I wear headphones in public, mostly just for jogging.
Even if they aren't sufficiently rooted to know that somebody local hates them, aren't they afraid they won't hear a bike speeding behind them or a car turning?
Bikes usually don't use the sidewalk, and when one crosses streets, there's the time-honored technique of looking both ways.
You can't even be sure cars don't use the sidewalk here.
I went to a Catholic elementary school and always knew exactly why my teachers hated me. When I went to a public high school, I was surprised that teachers liked me.
What I'm saying is, the nuns got me.
Bikes usually don't use the sidewalk
Americocentric.
I never wear headphones, not because of the bikes (and scooters, and occasional pickup trucks) that use the sidewalks, but because I have in my bones the paranoia of growing up in a high-crime society.
I guess occasionally I wear headphones if I'm jogging, which is mostly on trails.
Yes, in Japan I picked up (since lost) the habit of looking behind me frequently on the sidewalk. I think I used headphones there too, but I was young and carefree.
I blame my society, but there are lots of idiots who do wear headphones in public there, so maybe it's just me. But they're still idiots.
I've heard multiple women say they wear headphones in public to discourage low-level street harassment and, if they're listening to something, to drown out catcalling.
I just wear my fuck-you face.
I wear earphones in public almost constantly, mostly for podcasts, sometimes for music, sometimes just because I'm tired and don't want even the possibility of engaging on the bus. I've hardly ever been coldcocked. It took me years to get to this point, though. And I constantly look behind me and around me precisely because of the lack of audio cues.
I never wear headphones, not because of the bikes (and scooters, and occasional pickup trucks) that use the sidewalks, but because I have in my bones the paranoia of growing up in a high-crime society.
Yeah, same here. I don't even look at my phone unless I'm stopped with my back to a wall (though partly this is because I don't want to be one of those self-absorbed twats who walks into people while texting).
I don't know if my teachers hated me. Except maybe the one who I eyerolled when she tried to emotionally blackmail the whole class into attending her for-profit Kumon classes.
the Elderly Texan speaks very. fucking. slowly., which I'm convinced is a form of dominance
Definitely (Obama did it, to the point where Seth Meyers IIRC had a joke about selling radio ads in the pauses between his sentences). Trump's thing is more suddenly dropping his voice so you have to keep quiet and pay attention.
13.1 was me, but here it's just unnecessary. 13 last: in the metro stations here they have poster warning about this, with some not-bad cartoons.
You really have to pay attention to get anything but the racial slurs.
It's true, the dumb people in the cartoons look more white than yellow. Their faces aren't very detailed though.
When I was growing up, I knew people who would intentionally not only leave their cars unlocked, but would disable the ignition locks so that you could start the car without a key. I'm not sure if it was a low-crime society, but it was a low-property crime society. At least the odds of stealing a car and getting away with it were small because everybody knew whose car was whose. That's how I was able to come to school nearly late and get into class on time. I could park in the crosswalk because I was driving the judge's car.
(If this is why the teacher I mention in the OP was mad at me, she had a point.)
I wear earphones in public almost constantly, mostly for podcasts, sometimes for music, sometimes just because I'm tired and don't want even the possibility of engaging on the bus.
This is me, except it's almost exclusively podcasts and not wanting to engage with strangers. I look around a lot to compensate.
If you're always looking around, how do you catch Pokemon?
I just consulted my photo album, and found what I vaguely remembered, some anti-cell-phone PSAs on the Bangkok metro, all-English. "Rest Your Eyes for Vision" and "Let's Talk To Each Other".
I don't think people dislike me much. I'm pretty good at fading into the woodwork unless I'm enjoying interacting with someone, so I think of myself as either liked or 'wait, that office is occupied'? But I may be living in a fool's paradise.
The porter in my building has mixed feelings, at best, about me, but he pretty much hates everyone -- his picture is in the dictionary next to 'miserable son of a bitch'. He does a good job, though, if you don't mind the waves of loathing he exudes as he sulks around the building. And I tip pretty well, so I figure he hates me probably no more than average.
I'm not sure if it was a low-crime society, but it was a low-property crime society.
I just read this anecdote from Jack McCallum about the 1975 Golden State Warriors championship.
