Re: The USPTO denies trademark applications like a girl.

1

she found four separate pieces of correspondence from the U.S. Patent and Trademark Office in her personal e-mail account. In each were literally dozens of photographs of women covered in ejaculate and no letter of explanation.

An explanation:

The USPTO examiners interpreted her slogan as "You, cum, like a girl." They sent her these exhibits as prior art demonstrating that the affinity of cum for girls had already been established.


Posted by: Cryptic Ned | Link to this comment | 09- 9-06 10:07 PM
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I like Roxanne's banner.


Posted by: ogged | Link to this comment | 09- 9-06 10:18 PM
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Resolved: there is some excuse for spelling it 'cum' as a noun, but not as a verb.


Posted by: Matt Weiner | Link to this comment | 09- 9-06 10:19 PM
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Seconded.

(Does one second resolutions?)


Posted by: ogged | Link to this comment | 09- 9-06 10:21 PM
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Looks like it.


Posted by: Matt Weiner | Link to this comment | 09- 9-06 10:23 PM
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Ok then, I third that bad boy too.


Posted by: ogged | Link to this comment | 09- 9-06 10:24 PM
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But which excuse is it, and is it any good?


Posted by: ben w-lfs-n | Link to this comment | 09- 9-06 10:47 PM
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Resolved: spelling it 'cum' as a verb is justifiable, to set it apart from the other verb 'to come' - but as a noun it is not justifiable, because there could be no other meaning for a noun form of 'come'.


Posted by: Cryptic Ned | Link to this comment | 09- 9-06 10:49 PM
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No, it's that 'come' isn't a noun so you can spell the noun however you like, but it is a verb so you should spell it the way it's already spelled.


Posted by: Matt Weiner | Link to this comment | 09- 9-06 10:53 PM
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It's a verb, but is it the same verb? (Synchronically, that is.) It doesn't mean the same thing.


Posted by: teofilo | Link to this comment | 09- 9-06 10:56 PM
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It's polysemous.


Posted by: Matt Weiner | Link to this comment | 09- 9-06 10:59 PM
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That's one way to look at it.


Posted by: teofilo | Link to this comment | 09- 9-06 11:01 PM
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Unrelated to 'semen', unfortunately, which was where I was hoping to go with it.


Posted by: Matt Weiner | Link to this comment | 09- 9-06 11:03 PM
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Whereas, there is practically no realistic circumstance in which one might confuse "come" in the sense of "arrive" and "come" meaning "experience orgasm" [1], and
Whereas, if that were not true, changing the spelling would deprive the language of written pun fodder, and
Whereas, the agreed-upon past tense of the word in question is "came", meaning that the spelling "cum" would involve an irregularity which is unusual in itself and unusual for a neologism, since neologisms tend to regularity, and
Whereas, the spelling "cum", especially for the verb, is puerile,
Be it resolved that the spelling "cum", for the verb, is unjustifiable.

[1] Recall Unfogged Resolution 172, condemning "orgasm" as a verb.


Posted by: ben w-lfs-n | Link to this comment | 09- 9-06 11:04 PM
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the agreed-upon past tense of the word in question is "came"

Utter pwnation. Dispositive.


Posted by: Matt Weiner | Link to this comment | 09- 9-06 11:10 PM
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Whereas, the spelling "cum", especially for the verb, is puerile,

I have no idea what the origin of the "cum" spelling is, but I wouldn't be surprised if it were by the porn industry, seeking a more puerile variant.


Posted by: ogged | Link to this comment | 09- 9-06 11:10 PM
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It can also be used informally as a preposition. "I'll have my patent come summer."


Posted by: | Link to this comment | 09- 9-06 11:13 PM
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Not if you misspell "come," you won't. Which makes me wonder if she would have had this problem if she'd used the other spelling.


Posted by: teofilo | Link to this comment | 09- 9-06 11:35 PM
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To what are you responding, teo?


Posted by: ben w-lfs-n | Link to this comment | 09- 9-06 11:40 PM
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To the comment immediately preceding mine,


Posted by: teofilo | Link to this comment | 09- 9-06 11:43 PM
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specifically the part within quotation marks.


Posted by: teofilo | Link to this comment | 09- 9-06 11:43 PM
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In 17 it strikes me that 'come' is subjunctive, but I can't defend this. Have I mentioned that I pretty much fake all my linguistics?


