Re: Populating Hogwarts

1

At Hogwarts, sex education is how to create a very precise postcoital 'accio sperm' spell to avoid pregnancy without ripping semen from every testicle in the castle.


Posted by: Moby Hick | Link to this comment | 04-26-22 10:44 AM
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2

That's how Bathilda Bagshot's ancestors got the name.


Posted by: Moby Hick | Link to this comment | 04-26-22 10:48 AM
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3

Wouldn't you want the opposite of accio?


Posted by: chill | Link to this comment | 04-26-22 10:55 AM
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4

If you're kinky. Works either way.


Posted by: Moby Hick | Link to this comment | 04-26-22 10:59 AM
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5

Coincidentally, I just saw this tweet recently: https://mobile.twitter.com/jowrotethis/status/1515785558194196481 ("Children today don't UNDERSTAND the overwhelming assault of Jude Law as Dickie Greenleaf." with a short montage).

I've only seen a couple of Jude Law movies, but the one I would definitely recommend is eXistenZ.


Posted by: NickS | Link to this comment | 04-26-22 11:02 AM
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90s-era NBA player levels of scampery and procreation.

'10s-era presidential levels. (Specifically, five kids; three women.)


Posted by: politicalfootball | Link to this comment | 04-26-22 11:07 AM
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7

Yeah, but not much quality.


Posted by: Moby Hick | Link to this comment | 04-26-22 11:09 AM
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8

The browser opening screen keeps offering me a story on "Alec Baldwin explains why he and Hilaria keep having kids!". I haven't clicked on it, but I don't know how the explanation could be a mystery. "We like fucking and we can afford it" seems pretty straightforward.


Posted by: Megan | Link to this comment | 04-26-22 11:11 AM
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9

He has poor control over things going off.


Posted by: Moby Hick | Link to this comment | 04-26-22 11:14 AM
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10

Law was quite good in AI, and was solid in I [heart] Huckabees, where he was maybe overshadowed by a cast packed with well-deployed scenery chewers.


Posted by: politicalfootball | Link to this comment | 04-26-22 11:14 AM
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11

I've seen AI!


Posted by: ogged | Link to this comment | 04-26-22 11:23 AM
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12

Without going to IMDB, the only movie of his I've seen that's coming to mind is Closer.


Posted by: Unfoggetarian: "Pause endlessly, then go in" (9) | Link to this comment | 04-26-22 12:23 PM
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13

Hoo boy, I had not remembered he was in Captain Marvel. I've also seen Grand Budapest Hotel, Hugo (if that counts), The Holiday, The Aviator, Skycaptain and the World of Tomorrow, and The Talented Mr. Ripley.


Posted by: Unfoggetarian: "Pause endlessly, then go in" (9) | Link to this comment | 04-26-22 12:27 PM
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14

It seems very weird to me that I haven't seen the Anna Karenina film with Keira Knightly and Alicia Vikander. I have watched some really bad films on planes just because Alicia Vikander was in them.


Posted by: Unfoggetarian: "Pause endlessly, then go in" (9) | Link to this comment | 04-26-22 12:33 PM
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15

I've only seen her in Ex Machina. She and the movie were terrific.


Posted by: politicalfootball | Link to this comment | 04-26-22 12:40 PM
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16

I'm sure I've seen a movie with Jude Law in it, but at the moment the only JL vehicle I can remember seeing is The Young Pope, which was hilarious but kind of terrible.

I've never seen a movie with Brad Pitt.


Posted by: jms | Link to this comment | 04-26-22 12:52 PM
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17

Maybe if you asked him nicely?


Posted by: Moby Hick | Link to this comment | 04-26-22 12:54 PM
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18

Ugh, I specifically added "in it" to the first sentence of 16 just to avoid the Moby joke, and somehow overlooked the next sentence. Much gnashing of teeth.


Posted by: jms | Link to this comment | 04-26-22 12:56 PM
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19

It wouldn't have occurred to me without the contrast between the earlier sentence that had 'in it. '


Posted by: Moby Hick | Link to this comment | 04-26-22 1:00 PM
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20

Gattaca was the only thing that came to mind, though I have seen him in a few of the others that were mentioned. (I kind of grooved on the Sky Captain aesthetic).


