It's not clear from the article whether that's dates with 150 different people in a year, which sounds exhausting, even without the mimes.
I definitely want to know how the mime asked her out.
whether that's dates with 150 different people in a year
Yeah, just about.
A mime? I'm all for open-mindedness, but really.
[crickets chirping]
all i can assume is that the did the hole finger in the circle of other fingers routine.
well, that works too. but whole.
Does the article say if she was packing heat?
I'm not so amazed by it, I guess. It seems like a pretty reasonable idea.
That's nearly a date every other day of the year. She did this as a student? Come on. I hear that James Frey is a wanted fugitive in three states!!1!
Does the article say if she was packing heat?
If you go to the Q&A on her site, she's asked about personal safety, and says it wasn't a major concern (though she had some basic groundrules: like saying "no" to people who were drugged or seemed violent).
10 -- no, I think you are thinking of desperado Glen Frey.
"I guess it was a kind of extreme dating," she says. "All my male friends were very excited by it, though. They said, 'I so wish all women were like this.' "
And then they said, "Will you go out with me?"
Does the article say if she was packing heat?
Ain't no use wasting no time gettin' to know each other; you know the deal.
Joe -- is that line from a movie?
Why is this wierd to people? Especially at that age. I'm really not getting it.
17 -- it's from "Debra", by Beck.
Tim, it doesn's seem strange that she basically suspended her judgement and dated anyone who asked? Or that she went on 150 dates in a year? It's not obviously crazy, but it's unusual, and probably unsustainable.
I think when it got to the mime she was really trawling at the lowest depths of human depravity, though.
Hey let's take it down a notch with the mimophobia okay? Some of my best friends are mimes...
OK, so 150 is really high. But that just seems like an energy issue; it's hard for me to think about people who have kids, a wife, and a job, training for a triathalon. And she did have some rules - no violence, no crazy, I think you said. She just came to the realization that the full set of rules she started with were not a good set. So she rebuilt them from the ground up. Just seems sane to me.
You are hidebound and conservative in dating matters.
So, Ogged, does this appeal to you only in theory or does this mean you'd now say yes to a 5'2" squeaky heel-wearing Russian?
I thought the "you'd have to be carefree and generous" line answered that question, Becks.
26 -- that line comes across slightly different when you add the "'d".
I think she sounds sane, but I can't imagine being attractive enough to be asked out 150 times in a year.
Again though, if you check out her site, and read the Q&A, you'll see that 1) she's average-looking and 2) she says that she was asked out because she made eye-contact and smiled at people, rather than ignoring them or acting afraid. The Q&A (which I can't link to, because it's a flash site) is pretty interesting.
Did she build her dating preferences from the ground up in good faith, if she spent one year "responding positively to all flirting"? Wasn't she surely egging on a lot of guys who 1) gave her atrocious lines and 2) maybe didn't intend to flirt with her? I don't know. I think, what she did, is decide to write a book, and probably introduced herself to more men than this language lets on—I just don't believe that a woman who simply navigates her day and only adjusts her answer to flirting will fall into 150 dates.
She says she didn't intend to write a book.
I just don't believe that a woman who simply navigates her day and only adjusts her answer to flirting will fall into 150 dates.
I dunno. A non-ugly, friendly woman can get a lot of dates in NY if she's willing to date just about anyone. I do think the "in NY" part is key, though.
I just don't believe that a woman who simply navigates her day and only adjusts her answer to flirting will fall into 150 dates.
Actually, this sounds plausible to me. High, yes, but plausible.
Back to the 'purple fluty' thread -- if she's a good flirt, I buy it. I have a college buddy who, while pretty, is nothing extraordinary, but she has serious mojo. Walking around with her, she gets into a conversation with a stranger that might easily turn into a date about every couple of hours.
Now, I wouldn't characterize that as responding to flirting so much as initiating it, but in my friend's case, she flirts with everyone, all day. If this woman is like that, simply not ending the conversation before it turns into a request for a date could easily turn into a fresh date every couple of days.
It sounds plausible to me too. And doesn't require mojo. This will happen if she crosses the line into overture, by saying "hi." You could get asked out ten times in a day saying hi.
36: I consider the capacity to make oneself be friendly to strangers to, in itself, constitute mojo.
