; and I like less than half of you half as well as you deserve."
"Well I only did it once, but the video went viral!"
I didn't read the story, but saw a recent headline about an Italian woman who committed suicide after a sex video went viral.
112 you could definitely use that for hand stuff.
I think you meant 116.
64: This is a good point.
113: I was actually wondering if in the future it would become normal practice before you slept with someone to watch them doing it on video.
I was actually wondering if in the future it would become normal practice before you slept with someone to watch them doing it on video.
The old "you need experience to get the job but you need the job to get experience" catch-22.
I can't believe I had all that presidentiality and didn't even try shit-stirring on Israel/Palestine. What a waste.
What's weird is "podnahs".
Podah: Louisianian for "partner."
For whatever reason, as I was thinking about sex partners the voice in my head was utilizing a good ole boy,
Louisiana, maybe cajun/maybe not voice.
I know that "podnahs" is "partners". It's still annoying.
I know what you mean. When I think sex I turn into a sexy James Carville.
Whatever, it doesn't matter how you spell it as long as you have 28.
Any consensus on 69 Love Songs by The Magnetic Fields? I only recently discovered it, kind of overwhelming all at once but truly great at its best and very nice in smaller doses.
Even more than grooming habits, I think interest in photos/videos is strongly age linked. In my pretty limited experience with women who enjoy places that are just barely private, definitely no photos. I don't know what the kids (that is, under 35) do these days though.
As to the marginal partner of the type described by, well, by 91-- I think that women prefer to forget marginal or retrospectively unfortunate partners, while men prefer memories that improve on events. The existence of actual sets of limericks or notebooks/spreadsheets would falsify this idea. How common are these? I would guess really rare.
131: No consensus. I love it , but there's definitely a contingent here that think it's pretentious and overrated.
131 it's fine if you're already burnt out on Carloman, by Carloman but I don't see how you could be. A nice thing about dating grouchy middle aged men is that they think photos are still a great sexy treat that they are lucky to get, as opposed to like, phatic sexting.
Have you heard any earlier Magnetic Fields albums? Holiday - Highway Strip - Get Lost is a pretty great sequence, and taken together IMO better than 69 Love Songs. Get Lost is my favorite. I think the promotional material said something like "13 songs from the worst year of my life."
re: 131
It has been a while since I listened to it -- since about the time I walked into a record shop and swapped it for something less shit -- but at the time it came out I hated it and thought it was a piece of shit,* and that the critics who lauded the classic songwriting nous clearly didn't listen to enough actual classic songwriting to know it if it hit them in the face. I really wanted to like it, too, since the reviews made it sound at least somewhat like the sort thing I'd like.
But my taste in music has changed in the intervening years, so maybe I'd like it more now.
* not actually a piece of shit, just something nowhere near living up to the hype it had.
Thinking further about it, that's probably highly situational. As is all this commenting.
Feel lucky I don't know where the fruit basket is.
136 I have no idea what you could mean by that (she said, wilfully avoiding a lot of stupid tasks that would probably be nice to have out of the way).
This is not particularly relevant to numbers but one of the things Punchy laments about okcupid is that you can't leave user reviews on the people you've dated. She assured me I'd get recommendations from her, but a way to say "This person is great. Date her!" would be a plus in her book.
69 Love Songs
I'm supposed to like it, based on people with similar musical tastes who consider it transcendent. However, every time I have tried to listen to it, I have ended up bored shitless by the second or third track. Its appeal mystifies me.
There are definitely some really good songs on 69 Love Songs, but there for sure aren't 69 of them.
a way to say "This person is great. Date her!" would be a plus in her book.
They used to have this, ages and ages ago.
142: That was the original fruit basket. Did it change at some point after I wandered away?
144: I assume the obvious downsides (like, all of it) encouraged them to phase it out.
Good songs on that album include:
- Luckiest Guy on the Lower East Side
- I Don't Believe in the Sun
- I Don't Want to Get Over You
And there are probably more but tbh those are the only ones I've really listened to. (I don't have the full album and the last time I listened to the full album was years ago.)
134. Hmm, there's an idea, thanks.
133. I am in fact a grouchy middle aged man. That sounds OK, thanks. I'll retry, but it's pretty different, Magnetic Fields has more of a reimagined cabaret thing going. Jordi Savall or Gesualdo for early music or early music retooled is more to my taste.
138: maybe we should switch? Would you like to describe the thrilling adventures of the message bus and the REST API?
