What are you doing here, trying to erase the PC cred you might have accrued with the last post?
That tag cloud thing is awesome. Notice how in the nineteenth century "constitution" has a towering position that gets taken over by "economy" in the twentieth.
I was noticing how "war" seems to be in every single speech.
war is the health of the state
You know what's nifty about the tag cloud? Compare late-term Clinton with pre-9/11 Bush.
"Family" is huge during the Clinton era; didn't recall that.
Yeah, and notice how "terrorists" used to be "communists" used to be "Spanish" used to be "Indians." All post-1865.
Yup. Y'all are some warring, exterminating motherfuckers. I'm writing in "Noam Chomsky" in every race tomorrow.
"Vietnam" appears for the first time, as a small word, in the January 1966 State of the Union. It becomes the biggest word, by far, one year later. After that it gets gradually smaller and smaller before disappearing again as soon as Ford becomes president. It reappears occasionally after that.
A page dedicated entirely to hot female athletes.
"ogged time", usually scheduled for Tuesday P.M., has been moved up on account of the election.
Do we have to do this? No. But you insist.
Whatever, Ogged. How many Jews have you killed lately?
1, 12: Honestly, if I'm ever a hot athelete (maybe upon reincarnation...) and have my own photo shoot, I want everyone in the world to link to it and be jealous.
Hmph. That link was supposed to go to comment 40.
All post-1865.
The "Indians" bit goes back to Jackson (of course), with scattered mentions before him.
You can't just sprinkle self-awareness on the baked goods of tiresome behavior X and call it a satire of X. No, you could, but you'd be wrong.
What if you sun-dry your self-awareness, then use a cheese grater on it?
Any female pole vaulter is hot, no matter what she looks like.
I really feel that the list should include ellen macarthur.
I can't hear you, your butt is too big.
If you'd get your tongue out of my ass for a minute or two, maybe you could.
I can't hear you ... get your tongue out of my ass
And finally we unearth the elementary confusion at the root of B's distinctive style of argument.
Ogged, think about it. Under what circumstances would my enormous and beautiful ass make it impossible for you to hear what I'm saying?
Under no earthly circumstances at all, B.
A page dedicated entirely to hot female athletes.
Plus two auto racers and a billiard player. Even the non-athletes are pretty hot, though.
I'm willing to count auto-racing as a sport. It's physically demanding, and requires quick reflexes and great hand-eye coordination. It's as much a sport as being a jockey, for example, which is something else I'd consider a sport.
2 makes no sense in light of 28.
It's not a sport unless it has a ball. That's why bowling and pool are sports, but auto-racing and swimming are not.
Thanks for the Gaylord Definition of Sport, Brock.
"Being a jockey" is not a sport. Horse racing is a sport. Being a jockey is a job.
Pool, bowling, car-driving, horse-riding, and Big East football involve "games" but are not "sports." And video games aren't art. I don't know what kind of cock jockey can't see the distinction.
Shit, the world's about to end, and just before Pelosi gets the Speaker position.
You'll do *anything* to keep women down, won't you, Ogged?
I don't know why horse racing isn't a sport. Foot racing is, yes? The fact that horses, rather than people, are doing the running is the only distinction.
Car racing, on the other hand, isn't a sport, inasmuch as the racers are machines in the literal rather than the figurative sense.
So your definition of sport involves physical exertion by a living thing as a necessary condition? Seems a bit arbitrary.
Other than insisting that baseball isn't a sport, I'm not at all invested in sharply defining the term. I seem to recall B arguing about this before, and having quite insane ideas about what should count as a sport.
I'm willing to count auto-racing as a sport. It's physically demanding, and requires quick reflexes and great hand-eye coordination.
So does Whack-a-Mole.
It's too late to save the world now, Ogged, especially as you're quite right that baseball isn't a sport. Prepare for the rapture. I'm on my way to the grocery store to hoard canned goods, myself.
What happens when the year is over? And can I have all the holy people's material goods?
Not their clothes, of course. Dear god. But we really need some new towels.
