I feel like I should have something clever to say here. The thing is, I've been really struggling with depression (and boredom), so I'm torn between wanting my whole life outsourced and knowing I'd be bored to death with even less to do.
I would have several robots take macrodoses so that I could see what I'm like after I break on through to the other side. Though Sid Barrett probably provides much of an answer.
I think that only living once among other people is a pretty essential part of being human-- imagining worlds where consequences are diminished or opportunities are amplified is IMO an error. Allowing nondestructive avenues in life that are much more constrained and less forgiving than the easier choices is better for growth, I think. I don't particularly do this, and am often disattisfied with myself.
Those robots could solve trolley problems, but could they solve more than they cause?
particularly the spelling and grammar parts of myslef
I kept expecting heebie to say she would have the robot post on Unfogged.
Can God contrive a trolley problem such that even God cannot choose an outcome?
Perhaps this vale of tears is one such effort.
We will never understand each other. A robot can take my showers from my cold dead hands.
5: Obviously the robot does the FPPs and Heebie still comments herself.
If the robot could just write my papers and house/chore stuff I would be so so happy. I might even still do the dishes myself, I really just want it to deal with house upkeep/emergencies and take care of mail and clothes clutter.
This seemed like a nightmare scenario for me - one night Ayelet is tired so she sends her robot to have sex with Michael. Michael goes on and on about how this was the best sex ever, and doesn't understand why the sex they have the next morning isn't nearly as transcendent.
But I'm pretty sure I've read this short story.
If you had a robot that could have sex with somebody better than you can, why couldn't you just have sex with that robot yourself?
As I think through my answer, I realize I'm just a goddamn housecat.
I deeply sympathize with this.
A housecat! Of course, that's why she's giving up her showers.
Obviously, have the robot build you a cob house.
I would love to outsource my commute. I mean, that's less having a robot and more having a teleporter, but somehow the two hours a day on the subway has gotten more and more wearysome over the years.
I don't see one needs a "somehow" in there.
Weeding Bermuda grass. Picking cherry tomatoes (but not the large tomatoes, and I would normally try to avoid planting cherry tomatoes in favor of big tomatoes but the team I sent for the starts came back with more cherry tomato plants than I would have). Definitely weeding Bermuda grass. Folding laundry and putting it away, but not hanging it on the line.
Actually, I quite like fantasizing about being able to use the implant personality module that Marid Audran uses to do boring routine work without thinking about it in the George Alec Effinger novel A Fire In The Sun. In fact, if I had that, I'd say my life would be pretty much perfect.
I think I would delegate everything that isn't standing in a strong-but-reasonable wind looking at great big brilliant-but-not-quite-blinding white clouds.
17: I didn't use to think about minding it the same way I do now.
Isn't the end state everybody dying of infected bed sores while their robots fuck?
No, the nurses' robots will keep them clean for us.
Ooh, this is fun. We just hired a house cleaner, but I didn't do any of that in the first place. I wonder whether it will be as amazing as we hope it will. I'd like a robot to cook weeknight dinners, which are becoming an increasing drag. I like cooking, but I hate when I run late and we don't eat until 9 because I planned something semi-involved and the boyfriend hates take-out. And yard work. I would outsource all the yardwork. I keep trying to figure out how to hire someone whose job is "weed the gardens. No new plantings, no landscaping. Just weed." I like the rest of my life pretty well and would probably keep most of it.
So, the question is, what would we do with the clone slaves we keep in a cupboard? Emancipate them maybe?
I admit that I have trouble contemplating spending two hours a day commuting.
Good thing Asimov is dead, or his robots would figure out better ways to game the Laws and kill us all.
I would have my robots call Republican political organizations to ask for jobs that will pay my wife more than $200,000.
27: It's been a really good decision for the kids, for my career, in terms of real estate -- any way to set up my life to avoid the commute would have meant either leaving NYC or being wildly overstretched in terms of paying for living space. But I've been doing it for a very long time now.
I realize far more people have a commute that long than have one like mine, which is one of two reasons I've never taken an offer to leave Pittsburgh.
