You are one wierd duck.
What about trying baby outdoors activities, like day hikes. Then you might meet someone who's outdoorsy but shares your feelings about extreme roughing it.
There's also paddling, where there's a couple advantages when it comes to roughing it. First, you can carry a lot more with you in a canoe - a sizeable airmattress, a two-burner stove, a lantern, and even a tent so big you can stand up in it are no biggy. Also, in whitewater paddling there's a pretty strong tradition of using campgrounds and to drive to different rivers by day. Most campgrounds have showers and electricity.
Now whitewater is more of a nocal thing, but I bet the seakayaking is awesome in southern california.
My dad used to backpack, and I'm pretty sure he never carried his shit out with him. And I don't recall any such thing being in the Complete Walker (third edition), though my reading of it was always pretty piecemeal. Just dig a little pit, would be my best guess for how to proceed. Make sure not to wipe your ass with poison ivy.
I think shit-carrying is a newer, PC invention. You know, if you're gonna drive your SUV up into the woods and all you probably shouldn't destroy nature by leaving a dump there.
BTW Ogged, are you even remotely compatible with this kind of woman? If she's earthy enough, she might volunteer to do the shit-carrying for both of you. :)
Human excrement makes for great fertilizer, or so I'm told.
One or two problems with the shit-carrying thing: you'd want a sturdy container, for obvious reasons, but it would have to be compact enough both when empty and when full that it wouldn't take up too much space in your pack (so a designated shit jar, say, might not be advisable, though I suppose you could hang a nalgene container or two from the sides of your pack), and it would also have to be light enough that the extra weight wouldn't be a burden (especially since, unlike most of what you carry, these things will get heavier as you go). Seems like more trouble than it's worth.
Also, what's the deal with the TinyUrl? That makes sense when you have to copy/paste the url whole, but this ain't Usenet, or if you're trying to get the drop on someone, but this ain't slashdot. Plus they recycle their urls, so at some point in the future that url could point to, say, the goatse man.
But I spent all that money on those capsules expressly so that I could leave sparkly poop on hiking trails. Now you tell me I have to bag it up and take it with me?
I'm starting to question whether you have my best interests at heart, Ogged.
Compatible? Of course not. That's the problem. And also the problem with cw's (who are you calling a duck, buster?) suggestion: I like the women who are into more than just day hikes, but I'm not into anything more than day hikes.
Sorry about the tinyurl, Ben. There's a reason it's there, but it reveals my stupidity in a way I find unattractive, and won't relate.
Apostropher, I'm surprised you don't see the entrepreneurial opportunity in coming out of the woods bearing rock-like, glittery mounds.
It's been about 10 years since I did serious backpacking, so I guess things have changed. For normal backpacking (on dry ground), carrying your shit out seems to be a new thing. It used to be you just dug a hole. Some people carried out their toilet paper, others left it buried, and some used leaves (have to be careful with that one).
But for overnight river trips away from actual campgrounds I think's it's been pretty common for a while to bring along some kind of container on the boat to carry the shit out.
Incidentally, I have a friend who dislikes anything more than camping and he married a girl who was really into backpacking. They seem to get along just fine. And as far as I know he hasn't had to go backpacking.
Ok, I should clarify: I've never done this, but that's because I haven't gone on any of the longer trips with the exes. I'll ask them what all they're doing. The mere prospect of carrying my shit has kept me away.
You could just eat vitamin-fortified honey.
I think ogged, that you are just looking for a classic no-nonsense all-American girl. Backwoods hiking correlates with this personailty type, but since you hate hiking, you're best off looking elsewhere.
As an aside, for long-time trackers of ogged's dating pickiness, does this not help to explain his (previously puzzling) antipathy for non-Swedish foreigners?
Or you could try this:
I know someone who claimed to have gone on a 4 day trip without once taking a shit.
does this not help to explain his (previously puzzling) antipathy for non-Swedish foreigners?
Thank you, baa. There is a lot of truth to that, though I hadn't seen it either. New dilemma: looking for a no-nonsense girl with great tolerance for nonsense.
looking for a no-nonsense girl with great tolerance for nonsense.
It's more common than you would think! You just have to be willing to live with somone in whom you inspire bemusement. It's a big win, sez me.
You don't have to actually go hiking, backpacking, etc. with her. She could do that with her earthy buddies and you could do whatever it is that you do with your buddies. You get the roughin' it woman without having to rough it yourself.