Posted by: Nathan Williams | Link to this comment | 04-26-22 1:04 PM
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21

That was a nice anesthetic, but the plot was really fucking stupid.


Posted by: Moby Hick | Link to this comment | 04-26-22 1:05 PM
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22

15: If you're only going to see one of her films that's absolutely the one to go with. Huge drop from Ex Machina to any of the others (at least in English, I haven't seen any of her films in Swedish or Danish). Tomb Raider and The Man from Uncle are both enjoyable but not actually good. The Green Knight is real weird, I wasn't sold on it, but it was an experience. The less one says about The Danish Girl and Jason Bourne the better.


Posted by: Unfoggetarian: "Pause endlessly, then go in" (9) | Link to this comment | 04-26-22 1:06 PM
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23

I've never seen a movie with Brad Pitt.

This can't be right. He's in the entire original Star Wars trilogy.


Posted by: heebie-geebie | Link to this comment | 04-26-22 1:16 PM
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24

16.2 You've never seen _Thelma And Louise_?


Posted by: NickS | Link to this comment | 04-26-22 1:19 PM
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25

Thelma is the green grass to Louise's high tides.


Posted by: heebie-geebie | Link to this comment | 04-26-22 1:21 PM
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26

For such a famous actor, Jude Law has been in a surprising number of movies that I've seen and completely forgotten he was in them (Gattaca, Cold Mountain, Road to Perdition, Hugo).


Posted by: Todd | Link to this comment | 04-26-22 1:44 PM
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27

Oh, I've seen Captain Marvel and thought "that looks like Jude Law, I wonder who it is."


Posted by: ogged | Link to this comment | 04-26-22 2:33 PM
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28

I thought Captain Marvel was a woman.


Posted by: Moby Hick | Link to this comment | 04-26-22 2:41 PM
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29

I'm pretty sure I've never seen a movie with Angelina Jolie, Mel Gibson, or Will Smith.


Posted by: jms | Link to this comment | 04-26-22 2:47 PM
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30

Don't ruin it with repetition.


Posted by: Moby Hick | Link to this comment | 04-26-22 2:51 PM
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31

1. I think the easiest way would be to cast a shield charm across your cervix. For male contraception, the obvious choice is to cast a freezing charm on the sperm, but might that cause clogging of the penile ducts? I wonder if a confondere charm would work, or if sperm aren't smart enough to be confounded.


Posted by: jms | Link to this comment | 04-26-22 2:53 PM
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32

90s-era NBA player levels of scampery and procreation.

Shawn Kemp wants a word.


Posted by: chill | Link to this comment | 04-26-22 3:01 PM
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33

Why does he want a word? He's included!

I love that someone wrote this and I read it. https://breakinball.com/stories/nba-players-have-the-most-kids-ch/


Posted by: ogged | Link to this comment | 04-26-22 4:01 PM
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34

The photos in 33 are kind of cracking me up. Shaq - 5 kids, but the photo is of him with a woman and 6 youngsters. And Shawn Bradley - an older guy, a woman, and 3 boys, labeled "6 kids." OK?


Posted by: yndew | Link to this comment | 04-26-22 4:57 PM
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35

it's possible he's the most famous actor whose movies I haven't seen

I think if you use the IMDB Best Actor rankings as a proxy for fame, I can get all the way down to Alain Delon (73), though Daniel Day-Lewis only scrapes into the list by virtue of a very small part in "Gandhi". Actresses, I only get as far as Bette Midler (39, who seems to have a remarkably thin body of work, virtually none of which I've even heard of).


Posted by: ajay | Link to this comment | 04-27-22 2:29 AM
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36

re: 35

Roberto Benigni for me (93). Although I have only seen Yves Montand in some minor role or other (enough that I know I've seen him in something) but not any of his famous films.


Posted by: nattarGcM ttaM | Link to this comment | 04-27-22 6:44 AM
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37

Bette Midler is super famous as a singer/stage performer -- movie actress is more of a sideline. I don't know that I'd think of her as high on a list of great actresses, but she's better than the number of movies she's been in would suggest.


