"Hey, gang!" I squeaked in my terrifically accurate Mickey voice. "Everybody ready to shoot the ultimate Disney flick? The film that rips the lid off the goody two-shoes hypocrisy that lies sweltering beneath the surface of G-rated true-life adventures? Okay, you guys, let's get that hand-held Arriflex right down there between Minnie's legs! I wanna see closeups of quivering labia!"
Okay, first, that film is hardly even porn. I'm massively disappointed. Second, Disney has *always* been obsessed with ass shots in its cartoons. Seriously. The animals are *always* going bottoms up, having their asses reamed, poked, goosed, wahtever. It's one of the things that bugs me most about Disney.
In other words, your average Disney cartoon is more porny than that video.
You're not having a good day, are you, B?
I just realized it's because I skipped the fucking effexor two days running. I have *got* to get into some kind of schedule.
I apologize for my crazy-ass brain chemistry.
And, in this case, crazy ass-brain chemistry.
I got some weird mashup due to a problem with the ifilm player. The orgy started playing, then an ad for Flags of our Fathers came on over it with the orgy sounds still in the background. Then back to the orgy, but about a minute from the end some other video about Lakers rap came on, still with the orgy sounds overlaid. Quite a trip.
No, that's Disney's problem. My *ass* is fine.
what I have always hated most about Disney is the plot-device where they kill the mother in the first three minutes. Talk about ratcheting up insecurities.
Anyhow--you guys must know the old joke about Mickey wanting to get a divorce fromMinnie?
Judge: "I'm sorry, Mister Mouse, but you can't divorce your wife simply because she's mentally unstable."
Mickey: But I didn't say she was mentally unstable, your honor, I said she was fucking Goofy!
To be fair kid- Disney didn't kill Mommy, the original author did. For the drama, you know. Who wants to see a story about a happy family?
I am so primed to expect something that begins with "Have you heard about the..." to be a joke. I was of course anticipating the "fucking Goofy" story.
Well, the dead or absent mother is pretty necessary for any story about children and independence and fears and conflict. B/c the role of mother is to protect kids from all that, and she has to leave the picture somehow for them to grow up. It's hard to write a story where mommy says, "it's time for you to be on your own" and abandons the kid to face the scary monsters; much less threatening to have her die, if you think about it.
What you guys really should be fretting over is the fact that it's not dad who has to be killed off, since he's such a non-issue to begin with.
Don't they **Lion King spoiler** kill off the dad in the Lion King?
Does that really count as a spoiler a decade and a half later?
Certainly every single game of pretend I played with my (very limited group of) kid friends kicked off with "okay, so our parents are dead..."
14: I think I know why the group was limited, Creepy.
I thought Ogged was going to be talking about this particular ass-brain chemistry romp. I don't think you can make out Goofy's ass flaps in that version, though.
Ha! So yesterday. Wally Wood did it better.
Steve & I apparently had the same art education. Another reason to judge people on their books...
I'm totally one of the Shadow Commission of Seven Dwarves. Creepy, Crawly, Eerie, Spooky, Gloomy, Unheimlich, and Frock.
12: But that's b/c that story is about inherited privilege, which is it's own fucked-up kettle of fish.
I offer as evidence Where the Wild Things Are. The mom doesn't die, but she does send the kid to his room. It's a great book, as all of his are, b/c it manages to provide both safety (in the end, dinner/mom is there) and freedom, largely b/c the stories take place in imagined space rather than the real world. Harry Potter works for the same reason--even without the dead parents, you have boarding school (and Ron Weasley's mom is a nice maternal substitute, just as Dumbledore is a paternal figure). I think a lot of the key stuff in kid's fiction/stories is about managing that tricky plot problem of how do you get the kid into an independent space, when in the real world parents are always there, hovering?