And you do stuff that you both enjoy together. Of course, here I'm assuming that there will be more to your relationship than merely your attraction to her earthy ways.
baa is right. Smart women long ago grew used to dating men who make atrocious puns, by which other forms of nonsense pale in comparison.
Oh god, I hate puns. The ex is a punner, and five years of scowling and shaking my head didn't break her. In fact, I hate nerd humor, and can't stand They Might Be Giants. Roarrr!!!
He says, impotently.
From the hiking books I looked over for a recent trip to Yellowstone, it appears that taking the whole "pack out what you packed in" approach to poo is restricted to only a few parks (I know Grand Canyon is one). Digging a trench and then covering it up seems to be the way to go; you can even buy a nice tool for the job.
"Oh god, I hate puns."
And yet you still link to me?
Hate the pun, love the punner.
Oddly, I think punning is a sign of good character. One pun, and I'm happy to have you as a friend; two or more puns, and I'm putting up with you, for the sake of the friendship.
I know someone who claimed to have gone on a 4 day trip without once taking a shit.
I got trained to lead a short backpacking trip by an outward bound leader who said their training included dealing with severe constipation in those who refuse to shit in the woods. After a couple weeks, they get told they may have to stick a finger in and pull out the impacted lump. It makes carrying your own shit look good.
That said, I've left all my shit in the woods. But carried out the TP.
I'm with you on They Might Be Giants. Their kids album is pretty fun, but it drives my wife nuts, so we don't listen to that much either.
Punning is the art of the gods. I live for punning.
they get told they may have to stick a finger in and pull out the impacted lump
I think the mere act of telling backpackers about the possibility in advance would be enough to relieve any nature-anxiety-induced constipation. Ewww.
the peculiar sort of not-girliness that isn't ideological or hippy-dippy
Does it have to be camping? What about a girl who's, like, an awesome auto mechanic? Or really good at sailing (see, e.g. Sherry)? Or a bush pilot (see, e.g. Northern Exposure)?
I guess what I'm asking is: is it the outdoorsiness that attracts? Or the confidence and competence? Because if the latter, although you'd still have somewhat of a dilemma, it would be a lesser one.
Hey, why doesn't italics work anymore?
They didn't work for me either (which is why I used quotation marks), but then they did work for cw two comments later. I'm confused.
I think his point is that he suffers the exact fate of any highly self aware, intelligent and unmotivated 30 something single male -- he knows what he wants but can't seem to muster gumption to get there from here-- and he's ok with that. So please stop trying to solve his "dilemma'' and please let him revel in the intensely masturbation augmenting, self-indulgent, self-pity that feeds his not-so-thinly-veiled self loathing. It keeps his sheets wet.
please excuse the consistent misuse of the comma in the above post
I'm from the Middle-East
Okay ... but
Did we fight the Huns for a reason, or not?Who's "we"?
Italics should work again. Sorry about that. I added the "strike" tag, but forgot to include the "i" tag. Ben, how do you put tags in text when you're mentioning, and not using them? Thanks. Italics. Strike. Hooray!
Middle-Easterners are not Huns, far as I know. Their precise origin seems unknown.
It's good to have a hater around who writes in (more or less) coherent sentences. I'll say in my defense that I was almost married, after all. And my exes totally rock. So these women exist, and I've had some luck in finding them, and getting them to spend at least a few years with me ;) The dilemma, though rendered somewhat comically, is a real one, though perhaps you'd put it less charitably: I'm attracted to women who seem to be more competent and motivated than I am. Maybe. Though I can usually keep up, long as I don't have to carry my shit in a bag.
And do you really think I'm inclined to forgive your misuse of the comma, you fucking illiterate?
Does it have to be camping? What about a girl who's, like, an awesome auto mechanic?
This looks likely to me -- you might also consider carpenters/cabinetmakers, women who do long-distance road biking (similar personality to hikers, but involves ready access to plumbing, and is easier to keep up with), certain types of artists (I'm thinking here of sculptors, particularly those who weld).... Now, obviously you can't just walk out the door and run into an attractive welder, but if you can generalize the personality type you're attracted to, I think you're in better shape for finding someone.
Good point, Mitch. There are two things: the competence and confidence, and also the ungirliness. The outdoorsy women seem to have both. But surely there are other activities where those things can be found, and which provide for the proper disposal of human excrement. Sailing's a good one. Bush pilots are crazy. Surely there are others.
Carpenters! Bikers! Welders!
You rock, LB. Does welding sound very sexy to anyone else, or am I nuts? Or just thinking of Jennifer Beal?
