"Voulez vous couchez avec moi ce soir?" You don't like eet when I speak the French? "Je pense que non."
You're not actually interested in dating a woman, are you, Ogged?
(btw, Trackback is farked again.)
I can think of two good reasons why you'd be annoyed. To celebrate, I'm going to have some yogurt.
Oui, parler francais n'importe quand c'est tres ennuyeux. Plutot le mauvais francais et sans accents que je dire, et que je pense la seductreuse extraoardinaire dire aussi. Mais, l'Ogged, avec les jeune filles, c'est tout qu'il chereche ennuyeuse. On commence a penser qu'Ogged vaut meilleur le plaigner que l'amour.
"l'Ogged." Ha.
I agree, though: if there were the opportunity to date an astoundingly beautiful woman who was amazing in the sack, one slightly annoying habit would be a deal-breaker for me.
one slightly annoying habit would be a deal-breaker for me
The right slightly annoying habit certainly could be, though. For me, that habit would be chewing with her mouth open, even if her face could launch a ship.
She made love like she was showing you how foolish you were for ever being with another woman.
That's a great line, isn't it?
I didn't say it would be a deal-breaker.
The morning after:
"Bonjour, ogged, mon petit lapin de chaleur."
"Little hotness bunny" might not be idiomatic French.
What if she were French? IA doesn't specify, except to say that (a) she spoke it occasionally and (b) she wore some Parisian toilet water.
Would it be as annoying if she were actually from France?
I still stand by 7, by the way. Some people are afraid to let themselves be happy.
"were" should be the only italicized word in 13.
I do not understand why "train" is italicized in the title.
Babelfish translates Weiner:
Yes, French speech any time they is very tedious. Rather bad French and without accents that I to say, and that I think seductreuse the extraoardinaire of saying too. But, Ogged, with the girls, it is very that it chereche tedious. One starts has to think that Ogged is worth the best plaigner than the love.Insightful commentary!
Oh, my. I'm with Joe here, although I suppose if by "deal breaker" you mean "no marriage" then I'll cut you some slack. Some.
But I know from experience one can learn to tune out "Take out the garbage" fairly easily and I assume French would be even easier.
Geez. I once dated someone who would respond "That's so funny you should write it down in your diarhhea" every time I tried to be clever. Which, as you know, is fairly often.
I stuck it out long enough to taste the forbidden fruit.
The fruit wasn't that good.
Man, that's lame. How old was she?
apostropher,
For me, that habit would be chewing with her mouth open
As a child I'd eat dinner at a friend's house fairly often and their entire family would do that - Mom, Dad, all the kids.
I'd sit at the table and hear five sets of mouths going "sluck, sluck, sluck."
My point is that there is someone for everyone. Even the open mouth chewers can live long enough to reproduce.
Not if we strike quickly and with deadly force.
Lipsmacky eating drives me nuts.
Man, that's lame. How old was she?
My guess is 22 or so. She was just released from the military where she had learned to thread needles into veins, which were, in her words "like worms under the skin."
I was 23 or 24 at the time. Once you get past small-talk it is amazing what you find out.
For example, another date confided that she thought people who claim "mental illness" were really possessed by demons. That came out after a month or so, and she was dead serious.
And then there is the one that puked and then wanted a kiss. But that really didn't taste that bad.
puked and then wanted a kiss
Ah, college. I remember it well.
Despite being in a frat my college career was rather uneventful in the romance department.
It wasn't until I got out in the real world and especially when I hooked into the theatre crowd that things picked up. Theatre has been one of the best things I've ever done so far as a social life goes.
Chewing with one's mouth open would be a deal-breaker for me as well. Unless I was allowed to punch her repeatedly in order to train her not to do so.
Expect a post entitled "The Audition" real soon now.
SB, you're getting ahead of oggedself. First he'll read a flier for an upcoming production of some play and do a post in which he needs to be convinced to audition.
But have already made the decision not to.
I don't know, he was convinced by us or some higher agency not just to go to a party but also to email someone he met there.
An August Strindberg play, if there is a god.
He'd already decided to go.
Is my working theory.
Yeah, I was thinking of this thread, though it was back before I was a commenter, when writing 31.
