Re: Tony Fucking Danza!

1

The female orgasm is the natural mechanism by which men assert dominion over women

This is surely true, and why, in the interest of autonomy and equality, I never get a woman off. I'll take my praise off the air, ladies.


Posted by: ogged | Link to this comment | 08- 4-06 9:36 PM
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Ogged, why are you encouraging this posting behavior by responding to it? Didn't we all agree that the best way to help FL beat his addiction was to studiously ignore the subsequent posts?


Posted by: Witt | Link to this comment | 08- 4-06 9:44 PM
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strenuous, battling sex.

Sadly, this makes me think of He-Man and Man-at-Arms.


Posted by: FL | Link to this comment | 08- 4-06 9:46 PM
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If you google the guy's name, this page comes up first, and it has this great description of his new novel: "I’m a monster shagger, me, and Asian don’t you know, which makes the explicit descriptions of my screwing blonde birds all the more revolutionary." A great shtick, I'm sure. I wonder what the deal is with his wife.


Posted by: ogged | Link to this comment | 08- 4-06 9:49 PM
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Ah, she's a columnist who apparently complains about him to make her living. Sweet!


Posted by: ogged | Link to this comment | 08- 4-06 9:51 PM
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Not trying to curry favor with women or anything, but I hope she cuts off his dick.


Posted by: jmcq | Link to this comment | 08- 4-06 9:52 PM
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Note that their marriage is also their chief subject matter.


Posted by: FL | Link to this comment | 08- 4-06 9:53 PM
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8

Why does Unfogged keep trying to make me sad?


Posted by: strasmangelo jones | Link to this comment | 08- 4-06 9:55 PM
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9

Dear Editors,

I never thought it would happen to me, but my wife found out about me cheatinng and I said "Who's the boss?" and she gasped "You are!" after I enticed it out of her with my enormous schlong.

That is all.


Posted by: Cala | Link to this comment | 08- 4-06 9:55 PM
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10

And yet there's the kitten.


Posted by: strasmangelo jones | Link to this comment | 08- 4-06 9:55 PM
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11

It has to be a persona.


Posted by: bitchphd | Link to this comment | 08- 4-06 9:56 PM
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God, now that I've read her column, they seem to deserve each other.

Is this why two years ago I spent 20,000 booking the whole of Babington House for our wedding, and wore a cream made-to-measure Robinson Valentine trouser suit, and 450 Bottega Veneta shoes with rhinestone-encrusted heels, and agonised over whether the cake was organic chocolate ganache or autumn berries, or the flowers creamy English tea roses or arum lilies?

No. You did those things because you're shallow and vain.


Posted by: bitchphd | Link to this comment | 08- 4-06 10:00 PM
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sounds like the marriage is doing great:

I ask him questions and he pretends not to hear me. I am watching telly and he turns over without a word. I get his back in bed. I had more sex when I was dating, which, considering my track record, must be grounds for divorce. The last time we did it was on Christmas Eve. Is he having an affair, or has he just gone off me, or both? I really don't know, and I can't bring myself to ask.

Posted by: FL | Link to this comment | 08- 4-06 10:00 PM
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Ogged, as a man of the East, can you inform we men of the West how we have gone awry?


Posted by: strasmangelo jones | Link to this comment | 08- 4-06 10:01 PM
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11: Yeah, that just occurred to me too. If it is, props to them. But if not, I still hope she cuts off his dick.


Posted by: jmcq | Link to this comment | 08- 4-06 10:01 PM
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Cala, you rule.


Posted by: FL | Link to this comment | 08- 4-06 10:02 PM
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Just read the archives, my little strasmangelo.


Posted by: ogged | Link to this comment | 08- 4-06 10:05 PM
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Wait, Cala, weren't you at the meetup? Is it over? Where's my gossip?


Posted by: ogged | Link to this comment | 08- 4-06 10:06 PM
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I wasn't at the meet-up. But your gossip is probably in Weiner's pocket.


Posted by: Cala | Link to this comment | 08- 4-06 10:09 PM
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"I am true feminist." It may not have the formal structure of "all cretans are liars," but it's close. Compare: "I am a true friend of the Jews."


Posted by: baa | Link to this comment | 08- 4-06 10:33 PM
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I second the awesomeness of Cala.


Posted by: gswift | Link to this comment | 08- 4-06 10:41 PM
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Hilarious, baa. Elijah Milgram has this line about how "true" sometimes acts as a negation operator, e.g. "true self" "true interests" are definitely not your self or your interests.