Why, one simply has to employ the HTML entities for the less-than and greater-than signs! They are < and >, respectively. To display an ampersand: & (of course to display "&" you have to write in the text-entry field "&amp;"). Thus: <em>.
Ogged, you should consider this woman. True, she's foreign, but she knows her way around a soldering iron and will build you an IR receiver for your computer.
You might could enroll in a cabinetry class.
Illiterate? hardly.
Let me clarify. My only point is that all the "do-gooders" on this blog seem intent on making their proportional contribution to this embarrassingly sincere little love fest. "Oh...dear Ogged is suffering a bout of loneliness, let's rely on his assessment of his situation and no first hand or otherwise conceivably objective information on which to base our analysis and subsequent recommendations for how to alter his behavior in the hopes of finding a suitable mate!"
grrrr.... I say, let's simply appreciate Ogged's observations re: his dismal love life, relate them to our own (or recollections thereof), and have a good little chuckle...
It's not just you, ogged, welders are hott. Especially sculptress welders.
Speaking of which, until you find someone you could get one of those Rosie the Riveter "We Can Do It" posters, and stash it under your mattress. Or something.
Say, I wonder if unfogged-hater will set up an "Unfogged Watch" website. Then you'll know you've truly made it in the wild wild world of blogging.
I'm a woman, orignally from the midwest, just north of Chicago. Out there (I no longer live there), I think that the kind of aestheic that Ogged refers to is rampant. At the risk of sounding arrogant, I can't tell you how may men have pursued me simply because they think that I'm somehow engaged with the world by virtue of my love of camping, hiking, etc (all wrapped up in an REI brand)... only to find the they are not similarly inclined. Sometimes I wonder whether its nothing more than having grown up in a Northface suburb, surrounded by SUVs and golden retrievers...the new beauty myth. All of that being said, I must confess that I keep dating guys like this--on the sly. I married our high school basketball star and when he went off to an Ivy, surrounded by other "take the bull by the horns" guys, I grew dissatisfied with his apparent inability to enjoy doing nothing at all. We're divorcing this year. If I ever date again, I'll be certain to find someone who loves the thought of me more than the me "in-itself." I prefer to be coveted than to share. So, Ogged, don't lose hope, we're out here.
Maybe it's because your name is "Kitty Darfour".
...or maybe it's because irony is lost on people who use their real names to blog
Uh, Kitty, I grew up in the midwest, just north of Chicago, in an SUV and golden retriever suburb. This could be very funny.
Hey, you wench/bastard! Unfogged-hater and Kitty Darfour are the same person!
Bah! Do I have a real friend in the world? Kitty Hater just friggin' called me, since it's a high-school friend who decided to yank my chain.
...or maybe it's because irony is lost on people who use their real names to blog
To whom might you be referring?
There are two things: the competence and confidence, and also the ungirliness.
Between this and the post on hot male athletes, you're building a pretty good case for switch-hitting. Maybe it the answer to this post is: there's lots more gayer it could get.
As someone posted over at the apostropher recently, if we don't give irony a rest soon it's just gonna quit.
You don't really think that writing about male athletes' bodies makes a guy gay, do you? And I'm pretty sure that the aversion to girliness is a result of being raised by an ungirly mother who never had any patience for girly-girls. In fact, in Farsi, there are two useful words, and maybe some of you native speakers know the English analogues. Loos (pronounced like "goose"), which refers to affectedly precious or self-infantilizing behavior--used most often to describe how girls act for daddy; and gherti, which is a (soft) pejorative (probably closest to "foppish"), refering to people who like to get all dressed up.
I think the keyword for your personal ads is probably "low-maintenance." Or at least not "high maintenance." Those are the people who carry their Special Products with them wherever they go. Someone who may wear makeup, but isn't uncomfortable without it. Etc.
Once I dated a girl who wouldn't let me roll down the windows in the car on because it would mess up her hair.
Since unfogged-hater won't let me help you with your love life, I'll post my observations about sculptors.
Years back I was on a play reading comittee for a local (but open to anyone) playwright competition. I had the pleasure of reading over three houndred unpublished plays. It really was mostly a pleasure.
My observation is that if a playwright wants a character who is way out there artsy fartsy the playwright will always depict a sculptor. Always. Every time.
Is the stereotype true about sculptors? I have no idea.
Ogged, now that you're getting your chain yanked, will you still do more posts on your romantic life?
Hey Ogged -- would you believe me if I told you that I'm low maintenance? ;) And I own my own drill and a soldering iron...
Tripp -- I've only known one sculptor but he was pretty manly and not the least bit artsy-fartsy. Sculpting can be rugged/physical work.
