Re: Our long national nightmare is finally over

1

No legal bills is the least of it. How many times do you think Bill has had sex since leaving the oval office?


Posted by: baa | Link to this comment | 06-14-05 4:37 PM
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2

Oh, an awful, awful lot, baa. That brings a smile to my face too.


Posted by: FL | Link to this comment | 06-14-05 4:38 PM
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3

He certainly looks like a happy man these days. I don't think Hillary has a serious shot at the presidency, but there's something charming about the picture of Bill kicking back in the White House, eating potato chips and kibitzing as she works.


Posted by: LizardBreath | Link to this comment | 06-14-05 4:44 PM
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4

If by kibitzing you mean ...


Posted by: text | Link to this comment | 06-14-05 4:47 PM
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5

socializing.


Posted by: text | Link to this comment | 06-14-05 4:48 PM
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6

FL:

I like the Clinton family, and I felt bad for Chelsea and Hillary during the Lewinsky thing, but there's a small part of me that wishes Bill would get caught bedding Jenna or Not Jenna (or both). There's just something delicious about something so funny and malicious.


Posted by: SomeCallMeTim | Link to this comment | 06-14-05 5:20 PM
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7

Ick. Having sex with Bush's daughters as a way to express hostility? Ick. (The 'ick', of course, is not directed toward Bill, who hasn't to my knowledge done or thought of any such thing.)


Posted by: LizardBreath | Link to this comment | 06-14-05 5:28 PM
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8

I'm astonished. On the short-lived Dana Carvey Show, the eponymous host did a hilarious bit as Bill Clinton expressing his urgent craving for "stinky, sloppy sex". Despite this, and despite that the Internet is 82% porn, this phrase appears nowhere in Googlespace.


Posted by: Standpipe Bridgeplate | Link to this comment | 06-14-05 5:30 PM
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9

Dude, word that Jenna had gone down on Bill would totally make up for 100,000 dead Iraqis. If he also said "Who's your daddy?" the world in which Hiroshima occurred would be redeemed.

In closing, Tim is sick.


Posted by: ogged | Link to this comment | 06-14-05 5:31 PM
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10

3. I think that's what Bill was doing during his terms anyway. That is his charm. I hope he makes a gazillion dollars for the dems before his heart explodes. Then we can replace neocon bots with humans in the White House.


Posted by: text | Link to this comment | 06-14-05 5:32 PM
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11

9. Amen, dude.


Posted by: text | Link to this comment | 06-14-05 5:34 PM
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12

Seriously though, how many? And anyone famous? I really haven't followed the rumors. My expectation is that (making allowances for the 90s and the need for a low press profile) he's been Wilt Chamberlain. Anyone heard anything?


Posted by: baa | Link to this comment | 06-14-05 5:37 PM
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13

Seriously? You don't think he's given most of that up? The guy just had a heart attack. He doesn't look so spry to me.


Posted by: ogged | Link to this comment | 06-14-05 5:39 PM
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14

1. I'd bet money that Bill hasn't done this.

2. In the hypothetical, Bill wouldn't be acting out of malice.

3. In the hypothetical, Jenna/Not Jenna would be acting to sate perfectly normal urges (or not, who cares).

4. The malice is obviously attributable to me, but I'm not sure how it differs from prior wishing that various Republicans get caught cheating on their spouses during the impeachment of Clinton.

5. I'm not sure where the implication that the hypothetical was supposed to redress wrongs or protest policies comes; it is, as I said, purely malicious fun. I laughed when I heard the NYC bar re Jenna/Not Jenna - same thing here.

6. I'm willing to be convinced that this is strong evidence that I'm evil (not sick, ogged - take a moral stand), but I'm really not seeing it.


Posted by: SomeCallMeTim | Link to this comment | 06-14-05 5:41 PM
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15

I was going to say, contra 7 supra, that it'd be okay so long as it were consensual. But honestly, who can resist fellating Bill Clinton? No one is a free agent in the presence of his unit.


Posted by: Standpipe Bridgeplate | Link to this comment | 06-14-05 5:42 PM
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16

If that were the case, SB, I'd expect him to spend a lot more time curled up like a rabbit.


