You don't think that the obvious answer is that the handwasher comes in, hoping to clear something truly vile out of his system (either quite audibly or olfactorily) and realizes upon entrance that if he were to do so, poeple would know it was him? In order to minimize his shame, he gives himself a figleaf by washing his hands?
People are weird about bathrooms, especially public ones, ogged.
gives himself a figleaf
What does this mean? That's the question.
I meant in the social sense--he's creating a construct where neither he nor anyone else need ever acknowledge that he wanted to take the Browns to the SuperBowl. (tm someone)
Presumably because someone at some time taught him that shitting was something to be ashamed of, dirty and unclean.
I get a little freaked out when someone sits down next to me and starts shitting. Do you me to detail why?
So he can't admit that he was going to shit? So the hand-washing is a ruse born of shame: I don't shit, I'm just here to wash my hands? (Complication: I've been in the stall when there's no one else around and the person still washes his hands before he leaves. What's that about?)
He's got the pee-shy, ogged, and doesn't want anybody to know.
I suspect that this means the guy is fucked up. Like, serial killer fucked up. Ask w-lfs-n if he knows the guy.
Lots of people do it, not just one guy.
(I know I'm being difficult, but I can't get an answer to this question.)
some guys get pee shy. The type of guy to get pee shy is the type of guy to be ashamed that he gets pee shy. Hence the handwashing ritual.
Either that, or there is some kind of ritualistic bathroom sex act that all the men perform at your office excepting yourself. Sometimes they go in expecting such, and seeing ogged, think "shit, no urinal group sex today," and to hide their secret purpose, wash their hands.
For the ritual hand-washer, the presence of another profanes his sacred space:
After saying, "To me, BM can also stand for 'Buddha Movement,'" Kubose waxes eloquent for a couple of pages on that particular scatological term, reclaiming its Buddhist intent, which has something to do with the transitory nature of the body.
"The privacy of a bathroom is a great place for quiet reflection," Kubose continues. "I think about how my morning hygiene routine has become part of a daily spiritual practice. I like that. The bathroom's cozy privacy brings out intimate conversations that one can have with oneself.
I'm extremely squeamish talking about this kind of thing, but it also happens in the ladies'. Chopper's got it in #5. I don't know what the explanation for men, but there's definitely a girls-don't-do-that socialization out there for women.
I believe one of the definitive essays on that particular topic can be found here.
Ogged's absence of a butt keeps him from participating in the office buttsex ring!
OH hell. Can't link.
http://www.drunkenbee.com/archives/000082.html
ogged:
You're being wilfully obtuse. Chopper gave you the answer. As a member of the discussed tribe, I'll repeat it: I don't like to crap around other people. I'm not generally embarrassed by it, but at the moment I walk into the bathroom, it seems very silly, like not being comfortable showering with other guys at the gym. So I invent an excuse for being there (fake pee, hand wash, gay sex, etc.) and then leave.
What's complicated about that?
Susan, I was happier when you couldn't link.
One more time: why do you need to invent an excuse? Specifically, when there's no one around who can see you, why do you still pretend that you came to wash your hands. If you're all so damn clear about your need for privacy when you shit, why the ritual self-delusion?
I don't let technology get between me and a good #2 story.
But the booger on the neck was too much.
Because just leaving is as good as admitting that you need to be gross. And if you wash your hands you can suffer under the delusion that the person in the stall might just think that a really clean person came in. Obviously, the person in the stall does know, but you can share in a mutual suspension of reality and the awkward situation seems saved.
I bet Japanese women don't get boogers on their necks.
I've got more. Here's what happens when those social conventions are ignored.
Because differing people have different information about you. Someone might recognize the pace of your walk, for example. Or someone outside the bathroom might see you go in, the person in the stall would know you walked out (after having waited a moment so the person outside would think you were doing something), and the two of them might assemble the full story from the pieces.
Crazy? Yes. But no more so than any number of other idiosyncratic habits we all have.
Heres' my favorite comment from the post susan linked:
Awesome. I pee in the shower every morning, too! My fiancee thinks it's gross. But he's got poo issues and is a bit of a prude. He can't poop anywhere but at home. I admit, I have troubles pooping in public places (like when things get grunty), but it's better than "crowning" while trying to work or shop.
It's not necessarily about needing to be gross. I like to read when I send the Browns to the Super Bowl, but I don't like it to be known that I'm reading in the stall. For whatever reason—probably because someone at some time tought me that reading was something to be ashamed of, dirty and unclean. It so happens that the Browns don't stand a chance if I don't have a newspaper.
But I don't wash my hands, I blow my nose.
I don't even want to know what "crowning" is.
It's the stage of childbirth where the head has started to poke out.
I'm surprised that didn't come up here.
And apparently there's quite a bit of bathroom scholarship—too much for Roger Kimball's taste.
the Browns don't stand a chance if I don't have a newspaper.
Why does reading help things along? Is there, in addition to the "shy bladder", a "current events colon"?
God I hate Roger Kimball.
I suspect reading helps because it lets the body do what the body does, without undue interference from the conscious mind. Too many cooks, you know.
A watched pot never boils.
A pinch of salt, a dash of cayenne, mmm.
so ogged, do you let loose loudly when there are other people in the bathroom?
Dear Mr. Kimball,
I printed out your recent weblog post so that I could make use of it in the smallest room of my house.
Whatcha doing in the pantry, eb?
One more time: why do you need to invent an excuse?
Because when a human being knows that, deep within himself, there is something horrible, he instinctively knows that if anyone else were to realize his secret's enormity it would be the end of everything. They must not find out the truth.
Come to think of it, large parts of Crime and Punishment could probably be read as an allegory about needing to go to the bathroom.
And Les Miserables
After all, Jean Valjean was originally sent to prison for pinching a loaf.
Re 36: tweedle, I know my reasons, I want to know other people's reasons.
re: 13
Entire relationships have ended over this.
My reason? Shitting is enjoyable. I wouldn't want someone to ruin my experience by having noisy, sloppy diarrhea in the stall next to mine. Nor would I want any loud pooing to take place (the plopping, etc.). In turn, I decide to wait my turn, or take my business elsewhere.
And there should be reciprocal respect for the man on the john. I hate it when I haven't even made it to the op-ed page and someone takes the stall beside me. Why doesn't he just wash his hands and go to another bathroom?
Ditto that, Cappola! If I knew who was taking the stall next to me, we would be lifelong enemies!
Your simple recipe for revenge? Take a Hershey bar with you every time you go to the can. The next time someone sits next to you, melt some of the candy bar onto your hand, then stick under the stall wall and say, "Hey buddy, can you spare some TP?"
No interruptions, please! With this Buddha movement, ogged may reach nirvana.
Coming to this late, and can offer no insight, but what do we say about a man who assiduously washes his hands before going into the stall?
Other than Ewww, of course.
Other possibilities for the washing of hands:
1) I really just came in to pop zits.
2) I sometimes like people to think I'm OCD.
3) Just finished masturbating in my cubicle. Time for cleanup.
I'm with Kriston, I have more anxiety related to secondary reading material-related issues than with the deed itself. Don't want people knowing there may be items hanging around my cubicle that have been in unclean places. Fortunately, there's a dude working at the Permanent Mission of Chile to the Organization of American States who's started helpfully leaving a copy of USA Today around the 7th floor bathroom every morning so there's no need to bring my own stuff in.