Wasn't this already covered on Unfogged, somewhere? Not that I'm complaining...
Or maybe I'm just imagining it. You go to the interwebs with the Unfogged posts you have, not the Unfogged posts you want.
Only if long black cocks are safe at your work.
Only if long black cocks are safe at your work.
Safe? They're practically revered!
I want to know what the non-Aggie contingent thinks. Probably, this counts as a moral victory.
Yeah, I'm going to give that a hook 'em.
It's only appropriate for me to try to threadjack a thread about long black cock to announce this:
My baby girl is on the cover of a magazine!! And I took the picture!
That picture makes your baby girl look huge, like black cock.
Awesome, Chopper.
And yeah, that UT guy is looking pretty large, for a non-combat situation.
I've seen non-combat cocks that size.
And, in a *separate comment* for reasons of human decency, that's *your* baby, Chopper? Teh cute!
I've seen non-combat cocks that size.
Apostropher is the hero!
I've done extensive research in the field, and I can tell you that's not a big black dick. Or a dick at all for that matter.
He was wearing a strap-on while playing basketball?
I've done extensive research in the field, and I can tell you that's not a big black dick
Extensive research in the field of big black dicks? Scientific-type research or just your normal saturday night kind of stuff?
16: Makes it easier to post up your opponent.
Not only is she as cute as the dickens, she started sleeping through the night at 3 months.
Meh, after far too close scrutiny of the picture, I can see the "tragic photoshop accident" line. For one thing, it looks like it would have to be attached farther down the thigh than is customary.
I wonder if Dick Vitale was calling this game.
I shall, of course, defer to Stroll's undoubtedly superior first-hand knowledge of the subject.
It would a long purple cock. About 45 cm long.
I'm not saying I buy the optical illusion story. I think the guy had tucked a smallish purple octupus in his pants.
That's a cute kid, and ParentLand is awesome. That's Leigh Anne's husband's magazine.
About 45 cm long.
There are about 12 people in America who know how long 45 cm is.
It's nearly half a meter, is it not?
Christ, w-lfs-n will never let me live this down.
If you hadn't admitted it, none of us would have been able to tell what the hell had happened.
Yeah, 28 sounded like you were criticizing BPHD* as a hifalutin, un-American academic by virtue of her metrick knowledge.
* PS there is a currency-exchange shop on 33rd St. called BHD, I can't walk by there anymore without mentally inserting a "P"
30: Don't worry Labs. Everybody gets out-mathed by a girl once or twice in his life.
#32: Would you take a picture and send it to me? Pretty please?
#28-29: If it makes you feel better, Labs, I thought my way through the centimeter -> meter conversion very carefully before posting, precisely to make sure I wasn't confusing millimeters and centimeters. "Cent- means 100," I thought. "Therefore, 45 centimeters is about half a meter. Because a meter is a hundred centimeters. Yes. Yes, that's right. Okay, I can post this without being mocked."
My bad. I was thinking mm.
Telling, no? I guess everything's not proportional.
#35 -- are we talking about an exchange of photos here?
In what unit does FL measure his own thingie? It's 12 somethings long, right? Does he have a private-language idiometric system?
In what unit does FL measure his own thingie?
Cubits? Q-Berts?
It's 12 somethings long, right?
Is this common knowledge somehow? I'd heard various rumors of his magnificence, but I didn't know there were actual numbers floating around.
Urple, are you drunk again? Are you questioning my fact?
it's often taken by wild animals for an elaborate tail.
45 -- full fathom twelve my blogger delves.
12 centimeters wouldn't be much, if you ask me.
some of the wild animals report that the tail lasted longer than they expected or desired, and it put a few of them to sleep.
47- of course not, I was just curious to know how you obtainted the hard data.
seriously, people, that's a cock and we're all just going to have to come to terms with the fact.
I fucking made it up, that's where. That's how I always obtaint my data. I live in the post-Judy-Miller world.