Wasn't there a ridiculous foofaraw not that long ago about somebody that wanted to set up a yelp-like rating site for people?
147: I like those but my favorites are "Book of Love", "Busby Berkeley Dreams", "Come Back From San Francisco", and maybe a few others.
145: All I ever saw was an link to a link to a link and so on. I was never bored enough to follow it all the way to the dog balls. I didn't realize there was anything at the end of the chain.
MOBY never got the fruit basket? This whole blog is a sham!
I don't know what a message bus is but I'll take it. Thanks. Ok, so you have to read like two thousand pages of depositon transcipts--it's important but not exactly urgent, so those will be looming but impossible to actually motivate yourself to tackle. While they loom, figure out if I accidentally took a distribution on my 401K and if I can fix that, and the girl is having a slumber party with 3 other second graders this weekend, so get out the extra mattress, and are they gonna do pizza, or what?
For a short while I was giving people the super fancy fruit baskets from that edible arrangements store. But after the third time or so, I couldn't even afford to post the link.
154 to 149 but really if any of you want to do it feel free.
Barry:
yeah, from there, but don't live there.
nosflow:
noted. I'll repress the voice mercilessly henceforth.
Huh, OK, that's interesting.
135,140,141, if you have any interest in honing in: suggestions for a version of "Everybody knows" that you like?
Opinions about country music tearjerkers that are successful, say "Satisfied Mind" or "Lonely side of town?"
For whatever it's worth, I haven't tried listening to the whole thing end to end, just pulled tracks in to various mixes and enjoyed that.
160 yeah it actually has to be takeout ie pizza because if you use my minature stove it melts the seal on my minature fridge (fuck NYC, seriously). But maybe lurid can fix that while we're freaky friday'd.
Use the erroneous 401k distribution to pay for pizza. If it was more than the cost of a pizza, continue trying to remedy the error.
Liveblog the deposition reading with extreme, hilarious distortions of fact to avoid confidentiality breaches.
What's his face had a good version of "Satisfied Mind". Uh Jeff Buckley, on Sketches for "My Sweetheard the Drunk".
Country music tearjerkers in general get a thumbs up from me. I really like (though I guess it's not a tearjerker precisely) Teddy Thompson doing "She Thinks I Still Care".
Opinions about country music tearjerkers that are successful, say "Satisfied Mind" or "Lonely side of town?"
Eilen Jewel did a great cover of "Satisfied Mind"
Oh man, people who are dating now, is it all going to be ruined by the new iMessage gifs and responses and stuff? It's bad enough you're expected to be texting all the time, but this seems like a whole new level of complication and having to strike just the right tone. (I did send LOLs to a couple of Lee's pitiful and unwanted texts and feel no shame about that, so I admit it comes in handy!)
166: As I just got dumped over text I spent a good couple of minutes searching for emoji to express combined sadness, resignation, and aspirations towards future friendship. Then I gave up and just sent words. There ought to be an emoji that says "you just hurt me but I don't hold it against you and I hope we'll be friends down the line" Something that combines the crying emoji, the winking one and the thumbs up would be a good place to start.
Now I should stop commenting because I plan to drown my sorrows in drink.
158
Well, that is what other voices in my head have told me as well.
Goodness knows, they haven't steered me wrong yet.
167: That sucks. As for hitting the right note in your reply, I suggest a link to the fruit basket.
Sorry, togolosh. That sounds painful and unpleasant. But if you'd like me to come up with some gifs I could! You probably don't want to take my lead and go with the LOL option, but that's always there.
167: As one who's been there a couple of times, I find "yeah ok" the most satisfying reply.
Just type something and leave it unsent forever so they see those three dots forever, perpetually wondering what you think.
Cryptic Ned knows how to twist the knife.
I'm going with the high road, which is to say trying to build an eventual friendship. As she knows many ladies of, um, easy virtue? to whom she might make an introduction at some point this is not an entirely selfless choice. Also she's pretty cool in her own right, so there's that. I'm bummed over here, not crushed. Just going to be a little mopey for a few days, then I'll return to my usual bitter cynical self.
Eventually the three dots disappear.
174. One by one they were all becoming shades. Better pass boldly into that other world, in the full glory of some passion, than fade and wither dismally with age.
