He might want to get that mole checked out. It looks cancerous.
'Got into a knife fight with clown assassins' would certainly make people even more scared of clowns than normal.
Good god, what'd they do the surgery with, an axe?
Holy crap! Did they leave him any organs?
Those staples look like they were done by something from Home Depot; guess I've never seen them before. I'm from the stitches era.
Shark bite. Definately go with shark bite.
Now I feel bad for emailing him this afternoon to nag for an update on how he was doing. Clearly, he should be lying down and avoiding any fast movements that might make other important body parts fall out of the big hole.
Killed a man in Reno, Becks. No way a Mexican's going to take a Texan.
Holy shit! Did they take out the kidney with a lawn mower?
Is anyone else entertained by ogged needing to assure us that he's not fat, it's the surgery making him look fat?
Son of a bitch! That's fuckin' awesome. If I ever meet you, Frank'n'stein, I want to buy you a drink.
Rock on!
There've been too many amendments already, but it's "shot a man in Reno, just to watch him die."
That is one intense wound. Wow. How big was that kidney?
My wife happened to look over my shoulder as I was looking at the picture and after the initial "what the hell is that?" she looked a bit more closely and said, "Huh, you can see a fair amount of his happy trail."
No way a Mexican's going to take a Texan.
Remember the Alamo?
I think the answer should be, "jerked my friends around for a month or so by pretending to have stomach cancer."
16 - Dammit! That'll teach me to go out of my usual oeuvre for song-lyric-post-titles.
Je me souvien!
But I can't remember what. The Alamo? The Maine? The Plains of Abraham?
It's my turn to interpret LB: she knows what the Alamo is, it's "happy trail" that she'd like elaboration about.
Huh. That's not what I pictured Ogged looking like.
23: One of those things you keep hamsters in, isn't it?
I'm a bit perplexed at what you could have thought ogged looked like if you find that picture inconsistent with your assumptions.
23 -- isn't that the bit of pubic hair that comes up the lower abdomen to the belly button or so on a lot of men? I haven't got one but I've seen them on guys like -gg-d.
Owwwwwww. I didn't realize kidneys were that big.
Huh. That's not what I pictured Ogged looking like.
It's the complete absence of a face, isn't it? We try not to mention it, but that's why he's reduced to trolling the internet for pity fucks.
Guys like Ogged... you mean Mexicans?
And yes: happy trail.
isn't that the bit of pubic hair that comes up the lower abdomen to the belly button or so on a lot of men?
Considering that we're looking at his back, ogged doesn't so much have a happy trail as a happy 8-lane interstate.
I'm a North Briton and I have one, not perhaps quite so well marked.
His back? I thought that was his side.
29: I know, where's Dr. Oops when I want her? I'd love an informed critique of the incision.
(Although doctors probably aren't allowed to do that sort of thing in public.)
Yeah, I was interpreting the picture as being of his right side.
34: Well I feel a lot better. That just radically changed my sense of the scale of the image.
Dang ogged. Why did you have to show me your pubes?
Yeah where did you get the idea it was his back Chopper? It looks nothing like a back.
By "Guys like -gg-d" I meant "guys whom I have seen nekkid". (Even if just in a tastefully cropped jpeg.)
In my defense, I thought he was all bloaty, and we couldn't see his shoulderblades, etc. Couldn't for the life of me figure out why the incision would cross his spine.
It is most fitting that we look at a picture of Ogged's nasty surgery scar and talk about his pubes instead.
Definition #8 from mrh's link is hilarious:
happy trail
a thick line of hair on men going from belly button straight to pubes. it's kindof gross but appealing.
knew he was a firecrotch from his red happy trail.
What's interesting to me is how the picture is so ambiguous about what part of teh body it is. I'm sure that it's his right side and the incision starts just under the rib cage and goes around to the top of the ass. But the swelling does make it hard to tell.
Anyway, of course Ogged is hairy. He's Iranian.
Let's be honest: women also often have happy trails, though they're probably more likely to remove them.
Happy trails are teh hott. I am very against this new movement whereby men are supposed to start removing massive quantities of their body hair. Chest hair is important, goddamnit.
Ogged is actually not as hairy as I had expected.
They probably shaved much of him pre-surgery.
45 is right. Trimming, yes. Shaving, no.
47: Yeah, probably. It's hard to tell from the picture. Also, it's focused on one of the least hairy parts of the body.
"I had no idea it was going to be THAT big!"
Becks has no idea how long Ogged has waited to hear that from her.
And he has no idea how long she's waited to see sexy photos of him like that.