Posted by: Matt Weiner | Link to this comment | 09- 9-06 11:45 PM
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"Come" in that construction is subjunctive (or was at some point), but it's been grammaticalized to the point that it's lost most of its categorial properties as a verb and is now something more like a preposition.


Posted by: teofilo | Link to this comment | 09- 9-06 11:54 PM
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Whereas, there is practically no realistic circumstance in which one might confuse "come" in the sense of "arrive" and "come" meaning "experience orgasm"

What, *you* were never confused by "come on Eileen!"?


Posted by: Michael | Link to this comment | 09-10-06 12:12 AM
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Is "come" a noun in craps? Yahoo Amer Heritage has no craps meanings at all, that I see.


Posted by: bob mcmanus | Link to this comment | 09-10-06 12:15 AM
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24: There's also that scene in American Pie.


Posted by: teofilo | Link to this comment | 09-10-06 12:23 AM
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Here is a Craps FAQ

"Other bets can be made during the game after the come-out roll by anyone,
called "Come" and "Don't Come" bets. These are made by placing the bet on the
"Come" box or the "Don't Come" box;"

I can't find any example, but I think there is a slang expression:"betting on the come" or "betting the come."


Posted by: bob mcmanus | Link to this comment | 09-10-06 12:25 AM
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14 is half right, but really, spelling it "cum" as a noun is also just gross and pathetic. Not quite as gross and pathetic as "jism," but close.


Posted by: bitchphd | Link to this comment | 09-10-06 12:34 AM
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Such strong opinions everyone has!


Posted by: teofilo | Link to this comment | 09-10-06 12:41 AM
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what does 'cum like a girl' mean, anyway? is it an insult, or an exhortation?


Posted by: yoyo | Link to this comment | 09-10-06 1:04 AM
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I think the ambiguity is sort of the point.


Posted by: teofilo | Link to this comment | 09-10-06 1:06 AM
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I'm really handsome when I come, but when you do, you look really dumb.


Posted by: ben w-lfs-n | Link to this comment | 09-10-06 1:10 AM
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re: 22

yeah, 17 looks subjunctive to me.

'If it were the case that it was summer, then it would be the case that I would have my patent'


Posted by: nattarGcM ttaM | Link to this comment | 09-10-06 2:41 AM
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So telling that this post generated a comment thread entirely about grammatical usage.


Posted by: apostropher | Link to this comment | 09-10-06 3:20 AM
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28 is wrong because its not supposed to be a euphamism. squick is kinda gross and really sticky.


Posted by: yoyo | Link to this comment | 09-10-06 4:57 AM
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I'm so glad I'm not the only one who thinks the word/misspelling "cum" is horrid. It gives me the creeps. Much worse than "fart".

There probably are people out there who say "cummed" though. Morons. And I don't think I like her phrase either - if she's saying it to men in the audience so everyone laughs at them, it's not a compliment, is it?


Posted by: asilon | Link to this comment | 09-10-06 5:31 AM
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36 -- The words that would ordinarily connote insult are 'like a girl.' Nearly any verb would complete the set as an insult -- throw, whine, moon, walk -- except for this one, which is utter nonsense, and thus not actually insulting on its face. Arguably. The butt of the joke is not the person to whom it is said directly, because no one can be offended by this taunt, but rather humorless feminists (presumably absent from a comedy show) looking for oppression anywhere it might be found.

Humorless feminists -- I don't know any, but am sure some must exist somewhere -- should applaud the PTO's bold stand. Just as the grammarians apparently do.


Posted by: CharleyCarp | Link to this comment | 09-10-06 5:47 AM
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The joke is in the non sequitur nature of it, in its very meaninglessness.


Posted by: apostropher | Link to this comment | 09-10-06 6:24 AM
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No, boys, you're just wrong. The joke is that it's meaningless, but not utterly so; it's not nonsense. Speaking *as* a humorless feminist, the one thing that straight guys who think of women as sex toys (I don't know any, but am sure some must exist somewhere) really like is making women come. If anything, "to come like a girl" is something straight men really *admire*. The reason the phrase is meaningless is that "(come) like a girl" (insult) runs up against "come like a girl" (hottt, and entirely desireable) and produces cognitive dissonance.


Posted by: bitchphd | Link to this comment | 09-10-06 7:12 AM
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re: 36

What's the problem with 'fart'?