What constitutes a "date" in these 150 dates?... Is going for a cup of coffee considered a date ?...
I vote, plausible. If every time you made eye contact on the subway you didn't break it, you could easily get a date every two days.
Is going for a cup of coffee considered a date ?
I think so, yeah.
38 -- I had this very weird late-night drunken experience in college, where I rode the #1 train uptown all the way from 14th Street to 110th Street (my stop) locked in eye contact with the woman sitting across from me. No words were spoken, and she was sitting next to and holding hands with a man.
I think there's a big difference between being cheery and having lots of mojo.
I know a total innocent who just adopted this strategy.
I think there's a big difference between being cheery and having lots of mojo.
I think LB was making a self-deprecating remark about her own unsociability.
I know a total innocent who just adopted this strategy.
A friend of yours is now aggressively staring at members of the opposite sex on subways while their SOs aren't looking?
also, is the site (unfogged) loading slowly for anyone else again?
Hey let's take it down a notch with the mimophobia okay? Some of my best friends are mimes...
But we still need a word to describe the quality we're trying to disparage with mime.
I totally want to read this book. My question is, is there some middle ground between accepting *anyone* who asks and learning to interrogate one's assumptions about who is an "appropriate" dating partner? Obviously part of what's so unusual about her approach is that she dated homeless men, i.e., she suspended the usual assumptions about social class, which I think is pretty cool.
Pretending to be trapped in an invisible box is so mime.
re 23
Mark Linn-Baker, the less talented actor on "Perfect Strangers", studied mime at Yale and would get real pissy when talk show hosts would make fun of mimes.
"It's not obviously crazy, but it's unusual, and probably unsustainable."
Another victime of the "lump of dating" fallacy. the amount of dating in the world is virtually infinite.
My very attractive sister has a less attractive friend who can get a date any time she wants. She looks pleasant, warm, friendly, unthreatening, and cheerful, and she responds to any overture with pleasant, encouraging signals.
In all seriousness, I really, really hate mimes. And historical reenactors. And those juggling/unicycling douchebags in the park.
She looks pleasant, warm, friendly, unthreatening, and cheerful, and she responds to any overture with pleasant, encouraging signals.
That's my college friend.
Assuming going for coffee is a date. If she went for coffee with a group of guys, say 3... is that then 3 dates or 1 in the 150 dates?... It depends on what she considers a date.
In all seriousness, I really, really hate mimes.
Bigot. I suppose the very idea of mime marriage revolts you. Well, I have news for you, buster.
If she "went for coffee" with a group of guys
This is a groovy new euphemism.
That said I think a single instance of group sex should count as only one date. Just my $.02.
I've told this story before, but it's relevant again. A work friend was very depressed after leaving her husband. She didn't have any close friends nearby so she put a generic singles ad in the paper and renewed it continuously. Her ad was clearly a "nothing serious, just friends" ad.
She had two dates a day for a year and never had to buy food the whole time. She had three second dates out of 700+. One of the second dates she introduced to a friend of hers, and they eventually married.
JO, they always used to say "You can't get a decent cup of coffee in a Communist country", and that's what they meant. I've heard that good coffee is easy to get in today's Cuba, though.
Bigot. I suppose the very idea of mime marriage revolts you. Well, I have news for you, buster.
I don't care what they do in the privacy of their own homes. I just don't want them doing it in front of me.
Call me a bigot, but I would not date a mime.
studied mime at Yale
Yale has a Mime Studies department??
Do they have a graduate program? If so, what are the orals like?
IA chooses the oddest times to appear.
Normally she's miming silently in the background.....
tweedledopey is banned, and immediately reinstated.
51, 52:
And those juggling/unicycling douchebags in the park.
By way of contrast, that's my college friend.
Okay, I see what you guys are saying about flirting. I bite strangers at random on the Metro, so, taking that as a standard and intensifying it by an order of magnitude, I could only realistically expect eyeball sex with a mime.
Did the mime speak on their date? Am I the only one wondering this?
Is mime-hatred another one of those things, like Mother Goose rhymes, that I missed out on by spending my early days in Iran? What's the matter with mimes?
They're... kinda creepy and annoying? Mime-hatred seems kind of extreme, but I really don't like mimes. Or clowns.
