Also, what does "generous" mean in this context? It's not followed by either of its usual unstated parentheticals: "in bed," or "rich old man ISO hot young thing." Is he just saying he'll always let me have the first stab at the Times crossword? And I still have to pay for the Times myself?
"Still young and vigorous" means "not exactly young any more". 30-35 at least.
Writing a novel while raising four children is very unlikely. Much less making a career woman happy.
I didn't know you went to Harvard, Ogged.
Not your best work, Becks.
John, he's 23 (I didn't include the header from the ad).
The low-hanging fruit having been plucked, kudos to Ogged for correctly reading between the lines on "young and vigorous" and "great".
I would be a trophy husband for a moderately above average wife.
Anyone? Anyone?
Kind of lacking in subtlety, isn't he?
"Slug looking for meal ticket."
A female version of the ad would at least purport to be looking for personal qualities beyond the capacity to pay the mortgage.
Writing a novel while raising 4 (!) children takes neither writing nor childrearing seriously. Read: professional layabout.
I think his vision of raising 4 children involves project-managing their nannies.
And he doesn't say he's going to write a novel, just that he'll "try to be a novelist." Weasel.
And his idea of writing a novel involves project-managing 1000 monkeys and 1000 typewriters.
And why would a woman respond to this ad anyway? If you're in the position to have a kept man, you should be able to hold auditions.
Or...
Awesome, but I call foul on the driver, which almost doubles the price and isn't really necessary, especially in Manhattan.
Don't be so self-critical, ogged. I think it's a fine ad.
Two people make the same bad joke? Who else remembers when this place used to be funny?
Fuck. Becks got there first in #4.
I don't really have a problem with the ad. I can't imagine it getting many responses, and I'm not sure I'd like to be married to those who would respond, but....
Tim's been distracted by that meme Becks gave him.
I'm getting a little tired of your "live and let live" attitude, SCMT.
Yeah, what is this blog if not a lens with which to focus the white-hot glare of scorn on people who generally aren't paying attention?
The saddest part is this loser will probably sit on his ass leeching off some woman for years, write some delusional book that makes it look like he made some kind of sacrifice and is the true face of Generation Awesome, and get a sizable book deal to write up the experience.
My great-aunt, who had money, was fairly frank about keeping her husband for their whole lives. One year she gave him a Rolls Royce as an anniversary present and a chaffeur's hat to remind him of his place.
22 -- I doubt the slacker will write the book twice, as I have him doing in that comment, but YKWIM.
It's going to be great when this guy shows up in the comments.
One year she gave him a Rolls Royce as an anniversary present and a chaffeur's hat to remind him of his place
What's the saying? If you marry for money, you'll earn every penny.
nterested in a big wedding
This is also clearly a lie. No straight guy give a shit about having a big wedding.
We should make up a Nerve ad combining the best traits of the best of Unfogged: Stephen Mei/er, Jacquel/ine Parker Posey Paisley, Paul De/ingan, Tom Hil/de. . . .
27: Sadly, you are wrong. I seem to be dating one of them, and it's kinda freakin' me out.
No straight guy give a shit about having a big wedding.
This is correct. I figured him to be an older, loner type, but it turns out he's instead 23 and deeply closeted.
Prospective cabana boys need to know everyone in the band, have the invites to the afterparties, and score the best coke. He'll need better euphemisms than "well-read" and "well-traveled" to get on with that line of work.
Sure, we feel all superior; remember when we made fun of the horrid writing and rotting soul of Opinionista? Now she's on the verge of a book deal.
(Note, if you keep scrolling down in thread, it's the awesome law firm rap session.)
27: Sadly, you are wrong. I seem to be dating one of them, and it's kinda freakin' me out.
There's another possibility. It might also freak you out.
This fellow, is he "well-traveled", m. leblanc?
27: "big wedding" is code for "her parents are loaded".
Only because of a typo do we miss out on his dedication to yard work: he meant to write "weeding."
If you're This Guy, why wouldn't you want a big party with an open bar that someone else is paying for?
I'm getting a little tired of your "live and let live" attitude, SCMT.
Dude, you have to let the market efficiently allocate resources and match up partners. This is the guy that She Who Cannot Be Named was talking about; there should be much feminist rejoicing over his apparent arrival.
It is a truth universally acknowledged that a single man in possession of an inflated sense of self-importance must be in want of a great wife.
you have to let the market efficiently allocate resources and match up partners
"SomeCallMeTim" s/b "Jacqueline Parker Posey Paisley"
39: Well, I never said that everybody called me Tim.
Um, excuse me, I see nothing wrong with an aspiring novelist who doesn't want to get a day job seeking woman who is willing to support stay-home husband at all. Admittedly, he has no clue that raising kids and, presumably, keeping the house is going to mean less than zero time for novel-writing but then hey, he's 23. I think a lot of 23 year old women are equally naive.
