Dude, I would totally date you. In fairness, I should note that my ad was never intended to produce dates; it was more of a procrastination device.
Also, I say for the record: my joke ad for Ogged has produced interest; my halfway serious ad for myself has not. Pwned, Labs.
I hope ogged isn't really as affirming as Katie Holmes.
Thank you, but I already know you would date me. We could sit around with our shirts off and hands in the air yelling "Titties!" all day.
You went with the editor style, after all.
I couldn't resist that one.
The sad thing is that I would find that funny for much longer than is merited.
I have to say, well done ogged. I would rather find some reason to tease, but cannot.
I do think that stylized sex, though unsexy, can be quite entertaining, which is why the sex scene in top gun tops my list. Esp. the oragami part.
It seems to me that Ogged might have let it be known that he is fond of malicious snark and smutty innuendo. Some poor thing is going to have the surprise of her life. Let's hope she's at least 20.
I other words, ogged, I'm afraid that everyone in that room sees through me, sees that I have fallen for you.
You'll have to fight Timbot to get to me, text, but thanks.
Ogged might have let it be known that he is fond of malicious snark and smutty innuendo
Not in real life, he's not.
With an ad like that, I'd date you -- I can't think of a thing to snipe at. But I suppose I'd be in line after FL and text.
Thanks, LB. Since I haven't heard from the woman I emailed, I have to assume that I'm really effin ugly.
By the way, don't y'all think the picture counts for at least as much as the text with these things?
Since I haven't heard from the woman I emailed, I have to assume that I'm really effin ugly.
It's more likely that she thinks of herself as smart and generous.
The picture is the attention getter. The text is the attention keeper.
Ogged's ad is very good.
I would tweak it by rewritting the last two sections like this:
WHY YOU SHOULD GET TO KNOW ME
I can be absurdly loyal.
MORE ABOUT WHAT I AM LOOKING FOR
Someone smart, and generous of spirit.
But I could be wrong, those sections don't really suck as they are. The whole thing is much better written than the other ones I have seen.
"This Is Not a Novel" is a good pick for the best book. Obscure, experimental; but unpretensious and as easy to read as steven king.
I think it's a real achievement to say that you admire kindness (in my quick reading, you said it at least twice) without coming across as saccharine (which you don't). Well done.
The picture, and the general background data (education level, place of employment), do 90% of the work, I'd bet.
You sound a little French, but otherwise pretty good.
Does the absurd loyalty extend to your online homiez?
Ogged, as far as the not hearing back thing goes, I offer this--and there's absolutely no reason you should listen to me--but it may just be that your person got a bunch of e-mails and had to choose some way (eeny-meeny-miney-mo?) to pick the ones to respond to. I sort of imagine it as like applying for an academic job, although I feel sorry for anyone who is as desperate for companionship as I was for a job. Didn't make sense to target one job, because I knew they'd be getting a lot of responses, and would have to cull them based on very little information in a manner that was close to random. So if My Dream Job decided not to give me an interview based on my CV and paper, there was no reason to be too insulted. Who knew what they were thinking? So... if you want a few dates, maybe you have to send out a bunch of e-mails. (But it may be better to be dateless than out with someone you don't actually like.)
Also, you shouldn't have shaved your skinny, pointy head for the picture. Ewww.
You left out your huge dong, though. That's the real attention-keeper.
I'd totally date your "titties!" profile. This, though. Dunno. Kinda Canadian.
Your lie is fantastic, though. On a quick skim it looks like another "text commenting on the text" entry(a la your "celebrity" answer), when in fact it's a sharp, nasty jab at other personals. Sweet.
Kaus. Fucking virus Kaus.
You sound a little French, but otherwise pretty good.
You have your moments, Tim.
Does the absurd loyalty extend to your online homiez?
Since you've already moved, it sure does, Matt. Actually, it does: see Pundit, Insta.
She may just be out of town. It is summer vacation time, after all.
Good point. In Sweden, maybe.