Or you can just type "Too bad, be well" or the like.
re: 148.last
Jordi Savall. I like some of his stuff a lot, but sometimes -- on some recordings -- the ostentatious historically informed tunings drive me crazy. I can hear the beating between the different instruments that aren't in tune/intonated against each other properly. As a 'woah, look at us being all historic and shit' it's fine for a few minutes, but after a bit I can't listen anymore.
ttaM, will your new job (shorter commute?) leave you any more time for music? As I am a human black hole into which all discipline vanishes, I have not made much progress on the classical guitar, but I still have most of the notes you gave me last year, for which thanks again.
Clyt, IANATL but I think you can put money back in a 401(k) within 45 days or something. You should look it up, obvsly.
re: 177
Maybe. The commute is a bit shorter, and I'm home earlier one or two evenings a week.
I'm working on my jazz* (and western swing, etc)** playing at the moment, but sort of failing due to lack of time and focus. I have also been having fun practicing shred guitar again, by way of technique building. Also not great at it, but I'm not as slow as I thought, and it is fun.
* I'm really not good at it. I can't play over changes at all if they are fast, although I can fake it with Django or CC type stuff.
** although I'm not a fan of country music in generally, I really love the way guitar players who straddle that jazz/country divide sound.
143 is more or less the definitive review IMO.
I'm Mobyesque with the fruit basket.
Western swing! I have been wishing for a contemporary pedal steel revival ever since running across this (old) video of Jimmy Bryant and Speedy West. Supposedly Mary Halvorson is composing something for pedal steel (+ ensemble), but I'm not in NY and can't keep up... Oh, here is a thing. Promising; I was hoping for more walls of noise.
The thing I really should do is train myself to play decent rhythm guitar, much as one should have a diet with some fiber and a little less chocolate and almonds and chocolate-covered almonds. Good luck with finding the time. It's got to be here somewhere.
Supposedly Mary Halvorson is composing something for pedal steel (+ ensemble),
REALLY now that sounds interesting.
It's all in New York and we don't live there
Hey you could go to Tom's Place tonight and hear Tony Buck, Magda Mayas, and Gino Robair play. That's a pretty good lineup. Plus the Tom whose Place it is is Tom Duff of Duff's Device fame. He has a couple Oscars just, like, hanging out.
emoji to express combined sadness, resignation, and aspirations towards future friendship
¯\_(ツ)_/¯
That would be great if someone could sit on my kid. Or if I could take the kid. I'm guessing neither of those is very probable.
The kid would probably not enjoy it a lot.
You know who else liked live music. Probably best to avoid it.
178 it's 60 days, plenty of time to throw a killer pizza party then hustle some replacement funds. This thread was a very roundabout way of getting some tax advice but I dig it.
Guitar nerds did I tell my Jim Cam/pilongo story here? Lemme put a pin in that for the next tax advice thread.
And FINALLY, you can send a gif of the three dots, that never disappears. Ok I think that covers everything.
News you can use: 401(k) plans usually allow loans, usually without a time limit, call your plan administrator for details.
IRA accounts can have "indirect rollovers" -- basically take the money out and put it back within 60 days, and it's not reportable to the IRS. HOWEVER, you can only do one such transaction (on the disbursement side) in any rolling 12 month period. You can pay it back in multiple installments, as long as you do so within the 60 day window.
So, smartypantses, who among you can tell me how much of the above was in earnest and how much was just a big joke?
"Nothing Matters When We're Dancing" is good too.
But there are like 4-5 Magnetic Fields or other Stephen Merrit project albums I prefer.
He needs a better editor.
I used to think Ryan Adams needed a better editor too, but i am coming around the the view that he just forgot how to write good songs.
194.1: Isn't it at rather punishing rates, and with not great tax implications? I remember looking into the prospect a while back.
Yes. And if you lose your job, you have to pay the loan back right away. A great way to start your unemployment.
195.4: Even "Summer of 69" was that good. But Canada has laws that made people listen to him.
196: Oh yeah, I am by no means recommending that you do either. I know people (in the financial industry!) who have really fucked themselves over borrowing from their 401(k) plan. Buy and hold!
200 (number of comments, not necessarily my number, ymmv)
Okay, tax issue. We inadvertantly left my kid's SSN off our state tax return, so they sent us a bill for the amount we deducted on her behalf. We sent them her SSN according to their requirements (you don't file an amended return for this it seems), and also sent an image of her birth certificate according to requirements. They've just sent us another bill for the same amt plus penalties and interest.
Should I pay the bill while continuing to contest it and hope for a refund? I don't want a tax lien. Maybe it's a lost cause, and you forfeit the deduction if you fucked up the first time. It's not a huge amount of money and not remotely worth risking a credit hit.
