LOL. I once had a student tell me--at the end of class, no less--that I had my cardigan on inside out. Needless to say, I was just thrilled.
I could list stories like that for hours. Nothing to do with being drunk, or hungover -- just walking out of the house with my clothes on backwards.
I don't claim to be well put together.
3 -- Hours? wow, you manage to make me feel deft. I have can only remember twice that I have walked around for half a day before noticing that my shirt was on backwards (neither time involved alcohol, both were just moments of cluelessness)
I make most people feel deft. It's one of my few endearing personal qualities.
I make most people feel deft. It's one of my few endearing personal qualities.
This is why we at her old firm miss her so.
I once gave a presentation with underpants caught on the bottom of my jeans, splayed out on my shoe.
It gets worse - I thought everyone was laughing *with* me, so I was hamming it up. (How the hell do you get panties on your shoe? I'd taken the jeans off the night before, in one motion, and gotten dressed in a hurry.)
Done that. Not a presentation, but pulling panties out of a pant leg halfway through the next day.
Once, after having accidentally touched a filthy subway grate, I was teaching an un-airconditioned summer class and touched my sweaty brow with my hand in a fake swoony gesture that was meant to be funny. Everyone kept laughing, and I was like, "Guys, it totally was not that funny." Then I thought they were laughing at me for having such dramatic antics and I chastised them. "Let me be me!" I urged. Then one of the girls in the front row handed me a compact.
re: 7
Indeed, we had a paralegal assigned full time just to make sure LizardBreath was properly dressed for court and client meetings and to collect clothing she inadvertantly dropped while walking around the office.
That you managed to get up when it was still morning is very impressive. I, on the other hand, woke up an hour ago with a massive headache. I must find coffee...
I'm reasonably sure I went through a job interview with a large rip in the back of the bodice of my dress. (It might have happened afterwards, but in retrospect I remembered the ripping sound.)
I felt terrible leaving the firm -- I think they fired the guy.
10 - I can out-party the youngins. Wooo!
11: Now I'm just playing "I can top that" but I fell down a flight of stairs twenty minutes before an interview, skinned my knees and split my skirt halfway up the back. Luckily the skirt was past knee-length and still okay in the front, and the interview was in a small enough room that it didn't look weird to back out rather than turning around. (
I think they fired the guy
He was heartbroken when you left. But then again, it might have been because he was selling certain clothing items on the Internet.
14: I think I win, LB, since I'm pretty sure my interviewers saw the big rip in the back of my dress. I also once had a job interview in which the elastic on my tights crapped out, and I had to sit very, very still to keep them above my knees, and got to the bathroom for hitching up at every opportunity.
You have to like a job with fringe benefits. Of course, the problem with fringe is that it's itchy.
16: I swear I'm not making stuff up just to be undefter-than-thou, but that was the day I was sworn in to the bar. I was pregnant enough that I could fit into my clothes, but really didn't want to be wearing pantyhose. So I figured that thigh-highs -- the kind with the integral silicone garters at the top to keep them up -- would be more comfortable. They stopped gripping as I was walking to the courthouse, and I spent an hour clutching both legs to avoid losing my stockings as I was sworn in.
I was mortified back in high school, when my pants drooped and my crack showed. Doesn't that seem quaint now?
During one of my sister's wedding (at which I was the only bridesmaid), my elasticized stockings pooped out during the promenade from the ceremony to the reception, and the back seam of my dress pooped out when I was working the pinata rope with too much enthusiasm. At the end of the reception, I was barefoot, bare-legged, and wearing a t-shirt over a taffeta dress--and I can't even claim I was drunk since the wedding was dry.
No one has mentioned pee stains.
I was giving a German friend a tour of a church on a campus where I was teaching when he tried to fart and shit his pants. The frankness with which he announced this, and the cavalier way in which he threw his full undies in the church garbage made me wonder, as I often have with this friend, "Is this a guy thing or a German thing?"
The frankness with which he announced this
Dear all, I am about to fart and shit my pants. Cheers.