Wait, so horse racing is a sport but baseball isn't? B and ogged finally agree on something and it's this?
So, did you get to the female athletes page looking for something about Borat?
OMG. After looking at the page, I'm half on standpipe's side. The action shots or just normal pictures don't bother me, but the cheesecake shots have got to go. (Excluding, of course, synchronized swimming, figure skating, etc., as non-sports.)
40 - Oh no you din't. George Will is going to come here and kick your dhimmi ass.
43: S/B "You'll need a year's supply and magic underwear." And your new bras are don't count.
the cheesecake shots have got to go
I agree; those are really annoying, both in that they just don't look as good, and also in that they entirely miss the point of hot athletes, which is that they're not static forms and shapes that conform more or less to an invented ideal, but what strong, healthy bodies actually look like.
As my testosterone declines and my teams lose, my interest in sports progressively dwindles.
52: There's something a little to Jillian Barberri about them, too. Some of the people listed are sufficiently accomplished that I've heard of them (though the most accomplished do not, for the most part, have cheesecake shots).
54: I'm not sure that's true. There are a lot of sports that don't get much attention, so you don't hear about the people even if they're accomplished. There are some big name swimmers on that list, ditto volleyball and softball players. Then there are the big name tennis stars, who all seem to have modeling portfolios.
55: Fair point on tennis; I blipped on that. I guess, other than tennis and a few gymnasts, I only recognize big track and field names.
50: Say what you will about ogged, but he's no dhimmi.
The other Fox guy was a little hard on her.
I'm sure he's evil, but I like Shep.
All my underwear is magic.
what strong, healthy bodies actually look like.
Well, sorta. Plenty of people have strong healthy bodies that aren't honed to the point of hyperperfection. Given the reality of technology and money in sports, I think we have to recognize that top athletes are way beyond "strong, healthy" and into "freakishly strong" territory--so much so that sometimes it's not all that healthy.
I'm sure he's evil, but I like Shep.
Shep is consistently evil, but he had that breakdown on the bridge in New Orleans, where suddenly he was a human being. I'm sure the network people had a talk with him after that.
Do magic underpants magically stay out of one's asscrack?
Any underpants that don't stay out of my asscrack find themselves staying in the trashcan.
61: His "Aw shucks" stick works for me. He said something like, "It's just you, me and Mrs. Doughtree down in Dustin watching," and he had me. I can see why Fox works--actually, that clip might be the clearest example of why it works. The people there just come off as substantially more normal and less formal than the people on the networks.
It appears that some people here are unfamiliar with the finer points of Mormonism.
60- freakishly strong and not-actually-so-healthy. Professional athletes often push their bodies to the limits in ways that aren't at all healthy. Their goal is performance, not fitness.
Well, of course not. That's why I'll still be around after the rapture, hoarding the towels and canned goods.
Kristina Lum's photos are all from MAXIM magazine.
(No, I don't recognize them from memory; they have the MAXIM logo on them.)
Oh, wait, you said that. Perhaps I shoudl have read your comment before responding to it.
Quite a few of the photos are from Maxim and FHM.
No, no. Agreeing with me is always good. Really, it's not possible to have too many people repeating what I say.
Really, it's not possible to have too many people repeating what I say.
It's not a sport if you get judged on style. In a real sport, style flows from trying to beat your opponent, it's not an end in itself. Examples:
Swimming = sport
Synchronized swimming = not sport
Basketball = sport
Slam dunk competition = not sport
Ice Hockey = sport
Figure skating = not sport
Etc.
Sadly, this definition means halfpipe snowboarding, which I dearly love, is not a sport. But so be it. I cannot play favorites.
Swimming is not a sport. Is is exercise. Next you communists will be saying that jogging is a sport. Probably jogging on treadmills, too.
And of course synchronized swimming isn't a sport--it's just dancing. Underwater dancing.
Some of my friends in high school once discussed making t-shirts that say "Skateboarding is not a sport." It's a shame they never followed through.
B's underwear is accursed Satanic changeling underwear.