One-minute pwnage, woo. From where I'm sitting, Dom, I can see two Little Nemo collections, a bunch of Chris Ware, the Smithsonian Book of Comic Book Comics, and some Batman, but I don't think any Wally Wood. Maybe in my Spirit collections upstairs.
I just got up and checked -- Wally's "Superduperman" from MAD is in the SBoCBC.
I'm curious as to how you would judge me based on my living room. Judge! Judge!
I'm totally one of the Shadow Commission of Seven Dwarves. Creepy, Crawly, Eerie, Spooky, Gloomy, Unheimlich, and Frock.
Awesome. My favorite is Frock, though I suspect it's a joke I don't get.
It's my favorite, too, but there's no particular reference you might be missing (except for the fact that it rhymes with "Doc"). The funny is obscure also to me.
This is a very sad and accurate portayl of modern French society. 1/5 French are Muslims and after seeing crap like this it is not surprising why they are in that demographic.
They should feel ashamed but I doubt if they are capable of experiencing shame, an emotion which can elevate one to avoid such assanine behavior.
24: My assumption was that Frock was either a sleazy priest or a really tired drag queen.
Spooky got replaced by Scabby last year, you know.
There's always the device of the kid who has to rescue the parent--Wrinkle in Time; Haroun and the Sea of Stories. But the rarest, it seems to me, is the story where the parent and the kid are co-adventurers, and for whatever reason, the parent isn't straightforwardly the boss or authority on the adventure. Not many stories like that, but there's nothing impossible about the narrative, it seems to me.
Not many stories like that, but there's nothing impossible about the narrative, it seems to me.
Hippie.
Actually, that would be a great storyline, given that that's actually pretty much what childrearing is like.
where the parent and the kid are co-adventurers
It's been quite a while, but I remember Danny, Champion of the World, by Roald Dahl, being something like that.
However much you may think you loathe Disney, you have to have children before your loathing can be complete.
29: Maybe, but what you said in 20. Who wants grownups around?
Sometimes you have to get the Huggies, because that's all you can get, which means you have to get the Disney. I fantasized about Huggies with the Disney on the outside and a picture of Michael Eisner on the inside.
31: I actually don't loathe Disney. I genuinely think Lilo and Stitch is a good movie, albeit fairly violent, and I like Beauty and the Beast and basically most of your Disney videos. Also Disneyland and PotC. If it takes over your life, that would be teh suck, but in reasonable doses, really, it's not all that bad.
It helps that PK has realized that Happy Meal toys are crap and actually left the last one sitting on the table in McD's when we left.
Okay, I'll confess that I haven't seen the last few years of Disney movies, because I've long been too pissed off about the corporation, the sexist images (even more so now that I have daughters) and the relentless happification of fucking everything. Concerning this last point, I trust you've seen the trailer for the greatest, happiest Disney film of all, with Molly Ringwald as the voice of Anne Frank.
The Pixar movies I actually liked, but I think it mostly comes down to less singing.
Pixars are good, but I have a hangup about the total lack of female protagonists. What, they've done seven movies now, and still none of the imaginary main characters are girls? Puhleeze.
Seriously, Jesus. Watch Lilo and Stitch. Totally not sexist, not happified, and really quite fun and socially aware. Of course, it was a flop, money-wise, but hey, what are you gonna do.
there's a great, if sad, book called the mouse and his father (I think). they are wind-up toys joined at the hands.
The mouse and his child, by Russell Hoban. Great, indeed.
As per Matt F's earlier comment, Danny, the Champion of the World does have a parent and child as co-adventurers aesthetic. Also, it's great. Poaching rocks.
However much you may think you loathe Disney, you have to have children before your loathing can be complete.
Word. Although I don't have it too bad. My kids have better taste than most. My seven year old loves Jaws, and has watched First Blood with me several times since she was 5 or 6. "Rambo has a big knife. He warns people with it."
Danny, the Champion of the World does have a parent and child as co-adventurers aesthetic. Also, it's great.