74 -- I've never gotten it either and I grew up in middle America. (Well California but still.) People seem to find them annoying. I (a) never found them ubiquitous enough to bother holding an opion on them, (b) find them entertaining enough when I pass by a mime performance in the park, I may stand around and watch, even put coins into the proffered hat.
For me it involves a sunny spring day near the end of college, a large amount of mushrooms and weed, and this fucking mime that followed me around doing that I'm-pulling-you-in-with-a-rope thing.
I still get chills when I see a mime.
I guess I should clarify that it's only the black-and-white striped "classic-style" mimes that I find so annoying. Other mime-based street performance is ok by me.
She had two dates a day for a year and never had to buy food the whole time.
Wow, women can really save a lot of money this way. As for the mime thing, does the mime stay in mime mode on the date? Yeah, I can't imagine doing that. I totally want to get this book, too.
How do you go on a date with a homeless guy, anyway? Dumpster diving? In my experience, dates require money, which homeless guys don't have much of.
73 -- Clowns? You hate clowns? This seems to me much more wrong-headed and creepy than disliking mimes. Talented clowns are some of the best entertainers around in my book; and untalented ones pretty easy to ignore.
77: No jury in the world would have convicted you if you had stabbed him in the neck.
81 -- presumably on a date with a homeless man, she treated. There is of course an apropos Seinfeld episode. (Go to the back of the class, Osner!)
mime that followed me around doing that I'm-pulling-you-in-with-a-rope thing
They do that? In that case, I too fucking hate mimes.
I've wondered where this started and I think it goes back to the time I went to the circus, and a clown killed my dad.
How do you go on a date with a homeless guy, anyway? Dumpster diving? In my experience, dates require money, which homeless guys don't have much of.
I was asked on a date by a homeless guy. He wanted to take me to lunch. Presumably he had had a successful morning rush hour.
Since it was my Year of No, I turned him down.
Don't like mimes, but really don't like clowns. Clowns are worse than mimes.
Ok, clearly mimes are in the habit of interacting with people, rather than just performing for whoever wanders by. I've never had a mime do that, so I was ignorant.
Except for the dancing clowns in Rize; they rocked.
I'll go ahead and declare myself teh mime and say that Marcel Marceau is pretty irresistible. He's 82 and probably won't follow you around gay Paris; you just shut the VCR off when you're tired of him.
Except for the dancing clowns in Rize; they rocked
I believe those are "klownz."
Some of my friends and I once went to a college basketball game dressed as mimes, with the intention of annoying people.
It worked.
Sorry to interrupt, but has anyone here ever lived somewhere with no kitchen access (and no meal plan so dorms don't count) for an extended period of time (2-3 months or more)?
Also, I don't hate mime performances or clowns.
Nope. Surely there are other places available? I think no kitchen would really suck.
Yeah, I don't hate mimes or clowns either, but I wanted to fit in. Desperately.
re 97
If you can afford to eat out all the time, it is doable. I have gone months without using a kitchen.
97--I have a good friend whose place is like that. He eats from restaurants and corner-stands, and yeah, his health is terrible.
In New York you can eat out all the time and be healthy, at least if you commonly travel through the neighborhoods I do.
I have to admit that Marcel Marceau's cameo in Mel Brooks's "Silent Movie" is the best part of that movie.
102 -- and not spend too much money, to boot. Especially if you'd otherwise be cooking for one, which is pricey and sort of not worth it, unless you really love to cook.
Microwaves are kitchens in a box.
Well, I'm assuming refrigerator, microwave, rice cooker, but would have to negotiate. But the only reason I'm considering it is that the rent is much lower than anywhere else I've seen involving no roommate and I know the guy whose relative is renting the room. The thing is, obviously, eating out costs a lot and I don't have much of a budget for this, unless I decide to stay in the area in which case I'd look for a better place anyway.
104: Totally. I sometimes cook because I think it makes life better, but it's definitely more expensive.
You can seriously do a lot with a toaster oven and a George Foreman grill.
Though not, to my knowledge, in combination with one another.
And they sell those little table-top one-burner thingies. The biggest thing for me is plumbing -- if you can imagine doing dishes reasonably in that setup, you can do it. If you're dooming yourself to a life of crumbs all over your bedroom, it isn't worth it.