Apart from it not being as good as the Czech word for the same which is 'prt' and as onomatopoeic as can be.


Posted by: nattarGcM ttaM | Link to this comment | 09-10-06 7:20 AM
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re: 36

What's the problem with 'fart'?

Apart from it not being as good as the Czech word for the same which is 'prt' and as onomatopoeic as can be.


Posted by: | Link to this comment | 09-10-06 7:21 AM
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Gah .. so good I said it twice.


Posted by: nattarGcM ttaM | Link to this comment | 09-10-06 7:22 AM
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It offends Ogged.


Posted by: bitchphd | Link to this comment | 09-10-06 7:23 AM
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the one thing that straight guys who think of women as sex toys ... really like is making women come.

Are there straight guys who don't like making women come?

I certainly do. Well, one woman in particular, for now and the forseeable future, but I don't think that's the distinction you're getting at.

I wouldn't have thought enjoying causing your partner to have an orgasm was something that differentiated the men who think of women as sex toys and men who don't.

Or is "thinking of women as sex toys" not a bad thing in this context, since it didn't include the word "mere"?


Posted by: Zadfrack | Link to this comment | 09-10-06 7:33 AM
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36: If you don't like the word "fart", what word do you proposed using instead?


Posted by: Zadfrack | Link to this comment | 09-10-06 7:35 AM
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44: Emphasis on one. The ONE thing, etc.


Posted by: bitchphd | Link to this comment | 09-10-06 7:41 AM
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I was thinking more of Ogged, and someone else (dagger aleph) than myself. I can live with fart. It's better than the cutesy euphemisms. I didn't used to like it at all, but I've become inured to it. I don't really talk about breaking wind an awful lot, but children change that! I avoided calling them anything for about 2 years, and then one day my 2 year old farted and said "beep beep" so that one kind of stuck.

I guess I have finally achieved my goal of becoming a humourless feminist, because I don't get the joke at all. I bet the audience just laugh because that's what you do at comedy gigs. And anyway, stand-up comedians who have catchphrases are lazy.

(And, following links, how come BBC America shows Footballers' Wives which was on ITV?)


Posted by: asilon | Link to this comment | 09-10-06 8:11 AM
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Dr. B, I thought about that, but really I don't think your hypothetical 'sex toy' guy wants to 'come like a girl' -- first because his fixation is, imuo, more about dominance than pleasure,* second because, well, he wouldn't use the word 'girl.' I'm back to using a phrase designed to sound like it should set the antennae of the humorless humming, yet with the insult just on the deniable side.

I don't buy you as humorless. Sorry.


* I guess there's the possibility that the whole sex toy thing of sex toy guy is projection -- I'm not buying that he's treating women like objects because he wishes someone would treat him like an object, but that just seems like a level of complexity too far for the run-o-the-mill stg. Of course, there are undoubtedly such.


Posted by: CharleyCarp | Link to this comment | 09-10-06 8:33 AM
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Okay, since we're comparing the words "cum" and "fart", and we're analyzing the funniness of Carlson's catchphrase, the natural question to ask is this: which of the following catchphrases is funnier,

(1) "You cum like a girl" or

(2) "You fart like a girl"?

My general reaction to (1) is "Huh?", but I think (2) could be hysterical if delivered in the right way.


Posted by: Zadfrack | Link to this comment | 09-10-06 8:37 AM
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"hysterical" s/b "hilarious"


Posted by: Zadfrack | Link to this comment | 09-10-06 8:40 AM
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Girls don't fart, Zadfrack.


Posted by: ben w-lfs-n | Link to this comment | 09-10-06 9:34 AM
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Aaaaanyway, I think there may be no acceptable written form of the noun "come/cum", which is highly unusual but maybe not unprecedented. Some things don't have all their grammatical parts filled out; my go-to example is that although we can say "smaller", niether "littler" nor "more little" seems to be a proper part of the English language.


Posted by: DonBoy | Link to this comment | 09-10-06 10:31 AM
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nEIther.


Posted by: DonBoy | Link to this comment | 09-10-06 10:32 AM
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48: Sex toy guy *only* calls women girls. Maybe babes or bitches or whatever, but never "women."

And I dunno, admittedly the guys I've slept with weren't sex toy guy, but I seem to have heard a lot of men say that women's orgasms seem more intense than your average guy orgasm, and they're a little jealous?