(She's logged on since I sent her the email.)
We could sit around with our shirts off and hands in the air yelling "Titties!" all day.
I probably shouldn't admit this, but I'm pretty sure ex and I did that before ...
All day?
Well, you do have a fantastic rack.
ogged, very nice. i also can't find much reason to tease, but of course, i am reading this with prior acquaintanceship with your blog persona. in combination with that, it doesn't seem too earnest. in isolation, though, who knows.
but i've read a lot of personal ads, and that's quite a good one.
what weiner said. If you get a one-out-of-five response rate, I think that's decent.
Take indignant joy from the dings.
You never know. She may find the word "excellence" a bit suspect. It's really anyone guess what's going on in her head.
All day?
Probably not all day. Because a fantastic rack can be, umm, distracting.
And thanks for the compliment. I'll have to flash you sometime ...
i am reading this with prior acquaintanceship with your blog persona
Yeah, I think this makes a huge difference. If you didn't already have some idea what I'm like, I think there are parts that are alternatively too earnest and too cute. But thanks.
By the way, I should be clear that I do think it's sad that she didn't respond, but I don't really take it personally.
I'll have to flash you sometime
Couldn't agree more.
it's sad that she didn't respond
But if she's the kind of person who wouldn't respond, is it really sad?
Given that everyone agrees the text of the ad is good, the next step is to figure out just how bad the picture was.
Perhaps some sunless tanning lotion on that all-important goggle area might improve your odds.
By putting up the text here, aren't you making it possible for anyone you contact to find your blog with a quick google search?
Ogged might have let it be known that he is fond of malicious snark and smutty innuendo
Not in real life, he's not.
By day, sincere and loyal. By night, snarky and smutty. The Two Faces of Ogged.
Then one day, the two faces met.
aren't you making it possible for anyone you contact to find your blog with a quick google search?
Yeah, but I don't expect the two or three people I contact (still pseudonymously, through the dating site) to google the text.
all-important goggle area
The picture is a couple of years old, so tanless.
OK. So why are you doing this at all, ogged? It seems like you know tons of cool women, who in turn probably know tons of cool women. To the extent that this is a bit like getting a job, I'm reminded that an awful lot of people get jobs because of friends and acquaintances. Why is ex, ebl, or any number of others, not helping a brother out?
I ask only because if the 6'5" Gayatollah can't get dates based solely on that piece of information, then I suspect there's no hope for the rest of us on those sites.
"Kindness is sexier" really grabbed me. It's totally sappy, but it tugged my heart strings nonetheless.
SCMT--ex and ebl tried, but not too hard.
I do seem to know many cool women, but they're either taken, or not quite for me, or out of bounds by reason of relationship to ex or ebl. And what Weiner linked. That was my last best chance for the exes to come through.
And the thing about your friends is you usually already know most of their friends. I've got this British journalist buddy of Mr. Breath's who I've shopped around to every single woman I know, and at this point, I'm essentially useless for finding him a date: I just don't know anyone else who's looking. (Lovely guy, although he smokes too much dope for a man in his 40's.)
Comes a point where you have to broaden your social circle or move outside it.
Everyone takes this to mean
I'm not a fan of the universal. My preferance would be, "Too many people take..."
Also, the playful ambiguity is too ambiguous for my tastes. Are you really describing yourself as goofy like Conan O-Brien (whose goffiness is the exact same night after night and never changes?) as as affirming as Katie Holmes (whatever that means)?
And the lie thing is amusingly snarky, but doesn't give any information about you because it's not actually something you've really said, is it? Really, it, along with the above, suggest a preoccupation with commenting on others. Not saying that's necessarily bad, but I just want to observe that's how you're coming accross.
Unless you're looking to date another blogger, I'd get rid of the Kaus reference.
Ogged, I could totally set you up with hip, good-looking women...if you lived in North Carolina.
suggest a preoccupation with commenting on others
Go figure.
I'd get rid of the Kaus reference.
