Re: You Know You're Having An Early Mid-Life Crisis When

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[redacted]


Posted by: [redacted] | Link to this comment | 10- 4-05 9:52 AM
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I often think of this when it comes to really specialized, expensive-to-cultivate talents.

Like, we have some pretty good conductors helming our major orchestras (and some, like Levine and Salonen, are true masters), but how many people get the opportunity to try conducting an orchestra, to see if they're good at it?

My office is empty. I might leave early.


Posted by: Joe Drymala | Link to this comment | 10- 4-05 9:53 AM
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Come to think of it, Ogged, how do you know you're not the next Serge Koussevitzky?


Posted by: Joe Drymala | Link to this comment | 10- 4-05 9:55 AM
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Good on Phelps, of course, and more power to him, but it's not like he discovered the polio vaccine.

The really, really important things are being worked on by a lot of people.

Without Phelps somebody else would have the record in swimming.


Posted by: Tripp | Link to this comment | 10- 4-05 9:57 AM
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Tripp, I mean from the standpoint of each individual; I wasn't thinking of the benefit to society.


Posted by: ogged | Link to this comment | 10- 4-05 9:58 AM
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Conversely, how many people pursue unrealizable dreams, only to inevitably and humiliatingly fail? All that effort squandered, spending the remainder of their lives wistfully muttering to themselves "I coulda been a contender."

Best not to try at all, is what I say.

My office is weirdly tense. Too may people out, too many people about to leave for a few days (myself included), too much work that has to be done.


Posted by: Chopper | Link to this comment | 10- 4-05 9:59 AM
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Just a few months ago I took my first seriously long-term, post-college job. I don't know if it's just an effect of the commitment or what, but I've spent a troubling amount of time since wondering whether my job, my field of study, or my general way of going about life was "right". I don't think it's quite the same as what you describe in your post, but I'm familiar with the general sensation.

My office is emptying out. For being an R&D facility, everyone here manages to get off to lunch pretty regularly.


Posted by: Tarrou | Link to this comment | 10- 4-05 10:02 AM
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I am confident I did not miss my life's calling as an athelete, at least.


Posted by: Michael | Link to this comment | 10- 4-05 10:02 AM
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athlete


Posted by: Joe Drymala | Link to this comment | 10- 4-05 10:04 AM
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ogged,

Oh I get it. You were talking about yourself. You are still looking for your 'special purpose.'


Posted by: Tripp | Link to this comment | 10- 4-05 10:04 AM
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I know I missed my life calling.


Posted by: Chopper | Link to this comment | 10- 4-05 10:04 AM
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No one is fulfilled in this world except by Fontana Labs.


Posted by: Standpipe Bridgeplate | Link to this comment | 10- 4-05 10:05 AM
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But is he really happier or better off being a champion swimmer? Being an elite athlete is a hell of a way to live -- it might have been better for him had he been a middling basketball player and done something else with his life.


Posted by: LizardBreath | Link to this comment | 10- 4-05 10:06 AM
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I was flipping between here and a spreadsheet the other day when someone (Joe D.?) mentioned how sad it is to spend your life looking at spreadsheets. And now this. Thanks. At least I'm not in the office this morning.


Posted by: ac | Link to this comment | 10- 4-05 10:07 AM
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Happiness is bliss. If he had never known he was a great swimmer, would it matter to him? Only if he considered himself as a miserable failure, in which case swimming may or may not have helped. Happiness is relative.


Posted by: tweedledopey | Link to this comment | 10- 4-05 10:07 AM
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Really? I imagine being an elite athlete to be awesome.


Posted by: Michael | Link to this comment | 10- 4-05 10:08 AM
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Indications are that he loves to swim. He doesn't seem like the happiest fellow in the world, but that doesn't seem to have much to do with how things are going.


Posted by: ogged | Link to this comment | 10- 4-05 10:08 AM
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And funny, I wasn't thinking about happiness at all.


Posted by: ogged | Link to this comment | 10- 4-05 10:09 AM
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Oh I get it. You were talking about yourself. You are still looking for your 'special purpose.'

I don't think you get it.


Posted by: Michael | Link to this comment | 10- 4-05 10:09 AM
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Tarrou,

R&D people don't eat?