Posted by: FL | Link to this comment | 08- 4-06 10:42 PM
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You should never ever read anything from the Daily Mail. It is evil, and everything in it is guaranteed to offend and infuriate. Even the weather. Stay pure, just say no.


Posted by: asilon | Link to this comment | 08- 5-06 4:30 AM
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a sweet picture of Ogged

Heck, it looks like Ogged is almost ready to start dancing again.


Posted by: apostropher | Link to this comment | 08- 5-06 5:01 AM
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It may not have the formal structure of "all cretans are liars,"

People who want you to believe that "all cretans are liars" is paradoxical (when uttered by a cretan) should be watched closely, because they do not have your best interests at heart.


Posted by: ben w-lfs-n | Link to this comment | 08- 5-06 5:43 AM
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I like this morning's Recent Comment sidebar. Like a little poem.

Food people!
Tony Fucking Danza!
Food people!
Food people!
McCain's Unstoppable?
Food people!
McCain's Unstoppable?
Tony Fucking Danza!

I might put another "Food people!" between the last two lines, but otherwise very nice. the half rhyme between "people" and "unstoppable" gives it resonance, and the call and response format gives it great energy.


Posted by: mcmc | Link to this comment | 08- 5-06 5:54 AM
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I'd imagine that when two people this self absorbed start fucking they'd create a black hole from which not even Nirpal's giant schlong could escape, much to the woe of the blond birds of London.


Posted by: shpx.ohfu | Link to this comment | 08- 5-06 7:15 AM
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If people could fuck other people into submission, why aren't chicks ruling the world?
Isn't it easier for a chick to fuck a guy's brains out than for a lad to fuck a chick's brains out?


Posted by: Adam Ash | Link to this comment | 08- 5-06 7:27 AM
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Kinda-sorta-tangentially related: Beware the Oriental fantasy


Posted by: Gaijin Biker | Link to this comment | 08- 5-06 9:26 AM
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Isn't this column an old Eddie Murphy routine? I think it's from Delerious: "Yeah, baby, I fucked her, but I make love to you." Murphy does the same 'controlling women through orgasm' bit too.


Posted by: LizardBreath | Link to this comment | 08- 5-06 9:37 AM
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30: Terrifying. I wrote a comment last night based on that very same Eddie Murphy joke, and then decided not to post it. Female brother from another mother, and all that.


Posted by: SomeCallMeTim | Link to this comment | 08- 5-06 10:31 AM
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What a douchebag (of patriarchy!). I do suggest, though, that folks read her column on him. He comes off a whole lot less manly and in control there, and that he clearly married a clinically insecure bundle of neuroses sort of puts the lie to his schtick. Indeed, you'll see many more compliments for her in his grotesque exposition than for him in hers.


Posted by: Ezra | Link to this comment | 08- 5-06 10:40 AM
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Can you imagine running into them at parties? "So, Liz, I hear you've been fucked into submission-- how's that working out?"


Posted by: FL | Link to this comment | 08- 5-06 11:03 AM
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Hee! "So, Nirpal, are you and Liz having sex again? Have you given any more thought to your mom's question about whether you're gay? Because, you know, that might explain a lot."


Posted by: bitchphd | Link to this comment | 08- 5-06 11:16 AM
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"I think I annoy him, to be honest"

I don't even live with her and she annoys the hell out of me.

That column was bizarre. I almost don't believe it's for real.


Posted by: dagger aleph | Link to this comment | 08- 5-06 11:23 AM
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I can't even handle 33. Ogged's Mom - come tell me about Lebanon!


Posted by: Becks | Link to this comment | 08- 5-06 11:28 AM
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Has a female orgasm ever been caused by a cock, of any size?

baa -- your statement about "I am a true feminist" is restricted to men, right? As for "a true friend of the Jews," the Troll of Sorrow once said that although he found male Jews distasteful, he didn't mind the "She-brews."


Posted by: Adam Kotsko | Link to this comment | 08- 5-06 11:42 AM
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Has a female orgasm ever been caused by a cock, of any size?

Not by yours, I gather.


Posted by: apostropher | Link to this comment | 08- 5-06 11:53 AM
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This does raise the question of, if he is not, in fact, the boss, who is?


Posted by: Glenn | Link to this comment | 08- 5-06 11:56 AM
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40

Actually, damnit, that question was already answered. Shame on me.


Posted by: Glenn | Link to this comment | 08- 5-06 12:01 PM
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38: A think of beauty, Apo.


Posted by: SomeCallMeTim | Link to this comment | 08- 5-06 12:06 PM
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"No cocks have caused orgasms," when uttered by me, is structurally identical to "All Cretans are liars."