Maria Dahvana Headley's husband won the pulitzer prize for drama in 1992. Which technically makes him an intellectual, literary type.
I was at Subway today, and ordered a Chicken Parmesean sub.
The first question was, "What kind of cheese do you want on that?"
As long as this is an advice giving thread, should I take Psychology of Violence, Gender Roles, or Personality Theory? I can still change my mind.
I can still change my mind
The decisiveness thread leads me to think Psychology of Violence would be interesting.
Psychology of Violence ties in nicely with the thread below.
Actually, the only one of those I have any experience with is Personality Theory, and I found it very interesting. Much self-analyzing ensued.
Can you take a mash-up of Psychology of Violence with Gender Roles? That could be interesting.
You know, I was feeling like taking Psychology of Violence, but I felt guilty because I hadn't discussed it with my advisor.
Sounds like you might be better suited for Psychology of Prissiness, instead.
I think that's covered in Personality Theory.
115: no.
Most here are probably not Bobcat Goldthwaite fans, but "Shakes the Clown" was structured around a mime / clown / rodeo clown heirearchy. The rodeo clowns beat up the clowns, and the clowns beat up the mimes. Bobcat (a clown) tries at one point to pretend to be a mime in order to escape from his enemies, and the mimes spot him immediately and devastate him with subtle ridicule.
It might be a good people for people here to see. Mostly inept guys wondering how to get girls.
Can you take a mash-up of Psychology of Violence with Gender Roles? That could be interesting.
No, that would be Unfogged.
I'm voting for Personality Theory.
should I take Psychology of Violence, Gender Roles, or Personality Theory? I can still change my mind.
They all sound pretty interesting to me. Maybe go with the one that has the best prof. In addition to talking to people, see www.ratemyprofessor.com and I think some other sites.
"a good movie for people here to see"
I second the recommendation of Shakes the Clown, which billed itself as "the finest of the alcoholic clown movies."
Mostly inept guys wondering how to get girls.
By that I meant the movie, "Shakes the Clown", and not anyone here.
Yes, we're so inept we don't need to wonder: it's the ineptness that's the problem.
Oh man, POV is cancelled. And maybe it wouldn't have been if I'd have registered earlier. Now what should I do? And no considering how insuffereble I am in Unfogged comment threads as a contending factor.
Notes: Personality Theory is a core class, which is a requirement, which is theoretically good, although I might never actually have to finish this program (might apply to PhD programs in the middle). And the other class I'm taking is Stats, so I want that leavened with something lively, and a core class might be plodding and textbook bound. But maybe it would be good to take something easier to go along with Stats. The scheduling advantage of Personality Theory would be that it would leave three weeknights free rather than two; the advantage of Gender Roles would be that it wouldn't require me to ask for a shift in my work hours (though that wouldn't be a problem with my bosses).
should I take Psychology of Violence, Gender Roles, or Personality Theory? I can still change my mind.
Personality Theory might be most helpful in changing your mind. Is thre a lab component where you can practice changin minds?
Is Psychology of Violence offered throught the Phys Ed Department? Is Gender Roles part of Anthro, Sociology, Women's Studies, or Theater? Does it matter?
Thank you. I'm going to have to think about what psychology has to do with gender roles. The thought had never crossed my mind.
What's the matter with mimes?
I can't exactly say. I think it has something to do with their refusal to speak, in combination with their prissy affectations and their fundamental silliness. Please don't give money to the mimes! that only serves to encourage them.
On clowns, I recommend Nick Park's "Clowns and the Circus." Clip can be found here:
http://www.ifilm.com/ifilmdetail/2676291?htv=12
But where clowns are just sad, mimes are actively evil.
If perchance I am being mocked in 135, I'll say in my defense that it seemed plausible to take your last question seriously, so I answered it thus.
New information for my IA profile.
Hey, that clip is funny, IA. Almost as funny as a carful of dead clowns.
Can we at least agree that clowns who do not speak are the worst of all?
That clip is awesome. The male horse cracks me up.
I remember seeing Goldthwaite on a late night talk show just before Shakes the Clown came out, joking that if it didn't do well, he'd wind up doing the boat shows with David Hasselhoff. He should be so lucky.
All of you mime haterz just haven't felt the power of gospel mime. Do not skip the flash intro.
What are you doing out here, anyway, eb?