Posted by: ben w-lfs-n | Link to this comment | 06-14-05 5:46 PM
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17

Wait, apostropher has met the Willy. I wonder if he has something to tell us.


Posted by: ogged | Link to this comment | 06-14-05 5:46 PM
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18

This guy has a picture of himself with Clinton in his offices. Just sayin'.


Posted by: ben w-lfs-n | Link to this comment | 06-14-05 5:48 PM
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19

Oh cripes. You realize, of course, that #17 is going to be the basis of an addendum to the H. Clinton book, don't you?


Posted by: SomeCallMeTim | Link to this comment | 06-14-05 5:49 PM
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20

Fellating, however, eliminates the possibility of a Jenna/NotJenna pregnancy, which would surely lend a new and interesting light to the Republicans' stance on abortion.


Posted by: | Link to this comment | 06-14-05 5:50 PM
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21

This guy has a picture of himself with Clinton in his offices.


That picture probably gets a lot of action.


Posted by: Standpipe Bridgeplate | Link to this comment | 06-14-05 5:51 PM
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22

10, 11 -- written by an imposter. be gone!


Posted by: text | Link to this comment | 06-14-05 5:51 PM
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23

6. I'm willing to be convinced that this is strong evidence that I'm evil (not sick, ogged - take a moral stand), but I'm really not seeing it.

The 'ick' was momentary revulsion, not anything that's all that big a deal. If you rephrase it to "Wouldn't it be great if Clinton screwed Jenna? Her father would be humiliated," does it make more sense? Hey, look, she's an appendage, unimportant in herself but through which the men in her family can be attacked!

But it's not a big issue, just a momentary 'ick'.


Posted by: LizardBreath | Link to this comment | 06-14-05 5:52 PM
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24

I think that's judy impostering you text; she really must be drunk. Judy, sober up.


Posted by: ogged | Link to this comment | 06-14-05 5:54 PM
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25

curled up like a rabbit

The heart attack wasn't just Big Macs and international relations.


Posted by: Standpipe Bridgeplate | Link to this comment | 06-14-05 5:54 PM
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26

oh well -- she didn't particularly defame me. I didn't mean the drunk comment as an insult.


Posted by: text | Link to this comment | 06-14-05 5:57 PM
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27

The charisma of Bill Clinton is absolutely palpable in his presence. I met him in a crowd behind Sitterson Hall on UNC's campus, but y'know, the right lighting, a nice bottle of wine, I might blow Bill Clinton.


Posted by: apostropher | Link to this comment | 06-14-05 5:59 PM
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28

Hey, one of our few rules is no impersonating each other.


Posted by: ogged | Link to this comment | 06-14-05 5:59 PM
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29

Perhaps the ersatz text is text with a moustache.


Posted by: apostropher | Link to this comment | 06-14-05 6:02 PM
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30

absolutely palpable

If he had his own TV show to chronicle his debauches, that's what they should call it.


Posted by: Standpipe Bridgeplate | Link to this comment | 06-14-05 6:04 PM
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31

Short form: "Alp Palb".


Posted by: Standpipe Bridgeplate | Link to this comment | 06-14-05 6:05 PM
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32

Kick me!


Posted by: Standpipe Bridgeplate | Link to this comment | 06-14-05 6:05 PM
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33

22. 24. No way. You didn't see the half of it, texticles. Just kidding. I'll behave.


Posted by: Judy | Link to this comment | 06-14-05 6:06 PM
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34

If Judy would like she may appropriate the name "text with a moustache" and act as my unfogged nemesis.


Posted by: text | Link to this comment | 06-14-05 6:07 PM
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35

Only if she's fast.


Posted by: text with a moustache | Link to this comment | 06-14-05 6:16 PM
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36

But it's not a big issue, just a momentary 'ick'

You're right, it's unseemly and beneath the dignity of such a place as this. Wouldn't it kick ass if Bill Clinton fucked Laura Bush?


Posted by: apostropher | Link to this comment | 06-14-05 6:19 PM
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37

Would it kick ass if Bill Clinton fucked George W. Bush?