But it's not a reference. I'm just using his schtick, because I like it. If someone realizes I've stolen if from him, double bonus.
I've heard that people who get jobs through acquaintances and friends usually find them through the more distant acquaintances rather than the closer friends.
I wonder if something similar applies here.
apo, I'm sure Timbot is willing to move to NC if you make him the same offer.
I've heard that people who get jobs through acquaintances and friends usually find them through the more distant acquaintances rather than the closer friends.
That's really interesting, I haven't heard that. Is that just because more distant acquaintances are more numerous?
The theory is that your close friends have roughly the same information as you; your acquaintances may travel in slightly different circles. Different circles means different information. So said the study.
That makes sense. So, Timbot, I barely know you, how about sending me some of the hotties that you've pursued unsuccessfully?
I am too slow.
But, it is called the strength of weak ties. The theory is that the opportunities your close friends know about, you probably already know about. Your close friends tend to know people you already know. But you probably don't know the opportunities that acquantences know about. Acquantences tend to know people you don't know.
You know, far be it from me to suggest that you drop the cloak of anonymity, but don't lots of people, some of whom are single women, read this thing? (Not a lot of heavy commenters in that category I can think of except ac, and you're not around NY if I recall correctly. And I actually can't remember if ac is single.)
If you revealed the top secret location of oggedville, and mentioned that you might be up for coffee after an exchange of emails if tall, narrow-hipped, non-squeaky, Anglophonic readers were interested, you might get some response, and anyone who emailed would at least know what she was in for.
Conversely, you might get no interest at all, at which point your spirit would be irretrievably crushed. So, six of one...
That's a thought, LB, but I like my anonymity, and I'm saving myself for ac.
You could ask local commentors to set you up with people too.
Of course, Kotsko, profgrrrrl, and I (and others, I'm sure) know where oggedville is. We can do this will-he-nill-he.
They don't call it a w-lfs-n Indiscretion Error for nothing.
So anyone who wants to date ogged should email w-lfs-n. w-lfs-n will screen for geographical appropriateness, and give out ogged's contact information to all local applicants.
Let the stalking commence!
Nah, crickets don't qualify. Squeaky.
The power of reverse DNS lookups enables anyone on whose blog ogged has commented to find out where he lives.
That in itself is not indiscreet.
That is an endearing ad, ogged, the 'why you should get to know me' in particular.
Although I only read personal ads when people link to them in their blog posts, so I'm not a good judge of whether that makes it a good ad or not.
I should be nice and say that I do like most of your profile. More important, it's you. At the "you" we have come to know online. At least I think it does that good a job of communicating your personality - I'm sure there is, as noted, some confirmation bias because of not being a naive reader.
Given the amount of singles, albeit mostly male, among the commentariat here, perhaps you could start an Unfogged dating blog. You've already branched out into a reading group.
Unrelated: that gives me an idea:
Had we but being enough, and time,
This opacity, reader, were no crime.
w-lfs-n, I'm about 85% sure I should have you killed.
65 - What?? That's not a masturbating sound. Is that what you sound like when you masturbate?
When did we get all serious about this? I don't understand the local culture here.
This, to you, qualifies as all serious? I am awed by your expected level of hilarity when people are trying to be funny.
I really like that John's 72 follow's Michael's 71.
We're very supple, John.
By the way, ogged, if the title of the post relates to your profile picture, that's your problem right there. You have to wait a bit before whipping out the enormous dong.
At least have me all-the-way killed and not 85% killed.
The picture is clothed, but I didn't paste here my answer for "Religion," which was, naturally, "Church of My Enormous Dong."
Did you all catch that the joke profile of me that Labs put up got a response?
Yeah. That's awesome. Can we collaboratively respond to the response, or would that be too mean?
The joke profile with the picture of the world class athlete got responses?
Yes, it did.
Too mean, Ben. Labs is responding kindly.
Thank you for saving me from my baser urges.