On a general note, here is what I think is going on. The entire country is entering into a downer time, a malaise, and we've been conditioned not to talk about it. I've lived through this before, I know what it feels like, and this is the late 70's all over again.

We all wear a 'happy mask' but we're having trouble keeping it on.

That's what I think.


Posted by: Tripp | Link to this comment | 10- 4-05 10:10 AM
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I thought you were with Ben (and me) - notions of an "authentic life" are not simply spurious, but actually injurious. The main job in life is to pass time as acceptably as possible until you die. Accept it and get on with it.


Posted by: SomeCallMeTim | Link to this comment | 10- 4-05 10:10 AM
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Shades of The Plague, SCMT.


Posted by: Chopper | Link to this comment | 10- 4-05 10:12 AM
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I don't think you get it.

You don't?


Posted by: Tripp | Link to this comment | 10- 4-05 10:12 AM
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I know I missed my life calling.

WHy's that, Chopper?


Posted by: Straight Man | Link to this comment | 10- 4-05 10:13 AM
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You know how sometimes, just before closing a document, you write a sentence that's supposed to remind you what to start on when you open it up again? Right now I am staring at such a sentence trying to figure out what the hell it means. Perhaps I should go into the office and things will be better there.


Posted by: Matt Weiner | Link to this comment | 10- 4-05 10:13 AM
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Here's what I take Ogged to be saying: A lot of people have the potential (i'm not getting into an ontological argument about my use of that word) to excel at something. Exceling is nice. However, it's not as if it's simply known to those people that they have such potential. It is often accident. Really then, it's hard to say whether or not one would have excelled at a particular thing, had the right conditions occured.


Posted by: Michael | Link to this comment | 10- 4-05 10:13 AM
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WHy's that, Chopper?

There is not yet a market for Pro/Am Blowjob Contest judges.


Posted by: Chopper | Link to this comment | 10- 4-05 10:14 AM
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"It is often accident." --> "It is often by accident that they discover their ability."


Posted by: Michael | Link to this comment | 10- 4-05 10:15 AM
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I think sports are especially suited for such woolgathering; to reach the elite levels of most sports, one usually has to start out very young, and that has so much to do with parents, time, and money that it's very easy to wonder what if.

Music is similar.


Posted by: Cala | Link to this comment | 10- 4-05 10:16 AM
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To some extent I agree with 21, but I think going forward we can't be fulfilled unless we are actually accomplishing something more than that. The pursuit of a life spent passing time acceptably is self-defeating. (And other-devotion certainly counts for something--helping others to pass their time acceptably is an accomplishment that has more meaning than passing the time acceptably. That's my answer to this. None of this has much application to what I've actually chosen to do with my life.)


Posted by: Matt Weiner | Link to this comment | 10- 4-05 10:18 AM
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Michael,

Well, yeah, but from whence the angst, unless he is talking about himself? He needs to find his "special purpose."


Posted by: Tripp | Link to this comment | 10- 4-05 10:18 AM
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So, I think interpretations of "special purpose" or "authentic life" are missing the point. Finding one's talent does not ensure an authentic life or a happy or even purposeful one. That doesn't mean that it's not desirable for its own reasons.


Posted by: Michael | Link to this comment | 10- 4-05 10:19 AM
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Tripp, not just about myself. Even if I had my "special purpose" right here in the palm of my hand, I'd still feel terrible to think about Phelps at the end of the bench in some college basketball game.


Posted by: ogged | Link to this comment | 10- 4-05 10:20 AM
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I've got one! I've got a special purpose!


My office is filled with animus and vile papers.


Posted by: text | Link to this comment | 10- 4-05 10:21 AM
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Even if I had my "special purpose" right here in the palm of my hand

Ogged, how many times have we told you: Don't do this at the office.


Posted by: Matt Weiner | Link to this comment | 10- 4-05 10:21 AM
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(Agreed with 33, though.)


Posted by: Matt Weiner | Link to this comment | 10- 4-05 10:22 AM
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interpretations of special purpose are certainly not missing the point. Though some are bent.