That said, he does sound like a self-involved tool. Like you said, Ogged, no sense of actual necessary skills: is he a neat freak? Does he reallly dig cooking? Does he like kids and wanna coach little league or whatever? And, like, what does he have to offer a wife besides being "young and vigorous"? (Newsflash, buddy: dime a dozen.)
But, you know, maybe he's a good-humored guy who's come to realize that he's sick of having his relatives ask him when he's going to get a "real" job. He sounds a bit shallow, but, hey. He's 23.
If you're This Guy, why wouldn't you want a big party with an open bar that someone else is paying for?
"big party with an open bar" s/b "months of headaches and stress, with alternating bouts of shouting and tears from the wife to be"
In defense of the gay theory, one of my friends (who, to be fair, has a notorious "everyone is gay!" disposition) thinks the guy in question is gay. But if so, he certainly does seem to like having sex with women a whole lot, for a gay man.
Predictably, I agree with B. The guy does seem a little toolish, especially with the "great wife" line, but I think the sentiment is totally fine, and that's pretty close to what I would be looking for in a husband, if I wanted to get married. So.
but, hey. He's 23
So, give or take, are a bunch of the regulars here.
MWM, 47, balding, seeks rich geriatric for meaningful inheritance. Personality not important.
29: Serendipity! This week's "Modern Love" is written by your beau.
Yeah, but we all realize that the regulars here are remarkably atypical of your average 23-year old.
Nice try, Ogged, but I'm not so easily caught.
"big party with an open bar" s/b "months of headaches and stress, with alternating bouts of shouting and tears from the wife to be"
Bah. He's looking for an ambitious career-type woman. The kind of woman for whom a wedding is *not* the height of her ambition, and who is quite happy delegating authority. Our wedding was a medium-sized party with an open bar, and there was no stress, no shouting, and no tears. That's why you have the thing catered in the first place.
All I mean, B, is that age is no excuse.
Hey all, I just found out that I get to go to NYC on Wednesday for a meeting of lawyers to talk about litigation against the detainee bill that just got passed in Congress. After a week of panic and tears, at least I can feel like I'm doing something besides just calling my senators and harrassing my classmates.
If any lawyers (or anyone else) have ideas they want me to pass on to this group, let me know.
"alternating bouts of shouting and tears from the wife to be" s/b "alternating bouts of shouting and tears from the trophy husband to be"
Wait, in that Modern Love column, the no-time-for anything bride is a Pilates instructor? I was expecting a cardiologist, or a political consultant, or at least a big-firm lawyer. If your bride can't take time off from teaching Pilates to help plan the wedding, she hates you.
Yay M Leblanc!!
You need to know more average people, Ogged.
The kind of woman for whom a wedding is *not* the height of her ambition, and who is quite happy delegating authority...no stress, no shouting, and no tears.
Your way is the exception, not the norm. It can be done in a sane manner, but I like to go with the odds.
If any lawyers (or anyone else) have ideas they want me to pass on to this group, let me know.
Sweet, leblanc! Sincerely awesome. From the anyone else crew: fast-track it and try to get the cases befor the Supreme Court before Stevens dies. Feel free to waterboard ogged for any necessary exhibits.
56: Talk about your double standards. Maybe she just doesn't give a shit about foofy crap like weddings and doesn't want to go into debt, and figures, it'll happen without getting all wrapped around the axle?
Not, of course, that I've read the article.
That may be the first Modern Love column I've read that I actually liked.
"big wedding" equals "must be out of your goddamned mind."
"just something small and intimate" equals "mom still has firm opinions on everything from the guestlist to the length of the train and it's going to end up being big anyway"
"parents not paying for it" equals "mom still thinks she's entitled to opinions."
Frankly, if I hear one more time anything about 'most important day of your life', I'm going to beat someone over the head with a copy of Modern Bride. This will first involve the purchase of that magazine, whose purpose is to convince sane women that their life will be ruined if their napkins aren't monogrammed in the fashionable color of the season. Seriously, it's a fucking party. No party should be in the top ten of anyone's life who isn't a professional party planner.
No party should be in the top ten of anyone's life who isn't a professional party planner.
Unless it's a party in honor of your school's Rose Bowl victory. Hook 'em!
Cala:
Seriously, don't stress too much about it. None of your friends are going to care one way or the other. Weddings are awesome because you're happy for your friend. And you get to meet your friend's friends, who you usually like and occassionally get to sleep with. The only thing that can ruin it is a too-stressed-out bride or groom.
Cala, you heartless ogre, it's the best day of people's lives because it's one of the very few times they can get everyone they love in the same place. But I agree with you that they're way, way overplanned.
Damn, I have to go home, but I'd like to torment Cala about this a little more. Back soon!
The woman who married the guy who wrote that modern love column is a fucking genius. I bet he'll *totally* do housework.
That is to say, there's an entire industry dedicated to making women feel like trash if they don't have their bridal bouquet flown in from Ecudor.
I admit a national championship would be one hell of a party, but no one would be worrying about the length of a train.
Um, people, I suspect that *Cala's* attitude towards the wedding is *just fine.* It sounds like Cala's mom, on the other hand, needs to take a fucking chill pill.
