When I thought this post was about actual, echt sock puppets, I liked it more.
Labs, I am afraid that I must be unfaithful to your sock puppet obsession. I just can't get it up anymore. It's not you, it's me. You have my permission to go elsewhere for your sockpuppet needs.
I fucked a sock puppet once. I never told my wife. I'm afraid she would be devastated if she ever found out. So I live with my guilt.
It's a terrible shame that I have absolutely no standing to make fun of anyone else for having too much time on their hands. Could someone who doesn't comment much do it for me?
MAE, it doesn't matter if she finds out or not. The betrayal has already happened.
So you might as well tell her, since whether you tell her or not doesn't make any difference.
I disagree -- the individual issues dominate. Was it argyle?
Labs, could you at least include a link to and snarky commentary about some absurd right-wing blog post? I'd like to hear where the trolls come down on the infidelity question.
Suppose, instead, that you met a sockpuppet on Craigslist, then punched that sockpuppet repeatedly in the kidneys for not feeling guilty enough about not working in dog rescue. Is this permissible? If you type your answer, you're wrong, because no one without a sockpuppet on his or her hand could know the answer.
Sock monkeys are hilarious. But we've discussed this before, I think.
4. well, it's either this or practicing yngwie malmsteen covers.
I still don't know who Glenn Greewald is, other than some guy accused of sock puppetry. It seems highly likely that he's a liberal writer of some sort.
9: Hah, you reveal your total ignorance of the subject. Sockpuppets don't have kidneys!
It's a terrible shame that I have absolutely no standing to make fun of anyone else for having too much time on their hands.
OK. Hey, LizardBreath, you have too much time on you hands. Get to work, slacker.
Uh, is this what you wanted?
Was it argyle?
Worse. It was this one.
I've heard he wrote about our encounter in the book, but I haven't had the courage to read it and find out.
Sock puppets are gentle, harmless creatures who only want to entertain us. Who wants to hurt them? Between this and the clown fuckage, there's something seriously wrong with this blog.
Sock puppets are gentle, harmless creatures who only want to entertain us
Um, pretty sure you are thinking of "sea monkeys". "Sock puppets" are dangerous, savage beasts which must be exterminated.
So you sea monkeyists would have us believe, with your multi-million dollar brine shrimp lobby and your dual loyalties to the international brachiopodist entity.
No matter how many times I read it, the title still says "cock puppets."
What's your problem, Strasmangelo, you need more chum?
"Here's a post containing the complete and unabridged sock allegations."
I prefer them unsmelly, clean, and cotton.
Geez, this isn't more inside baseball, is it? Because you could worn people that it's not about socks.
Otherwise it's deceptive advertising, and I, for one, think we have a right to sue.
Or warn them, even. Though the whole socks/worn thing, well.
gary! I thought you had made an awesome pun until 22.
20: I'll have you know that I've elevated myself to the role of dispenser of chum, Dr. B.
That's my favourite kind of blog. Always up to the wrist in a warm ... something ...
16: Between this and the clown fuckage
The way those clowns were dressed, they were totally asking for it.
25: I know, but I was thinking maybe you needed a little chumming of your own.
I mean, you give and give and give. Don't you need a little emotional support now and then?
But I use the chum I have to attract all my various shark friends.
As long as you're getting some attention. That's all I care about. Really, chum.
Do not put someone else's sock on your hand to make a sock puppet to masturbate with. Otherwise you'll be cheating on your sock puppet. Woe betide he/she who cheats on a sock puppet. You may never find another sock in the whole wide world willing to touch your feet again.
Do not put someone else's sock on your hand to make a sock puppet to masturbate with.
Well of course if you are going to masturbate using someone else's sock, you wouldn't put it on your hand.
I hear that Gary had a better post about this on his blog about a month ago.
No, you'd put it over your face and inhale deeply.
I'm just saying that it's wrong to use someone else's sock puppet, not that it's not forgivable or that you must forgo socks for sandals hereafter.
9 is brilliant.
It seems highly likely that he's a liberal writer of some sort.
Former Republican, if I'm not mistaken.
Every time you masturbate with a sock puppet, I eat a cheeseburger.
I want a cheeseburger. I can't have one though.
Every time you eat a cheese burger, a sock puppet dies.
Everytime you masturabate with a cheeseburger, Apostropher eats a sock puppet.
Every time you fuck Adam, a cheeseburger spells something wrong?
Every time you accidentally type ?, Adam gets fucked by the Hamburglar.
Every time you sock a kitten, God masturbates under a different identity.
A sock puppet fucks better than a hamburger.
Every time you fuck a kitten, god cries while masturbating into a sockpuppet and eating a cheeseburger.
Every time the Hamburglar fucks a kitten, God masturbates into a sock puppet.
Every time you masturbate with a kitten, fucking it like it was a puppet, God causes one of your socks to get lost in the laundry.
Everytime you fuck god, a kitten masturbates with a cheeseburger on top of a fluffy pile of freshly dryered towels.
Every time a kitten fucks God, a cheeseburger comes all over the fries.
You Godfucking Godfuckers are definitely going to hell.
Every time Mother Theresa fucks a starving child in hell, kittens send forth from her arse, each fucking a miniature sock, and inside a miniature hamburgler fucks twenty miniature bonobos, each eating a banana with the stem down and simultaneously telling racist jokes--with their mouths full--to Adam Kotsko.
We call it, "The Aristocrats".
So, what do you call this blog?
--The Aristocrats.
This thread is the best thing in the history of civilization. Which is good, because those fidelity threads are the worst things humans have ever done.
Obviously you need to rape Standpipe in the face.
Ooh, edit the comment! Then we can blog it and point to you and ask what it is that you have to hide, hmmm?
He's hiding his Kantian nihilism. In his shorts.
Is that your categorical imperative or are you just happy to see me?
Everytime Labs sees a kitten, the resulting mouse action accidentally deletes someone's comment.
Goodnight to all. Once again I am proud to be associated with this fine blog.
The soundtrack for 57 et seq.
Th evolution from what our soundtrack used to be really expresses our loss of innocence here.
"A blog about infidelity and sock puppets" s/b "an eclectic web magazine about infidelity and sock puppets for the discriminating news consumer".
73: By "innocence," do you mean "toolishness"?
By "by 'innocence,' do you mean 'toolishness'" do you mean "I'm yours, you handsome devil"?
jesus fucking christ, I have just taken a look at those interminable infidelity threads. 1500 comments, people, is there no God?
It takes me 24 hours a day to just be Daniel Davies and I am tired at the end of it. How do you folks have so much energy that you can live the lives of three or four people to a sufficient extent to be able to judge them?
jesus fucking christ, I have just taken a look at those interminable infidelity threads. 1500 comments, people, is there no God?
No.
You know I do and do and do for you people and do I get shown any appreciation?
Woe betide he/she who cheats on a sock puppet.
What's the subject of this sentence, Adam Ash?
w-lfs-n, you know perfectly well that Adam Ash is not the subject of that sentence.
Dammit. I fell asleep trying to read Patterico's post and when I woke up I'd missed all the fun kitten/Hamburglar/God-fucking parts of the thread. That'll teach me.
77: obviously we're all just talking about ourselves in that thread. the post is an excuse. as are everyone else's comments.
Every time someone comments on this thread, a kitten fucks God in His posterior using a sockpuppet as a condom.
(Just thought I should get the thread back on topic.)