I'm extremely thankful for all the imaginary friends I've made here. I'd get up at 4 in the morning to bail any one of you out of jail.

And now I earnestly ban myself.

I'm pretty much thankful as hell for just about everything in my life these days.

Especially apo's phone #. You never know.

I'm thankful for my imaginary friends too, especially since many of you are up at strange hours of the night. I've never called anyone at 3 in the morning, but often enough when I've been awake and needed to talk, somebody was "here." So yeah, thanks, though I don't want to be too earnest.

It is very nice to have a group of people with whom I can ramble when so inclined and trade banter when otherwise. So thanks for being there ya big lugs.

What exactly is the complaint about being in earnest? Something about that seems like overly "ironic" or hip but on the other hand I think you guys intend it in like a jokey way, like you're referencing the overly hip act and commenting on that.

Lern yer canon, Clown.

Of course, when the acid wears off, none of you will exist...

Right no I'm familiar with that thread Mr. w-lfs-n but I've always seen that as a kind of joking, like I know -gg-d and he would not be one to scorn the actual quality of earnestness -- which I am understanding to mean a frank way of dealing with the world, a lack of pretension -- rather he hates the affection of the epiphenomena of that quality. So every time somebody says that is the joke remade? Because I don't understand it that way.

"Earnestness" is relentlessly humorless goody-goodyness, IIRC, for example the worst sort of PC. I am not in complete accord with the Unfogged strictures with regard to earnestness, but I've found that violent rage is acceptable here, so I just substitute that for earnestness when I feel an illicit impulse.

The name "Ernest" is actually the artifact of a certain kind of Protestant overseriousness. Hence Wilde's play, and also Butler's neglected masterpiece "The Way of All Flesh" (antihero: Ernest Pontifex).

Hemingway's problems may trace back to his first name. ("Stick a shotgun in it, buddy!") Ernst is the German version.

"Earnestness" is relentlessly humorless goody-goodyness

Huh. I guess I was hearing the word to mean something else. I should reread some of that stuff then, I may have gotten the wrong impression.

From the thread, it seems that Standpipe B. used to be much more voluble, and also, SB was accused of making gender assumptions about slolernr (sp) when SB is intentionally vague genderwise.

Weirdly I was just talking to my wife about a character and settled on "He's an earnest guy" as a way of communicating a positive quality in his character. I wonder what is different about my world from those of people who understand earnestness be the quality John describes in 9.

I want to second the thankfulness for cancer freedom--two years!--and having an almost complete set of internal organs. Better this club than the other one, I say. Also thankful for the wildfires responsible for the cops inability to locate the remains of the asshole who ran me down releasing all those pine cones seeds from their pine cone prisons...

Yay non-cancerous imaginary friends!

You know what I'm most thankful for? Having a secure job.

Clownae, you're on probation.

I suppose that's one way of putting it, yes.

Him alone, or all his earnest friends too?

Wow, 6 really sends me back to another time.

And we're all pretty stoked that you're healthy, ogged.

I'm thankful for everything, too. Thanks for surviving, Ogged.

Happy Thanksgiving, imaginary friends.

And real ones, too.

You know what I'm thankful for? This fucking country. We may be doing a lot of crazy and messed up shit right now, and fighting an unjust war, but good goddamn it's a good place to live. The immigrant in me still loves it here.

Such prosperity that I live on my meager student loans: I have a beautiful apartment, I get to buy new clothes occasionally, sometimes I eat at nice restaurants, I get to see live music, and ride clean buses and trains every day, there's hot water, the electricity never goes out, I live near a beautiful lake and the streets are lined with trees. Sheesh.

We know you hate america, leblanc; don't try to hide it.

No, ben, it's freedom that I hate. Obviously.

And puppies.

I am thankful that for the first time in my politically conscious life, my grandfather will complain about how the Democrats are ruining America while the Democrats are in a position to actually ruin America!

I wonder how Lizardbreath, Buck, and Chris are doing. Not a happy Thanksgiving time in the Breath family, I imagine.

28: I thought of that earlier and realized, "imaginary friends may not be friends, but they're sure not imaginary." Hope that's not too earnest...

I'm also thankful for all of the friends I've met this year: real, imaginary, and everybody in between. Thanks everyone for being so wonderful.

Shorter 8

Yes, thanks to and for all the 47-year-old balding men out there, and the wonderful personae they've invented. And best wishes to all.