I'm not stressed, just bewildered that people who don't normally go around in ballgowns have such considered opinions on train lengths.
The bridal industry is insane. My favorite moment was the florist who, when told that Mr. B. didn't want to wear a boutinere (or however that's spelled), said, "but how will people know who the groom is?!?"
"Um, because they're our friends and they've met him? And if they haven't, he'll be the one standing up at the front of the room getting married to me?"
It sounds like Cala's mom, on the other hand, needs to take a fucking chill pill.
Is the calabat not instructive here?
She's just excited; the calabat would get her more riled up.
You know what? If you skip all the nonsense, it'll turn out just fine.
(I gather you're actively planning? Have you tried delegating a discrete task or set of tasks to your mom, and then washing your hands of them? I told my mother to find and buy a cake. The cake she came up with was beyond nasty, but it kept her occupied and out of my hair.)
One of my friends is a producer on Bridezilla. Obviously, they don't take people on the show unless they're going to have crazy weddings, but in her experience the ones that go well are those that are organized like a party. The most common error people make, apparently, is not engaging the venue for late enough; it takes a while for a party to get going after all the business (the toasting, the bouquet-throwing, etc.) has been taken care of.
No, what's bewildering is that we're not actively planning. It's more like 'Calasister #2 said she liked blue' 'Oh, you can't have blue.' 'Calasister #1 sent me a picture of a dress she liked, it's a cute halter' 'Oh, but I don't think halter is appropriate'
This! From a normally sane woman!
I am fairly proud of the fact that my wife and I had two weddings with a total hassle factor far below the average rehearsal dinner. There may have been a certain amount of drama in between, but the weddings were easy.
Oh, and maddening on the feminist front?
Women:
HOW TO LOSE WEIGHT BEFORE YOUR WEDDING.
Men:
Don't forget to shave on your big day!
So, Cala, are you going to buy an engraved cake server? What about a garter? Are you doing the garter toss? Do you want a special throwing bouquet? What kind of cake topper are you going to have? What do you mean, you're not wearing a veil? What are your bridesmaids' colors? What do you mean, you only have one and you're letting her pick her own dress?
Ah, memories.
Oh! The other thing that my friend pointed out was that the wedding industry was actively taking advantage of people. Well, duh, but if you go to a bakery and order a wedding cake, it's guaranteed to be about four times as expensive as generic fancy cake for the some number of people. Same thing goes for wedding gowns, I think.
B, if you're my mom, can PK be the ring bearer?
(Why do bridesmaids have to look like escapees from prom?)
Is your song going to be Supercalafragilisticexpialidocious?
I was the only bridesmaid for one of my sister's weddings; I picked my own dress, which was a cool champagne-colored taffeta vintage cocktail dress. That is, it was very cool by the time it had split up the back during the pinata episode.
Sure, you can have PK.
I seriously advocate being *truly* traditional and letting the bridesmaids pick their own dresses. Used to be one's friends just wore their best dress. Tell 'em solid colors and the time/place of the wedding (evening? morning? church? park?) and give yourself one less thing to worry about. If they want to coordinate the colors and look like a chorus line, let *them* futz around with that crap.
The garter toss is one really good incentive for elopement, I think.
It's pretty insidious, too, just by managing expectations. If you want to give your sweetie a large engagment ring, like 2C, then you'll want to X, Y, and Z.
Of course, 2C is ridiculous, but now it's making 1C vs. .5C look a lot more reasonable now, isn't it?
Seriously. Since when is tossing one's garter anything other than hopelessly vulgar? Half these "traditions" are made up by people in order to sell you stupid shit.
I think I'm vetoing the garter toss. Or hamming it up. Haven't decided which yet.
Dr. Oops was my only bridesmaid, and showed up in a red and grey sheath of her own choosing. Worked out great.
On 'the Bridal-Industrial Complex will take shameless advantage of you' front, there's a lot to be said for just buying a dress, rather than a wedding dress. A nice wedding dress gets up to or past a grand astonishingly quickly -- for much, much less, you can find an off-the-rack party-dress/evening-gown that'll probably look better, if not so wedding-dressy.
I also object---strongly!---to professional photographers, or at least to the way they seem to behave at weddings. As though the bride will be really happy later that the photographer interrupted everyone every five minutes to organize them into awkward formations for dazed photographs. My favorite pictures from both of my sisters' weddings were candid, radiant, slightly out-of-focus, and taken by family members.
Oh, and the guy in the post sounds like he's unsubtle and trying too hard. ('Women like... big weddings! and sensitive writers! and... young and vigorous men like on Desperate Housewives')
92: All the performance stunts: garter, bouquet, cake-smashing? Bleah.
I think my parents would understand my eloping before they would understand cake-smashing.
I think if I didn't have a wedding dress, half of my family would die of some sort of shock. (Ivory? NO. White is traditional. blahhhhhhh.)
86 pwns, btw.