Posted by: text | Link to this comment | 10- 4-05 10:22 AM
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The angst can stem from two things: either you're happy with where you've ended up and realize how close it came to not happening at all, or you're not happy and thinking about how fate screwed you when your mom didn't sign you up for football clinic when you were five.

Either way, I think Michael's correct in 32.


Posted by: Cala | Link to this comment | 10- 4-05 10:23 AM
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What I think about is the fact that character or personality are probably factors in finding things you are good at. A lot of people find it difficult to be a neophyte at something, and give up too easily. Some people have the trait to carry them over early setbacks.

I have a couple of friends who turn out to be good at lots of things they try to do, because they're the sort of people who really pursue their interests in a vigorous way.


Posted by: ac | Link to this comment | 10- 4-05 10:24 AM
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ogged,

if you ain't talking about Happiness, what are you talking about?

An ex once told me she couldn't settle down because she was young and supposed to do certain things, being young and all. I've never understand the "supposed to do" idea. It should be "I want to do." There are times when this isn't true (Ricky Williams), but for the most part, if Michael Phelps were miserable despite being a great swimmer, why should he continue to do it? If he were perfectly happy being a sixth-man on a basketball team, would that be a worse life? For whom? You, Ogged?


Posted by: tweedledopey | Link to this comment | 10- 4-05 10:24 AM
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I'd rather waste a talent I never knew I had than be aware, every single day, that I'm actively wasting talents I know I do have.


Posted by: eb | Link to this comment | 10- 4-05 10:25 AM
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And reading again, I understand you are talking about the waste of talent. But you also talk about the individual. And does an individual really worry that he's wasting talent if he's happy? Does he notice?

[I won't neuter my sentences. It's too annoying to do so.]


Posted by: tweedledopey | Link to this comment | 10- 4-05 10:26 AM
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ogged,

Well I think we should let Phelps worry about what his special purpose is. Who are we to decide?


Posted by: Tripp | Link to this comment | 10- 4-05 10:26 AM
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does he have one too?


Posted by: text | Link to this comment | 10- 4-05 10:27 AM
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Here's what "purpose" accomplishes: there is no sense of aimlessness, drifting, coasting. Far less existential crisis. Bill Clinton's purpose, he knew from a very young age, was to be President. All was aiming toward that goal. I seriously doubt he ever said to himself, gosh, I wonder if I'd enjoy being a professional bass fisherman more than this political business. The question was sort of irrelevant, and ultimately, he knew that the only thing he would enjoy was pursuing the dream of one day being President.

It's extremely gratifying to be certain of what you're "meant" to do; you don't waste any time trying on new hats to see if you like the fit. Then again, it's also a matter of putting all your eggs in one basket; if you fail at that one big thing, you have nothing else. That's the risk, and many people feel it's a risk not worth taking. However, the people who end up as the best of the best in most any field are the people who devote themselves fully to that field, without much of a backup plan. There are exceptions, but that generally seems to be how it shakes out.


Posted by: Joe Drymala | Link to this comment | 10- 4-05 10:28 AM
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For the young folks, my reference to a "special purpose" was an attempt at humor using terminology that Steve Martin used in the movie "The Jerk."


Posted by: Tripp | Link to this comment | 10- 4-05 10:30 AM
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I'm picking out a thermos for you, Tripp. Not an ordinary thermos.


Posted by: text | Link to this comment | 10- 4-05 10:32 AM
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47 -- I was just singing that song, since I just bought a thermos yesterday.

You're welcome.

I slit a sheet, a sheet I slit, upon the slitted sheet I sit.


Posted by: Joe Drymala | Link to this comment | 10- 4-05 10:33 AM
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Hey, good comments! There's more than one possible sad-making thing, depending on whether we're considering our own or others' wasted talents. I'd guess that we consider our own circumstances and choices more in terms of happiness or satisfaction. But in considering other people, it seems more aesthetic (like some great life won't be created), or Aristotelian (unmaximized potential = bad). All those overlap, of course, but I was mainly quavering at all the millions of people born in, for example, poorest Africa, who are surely gifted with many talents that they and the world will never know about.

(And, of course, also thinking about myself, in the manner of eb's 41.)


Posted by: ogged | Link to this comment | 10- 4-05 10:34 AM
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Shit.