I have a vague dislike for Ayelet Waldman, but can't really remember where it comes from or even who she is, other than that she is married to Michael Chabon, whom I also have an ambient dislike for, maybe because he's super into comic books and that's annoying? Who knows. Maybe I can have a robot get to the bottom of my vague and ambient prejudices. Sometimes they turn out to be helpful, like with someone else who came up on Unfogged recently and turned out to be bad but whom I've already forgotten.
Hold out a bit longer and you'll be golden when everything south of the park floods permanently.
Or maybe you'll be fucked. I don't know what topography you live on.
It was the dud who did the Stanford prison experiment. Whose name I too have forgotten.
Wait, is this a thought exercise designed to elicit "what would you pay people to do if you had enough money and/or use slaves for if you had slaves"? I mean, housecleaning, most cooking, and yard work, obvs, or what people with money pay servants to do or people with slaves make them do.
I think the point is for you to optimize your own schedule for self-fulfillment.
Depends on your definition of successful detonation, I guess.
So they're all my best self but they're okay with being locked in a closet at the whim of someone like them but less so?
You went to grad school, no?
37: But you can't really just hire somebody to build you a cob house and have it be the same as one you build yourself. The point of building it yourself is you can build it somewhere so remote you can't get machinery of the kind that people you would hire would use. But the robot can build it anywhere.
This thread was more fun before I noticed it wasn't "microdosing LDS."
I bet contractors would work without machinery if you paid them enough. I think you might find the work progressing rather slowly though.
I don't know. You'd need somebody to basically go live in the woods to build an off-the-grid cob house for you.
I think the point is for you to optimize your own schedule for self-fulfillment.
Right, I'm waffling between two versions of the question. One is, "what tasks do you find unpleasant and would like to pass off to somebody else?" (yardwork is the first thing to come to mind). The other is, "what things do you do primarily to satisfy other people such that if the other people could be satisfied without you needing to do anything you would be happier?" That's a much tougher question to answer -- there are many things that I do which I am not excited about but which have value to other people but, for most of those, I do take satisfaction from the fact that I am the person providing that value. It would be hard to give them up.
I WOULD DIVIDE MY ROBOTS INTO "PRISONERS" AND "GUARDS" AND HAVE THEM LIVE IN A BASEMENT FOR TWO MONTHS.
If I had a robot to sit at my desk, I would go home and eat cake because I know I have cake at home.
I should get a robot to read Mysteries of Pittsburgh for me. I haven't read the wikipedia plot summary because I feel I should read the actual book, but then I remember that the book is going to be really dull.
Oh man, what's wouldn't I outsource? Not much. In fact, everything, but not all the time. So I'd still spend time with my family for a few hours a week. I think that covers 100% of what I wouldn't have a robot do.
What if the other members of the family also outsource their family duties? Would all the robots continue going through the motions? Or just end the pitiful charade and take some well-deserved time off?
32: https://www.nytimes.com/2005/03/27/fashion/truly-madly-guiltily.html
This column is the source of her internet notoriety, but it's so long ago that only Wikipedia remembers.
Of course I would have my robot do my job for me, but the robot would be so bored, I would feel guilty about it.
56: But maybe the robot would start commenting her as me, and everyone would be confused because my comments would be interesting.
We recently got a floor-cleaning robot, and it's really great. Maybe not totally relevant to the question in the post since we mostly just weren't cleaning the floors much before.
I used to feel guilty about all the shop clerks providing such wonderful late-night and 24-hour services around here. I got over it.
57: +e. Also, wouldn't have stupid typos.
YOU DON'T EVEN CARE YET YOU SET ME TO CLEAN THEM ANYWAY
I would also need one of the robot's brains to take over my body so it can exercise while I can relax in sim, but that's presumably how the Borg got started.
The Borg seemed pretty fulfilled, really.
I saw the Mr. Rogers documentary last night, and I resolved to be a better and more self-affirming person. but I'm 55 years-old so these kind of resolutions can't even last a whole day.
I'm not going to see that. It sounds kind of dull.