My own kidney surgery scar is relatively tiny, but they warned me that if I'd had to have had the stone removed with full-bore treatment, that it would have been that large and serious.
Instead I got the percutaneous lithotripsy, after the extracorporeal totally didn't work. I don't recall that they were using lasers back in '91, though; mine was still manual and ultrasound, and was only a four-day hospital stay. Not a lot of laughs, though. I hope Ogged doesn't find out what "renal colic" feels like, and has better nursing care than I did.
Oh, that's interesting; when Something happened post-surgery, I understood that to be the renal colic, but turns out all these years I was wrong, and it's what brought me in for surgery in the first place. Well, I'll spare relating what the other thing was; it was nasty and unpleasant, and you have no Need To Know. It's just something that can happen to people after kidney surgery, and their nursing care is careless. With any luck, Ogged need never know.
I'll spare telling other kidney/hospital anecdotes; I look forward to someday comparing scars with him! Heal, heal, heal! Pay no attention to those tubes!
Oh, and when it comes time to... oh, never mind. Don't be shy about using the percocet! (I was disappointed in how ineffective I found morphine to be; all talk, big rep, not so much with the actual pain-killing. Demerol: vastly more effective for my biochemistry.)
(General note: I also recommend to everyone that they avoid renal stents; they're not nearly as much fun as their reputation has it.)
Sympathetic and anatomically savvy; I'm going to staple all your faces. Yes, they shaved me, and you see why I explained the bloating; it makes things look really strange. Even I was turned around when I saw the picture. It's of my left side.
The incision is huge because the tumor was in a tricky spot and they needed room to manuever. They even took out a fucking rib. But the surgeon was fantastic, and managed to save 2/3 of the kidney. Now don't make me get up again.
Trimming an Iranian leaves you with topiary; you have to shave.
See,50 is one reason I've avoided commenting on this stuff. (The larger one is that cancer still has me mostly freaked out and unable to discuss anything related to it, even a year and a half later.)
"Chest hair is important, goddamnit."
I live to please.
I did not expect to be chortling by comment #11 on an Ogged-cancer post. I guess I should know better by now. Yay Ogged's surgeons! Yay vast network of well-meaning interfering loving relatives and advice-givers!
(More incision-blogging as it heals! Next up: Ogged gets a Wound-Vac?)
N.b. I'm not a doctor and have no idea if that is what normally happens after a drain is removed.
Granting shaving might be disapproved of, just how important is the hairiness? Would an unusually hairless man be lacking something essential? I would think this was a matter of taste, and that many women would not be fixed on a particular feature but the harmony of the whole.
55 -- hey wait, didt'n we have a whole long thread on that very subject not too long ago?
Doesn't quantity of chest hair vary somewhat with ethnicity? Racists.
Would an unusually hairless man be lacking something essential?
Hmm. Dunno, never really encountered it. Probably wouldn't be too problematic for me. All I know is that a lot of men (my age at least) seem to be self-conscious about even moderate levels of body hair, which I think they should stop doing immediately, 'cause it's nice.
51: So you're saying the fur on the lower right of the image is ass hair?
Dude.
Chopper, it's his left side. That means all the hair appearing on the right of the image is on the front of his person.
Wait, that doesn't make sense.
I've got it. It's a picture, so it's flipped around?
If he's facing to the right, then we're seeing his right side. If he's facing to the left, we're seeing his left side.
Or are Iranians backwards?
I'm disappointed we didn't get a nipple shot. Come for the scar, stay for the tits.
No, according to what ogged said, Chopper is right.
63: It would have clarified which side we're looking at.
Based on new information, I retract 46.
ogged, don't get up now, but we need to know the next time you have the energy: the forest at lower right--gateway to the googley hoohole, or your vagina?
"I would think this was a matter of taste, and that many women would not be fixed on a particular feature but the harmony of the whole."
This is my experience. (To be sure, as I've noted before, everything as regards attraction is a matter of taste, after all, and there are endless variants out there.)
One sweetie kept exclaiming all the time, the whole year-plus we were sleeping together, "you're so hairy!," whenever we were nekkid.
Of course, she was the mostly-lesbian, so the comparison was more dramatic than for others.
The hairy thing, I should note, goes better with the "not sweating hardly" thing that some of us are lucky enough to have, but others of us (waves) are not.
"Or are Iranians backwards?"
No, I hear they're up to nuclear power now.
And they've almost researched the Cure For Cancer Wonder of the World.