Shinola.

That is to say, I got it, Tripp.


Posted by: Chopper | Link to this comment | 10- 4-05 10:35 AM
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I sing that song each time I take a bath. Which is every Tuesday.


Posted by: text | Link to this comment | 10- 4-05 10:37 AM
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53 Full many a gem of purest ray serene,

54 The dark unfathom'd caves of ocean bear:

55 Full many a flow'r is born to blush unseen,

56 And waste its sweetness on the desert air.

And this doesn't just happen in darkest Africa. You have to catch a lot of breaks to get set up in certain career paths. This is why I get so impatient with conservatarians sometimes.


Posted by: Matt Weiner | Link to this comment | 10- 4-05 10:41 AM
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I disagree with this sentiment. The general consensus about occupation is that we should do whatever we're excel at the most, and I don't think that's necessarily true. I figured out what I what I excel at (at least, in which domain I have the most natural talent) a long time ago, but it's not what I'm doing with my life. I certainly won't end up being the best lawyer in the world, but I think I'll like it.


Posted by: silvana | Link to this comment | 10- 4-05 10:44 AM
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we're = we


Posted by: silvana | Link to this comment | 10- 4-05 10:45 AM
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What if he didn't really like swimming, though?


Posted by: ben w-lfs-n | Link to this comment | 10- 4-05 10:45 AM
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What if he didn't really like swimming, though?

Then, if he quit, it would be sad for us, and good for him, then grudgingly ok with us.


Posted by: ogged | Link to this comment | 10- 4-05 10:46 AM
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I would comment, but ogged already wrote #49.


Posted by: Standpipe Bridgeplate | Link to this comment | 10- 4-05 10:50 AM
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I think when we imagine these things we always imagine whoever finds her true talent as deliriously happy to have discovered it. Obviously, that's not always true, but part of this imagining includes imagining that life would be so much better/more fulfilling/more authentic if I had been discovered/lucked out/found my calling.


Posted by: Cala | Link to this comment | 10- 4-05 10:51 AM
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I think it's this notion of "talent" that misses the mark in some way. Phelps has an ability - to swim very fast over certain distances and in certain conditions. It's not a particularly interesting ability to me, but it is to ogged and others. Lucky Phelps (if he doesn't mind ogged's obsessive homoerotic worship). I have an ability to trip over the smallest and least obvious object in a room; no one seem to be particularly interested in it. Poor me.


Posted by: SomeCallMeTim | Link to this comment | 10- 4-05 10:52 AM
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silvana,

what domain do you have the most natural talent in?


Posted by: bostoniangirl | Link to this comment | 10- 4-05 10:53 AM
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Well, Timbot, I'm generally fond of excellence, as we've discussed. With some exceptions, it doesn't much matter what the talent is, as long as its cultivated to extraordinarity.


Posted by: ogged | Link to this comment | 10- 4-05 10:59 AM
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Yes, but I'm saying that the "talents" you're approving are really variants of socially approved abilities. The trick is to find the appropriate society for your ability. There are almost certainly cafe cultures around the world that would, on the basis of the blog, consider you a hero of the first order. You need to find groups of such people IRL (assuming you are you IRL).


Posted by: SomeCallMeTim | Link to this comment | 10- 4-05 11:07 AM
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hmmm yes I can see how the world would be a terrible place if we had one fewer dolphin impersonators and one more sweaty herberts in a vest. Face it, the only sports worth bothering with are boxing and horse racing and everything else is kid's games.


Posted by: dsquared | Link to this comment | 10- 4-05 11:09 AM
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Ogged is Thomas Gray!

Elegy Written in a Country Churchyard

...Full many a gem of purest ray serene

The dark unfathom'd caves of ocean bear:

Full many a flower is born to blush unseen, 55

And waste its sweetness on the desert air.

Some village Hampden that with dauntless breast

The little tyrant of his fields withstood,

Some mute inglorious Milton here may rest,

Some Cromwell guiltless of his country's blood.

Th' applause of list'ning senates to command,

The threats of pain and ruin to despise,

To scatter plenty o'er a smiling land,

And read their history in a nation's eyes,

Their lot forbade: nor circumscribed alone

Their glowing virtues, but their crimes confined;

Forbade to wade through slaughter to a throne,

And shut the gates of mercy on mankind,...