John Emerson is hiding the fact that he guided Labs's cock ob his taint.
obtaint
A new word! That makes perfect sense in context! I love it!
Side note: you seem angry, and I'm not sure why.
Thank you all for your efforts to understanding the post-den Bestian world we now inhabit.
Sorry, Labs. Perhaps we don't understand teh new rules. Would you like to make them more explicit?
Urple,
OF COURSE HE'S ANGRY CUZ HE'S JOHN FUCKING EMERSON.
Wait. Shouting at the potentially hungover as a gag doesn't really work on the Internet, does it?
(If you all need a penis to talk about in the post DenBeste era, I humbly offer my own.)
Is 57 meant to imply that we should no longer discuss your enormous cock? I agree with Tia perhaps we need more explicit rules.
I'll note that it would have been at least a little bit funny if the Becks-style comments Urple left on Saturday night had been left last night, as I incorrectly assumed. Now, not so much.
61: Shh, Tia. It's supposed to be secret.
Isn't it fair to assume that Urple is always drunk?
As am I, incidentally, though I don't get much credit for it.
I know better than to offer suggestions for decorum. I know they'd just be violated forcefully and repeatedly.
And I thought I was getting new rules! My co-bloggers are big teases.
they'd just be violated forcefully and repeatedly
Wait, are we talking about Unfogged or the Mineshaft?
67. Perhaps "no teasing" should be the first new rule to be instituted. Then we could take turns taking this new rule off, like Sade's Justine, for violent and repeated violation.
Has anyone ever compared Sade to Mark Twain, by the way? In both of them the innocent are always punished, and the sinful always get away with it. (Not Twain's major works, but his anti-religious squibs).
Seriously though, if you were a little more clear as to what exactly was troubling you, or what some guidelines might look like, we could at least violate them willfully and knowingly, instead of blindly and inadvertantly. Because honestly I had no idea that anything said upthread was problematic.
No, I'm completely kidding. It was the "measure my [redacted] in hectares" or whatever that made me wonder what administration response would be, but hey, I didn't say it. I regret that I have but one job to lose for my Mineshaft.
#37: Yes, apostropher, send me a digital picture of your tumescent "thingie," which is apparently the word we're all using today.
#38: Sure! I'll send you a picture of a random commercial sign from the crappy town I live in.
Are you sure it will fit in your inbox?
You'll definitely want to scan it for viruses.
"Virus" is a technical term. What you have there is a trojan hiding a worm.
Well, apo? My inbox is just sitting here, all empty and waiting...
Maybe he's having trouble getting it to load.
The inbox should be a little bit more demure. Some thingies are intimidated by aggressive inboxes. When Lady Macbeth demanded that her husband screw his courage to the sticking-place, she was doing exactly the wrong thing. She should have been batting her eyes and blushing.
So your point, John, is that it's me? How ungentlemanly.
I always try to help people, but often there's resistance.
You might try changing the inbox to the "Bat eyes and blush" setting.
I'm thinking that having led me all the way to the altar, apo is now going to abandon me. Publicly, no less. And with an unfilled inbox.
Cruel, cruel disappointment.
At this point Apo has bigger worries. He's wondering whether he'll ever get his courage back again. The Belle Dame Sans Merci with the aggressive inbox has cast her spell.
In short, the insensible fell weeping in his hand. Apo can now be called Lysander.
I deny the accusation of aggression. I think a review of the evidence will show that, like the lady I am, I waited for apo to declare himself before accepting his offer.
Aren't you supposed to say "no" three times?
B, cheer up. Maybe you just have a really good spam filter.
Oh come now. This is the 21st century, and a lady of advanced years can only wait around so long before her inbox dries up.
What worthy knight would be deterred by a spam filter, of whatever quality? I ask you. Surely apo's heroic, um, blade can penetrate even the best-protected of inboxes when duty calls.
Maybe if Apo's thingie had a few less links to porn sites on it, it would be able to get past the spam filter.
