Wasn't there recently an article about how dolphins aren't nearly as smart as we'd thought? Which would mean they probably can't give informed consent.
Which would mean they probably can't give informed consent.
And without opposable thumbs, it's hell getting them to sign the waiver forms.
As much as it would amuse me if this guy were to be eaten by dolphons like the grizzly dude, it's probably not going to happen. Maybe if God loves me a dolphin will at least bite his dick off or something.
People, this does not sound like learning life lessons.
3: A male dolphin can sign the waver form with his prehensile penis.
Although, as one person I told about this website observed this weekend, he says his partner comes first and he sticks around to cuddle but how can you be sure? Like the dolphin can contradict his story?
4 -- only in the sense in which Rick Santorum uses the term.
8 pwns.
And not in the sense of having technical problems with causing it to be displayed on my screen.
w/d: try this. It will help if your trouble is being caused by a corporate net filter.
13 written before I saw 12.
On reflection, 11 is probably thw wisest response to this post.
I can't read that.
no problem dude
A couple of times she pulled me forward into the deeper water, but eventually I got my self to the shallows. I dislodged my foot (Being careful not to pull too hard), and took her gently by a pectoral fin and rubbed her belly just to aclimatize her, I guess. She immediately rolled belly up and started doing pelvic thrusts against the palm of my hand. It was unmistakebly erotic, and by now I was fully aroused.I stripped off my shorts, and gently pulled her into the shallows until she was lying on her side, her belly facing towards me, half submerged in the water. I nestled myself belly to belly against her, and pressed my member against her genital slit. She immediately arched her body against mine, and took me inside her body, initiating a quick series of muscular contractions with her vaginal muscles. I wrapped my left arm around her body and just held her close while she manipulated me inside her body, until I climaxed barely 2 minutes later. Surprisingly, her body also shuddered against mine, and we spent the next 5 or so minutes just lying together in the shallows, holding each other, enjoying our company and revelling in the fact that we had shared something special together, something very few people can claim to have done.
No thank you's necessary.
Ted Mooney's Easy Travel to Other Planets opens with a sex scene between a male dolphin and a human woman. I seem to recall that it's a bit vague on the logistical details, however.
Not underwater, but Stanley Elkin's "The Making of Ashenden" is memorable for its depiction of a sexual encounter between an upper-class twit and a very... masterful she-bear. I believe her utterances are rendered in IPA, which is rad.
Apparently the human female role in dolphin-human relationships has not been fully developed yet, leaving a a big opportunity open for unfoggedettes. Step one: learn to hold your breath for 15 minutes.
16 -- "aroused" s/b "engorged".
learn to hold your breath for 15 minutes
Aqualung?
18: I can't remember where I read this, and so I don't know that it's credible or true, but I have the impression that female dolphin trainers/researchers often find themselves the object of sexual attention from male dolphins.
A bio professor of mine once said something like that, LB, though I can't remember if the dolphins were that discriminating as regards gender.
As weird as this is, it's not a patch on the guide to having sex with cars.
Okay, I was able to read it, and I'm sorry.
Will no one mention Troy McClure?
Joe D! What, are you high-hatting us?
So, setting aside whether we think this guy is somehow damaged and doesn't want or can't handle human relationships, is there anything actually wrong with what he's doing (and I don't mean technique)?
The link in 22 is pretty hilarious. Do dolphins ever have sex with cars? Do androids (who are into bestiality) fuck electric sheep?
Life lesson: if you brag about climaxing 'barely two minutes later', you shouldn't be giving out sex advice.
So, setting aside whether we think this guy is somehow damaged and doesn't want or can't handle human relationships, is there anything actually wrong with what he's doing (and I don't mean technique)?
It's always hard for me to get past that these guys sound like child molesters. "That dolphin/pre schooler was totally coming on to me."
Hasn't Peter Singer come out in favor of non-cruel beastiality? I don't see much of a reason to object to this on non-theological or esthetic grounds -- presumably the dolphins (I haven't actually clicked through to read it) were capable of getting away.
Guy's still a big freaky freak, though.
So much to say about that site, most importantly: 10-14 inches!
I now have a mental image of that famous beach scene in From Here to Eternity, just with a guy and a dolphin.
28: I got the impression he climaxed so quickly bc what the dolphin was doing just felt so damn good.
Joe D! What, are you high-hatting us?
I'm trying to re-assimilate here! Sorry I've been AWOL.
Hi Joe! I liked your play.
28: Yeah, got that. Still. It makes him sound more like an excitable teenager than someone who had a tender experience with a dolphin. Also, guys often can't figure out if their human partners orgasm, so let me just say I'm skeptical about the dolphin's shuddering.
30: This is maybe where virtue ethics has a point. We have a moral obligation not to be a freaky freak, so don't fuck the dolphins.
