did someone muck with the backend here

Re: Guest Post - Florida birds

1

I don't even have a scavenger, but we did have somebody who would feed the birds by dumpling several bags of bread in the parking lot of local stores. I saw them do this once. They didn't even get out of the car, but just opened the bags and flung the bread. I think the cops caught them finally. The store had a big sign about not feeding the birds and it was really creepy to wait for the bus with hundreds of gulls sitting on the utility lines.


Posted by: Moby Hick | Link to this comment | 11- 8-19 8:24 AM
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2

Fortunately, Pennsylvania wildlife is more towards the cuddly end of the spectrum than Florida wildlife.


Posted by: Moby Hick | Link to this comment | 11- 8-19 8:25 AM
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3

I really need to stop extending and adding to the OP now that there are comments.


Posted by: heebie-geebie | Link to this comment | 11- 8-19 8:27 AM
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4

Meh. I'll read it again.


Posted by: Moby Hick | Link to this comment | 11- 8-19 8:28 AM
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5

You're too kind.


Posted by: heebie-geebie | Link to this comment | 11- 8-19 8:31 AM
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6

Everyone says that.


Posted by: Moby Hick | Link to this comment | 11- 8-19 8:33 AM
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7

Aren't you supposed to be re-reading my post?


Posted by: heebie-geebie | Link to this comment | 11- 8-19 8:35 AM
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8

It's not quite the same thing as vultures eating a toddler, but we have eagles and hawks that eat people's pets (cats, small dogs). If a hawk can eat a miniature terrier, then a large vulture could probably eat a baby or two. That's why car seats should be used in a convertible even when parked.


Posted by: Moby Hick | Link to this comment | 11- 8-19 8:36 AM
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9

If a large vulture can scavenge a dead raccoon, then a hawk can definitely scavenge a dead family of four who were just living peacefully in West Palm Beach in their gold-plated house made out of hundred dollar bills.


Posted by: heebie-geebie | Link to this comment | 11- 8-19 8:39 AM
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10

I get that Palm Beach is very literally America's strategic rich asshole reserve, but isn't West Palm Beach different?


Posted by: Moby Hick | Link to this comment | 11- 8-19 8:45 AM
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11

I get Palm Beach, Palm Springs, and the West versions of both all mixed up in my head. The real rich assholes are the friends we made along the way.


Posted by: heebie-geebie | Link to this comment | 11- 8-19 8:48 AM
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12

Have you seen a grown vulture up close? They could totally eat a toddler.


Posted by: Mossy Character | Link to this comment | 11- 8-19 8:57 AM
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13

I used to subscribe to Rich Asshole Quarterly, but quality really declined since they started hiring so many immigrants.

On a more serious note, my best-value subscription is to my local DNA Info successor: https://blockclubchicago.org/


Posted by: Lambent Cactus | Link to this comment | 11- 8-19 8:59 AM
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14

The experience I'm thinking of in particular was at a birdshow, where such a vulture looked straight at a toddler in the front row and was very definitely interested. It wobbled its hideous neck and hissed at her.


Posted by: Mossy Character | Link to this comment | 11- 8-19 9:00 AM
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15

Maybe she said something offensive?


Posted by: Moby Hick | Link to this comment | 11- 8-19 9:03 AM
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16

The birdshow place said sometimes its vultures fly to a nearby golf estate and rip up seats on golfcarts. Maybe vultures basically just don't like rich assholes.


Posted by: Mossy Character | Link to this comment | 11- 8-19 9:06 AM
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17

Millennials are killing golf, but it's taking them too long because they were raised to be too nice. Let's see if the vultures can't do it quicker.


Posted by: Moby Hick | Link to this comment | 11- 8-19 9:09 AM
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18

I would guess that the helium balloons work like barrage balloons - vultures might be wary of flying or landing in among them.
The old lady feeding the alligators is definitely from a Gary Larson cartoon.

Obligatory Finnemore: Vulture Public Relations https://youtu.be/dadO5AQTohE


Posted by: ajay | Link to this comment | 11- 8-19 9:14 AM
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19

When I was a kid I wanted vultures. A big sinister dead tree with a bunch of vultures nesting in it. Turns out I could have made a fortune in real-estate manipulation. Follow your dreams, kids.


Posted by: Mossy Character | Link to this comment | 11- 8-19 9:15 AM
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20

Have you seen a grown vulture up close? They could totally eat a toddler.