Posted by: ben w-lfs-n | Link to this comment | 06-14-05 6:20 PM
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38

He wouldn't even have to do it at the Mineshaft.


Posted by: ben w-lfs-n | Link to this comment | 06-14-05 6:20 PM
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39

What are the odds he is scheming for a way to achieve such, then announce it by way of public apology?


Posted by: text | Link to this comment | 06-14-05 6:20 PM
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40

Would it ever.


Posted by: apostropher | Link to this comment | 06-14-05 6:20 PM
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41

39 goes to 36, but might as well go to 37.


Posted by: text | Link to this comment | 06-14-05 6:21 PM
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42

Would it kick ass...

I meant to write "wouldn't it".


Posted by: ben w-lfs-n | Link to this comment | 06-14-05 6:23 PM
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43

i wondered what goes on at this blog.

Thanks for the confirmation.


Posted by: Webster | Link to this comment | 06-14-05 6:24 PM
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44

It's all cock jokes and philosophy, Webster. Not necessarily in that order.


Posted by: apostropher | Link to this comment | 06-14-05 6:25 PM
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45

42- Yes, "would it" is so much more tentative and shy, Ben.


Posted by: ac | Link to this comment | 06-14-05 6:28 PM
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46

He lowered his defenses. They can be penetrated.


Posted by: Standpipe Bridgeplate | Link to this comment | 06-14-05 6:30 PM
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47

At the Mineshaft.


Posted by: apostropher | Link to this comment | 06-14-05 6:31 PM
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48

It's almost as though he uttered the words while curled up like a rabbit.


Posted by: ac | Link to this comment | 06-14-05 6:32 PM
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49

34. I like the name "Texticles" (pronounced Tex-tee-clees") better, Ok?


Posted by: Judy | Link to this comment | 06-14-05 6:43 PM
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50

already taken.


Posted by: Texticles | Link to this comment | 06-14-05 6:50 PM
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51

I know what rabbits do when they curl up like that, and I assure you, ac, and everyone else, that even in my most curled-up, I am not curled up like a rabbit.


Posted by: ben w-lfs-n | Link to this comment | 06-14-05 6:52 PM
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52

You're making that up. Be gone fake Texticles.


Posted by: Texicles IV | Link to this comment | 06-14-05 6:53 PM
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53

You're all a bunch of pus-ejaculating wankers as far as I'm concerned.


Posted by: F. Winston Codpiece IV | Link to this comment | 06-14-05 6:57 PM
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54

Oh, whoops, I understood the original rabbit reference to be describing a defensive stance, shy & self-protective. Which would make 48 make sense.


Posted by: ac | Link to this comment | 06-14-05 6:58 PM
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55

Indeed it would. But instead I was referring to their prodigious appetite for their own excreta.


Posted by: ben w-lfs-n | Link to this comment | 06-14-05 7:00 PM
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56

even in my most curled-up

How disappointing for you, that rabbithood should lie just beyond your reach.


Posted by: Standpipe Bridgeplate | Link to this comment | 06-14-05 7:00 PM
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57

I got the wrong end of the rabbit.


Posted by: ac | Link to this comment | 06-14-05 7:01 PM
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58

Given 55, I withdraw 56. I misconstrued the implication in a more straightforwardly kinky way.


Posted by: Standpipe Bridgeplate | Link to this comment | 06-14-05 7:02 PM
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59

I'm still disappointed.


Posted by: text | Link to this comment | 06-14-05 7:04 PM
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60

The sex life of rabbits is so confusing.


Posted by: ac | Link to this comment | 06-14-05 7:05 PM
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61

58: that's what I meant with regard to Clinton, but I thought rabbits would be an appropriate animal referent since if they aren't hungry they can always go for auto-fellatio or -cunnilingus (or an auto-rimjob).


Posted by: ben w-lfs-n | Link to this comment | 06-14-05 7:06 PM
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62

Protein shakes for everyone. Super.


Posted by: Standpipe Bridgeplate | Link to this comment | 06-14-05 7:10 PM
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63

auto-coneylingus?