Golden State owner Franklin Mieuli, a man for whom the word jaunty seems to have been invented, used to ride around the city with the championship trophy in the back of his convertible. Whenever he made a stop, he left it in the unlocked car, confident, he said, that no one would steal it. No one did.
I don't listen to audio media (music, podcasts, etc.) much in general, and definitely don't wear headphones in public. I bike and have had enough accidents to want to be cautious. On foot, Nothing scary has happened to me in my neighborhood personally, but still, it's rough enough that it seems reasonable to stay alert. I'm distracted often enough by reading or playing games on phone anyway that adding headphones would really be begging for trouble.
the Elderly Texan speaks very. fucking. slowly.
Elderly rural person? Elderly conservative? Elderly overweight person? I've definitely heard it from one or two people in Vermont. I never realized how much that annoyed me until you mentioned it. In hindsight, I was young and kind of spineless the last time I saw some of those people, so I felt obliged to consider that they had some meaningful insight they'd get to eventually. They never did.
Newt definitely attracts a certain amount of dislike -- if you're the sort of adult who's capable of being irritated by a teenager who thinks he knows everything, he's a very visible specimen of the type. Adults who are secure about their own intellectual prowess, and who are willing to make merciless fun of him, are usually very fond of him, so I'm not worried about him that much.
Elderly overweight person?
Penciled in for 2036.
Headphones on the train are what make my insane commute possible. On the occasions when I forget them at home, I go ballistic inside. I wear them walking down the greenway at night too, but I look behind me rather frequently.
In college I had difficulties with my assigned roommate, and we went to the dorm's resident head to mediate. The conclusion of the mediation was that she turned to me and said: you know, people in life are going to dislike you, and you just have to live with it. You can't expect everyone to like you. Apparently her "dislike" for me was a lower energy state than mere indifference, which blew my mind. (The RH was also impressed by this, and apologized to me privately, because clearly I had tried.)
I'm not sure exactly how many intense antipathies I've had in my adult life, but at least 5? 6? I'm sure there are people who dislike me at work. Actually, the more I think about this, the longer the list gets, which is demoralizing. I should have more power in general if I have the power to piss off so many people. This thread will end with a ranking of most to least disagreeable commenters, I trust?
I don't wear headphones in public, but then again, I don't wear them in private either.
I don't think any neighbors or coworkers hate me. My sense is that at most they are just barely aware that I exist.
I've decided to mute my sister permanently, so she hates me for definite. But that was basically the case anyway, and siblings don't count, right?
Oh, and numerous students! I don't know their names, because I'm barely aware of their existence.
Unless your mom used Thalidomide, they can probably count to ten.
These brats would eat Thalidomide if you told them not to.
Is it just sitting around to grab there?
Presumably not. But the point could be proved with bleach, say, or those little dehumidifying packets that say "DO NOT EAT" in six languages.
I have a cow-orker who I think clearly dislikes me and is also one of the rudest people I've ever worked with.
38 And one of the quickest ways of having something get back to management is to tell her or say it within her earshot.
I think I am more 'observing' than the norm, such that it's really awkward when me and one other person looking around the bus make very brief eye contact. My dog is the same way so we've definitely walked up to a new object with the same body language of 'here is something new. will it hurt?'. That said, I wear headphones in public constantly. People are the worst and sometimes they talk to you. Ugh. I mean sure, it's fun to make up stories about who a couple is or try to decide what century someone would look best in but I don't want to like, interact with them. I've never had someone sneak up on me but I regularly get unwanted to scary interactions (street harassment).
I had a teacher hate me when I was in Grade 4 due to my mom asking for extra work for me. Later my mom taught with her and found out she was going through a divorce that year. But holy shit. That year messed me up so much and I had no idea why. Glad to know the whole thing was completely forgettable to the teacher (/sarcasm).
I wish I was more hate-able. I feel like I've tamped down all my rough edges and gotten really sensitive to how people think about me and/or the situation. I find myself laughing awkwardly more often than I'd like when I'm really mad or annoyed in a stereotypical female way. My anger and associated cutting remarks are what made me hate-able.
Have you mentioned her rudeness?
I wear headphones in public, but I'm very careful to remove one earpiece or take them off altogether whenever I'm in a "someone might jump me" situation.