Posted by: Adam Kotsko | Link to this comment | 08- 5-06 12:35 PM
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your statement about "I am a true feminist" is restricted to men, right?

I say no. Though I have to say, it seems to be mostly men who praise Christina Hoff Sommers as a "true feminist" in those exact words.


Posted by: Matt Weiner | Link to this comment | 08- 5-06 12:49 PM
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And here I'd always thought Charles was in charge...

[rimshot]


Posted by: Ezra | Link to this comment | 08- 5-06 12:52 PM
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And Ezra puts in his order, and asks for his favorite waiter...at the Mineshaft.


Posted by: ogged | Link to this comment | 08- 5-06 1:06 PM
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Opponents beware, opponents beware-- I'm coming!


Posted by: Martha FL Washington | Link to this comment | 08- 5-06 1:46 PM
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The female orgasm is the natural mechanism by which men assert dominion over women

Ten to one his wife is faking it. Make that 100-1. Her column pretty much shows how appallingly, neurotically [bordering on psychotically] desperate she is/was to be married; it sounds as if she'll do almost anything to maintain that state. Contributing to his studly self-image is probably the easiest thing she has to do. [Alpha male? Please... if ever the phrase 'I'm so glad I'm a Delta' was apt...]

I agree with whoever said they deserve each other. Let's wish them a long, if not happy, marriage and pray to the Flying Spaghetti Monster that they never adopt some poor innocent child whose life will be forever warped.


Posted by: DominEditrix | Link to this comment | 08- 5-06 1:49 PM
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They work much harder than we do, because they're so frightfully clever.


Posted by: Cala | Link to this comment | 08- 5-06 2:05 PM
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They're both pretty screwed up, but he's the one who seems hellbent on inflicting their lunacy on a child. I will be praying for his early demise.


Posted by: gswift | Link to this comment | 08- 5-06 8:27 PM
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after I enticed it out of her with my enormous schlong.

Affectionately known as "Purple Nirpal".


Posted by: Standpipe Bridgeplate | Link to this comment | 08- 5-06 8:28 PM
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SB: Genius.


Posted by: mrh | Link to this comment | 08- 5-06 10:05 PM
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I thought it was pretty low-hanging. "Nirpal" was just looming there for almost a day. Nirpal nirpal nirpal. Is it the heat?


Posted by: Standpipe Bridgeplate | Link to this comment | 08- 6-06 10:05 AM
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But thanks. If you like, I will nickname the body part of your choice.


Posted by: Standpipe Bridgeplate | Link to this comment | 08- 6-06 10:06 AM
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54

Hott.


Posted by: Becks | Link to this comment | 08- 6-06 10:17 AM
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53: My philtrum and/or uvula, please.


Posted by: apostropher | Link to this comment | 08- 6-06 10:29 AM
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You didn't ask me , but I humbly offer these suggestions:

Philtrum: Phildo.

For uvula, I must go with Babs.

In a related note, this must make you feel like you are about to puke 24/7.


Posted by: shpx.ohfu | Link to this comment | 08- 6-06 11:02 AM
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Okay, I don't care how fuddyduddyish it is to say, that's just fucking stupid.


Posted by: bitchphd | Link to this comment | 08- 6-06 12:27 PM
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Ew, ew, ew, and also ew.


Posted by: mrh | Link to this comment | 08- 6-06 1:26 PM
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He has a column in the Evening Standard. I wrote a letter to them a while ago congratulating them, since I thought that after Toby Young had stopped writing "Letter From New York", they would never again find a columnist as self-centred, trivial and annoying. It took them five years but they managed it.

Liz Jones is the editor of British Vogue I think, and a lot of his great big "I am the man" thing has to be seen in the context of the fact that he is basically a house-husband.


Posted by: dsquared | Link to this comment | 08- 7-06 12:10 AM
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Hilzoy's summary of the same column:

Shorter real man: "I do not avoid women, Mandrake; but I do deny them my essence."


Posted by: LizardBreath | Link to this comment | 08- 7-06 7:28 PM
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Via Vox Day.

There are probably three worse words in the English language -- and I invite y'all to find them! -- but I can't think of any that make me cringe more. Brrrr.


Posted by: Anarch | Link to this comment | 08- 8-06 5:24 PM
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There are probably three worse words in the English language

Hugh Hewitt naked.


Posted by: apostropher | Link to this comment | 08- 8-06 6:15 PM
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Hugh Hewitt naked.

Squelchy, yet turgid. Any others?


Posted by: Anarch | Link to this comment | 08- 9-06 11:09 AM
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