I'm looking forward to the point at which ogged tries out at an audition, and then, prior to hearing from the relevant party, decides that he doesn't want to commit to the play. So he looks to us to assuage his guilt about teasing them with a talent he is unwilling to put at their disposal. Hilarity ensues.
Strindberg is totally Swedish.
Most likely ogged will want to know more about a play, but not want to be in it, so he'll want to come to the audition, but not audition himself, because he's afraid that he's so talented that they'll want to sign him up for the lead role.
Then he'll finally let them know through a third party that he wants to see the audition, at which point they'll decide to open the play in another city and not tell him about it.
Theater is a big fuck-fest.
I'll take your word for it. "Theatre," which I referred to, is ever so much highbrow. Uh huh. :)
Ogged, you can meet a lot of fun people in theatre, and they are always looking for someone to help out with set, sound, lights, whatever, not just act.
I'm speaking amateur of course. I'm certain Broadway unions would not like somebody else doing their jobs.
Alright, ogged. Show us your step, ball-change, step, ball-change, walk-in-place-with-jazz-hands.
This is a funny turn for the thread to have taken. I can't imagine anyone less theater than yours truly.
I can't imagine anyone less theater than yours truly.
Geez, ogged, it's not about theatre, it's about sex. For a straight guy theatre is like al Qaeda's view of heaven except they aren't virgins.
For a straight guy theatre is like al Qaeda's view of heaven
Maybe, but I'm a little frightened by all the ball-changing SB references. Sounds like it would smart.
Between the ball-changes, neologisms, and interest in Japanese soap opera, I'm having a very hard time imagining a real human being behind the comments of Standpipe Bridgeplate.
We're a committee of disgruntled Thomas Kincade highlight artists, if you must know.
Wouldn't it be great if Unfogged itself, using only prior posts and comments as its building blocks, had developed an intelligence and begun posting under the SB pseudonym?
How does it make you feel that wouldn't it be great if Unfogged itself, using only prior posts and comments as its building blocks, had developed an intelligence and begun posting under the SB pseudonym?
I feel that it should be "began". If it had developed and had begun, that doesn't sound so good. If it had developed and began, better sequence.
Kincade, Kinkade, Venerable Bede, whatever. We paint the little yellow bits on the cottage porn for minimum wage. Spelling ain't our gig.
I thought we had established that Unfogged is no place for Kinkade.
It seems I've linked to that Something Awful Photoshop Phriday before!
And with good cause, too; it's quite well done. I especially like the one with Ophelia.
It puts the yellow bits on the cottage porn or else it gets the hose.
I'm having a very hard time imagining a real human being behind the comments of Standpipe Bridgeplate.
You know, fun is fun, but you hurt my real human being feelings, ogged. You're not invited to my party anymore.
Come on, it was a compliment. Ogged was simply stunned that any single mortal could have your inimitable range of skills and interests.
Ogged is invited to my party!
*sniff*
I didn't want to go to your stinking part anyway.
What do you know about my stinking part, Ben?
I most certainly don't want to go there?
Let's talk about something less personal, like dandelions.
Too late. He already sniffed your part.
I like dandelions when they are yellow, and also when they are turned white and to fuzz. I've never tried dandelion wine, but I know I would not serve it to guests without testing it on myself first. It could be good! But also not.
He already sniffed your part.
Without an invitation!
I like stinking parts when they are yellow, and also when they are turned white and to fuzz.
I was all set to be annoyed that I go away for several hours and the rest of the comments aren't in truly awful French--and it's Kotsko's fault, too!--but 28 etc. has been a great thread. Ogged, I think you should stage-manage.
I assume 51 is referring to Eliza. It was pretty easy to manipulate that by switching up the pronouns. I remember once getting it to ask me "How does it make you feel that I don't believe in the ocean?"
Artificial intelligence my eye.
Yup, yup, yup, respectively.
SB, in addition to "who cares about your fucking feelings?" I should say that 47 was, in fact, a compliment.
Note to self: If for some odd reason I want to compliment ogged, telling him that I can't imagine he's a human will suffice.
Ogged—as is all too obvious, I didn't exactly get that, but I had hoped the "party" business would flag my response as unserious. I apologize for the mixup, and I thank you for the compliment.
o-earnest! o-earnest! Standpipe is banned!
I believe I already did that, though I can't find it. Something about his weird non-sweaty feet.
82 to 79, though I think I also have banned SB.