Happy Thanksgiving to you all and my fellow lurkers; this shit here consistently makes my day.

Thank you to everyone at Unfogged for solving all of the personal problems that none of my so-called "real" friends want to think about. Teh Internet: Providing AWB with new kinds of intimacy since 1995.

You know what's wizard cocksucker easy to make? Gravy. I just made some (vegetarian—yeah, suck on it) gravy for tomorrow, and it's really good.

I have no desire to suck on any vegetarian gravy.

Happy Thanksgiving, every one.

36: But ben, I'm a vegetarian, and there was that one comment—one I cannot find—wherein you asserted your familiarity with my cock. You were so close…

I also prepared turkeyburgers. I suppose turkeyburgers are an abomination, too, yes?

Happy Thanksgiving, everyone. You're all a bunch of disturbingly, unexpectedly, and wonderfully weird people, and for this I am thankful. Cheers.

Ogged, I'm thankful that you're healthy as well and had a battalion of real and imaginary people rooting you on.

I'm also thankful for Unfogged, which has netted me one (1) CD, several screwball acquaintances, and a lifetime of disturbing images.

39: Why, as a vegetarian, are you making turkeyburgers? Do you make an exception for turkeys? The turkeys are sad, Stanley.

The turkeys are sad, but I am thankful for my imaginary friends.

42: My parents, who are the only attendees eating meat, requested I not make a turkey (being, as they saw it, a fuss). I'm offering turkeyburgers as a compromise. Also, it's worth noting: I'm a vegetarian not for the animal-rights reasons but rather as a matter of taste. I just don't like meat.

I'm a vegetarian not for the animal-rights reasons but rather as a matter of taste. I just don't like meat.

Nevertheless, the turkeys rejoice.

We are thankful, too, ogged.

I just don't like meat.

I'm having a little trouble wrapping my mind around this statement.

Turkeys are ok, but I'm more likely to cook lamb or a top sirloin roast. I really need to visit my brother so we can hunt wild hogs for Thanksgiving.

I am thankful for guns that enable the hunting of wild hogs.

I just don't like meat.

I'm having a little trouble wrapping my mind around this statement.

I know, it's weird. As a young lad, my mother tells me, I would eat no meat save hotdogs.

Imagine that I'd just written some clever comment about my positive feelings towards people who comment here (also towards other people). You'll be glad to know I was sincere about whatever you imagined I wrote.

Hotdogs and tube steak.

Eat my gravy, w-lfs-n.

As a former vegetarian/vegan for twelve years, I can sympathize with the turkeyburger rationalization...still, having lived with a chef for three years, I can honestly say that no meat is required to make awesome gravy. That said, the butter! The butter! A vegan again I'll never be.

/I'm trying to imagine a British Thanksgiving./

/It's not working./

A couple of years ago, we gave my daughter a birthday card that said "To a wonderful daughter" on the front - she asked my partner if it was sarcastic. She was 8. She's 10 today - I'm thankful for that.

Thankful that I can spend the morning in bed (I've just got up) watching Bride and Prejudice with my kids. Thankful that I found this place and you bitchy lot, and phrases such as "wizard cocksucker easy".

Anyway, Happy Thanksgiving to those who celebrate it.

I am thankful for being in Europe.

I am not thankful for being one of the few people in (Western) Europe without health insurance.

Happy Thanksgiving, folks. This year, I'm most thankful for new opportunities, and the ability to pursue them.

I'm leaving on a jet plane today -- my family observes Thanksgiving on Friday, for the purposes of travel convenience, so I'll spend an extra 24 hours being thankful for anything missed here so far.

9: John, I thought that 'earnest' was late 19th C. argot meaning 'gay'. Or at least, that's what Christopher Hitchens wrote in one of his pieces about Wilde.

Anyway, my advice for all you Thanksgiving types is simple: roast potatoes are better than mashed.

Stanley, I'm trying to figure out why you made your vegetarian gravy and turkey burgers a day in advance. Can you enlighten me? Or am I misreading?

I'm leaving on a jet plane

Mr. H is John Denver!

roast potatoes are better than mashed

How do you feel about turnips?