@30
Singer has said that bestiality is acceptable in some circumstances. Animals: you shouldn't eat them, but some times you can fuck 'em.
Interestingly many of Singers examples in that article also involved extremely intelligent animals, including gorillas and chimpanzees. According to Singer sometimes people who work with these animals find that the animals become sexually fixated on them and that it is often easier for everyone if you just let them have sex with you.
I'll take a stand here, though, and say that sex with dolphins is wrong, and it wrong because of the potential harm to the dolphin. We simply don't know enough about the cognitive life of a dolphin to know how this act will affect them. The issue isn't so much consent. It is hard to figure out what that means here. It is simply the emotional impact on a creature that obviously has an emotional life. The issue also isn't whether dolphins are "as smart as we thought" or whatever. At certain point, it becomes useless to rank animals on a single scale of intelligence anyway.
According to Singer sometimes people who work with these animals find that the animals become sexually fixated on them and that it is often easier for everyone if you just let them have sex with you.
Singer steps up with a truly idiosyncratic definition of 'easier for everyone' here.
30: If I remember the Peter Singer nerve article about bestiality, I thought the point was: If you're willing to treat animals in all the ways you're apparently willing to treat animals, then how can you object to (consensual) bestiality? At least, that's how I want to remember it.
That Singer article lead to a funny exchange at a White House briefing.
I'll take a stand here, though, and say that sex with dolphins is wrong, and it wrong because of the potential harm to the dolphin. We simply don't know enough about the cognitive life of a dolphin to know how this act will affect them.
Rob, if we applied the precautionary principle to all instances of bestiality, we would never have any bestiality at all.
@37 & 34
Yup, his understanding of 'easier for everyone' is weird. Honestly, the biggest problem with Singer is that he has really no clue about how to have a functioning emotional life, and thus a functioning moral life. And this gets to the need for a virtue ethic. There are solid utilitarian reasons not to be a freaky freak. If you simply follow Singer's life dictums, you will not maximize expected utility, because you will think like a space alien.
Animals: you shouldn't eat them, but some times you can fuck 'em.
My rules are slightly different.
There are solid utilitarian reasons not to be a freaky freak.
what kind of utilitarian?
i mean, Singer likes preference utilitarianism IIRC, but he rejects the other forms of util.
40: I think most of what Singer has accomplished is relevant to the small percentage of humanity who do not feel comfortable engaging in a normal human emotional life; it is not relevant to creating a moral philosophy for people with mainstream instincts. He convinced me that there is basically nobody whose instincts are so bizarre that they should be jailed or punished just for who they are, unless they cause harm to others.
This post's title seems naively optimistic.
"We have a moral obligation not to be a freaky freak"
man, so true. Perhaps only excelled by James' three rules of ethics, "be kind. be kind. be kind."
(His views about the origins of property-rights were similarly pithy: "location, location, location.")
"guys often can't figure out if their human partners orgasm"
so true. plus, it never seems to occur to him that she went off and told all her girl friends how incredibly *tiny* this guy's dick was.
I think that once we know more about the actual emotional needs of dolphins interspecies sex will become more justifiable. Perhaps dueing foreplay in really meaningful relationships it's an especially endearing gesture to pick the parasites out of their hard-to-get places with your teeth, for example.
42, 43:
Actually what I mean is that once you accept the basic principles of utilitarianism--such as consequentialism and some vague sense that good consequences are measured by the flourishing of sentient creatures--there is a strong argument for virtue utilitarianism. Check out this paper, for instance.
Singer fusses around with what kind of utilitarianism he endorses. In the first edition of Practical Ethics he suggested different sorts of utilitarianism for dealing with sapient and non sapient creatures. These days he is a straight preference utilitarian.
Singer has always struck me as a horrible example of the consequences (heh) of starting with a simple-minded rationality and then applying it systematically, combined with choosing topics to apply it to on the basis either of titillation value, or relevance to the pop issues of the day.
I think Singer is a great example of the advantages of applying single minded rationality to popular issues of the day, especially ones where people are almost universally irrational.
If nothing else, Singer has done a tremendous service to the world by revitalizing the argument from marginal cases
We have identified the evil anti-John-Emerson. (Good anti-John-Emerson is also a distinct possibility.)
50: "revitalizing the argument from marginal cases"
You mean, like, moral-support vector machines?
We have a moral obligation not to be a freaky freak.
Not so fast, there. I am not willing to accept this for all values of "freaky freak," considering that such things as oral sex and homosexuality were considered by many to be solidly in "freaky freak" territory until fairly recently. Indeed, some would still consider them so.