Or you know, maybe it's just that my own personal orgasms are teh awesome.


Posted by: bitchphd | Link to this comment | 09-10-06 11:08 AM
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28: How would you spell "jism" then?


Posted by: Anarch | Link to this comment | 09-10-06 1:07 PM
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"ejaculate".


Posted by: ben w-lfs-n | Link to this comment | 09-10-06 1:11 PM
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39: I'm a little confused by the implications here. You're saying that straight guys who view women as sex objects really like having them come. Don't most guys, though? I mean, wouldn't the relevant (or at least, more interesting) pathology be the guys who don't care whether or not the women come seeing as how they're absorbed in their own gratification, unless you're going to heavily qualify the other description?


Posted by: Anarch | Link to this comment | 09-10-06 1:12 PM
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I seem to have heard a lot of men say that women's orgasms seem more intense than your average guy orgasm, and they're a little jealous?

Based on my admittedly small data set, that's been my conclusion: women's orgasms are more intense than men's.

And yes, I am jealous. I'm especially jealous of the ability to have multiple orgasms.


Posted by: Zadfrack | Link to this comment | 09-10-06 1:20 PM
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Straight guys who view women as sex objects really like having women come, but only when it is from sex acts they find pleasurable, like fucking them in the ass with a ten-inch penis.


Posted by: m. leblanc | Link to this comment | 09-10-06 1:22 PM
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Various persons claim that men can experience multiple orgasms, and can divorce orgasm from ejaculation.


Posted by: ben w-lfs-n | Link to this comment | 09-10-06 1:23 PM
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They're both true, fwiw.


Posted by: Anarch | Link to this comment | 09-10-06 1:27 PM
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59: Luckily, no one really has a 10 inch penis.


Posted by: bitchphd | Link to this comment | 09-10-06 1:30 PM
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62: Why does that remind me of the joke about the bartender with the hard-of-hearing genie?


Posted by: LizardBreath | Link to this comment | 09-10-06 1:31 PM
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59 is pretty much what I was getting at.


Posted by: Anarch | Link to this comment | 09-10-06 1:45 PM
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Apart from it not being as good as the Czech word for the same which is 'prt' and as onomatopoeic as can be.

I'm almost certain that in Croatian, "prt" means "ham" (don't have my dictionary handy, so I can't check). I guess those two languages aren't as alike as I thought.


Posted by: dagger aleph | Link to this comment | 09-10-06 3:52 PM
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62: Just remembered a funny story about that, actually. A few years ago a female friend of mine was training to become a chef; she apparently burst out laughing right in the middle of the kitchen when, upon receiving her first knife, she found out what 9" really looked like...


Posted by: Anarch | Link to this comment | 09-10-06 5:19 PM
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65: Actually, "beef" is among the many synonyms of "fart" -- as in "Who beefed?" -- so the association of flatulence with meat product isn't totally unprecedented.


Posted by: Jesus McQueen | Link to this comment | 09-10-06 5:37 PM
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Whereas, there is practically no realistic circumstance in which one might confuse "come" in the sense of "arrive" and "come" meaning "experience orgasm"

I have an anecdote (which took place this morning) to refute this claim.

66: I remain amused, in an admittedly puerile way, about the lovely Sabatier 6" boner that I have in my kitchen.


Posted by: mrh | Link to this comment | 09-10-06 7:34 PM
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I have an anecdote (which took place this morning) to refute this claim.

Well?


Posted by: teofilo | Link to this comment | 09-10-06 7:45 PM
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Mr. H leaves us hanging.


Posted by: Clownæsthesiologist | Link to this comment | 09-11-06 9:14 AM
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re: 65

In czech ham is 'sunka' I think -- for the sort of sliced ham you put in a sandwich. Pork is 'veprovy'. Pork neck is 'krk'.

Pig is 'prase' though. Which is close to whatever the Croatian equivalent is.


Posted by: nattarGcM ttaM | Link to this comment | 09-11-06 9:19 AM
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.rM nattarGcM -- what is the usage distinction between 'Croat' and 'Croatian'? Is the first only a noun referring to a citizen of Croatia, the second either the language or an adjective?


Posted by: Clownæsthesiologist | Link to this comment | 09-11-06 9:23 AM
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I'm going to make a guess answer and say "Croat" is ethnic, "Croatian" is a nationality. Like the distinction between being American (Indian) and American (citizen of the US).