Okay, with a lot of squinting, I can imagine the left side of this picture being a shaved belly. So the scar starts right at the bottom of the belly where the pubes would normally be, and then goes up over the hip, and the patch of hair on the right is lower back hair, then a little valley, then the top of Ogged's ass hair?
Like Chopper said, O., we don't want you to get back up right now. But when you're able to, we demand an explanation.
Continued: with an ass that flat and hairy, Ogged, it's a damn good thing you're not gay.
C'mon, B, you recognize that hair. It's the fluffy bunny tail.
I bet he could find someone who likes handholds for arms-close-together sets.
arms-close-together sets
Do I want to know?
74: Obviously. But the spread and thickness of it is nonetheless remarkable.
Hey, Ogged, if they took out the rib, did you get to keep it? Because that would be kinda cool. Plus, think of all the Eden jokes you can make now.
And since I've made such a big deal over O's hairy ass, I have to point out that swelling or no, the man appears to have remarkably taut abs.
I don't know what it is about that picture but I. Can't. Look. Away.
I think this calls for a joke about fava beans and a nice chianti. Imagine that I just made it. Hooray for improvment of condition.
It's the frisson. Ogged! Naked! The scar is just extra bonus vouyerism.
76: I was reaching for an anal-sex as weight-lifting joke. (See, on the row motion, you can have your hands close together to work one st of musckles (the butt hair handles) versus the back hair for the wide grip.)
It didn't actually work.
78: "I don't know what it is about that picture but I. Can't. Look. Away."
Like I said in 50.
80: "The scar is just extra bonus vouyerism."
Technically not actually a scar yet. Only an anti-choice person would assert it's already a scar!
It does look like it's healing pretty well. But ack. The staples freak me out. They couldn't have used tape?
I changed my mind. Fuck the nipple, let's see his hands and feet.
Wait -- Isn't it clear that he took the picture in the mirror, and that everyone was originally right, except Chopper, in that it's really his left side, but he appears to be facing right?
I want off of this ass-hair/no-ass-hair rollercoaster.
87: I think it's a given that he has ass hair, the debate is over whether you can see it in the picture. (Right?)
86: If it was a mirror shot, you'd probably be able to see the camera, no?
AWB is right.
Dude, I'm almost glad that I've seen your pubes, ogged. Cuz, that would some crazy ass hair.
Like an ass crack mohawk.
90: Not if he pointed the camera at an angle.
I dunno. Just seems like the scar should be more on his back, since that's where kidneys are, that's where his ass seems to be, and most people have more hair above their genitals than above their eerily flat asses.
Wait. If AWB is right, why does the incision extend onto the buttock? There are no organs there.
You know what I love? That when you load that page, the icon in your browser's address bar changes to a tiny little thumbnail of the picture.
Kinsley sees your kidney and raises with brain surgery.
No, no, don't get up.
I further comment. I used to do that. I remember. Probably because I haven't had brain surgery.
That looks, to me, like a picture taken pretty much straight on. How would you do that w/out showing the camera?
94 forced me to load the pic in Firefox, b/c in Safari it just retains the blog addy icon.
92: "just seems like the scar should be more on his back...."
Even though several minutes have passed since 83, it's still not a scar yet.
"If AWB is right, why does the incision...."
93 gets it exactly right!
"If AWB is right, why does the incision extend onto the buttock? There are no organs there."
We can't talk about that. Just consider that when Ogged in future talks about something being a pain in the ass, he might mean something more than you thought.
All I can say is, after reading stories of bloggers with cancer and seeing post-op scar pics, cancer seems like a lot bigger deal than anyone wants to talk about. I say that as someone whose family has been half wiped out by brain tumors and prostate cancer. No one in my family ever talked about it; they just survived or didn't. I'm glad people like ogged and Twisty are making it clearer what one actually goes through, because otherwise it would be this huge mystery. I'm highly likely to get teh cancer, and I want to know what I'm in for.
98: Still doesn't work for me. You'd think you'd see a lowered arm in the corner of one of the pics, and a cropped camera wouldn't, I shouldn't think, be held that far to the side. But maybe if the mirror were tilted, I suppose.
Anyway, I'm sticking with the ass-hair scenario until Ogged gets off his hairy ass and enlightens us.
100! Ogged, how does it feel to have a band of people spend 100 comments on how freaky your backwards-butt body is?
102: Probably about the same as he did 50 comments ago.
103: The question is, does it provide a distraction from the pain and agony, or add to it?
What part of "I'm going to staple all your faces" don't you understand, b?
The staples freak me out.
Surgical staples really aren't that bad. Having them taken out feels a little odd, though...
"The question is, does it provide a distraction from the pain and agony, or add to it?"