Cleaning definitely. I keep meaning to hire a cleaner. Cooking probably not... I have given up eating in the evenings during the week, which saves a lot of time. And at weekends I quite enjoy it.
You go from lunch on Monday to breakfast on Tuesday with no other food?
Yep. It's a decent breakfast though. Huevos rancheros this morning.
I don't think I could do that. I'd miss both dinner and my usual tortilla chips with melted cheese course before bed.
I kept expecting heebie to say she would have the robot post on Unfogged.
10% of the time, yes. The other 90%, no.
I would assign a robot to figuring out which post was which.
I would get the robot to manage my time, optimize my schedule, and make the difficult decisions about where I should put my energy (work vs writing vs music vs political commitment). I would absolutely do everything else if I could defer wisdom and judgment to the wise, judicious robot. Just the thought of this is kind of a relief.
My robot would do the grading so goddamned fast. And the laundry and basic housecleaning. And maybe it would be delegated to deal with the children when they're shouty and demanding. (Today's drama: baby girl wants Eggos but decides to call them pancakes, then changes her mind and demands toast, and then changes her mind to demand waffles.)
This is terrible because it would appear that I am actively harming the world, including my loved ones, by not allowing the superior robot to exercise its superior talents at every turn. My best strategy would be to cease existence and let the robot go on better than I might have been.
This robot stuff sounds suspiciously like an episode of Black Mirror. Really kind of like every episode.
I guess I'd also make my robot talk lourdes out of ceasing existence.
whom I also have an ambient dislike for, maybe because he's super into comic books and that's annoying?
don't hate on husband x.
if the robot could work out for me and the benefits be transferred to me somehow then I would have the robot do that and I would get swole. or maybe lithe like a panther. about half the cooking, I think, and having had a maid who vacuumed and mopped the whole apartment every day, I know how magical it is, so, that. I like it enough that after our maid left our employ recently I did it myself twice a week and dry mopped the other days, because I am a maniac. if you leave your shoes outside always, you should be able to walk around the apartment with the soles of your feet pink from the shower and never dirty. my in-laws' house is killing me with crud on the floor but I fear it will be seen as passive-agressive rather than helpful if I make them dig out the vacuum cleaner and use a wet mop when they a) never vacuum and b) always use these big dry mops with reusable heads and seem to think water will kill their wood floors somehow, no matter how much oil soap is in there. they don't mind me cleaning their stove top, though. OK, I apparently feel too strongly about this.
laundry? kitty litter changing is a no-brainer. grocery shopping? I like to look at the items, but the robot could facetime me. cleaning the bathroom manaically every day. if the robot could be in pain for me that would be great. read meaningful books? am I getting everything ported over to my brain/body? my children are teenagers now so they don't require much annoying tending other than laundry and cleaning their rooms. they are chill.
ajay, I am not one to recommend eating food, because I have decided mildly starving myself if a modest form of self-harm that is more or less OK, even though at some level I can see it's not cool. I legit can't decide whether my youngest (at 5'5" and 97 pounds) might be developing an eating disorder because my eating habits are so sketchy it's hard to see. she makes me eat, though, and will do it if I do. nonetheless, you should eat food.
Hey, can my robot lose 25 lbs for me? Maybe 30? Let's do that.
"if the robot could work out for me and the benefits be transferred to me somehow"
Well, if the robot was great at sex, you'd just arrange to have the appropriate amount/type of sex with it to give yourself the perfect work out.
The problem with robot replica you send to work, is having to then skulk around at home pretending that you aren't in.
Whether you would be interested in having sex with a lookalike, brainalike robot could be its own whole thread.
81: like, making out with your own robot twin? I suppose I could.
I HAD SEX WITH MY ROBOT TWIN AND ALL I GOT WAS THIS LOUSY T-SHIRT AND YET ANOTHER ROBOT TWIN
Actually, I rather like doing yardwork.
This is now getting insidious enough that I'm just not getting out of the chair to make dinner because surely if I wait long enough the robot will show up to do it.
