Please, call the "FUVs."
I want to get a bunch of bumper stickers that say "Soldiers died in Hummers so I could drive this one!" and then go cruising parking lots.
Please, I love my big golf umbrella, and I hate those tiny collapsibles that break every three months. It's easy to share the space with others - there's always someone at lunch who doesn't have an umbrella - and if I lift it up high your little cocktail umbrella will slide by right under the corner.
Did you just say that I have a small penis?
I'm just saying if I was riding my bike to work on some crappy day and saw you holding that little mai tai decoration, I'd totally splash you.
and if I lift it up high[,] your little cock... will slide by right under the corner.
SUV's are an absurd example of conspicuous consumption and self-centered "safety" benefits. They require a ridiculous amount of fuel to operate, more materials and energy to produce, and achieve their supposed safety advantage by putting people who have small cars at greater risk.
Something like 60 percent of the energy used in the US goes into automotive fuel tanks. Therefore a meaningful increase in average fuel economy of the installed base of autos would have a drastic effect on our dependance on foreign oil, cut greenhouse emmisions, etc. etc. blah blah blah.
I realize these issues may seem trivial compared to the pleasure of driving a plodding, awkward behemoth. Oh Well. My wife and I share a Audi S4 Avant and a Mini. Both are safe, fun, practical, efficient, are a pleasure to drive in any condition.
The combined mileage of our personal "fleet" is about 30mpg. The S4 has 8 air bags and a great safety rating. On the occasion when I have an opportunity to drive a rental or friend's SUV I am always stunned by how badly they do EVERYTHING. The handle like turds, have a lousy ride quality, (not surprising since most are built on truck chasis), take forever to stop or change direction, have very bad road-feel/feedback in the snow and ice, are murder to park, and no matter what lies owners tell you about the mileage they get, the last Ford Expedition I rented to haul a trade show exhibit got a whopping 11 MPG on the highway. . . . in short I just find myself laughing inside at what lousy vehicles they really are and how people can be duped into buying this wastefull, irresponsible trash. If I needed the cargo/passenger space I would buy an intelligently designed, well made and efficient unit like an Element with AWD - an SUV without the negatives.
Not only are the SUUs an irritation and a hazard when we're walking along (and I'm in Manhattan - we're really shoulder to shoulder here) but the same eejits then carry and SWING them horizontally when walking along before/after the rain, threatening people's kneecaps and crotches in a pretty scary way.
But, but Mark, SUV owners think the SUVs are SEXY! Yeah baby! And minivans are STODGY.
Slow down, Mark. Only about 30% of energy consumed in the US is for transportation (and that includes things like rail and airplanes). That's a large and growing portion of energy use, but it's not 60%. You might be thinking of the percentage of petroleum that is used for transportation.
Of course CAFE standards should be raised, but that can only play a small role in a more comprehensive energy policy.
The reality is that even doubling the gas mileage of the US auto fleet (not easy) will not eliminate dependence on OPEC, due to declining production in the US and the sheer size of Saudi capacity (they can reduce production by a ton and still be the swing producer). And there is no magic bullet for reducing carbon emissions.
Just trying to be realistic about what needs to be done... it's going to take far, far more than more efficient cars.