Hmm, ten days. Probably neither, I'm guessing. But just guessing.
FWIW, on the Great Debate, when I had kidney surgery, which as I've said, was considerably far more minor, they poked the hole in my left side, to get at my left kidney; though Ogged's was far more major surgey, of a different type, and thus I'm again only guessing, I'd still guess that they went in on the side of the appropriate (one would hope) kidney).
I'd go even wilder in guessing and think it's more likely that someone else took the picture, since it's tough to do one clearly when one is all wobbly, but, again, only with the guessing.
It's a picture of his front left side. Above his belly button I do believe. Yes, the kidneys are in the back, but they were contemplating taking the whole goddamn thing out. They also needed to poke around the stomach, namely the area nearest the kidney. That's Cancer Junction there.
If you cut an incision half the size of the one there in his back, you risk slicing up a lot of nerves. Safer to go in through the front and just temporarily relocate some organs. Not to mention it's a lot safer to slice somebody up when they're on their back.
Rib had to come out so they could get at the top of the kidney and maybe so they could push the lung out of the way. I'd expect they'd have had to take out a back rib. So they when they went spelunking they went in through the front door.
If I'm reading that correctly. No mirroring involved.
That answers the trivial question as well: ogged is a hairy bastard.
max
['Hrmm.']
105: Well, yeah, but we've embarrassed him with sincerity and concern enough already.
109: Sincerity and concern are banned!
83, 84: I was slightly hoping you might object to something, so I could explain I was only ribbing you.
Hmm, I was with AWB's interpretation (I've seen some hairy arses in my time, but that would be freaky) but max has confused me. But there's no lowered arm because he's holding his T shirt up. I would really appreciate a few more photos though, from different angles. Perhaps not including the kind of unsightly scar-to-be?
Fucking impressive wound though - the staples! Amazing that you still have 2/3 of that kidney left - hope all continues to go well in your recovery.
Whoa, ogged. Damn.
I actually thought that it was his left side at first, not in the mirror, but on further review I think it must be in the mirror. If you look very close you can see a little bit o' crack in the lower right corner.
This post was dictated to the cat, as I am now blind.
Ow. All I can say is owww.
Lyndon Johnson thought he was hard core, but he had nothing on ogged.
The mirror hypothesis is the only one that makes sense.
"lower right corner" s/b "lower left corner." I've never been very good with that left/right business.
Weiner, I looked at that already, and I don't think that is crack. It looks more like a shadow.
But hey, if it is crack, damn, that's one flat ass.
I endorse the mirror + cropping hypothesis.
I don't think the shape of the room supports the mirror thesis. The room would seem to be triangularly shaped to support that mirror, to which Ogged is perpendicular.
Also, Ogged prissily said that he was bloated. If the right side of the image is his stomach, why would he say that?
Look at the left side of the image. The flesh curves out, but then curves in toward his body again, like a little pot belly—not an ass. Notice also that the light and shadow emphasize a swell not only as we're looking at the body from top to bottom, but from left and right as well, as if it were outlined like abs. The only way that's a butt is if Ogged has just one butt cheek.
Finally, stand up and put your hands on your belly and on your ass. They're not on the same horizontal plane! The right side of the image does not reveal Ogged's flat ass—it has not yet begun to reveal Ogged's flat ass.
Wow. There's a reason we keep art critics around here.
I've got it. The reason the hair seems so bizarrely-placed and pronounced is because of the shaving. That's just where they stopped doing it. Otherwise, it would just be a mass of hair, everywhere.
No way, Smasher. Of course Ogged didn't post a picture that actually shows his ass, but the bottom left corner is clearly the beginning of the ass. (The mirror hypothesis requires that Ogged have a rather flat ass.)
Further up on the left side, don't you see what is clearly a vertebral indentation?
On the lower right-hand corner, don't you see the top of a leg, modestly covering his hairy hoohoo?
As for your question about why Ogged would insist he were bloated if the right side were his stomach, I wave it away.
Maybe the bloating is localized around the stapled wound, and the curvature of what is usually a flattish ass has been obscured.
Folks, that is obviously in a mirror. Otherwise the incision wouldn't be providing access to a kidney.
a decent story for when people at the pool ask how he got it
Alien abduction, of course. Anal probe gone horribly awry.
Perhaps "surgery bloats the abdomen" was a euphemism and "I look about twice as thick as I normally am" was referring to features not visible in the photo.