I'm somewhat ashamed to admit it, but all of this makes me think maybe, when I know where I'm going to be living, I should enter the world of online personals. I don't think I'd blog it, though.
I don't think I'd blog it, though.
Then it's probably not worth doing.
The joke profile really got a response, but it would be poor form to go any further with this. Unless B-W looks like Ogged when Ogged sees titties, or something.
Ben, you've read that Williams article on personal identity where there's a secret agent who's sent to kill McX, and McX has changed so much that there's a real question about his continuity through time, and Williams says, "well, it's not as though the agent can just wound McX"? That makes me laugh every time I think of it.
In the stretch leading up 69 everyone was actually trying to get Ogged hooked up. My post was 72. Then, starting with 70 people were back to the normal nasty, for the sole purpose of making me look bad.
I feel powerful, in a way.
Well, mainly I don't want to mix personal ad blogging into my existing blog. I'm gradually moving away from an overemphasis on academic stuff, but I don't think I want to get that personal.
What exactly does one say to a woman who expressed interest in a personal ad constructed to be a joke? What's the nice way of letting someone know that their taste is this awful?
We struggled with that, Tarrou, and our two best options were to 1) lie and say that I *don't* have an enormous dong or 2) be honest and tell her that I don't live in Chicago.
1. Ogged, about a year ago I thought of trying to set you up with a woman. I dunno about logistics, but such a woman. I've since lost touch with her.
2. w-lfs-n, you ass. Anyway, unless EFF (well EFF and a knowledgeable friend) has been lying to me, Ogged could disguise that information by way of proxies.
Also, doesn't the IBM Soul Pad sound exactly like what we were talking about with Linux on a USB drive?
Man, I really didn't need to know that. But thanks for the thought.
Let's kill w-lfs-n.
Really? I'm thinking now that it might be a good idea to let her know the exact purpose of that ad. It might be some useful feedback. She may very well have no idea that the reasoning and instinct (if any) she uses in choosing mates are in need of calibrating.
Ben, you've read that Williams article on personal identity where there's a secret agent who's sent to kill McX, and McX has changed so much that there's a real question about his continuity through time, and Williams says, "well, it's not as though the agent can just wound McX"? That makes me laugh every time I think of it.
No, I haven't. In fact, I've read statistically no philosophy in article form, and statistically no analytic philosophy at all.
Or, Tarrou, she might have thought, "this is a plainly insane creation, I'd like to meet whoever's behind it." That's not so strange.
Telling her would be cruel. Better she find out the normal way: by sleeping with the same wrong guy over and over again for years.
Ogged could disguise that information by way of proxies.
True, and for all I know, he does. I got my info straight from the Persian's mouth.
Ok, on re-reading the ad I think I buy that over my "amusingly misguided bint" theory. I find that strangely relieving.
a secret agent who's sent to kill McX, and McX has changed
I thought that was a Borges story.
The Liddell-Hart mentioned in that story was a friend of Robert Graves and a relative of Alice Liddell of Alice in Wonderland fame.
Count me in for liking it. I think "excellence is sexy; kindness is sexier" is great. Generally very endearing. Makes you seem like a mensch.
Isn't Liddell Hart more known for advocating the use of tanks in blitzkrieg fashion? And unfortunately being read by Germans instead of his countrymen?
Isn't Liddell Hart more known
Yes.
But one ask, Isn't w-lfs-n more known for adducing esoterica than essence?
this is a plainly insane creation
I would only reply to ads that made me laugh. It makes perfect sense to me.
Liddell Hart was also, oddly enough, one of the very few military historians to pay serious attention to the Mongol campaigns.
It would seem to be a big blunder to simply ignore the most successful soldiers of all time, but a high proportion of military historians did (and still do, e.g. Kagan) just that.
Also, I didn't know that about Liddell Hart. I knew what I posted as a result of having read an article about, or maybe just an introduction to the works of, Lewis Carroll, and a biography of Graves.
esoterica precedes essence
In the dictionary.
