More awesome than anything has a right to be.
And did you see this associated note?
A recent reanalysis of Alfred Kinsey's data, titled "The Relation Between Sexual Orientation and Penile Size," found that homosexuals had significantly larger penises than nonhomosexuals, no matter how the measurements were done.
I should note for the record that Michael alerted me to this article.
I should note for the record that Michael alerted me to this article.
Interesting. Do you read your @unfogged.com email, apo?
Slate also tackles the important "do circumcised or uncircumcised men have better sex" issue today.
4: It forwards to my home address, so yes.
I have it on good authority that circumference is at least as important as length. Elliptical vs cylindrical? A moderate upward bend at the extremity is also useful. Prehensility creates possibilities.
And finally, what the item is attached to is not irrelevant.
Have you sent me an email, SB? If so, I don't think I received it.
Have you sent me an email, SB? If so, I don't think I received it.
I did. It must be shivering under a bridge out there in the cruel internet megalopolis. It used to answer to "Slate's cock theorists are no match for our own", but now it just goes by "Butch".
It must be shivering under a bridge out there in the cruel internet megalopolis.
Or crumpled up in his back pocket, with the rest of the interweb.
Huh. I'll check the laptop when I get home from work. Maybe I just missed it or the spam filter grabbed it.
We all know the real answer is "Michael promised me sexual favors", so you can stop pretending.
It seems plausible that putting "cock" in the subject line may make an e-mail more likely to be spam filtered.
13 is right, which is why i attatch images instead of writing it out.
What has the world come to, that I can't cock-message apostropher?
Michael promised sexual favors to the spam filters too.
It's your over-reliance on sterile technology that's leaving you alienated and disconnected, Standpipe. Do as I do and cock-massage apostropher. It's the key to fulfillment, if not enlightenment.
Do as I do and cock-massage apostropher.
Yes, yes, good advice for the entire community.
fulfillment
Please, don't leave anything to our imaginations...
Do they have any figures on ejaculatory distance?
(Now picturing Adam playing a variation on paintball...)
Are we to understand that the goopy liquid issues are all but overcome?
I'm too busy with Miss Marple, at the moment.
What really needs to happen is that SB and apo need to employ a psychic who can communicate with the land of spam filtered email to rescue Butch from huddling on park benches wih only a copy of Manly Dominion in a Passive-Purple-Four-Ball World for a pillow, hustling penis enlargement pills to make a buck. Then, after the psychic contacts Butch and lets her know she's still loved and remembered, the psychic leaves, and apo winks at SB as if to say that the real fulfillment activities have yet to begin, SB can say, "But apo, the medium was the massage."
26: Awesome. Also, I was watching Annie Hall this weekend.
The shaggy-dog-story which was Unfogged is over now, having culminated with the punchline supplied by Tia at 26. Move along.
Indeed. Once Apostropher arrives, the party's over.
I can keep arriving over and over again, though, so don't stop partying on my account.
arriving
'S that a pun for "coming"? Cause it's a bit of a stretch if so.
Hey, if stretching helps you arrive, that's cool.
Osner, let me explain something to you about the facts of life. You don't stretch your penis before you put it in the girl; that's only if you want to measure it.
I can keep arriving over and over again
I can totally confirm this.
21: I'm the next Jackson Pollack.
I don't know about the penis enlargement creams you get emails about, but Crisco has exactly the opposite of the effect you're hoping for.
Do you mean it gums up the works rather than lubricating them? Or something else?
I can testify that Crisco lived up to and exceeded my expectations as a shortening agent.
But you did make it four minutes, Osner! Keep working on it.
And it came out light, flaky, and golden brown!
I always show up late to these parties...
I don't know if this is in the spirit of things or not, but I just got back from my allergist where I had to undergo a "prick test." Should I be glad that it came out negative...?
Matthew Harvey, we're all in apo's spirit at this point.
MH, that's a subjective question. How do you feel about testing negative for a prick?