(Where is that guy? His reputation will soon be totally destroyed).
Hell hath no fury like a bitch scorned.
But at least we're no longer discussing FL's giant black cock.
I am a merciful bitch, but I move in mysterious ways.
Maybe somebody needs to turn off their pop-up blocker?
Sorry, sorry, I had to put the kid to bed and drifted off in the rocking chair.
Anyhow, my email client keeps choking on it.
Maybe you should move up from the Commodore 84.
Actually, I just had a really scary experience. I had drifted off in the rocking chair, as I said. I came to, and stood up with the baby to put him in the crib. On the second step, I realized my left leg had fallen completely asleep and wasn't quite under my control. After pinwheeling wildly, I managed to catch myself on a bookcase with one arm before crashing to the floor with the baby in the other arm.
Somehow the little guy never woke up despite being swung like he was on a State Fair ride. I also have a godawful crick in my neck now.
99: Yeah, that's going to printed out and saved for a fight by Mrs. Apo.
When my son was three I was carrying him off to bed when I slipped on a tiny, strategically-placed rug in the middle of the waxed floor and fell flat on my butt. he didn't even wake up. (Three strong whiskey-and-cokes contributed to this story).
A couple weeks ago, I slipped on our stairs as I was carrying him down. Bruised the hell out of my tailbone (still hurts when I sneeze), but managed to keep him held aloft and uninjured as I bounced and careened to the bottom. Stone cold sober both times. I'm beginning to suspect voodoo.
Three strong whiskey-and-cokes contributed to this story
Your slipping or his not waking?
I am glad you're not dead, nor the baby.
Also: likely story.
Hm, I slipped on the stairs later that night after more drinks. And hurt my tailbone. The problem was that I was mixing the drinks way too strong because I'm not a whiskey-drinker.
Notice how artfully Apo changed the subject? He knows that cute little kids distract people.
Also: likely story.
You wouldn't believe the size of the fish that got away.
(If you all need a penis to talk about in the post DenBeste era, I humbly offer my own.)
I've seen your movies!
99, 102, 103:
I'm usually not big on explaining complex behaviors as instinct, but when you're holding a baby, all your normal self-preservation reflexes are subordinated to protecting the baby. We've got a step down into our living room, and when Newt was an infant I tripped up it while I was walking him in the middle of the night. The normal thing to do would have been to put a hand down and catch myself -- instead, I kept holding him with both hands and fell straight onto both kneecaps. Newt was undisturbed, but I was pretty sure I was never going to walk without cursing again.
Buck has a story about carrying a baby cousin down a flight of stairs, tripping at the top, and somersaulting down the stairs. He tucked into a ball around her, and when he hit the ground at the bottom of the stairs she was completely undisturbed.
Randy Moss was outside a burning building where a woman holding a boby was hanging out of the window. "Throw me the baby" he shouts. "I don't dare" she says. "Trust me! Best hands in the NFL!" She finally gives in and throws the baby. It takes a funny path down and Moss has to leap over a car. leap over a fense, and sprint to make a diving catch. The baby is safe!
Moss hops to his feet turns to the cheering crowd, raises the baby above his head, and spikes it.
a woman holding a boby was hanging out of the window
You misspelled "booby."
I slipped going down the stairs on Christmas Eve, carrying my one-month-old daughter. I totally dropped her--she spun out of my arms, flew down 3 steps, and bounced into the wall at the landing. This did not make for a happy Christmas Eve.
Of course she was fine, but I'll note for the record that instinct is not a powerful enough force to overcome massive klutziness.
Luckily, babies are mostly cartilage and pretty difficult to break.
L'esprit de l'escalier, re 29: Who wasn't thinking "mm!"?
114: Good thing you have pictures to show proving that she's still adorable.
Every kid in my family fell down the back stairway at least once, and we're all fine. But when I suggested to my niece that it would be OK if her son tumbled down, just for the sake of tradition, she got all huffy.