did someone muck with the backend here

Re: Teeniest of Ants

1

Did you check the cabling?


Posted by: Mossy Character | Link to this comment | 04-23-18 1:06 PM
horizontal rule
2

Couldn't they have just smelled it?


Posted by: Minivet | Link to this comment | 04-23-18 1:07 PM
horizontal rule
3

Spontaneous generation!


Posted by: peep | Link to this comment | 04-23-18 1:24 PM
horizontal rule
4

what brought those crumbs and mustard to that plate
then steered the tiny ants to their fate
what but design of heebie to enthrall
if design govern in a thing at all


Posted by: fake accent | Link to this comment | 04-23-18 1:25 PM
horizontal rule
5

They're wandering over your desk one at a time, constantly, but they're so small you don't notice. When there's food, the scout finds it and goes back to the source to tell the rest, and then you notice when there are lots.


Posted by: LizardBreath | Link to this comment | 04-23-18 1:26 PM
horizontal rule
6

The ants live in the ceiling, and drop down on your desk when they see food?

The ants live in your sandwich? That's why you didn't have any on your plate, you ate those.

Your desk is made of ants?

Your custodian is ants?

The ants are all in your head?


Posted by: jms | Link to this comment | 04-23-18 1:39 PM
horizontal rule
7

4 is great.


Posted by: peep | Link to this comment | 04-23-18 1:39 PM
horizontal rule
8

6 is cruel.


Posted by: peep | Link to this comment | 04-23-18 1:51 PM
horizontal rule
9

5: but last month I did notice them, one at a time. They're pretty easy to see on the desk.


Posted by: heebie-geebie | Link to this comment | 04-23-18 1:59 PM
horizontal rule
10

6.1 is my hypothesis.


Posted by: heebie-geebie | Link to this comment | 04-23-18 2:00 PM
horizontal rule
11

Your custodian is ants?

Frank Herbert wrote about that scenario

The ants are all in your head?

And Phillip K. Dick was all over this scenario, but substituted aphids.

(I like the link in the latter, which assures us that no aphids were harmed in the making of the movie.)


Posted by: politicalfootball | Link to this comment | 04-23-18 2:26 PM
horizontal rule
12

Does your school have an entomology department? Would someone there be willing to come explain your tiny ants to you?


Posted by: Megan | Link to this comment | 04-23-18 2:28 PM
horizontal rule
13

And you to your tiny ants.


Posted by: Moby Hick | Link to this comment | 04-23-18 2:59 PM
horizontal rule
14

That's not how entomology works.


Posted by: Megan | Link to this comment | 04-23-18 3:00 PM
horizontal rule
15

Only because they're lazy.


Posted by: Moby Hick | Link to this comment | 04-23-18 3:03 PM
horizontal rule
16

The entomologists are lazy, not the ants.


Posted by: Moby Hick | Link to this comment | 04-23-18 3:45 PM
horizontal rule
17

They aren't therapists, Moby.


Posted by: Megan | Link to this comment | 04-23-18 4:12 PM
horizontal rule
18

Ants?


Posted by: Moby Hick | Link to this comment | 04-23-18 4:14 PM
horizontal rule
19

They've never asked me for $25, at least.


Posted by: Moby Hick | Link to this comment | 04-23-18 4:21 PM
horizontal rule
20


We've got tiny ants also. Just in the bathroom (where there is NO food, obviously) and in my writing corner, where there is seldom food (coffee and sometimes oranges).

Maybe they aren't ants. Maybe they are tiny spy drones.


Posted by: delagar | Link to this comment | 04-23-18 5:53 PM
horizontal rule
21

where there is NO food, obviously

Why is that obvious? Is everybody else better at cleaning up the crumbs from the shower croissant than I am?


Posted by: Moby Hick | Link to this comment | 04-23-18 5:59 PM
horizontal rule
22

Maybe everyone has tiny ants and heebie's are just bigger than usual because Texas, and therefore visible.


Posted by: ajay | Link to this comment | 04-23-18 5:59 PM
horizontal rule
23

Is everybody else better at cleaning up the crumbs from the shower croissant than I am?