Not that I would say that SB has weird non-sweaty feet, or refer to SB by any pronoun other than "Standpipe" or "Standpipeself."
Ogged: You've been waiting for this moment, haven't you.
Matt: I knew a pirate named Shiva once.
Some comment I left referencing it, I think. Wait! I know! It had to do with Tim Burke calling Unfogged a lefty analytic philosophy blog or something.
SB, is that a sequitur? Am I allowed to reveal where bridge plates may be found (on t'other thread)?
Looking this up was not a good use of my time.
Matt, I don't follow. Twas Shiva the Pirate that prompted you to ban me—I was just jogging your memory. I suppose I should have linked.
Bridge-Plate: Armtec, the company with a long history of product innovation, introduces Bridge-Plate™ the strongest corrugation available in the bridge market today.
Also found on guitars.
Deepest and strongest. Don't forget deepest.
Thank you all. Seriously lacking in Google mojo--I was searching "cyborg" not "cyborgs," and confusing Tim Burke with Ralph. And "academic" with "analytic."
Maybe that woman lived in the French house at college. Maybe she was supposed to speak French all the time there--that was the condition of getting a pretty room to herself for two years--and yet the best she could do was to make jokes in really bad franglais with the other people in the house who couldn't be bothered to speak French all the time. And then these bad franglais jokes took on a life of their own among her circle of friends, and she can't help making them from time to time, even now.
Just, you know, a theory.
I searched "matt weiner" pseudonym site:unfogged.com
Long ago, in someone else's lifetime, someone with her name, who looked a lot like her…
Not necessarily, Joe—she could be part of the circle of friends.
I speak entirely theoretically, of course. Though make that a pretty room in the nicest house on campus.
Is this narrative going to somehow reconnect to the thread that stopped after Ogged's astonishingly good guess?
Yeah, I don't get it either, w/d. But since you brought it up, and we're in this far away thread, let's talk about that guess, and how it wasn't really so astonishing. ac said that the person was "one of the most talented and famous men in the world." How many people fit that description? There's our musician, but who else? It has to be someone who we've all heard of, and someone we'd likely all agree was very talented. I could think of three people: Spielberg, Michael Jordan, and the musician. I knew it wasn't Jordan. I figured that Spielberg was too old to be regularly calling ac's friend, and the musician just seems so damn friendly that it didn't seem unlikely.
I still think it's astonishing, and now I'm also astonished at your explanation.
I'm also astonished at your explanation
Why?
I don't know any famous violists (are there any?). And I don't remember the discussion you guys are talking about.
But if a famous cellist were wooing ac's friend, that's pretty cool.
Oh, yo' daddy's rich...
And [ogged edits to read: Ya Ya Moo] is good-lookin'...
I didn't see any obvious connections between the two but the coincidence of ac seeing this theoretical similarity between the Incompetent Attorney's story and someone in her circle of friends reminded me of that other serendipitous connection.
This also calls for an experiment of asking people who aren't privty to this conversation to name the three people who they first think of on hearing the prompt, "one of the most talented and famous men in the world."
You totally effed up my awesome rewrite of that lyric, Ogged.
I had assumed the "talented" gave it away. It suggests music more than sports.
Your seeming immediate leap (as characterized now) from "one of the most famous and talented people in the world" to the musician in question (and two other people, though surely there's contention as to Spielberg's talent). (This musician, incidentally, isn't that much older than Spielberg.)
Ok, well, since ac was the one askin'.
I wouldn't have posted it if I'd read the whole "ungoogleable" conversation.
Spielberg is 9 years older, which, you're right, is less than I thought (I also discounted Spielberg a bit on "talent," as you say).
I don't know any famous violists (are there any?).
Kim Kashkashian, the guy who plays cello, viola and flute (can't remember his name, he's Russian—you'll probably assert that this means he's not famous). Uh, wossname, the guy who wrote Der Schwanendreher, Paul Hindemith.
I would think there are more than 3 world famous men.
What about David Beckham or Bill Clinton or Bill Gates or any of these people
While the Hindemith thing is technically true, he's not famous for being a violist.
But are they talented? Moreover, are they people you would describe as talented with reference to a specific context?
While the Hindemith thing is technically true, he's not famous for being a violist.
Yeah, and I wasn't technically paying your mom for sex, just for her time.
are they people you would describe as talented with reference to a specific context?