Well, there's some research I want/need to do that I can only do out there - mainly at Berkeley, actually, but I need to use your institution's library too - but I also need to get started on some writing if I'm ever going to get a draft of an article finished. The next few months will pretty much determine whether or not I return to grad school. But not knowing what I'm going to do in the future is really making it hard to tell just how much I should put into writing something that may not have any effect on whatever it is I do afterwards.
In writing this it occurs to me that I'm really tired of the constraints of pseudonymity.
Ben, you sure did comment a lot more before you went back to school. I'm not sure this new arrangement is working out for me.
Can we at least agree that clowns who do not speak are the worst of all?
Those who clown do not speak. Those who speak do not clown.
The local Barnes & Noble has it, so I'm getting a copy this evening. I'll let you know how it is.
If perchance I am being mocked in 135, I'll say in my defense that it seemed plausible to take your last question seriously, so I answered it thus
I intended no mockery, and I was sincere in saying thanks. I come from traditions where gender roles were considered from the culture perspective, as in anthropology, and I've seen them approached from a political and sociological point of view. Thus, gender roles seemed an aspect of social groups, where (in my ignorance, I'd always thought of psychology as more of the study of individuals (as opposed, for example, to social psychology, another subject of which I am ignorant). So I really did mean it hadn't crossed my mind. My apologies if it sounded insincere.
In writing this it occurs to me that I'm really tired of the constraints of pseudonymity.
Have you considered coming out?
(sorry, that one was snide and insincere. I just feel so virtuous, being essentially involnerable, even acting under my own name)
I only now checked out the website and it's in Comic Sans, which is just wrong. It is probably revealing that I am using shallow, superficial criteria to judge a book that is about not using shallow, superficial criteria to make judgements.
Furthermore, it's a Flash site.
You complain now, but next year you'll be writing at least one word in each font you have available.
When do y'all get home from church? Man it's boring round here.
While away the time with Moira's archives.
Just got back from church, y'all!
Jesus. When does John get back from his black mass?
I just finished reading "The Year of Yes." I liked it. It's funny, and the ending is very sweet.
The goat wasn'y cooperating so it took longer than usual.
Here is an excerpt regarding one of the author's less successful dates. She is with a Frenchman she first met about an hour before, who has already proposed marriage to her. In the cab, she said she would not sleep with him, to which he responded that they would make love for the first time on their wedding night, since he is Catholic. They are in the elevator going up to his penthouse apartment:
He pulled a photograph out of his wallet and pointed at it nervously.
"Steve Jobs has had me to his home as a participant in social events! I am a friend to persons well-known in the world!"
The photo showed Jarzhe with his arm around someone who looked very much like Apple's CEO. They were both grinning, and giving the thumbs-up sign in front of a melting ice sculpture. It had the look of a souvenir photo taken in, say, Colonial Williamsburg. Steve Jobs looked like a cardboard cutout, which was, in my opinion, very plausibly what he was. Jarzhe looked rapturous.
"Now I will introduce you to God," Jarzhe said.
Somewhere, there was a phantom drumroll, as Jarzhe unzipped his fly. I backed myself into a corner, but really, there was no need. If this was God, it was more like one of the lesser gods. Why would a man cede higher power to his penis, anyway? Penises had terrible judgment. They were known for betraying their owners. Wouldn't Judas be a more appropriate name?
Jarzhe said, "You will suck on my cock a little bit?"
When my sister was in high school, she'd gone out with a devout Mormon guy named John. He'd been wracked with guilt over their heavy petting and had confessed his sins to the church, going so far as to drag Molly in for a joint consultation with a panel of church elders on the wickedness of tempting young men. John had then been referred to God, for a serious talk. Upon emerging from his powwow with the Heavenly Father, Molly's boyfriend had happily explained that, while he was not allowed to do anything that might give her pleasure, God would look the other way if Molly wanted to give John a blow job. God was a guy himself, John had explained, and so he'd cut him a break.
Apparently, Jarzhe had a similar deal.
The elevator doors opened into a gilded foyer, just in time to save me from having to respond. Jarzhe zipped up.
"We will meet in the powder room after dinner," he said, patted my rump, and stepped out of the elevator. The apartment door was already swinging open. I glimpsed an unlucky young someone in a maid's outfit, holding a tray of champagne glasses and smiling a frozen smile, as the elevator doors closed again, me still inside.