Well, apo, I feel as though they couldn't have been looking very carefully. (IYKWIM...) Unless they were confirming that I am not a prick.
40: Most of that was spent running down to the kitchen, and rummaging through the cupboards...
[wail] Iiiiii aaaaam apoooooostropher's spiiiiiiiiriiit[/wail]
Speaking of lubrication, do you guys prefer butter or margarine? I like the margarine because it spreads more easily, but I've heard that it might not be as good for my partner.
Lard.
a/k/a Apostroglide.
Youse guys are phillistines! I don't see how anyone could use anything besides extra-virgin olive oil.
When you're stuck like glue
Vaseline
When you need some goo
When you're stuck like glue
Vaseline
When you're black and blue
Vaseline
la la la la la la la la la la
OH, I'll put some sugar in your gas tank, baby
Put some sugar in your tank
You may start coughing and squirming
but you won't get far from me
I know a girl who
Thinks of ghosts
She'll make ya breakfast
She'll make ya toast
She don't use butter
She don't use cheese
She don't use jelly
Or any of these
She uses vaseline
Vaseline seems to have the support of the alternative rock community.
57: One hopes it wouldn't be extra-virgin for long.
(Yeah, that was kind of weak.)
Let's not forget "Vasoline". Sausagely was apparently a Stone Temple Pilot.
I like hydraulic fluid, cause I'm like a jack hammer.
What about those synthetic motor oils? They say you have to change them less often, but I'm skeptical.
OK, I've been ewwwed out for about the last 20 comments (including my own). I vote we go back to talking about size and circumcision.
circumcision: decreases size. provides its own lubricant.
70: There's no r in that word, ac. And it's a crappy lubricant.
Honestly, what kind of wusses are you all? What's wrong with good old fashioned spit?
"
Once you've become a veteran of the penis-elongation debate (and I invite you to join), you know all about how data can be massaged or manipulated.
"
Only the data? I can't believe it's post 74 and no-one has done anything with this sentence.
The "ahem" in the post kinda made it implicit, don't you think?
You're taking spit over unleaded gasoline and we're the wusses?
73: I've heard that if you're doing it right, the woman produces her own lube, but I don't believe it.
This is a beautiful discussion for Valentine's Day.
I reckon snot would make good, natural lube, but I've never actually given it a go.
I vote we go back to talking about size and circumcision.
I'm huge, almost a monstrosity. When were we talking about circumcision? I missed that.
#76: Hey, I'm a girl. My manhood isn't the issue here.
Confirmation: my spam filter snagged SB's email. I am touched, however, that when Slate publishes an article about penises that so many of you guys think of me first.
I just want to say that I though of what perhaps would have been the grossest comment ever made at Unfogged, and I actually refrained from making it. It would have been made at 69, where Becks is complaining about how gross the comments are.
Would it involve taking up her suggestion and starting talking about size and circumcision?
OK, now I want to hear it, Tia. Don't be a tease.
Don't be a tease.
Tool of the patriarchy.
Maybe I should email it to you, and you can be my secret becks, to go along with my secret weiner.
We need to have a "grossest comment" thread all it's own. Someone set it up.
Becks, are you taunting me? Because I just sent you the email. I hope you feel guilty now.
If it was just some variation on the Sandpaper Sally joke, I'm going to be totally disappointed.
BTW did you think of making this purportedly grossest comment soon after Becks' 69 was posted, when it would have been clever and funny, or just now when you posted 85, by which time it would have been totally l4m3? And not worth posting without creating a secondary ruckus about how great you are for thinking of the grossest comment and not posting it? Just sayin.
JO, you've exposed me for the attention whore that I am. And now you will, never, ever know my comment. I hope you're proud of yourself.
Send it to me!
BTW, the collegehumor.com people can't do anything right. Their version of the Sandpaper Sally joke has "puss" for "pus." That just ruins the whole joke, if such a thing be possible.
I'm feeling left out. :( I wanna know the joke. I even have a truly filthy one with which to reciprocate.