Exactly.
Is Kim Kashkashian famous? I mean, I've heard of her, but is she any more famous than Mat Maneri? I think John Cale may be the most famous violist qua violist.
Actually, lots of people don't know Cale plays viola. Though you're probably right that he's more widely known even as a violist than Maneri or Kashkashian.
with reference to a specific context?
Should have been without reference to a specific context, because of course you would describe Clinton as talented if you were talking about politics or some such, but you wouldn't generally say of him that he's talented.
I haven't heard of Kashkashian, Hindemith, or Cale. And the MacArthur fellows aren't among the "most famous" people in the world.
Damn. He did the pre-emptive backtrack.
You haven't heard of John Cale?
...well, we did already know you're lame, I guess.
Results 1 - 10 of about 145 for "famous violist".
Anyway, my failure to come up with Cale (whom I saw within the last 12 months live, it was awesome) is just proof that he's not primarily thought of as a violist.
Sleep with one eye open tonight, w-lfs-n.
Something's up with the disjunction in the search in B-wo's 135, since there are more hits for ("John Cale" viola) then there are for ("Kim Kashkashian" viola) and more hits for ("John Cale" violist) then there are for ("Kim Kashkashian" violist).
"famous violist" vs. "famous electrician"
But also "famous violist" vs. "famous bricklayer"
Le jeune fille charmant a disait trop souvent, "J'aime Bill Laimbeer"
et 'la'; je ne voudrais pas suggester que l'Ogged soit homosexuel
Huh. I was commenting here a year ago? I hadn't realized.
I was going to do some half-baked French at you, Matt, but I couldn't decide whether you were tu or vous, and didn't want to risk insulting you—this being a blog concerned overmuch with la politesse. How familiar are we, Frenchwise?
By the way, you can tu me when you want to tu me.
Je pense que nous sont tous amicable pour nous tutoyer. Certainement, tu peux me tutoyer. Et le grammaire, vocabulaire, et cetera, ce sont completement optionelles. Comme on peut voir.
Alle sind Freunde hier, b-wo, nicht wahr? Wenn ich irgendjemanden regelmässig bei dem Mineshaft sehe, soll ich ihn natürlich duzen.
Cette chose-ci est-ce qu'elle marche?
Oui? Bon.
Bonsoir, Matt. Je répondais à Ben, qui m'avait posé en allemand la même question que je t'avais posé en anglais.
Ouf. Il me faut pratiquer écrire sans essayer d'éviter des erreurs.
Now this isn't at all exclusive and in-groupy, no sir.
Yeah, but it seems confined to this thread, and I expected it would go like this, with the French bit in the post. I'm constantly tempted to do a little Farsi blogging in response, but then I realize that you would all like that.
SB antwortete mich? Wo? Ich dachte, dass 149 zu 148 gehört (gehörtete?).
Cala, veilleicht hast du Recht, aber ich bin nicht überzeugt. Meiner Meinung nach, was beim Mineshaft passiert, soll beim Mineshaft bleiben. (Zuerst schrieb ich "Meinschaft".)
Ich hasse, dass ich keine Ahnung habe, ob die meisten Verben stark oder schwach sind. Ich hasse auch dass ich nicht schlafen kann! Und ich bin so müde.
Ich glaube, müder b-wo, daß die Verben, die du benutzt hast, fast richtig sind.
Mir ist zu heiß zu schlafen.
This thread reminds me, any suggestions on French language support? I have a (temporary borrowed copy which i fully intend to pay for, really!) copy of MS Office XP, and can't get the updates. I've fairly resigned myself to my fate of manually inserting all the accent marks, but if anyone has any alternatives they'd like to share, that'd be nice.
Cala is too hot to sleep. Just an announcement for all of the Nichtdeutschsprecher out there.
SB antwortete mich?
Sure. You asked if we could duzen each other, so naturally I wondered where.
Cala is too hot to sleep.
I've often suspected as much.
*raises an eyebrow*.
Hey, I made sure to use the correct form. 'Mir ist heiß' implies that my hovel is uncomfortably warm. 'Ich bin heiß' would have reflected the (obviously irrelevant) truth that I am too sizzling to slumber.
my hovel is uncomfortably warm
Is that what the kids are calling them these days?
