So how is karma going to repay you for doing that?
Hard to say. What's karma's sense of humor like?
Doing that = -2 karma points
Posting it on the internet to amuse us = +4 kp
I give this guy twenty-seven months until he's panhandling downtown.
Or on top of the water tower with an automatic rifle. Karma's sense of humor is severely twisted.
3: It would be -2 points if a woman did it to another woman. Considering there's only one reason a man would be going into a stall, I'd say that's -4 points, easy.
there's only one reason a man would be going into a stall
Unless he's a sitzpinkler.
There's an old saying I just made up that might be relevant:
Tell a man there's no toilet paper;
and he wipes his ass once;
teach a man what happen when you don't check;
and his ass will always be wiped thereafter (possibly excluding this time)
Considering there's only one reason a man would be going into a stall
To masturbate, right?
SB, that's an awesome story. It had to be the Germans, and how great is it that they use the Chancellor's voice?
That said, I'm totally a sitzpinkler. It splashes, people!
Re 8: Being reprimanded by the voice of a prominent politician while preparing = undesirable fluids everywhere. Doubly so for the queen.
it's a vicious spiral down
It's better than a vicious spiral up. Sweet mother of God.
To masturbate, right?
Y'all don't just masturbate at the urinals? Goddamn but folks are weird outside of the South.
It is triggered when the seat is lifted.
Isn't this just going to lead to messes on the seats as well as the floor?
Klaus Schwerma, author of Standing Urinators: The Last Bastion of Masculinity?
We can all stop trying to be funny now. It's over.
That article finally explains something about the apartment I sublet in West Germany a couple of years ago. There was a (surprisingly high-quality) metal decal fixed onto the toilet tanks with a standing, urinating man crossed out. Since the apartment belonged to a man, I just chalked it up to some inside joke I was never going to get. But all is now explained.
Psychological studies show that this is indeed true. You ask people things like whether they are happy or not, and why not, and some people will tell you about breakups, fights with co-workers, were just fired and so on. Catch up to them five years later and, what a surprise, it's the same crowd who have the same set of complaints about how the world has dealt them a bumb hand. Ten years later, strangely, it seems the same bad things are still happening to them.
Of course there are institutional disadvantages to the lives of some people, but overall we are very much free to make of our lives what we want. If bad things keep happening to you, chances are pretty damn high you are responsible, not the rest of the world. (Not you personally, Ogged --- your life sucks because all of us hate you and work day and night to make sure you don't forget it.)
That said, I'm totally a sitzpinkler. It splashes, people!
The first time I read this not as "I sit because otherwise it splashes, which is gross" but as "It splashes when I sit. Wheeee! Fun!" Kinda freaked me out.
It's over.
Not yet.
It had to be the Germans
Not quite. The sitzpinkel movement, my dear ogged, began in Sweden.
Apparently, sitzpinkelmania went whirlagig around the wingnut blogs back in December 2004, on account of a column that quoted the linked article.
Let's not forget the women who pee standing up. ("Without Devices"!)
I pee in the lotus position, hovering anywhere from 22 to 36 cm above the seat, depending on the barometric pressure.
I give this guy twenty-seven months until he's panhandling downtown.
And just last week he was a folk hero.
That's not bad. I have my Indian manservant pee in the lotus position for me.
That's all I am to you? Your Indian manservant?
Dude, I've never met you. But you might want to find out whose Indian manservant you are.
I wept when I had no toilet paper, until I met a man with no asshole.
But you might want to find out whose Indian manservant you are.
There is much wisdom in ogged's words.
I deeply regret having read this thread.
Supposedly the only intentional joke in Kubrick's 2001
ZERO GRAVITY TOILET
PASSENGERS ARE ADVISED TO
READ INSTRUCTIONS BEFORE USE
1 The toilet is of the standard zero-gravity type. Depending on requirements, System A and/or System B can be used, details of which are clearly marked in the toilet compartment. When operating System A, depress lever and a plastic dalkron eliminator will be dispensed through the slot immediately underneath. When you have fastened the adhesive lip, attach connection marked by the large "X" outlet hose. Twist the silver coloured ring one inch below the connection point until you feel it lock.
2 The toilet is now ready for use. The Sonovac cleanser is activated by the small switch on the lip. When securing, twist the ring back to its initial-condition, so that the two orange line meet. Disconnect. Place the dalkron eliminator in the vacuum receptacle to the rear. Activate by pressing the blue button.
3 The controls for System B are located on te opposite wall. The red release switch places the uroliminator into position; it can be adjusted manually up or down by pressing the blue manual release button. The opening is self adjusting. To secure after use, press the green button which simultaneously activates the evaporator and returns the uroliminator to its storage position.
