I think he was going for a Ned Flanders's tone. And succeeding.

To me, it follows the tune of "you're a mean one, mr. grinch!" somehow.

Given the implied Saudi connection, it's really feeling like the Battle of the Global Oligarchs.

the enquirer's description of the photos in their possession is painful, in part because they use the cosmopolitan magazine circa 1998 euphemism "manhood" for what we more naturally term "AMI publisher."

I have seen it legally explained both ways, with the majority of people online stating that AMI is not engaged in blackmail or extortion under a strict legal definition. but a well-sourced-seeming post article (make of that what you will) says that they plausibly are trying to extort bezos in a legal rather than a "how can that not be extortion" sense. the thing demanded has to be of value--and a public statement absolving AMI of political motivations would be--and that the threat is real--namely a harm to his business--and in any case it's believed to be a real threat by bezos (and it would still be extortion if AMI thought the threat wasn't real, and even if the photos weren't real).

I think AMI are pinky promised to the SDNY not to commit any more crimes for three years. in any case AMI is definitely obliged to ""truthfully and completely disclose all information" requested by New York prosecutors. It also requires the company to make available any documents or witnesses that prosecutors request." per the wapo. even if no one wants to prosecute a difficult crime it would seem someone could ask painfully probing questions. popehat, one of the main "it's too fucking hard to prosecute anyone for blackmail" legal blogger proponents, seem to think that AMI is still in very hot water with the SDNY.

also, letters.

I think "manhood" means uncircumcised.

I almost explained your joke back to you, and then I got suspicious that you may have intended the joke all along.

What joke?

4: It's not just a pinky promise -- the nonprosecution agreement itself includes a promise not to commit any more crimes. If the SDNY prosecutors determine in good faith that AMI committed any crime (e.g., extortion of Bezos) during the term of the NPA, they can find a breach of the NPA and prosecute for the original underlying crime (unlawful campaign contributions), with the benefit of AMI's admissions in connection with the NPA. SDNY would never have to prove the extortion offense itself beyond a reasonable doubt. That's why popehat thinks AMI has to be worried about a phone call from SDNY, even if AMI is confident that the extortion offense isn't independently prosecutable.

(And of course SDNY can hold off making its determination until it's used the NPA to compel AMI to provide as much information as it wants about the extortion offense and the underlying offense and anything else.)

8: the hood of the uncircumcised?

Yes. That was it.

Wow. It's so much funnier now.

I just wanted to be sure I wasn't missing a more funny joke.

Excelsior.

You'd have liked Standpipe.

I thought he was just an allegory.

Because of love, he became a real boy.

Circumsized?

Only his tailor knows.

So, if you set your camera to put a little copyright watermark on all the photos you take, then anyone threatening to publish pictures you took of your penis is threatening to break the law? Thus, they are committing blackmail, not bargaining? Is that right?

I guess they could draw a smiley face on it and claim parody. But if you already have a smiley face on your penis, that won't work.

I watermark every photo I take with a picture of my penis. I've not been getting great feedback from publishers, tho.

I think it is useful to note a new low bar to clear for family harmony: Never stole nude photos of a sibling and sent them to a known blackmailer for political purposes.