Also, I didn't know that about Liddell Hart.
Oh. I assumed you did, but (rightly) decided that to identify someone by what they're actually best known for would not be in the slightest bit amusing. Which it would not have been. In the slightest.
I used to have one saying "Saturday night is sexy; Sunday morning is sexier" and bizarrely this half thrown together answer has always gotten more, and more positive, responses than the other ones, hich I fairly agonized over.
Somehow the "why you should get to know me" is just ever so slightly too self-deprecating. The celebrity thing is deflection.
Given that everyone agrees the text of the ad is good
Actually, before my phone ate it, I had a comment ready in which the phrases "Mickey Kaus" and "die alone" featured prominently. But probably I was just upset about my flight being late.
I think I disagree with Tim (that America-hating bastard!). I like "I wouldn't begin to presume" because, in its wry way, it acknowledges that the question is a treacherous one; it's admirably humble but clever about it.
I like "after three minutes..." but maybe you should just talk about the dream of some guy strangling you. Also "it's never going to work" might be a bit too relationship-oriented. Would you consider "...you think we've got nothing" or something less dramatic?
The loyalty thing is endearing; the danger is sounding too much like a dog. I think you're ok, though.
Also, this kind-hearted advice means that I get to nail your girlfriend.
All the commenters get to nail my girlfriend! Woohoo! The liveblogging event of the century!
Burke is a fuddy duddy and I'm going to crush his fucking skull with my thousand years of power. What did he want, the informative celebrity comparison?
I was hoping the somewhat dramatic and hyperbolic "never" of "never going to work" would lighten its relationshipiness.
That's hilarious.
Celebrity Tim most resembles after we beat the crap out of him: Kurt Cobain
Actually, let's not beat him up; let's put a hex on him that takes away his ability to use dependent clauses. Or is that over the top?
Celebrity Tim most resembles after being hexed: Matt LeBlanc
Dude, that's worse than being beaten up. It would be hilarious if Tim were forced to be more LeBlancish, though.
On the other hand, if someone *does* google your ad, this might not be the best conversation to be having. Ladies love a thousand years of power, don't get me wrong, but it might be better to wait before whipping it out.
If someone googles my ad and reads 120 comments, she's going to become my wife.
So, with w-lfs-n and I being the only two regulars who've had full-on face pictures show up here, which celebrities do we most resemble?
When I think apostropher, I also think Mamie Van Doren.
When I think apostropher, I also think Mamie Van Doren.
mama's waitin'. you've been out on the unfogged playground too long.
Hmm, that's a first. I may have to get rid of one of the computers in this house.
Did that really just happen?
Hi Mrs. Apostropher!
isn't there some kind of law against wives coming into properly-established taverns to pester their husbands? Didn't W.C. Fields establish this?
We should do pictures. I'm willing to upload one.
If #133 if for real, that's really cool and funny. If it's not, less so.
From those photos, I think w-lfs-n looks a bit like Danny Masterson.
right, we're chipping in to buy him the clothes.
Yes, that was for real. I never employ non-standard capitalization and vainly try to discourage it in the missus.
I somehow got to Unfogged about a week or two ago and now tune in everyday...loved the personal ad with the exception of "Excellence" being sexiest...right away it seemed I wasn't good enough. My personal favorite part was being absurdly loyal after 10 minutes...that is very endearing... and the whole last paragraph -perfecto!
By the way, I am a single woman but probably-too-old-for-you and have read many many too many awful personal ads.
So, you all have lives, is that it?
We just don't want to get the apostropher in any more trouble.
I'm home alone with the kids tonight. Fire away.
Excellent. But I got nuthin'. Requests?
So, you all have lives, is that it?
I'm just too embarrassed to let people know I'm online on a Saturday.
Congratulations. Did you get mucho bucks for it?
When do you actually move?
to think that i always considered labs the butch member of this blog partnership! guess i have to recalibrate my gaydar.