I'd just send the same stuff back again. It's too early to worry about them coming after you with a lien.
Or file am amended return even though you aren't supposed to.
201 - have you tried calling the IRS? It sounds weird and like something that can't possibly be true but IME they are extremely helpful over the telephone and will talk through whatever issue you have and let you know what you have to do to comply with their requirements.
A bug just flew right into my grill and got incinerated. Wasn't evolution supposed to take care of that kind of thing?
The last time I called (this is the FTB in CA) they told me I would be on hold for "at least three hours." I had slightly better luck with "secure chat" online. But it is weird: she's five and we've legitimately claimed her every tax year since 2011, so they have records too.
Seconding 204, it is an actual joy to call the IRS because it works and they're really nice, go figure. If you get someone unreceptive call back and get someone better. I should probably try them for non-tax problems too. Or just to chat.
205: welcome to the evolutionary sausage factory!
205 you should call the IRS and ask.
I can't speak to the California agency specifically, but I do some work for the NY equivalent, and what El Tigre says about the IRS is true of NY Tax. If you can get someone on the phone, and you're an ordinary citizen with a screwup to fix, they're super helpful. (There's a flipover point where they think you're a cheat, and they get vindictive, but it's way, way out there. "I forgot to file taxes for twenty years" is still in the realm of where they'll be gentle and helpful about setting up a payment plan.)
I would suffer through the hold, figuring that California bureaucrats can't be meaner than New Yorkers.
Oh, specific question I can answer: Should I pay the bill while continuing to contest it and hope for a refund?
Read the fine print. If it were the NY forms, I'd know what they look like, but I'll bet you anything that the form they sent you tells you the answer to this -- whether you need to pay first, then contest, or whether you can not pay while contesting. And it'll give you your deadlines.
Still try to get a human on the phone to fix everything, but the paper they sent you should have complete directions for what to do next if you read all the words on them. (This sounds condescending! I don't mean it to be! The layout is often horrible, and there are explanatory paragraphs in places that your eyes skim right over.)
Yeah, I mean -- we have been in touch with them, they have been friendly and specifically helpful, and yet we just got another bill suggesting that nothing has been done. Or alternately, that they reviewed all our documentation and still think we owe money. So maybe we do just owe them money for this stupid thing. IDK!
That is confusing. Are you certain that the missing SSN was the problem? Did you talk to someone who said, "Yes, sending it in will fix this?" or is it possible that there's some different, unsolved problem?
Anyway, my instinct would be to try to get the same person on the phone again, and come at them with "Hey, it's lurid, I thought I fixed this but I have another bill. What gives?" I mean, maybe California's different, but the NY Tax people are mostly both sweethearts and competent, and they're very happy to get errors straightened out.
212 Just call the IRS even though it's completely the wrong agency; this is the only response I have to any problem now.
Or NYSDTF. They're smaller than the IRS, but they're scrappy.
I had a problem where I misread a 1099 form and entered the wrong thing, and the IRS audited me and thought I made 4x my actual income and sent me a tax bill that was half of my actual income, and I called them on the phone and they were incredibly kind, helpful, and understanding.*
I do my taxes last minute and frequently make mistakes, and they've always fixed them for me with minimal fuss, including giving me refunds I deserved where I didn't claim them.
*Seriously. They were nicer than my mom.
212
That seems unlikely, if they told you on the phone you didn't owe it. Also, shouldn't you have 90 days to pay the fine?
I am so pleased other people have found the surprising nook of delight that is phone conversations with tax agencies.
I bet the ONE thing that pisses the IRS off beyond reason is some entitled Californian calling them to bitch about the FTB. I would be put on the IRS shitlist forever and audited every three months.
Also lourdes has been handling all of this, but he is currently overseas, and I don't know who his contact was or where he put all the records. But thanks for the info. I'm sure we'll sort it out somehow.
I guess this is the most appropriate recent thread for me to say that I looked at the signup process for Bumble, but swiped left on the part about having to use Facebook to log in.
re: 192
Tell away. I like this stuff a lot.
A bug just flew right into my grill and got incinerated. Wasn't evolution supposed to take care of that kind of thing?
It just did.
He had a very post-coital look in his eyes.
A bug just flew right into my grill and got incinerated.
Gotta be careful with that foregut fermentation.
221 I'll save it for the next thread about either dates one doesn't realize are dates and brings one's dad on, pranks by bassists, or people who tell you not to save jewelry to pass on to your children because they might die.