I had a close call the other week, when I got off at the wrong station, alone, late and night and there was a nutter on the platform. As in, a huge skinhead, throwing things around and screaming obscenities. He then walked really really close to me as the train was approaching and I was pretty sure he was considering pushing me in front of it. I casually slightly rotated by body so any push would go into my shoulder, not my back, and I'd be pushed at an angle (or have the option to rotate into something else). He didn't push.
I have a neighbor who hates me, but then, he hates almost everyone he has ever interacted with. He may not hate the people he hasn't interacted with yet.
44: Don't make me send Standpipe to your house.
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Barry, that piece on Gulf political economy you linked the other day was good, but really didn't sell me on the Arrakis outpost plan.
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I wear headphones in public, but often not listening to anything (and sometimes not even attached to anything, which probably makes me look a little nuts). I find them incredibly helpful for lessening the really unpleasant sirens and subway noise of city life. It makes otherwise unbearably noisy and grating environments much more tolerable.
I don't think they prevent me from knowing what's going on any more than my normal level of abstractedness (which to be fair can be pretty extreme, especially in low-threat business districts -- the fact that I haven't been a victim of petty crime is probably a function of luck more than attentiveness).
What has me irked right now is that I can't seem to find any kind of headphone that is good at making the listener on a phone conversation not have to hear the background noise of wherever I am. I am halfheartedly hoping that the "Hushmouth" crowdfunded invention will actually work. I don't carry how silly it makes me look; it would be great to be able to have a conference call in an airport without having to constantly mute and/or apologize for background noise.
It was much louder there than here. I figured people just got used to it.
Our neighborhood, a diverse BART-swarming bedroom community, is also very friendly and open, which I did not expect and which is fantastic. I love exchanging pleasantries and backyard produce with the neighbors. I'd trust a reasonable number of them to keep an eye on my daughter in an emergency. The fact that it's a mixture of renters and owners (some owners also landlords for some renters) might help to keep the property-dispute thing pretty chill. I still don't exactly feel at home here, but the role I've been given to play is one I generally like.
43: The one-ear-out for times that require more situational awareness is something I do a lot, too. Sometimes I make a show of doing it, so they know I know etc.
49: That's another good point: headphones, even non-noise cancelling ones, help to reduce city noise. But I think it's a good habit generally on a conference call to always be muted when you aren't talking. Even just noise you make accidentally can get broadcast and be annoying in a group. That Hushmouth looks interesting, but like it might pick up breathing?
I do like where I live for 'community', especially since xelA started school, it's been quite noticeable. We had a night out for the Dads of the kids who started school this year, which got very drunken indeed, and about 1/3 or more of all of the Dads for that year at school turned up. It was also noticeable what a mixed group it was, in terms of race/age/religion*/class.
* culminating in about 10 of us sneaking back to on ostensibly 'Moslem' guy's house to drink his whisky without waking his kids.
I'm pretty much 49.1; wearing in-ear, noise-reducing (not cancelling) earphones is pretty much the only way I can bear to live in the city; I have some weird auditory central-processing issues that make noise extremely irritating. As often as not, I have either nothing playing, or nature sounds, rather than music or podcasts. And being able to pretend not to hear people who want your attention can be a big plus in a busy city, too (I work in a high-chugger zone).
On the other hand, I'm hyper-vigilant visually, especially at night, watching for shadows from behind, taking a wide berth around corners/alleys, etc., even though these days I never go anywhere that calls for this level of caution. Way back in my tender youth I moved to a city for the first time amidst a rash of gay bashings in my neighbourhood, and this do-gooder ex-military guy taught a bunch of us wide-eyed, nervous little homos from the hood how to avoid being bashed, and I guess it stuck through all these years.
There's one guy in my neighborhood, or rather married couple, about whom I wonder a tiny bit if they dislike us. Nothing overt, just being less warm and welcoming than I think our multiple points of common ground would make reasonable. Of course, maybe I should reach out to them more often, but anyways. At work, I can think of one guy who might hate me at the moment because it looks to him like I've really been dragging my feet about doing my job. (Maybe a little bit, but there are reasons.) Can't think of anything else like that, professionally or socially in the past 10+ years. If anyone out there is harboring antipathy towards me, I'm oblivious to it.
I once thought somebody was harboring antipasta toward me, but it turned out they were just carrying home some olives and cheese.