When are we going to get posts about Fontana's romantic life? I'm sustaining a blog on a romatic life that comprises one party, zero dates, and no sex in the past year (and counting). You gotta have something.
PG, I'm going to wait until you work up the nerve to ask me out properly, rather than dropping all these hints.
Dude, she just asked you. That's not a hint, it's a hammer.
Also, Fontana is still in morning for the lovely lady Elizabeth. Have some respect.
baa, is this a typo I see before me? I thought you went to school somewhere in Boston.
baa, is this a typo I see before me?
Ogged had one too ("romatic"). But what I want to say, today, and here, is that for some time I've thought that the beginning of that monologue would do very well unchanged in a pornographic version of the Scottish play: "is this a dagger I see before me, the handle toward my hand? Come, let me clutch thee. I have thee not and yet I see thee still, in form as palpable as that which now I draw.".
w-lfs-n, take it from me, a guy who needs to get out more: you need to get out more.
Wait, let's back up a bit. You DON'T LIKE They Might Be Giants?
No wonder you're not getting laid.
If that's the problem, I'm joining the Jesuits.
FL, is that based on my punctilious punctuational peccadilloes, my eagle-like typo finding, or my thoughts concerning the thane of Cawdor? In any case, I think you're right. On both thursday and wednesday there were concerts I wanted to attend (Tin Hat Trio and Ted Sirota's Rebel Souls, anti-respectively) that I didn't go to (I was up since five-thirty on wednesday and had gone to bed at something like 1 that morning, so I was pretty tired, and on thursday the concert started half an hour after my german class ended). Then there's tomorrow, when I won't be able to attend a concert involving:
* Dina Maccabee, Amy Cimini, Kevin Davis, Brian Dibblee, Aram Shelton, Stuart Bogie, Daniel Bennett, Colin Stetson, Jason Shevitz, Dan Sylvester, Tackett Brown, Tim Daisy, Frank Rosaly, Joshua Tillinghast, Nathaniel Braddock, Jason Ajemian & Toby Summerfield
? at the Open End Gallery - 2000 W. Fulton 3rd fl. because I'll be at a metafilter meetup at practically the other side of town. And Amy Cimini is cute.
At least I'm going out tonight, and next weekend.
Also, I relay to you the question: "in what sense?".
"Peccadillo" turns out not to mean what I thought it meant. Please ignore.
Fontana,
We were taught that spelling and typing would be taken care of by our staff.
On the TMBG issue, I like 'em. But I have never heard the suggestion that being a TBMG fan had a positive effect on dating. Aren't they the band of nerdy computer scientists par excellence?
I have never heard the suggestion that being a TBMG fan had a positive effect on dating
Ditto. b's just trying to universalize her taste.
w-lfs-n, you have a bright future as "staff."
Sigh. Ogged, would you do me the pleasure of taking me on a date tonight?
This is your one chance. You say no, you don't get asked again ...
As for TMBG, Graham Maby played with them for a while and he's mighty cute, but I don't know what they have to do with sex, dating, etc.
Hey, two years of blogging finally pays off. Sure, pg, come on over.
Oh, I would never want my taste universalized. Then I'd have to be one of the masses.
Having said that. "nerdy computer scientists," yes. Otherwise known as "the kind of funny witty smart, kinda geeky-cool guys that smart women often really like."
w-lfs-n, you have a bright future as "staff."
As opposed to what, "faculty."? Ought I feel, as I do, vaguely insulted?
It was in reference to baa's comment about staff at comment 65. And yes, to feel insulted is appropriate.
Damn, between the grammar police and the pc police, it's getting hard to get any air in here. It would be a fucking disaster if Ben w-lfs-n, smart guy with a degree from the University of Chicago, ended up anywhere with the title "staff."
I actually came up with this a couple of weeks ago.
Is this a Blogger, which I see before me,
The Template on my Screen? Come, let me clutch thee:
I know thee not, and yet I read thee still.
Art thou not human Tissue, sensible
To feeling, as to sight? or art thou but
A Blogger of the Minde, a false Creation,
Proceeding from the work-oppressed Braine?
I read thee yet, in posts as legible,
As this which now I write.
And yes, I appear to get out even less than w-lfs-n.
If you'd really like to experience not getting out enough, try having kids.
Hey, whose blog should we check for the report on the big Ogged/PG date?
I am inches away from murdering a compulsive punster. Irritating doesn't begin to describe it. I'm looking for justification to classify it as clinically passive-aggressive. I've already established it as a symptom of psychosis.