Posted by: LizardBreath | Link to this comment | 06-14-05 7:11 PM
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64

They're lapin it up.


Posted by: Standpipe Bridgeplate | Link to this comment | 06-14-05 7:14 PM
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65

By 'it', you mean their servings of hare pie?


Posted by: LizardBreath | Link to this comment | 06-14-05 7:22 PM
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66

Whichever emissions they prefer, really.

According to this Biblical exegesis, what our cuddly poop-snackers do is properly called "refection". Nice word, shorter than autocoprophagy.


Posted by: Standpipe Bridgeplate | Link to this comment | 06-14-05 7:36 PM
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67

Sounds kind of non-specific, though. Doesn't 'refection' just mean eating?


Posted by: LizardBreath | Link to this comment | 06-14-05 8:00 PM
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68

I hope so, or else I'm never going into a refectory.


Posted by: ben w-lfs-n | Link to this comment | 06-14-05 8:03 PM
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69

Good point. I wondered about the connection to rfectoire myself. (Can't help it. I'm Proudly Pretentious.) But I muddled on believing there might be some etymological distinction. Perhaps the word we're after is "refecation"?


Posted by: Standpipe Bridgeplate | Link to this comment | 06-14-05 8:12 PM
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70

Guillemets, even. Impressive.


Posted by: ac | Link to this comment | 06-14-05 8:15 PM
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71

It depends on whether memorizing funky keystrokes is impressive or pathetic.

Answer: pathetic.


Posted by: Standpipe Bridgeplate | Link to this comment | 06-14-05 8:25 PM
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72

I think my name is too big it weirds the line-wrapping under "Latest Comments". Would you (whomever is reading) support making implicit my explicit "Bridgeplate"? Or ought I keep it the same, for the sake of continutity?

This is related to the Clintons and rabbit hygiene somehow.


Posted by: Standpipe Bridgeplate | Link to this comment | 06-14-05 8:31 PM
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73

I quite enjoy refecation. Perhaps incretion would also suffice. Then again "eat shit" has a nice ring to it.


Posted by: text | Link to this comment | 06-14-05 8:32 PM
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74

keep it!


Posted by: text | Link to this comment | 06-14-05 8:32 PM
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75

Labs has gone by about 15 different names, so knock yourself out.


Posted by: ogged | Link to this comment | 06-14-05 8:33 PM
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76

At last, an area in which Linux excels! Through the simple inclusion of 'xmodmap -e "keycode 116 = Multi_key"' in my .xinitrc file, I can simply hit the left Windows key, then


Posted by: ben w-lfs-n | Link to this comment | 06-14-05 8:36 PM
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I quite enjoy refecation.

I sincerely hope this is a use/mention error.


Posted by: Standpipe Bridgeplate | Link to this comment | 06-14-05 8:38 PM
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78

Heh. Then < twice, and voil, .


Posted by: ben w-lfs-n | Link to this comment | 06-14-05 8:38 PM
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79

interpret as you will.


Posted by: text | Link to this comment | 06-14-05 8:39 PM
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80

You can make those in Windows with alt commands:


Posted by: ogged | Link to this comment | 06-14-05 8:40 PM
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81

And others:


Posted by: ogged | Link to this comment | 06-14-05 8:42 PM
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82

I must confess: I told a truth in 71. My keystrokes are no more funky than Ben's. But can he do iς?


Posted by: Standpipe Bridgeplate | Link to this comment | 06-14-05 8:42 PM
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83

Here.


Posted by: ogged | Link to this comment | 06-14-05 8:42 PM
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84

And ogged thought the Latin was exclusive.


Posted by: Standpipe Bridgeplate | Link to this comment | 06-14-05 8:43 PM
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85

Shoot: make that, "iς".


Posted by: Standpipe Bridgeplate | Link to this comment | 06-14-05 8:44 PM
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86

I hate it when I thorn when I should have edh.


Posted by: Standpipe Bridgeplate | Link to this comment | 06-14-05 8:45 PM
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87

i, you mean? Hm, that's a sigma, not a c-cedilla. i? ς?