Actually, what this ad indicates is that men are still shy and repressed about wanting to be kept. The young man in question is trying very hard to rationalise wanting to be a mere gigolo after his parents forked out those tens of thousands for a Harvard degree, so he's trying to maintain a veneer of respectability - marriage, children, literary aspirations - instead of admitting he went to college to obtain a TB [toyboy] degree, not a BA.
He needs to brush up on cordon bleu cookery, make sure he has a dinner jacket that fits and hone his small talk and sexual prowess before he advertises.
Yeah, why do we have to have a garter when we invented lycra?
The worst hoax the Wedding-Industrial Complex foisted on us was the engagement ring. We're all agreed on that, right?
I seriously advocate being *truly* traditional and letting the bridesmaids pick their own dresses. Used to be one's friends just wore their best dress.
I'm convinced bridesmaids dresses are often picked to make the bridesmaids look as hideous as possible so the bride will look better by comparison.
I'm pretty sure it was the idea that everything must be covered in rare flowers or else baby jesus will CRY on a monogrammed napkin. But the engagement ring is a close second.
Also. Yesterday I was looking again at the recipe for shirin polow, which is apparently the traditional Iranian wedding food. Except that every Iranian person I've ever talked to about it thinks it's nasty. What's wrong with chicken, orange, and carrot rice? Something like three cups of sugar, that's what. Well, couldn't we just leave out the three cups of sugar? Apparently, that is not an option. So shirin polow is served at all of these events, it's nasty, and nobody ever considers making it not nasty because the nastiness is traditional. It's things like this that make me happy not to come from an ancient civilization.
I don't even own a wedding ring. I hate rings, watches, etc., so I told my wife not to bother buying one. I think her family was a bit taken aback by that, but they survived nicely.
I am in profound agreement about ditching every bit of wedding nonsense you can get your hands on, but Cala is also so right that the problem often comes in with the choice of: deal with acres of wedding nonsense, or deal with months of upset parents? We were a combination of lucky enough and callous enough to get away with a lot of nonsense-ditching, and for that I am forever grateful. Plus it was a wonderful bonus to be continually astonishing wedding professionals with how low-maintenance we were. I am not normally a paragon of laid-back-itude, in most contexts, so that was fun. Let's hear it for the soft prejudice of low expectations!
I read a delightful ad once that went something like: "Two mod girls looking for older man to take them shopping and buy them major home appliances. Nothing sexual. No weirdos." Like, hey, there's a chance there's someone out there who would totally jump at this, why not see if he reads the personals!
Let's hear it for the soft prejudice of low expectations!
I must have mentioned this before, but when I was a child, my father promised each of us daughters that he'd pay us five thousand dollars if we eloped. He now claims that he wasn't serious, but that, friend foxtailshrub, is low expectations.
So what constitutes a 'big wedding'? The extent of involvement of the Wedding-Industrial Complex, or the number of people in attendance? We escaped most of the predations of the WIC by having a pretty DIY ceremony, but we still had like, 200 people and a sung Latin Mass (Byrd Mass for Four Voices -- pants-wettingly tasteful).
I think it's more the former than the latter.
104: That sounds a little like ambrosia. Ambrosia is a dessert salad served at Thanksgiving (and maybe Easter and Christmas). Ambrosia is essentially fruit and marshmallows suspended in jello, and though its composition is infinitely variable, the color must be either green or pink. It's constitutionally disgusting, but Thanksgiving cannot take place without it.
Okay, then, I'm so relieved we had a small wedding.
I always elope. It may annoy the relatives, but it's so much easier and no one has dress input. Or objects to the pizza and green cheesecake w/little alien figures on it consumed in a Yale dorm room after-party.
The fanciest ceremony was the Official Domestic Partnering the Biophysicist and I had, where the city clerk's staff threw confetti and my Kid stood there muttering 'My parents are soooo weird'.
110: Not even fruit. Nasty canned oranges and maraschino cherries, and marshmallows, coconut, and something that makes it creamy (no jello in the recipe I know.)
No one but my sister ever eats it.
107: Awesome.
94 is right on. We lucked out and there was a black and white photo booth in the basement of our venue, which was so cool and unexpected, but even if there had not been, not having a professional photographer was sure the right choice for us.
In conclusion, I approve of the Jackmormon family wedding aesthetic.
What is "cakesmashing"? Is that when the bride/groom smooshes the cake into the other's face? (Because that's "cakesmooshing".)
113: Oh, I have no idea what's in that awful stuff. There's seriously no jello? It's what, dark sentiment that holds the shape? (For sure, Aunt Sylvie's recipe includes bitter recrimination.)
Oh, I know ambrosia. My grandmother seems to think we like it. The creamy ingredient is Miracle Whip, which I'm pretty sure my grandmother has to buy specially for for occasion since she does, in fact, know how to cook.
110: For a long time we did this with candied yams. No one liked them, but they had to be served at Thanksgiving. The dish got smaller and smaller over the years.
Smasher, if it has jello, then it's "jello salad"--not ambrosia.