Indeed. I spent ages plotting to catch pigeons by drugging them with spiked raisins after I read it. Then I realized that (a) I had no idea how to get the necessary sleeping pills and (b) what was I going to do with the pigeons?
Does anyone else remember being severely freaked out by the Bionic Woman episode in which someone evil replaced Jamie with a robot? I think it took my mom a solid week to convince me that she would be able to figure it out if I were switched.
every single game of pretend I played with my (very limited group of) kid friends kicked off with "okay, so our parents are dead..."
My nearly 4 yr old niece has started telling stories about her dolls which always begin "Her Mommy died ..."
So young, yet so Gothy.
44: No, but I do vividly remember getting a really, really weird and unfamiliar feeling during the Batman episode where Robin got eaten by the giant clam.
I imagine it does, but I'm not sure exactly what.
Psst -- stay away from the seafood.
46: Dr. Freud would have much to say about this.
As Dr. Freud is dead, perhaps Dr. Bridgeplate could fill in for him.
Part of what deeply bothers me about Disney is how nowadays they try to be sensitive (can you paint with all the colors of the wind, honky?) but end up being just as culturally insensitive as when they were flat out racist (what makes the red man red?) The Hunchback of Notre Dame was really about acceptance of people with disabilities, after all. And the characters are all reed thin and frilly plus one extra characteristic. See, Belle is a bookworm!
Lilo & Stitch was great, partially because everytime there was a message, something silly and destructive happened. Also because the older sister looked like a normal teenager, not a barbie doll.
She was still kinda Barbie-esque. But Lilo was a little girl, not a hyper-beautified teen, which I thought was terrific.
Not as Barbie as any of the previous ones. Nani even had a bit of a belly. She could have kicked Ariel's ass.
True -- she looked Polynesian, in that she was an idealized sexy big strong girl, rather than an idealized sexy waif.
51 is right. Lilo's big sister *was* awfully pretty, but she also had a tummy and some serious hips and thighs. And I love the way they fight.
Am I the only one here who really likes Mulan?
Also, I actually like The Lion King despite the squickiness of some of the underlying message. Extra bonus: the mom survives! (though is largely irrelevant to the drama).
What, they've done seven movies now, and still none of the imaginary main characters are girls?
What about The Incredibles?
(I think you could also make an argument that the big lamp in Luxo Jr. is a mother-figure.)
55: It captures exactly how sisters argue, in my experience, when one is babysitting and the other is a strong-willed six-year-old. Including the strange insults.
The primary character in the Incredibles are Mr. Incredible, whose emotional arc is really pretty much central to the story. I mean, being as it's a family it's got a mom and they did do a pretty decent job with Violet, but nonetheless.
Yes, but the Mom is the one who saves the Dad, albeit with the help of the kids, who really don't yet understand their powers.
I know, they're really *trying* for the balance thing. But still, it's not like "competent mom and lovable but sorta dorky dad" is a really cutting-edge plot. Watched any sitcoms lately?
I really hate that plot device. Bur Mr. Incredible was hiding his competence, which is different. FWIW, The Incredibles has become one of my favorite movies. My kids watch it all the time, and I usually sit down and watch with them. Favorite scene, when Dash discovers he can run on water.
I think my favorite scene is with Violet finally getting her forcefields to work, followed by the hamster-ball scene through the jungle. Either that or when the baby ignites.
The bonus short on the DVD about the babysitter and Jack-Jack was worth the price of the whole thing.
FWIW, The Incredibles has become one of my favorite movies.
Good movie, but Iron Giant is better.
I actually dislike the Incredibles, but won't go into it now b/c I'm about to go out to dinner. Iron Giant, however, is fantabulous.
66: Although I'm sick unto death of movies that purport to issue the shocking news that within suburban America a seething dark heart of perverse corruption and ennui throbs (seethingly), I do love that movie. I blame Joseph Cotton. Although I guess people playing with the theme before Peyton Place are automatically exempt.