You know that would have been marginally funnier if you'd written "antipasti," right?
I still haven't internalized the lesson about how people will dislike you. There have to be reasons! There have to be remedies! And yet I have been trying so hard to sincerely like my rambling, hypersensitive colleague, and the closest I have gotten is "generally friendly and pleasant, sometimes standoffish." I suspect she worries about where she stands with me, and I genuinely wish I could reassure her, but because I also wish she didn't need reassurance on this and many other points... it's hard.
There have to be reasons!
Would it help if you visualized yourself in a barn with an extremely dexterous spider writing "Go Fuck Yourself" over your head?
More than I already do, you mean?
Why are even taking Remedial Antipathy then?
When they get around to remaking Charlotte's Web, they should hire Moby as a writer.
62: there's a limit to what I can do inside a barn.
63: Charlotte's Meme
63: In Moby's Web there will be none of that "Some Pig", "Terrific", "Radiant" and "Humble". The web will just read, "Bacon".
try to decide what century someone would look best in
best game ever! I actually have a hard time thinking of many people who hate/hated me...ex-landlord who began as a friend...my former business partner would have some pretty choice words I think. hm. I'm probably just wrongly convinced of my own likeableness.
actually I have the reverse in the form of a new...lovesick doesn't cut it really, maybe unnervingly obsessive friend who's still ensconced at the Not OK-Corral. I'm just emailing with him. I really am very fond of him; he's a smart person and opened up to me from his initial closed-door junkie-withdrawal state to an animated, funny guy. he's only 26 and I am worried about his chances staying clean/sober. a bunch of dope and a fifth of jack a day is a tough job.
speaking of which I myself am free from the Not OK-Corral and allowed to do whatever I want, within reason. perhaps I'll go generate unwarranted enmities at target. I appear to be pretty sane, loving the lithium and its adorably tiny nature, no desire to hurt myself. however there's still not going to be anyone who hates me more than me; that just makes sense.
I wear headphones in public but that's partly because to do so while walking under a highway overpass at 2 am in narnia is a reasonable proposition.
if you're the sort of adult who's capable of being irritated by a teenager who thinks he knows everything, he's a very visible specimen of the type
I very much enjoyed watching my know-it-all 6 year old son get out-know-it-all'ed by a 10 year old girl. The subject was a giant praying mantis ("IT'S NOT A WALKING BUG," they chorused) and they "well-actually'd" each other for several factoids before she burned him.
Oops. "Stick Bug" I meant for them to chorus.
"Bats aren't bugs!"
67: Glad the Li is doing the trick and that you've been sprung. Did they pinpoint the cause of the most recent episode, like it was the adjusting meds, and you just had to make it through the transition? Or do they just shrug and "I don't know"?
...and allowed to do whatever I want, within reason.
That's all I ever get allowed to do also.
Like pretending that a pig can write words using spider web.
74: heebie! it's the spider that can write! the pig is simple.
Lots of people hate divorce lawyers. I operate on the theory that most won't try to shoot me. But I grew up with the idea that a shooter might be out there/death threats so Ive learned to be fairly aware of my surroundings.
Ive lived all my life here so otherwise my story is prob similar to Moby's.
Glad to hear that things are better, alameida.
71: it seems as if it was a reaction between the rexulti, which inhibits the metabolism of cymbalta, and the fact that I'm a poor metabolizer of cymbalta to begin with, and the additional fact that we gave a bump to the rexulti at one point multiplying the effect, so that I was getting 4-5x the proposed dose of cymbalta. I just tweaked out completely into a manic state, plus akathisia, which developed into me banging myself into doorframes and such, and then self-harm generally. the creepy thing is how effective it is at relieving stress. hopefully that won't be a worry going forward. I have a "rescue pack" which is awesome, designed to be taken if I were going into a manic state, consisting of a shit ton of seroquel and a likewise shit ton of ativan. you sleep for a day and wake up not manic. so great and stress-relieving just to have it as a back-up notion. it works on a mixed state too.
78: Are your kids from the wrong vintage (and maybe childhood milieu) for Diego's Rescue Pack earworm? If not, I recommend having a song to go with it because why not?