We mash them down through the drain with our feet. #dansavage


Posted by: ajay | Link to this comment | 04-23-18 6:00 PM
horizontal rule
24

I have always called the tiny ants "sugar ants" but that may just be a childhood artifact untethered to any existing taxonomy.


Posted by: apostropher | Link to this comment | 04-23-18 6:12 PM
horizontal rule
25

"Diabetes ants"?


Posted by: Moby Hick | Link to this comment | 04-23-18 6:56 PM
horizontal rule
26

I may have mentioned this before, but one summer I agreed to check in on the apartment of some friends who were away. It was on the second floor and I noticed a steady stream of ants going up the (outdoor) stairs. I got to the door and I saw the trail ran right under the door into my friends' apartment.

I figured maybe one of them had killed the other before leaving and the corpse ants were at work. It turned out they had left a basket of apples on the kitchen counter.


Posted by: Moby Hick | Link to this comment | 04-23-18 7:18 PM
horizontal rule
27

The ants hadn't found the corpse yet.


Posted by: Moby Hick | Link to this comment | 04-23-18 7:42 PM
horizontal rule
28

I cannot recommend highly enough Empire of the Ants by Bernard Werber. A kind of pulpy SF novel written from an ant's perspective. Apparently half the book is a dumb story about humans but I have zero recollection of any of that. Ants, ants, ants. Awesome. And you can read it in half an afternoon.


Posted by: Ignatz | Link to this comment | 04-24-18 3:56 AM
horizontal rule
29

where there is NO food, obviously

Having played SimAnt, I can tell you there is enough ant food everywhere to support a whole nest.


Posted by: DaveLMA | Link to this comment | 04-24-18 4:48 AM
horizontal rule
30

all under the plate. (But not on the plate, with the crumbs).

Maybe they were planning to carry the whole plate back to the nest.


Posted by: AcademicLurker | Link to this comment | 04-24-18 5:14 AM
horizontal rule
31

1 is probably right. They're living in the computer or the copier or something.


Posted by: Moby Hick | Link to this comment | 04-24-18 5:19 AM
horizontal rule
32

I mean, 5 makes the most sense. But I guess I have to allow 9 as disproving it.


Posted by: Moby Hick | Link to this comment | 04-24-18 5:41 AM
horizontal rule
33

I remember living in the deep south and there would be these big cauldrons of ants living in the ground. My neighbor would dump a big pot of boiling water on them.


Posted by: Moby Hick | Link to this comment | 04-24-18 5:46 AM
horizontal rule
34

If all you have is boiling water, every problem looks like a cauldron.


Posted by: Ginger Yellow | Link to this comment | 04-24-18 5:58 AM
horizontal rule
35

Or a kettle.


Posted by: Moby Hick | Link to this comment | 04-24-18 6:01 AM
horizontal rule
36

IF ALL YOU ARE IS LAZY EVERY PROBLEM LOOKS LIKE A WAND.


Posted by: OPINIONATED PROFESSOR SNAPE | Link to this comment | 04-24-18 6:02 AM
horizontal rule
37

If all you have is the German army, every problem looks like a kessel.


Posted by: Mossy Character | Link to this comment | 04-24-18 6:04 AM
horizontal rule
38

If you don't have the German army and you try fascism, you wind up working for the Russians instead of beating them.


Posted by: Moby Hick | Link to this comment | 04-24-18 6:07 AM
horizontal rule
39

If all you have is a bankrupt hotel franchise, every problem looks like a money-laundering opportunity.


Posted by: Mossy Character | Link to this comment | 04-24-18 6:09 AM
horizontal rule
40

Last night one of my cats vomited on the kitchen window sill. This morning? Cat vomit swarming with ants.

I'm about ready to seek professional help.


Posted by: delagar | Link to this comment | 04-24-18 6:14 AM
horizontal rule
41

Last night one of my cats vomited on the kitchen window sill. This morning? Cat vomit swarming with ants.

I'm about ready to seek professional help.


Posted by: delagar | Link to this comment | 04-24-18 6:14 AM
horizontal rule
42

If you do have the German army and you try fascism, one third of you winds up working for the Russians and rest of you winds up being really good at soccer.


Posted by: Mossy Character | Link to this comment | 04-24-18 6:15 AM
horizontal rule
43

If you have a cat that knows enough to vomit somewhere away from carpet, you should just call it a win.