66.2: I have made myself eat three meals almost every day for the last six weeks or so, which I've previously only done in recent memory during health emergencies. It's awful and annoying but obviously good for me, and I'm also ravenous all the time I guess because my thyroid medicine has kicked in. I would make baseline eating a robot job and only bother when there's pleasure for sure. I don't know what else.
Whether you would be interested in having sex with a lookalike, brainalike robot could be its own whole thread.
Isn't this basically the "would you fuck your clone?" debate from way back in the early days of blogging?
I would have my robot save the soccer players trapped in a cave instead of just satisfying my lust or hunger.
I would have my robot fuck other people's robots and save innocents from calamity on the way home.
Get me a dildo, a fleshlight, and one of those metal-sheet, vibrate the football player games.
I HAD SOME KIND OF SEX WITH A FOOSBALL TABLE (?) AND ALL I GOT WAS THIS LOUSY T-SHIRT
This Top Wall Street Analyst Says Get Out Of Cash Now, Invest In Opinionated, Confused T-Shirt Store
Making the hypothetical partner a robot copy adds the frisson of not being sure if they are truly sapient or just an excellent mimic.
Sure, but that's other people. Doesn't apply to me.
I think we established, like, 12 years ago that I would totally fuck my clone. there was some question about whether the clones would be genderbent; I assume the problem would be easier to solve with robots. meanwhile, husband x, having asked me what I was laughing about (opinionated, confused t-shirt store, natch) said, when I explained about the would you question, "don't you guys ever talk about anything else?" this seems unfair.
It's wrong, but considering what we actually talk about, maybe don't press it.
I would like to robot-outsource planning children's birthday parties, which seem like a great deal of overthinking stress for only infinitesimal amounts of appreciation. I think we have now spent two hours agonizing over what kind of (%^&*%^*&) goodie bags to provide, failing to come up with a transcendent theme, and being reluctant to acknowledge that we have already spent more time thinking about it than the kids themselves will.
I would robosource literally all birthday-related activities.
If I were a robot,
And you were also-a-robot,
Would you marry me anyway,
Would you have my robot?
||
First, they came for people who summer in the Hamptons, but I did not speak out. Because I summered on Martha's Vineyard.
|>
Peter Pan summers in Neverland.
I don't know how Peter Pan is a birthday-related activity, but yes, robosource the fucker. I never liked those stories.
Anyway, happy Will Smith Day or whatever.
I would robosource literally all birthday-related activities.
Even the drinking?
I bet the robots won't even get hangovers.
There is a chamber inside every man where there is only room for one thing: he himself.
I would like to robot-outsource planning children's birthday parties, which seem like a great deal of overthinking stress for only infinitesimal amounts of appreciation.
The absolute worst moment of the year is that moment where you're down at kid height, cutting the cake, and children and swarming all over you and jostling for position and pointing out what slice they want. Your back hurts, little fingers keep darting around, and all the whining and grabbing at your attention.
Lesson 1: take the cake up and elsewhere to cut it. Also cupcakes are easier.
Lesson 2: hand the task off altogether.
I feel like I never even once poked a cake-cutting adult with a knife when I was growing up.
Also, I should have bought cupcakes today.
At home my robot would do the ironing.
At work my robot would train first-year grad students in all the basic labby stuff, and take over all responsibilities that require reading student writing. I would give a lot for a robot that would just do the last bit.
I have a robot that doesn't give a shit about how wrinkled my clothing is.
||
I just got a new iPhone 8 after using a Samsung and holy shit but I can barely read Unfogged on either Safari or Chrome the font is so small and changing the accessibility settings to make the font larger does nothing. This is like a good portion of what I use my cell phone for the other thing being using Whatsapp (which won't port my messages to the iPhone but that's another issue). Anyone using an iPhone and reading Unfogged? What am I doing wrong?
|>
OT but we just had two MORE people hit with that Russian nerve agent...
Well we had a group of Republican senators choose to celebrate the 4th in Moscow. And it does not really even seem to be a story.
So did the Russians just leave nerve agent laying around and two bystanders got hit?