We have a Diego school backpack in the basement. I'm going to move the first aid supplies into it right now.
the Elderly Texan speaks very. fucking. slowly., which I'm convinced is a form of dominance, because they're demanding that you stand there silently with a perky expression on your face for as long as they please.
This made me laugh out loud. I don't believe I've ever been addressed by the Elderly Texan, but I'm pretty sure heebie has perfectly captured this conversational dynamic.
63 I'm available as a script doctor, here's a short sample:
Would it help if you visualized yourself in a barn with an extremely dexterous spider writing "Go Fuck Yourself" "Fuck You, Clown" over your head?
Yay alameida!
I'm impressed how dogged you were in making sure you got the help you knew you needed. The self-harm was real and scary but your sense of self-preservation was realer still and kicked butt.
48 Fortunately for them they can keep pumping that gas field for about another 120 years at current rates.
Also enormous sovereign wealth fund though last month the Economist reported they'd spent down about 11% of it during the first 5 months of the crisis to cushion the local economy. That's not a sustainable rate, though I have a feeling much of that was in initial set-up costs for sourcing, rerouting supply chains and the like.
86: Sure. Though being the only one in the neighborhood who isn't going bankrupt won't be so great either.
Ignoring the last few dozen comments (except to say Yay alameida):
When I was younger, I made a point of not wearing earphones because I wanted to be open to experiencing the world, man. Then the iPod came out, which was so much less hassle than Walkmen, and that was that.
I've had at least a couple friends admonish me not to bike with earphones in, but I honestly can hear my surroundings pretty well with them in, even at decent volume. I can literally say that, in a thousand-plus annual miles of riding over the past 9 years*, I've been surprised by a car passing me a couple dozen times. Walking is a bit different, because other sidewalk denizens are mostly quieter than cars and trucks, but the point remains: I don't feel isolated listening to music while out and about.
I assume more people hate me than I know, simply because I'm not aware of anyone who does. I was surprised late in college to learn that a classmate hated me, which took me aback, but he went to Choate, so I found him easy to dismiss. In general, my assumptions are that almost nobody likes (or is especially aware of) me, but also nobody hates me. I don't really believe the first one anymore, because AB taught me social self esteem, but it's still a background default.
* I actually never rode while listening to the iPod for whatever reason. I think it was just big and heavy enough, while the iPhone is not
I'm distracted often enough by reading or playing games on phone anyway that adding headphones would really be begging for trouble.
Ah. When I'm walking, I'm almost never looking at my device, so the ears are a secondary sense. The only consistent exception is the morning after putting Kai on the bus, when the dog and I go to the neighborhood park and I check on FB if the bus was early enough that I didn't get through it while waiting. But that's about as harmless a time/place as there could be.
Yay, alameida! I was just thinking of you.
Kids today don't know how lucky they are not having to buy 8,000 AA batteries plus carry a huge bunch of cassettes if they want to listen to music.
I use one earbud walking around. Never both earbuds. It doesn't work for all music but it works for all podcasts/audiobooks.
I am pretty sure I hate way, way more people than hate me. My neighbors might hate me because I have a bunch of kid toys and stuff in the paved side yard. Lee certainly does, and my mom, but they're kind of a given for everything.
Great news, al! And I love the idea of a rescue remedy that simply knocks you out for 24 hours, and you wake full of the joys of spring, waggling a little fluffy white tail.
Glad you seem to have got the help you needed, alameida.
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The actual deeds of Louis C.K. might be about to drop, specifically via the NYT. The premiere of his cinematic apologia for Woody Allen has been cancelled "in case [the story] is damaging".
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I have one neighbor who hates me (and PI pretty much hate him). Immediately came to mind when I heard the potential property aspect of the Rand Paul thing.
My daughter pointed out that even beyond the vicious tackling the potential addition of guns to those kind of neighbor disputes feels very threatening to her. It is a concern. Have about half-dozen deplorable neighbors of one kind or the other who are all well-armed.
I have one neighbor who hates me (and PI pretty much hate him). Immediately came to mind when I heard the potential property aspect of the Rand Paul thing.
My daughter pointed out that even beyond the vicious tackling the potential addition of guns to those kind of neighbor disputes feels very threatening to her. It is a concern. Have about half-dozen deplorable neighbors of one kind or the other who are all well-armed.