Mr Severed himself
I'm familiar with the peeing-on-the-electric-fence story, but the severing is a bit of apo-lore that I'm not familiar with. In fact, you could say this reference leaves me stumped.
It refers to his penchant for stories involving severed genitals. Also, he starred in this film.
I am the Intarweb's premier genital amputation blogger.
You know, instapundit really lent a helping hand to those who were just starting out. But you-- you just hoard all the glory for yourself.
Indeed.
Y'know, it's much easier to smack someone in the face with your dick once it has been severed.
5 -- that's probably true if the dick is small.
As Jeff Goldstein learned to his sorrow, Apo.
Various genital mutilation bloggers e-mail to say that Apostropher is not the authentic face of genital mutilation.
I wish I agreed with that. But, sadly, he is its very image today.
So maybe we shouldn't rub in just how wrong, and morally corrupt the anti-genital-amputation case was. Maybe we should rise above the temptation to point out that claims of an "unkindest cut" were wrong -- again! -- how efforts at mutilation equivalence were obscenely wrong -- again! -- how the anti-amputation folks are still, far too often, trying to move the goalposts rather than admit their error -- again -- and how an awful lot of the very same people who spoke lugubriously about "reattachment surgeries" now seem almost disappointed that there weren't more -- again -- and how many people who spoke darkly about the Nullo Street and genitals rising up against penile "liberators" were proven wrong -- again -- as the liberators were seen as just that by the penises they were liberating. And I suppose we shouldn't stress so much that the anti-amputation folks were really just defending the interests of French condom companies and Russian penis enlargement pill investors. It's probably a bad idea to keep rubbing that point in over and over again.
Nah.
Whoa, Apo trackback. You guys got an Ampulanche.
I suspect you're not going to stop rubbing that point any time soon.
I suspect you're not going to stop rubbing that point any time soon.
They'll stop when it stops feeling good, of course.
12 -- yeah, chafing is no fun at all.
(Probably it is more fun than amputation though.)
Chafing is the real man's method of amputation.
Various genital mutilation bloggers e-mail to say that Apostropher is not the authentic face of genital mutilation. I wish I agreed with that. But, sadly, he is its very image today.
Y'know, I copies a similar string to my clipboard to make a snarky comment the other day, and didn't pay enough attention when I was editing a piece of direct mail, and accidentally pasted into the middle of a paragraph. It almost went out to 3000 surgeons.
That would have been embarassing.
18: First you have to juice some beets...
Okay, got that? Now, do you have a French horn handy?
A friend of mine was married to a woman from an exotic ethnic group different than Lorena's. According to him, in her culture Bobbitting was a recognized practice, with its own set of rules. What the Lorena was supposed to do with the penis was put it in a jar full of water, seal the jar, and throw the jar into a river. I believe that there is a mytho-cosmological explanation of this which is susceptible to a structuralist analysis.
In other words, you don't just throw it at a cop like this moron did, or throw it out into traffic like that bitch Lorena did.
Apo, you got me all excited, and then you abandoned me.
I have no beets and I must 12 Tia.
A friend of mine was married to a woman from an exotic ethnic group different than Lorena's. According to him, in her culture Bobbitting was a recognized practice, with its own set of rules.
Did your friend know about this "recognized practice" prior to marrying her?
No no, it's called "12" because that's what it looks like when one of you puts on a baseball cap and flippers and the other lies down and does a bicycle kick. There's other stuff going on too but this is a family blog.
The Manson Family, maybe.
No, that's the one with body stocking, the hedge trimmers, and the ukelele. But I suppose I'll settle if you haven't got beets.
26: I just... wow. Beautiful. Bravo.
I suppose I'll settle if you haven't got beets
SCORE! Assume the position.
I wasn't planning on logically deducing the position, IYKWIM.
MAE: no, he found out after Lorena appeared in the news and his wife stood up and cheered. They eventually divorced for different but not entirely unrelated reasons.
33: As a public service to all the unattached, or rather, unmarried men out there, would you care to identify the particular ethnic group in question?
Re: 26, back in perhaps 4th grade math class, a friend passed me a note w/r/t a question the teacher asked that read, "69." My other friend looked over and he and the note's author started laughing, so I laughed too. Then the other friend turned this to "696," which all agreed was hilarious. Not to be outdone but also not getting the joke at all, I wrote "36963," thinking that we were all amused by an evolving set of tranformation rules, but I was wrong. Very wrong.
No, that would be stereotyping. You're on your own, MAE.
I guess I could say that you shouldn't take it literally if someone tells you that wives from group X are "submissive".
I read the story, finally.
The urologist who reattached the penis has my name. My whole name. When I read the following, it is as if I am talking about how easy it is to reattach a thrown penis:
Dr. Greg Bales, associate professor of urology at the University of Chicago, said severed penises are uncommon but surgery usually works.
"As long as the penis is placed on ice and reattached within a few hours, the success is usually pretty good," Bales said.
But I did not say that. In fact, until I read what I said, I had no idea reattaching a penis was so easy.
It seems to me the success of penis-attachment surgery should be judged by straight women or gay men, not by millionaire patriarchal-oppressor penis-attachment surgeons, who are almost sure to be selfish lovers, if they indeed be lovers at all.
Also, afterwards should you masturbate a little more cautiously, for fear of re-separating it? I bet Dr. Greg Bales, with his trophy wife, didn't even think about that at all.
In a more-cautious masturbation scenario, would I/he recommend a water-based lubricant? I/He likely also didn't think about how to scratch when the stitches itch.
38: of course, the answer is to have it gently attended to by a trophy wife, for several months at least. wasn't that obvious?
would I/he recommend a water-based lubricant
Probably a better choice than these.
Worst of all, of course, is Crisco.
Nobody wants shortening down there.
A few of us do, of course, but not many.
Speaking as your urologist, JE, I'd recommend against it.
Greg, your trophy wife likes it fine.
Greg, your trophy wife likes it fine.
John, she says that to everybody.
It's very unlikely that there are any penis-reattachment surgeons with my name. Though not impossible.
There is, however, a urologist named Dick Chopp, so anything's possible.
And Dr. Chopp should totally open a practice with the GI specialist Warren G. Butt.
From the link in 50:
He also enjoys treating patients with metabolic evolution of kidney stone disease, male endocrine urology disorders, prostate disease and Peyronie's disease.
Good times.
My husband knows a gynecologist (retired now) named Seymour Weiner. It'd be better if he were a urologist, of course.
53 -- Or if he were named Seymore Cuntt.
36 -- Ooh, I know! Is group X Hindu wives?
He could also be named Seymore Butts.
Wow man. I totally didn't know IMDB indexed porn. This is awesome.
There was a doctor named Seymour Kuntz, but they don't mention his speciality.
Back to the issue of package severance, this NYO article, complaining that trannies just ain't what the used to be, begins thusly: "Though I have never felt the need to chop off my own willie, I take no issue with those who have."
If you really want to be first to report a story like this, you could chop off your own penis and throw it at someone, just before your craftily pre-written blog is scheduled to auto-post.
I meant "craftily pre-written blog entry", not blog.