Posted by: ben w-lfs-n | Link to this comment | 06-14-05 8:45 PM
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88

unfogged is somewhat like a horribly disfigured human - you're a little sickened and somewhat confused, but yet you can't possibly look away.


Posted by: silvana | Link to this comment | 06-14-05 9:06 PM
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89

How do you do alt commands?


Posted by: Michael | Link to this comment | 06-14-05 11:16 PM
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90

See 83, Michael.


Posted by: apostropher | Link to this comment | 06-15-05 4:48 AM
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91

In the rabbit's defense, which I really hate to do because the little f'ers are eating up my garden and are defiant about it to boot the rabbit's digestion is poorly designed and they need a "two-pass process" (aka "snacking on the raisenettes") to get proper nutrition, which allows me to write nearly the longest runon sentence of my career complete with quotes and bananas "()," so I guess that's something.


Posted by: Tripp | Link to this comment | 06-15-05 9:24 AM
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It's not poorly designed! It's awesomely designed! They even have two different kinds of shits, a runnier nighttime kind (which they eat) and the familiar raisinesque "doot". Hind-gut fermenters all the way!

Horses do the same thing—they can't curl up, of course, but they do eat their own shit. Horses being closely related to rabbits and all.


Posted by: ben w-lfs-n | Link to this comment | 06-15-05 9:26 AM
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ben,

Well, yeah, everyone eats horse shit, but the rabbit thing is just gross.

If they simply have to run the food through twice then they should at least have the decency to barf it up into their own mouths for the second pass like cows do, instead of leaving it lie around where the flies can get it.


Posted by: Tripp | Link to this comment | 06-15-05 9:36 AM
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94

Rabbits and ruminants: evidence against intelligent design.


Posted by: Standpipe Bridgeplate | Link to this comment | 06-15-05 9:41 AM
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95

Playboy bunnies will never look the same to me again.


Posted by: apostropher | Link to this comment | 06-15-05 9:41 AM
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If they simply have to run the food through twice then they should at least have the decency to barf it up into their own mouths for the second pass like cows do, instead of leaving it lie around where the flies can get it.

I see you misunderstand the process. Those raisinoid doots? Those are not what rabbits eat. That's been thoroughly digested. At night your basic rabbit will form a closed loop. No leaving it around. Out one end, in the other, no fuss, no muss.

It's precisely because they don't have the kinely fourfold stomach that they have to do this.


Posted by: ben w-lfs-n | Link to this comment | 06-15-05 9:42 AM
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Regarding rabbit poo:

Digestion begins in the mouth. The food is mashed up by the teeth and mixed with saliva, which contains proteins that begin breaking down the food. When the food is swallowed it enters the stomach where it is mixed with stomach acid and digestive enzymes, which continue the digestion process. It then moves out of the stomach into the small intestine where nutrients are absorbed into the body, and then it continues on into the large intestine where the food particles are sorted by size. The larger particles of indigestible fiber drive the smaller fragments of digestible fiber backwards into the cecum, which is a large blind-ended sac located at the junction of the small and large intestines. The indigestible particles are then passed out in the fecal pellets (regular poop) and the cecum begins the fermentation process that will produce what is commonly referred to as night feces or cecotropes, which a rabbit will ingest directly from the anus. You can tell the difference between normal feces and cecotrophes by their soft, shiny clumped texture and often more pungent odor.

The human appendix is basically a vestigial c(a)ecum.


Posted by: Mitch Mills | Link to this comment | 06-17-05 11:38 PM
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98

Also: "kinely fourfold stomach " is an yet another anagram of "Standpipe Bridgeplate".


Posted by: Mitch Mills | Link to this comment | 06-17-05 11:39 PM
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99

Also also: please delete the "an" in #98.


Posted by: Mitch Mills | Link to this comment | 06-17-05 11:40 PM
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100

Also also also: 100!


Posted by: Mitch Mills | Link to this comment | 06-17-05 11:41 PM
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101

Hey wait a second, what's all this hair on my palms? And why can't I see anything anymore???


Posted by: Mitch Mills | Link to this comment | 06-17-05 11:42 PM
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