Posted by: Moby Hick | Link to this comment | 04-24-18 6:16 AM
horizontal rule
44

Cats can lift 5,000 times their own body weight, so you need to be careful.


Posted by: Moby Hick | Link to this comment | 04-24-18 6:43 AM
horizontal rule
45

The cat seems to be doing a pretty good job of vomiting without help.


Posted by: Ginger Yellow | Link to this comment | 04-24-18 7:03 AM
horizontal rule
46

HORRIBLE TRICKY BEASTS.


Posted by: OPINIONATED THOR | Link to this comment | 04-24-18 7:12 AM
horizontal rule
47

I have always called the tiny ants "sugar ants" but that may just be a childhood artifact untethered to any existing taxonomy.

That's what the custodian called them, too.


Posted by: heebie-geebie | Link to this comment | 04-24-18 7:52 AM
horizontal rule
48

I didn't even know ants could have custodians.


Posted by: Moby Hick | Link to this comment | 04-24-18 8:12 AM
horizontal rule
49

If you weren't so easily bored, I'd suggest this: wait for the ants to clear, then one day set out some food and watch until an ant arrives. Follow it as it goes to tell the colony. Bug spray the shit out of the hole he uses, then seal it. Done. Until they find another hole. Repeat.


Posted by: ogged | Link to this comment | 04-24-18 11:35 AM
horizontal rule
50

No. You set ant poison at the hole, which the ants collect and carry back to their nest, where it will be eaten by, and poison, not just the ants but also their wife and children. If you're going to chemwar, chemwar like you mean it.


Posted by: Mossy Character | Link to this comment | 04-24-18 12:01 PM
horizontal rule
51

I had some of those tiny ants in my place in Fez. They got into my honey. It was really good honey. I ate those ants.


Posted by: Barry Freed | Link to this comment | 04-24-18 12:09 PM
horizontal rule
52

Why was there honey in your hat?


Posted by: Moby Hick | Link to this comment | 04-24-18 12:10 PM
horizontal rule
53

If they had been locusts, you would have returned with a higher calling.


Posted by: Mossy Character | Link to this comment | 04-24-18 12:12 PM
horizontal rule
54

I've had ants in the kitchen a couple of winters, and find that "Terro Liquid Ant Baits" seems to work pretty well. Works as Mossy describes.


Posted by: | Link to this comment | 04-24-18 12:57 PM
horizontal rule
55

Shoulda said that the key is boric acid, and from what I read online, you can make your own "ant bait" with borax (or boric acid) and confectioner's sugar. I tried that, and it .... (ahem) didn't work. Hardly any ants came and took the bait. Not sure why. But these ant baits did the trick, and how.


Posted by: Chetan Murthy | Link to this comment | 04-24-18 12:58 PM
horizontal rule
56

Yes. We tried it too, when I was a kid. You need the kind from the store.


Posted by: Moby Hick | Link to this comment | 04-24-18 12:59 PM
horizontal rule
57

Even the boric acid traps from the store don't work here, at least on the dominant ants, the Argentine ants that are part of the inter-continental trans-oceanic 10,000 square mile global Argentine ant supercolony and don't truly have a single "queen" to kill. You gotta bring in the professionals. Also (according to my ant guy) the Argentine guys aren't even particularly attracted to food, they come in largely because they like the climate in human houses, so you can be as clean as possible and it does no good. I think I chronicled my ant struggles here before, nothing works except men with chemical sprayers on their backs.


Posted by: Robert Halford | Link to this comment | 04-24-18 1:09 PM
horizontal rule
58

Like I said. Ants do not call for half-measures. Motherfuckers are organized.


Posted by: Mossy Character | Link to this comment | 04-24-18 1:13 PM
horizontal rule
59

You might think it would be cool to have members of "by far most populous known animal society" in your house but I assure you it is not.


Posted by: Robert Halford | Link to this comment | 04-24-18 1:34 PM
horizontal rule
60

There's a vicious war happening on American soil between two supercolonies of Argentine ants, billions of casualties every day. One of the few examples I know about of fatal intraspecies warfare outside primates.