Posted by: LizardBreath | Link to this comment | 04-27-22 6:47 AM
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38

I remember enjoying "That Old Feeling."


Posted by: Moby Hick | Link to this comment | 04-27-22 6:49 AM
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39

ajay must not have had a girlfriend when Beaches was released.


Posted by: peep | Link to this comment | 04-27-22 7:15 AM
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40

I was 10, so no.

I don't know that I'd think of her as high on a list of great actresses, but she's better than the number of movies she's been in would suggest.

No slight on her intended, I was just surprised to see her that high on the list with such a small filmography.


Posted by: ajay | Link to this comment | 04-27-22 8:06 AM
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41

Which lists are you using? These ones?
https://www.imdb.com/list/ls050274118/
https://www.imdb.com/list/ls000055475/

Those lists aren't great for me because there's lots of old people I don't know. I thought mine was going to be Paul Newman, but no, he's in The Hudsucker Proxy. I can't remember if I've seen Guess Who's Coming to Dinner, so could be Spencer Tracy. Gary Cooper. Etc.


Posted by: Unfoggetarian: "Pause endlessly, then go in." (9) | Link to this comment | 04-27-22 8:24 AM
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42

Given my inability to put actors' names to faces, there are dozens of extremely famous actors where I have no idea if I've seen them in a film or not, even though I almost certainly have. Josh Brolin was one that came up just yesterday. Knee the name, but no idea who he was, even after seeing him on Colbert, until they mentioned he was in Avengers Endgame.


Posted by: Ginger Yellow | Link to this comment | 04-27-22 8:40 AM
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43

41: Yeah, there are different IMDB lists out there. I find myself disagreeing a lot more with the women's list. Has Jennifer Connelly been really good in something I'm not aware of? How do you keep Cate Blanchett out of the top 10? And Frances McDormand at 39? You gotta be kidding me!


Posted by: politicalfootball | Link to this comment | 04-27-22 8:47 AM
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44

How do you keep Cate Blanchett out of the top 10?

Cast her in a very tedious Lord of the Rings trilogy.


Posted by: Moby Hick | Link to this comment | 04-27-22 8:50 AM
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45

Connelly is not a good actress. It looks like this is just one guy making a list, not anything official. I would suggest from the top 15 that the person making the list is either creepy or somehow the right age to have had age-appropriate crushes on Connelly and Portman.


Posted by: Unfoggetarian: "Pause endlessly, then go in." (9) | Link to this comment | 04-27-22 8:52 AM
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46

Yeah, Portman is another one. Her biggest break as an actor was playing opposite Hayden Christensen in Star Wars. Next to any other actor, she'd look ridiculously wooden.


Posted by: politicalfootball | Link to this comment | 04-27-22 8:57 AM
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47

I feel the main problem there was the script.


Posted by: Moby Hick | Link to this comment | 04-27-22 9:04 AM
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48

43: Humphrey Bogart is only 31st in the men's list! I am outraged!

Who am I trying to fool? I'm much too enlightened and sophisticated to get worked up about anybody's stupid opinion.


Posted by: peep | Link to this comment | 04-27-22 9:04 AM
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49

I'm kind of amazed that I've seen multiple movies with basically everyone listed so far except maybe Alice Vikander. I think of myself as very unwatched. (Is that the movie equivalent of unread ? Apparently unread is itself an archaic usage . . .)

33's photos are also cracking me up also but mainly b/c the genre of very tall skinny dude presiding over his large but shorter family is somehow innately funny to me. There was an SNL skit set in the TNT show about the Covid situation in January, and Bowel Yang as Yao Ming delivering the line "they're too tiny." has become a catch phrase in my household.


Posted by: Ile | Link to this comment | 04-27-22 9:46 AM
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50

43: yes, lot of issues with those lists. Julie Christie is not in the actresses list at all.


Posted by: ajay | Link to this comment | 04-28-22 1:46 AM
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51

Green Knight was fantastic. I now also want to watch Dark City and Talented Mr Ripley again.


Posted by: yoyo | Link to this comment | 04-28-22 9:40 AM
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