Yes, I see them literally daily.

I guess it matters whether it's a turkey vulture or a black vulture:

Turkey Vultures feed almost entirely on carrion and human garbage. Although on rare occasions Turkey Vultures catch live prey, including young or sick birds and mammals, Black Vultures kill live prey more frequently, and accounts of Turkey Vultures eating live prey often involve mistakenly identified Black Vultures.

Posted by: heebie-geebie | Link to this comment | 11- 8-19 9:16 AM
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21

What's the best value of all your journalistic subscriptions?

I had a subscription to N+1, but I let it lapse a few years ago. I recently subscribed to The Atlantic when they put most of their stuff behind a paywall.

It seems like more and more sites are going back to a subscription based business model. I hope the trend continues. It's clear by now that sites that depend on ads inevitably default to trolling, since that's the easiest and most reliable way to generate clicks.

I don't have any vulture stories, but I did see bald eagles close up last year on the Eastern Shore. They're big.


Posted by: AcademicLurker | Link to this comment | 11- 8-19 9:17 AM
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22

I had no idea Texas was full of vultures.


Posted by: Moby Hick | Link to this comment | 11- 8-19 9:20 AM
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23

I guess the question is have you seen a Cape vulture? Because your New World vultures frankly look quite puny by comparison.


Posted by: Mossy Character | Link to this comment | 11- 8-19 9:24 AM
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24

22: We called them buzzards growing up, then at some point we learned they were in fact turkey vultures.


Posted by: Minivet | Link to this comment | 11- 8-19 9:26 AM
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25

In which case what the rich assholes in Florida afraid of? I guess they're puny too.


Posted by: Mossy Character | Link to this comment | 11- 8-19 9:26 AM
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26

Whenever I hear the word 'vulture' I reach for my revolver.


Posted by: Amended Hermann Goering | Link to this comment | 11- 8-19 9:29 AM
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27

The neck on this cape vulture looks insane, like it could unspool for meters and chase you, without ever moving a wing or foot.


Posted by: heebie-geebie | Link to this comment | 11- 8-19 9:29 AM
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28

Vulture culture.


Posted by: Minivet | Link to this comment | 11- 8-19 9:37 AM
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27: Now picture that motherfucker eyeing Rascal. (Ace? Guam? The youngest one.)


Posted by: Mossy Character | Link to this comment | 11- 8-19 9:50 AM
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30

And hissing.


Posted by: Mossy Character | Link to this comment | 11- 8-19 9:52 AM
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31

It really looks like it's wearing a cape.


Posted by: Moby Hick | Link to this comment | 11- 8-19 9:59 AM
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32

I'm confused by the two fleshy knobs by its neck. They look even stranger in photo here. (Scroll down.) It almost looks like it's laying eggs through its shoulders.


Posted by: heebie-geebie | Link to this comment | 11- 8-19 10:02 AM
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33

A lot of birds have fleshy knobs in odd places.


Posted by: Minivet | Link to this comment | 11- 8-19 10:09 AM
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34

27 Canada geese are killing golf because they shit all over the fairways


Posted by: Barry Freed | Link to this comment | 11- 8-19 10:13 AM
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35

Same.


Posted by: Moby Hick | Link to this comment | 11- 8-19 10:18 AM
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36

Thank you for your service


Posted by: Barry Freed | Link to this comment | 11- 8-19 10:20 AM
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37

The credit goes to Taco Bell.


Posted by: Moby Hick | Link to this comment | 11- 8-19 10:23 AM
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38

33: I think that's a Jimmy Buffet song.


Posted by: heebie | Link to this comment | 11- 8-19 10:27 AM
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39

Garth Brooks.


Posted by: Moby Hick | Link to this comment | 11- 8-19 10:28 AM
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40

Jesus, birds are fucking disgusting.


Posted by: jms | Link to this comment | 11- 8-19 10:43 AM
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41

Oh, I've got knobs on low places,
where the vomit flows and the feces chases
my blues away.


Posted by: Opinionated Bird | Link to this comment | 11- 8-19 10:49 AM
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42

23: condors probably take the New World average up a bit. But seriously, feeding wildlife like this has got to involve mental illness of some kind, similar to a hoarding disorder. It's more than just stubbornness.


Posted by: lurid keyaki | Link to this comment | 11- 8-19 11:17 AM
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43

best value subscription unfogged obv.!