Travel to where the other army lives, bring back a queen, install in a nearby park. Maybe several queens.


Posted by: lw | Link to this comment | 04-24-18 1:47 PM
horizontal rule
61

Looking at ant papers now, I see this:
Wax on, wax off: nest soil facilitates indirect transfer of recognition cues between ant nestmates.

Authors are Danish.


Posted by: lw | Link to this comment | 04-24-18 2:35 PM
horizontal rule
62

Of all the creatures which share our homes, ants are the ones least known to humans. At least in the Biblical sense.


Posted by: Moby Hick | Link to this comment | 04-24-18 2:44 PM
horizontal rule
63

"where it will be eaten by, and poison, not just the ants but also their wife and children."

Sisters, nieces and nephews, given that ants are eusocial.


Posted by: ajay | Link to this comment | 04-24-18 5:22 PM
horizontal rule
64

Easy way to remember is simply to keep muttering "most ants are aunts, most ants are aunts".


Posted by: ajay | Link to this comment | 04-24-18 5:23 PM
horizontal rule
65

wait no that's wrong, or at least not always right.


Posted by: ajay | Link to this comment | 04-24-18 5:24 PM
horizontal rule
66

I was trying to figure out a joke along the lines of "on my way to St. Andrews, I met an ant with a hundred thousand sisters, nieces, and nephews" and so I googled the original to doublecheck the phrasing and found our own m/tch m/lls answering questions here!


Posted by: heebie-geebie | Link to this comment | 04-24-18 5:50 PM
horizontal rule
67

OT: Apparently, all the sex in Canada was taken up by "Chad" and all the sex for Armenians by the Kardashians.


Posted by: Moby Hick | Link to this comment | 04-24-18 6:28 PM
horizontal rule
68

64: Have I ever told the story about being an editorial intern at a science fiction magazine in the late eighties, responsible for packaging up slush-pile submissions and sending them back in their SSAEs? We had a nutcase who submitted several stories a week and would get cross if he didn't get a timely rejection letter for each individually.

I once opened a letter of complaint from him, noting that while we had rejected his submission of "The Ant's Aunts", and also his story "The Aunt's Ants", he had received no response whatsoever to his equally valuable work, "ANTS! ANTS!"


Posted by: LizardBreath | Link to this comment | 04-24-18 6:56 PM
horizontal rule
69

OK that is awesome


Posted by: Robert Halford | Link to this comment | 04-24-18 7:00 PM
horizontal rule
70

Was it a trilogy?


Posted by: Moby Hick | Link to this comment | 04-24-18 7:02 PM
horizontal rule
71

68 is great.


Posted by: Barry Freed | Link to this comment | 04-24-18 7:11 PM
horizontal rule
72

to put 63 more briefly: ants aren't gentlemen.


Posted by: ajay | Link to this comment | 04-24-18 7:34 PM
horizontal rule
73

So great.


Posted by: heebie-geebie | Link to this comment | 04-24-18 7:41 PM
horizontal rule
74

68 is funny. In my dialect it doesn't work. But I can read it the way it's intended.


Posted by: md 20/400 | Link to this comment | 04-24-18 7:56 PM
horizontal rule
75

68 I'm sure they were pretty bad but I would have been very tempted to read some of those stories.


Posted by: Barry Freed | Link to this comment | 04-24-18 7:58 PM
horizontal rule
76

So, in AZ, the Republicans came out of the mail vote with only a six point lead. I think that's a good sign.


Posted by: Moby Hick | Link to this comment | 04-24-18 8:03 PM
horizontal rule
77

Of course, they already called it for the Republican.


Posted by: Moby Hick | Link to this comment | 04-24-18 8:08 PM
horizontal rule
78

They're living in the computer or the copier or something.

ANSI encoding strikes again.


Posted by: fake accent | Link to this comment | 04-24-18 10:13 PM
horizontal rule
79

They're living in the computer or the copier or something

You're thinking of bugs.

ANSI encoding strikes again.

You're thinking of spiders.


Posted by: ajay | Link to this comment | 04-24-18 10:48 PM
horizontal rule
80

ANSI C, ANSI Do


Posted by: fake accent | Link to this comment | 04-24-18 11:26 PM
horizontal rule