The last thing I heard Jarzhe say, as the elevator descended, was, "I am a millionaiiiiiiiiiirrrrrre! Where are you goooooooooooooooing?"
btw, she didn't really have a date with the mime, just an encounter with him on a train. Like so many of you, she hates mimes, too.
Another excerpt:
By the time I got out of the shower, I'd forgotten what Pierre [her neighbor] had said about my neck. I was late for my sign language class.
. . . .
I went into class and took off my sweater. The teacher started laughing in his high-pitched way. He pointed at me. He put his hand beneath his chin, wiggling his fingers, and then made a sign I recognized. Two Ps, banging together.
"Dirty fucking," the teacher wrote on the board, and then signed it again, slowly, for the remedial students. I looked down at my arm, and saw a trail of bite marks beginning at my wrist. My sign language partner informed me that my neck was covered, as well. Several others in the room attempted to ask why they didn't get laid as well as I clearly had. Why lie, I thought. Sign language was a blunt thing and everyone was obscene, all the time. It was the only part of the language most of us really understood. Plus, extra points were given for successful dirty joke tellings.
"Yes," I signed. "He bite."
"Fun!" signed the teacher.
"Fun!" agreed several students.
"Love is big hurt," I signed, in a paroxysm of honesty. "One month before today, me heart break from a boy actor. Boy actor maybe gay, but sex with me anyway." Here I got exactly the right facial expression, and the teacher applauded.
"Men bad," I signed, and the teacher agreed. He was himself gay, and his regular complaint was that the gay deaf community was tiny, ugly, and not well hung.
"But poor me love bad men," I continued. "Now, I meet another bad. He bite!"
The class applauded. It was the longest sentence I'd ever managed to get through without breaking into an inappropriate smile.
"Introduce me?" signed the teacher.
"Straight," I signed.
"Shit," signed the teacher.
"Shit," signed several other people in the room.
I just read the first chapter. What prompted her to embark on the year of yes was this: an acquaintance from a writer's workshop called her up and said, "I'm listening to NPR; do you want to come over and make out?"
God, I hope never to hear such a line.
Perhaps this sort of fluff would be appropriate for an unfogged reading group-lite. Then afterwards, we could do something semi-serious. This book definitely has teh feel of unfogged. It reminds me of Becks' comment about recognizing your soulmates at the movies and realizing taht they're 15 year-old boys. The woman's perfectly mature, but I think she'd fit right in here.
I'd just like to clarify that I said "kindred spirits", not "soulmates". I have not yet reached the point where I am cruising 15-year-old boys.
Sorry, Becks. I should have been more precise or, rather, accurate.
164: Dude, just admit it - you like the teacher-bait.
165 - That's OK, BG. Notice that I did say "yet".
What prompted her to embark on the year of yes was this: an acquaintance from a writer's workshop called her up and said, "I'm listening to NPR; do you want to come over and make out?"
God, I hope never to hear such a line.
I'm reading Unfogged. Do you want to come over and make out?
I wonder what he was listening to on NPR that one could make out to.
All Songs Considered, maybe. Talk of the Nation, probably not. The Diane Rehm Show, definitely not.
It was Morning Edition. Perhaps Bob Edwards' deep throaty voice inspired him.
I've actually spent a ridiculous amount of time making out while listening to NPR.
I've actually spent a ridiculous amount of time making out while listening to NPR.
The guy obviously should've called you instead of Maria Dahvana Headley.
BPhD is amenable to making out while listening to NPR. Maria Dahvana Headley isn't. (Yes, I realize BPhD doubtless wouldn't go over to some random guy's house in response to such an entreaty. It was an attempt at humor.)
160:
Geez. How come many times when I hear so-called 'religious' talk I'm left thinking cynically "How very convenient?"
My God instructs me to do some things which are fairly easy (care about people, love my children) and some things which are very, very difficult (turn the other cheek, give generously to charity).
I guess at some level I'm selfish because hopefully these things will lead to future rewards but there is being 'selfish' and there is being a 'selfish controlling prick.'
And 'please come over and make out' may be a bit funny in certain circumstances but really what ever happened to a bit of mystery and romance?