Oh, the pants-shitting was an unintended consequence.
24: Right. He wasn't just looking at a crucifix and thinking, "Boy, I'd love a pantload about now."
25: I had read "tried to fart and shit his pants" as "tried to {fart and shit his pants}" instead of "{tried to fart} {and shit his pants}". I was thinking maybe he was trying to show his disdain for organized religion, or some such.
A friend of mine in high school took a pair of jeans out of the dryer, put them on, and went to the roller-rink. As she was skating, her wheels stopped and she fell to the ground -- she had a bra tangled up in her wheels. (It had been stuck to the inside of the pant leg.)
I said, "Wow, that's embarrassing."
She said, "No kidding. It was my mom's, and I didn't want anyone to think that my breasts are that small."
How many times do I have to tell you? You don't put a bra in a dryer! It warps!
I was thinking maybe he was trying to show his disdain for organized religion, or some such.
Start reading from the last paragraph on page 35 and on to page 36.
Two posts about your Saturday night! Must have been some sweet party.
29: That is pretty good, though it fuels the 18th-c stereotype of Scotsman as embarrassing because they express typically British opinions but in disgusting, animalistic ways.
Since I turned 30, if I wake up in the morning after a night of drinking and I don't have a hangover that's usually a sign that I just don't have it yet.
re: 29
Scots seem to have a thing about transgressive stuff in churches. One of our national heroes, Robert the Bruce, notoriously dragged one of his rivals into a church in order to murder him at the altar.
34: Tell me about it. I had a long teenage/early 20's history of stupid drinking with very few hangovers; since my mid-20's, I can find myself unpleasantly hungover after a night when I wasn't even drunk.
I had a godawful hangover this morning.
re: 35
Yeah. I rarely get genuinely drunk these days. Partly because my capacity for drink is quite high -- legacy of a mispent youth, etc. -- and partly because I just don't really enjoy being hammering drunk anyway. A few hours in a pub with friends chatting over a few beers is more my style these days.
Nevertheless, I still get hangovers.
At just 26, I have developed symptoms of my father's liver disease, which makes drinking anything more than two pints of beer into a Russian Roulette that, one out of every six times or so, results in spending the entire next day nursing a migraine and vomiting uncontrollably. I'll probably eventually give up drinking altogether if it gets worse, but for now, I just keep it to the two or three pints.
The pants-shitting discussion is hilarious, but entirely regrettable, except that it reveals that SB is a German man.
We had a party last night with the theme of cheap champagne. Went to bed a little after 5:00, woke around noon-thirty with nary a hint of a hangover.
I misread 22 in the same way as 25. If 22 had used the distinct past tense of "to shit" there would have been no ambiguity: "I was giving a German friend a tour of a church on a campus where I was teaching when he tried to fart and shat his pants."
Ah, in my regional English dialect, "shit" is past tense of "shit." Sorry for the confusion.
You could have cleared the whole thing up by saying "crapped."
Went to bed a little after 5:00, woke around noon-thirty with nary a hint of a hangover.
After a night of cheap champagne? That's amazing. I shrug off most alcohol the day after, unless I've really overdone it in a bad way, but sparkling wines (of any price or source) are always the ruin of me. Not that it makes me stop, but nevertheless.
If I remember correctly, the RISD Museum once had a wonderful little display of early modern prints, one of which featured a man in distress, saying "I beshat myself." Comedy gold.
After a night of cheap champagne? That's amazing.
No one was more shocked by that turn of events than I.
it reveals that SB is a German man.
For those of you keeping score: A gay German Jew from St. Louis.
I have something of a social hangover from champagne. I failed to slice open a bottle with a knife (exploiting the properties of the bottle and the pressure in champagne) while the party was watching and was completely pwned when my friend did it on the first try. Luckily, everyone seems to have forgotten about it by now.
Smasher acts like he's all embarrassed but every time he brings it up, girls start giving him hugs and talking about how virile he is.