114.--If I don't elope, I think I'm just going to have a picnic. If I'm feeling fancy, maybe I'll tell the guests that they don't need to bring food and drink.
Oh, who am I kidding? With my luck, I'll probably end up marrying someone who insists on a monstrosity of an event. Or, as seems more likely these days, whose mother so insists.
In a similar vein: Alpha male can change your life and Marriage and impregnate wife - m4mw - 24 NSFW.
I'm going to take JM's word for this, as arguing with a Mormon (other than Eldridge Cleaver) about whitepeople food is a recipe for getting schooled.
Here's an old, very good Edward Jay Epstein article from before he went crazy about where the diamond engagement ring tradition comes from -- it's rather amazing that in its current form it only dates back to 1938.
That is an excellent article. It answers two questions that had been vaguely nagging at my mind: 1) where the research for that largely dismal but full of interesting information 1980s romance novel I happened across came from, and 2) why there isn't a big used diamond market.
I don't understand, aside from the fact that they're categorically insane, why mothers think they ought to have so much say about weddings. Boundaries, people. The Year of Weddings a couple of years ago was pretty fascinating in the diversity of ways it was done. Everything from casual dress and porta-potties on top of a bluff in Utah to a Catholic ceremony in an Italian church, followed by a twelve course meal and fireworks. They were all awesome, too.
I don't understand, aside from the fact that they're categorically insane, why mothers think they ought to have so much say about weddings
'Traditionally' they're throwing the party. The couple are only getting married, not hosting -- the bride's parents are the hosts. This is in many modern weddings not true, but the vestiges linger.
My wedding was awesome -- it was at Brooklyn Borough Hall, one witness. My favorite photo is of us posing in front of the sign that says, "Please don't throw rice. It is dangerous on the waxed floor."
I had an engagement ring, but only because it belonged to ex's grandmother. He told everyone that he won it in a poker game: "Robyn loved it when it was hers."
I think it was four weddings in five or six weeks a couple of years ago. And some other people got married that year too. It was the year of weddings.
Note: Willing to be a trophy boyfriend for those interested parties who are already married.
Um... wtf?
Most Mormon weddings suck, and I don't think I'm being unfair when I write that. The actual ceremony takes place inside the temple, and almost nobody is supposed to come along for that part; only a very few close family members with temple recommends are allowed in, which means that my mom and dad were out in the parking lot with the rest of us when my oldest sister got married in the temple. Afterwards there's usually a reception, but 90% of the time, Mormons hold it in the "cultural hall" of their church--because it's free--and usually only the old biddies of the local ward show up--because everybody knows that Mormon weddings suck--and people eat sandwichs and drink fruitjuice-and-Sprite punch for an hour and then go home.
There are some wedding traditions that really do just suck.
Also, ogged, take a look at my 104; is my sample size too low?
JM, if shirin pollow is the only thing you serve, you're sadistic and cruel (I've had good shirin pollow, but it's very rare). You make it, you put it out to satisfy tradition, but if you're having an Iranian wedding, you also have piles and piles of other dishes.
Yeah, but does anybody actually consider not adding the three cups of sugar?
I'll ask my mother, but then you'll have to marry me.
I cannot understand a wedding reception without an open bar.
I used to be able to make and roll out dough for pie crusts. What happened?
I'll be going, probably, to some reception or whatever for a Mormon wedding early next year. Do you think they'd mind if I brought in some alcohol in a flask?
JM, my mom says you can call her if you'd like to know more about how to make shirin pollow. But here's the comment box version: she adds pistachios, almond slivers, raisins, burberries, orange rind, and some saffron, but no sugar. Hers is really good and people love it, but she's also the best cook of Iranian food ever, so don't expect miracles.
Well, that won't do, then. Maybe your mafia could somehow get in touch with this lady.
I used to be able to make and roll out dough for pie crusts. What happened?
Did you start using shortening? That's apparently the pie-making equivalent of going over to the dark side.
119- you don't like candied yams? What the fuck is the matter with you? Unless your family makes them wrong somehow.
Also, I can't believe it took until 130 for someone to mention by far the weirdest line of the ad.
139 posted before I saw 138, obviously.
Yeah, I know of that lady, and a lot of her recipes are very good, but skewed toward Tehrani cooking, which tends to be sweeter. You have to have the sugar then? My mom was totally serious about calling her.
what is a burberry?
A plaid berry.
she adds pistachios, almond slivers, raisins, burberries, orange rind, and some saffron, but no sugar
Now that sounds delicious.
Your mother, ogged, has obviously seen the light about the added sugar (and seems to be in the next room). Batmanglij's more traditional (I guess) recipe calls for both julienned carrots and 2 cups sugar, which I thought very excessive. Nothing about barberries, which would probably be a very good addition.
I don't have any specific reason to want to make a shirin pollow, except the general challenge of seeing nothing wrong with the recipe that taking a bunch of sugar out wouldn't fix. And tell your mom she's not getting rid of you so easily.