Posted by: chill | Link to this comment | 11- 8-19 11:28 AM
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44

42: No, it's a brilliant strategy for getting rid of the bodies.


Posted by: peep | Link to this comment | 11- 8-19 11:37 AM
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45

43: For sure! And there's a special offer going just for today! 50% off!


Posted by: peep | Link to this comment | 11- 8-19 11:38 AM
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46

So we only need to send Standpipe $250 this year?


Posted by: Moby Hick | Link to this comment | 11- 8-19 11:43 AM
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47

46: You get the Frequent Commenter Discount -- only $200!


Posted by: peep | Link to this comment | 11- 8-19 11:45 AM
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48

Oh, and I cannot stop laughing at this glorious sentence:

His advice: Get a federal permit to kill one of the vultures, then hang it in a tree or other spot where other vultures can see it for miles around.

That'll show them.


Posted by: lurid keyaki | Link to this comment | 11- 8-19 12:04 PM
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49

Haven't read the comments yet, but West Palm is definitely different than Palm Beach (or "The Island" as everyone calls it). These whiners have their vacation home in a huge, exclusive gated community that's on the outskirts of WPB, if I remember correctly. I think one of my high school friends lived there. I'm from a suburb that's a little north. The Palm Beach Post is the main local paper for the county.


Posted by: J, Robot | Link to this comment | 11- 8-19 12:35 PM
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50

Balloons: I think there's a folk wisdom to put objects up right on a window (or in this case screen) so birds don't just try to fly through it?


Posted by: Minivet | Link to this comment | 11- 8-19 12:37 PM
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51

All the other links in the OP appear to be repackagings of the information in the Palm Beach Post article, so I think heebie is right that the sourcing on this is a little thin.


Posted by: teofilo | Link to this comment | 11- 8-19 12:39 PM
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52

22: they prefer the term "oilmen"


Posted by: soup biscuit | Link to this comment | 11- 8-19 12:39 PM
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53

clearly the best solution is to burn the entire neighborhood to the ground; after the initial feast, the vultures will leave seeking greener pastures.


Posted by: soup biscuit | Link to this comment | 11- 8-19 12:41 PM
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54

44: I thought that was a pig farm?


Posted by: soup biscuit | Link to this comment | 11- 8-19 12:42 PM
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55

Wild turkeys are somewhat less gross, but they do poop on things, and now and then they lay partly developed eggs, which are definitely pretty disgusting. They are not nearly the problem that deer are, though.


Posted by: DaveLMA | Link to this comment | 11- 8-19 1:00 PM
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56

Those aren't eggs.


Posted by: Moby Hick | Link to this comment | 11- 8-19 1:04 PM
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57

Balloons: I think there's a folk wisdom to put objects up right on a window (or in this case screen) so birds don't just try to fly through it?

This reminds me of how outdoor restaurants hang plastic bags of water from eaves or rafters to ward off mosquitoes.


Posted by: heebie-geebie | Link to this comment | 11- 8-19 1:37 PM
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58

People used to put plastic bottles of water in their lawn because it was supposed to make dogs not want to shit there. I think people have mostly decided either that it didn't work or that dog shit looks better than old plastic bottles.


Posted by: Moby Hick | Link to this comment | 11- 8-19 1:39 PM
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59

48: this advice also depends on the assumption that a dead decaying vulture is more fun to be around than several live vultures, an assumption which I would like to see explored in a little more depth.


Posted by: ajay | Link to this comment | 11- 8-19 2:00 PM
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60

I read it initially as "get a federal permit, then hang it in the tree..." When the vultures come, jab your finger in its direction and shout harshly "Hey, you vulture fucks, read it and weep!"


Posted by: lurid keyaki | Link to this comment | 11- 8-19 2:05 PM
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61

Hang on. I'm sure live vultures prefer dead decaying vultures most of the time


Posted by: Nw | Link to this comment | 11- 8-19 2:07 PM
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62

A good point. This might well backfire spectacularly.


Posted by: ajay | Link to this comment | 11- 8-19 2:11 PM
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63

I like my women like I like my vultures. Hanging around in large groups enjoying each other's company.


Posted by: ajay | Link to this comment | 11- 8-19 2:12 PM
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64

I like my vultures like I like my women. Shameless and raucous.