Posted by: bitchphd | Link to this comment | 09-11-06 9:24 AM
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I dimly remember the Dobre Shunka banners in Three Rivers.


Posted by: Matt Weiner | Link to this comment | 09-11-06 9:24 AM
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I think Croat refers to a Croatian person. I've never heard "Croat" as an adjective, only as a noun.

Kind of like "Scot". Or "Chinee".


Posted by: Cryptic Ned | Link to this comment | 09-11-06 9:25 AM
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re: 72

Dagger aleph is the Croat, not me. She'd know.


Posted by: nattarGcM ttaM | Link to this comment | 09-11-06 9:26 AM
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Huh. Thot she was Canajin.


Posted by: Clownæsthesiologist | Link to this comment | 09-11-06 9:28 AM
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A little more research shows that "Dobre Shunka" was attributed to Pittsburgh's Slovak population.


Posted by: Matt Weiner | Link to this comment | 09-11-06 9:28 AM
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Er, uh, I mean "a Canuck."


Posted by: Clownæsthesiologist | Link to this comment | 09-11-06 9:29 AM
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re: 78

Yeah, and means 'good ham'. Which I see that wikipedia entry already says.


Posted by: nattarGcM ttaM | Link to this comment | 09-11-06 9:32 AM
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ITYM "a Canucklehead".


Posted by: ben w-lfs-n | Link to this comment | 09-11-06 9:32 AM
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77: She's both.


Posted by: teofilo | Link to this comment | 09-11-06 9:43 AM
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Yeah, a "Croat" is a person, though neither I nor anyone I know ever uses that word. I only see it written.

"Pig" is "prase". According to my dictionary, the word "prt" doesn't exist in Croatian, but I don't believe it. Now I have to email my cousin.


Posted by: dagger aleph | Link to this comment | 09-11-06 9:52 AM
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Took a weekend trip up to the lake house; wife was undecided as to whether to make the trip or stay home. Also, had been several days since last occasion of intimacy.

Immediately after morning sex, wife looks at me and says, "I'm really glad I came."



Posted by: the author of comment 68 | Link to this comment | 09-11-06 10:47 AM
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Heh.


Posted by: Clownæsthesiologist | Link to this comment | 09-11-06 10:53 AM
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Thank you! I'm hear 'til Tuesday. Try the chicken.


Posted by: mrh | Link to this comment | 09-11-06 11:01 AM
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>Citing Section 2 (a) of the Trademark Act, Carlson’s application to register the phrase “You cum like a girl” had been refused on the grounds of being “scandalous” and “vulgar,” with the phrase’s offending verb defined as a “vulgar slang term for ejaculation at the time of orgasm.” Shanahan provided examples of similar rejections and explained why other attempts to register phrases with “cum” passed muster and Carlson’s didn’t. He also suggested why the word “orgasm” might make a suitable PG-13 replacement. Shanahan did include one small conciliatory detail in the haze of constrained legalese: an expression of discomfort at having to send an avalanche of visual aids — unearthed by way of a Google search — to “illustrate the predominant connotation of the term ‘cum.’”

The Trademark office sent the porn to the comedian to as evidance of the normal meaning of the word "cum". This is a reasonable thing to do, especially when smartasses will try to get these things allowed by arguing that, for example, 'in Latin, “cum” also means “together with, plus.'


Posted by: joe o | Link to this comment | 09-11-06 11:03 AM
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"And I dunno, admittedly the guys I've slept with weren't sex toy guy, but I seem to have heard a lot of men say that women's orgasms seem more intense than your average guy orgasm, and they're a little jealous"

If that's the case (that men are at a biological disadvantage orgasmically), then why aren't women the ones taking the active role during sex to help compensate for it? Why are men still expected to do all of the work if women inherently get off so much better? I'm serious. Most women are completely passive in bed. They just lie there, legs spread, expecting to be pleasured. Men are told to ignore their own pleasure and focus only on their partner's, otherwise they're "selfish." (Women, of course, can never be selfish.) A guy is supposed to do everything in his power to get her off. If she doesn't cum, it's his fault. If he doesn't enjoy himself, that's his fault too.

The bullshit that women get away with is astounding.


Posted by: saf | Link to this comment | 09-17-06 7:50 AM
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