Posted by: LizardBreath | Link to this comment | 10- 4-05 11:10 AM
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LB, see 52.


Posted by: ben w-lfs-n | Link to this comment | 10- 4-05 11:11 AM
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Suddenly, my image of dsquared has changed to a minor character out of Damon Runyon.


Posted by: LizardBreath | Link to this comment | 10- 4-05 11:11 AM
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Aw, crap. That's what I get for not reading the whole thread.


Posted by: LizardBreath | Link to this comment | 10- 4-05 11:12 AM
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The Greek's in town!


Posted by: Joe Drymala | Link to this comment | 10- 4-05 11:12 AM
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I agree with both Joe in 45 and Tim in 21, separate as the two thoughts may be. A couple months of serious (and, somehow, rather unprecedented) thought about my "authentic" life has led me to believe that 1) knowing what it is you want to do is a genuine blessing and that 2) not knowing leaves you vulnerable to lethal amounts of doubt regarding one's life at present.

Good catch with 22, Chopper, though I never picked up the passivity implied in SCMT's sentiments in The Plague.

Does knowing what you want to do actually make you any happier, or does it just simplify things?


Posted by: Tarrou | Link to this comment | 10- 4-05 11:14 AM
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There are almost certainly cafe cultures around the world that would, on the basis of the blog, consider you a hero of the first order.

Ogged's fondness for Salon revealed?


Posted by: ben w-lfs-n | Link to this comment | 10- 4-05 11:16 AM
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Sadly, I cannot read "elegy" without thinking of Russell's "On denoting."


Posted by: FL | Link to this comment | 10- 4-05 11:26 AM
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The word "elegy" always makes me think of this book of Rodney Jones poems, which is fantastic, by the way.


Posted by: apostropher | Link to this comment | 10- 4-05 11:30 AM
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Just the thought of that is almost more than I can stand. What if this guy so perfectly suited to this one thing had never tried it? How many millions of people's gifts go unknown, and die with them?

You know what, Ogged? In the grand scheme of things, we are mites who exist for less than the blink of an eye, riding through space on a wet speck of dust. Whether you or I or Phelps (or our great-great-grandparents or great-great-grandchildren) miss our calling isn't really that important.

We will return you to your meaningless Sartrean existences following these brief messages from our corporate sponsors.


Posted by: apostropher | Link to this comment | 10- 4-05 11:39 AM
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I understand that, apostropher, but our ability to get really upset about things that don't matter is one of our human gifts.

You totally missed your calling, by the way.


Posted by: ogged | Link to this comment | 10- 4-05 11:42 AM
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You totally missed your calling, by the way.

FUCK!!!

What was it?


Posted by: apostropher | Link to this comment | 10- 4-05 11:46 AM
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Official comedian of bacon.

No no, it's too late.


Posted by: ogged | Link to this comment | 10- 4-05 11:48 AM
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No no, it's too late.

Yeah, apparently so.


Posted by: apostropher | Link to this comment | 10- 4-05 11:56 AM
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Also, official Googler of the Universe.


Posted by: ogged | Link to this comment | 10- 4-05 11:57 AM
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Oh well, the salary band for that last one is crap anyhow.


Posted by: apostropher | Link to this comment | 10- 4-05 11:59 AM
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Good catch with 22, Chopper, though I never picked up the passivity implied in SCMT's sentiments in The Plague.

I guess. I was assuming "as acceptably as possible" precluded passivity.


Posted by: Chopper | Link to this comment | 10- 4-05 12:08 PM
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Re 58 et al. It's interesting. I think if we know have our passion, the success is sweeter. But if we have our passion and fail, the pain is worse. So those of us who haven't found it are lucky, and we can avoid finding it in order to avoid failing at it.


Posted by: tweedledopey | Link to this comment | 10- 4-05 12:26 PM
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I might be wrongly associating "acceptability" with passivity.