Posted by: Mossy Character | Link to this comment | 11- 8-19 2:25 PM
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65

60: Not with Florida schools.


Posted by: Moby Hick | Link to this comment | 11- 8-19 2:48 PM
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66

64: don't forget the defensive vomiting.


Posted by: soup biscuit | Link to this comment | 11- 8-19 2:49 PM
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67

Kinky.


Posted by: Moby Hick | Link to this comment | 11- 8-19 2:51 PM
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68

66: when threatened! When all reasonable efforts have failed!


Posted by: ajay | Link to this comment | 11- 8-19 2:54 PM
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69

66: when threatened! When all reasonable efforts have failed!


Posted by: ajay | Link to this comment | 11- 8-19 2:54 PM
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70

I like my vultures like I like my women: fond of venison and unafraid of puking.


Posted by: Mossy Character | Link to this comment | 11- 8-19 2:57 PM
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71

I like my vultures like I like my women, protected by federal law.


Posted by: Moby Hick | Link to this comment | 11- 8-19 3:08 PM
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72

I like my vultures like I like my women: revered by ancient Middle Eastern religions.


Posted by: Mossy Character | Link to this comment | 11- 8-19 3:15 PM
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73

I'm sure live vultures prefer dead decaying vultures most of the time

You'd think, but:

"A black-headed vulture will not go within eyesight of its own dead, which is bizarre. They eat roadkill but if they see their own, they will not go near it," Smith said.

This particular species of vulture seems to have very peculiar behavior even by vulture standards.


Posted by: teofilo | Link to this comment | 11- 8-19 3:29 PM
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74

OP title to 73.


Posted by: Mossy Character | Link to this comment | 11- 8-19 3:32 PM
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75

"Oh look, there's a dead racoon. Dinner!"

"Oh look, there's a dead vulture. Shit, whatever got that one might get me! I'm out of here!"


Posted by: chris y | Link to this comment | 11- 8-19 5:05 PM
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76

I see that TMP is spelling "Kiev" as "Kyiv". Is that a new thing? On topic because I'm a subscriber.


Posted by: Moby Hick | Link to this comment | 11- 8-19 6:27 PM
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77

It's the Ukrainian pronunciation rather than the Russian. Seems to be increasingly standard in US reporting.


Posted by: teofilo | Link to this comment | 11- 8-19 7:18 PM
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78

Seems reasonable, but it's going to take some getting used to


Posted by: Moby Hick | Link to this comment | 11- 8-19 7:40 PM
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79

Like when I had to switch from saying "Peloponnese" to "Morea."


Posted by: Moby Hick | Link to this comment | 11- 8-19 7:44 PM
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80

Birds, like cats, just sort of make me feel uncomfortable. It's like they're watching and waiting for you to die, before moving in for the kill.

I'm a dog person. My dog Lucas would lay down his life for me, though I sincerely hope it never comes to that. He's a friend and companion, which I can't even imagine ever saying about a cat, never mind a damn bird.


Posted by: Just Plain Jane | Link to this comment | 11- 8-19 8:46 PM
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81

If you've died, they can't go in for the kill.


Posted by: Moby Hick | Link to this comment | 11- 8-19 8:57 PM
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82

Unless you've become a zombie, in which case I think they're justified.


Posted by: Moby Hick | Link to this comment | 11- 8-19 8:59 PM
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83

That's the third person today in a little bo peep costume.


Posted by: Mossy Character | Link to this comment | 11- 9-19 3:35 AM
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84

If you've been killed, you become a kill, for which it is possible to go in.


Posted by: ajay | Link to this comment | 11- 9-19 4:46 AM
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85

81 to 83.


Posted by: | Link to this comment | 11- 9-19 4:47 AM
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86

Is it Halloween today where you are?


Posted by: peep | Link to this comment | 11- 9-19 5:54 AM
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87

86 to the whole thread.


Posted by: peep | Link to this comment | 11- 9-19 5:55 AM
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88

shit that's another one


Posted by: Mossy Character | Link to this comment | 11- 9-19 6:03 AM
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89

How do four people fit in one costume?


Posted by: Moby Hick | Link to this comment | 11- 9-19 8:10 AM
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90

My dog Lucas would lay down his life for me...

Give me a break! I've only got nine of them.

He's a friend and companion

So am I, but only up to a point.


Posted by: OPINIONATED CAT | Link to this comment | 11- 9-19 8:29 AM
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