137: that's what the space backstage at the cultural hall is for, though the lime sherbet punch could probably do with a good spiking and no one would know better.
Cala is also so right that the problem often comes in with the choice of: deal with acres of wedding nonsense, or deal with months of upset parents?
The unmentioned alternative is to have reasonable parents.
136 is dead on, although at my wedding one of my wife's cousins got drunk enough that (a) she was cut off (from further alcohol) by her parents, (b) threw up in the bathroom, and (c) spent a fair amount of time on the dance floor sidling up to various men for some grinding and crotch-grabbing. Nice.
In other words, know your relatives.
One vote in favor of professional photographers. It helps to find the right photographer, obviously, for your vibe. Ours was fantastic, if a bit dour as she was getting divorced at the time.
Oh, jesus, I'm slow. No, don't let your mom call Batmanglij on my behalf.
That wasn't being a copycat, that was allusion.
We mostly opted for the reasonable parents, with a side of being willfully oblivious to their feelings.
Also, I can't believe it took until 130 for someone to mention by far the weirdest line of the ad.
And even now no one seems interested. I don't want to restart the infidelity discussion, but damn. What would a married woman even do with a "trophy boyfriend" (besides subsidize his lifestyle while he writes his novel, of course)?
I know a photographer whose friends asked him to photograph their wedding. He gave them two conditions: he would only shoot black and white film, and he would not look through the viewfinder for any of the shots.
Apparently the pics turned out really cool.
Tehrani cooking, which tends to be sweeter
That really goes a long way towards explaining how my honey and his family were so happy about that saffron rice pudding (1 cup rice, 3 1/2 cups sugar) that I made very exactly to her recipe and found to be entirely inedible.
1 cup rice, 3 1/2 cups sugar
Good God.
Good wedding pictures are great, to be sure. (I just hate most photos of me, and it was nice not having to think about it.) Another thing we did away with was assigned seats, which made me really happy.
Obviously you put up a trophy boymistress in his own apartment, give him diamonds, and visit him periodically for hot sex and pitchers of martinis.
But how can he be a "trophy" if he's secluded off where no one can see him? That's the part I don't get. I suspect the guy hasn't really thought this through.
Do you think they'd mind if I brought in some alcohol in a flask?
My young w-lfs-n, this depends quite a bit on the sort of Mormon whose reception you're being invited to attend and on the sort of impression you would like to leave. If it's a mostly standard Mormon reception, you won't even have enough time to get drunk; they don't last more than a couple of hours, and people under the age of fifty tend to leave fairly quickly after paying their respects. On the other hand, drinking during a Mormon wedding reception is probably the easiest way to become an instant hooligan whom nobody can imagine that anyone would have invited on purpose, so there's that incentive for you.
Trophy boymistress, as rftshrub describes it, sounds like a pretty good gig.
I think "trophy" as the dude from the ad is using it means "kept."
164: Sacvan Bercovitch tells a great story about lighting a cigarette in a bathroom at Brigham Young, where he was an invited guest. Instant hooligan cred.
Well, you can take him out to parties, probably at your favorite high-end speakeasy. Or, like, Kill Whitey dance parties with Cocorosie.
Oh, I loved Bercovitch before that anecdote, but now I love him more.
JM, my mom was serious about you, JM, calling my mother, if you wan to know how to make her shirin pollow.
probably at your favorite high-end speakeasy
I wanna go here.
Good news, all! The top crust came out basically flawlessly and I know what the problem had been with the bottom one. I'm pleased onece again to be able to offer myself as a trophy husband—I can make pies and puns.
There's something to be said for making a big deal of a wedding if you like putting together big projects. Working out the details of ours felt like a half-time job for a couple of months beforehand, and we relied heavily on the generosity of friends, like the photographer who offered to shoot the thing for free (in B&W, da) the chef who catered it for a song, and the choir we belonged to at the time. Oh, and the coolest priest ever. But it turned out so well that everyone loved it and we were unfazed when our wedding cake failed to arrive (as I think I mentioned in the thread when the Unfoggetariat was suggesting menus to help that one guy score).
I'm sure she was, ogged, but deep down I really do have a weird cultural embarrassment about contacting near-strangers in order to get things. Just knowing that there is an Iranian woman out there whose less sugary shirin pollow is still recognizable by other Iranians as shirin pollow is already quite enabling.
What, exactly, is preventing ogged from getting the recipe from his mom?
I'm sure it's at least a page and a half long, with little suggestions at every step.
What, exactly, is preventing ogged from getting the recipe from his mom?
It's an interactive thing, getting a recipe from my mom.
You do have a blog. You could set her up with a comment thread.
If it's like getting a recipe from my mom, half of the instructions are like:
'How much sugar?'
'Not too much, about two seconds' worth.'
'How much oregano?'
'I usually cup it in my hand and put that in.'
'How much basil?'
'Enough.'
178 is apparently the same process my dad went through getting recipes from his mother. "Do such and such until it's ready".
Oh, parents!
more and more, my recipe instructions are becoming like 178.