Posted by: Tarrou | Link to this comment | 10- 4-05 12:34 PM
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60: sorry for the delayed reponse. singing.

in fact, i came from rehearsal just now. i love singing, but i wouldn't want to do it for a living. i prefer to do something a little more useful. not that the world doesn't need art or anything.


Posted by: silvana | Link to this comment | 10- 4-05 12:37 PM
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It's hard to make it as a singer, hard to get health insurance and stuff.

There's a guy in Boston named David Kravitz who is part of a blog called bluemassgroup who does both. He clerked for Justice O'Connor and he pursues a career as an opera singer at the same time.


Posted by: bostoniangirl | Link to this comment | 10- 4-05 12:41 PM
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Yeah, I wasn't so much worried about that stuff, although I should have been, it was more just that I started studying vocal performance in college and noticed that I enjoyed my more "academic" classes a great deal more. Plus, I mean, I don't think I would have been some kind of superstar, and so, what's the point? I mean, I won't be a superstar lawyer, but at least I'll (hopefully) do something beneficial for society in my mediocrity.


Posted by: silvana | Link to this comment | 10- 4-05 12:56 PM
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It's sad, though, when you get to a point where you realize that if you had the capacity for greatness in a certain area, you never would have realized that potential due to circumstance.

For example, my parents were never very supportive of sports or dance or training in music or much that wasn't perfection in academics; I don't think I have the talent to have been a great athlete or concert pianist, but if I did? Wrong family for that talent to have a chance at being nurtured. If Michael Phelps were my brother, the first time he would have seen a pool would have been in mandatory high school swimming.

And it's just a fact of life that you can't maximize your potential in everything (generally), but it's still a bit unnerving to think about how much hangs on uncontrollable circumstances.


Posted by: Cala | Link to this comment | 10- 4-05 1:30 PM
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that's why my children will undergo a barrage of physical tests between the ages of seven and eight. I will know what they can do and cannot do, and I will tell them.


Posted by: text | Link to this comment | 10- 4-05 5:09 PM
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<Text rips off his mask, and reveals himself to be the former government of East Germany.>


Posted by: LizardBreath | Link to this comment | 10- 4-05 5:11 PM
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Damn it, LB, I was about to make a Soviet-bloc joke. The system worked pretty well, though.


Posted by: ogged | Link to this comment | 10- 4-05 5:12 PM
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I'd have gotten away with it too, if it weren't for you meddling kids.


Posted by: text | Link to this comment | 10- 4-05 5:14 PM
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The system worked pretty well, though.

The Soviet-bloc system for producing athletes, or the Unfogged system for producing wisecracks?


Posted by: LizardBreath | Link to this comment | 10- 4-05 5:20 PM
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The Soviet system, of course. At Unfogged, I don't see any system at all, LB.


Posted by: ogged | Link to this comment | 10- 4-05 5:24 PM
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The Soviet system, of course.

Only if you accept their expanded definition of "women".


Posted by: Matt F | Link to this comment | 10- 4-05 5:25 PM
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At Unfogged, I don't see any system at all, LB.

Suddenly, I find myself playing Marlon Brando to ogged's Martin Sheen.


Posted by: LizardBreath | Link to this comment | 10- 4-05 5:28 PM
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We were all just playing a game, but LB didn't know that anymore. She couldn't tell where the game stopped, and the river began.


Posted by: ogged | Link to this comment | 10- 4-05 5:30 PM
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The horror! The horror!!


Posted by: LizardBreath | Link to this comment | 10- 4-05 5:33 PM
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Okay I shouldn't admit to not knowing this, but please explain the joke behind the phrase, " She couldn't tell where the game stopped, and the river began."


Posted by: bostoniangirl | Link to this comment | 10- 4-05 5:33 PM
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That was more "in the style of" than a reference to anything.

This is the end.


Posted by: ogged | Link to this comment | 10- 4-05 5:35 PM
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One of the British papers gave out free copies of Heart of Darkness with their Sunday edition a few weeks ago.


Posted by: eb | Link to this comment | 10- 5-05 9:54 AM
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I can't stand the tension. 100.


Posted by: SomeCallMeTim | Link to this comment | 10- 5-05 10:03 AM
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101, dammit!


Posted by: Matt Weiner | Link to this comment | 10- 5-05 11:52 AM
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