Oh! That wasn't what I was expecting!
What a relief!
I thought the eye contact was for emotional reasons only.
Does anyone here not know who they are?
"if every day was like Christmas, 43% more penile fractures would have occurred in Germany from 2005 on"
There's a learning process with two surprise lessons. First, there is no actual bone. Second, you can still have a fracture.
God in His wisdom took the baculum out.
I have a copy of Mr. T's autobiography. It's a pretty bananas read. Like, he's obviously an extraordinary person, but he's also a little nuts.
For example, opening to a random page:
My training schedule consisted of one and a half miles of running, fifty push-ups, fifty sit-ups, throwing one-hundred-pound sacks, jumping over cars and punching the heavy bag for ten minutes a day. No alcohol, no sex, no parties, no visitors, and no fun! Man, was I mad at the world.... I couldn't sleep. As a matter of fact, for the last week of my training, I slept on the floor so I could be real "mean" on the day of the contest. I know that sounds strange, but I believe in torturing my body because then I will take my pain and hurt out on my opponents. For two days before the contest, I didn't eat. That's right, I was starving. I was hungry. I didn't eat on purpose. That's another one of the tricks I use to make myself mad and angry. But I did eat two things: one whole raw onion and a piece of garlic. Now, that would make anybody mean; it worked on me all right! ... Man, was I ready! I was so psyched up that I could have killed a brick and stabbed a rock.
The whole book is written like that.
9/10: I feel there's a good chance he was making most of this up. But as with most Reddit AITA content, I can believe some people somewhere are that messed up, whether that instance is true or not.
fifty push-ups, fifty sit-ups
If only he'd made it a hundred he could have been one punch man. Fool.
I feel there's a good chance he was making most of this up.
I think about Sarah Marshall's line, roughly how when someone is lying, they're often trying to tell a story that gives the emotional impact of what they're feeling on the inside, and they don't think the actual events merit the intensity of what they feel.
But as with most Reddit AITA content, I can believe some people somewhere are that messed up, whether that instance is true or not.
This is what I often think about reality TV or lurid talk shows: Why are they bothering to stage things when the actual footage would probably come out roughly the same crazy?!
The book definitely reads like Mr. T wrote it by telling his story to an interviewer/ghostwriter. You get the sense that the interviewer was listening to Mr. T with a mildly impressed expression frozen to their face, and Mr. T felt like the interviewer's responses to his stories were insufficient and kept ramping up the stakes to try to impress them.
13.1 / 14: That's an even happier medium.
13.2: Because the genuine messed-up people don't volunteer to be made fun of on TV often enough?
10 & 14 are both good; that makes sense.
But I did eat two things: one whole raw onion and a piece of garlic. Now, that would make anybody mean; it worked on me all right! ... Man, was I ready! I was so psyched up that I could have killed a brick and stabbed a rock.
This reminded me of the climactic scene of an Abbott and Costello movie that I watched on TV as a kid that made such a strong impression on me that I still remember it some 50 years later.
The bad guys are beating up Abbott, but then Costello comes over and seemingly just by breathing on them takes them out one after another.
Abbott is astounded -- "How did you do that?"
Costello explains proudly, "I've gotten super strong by eating Arabian apples!"
Abbott "That's not an apple, that's an onion!"
THE END
17: And that in turn reminds me of how in the beginning of A Tree Grows In Brooklyn, Francie earns like a penny a week from whatever street urchin odd job she has, like ragpicking or whatever. Katie wants her to spend her earnings on an apple, but Francie spends it on candy instead, reasoning that it's a waste of money to buy an apple, since a potato tastes just the same and she can have one for free.
Anyway, I think the takeaway is that in the olden days, people's taste buds were fucked up.
And/or the average street stall apple was very low quality.
I went looking for the video of the stubborn toddler insisting an onion is an apple and then eating to prove a point to her mom and found no fewer than three "stubborn toddlers eating onions" videos. I guess toddlers are stubborner than I thought.
18.last: That would explain the "salads" made of mayonnaise and jello.
So much tar coating their throats, it took a strong flavor.
There's probably something to that, yeah.
The moral of the story is all bald white guys look the same from a distance.
For the record, I sort of intended the post title to be a pun, but I couldn't bring myself to spell it dirty.
It's more disturbing if you remember the next line of the song. Although maybe Goose refers to a woman not a bird, in which case it's totally logical.
27: We're in New Mexico*. Driving out was amused to stop at a "Kum & Go" for gas. And it was not some obscure side road place; rather the service plaza** on the Will Rogers Turnpike (I-44 in NE OK)..
*Until May!
**The McDonalds there appears to be billed as the world's largest.
A previous favorite from that region was "Hep Ur Sef" gas. More towards Texarkana; I would imagine Ross Perot saying it.
I know the Kum & Go! I can't think of any reason we'll be heading west this spring, but you should come visit us in Texas!
Those are in Nebraska. I think I've mentioned it before.
30: That place gets a reference in James McMurtry's 'Choctaw Bingo'! One of the greatest songs in the American songbook.
https://youtu.be/Nggqe-L9ZQ8?si=u_hMfofuyDrd3PBy
Santa Fe. House/pet-sitting for friends. Just dropped them at airport, ate at Milly's, and did one of the canyons at Petroglyphs NM.
The growth of Albuquerque and Rio Rancho on the west side of the river almost beggars belief.
Yeah, there's been a ton of growth in Rio Rancho especially.
Kum & Go is Iowa-based and that's where I got used to it, but the, um, scatter shot seems to have been directed southward and westward: https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Kum_%26_Go#/media/File:Kum&GoFootprint_July2020.png
Omaha needs to go to the dry cleaner.
I like how they skipped over Kansas entirely despite being in all the surrounding states.
34: Ah, did not put that together. A favorite of mine. Not that it needs a cover but Ray Wylie Hubbard* has the perfect voice for it, and does it justice.
*A great late lif emusical discovery for me. I knew Redneck Mothers** earlier, but nothing about the composer.
**HUbbard on that song. "The most important thing you should ask yourself before you write something, Could I play this song for 40 years?"
42 me.
A much younger Hubbard relating genesis of Redneck Mothers in Red River New Mexico.
My sixth grade teacher was a Hubbard, and from the same town as L. Ron.