Vertebral indentation? It is only the shadow of the muscles Ogged uses to lift his shirt/fuck the shit out of bears. If in the lower right-hand corner we're seeing a swell of the leg, then where are his hips, which should be jutting forward into the well-lit portion of the photograph? They are instead shadowed and bruised. These hips don't like.
Vertebral indentation?
Maybe he needs a scoliosis exam.
I came back to say hoorah for the doctors saving most of ogged's kidney only to discover that the Great Debate still rages.
He needs to recover quickly so it can be put to rest.
This post was dictated to the cat, as I am now blind.
I've heard tortoiseshells are unusually clever. Can she drive too?
I'm with 123 -- if he's facing to the right, then the incision is right over where a kidney should be. I agree that that would indicate an improbably flat ass, but (1) presumably swelling is distorting all the relevant proportions, and (2) Ogged has claimed (although I can't find it) to have the non-existent ass of a monkey.
You all need to bow down to Smasher's expertise. He's right in every particular. There was no mirror; I did not take the picture, the right side is my back, but way above my ass.
You don't know what you're talking about, Ogged.
Seriously, though, how much of you did they have to go through to get to your kidney? My understanding of anatomy puts them way below and behind that cut. Or do Mexicans keep them in a different place?
A heroicially well-informed question, apo. They did tell me that my kidney was unusually far up.
I guess we bow to your superior knowledge of your (attractively hairy) body then. Could you put an X on the photo to show where the kidney is?
131 - Huh. I thought that was much further down. If it's that far up, is that your nipple they cut through? or just a shadow?
By the way, happy to hear that you still possess 1-2/3 kidneys, rather than being down to a single one. That's super news.
Maybe ogged has a disproportionately long torso.
In fact, I think he asserted as much in some thread or other (involving equations about body part proportionality) but I'm too lazy to find it.
131 -- But then all the speculation about pubic hair has been -- in vain!
Becks, how could they possibly have cut through the nipple? The right side of the picture is his back, remember?
Wow, you're nearly as hairy as me, then!!!. Great to hear about the remaining semikidney, BTW.
What threw me was the framed portrait of Bill Laimbeer at top left.
140 - I must be completely confused as to what that means. I took "the right side of the picture is my back" to mean the back was the part with the hair, so we were looking at his front. I'm all turned about.
Huh. So it's a bunny tail, not a happy trail. Ok, Smasher, you win.
That is a hell of a long torso. So the top of the pic basically starts a little below his (doubtless hairy) armpit, and the poof of hair on the left near the picture frame is right about the sternum, I'm guessing.
Anyway, okay, so it's not his hairy ass. It's his incredibly hairy lower back.
We obviously need a full-body picture to clear up all this confusion. With a black rectangle over the eyes to preserve ogged's anonymity.
Maybe instead of the French Laundry, Ogged's gift certificate should have been here.
148 -- absolutely -- I am dying to verify that he really looks "twice as thick".
So is that a nipple, to the left of the black drain spot above the scar? Can't help thinking that they must have been in up to their elbows.
It's cool. Parts of Ogged's body confused us all.
This all reminds me of Exodus 33:18-23 (http://aol.bartleby.com/108/02/33.html).
I imagine Moses also spent a lot of time trying to figure out what he saw.
And I will take away mine kidney, or pieces thereof, and thou shalt see my hairy back parts; but my twice as thick bits shall not be seen.
131: "You all need to bow down to Smasher's expertise. He's right in every particular. There was no mirror; I did not take the picture,"
I am also right, as in 107!
The cause of confusion here, as I'm surprised no one has pointed out, is that ogged's torso is as round, smooth, and cylindrical as, say, a sausage or phallus. It's impossible to make out his hips or pectorals. (I think I see them there in the upper-left corner, but that bulge could equally well be his lats.) Further confusing the matter is the back hair that, probably because of the shaving, bears an incredible resemblance to hair commonly found on the lower abdomen.
When I first saw the picture I though I was viewing his stomach. (I didn't stop to think about where kidneys are located.) I thought the highest scab underneath the incision was actually a belly button, and that ogged happened to have incredibly wimpy pectorals. And I could have sworn I saw a nipple. Probably the huge incision was distracting me.
You have no idea how much "removed a rib" makes me cringe. Ogged, hooray for partial kidney! Great to hear that you're recovering. As for the rest of you, I'm astounded at y'alls inability to identify a stomach. Especially the females, who claim interest in these things. Tsk tsk to anatomical awareness knowledge of all but 'Smasher. And I guess to Bridgeplate, who may not possess any anatomy.
The story for the wound: katana duel.
Oh yeah, it's so easy to come in after the fact and act superior, Michael.
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