4 You may leave the lavatory if the green exit light is on over the door. If the red light is illuminated, one of the lavatory facilities is not properly secured. Press the "Stewardess" call button on the right of the door. She will secure all facilities from her controll panel outside. When gren exit light goes on you may open the door and leave. Please close the door behind you.
5 To use the Sonoshower, first undress and place all your clothes in the clothes rack. Put on the velcro slippers located in the cabinet immediately below. Enter the shower. On the control panel to your upper right upon entering you will see a "Shower seal" button. Press to activate. A green light will then be illuminated immediately below. On the intensity knob select the desired setting. Now depress the Sonovac activation lever. Bathe normally.
6 The Sonovac will automatically go off after three minutes unless you activate the "Manual off" over-ride switch by flipping it up. When you are ready to leave, press the blue "Shower seal" release button. The door will open and you may leave. Please remove the velcro slippers and place them in their container.
7 If the red light above this panel is on, the toilet is in use. When the green light is illuminated you may enter. However, you must carefully follow all instructions when using the facilities duting coasting (Zero G) flight. Inside there are three facilities: (1) the Sonowasher, (2) the Sonoshower, (3) the toilet. All three are designed to be used under weightless conditions. Please observe the sequence of operations for each individual facility.
8 Two modes for Sonowashing your face and hands are available, the "moist-towel" mode and the "Sonovac" ultrasonic cleaner mode. You may select either mode by moving the appropriate lever to the "Activate" position.
If you choose the "moist-towel" mode, depress the indicated yellow button and withdraw item. When you have finished, discard the towel in the vacuum dispenser, holding the indicated lever in the "active" position until the green light goes on...showing that the rollers have passed the towel completely into the dispenser. If you desire an additional towel, press the yellow button and repeat the cycle.
9 If you prefer the "Sonovac" ultrasonic cleaning mode, press the indicated blue button. When the twin panels open, pull forward by rings A & B. For cleaning the hands, use in this position. Set the timer to positions 10, 20, 30 or 40...indicative of the number of seconds required. The knob to the left, just below the blue light, has three settings, low, medium or high. For normal use, the medium setting is suggested.
10 After these settings have been made, you can activate the device by switching to the "ON" position the clearly marked red switch. If during the washing operation, you wish to change the settings, place the "manual off" over-ride switch in the "OFF" position. you may now make the change and repeat the cycle.
Sorry I'm new here so I suspect that may have been old news, especially with all the mineshaft refs I keep running across...is that another Kubrick thing?
Hovering about the toilet seat is unseemly, but we've learned to expect that from 'er.
Ben, suspect s/b expect. Thought you'd catch that. I don't think she knows. 'Sides, she doesn't talk much.
I must admit, it never occurred to me that you could simply ask men to sit on a toilet when they pee. I thought they had to stand for that bit, and simply be man enough to clean up any mess themselves. Nor did I know it was possible for women to stand and pee without devices. Nor did I know the full contents of the Zero Gravity Toilet instructions, or about its intentional humorousness. Really, BitchPh.D., this is one of the most educational unfogged threads I've ever read. Quite inspiring really.
But you might want to find out whose Indian manservant you are.
My fellow Sepia Mutineers will probably kill me, but that's bad enough to be funny, and I almost want a t-shirt. Have you seen Bollywood/Hollywood? I hope you have one of those vinyl cushiony seats.
she doesn't talk much
Are you mad?
Standing in, metaphorically, for the Unfogged comments themselves, and also used to denote that some phrase is to be given a sexual connotation. Its debut.
Thanks, I'd finally got off my lazy and googled it my own self.
That was a great thread, not least because everyone started out scoffing at my position but they all came 'round in the end.
That was a great thread
And a prime candidate for greatest thread evar.
44: Thus cementing your status as the pre-eminent cock theorist of our time.
#45: You know, Apo, I wrote out precisely that, and then deleted it as teh gay. But now that you've said it, it's teh gay in a fun way. I agree!
god, you guys, that really was the greatest thread ever.
That is the reason to always carry a good book. Notice I didn't say "the..."
This kind of thing is sometimes the only saving grace of having to share a bathroom with right-wing nutjob Republicans in Longworth.
Man, ogged, you go on hiatus for a couple of days and come back thinking you're Larry David or something. What's that about?
My friends will attest, snees, that one of the things I used to say about the loathesome Seinfeld was, "I could write this shit."
To this post, I would only have to add some inane catchphrase--"You left him alone on the island?" "I left him alone on the island." "You can't just leave him on the island!"
God, I hate that show.
God, I hate that show.
In all sincerity, that is perhaps the most puzzling thing about you.
some inane catchphrase
At the Mineshaft!
ogged is master of his domain at the 'Shaft, or is he not?