I think the last recipe of mine I gave someone was like that, actually. Which only stands to reason.
54: Glad to hear you're working on that. I'd be interested in hearing about the results, and a New York meetup would've been good even if you weren't coming for a really interesting reason. Do you have time?
One of my best recipes--for soupe au pistou--was taken down at a bar counter; the measurements in poignées.
the measurements in poignées.
The measurements are in poignés.
I really want to curse the person who guilt-tripped me into thinking that providing diacriticals were necessary in internet communications, except that it was CharleyCarp, who really is a good person.
Someone should start a thread about the rock-song genre of post-breakup putdown songs. These generally seem to be the most genuinely emotional rock songs to me.
What a funny thing it is to click in, nearly randomly, and find one's name. I may be a good person -- I'm not making any claims one way or the other -- but I'm obviously a very bad comedian.
Maybe I can do a little better as a mindreader: someone is thinking, at this very moment, I wish that for just one time, you could stand inside my shoes, and just for that one moment I could be you . . .
I already feel terrible. ogged's mom has prepared herself up to get a random phone call from some random person who wants to know about her shirin pollow recipe, and now I'm raising objections about calling.
Well, she's gone to bed now, but she'd be thrilled if you called her sometime.
Charley, you did make fun of my lack of diacriticals at a moment when Ga. Far. could do what he does best, and since then, I've felt almost obliged to try, at least. But really nobody, however good, is to blame for my typos.
ogged, what part of "deep-seated cultural embarrassment" don't you understand?
I'm not insisting, JM, just saying that you shouldn't feel bad on account of my mom, and that it won't be "too late" if you call some other time. I understand every part of "deep-seated cultural embarrassment."
You're killing me. Send an email to the suddenly enabled email addy, and I'll take advantage of your mother, to make her happy. God, I am SUCH a sucker for mothers.
And just like that, the email address disappears! Wouldn't this magic trick have been simpler if JM had just emailed ogged?
I just play along, b-dub, and try not to be a little bitch.
190 -- I did, and immediately regretted it. It sounded funier, more light-hearted in my head. If it's any consolation, I remeber the wrong I done you everytime I write out the name of America's Tropical Gulag Paradise without the accent.
Now, though, I'm absolutely on the warpath. On the literature thread, I linked the new book by my cousin Mark St. Amant. There's a review on the Amazon site in which he is referred to, repeatedly, as Amant.
His middle name isn't 'Street'?
Actually the easiest thing to save on is flowers, I thought. Just tell the florist "lots of greens and whatever's in season," and it's surprisingly affordable. I'd go for hiring a photographer, preferably some photography student or friend of a friend who'll charge you a flat fee and let you keep the film.
Regarding the wedding dress, could I recommend the sentimental borrowing of an older friend or family member's dress? Potentially quite beautiful, probably very meaningful to you both, especially if the lender had/has a happy marriage. I did this, and together with the fact that I left every detail of the planning of my wedding to my mom (I lived across the continent, but both my and my husband's families were on the east coast) meant that my wedding only had as much stress as committing to a lifetime relationship inevitably brings.
My sister's gonna save big on her wedding, being both a chef and a former photography student.
My wedding dress recommendation is find a picture of something you like, then hire a seamstress to make you a copy of it. I got a $4000 dress for $700 that way. *And* it was silk, instead of whatever fake-ass fiber most wedding dresses are made out of.
200: Both of my mom's sisters wore her wedding dress at their own weddings, and my sister will probably do the same if it lasts. It's a great dress but in need of some repair.
I have the good fortune to be surrounded by photographers. I'd have trouble choosing just one for my wedding.
203: Love that. My twins were baptized in my parents' christening gowns.
She got it pretty cheap, too; I think it was actually designed as a wedding dress, but it was near the bottom end of the market. It's a lot more elegant than most wedding dresses.
My wife wore an inexpensive pink linen dress* at our wedding and I wore jeans. I somewhat regret the jeans now, though. I look dorky in our wedding photos and she looks great.
* crappy low-res photo
Agreed to what? The crappiness of the photo resolution or the dorkiness of the photographatus? Or merely the greatness of the photographata, on which I assume we are all in agreement?
I agree to the dorkiness of the appearance of the photographati and the greatness of the photographatae.
That photo aside, I am actually a handsome, suave motherfucker*, of course.
*modest too!
On the other hand, drinking during a Mormon wedding reception is probably the easiest way to become an instant hooligan whom nobody can imagine that anyone would have invited on purpose, so there's that incentive for you.
I second the suckiness of Mormon weddings. But, there's not infrequently hot young women at these things whose idea of rebellion just might be to whore it up a bit with the hooligan. Surreptitiously offer a drink to the ones who look bored.
I bet "wanna whore it up a bit with the hooligan" is a great pickup line.
Just tell the florist "lots of greens and whatever's in season," and it's surprisingly affordable.
The truth of this statement depends a lot on your florist. We ended up doing our own flowers because the rates they were charging were so ridiculous. To save money, we asked the florist to just deliver the flowers, not set them up, and deputized R's mom to set up all of the arrangements.