I misspoke. I should have said "holy underwear". Underwear has enormous power for good and ill, and the correct choice of underwear is essential.
#77: Were they anti-skateboarding, or were they protesting how skateboarding had "sold out" to the X-Games, etc.?
They were just annoyed at those stupid "Skateboarding is not a crime" t-shirts.
Anyone who thinks that horse racing isn't a sport on the grounds that the jockey isn't doing a lot of work hasn't ridden a horse for very long. Auto racing is a different story, but in the interest of comity, I'm willing to look at objectifying pictures of Danica Patrick. I like to think that my fondness for her is the humility square in the otherwise perfect quilt of my disdain for NASCAR.
I'm going to drive to drop off my ballot now. Got to get my sports in for the day, you know.
I'm not really clear on the Mormon view of the end of times; a Sunday School teacher ran through a confused version once when I was about ten, and then nobody brought it up until I'd already meandered away from the Church. I think we're supposed to be Millenialists, but that a year's supply of food will be just fine until Jesus ushers in that Golden Age.
Temple-garment nether-things are like silk or cotton bicycle shorts, which doesn't mean they can't creep up the ass but may reduce the odds of it.
57 - Then why does he hate baseball? The only other possible answer is that he's a sleeper agent for the Red Chinese.
85 - Maybe, but I thought those guys were all big Yankees fans.
Jack, isn't Jesus supposed to show up somewhere in Illinois when the Big Day hits?
His "Aw shucks" stick works for me
You reveal so little about your personal life here that I'm a bit shocked that you started us out with this. What are you dark secrets?
Schtick, schtick! (Though if I were gay, I'd be all over that. I bet he's a player, though, so maybe not.)
I'm not sure about Illinois, but I think the Garden of Eden (past and future) is in Missouri somewhere.
74: You've been talking to PK, haven't you?
And you want to hear something unnerving? The first piece of mail I received at my new apartment, aside from the phone bill and cards from direct family members, was a solicitation from the famous great-great-grandad's family foundation. Not for the first time, I gotta think that either the Mormons have moles in the post office or someone in my family is narking me out.
Of course auto racing is a sport! Hemingway said so!
Admittedly not the best argument, but come on. you have competition, physicality, artificial restrictions, and organization. What more can you want?
Half-pipe snowboarding might not be a sport, but boardercross is, and is possibly the most amazing snow sport I have ever seen. It's amazing how much adding the possibility of sketchy passing maneuvers makes things better. See also short track speed skating.
And - too strong to the point of unhealthiness? I don't buy it. Too dedicated to the point of unhealthiness, sure. Higher risk of injury to the point of unhealthiness, absolutely. Even too heavy to the point of unhealthiness in certain cases (wrestling, linemen in football). But too strong? Naah...
#92, you're making my point. All the sports you mention (auto racing, boardercross, short track speed skating) involve actual competition, not being judged on style.
We could also debate whether the competition needs to be physical, and if so, how much. (Boxing? Sure. Auto racing? Probably. Chess? Not so much.) But that's another question.
you have competition, physicality, artificial restrictions, and organization. What more can you want?
porn is sport! Sponsered by Gatorade. "Is it in you?"
I'm not sure whether 94 is genius or merely cringe-worthy.
What about that important hypothetical case though: DDR?
"Mormon porn" + "temple garment" gets zero Googles. Research will continue.
Looks like an untapped market. Furhter research will be done by someone else.
Fox anchor can't stop saying "cock." Strange, but true. (Requires sound.) Hilariously, her colleague, rather than opting for the smooth transition, rubs her face in it for a while
So she said cock, and he rubbed her face in it. 100 comments and nobody's done the obvious joke. Do I have to wipe your arses for you as well?
I wish that the female anchor for the Chicago Fox affiliate was that good-looking. Nancy Pender is growing on me, though, little by little.
101 -- I thought -gg-d had already made that joke when he wrote the sentence you quote.
Do I have to wipe your arses for you as well?
No, just rub our faces in it.
OT, but sports-related: Fear the coming reckoning, ogged.