Peter Singer has a couple of things going for him. 1) He's straitforward and easy for most people to follow, 2) which is additionally good because therefore the audience which might be forced to deal with him, and thus indulge in some critical thought, is rather large, and 3) he infuriates baa.
of course, i'm sadly under-read on moral philosophy.
53 -- once we start allowing fellatio and buggery, it's a short step to man-on-porpoise.
. . . and a giant leap for man-on-porpoisekind.
man-on-porpoise
No, no, I banged that dolphin by accident. Anyhow, better to get frisky with a dolphin than with a shark.
bets on how long till a Republican congressman is caught with a dolphin?
Okay, setting aside the "um, relationships with people?" question (which is pretty easy to do, since who wants to have a relationship with a dolphin-fucker?), sure: *if* the guy's testimony of the thing is reliable, then fine. Nothing wrong with consensual dolphin-fucking. I'll go along with Singer on that one.
Primarily because it's such great evidence to bash the evo psych people with: "look! sex *is too* about something other than breeding! communication, intimacy--look them up."
Is there a name for using an argument from one set of crazy people to tear down an argument from another set of crazy people?
58: Now that would be a worthwhile "personal identification situation".
58 totally makes up for your views on smoking, Michael. Cracked me up.
The argument from marginal cases is a good thing?
Of course, I don't like the argument from brains in vats smoking and behaving badly at the wheel of runaway trolley cars either.
I'm pretty sure something has to be "the case" before it can be a "marginal case." Smoking Brains in Vats? Not The Case.
"you wouldn't want your wife or girlfriend to think she's got a lesser lover"
sigh....no, I wouldn't.
But when Flipper's got 10-14 inches of *prehensile* throbbing gristle...well, she's just going to think that, is all. Not much I can do about it. Except keep her away from dolphin single's bars.
sometimes people who work with these animals find that the animals become sexually fixated on them and that it is often easier for everyone if you just let them have sex with you
Reciting this aloud in a "Masterpiece Theater" accent is making me have gales of laughter. Try it, I say.
(Also: define "everyone" -- not necessarily the human being buggered by the animal, surely.)
"It would be easier for everyone if you just cooperated, little girl".
I like Singer's use of the phrase.
"Well, which way do you want it, honey? The easy way or the hard way"?
Coming attraction: "I was a Dolphin's Sex Slave".
My sister and her friend went to Australia several years ago. Apparently there is a cove where people go to swim with the dolphins. When they got there, there was a big sign that warned against swimming with the dolphins, lest they rape you.
I'm a little surprised that 67 comments in, nobody has yet used the word "blowhole". For what it's worth, Dragon-Wolfe Dolphinn is rumored to be a sock puppet of Minnesota President.
Male dolphins only behave that way because evolution has caused them to lose the ability to masturbate, unlike other marine mammals.
It's wrong that 67 makes me happy, but it does.
Ned's video deserves a look. And a post of its own. NSFW I suppose.
You all might as well know that there's a photo of mouse necrophilia just one click away from the link in 68. Not something I'd ordinarily direct anyone to, but if you've made it this far, go knock yourself out, you poor sick dolphin-rape enthusiasts.
Mouse necrophilia? Why did you have to tell me that? Now I'm curious, but there's no way I want to see it, and even knowing it's there makes me feel all sad.
Shit, sorry, forgot about you and mice and all. If it's any consolation, they don't look like pets. I'll resist the temptation to describe further.
Well now I want to know which link it is, you sick bastard.
Look, I warned you. It's the phrase "sex with dolphins," which takes you to the Wikipedia entry on animal sexuality (you have to scroll down to necrophilia). But one last warning: there's a mousetrap involved.
In case you're not searing your retinas with the image right now, I urge you to reconsider. I have to step outside for a smoke and try to purge the thing from my mind.
Aww, the poor mouse is mourning the loss of its little mouse partner. Sad.
Heh, it didn't actually bother me that much, although mousetraps are sad. But they do have the advantage of usually dispatching the poor things quickly, unlike those godawful glue traps people use.
That said, I'm going to go have a smoke my own damn self. Because nothing helps a head cold like smoking.
Yeah, I thought it was going to be a human trying to have sex with a dead mouse. What's pictured is just sad.
LeBlanc, I thought you were going to tell me about some new fancy shmancy cigarettes.
I thought it was going to be a human trying to have sex with a dead mouse.
Who's the sick bastard now?
I'm not going to tell you about them, I'm going to send you some, and you can see for yourself. Once I get my grubby little hands on some more.
the poor mouse is mourning the loss of its little mouse partner
I think he's trying to push it to the mouse hospital.
B., I'm working on an important philosophical question and need to know how many mouse orgasms equal one human orgasm. You seem like just the person to ask.
My brother says that mice caught in traps are soemtimes eaten by other mice. Let's not leap to conclusions.