My wedding was awesome -- it was at Brooklyn Borough Hall
Hey, Dagger! I have the boringest meeting ever once a week in that building. Frequently, as I'm on my way in the elevator up to the meeting, I contemplate grabbing some random stranger and going to get married instead, as that sounds like so much more fun than going to my meeting. I think that would liven up the day.
and people eat sandwichs and drink fruitjuice-and-Sprite punch for an hour and then go home.
There are some wedding traditions that really do just suck.
Teatotal Protestants in general, not just Mormons, run, or did, to this style. My sister's first wedding, the only one my parents ever planned, was just like that.
I remember reading, in Joan Didion somewhere, a character say dismissively, "They're the kind of people who don't drink at weddings," and thinking, "But that's us!" I had thought it was normal.
Although there is something to be said for a wedding tradition that doesn't require going into debt.
I am completely amused imagining a conversation between Jackmormon and Ogged's mom.
Particularly on the subject of a traditional Iranian wedding dish. Based on no actual knowledge of Ogged's mom, I would expect heavy investigation of and advice relating to Jack's guy.
And, to second washerdreyer, if you have time and want to get together for a drink or something while you're in town, m. leblanc, drop us a line!
Hey w/d, actually, I might have time to meet up. Short notice though. Anyone in?
(for anyone who hasn't figure it out yet, I'm the commenter formerly known as silvana)
It all depends on whether I can find an affordable hotel in the next, um, 24 hours. I haven't even bought a plane ticket yet. Supposedly the school's going to reimburse me, but what if they don't! Tickets are at about $400 now.
What day is this for? I've got a sofa-bed you could crash on -- we're an annoyingly long commute to downtown, but cheaper than a hotel.
Um, tomorrow night? That is, Wednesday.
m. leblanc, you're welcome to stay with me if you needed it. It would be in very close quarters, either on a (big) sofa in the living room or on a trundle bed in my room, which is windowless and lime green. Uh, we have mice. I'm not saying it's the nicest place to stay, just that you're welcome to it.
Here's a 2-star hotel for $129. With shared bath.
oh, pwned by LB. Her place is probably nicer.
Seriously, I may take one of you guys up on that. Other question: how long will it take me to get from LaGuardia to Midtown? The meeting's at 12:30 and I'm trying to figure out which flight I should take.
You could crash at my place if you'd like, too. I have a glamorous inflatabed.
I also have the song lyric "Ogged's Mom has got it goin' on" in my head now.
Er, it's strewn with toys, inconveniently located, and chances are I won't be home to hostess -- I'd be throwing you at Buck (who is always delighted to put up random people). But email both of us and we'll figure out who's more convenient.
I won't be home till after nine either, though. Becks may be the best choice, and she's downtown.
If you schedule an hour, that should be pretty comfortable at that time of day. Of course, that assumes the plane's on time.
Okay, so who can meet up for a drink tomorrow evening?
I also can offer you a place to stay in Brooklyn, m. Leblanc (kind of a separate room off my bedroom, with couch). It's about 45 minutes to midtown. If not, I would still be up for a meetup on Wed.
As per my usual, I can maybe -- don't plan around me, but I'll try to show.
Alright, I just bought my plane ticket. The meetup is a go.
I have to go to class now, but I'll be around later to discuss (and also maybe impose on one of you lovely people for a couch or glamorous inflatabed).
229: are you pronouncing it "og-ged"? Because now I am.
120: Regardless of any turn that the conversation has taken, I wish to indicate that ambrosia does not--most certainly not--include jello or miracle whip. Ambrosia is called ambrosia because it has some pretensions to tasting ambrosial. If it had Miracle Whip, it would have to be called Synthetic-Inappropriate-Sweetness or something.
One can make ambrosia thusly:
Grate some fresh coconut, or get some good ready-grated from the co-op. Add maybe a half cup to a cup of pineapple, fresh or canned, with some juice. Add some orange pieces and good cherries and some coarsely chopped pecans, maybe toasting them first. Add a little sugar, cautiously. Let it sit in the refrigerator for a while. This receipe is very much on the lines of Eileen Gunn's Ideologically Labile Fruit Crisp in its organization, and is very tasty.
You can also make a trashy-tasty version with coconut, canned mandarin orange slices, those little jarred cherries, fruit cocktail and mini marshmallows.
It's also pretty much vegan if you leave out the marshmallows, which will make it the perfect dish to bring to the revolution.
240 - No, still one syllable, just dragging out the "ogg" and clipping the "ed" a bit.
So where are we having this meetup, folks? Actually, I'll put that on the front page in case people aren't reading the comments, especially since it's so last minute.
125: I attribute the maternal crazines about weddings -- at least among my own mother's generation -- to overcompensating for their own weddings in the '60s and '70s, when they all got married in a park and invited 6 people. Also, in the specific case of my mother's group of friends, to peer pressure that puts junior high to shame.