118: I also have an iPhone 8. I usually read it in landscape, which gives you a slightly larger font size.
The anonymous Russian nerve agent
Has issued the following statement:
Da, I poisoned those two,
And I'm coming for you,
Whenever you become complacent
I have eaten
the Novichok
that was in
the playground
and which
you were probably
saving
for defectors
Forgive me
it was delicious
so toxic
and so cold
This is the way the world ends
This is the way the world ends
This is the way the world ends
Not with a bang but a satire.
Satire is a lesson. Parody is a game.
Ok, FINE
This is the way the world ends
This is the way the world ends
This is the way the world ends
Not with action but parody.
I would let a robot check my voicemail. I do not enjoy that task.
118: It's because Unfogged was never mobile-optimised. I sent Nosflow a fix a year or two ago. Someone just needs to add a
<meta name="viewport" content="width=device-width, initial-scale=1, shrink-to-fit=no">
tag to the Head of every page, and also remove the hardcoded 425-pixel width from the horizontal lines between comments.
Until Nosflow gets around to it, you can use a bookmarklet to inject those fixes with Javascript. Create a new bookmark (I'd suggest putting it in Favorites) named "Fix UF" or something, and for the URL, copy-paste this:
javascript:(function()%7B%22use%20strict%22%3B!function()%7Bvar%20t%3Ddocument.createElement(%22meta%22)%3Bt.name%3D%22viewport%22%2Ct.content%3D%22width%3Ddevice-width%2C%20initial-scale%3D1%2C%20shrink-to-fit%3Dno%22%2Cdocument.head.appendChild(t)%3Bvar%20e%3Ddocument.querySelectorAll(%22body%20%3E%20img%5Balt%3D'horizontal%20rule'%5D%22)%2Cr%3D!0%2Ci%3D!1%2Cn%3Dvoid%200%3Btry%7Bfor(var%20o%2Ca%3De%5BSymbol.iterator%5D()%3B!(r%3D(o%3Da.next()).done)%3Br%3D!0)%7Bo.value.removeAttribute(%22width%22)%7D%7Dcatch(t)%7Bi%3D!0%2Cn%3Dt%7Dfinally%7Btry%7B!r%26%26a.return%26%26a.return()%7Dfinally%7Bif(i)throw%20n%7D%7D%7D()%3B%7D)()
Then whenever you load UF or a comments page, hit that bookmark.
Duplication is a fool's paradise. Our first doubles discover to us the indifference of faces. At home I dream that with others cleaning, with others working, I can be intoxicated by leisure and lose my sadness. I have my robot pack my trunk, embrace my friends, embark on the sea, and at last wake up in Naples, and there beside it is the stern fact, the sad self, unrelenting, identical, that I fled from. It seeks the closet, and the palaces. It affect to be intoxicated with sights and suggestions, but it is not intoxicated. I go with my robot wherever it goes.
133, so is 131, thanks x. trapnel!
131: The nice thing about iPhones is how simple they are to use.
If unfogged were an iphone app it would have been banned years ago.
I like the thought experiment. I suspect I'd outsource too much of anything. Like, I enjoy my work (and have way too much identity associated with it), but really prize the critical moments -- much less the scrutinizing between successes.
Similarly, I enjoy cooking, and will happily whip up some cream for strawberries, or get out of bed to create coffee cake muffins. But routine, every day dinners... yeah, I'd outsource those.
Weeding's fine for the first fifteen minutes at a stretch; it's nice to be out in the sun, even crouching and kneeling are good because I don't move that way often otherwise. Eventually the sensation tips over into strain/pain and I'm ready to be done, but it's nice at first.
The big benefit would be doing all of the things that I slough off now; unlike alameida, my floors get pretty gross between moppings. Mopping definitely goes into the robot task list, though again it's good at first and I appreciate the result.
The robot gets dishes... and some routine check in conversations, and most phone calls. Hmm... the robot's taking over!
I did smile at Heebie's self description as a housecat; I have a lot of the same thing going.
The only sensible form of the Most Dangerous Game is to hunt your own clone. That way no matter what happens you win.