Turnips are good and parsnips are even better. My favorite is a mix of several different root vegetables roasted together.

happy thankgiving everyone! I just spent my first thanksgiving sober since...since I was 14! or, wait, 13! it was OK, except I'm sick and I had to go lie down. kind of overdid it on the cooking thing; I was divvying food prep with my neighbors but I made green beans, salad, parker house rolls, cornbread, dressing, apple pie, pumpkin pie, cheese spread, the turkey (on the grill over indirect heat) and gravy. so I cooked all day, didn't feel like eating dinner and then when I did eat my stomach hurt and I had to go home. but that sounds rather depressing when actually I had a great time cooking and hung out with my friends. I should have just taken it a little easier.

I'm grateful for all my cancer-free internet friends. I'm looking forward to seeing people in DC very much, like, silly much.

in other news, I saw my therapist yesterday and she had had a dream about me. I was thinking, I never dream about you. I think this is called counter-transference. anyway, yay thanksgiving, and yay america!

Second the mix of roasted root vegetables. Parsnips are good. Sweet and fat are both nice things: why not have them together? If by turnips you mean neeps / swedes / rutabagas, I'd tend to mash those instead.

What day is this holiday anyway? Was it yesterday?

46
Real men hunt wild hogs with sharpened, fire-hardened sticks.

55: I found that out after I posted. In Wilde and maybe Butler it apparently was, though there's controversy.

However, it's unlikely that the name was apparently spread by parents who wanted to queer their sons. According to my search, the German "Ernst" was the original form, same meaning, and it meant "very serious". I wasn't able to find out anything about the dissemination of the name, though.

Probably the "gay" meaning was attached because of Wilde, but he himself chose the name just because his "Ernest" was so terribly un-earnest.

58/60: Turnip-type foods (and beets) are wrongly despised. (For example, Brad DeLong believes that they're an archaic starvation-era food.) There's a big range of flavor, with some radishy and some sweetish. I like them best in Chinese pickles.

Those of us who are more or less Nordic should reflect on what our distant ancestors actually did eat. Dairy, fish, beef and mutton, apples and plums, turnips and beets, barley and rye, very few spices or fruits, and not even a lot of vegetables. No potatos, no ketchup, no peanut butter -- a very monotonous diet. No wonder they plundered and raped.

thanksgiving is ending here in singapore but beginning in the US, i.e., it's the 23rd. 4th thursday of november. mixed root vegetables are very nice pureed, especially if you get some celery root in there. and parsnips are yummy. I also like salad with roasted beets.

Happy thanksgiving, imaginary friends!

Roasted turnips were one of my great discoveries of the past year.

61: Plus, they had to drink mead. Probably only a small percentage was good mead.

roast potatoes are better than mashed.

While I should begin now to save up quarrel energy for when I visit my family at Xmas, I must spare a little to take issue with this obvious untruth. Can you make a spoon-shaped depression for gravy in roast potatoes? Can you? That's all I need to know.

alameida-- The dream is very weird. My rudimentary understanding of transference and counter0transference is that transference is when you treat your therapist like other people in your life, and counter-transference is when the therapist transfers his/her feelings about other people to you. Anyway, I thought that therapists weren't supposed to talk about that sort of thing with their patients.

All-- I don't like to eat potatoes on Thanksgiving (always have mashed with roast beef on Christmas), because the Pilgrims didn't have potatoes.

I am sincerely thankful for all of you, because you do often cheer me up. Right now I am rather glum and ungrateful, because it is gray and nasty outside and my family is being a pain--disruptive and chaotic, and not in an ordinary unpleasant dinner conversation sort-of-way, but in teh absolute overwhelmingly painful pain-in-the-ass sort of way that only the truly dysfunctional can muster.

And I am beating myself up for it, since, as m. le blanc says, we do live in a really rather wonderful country, and I am blessed with a fine (or at least a prestigious) education. I am a little depressed, frankly, and I hate being such a downer. Enh.

Oh yes, another big thankful moment: my family gets along just fine with no drama whatsoever, and after my first marriage I traded truly dysfunctional in-laws for a set I honestly enjoy spending time with.

I would just like to point out that I am not grateful for anything - whatever I have, I probably deserved a lot better, everything good in my life is entirely due to my own effort in the face of hindrance from an army of morons and all of my many misfortunes are the fault of other people. Thank you[1] and good night.

[1] for nothing, obviously.

67: Thanks for rubbing it in, apo.

I'm sorry, it wasn't meant that way. Just that having spent many years where my every Thanksgiving was exactly as you describe, I honestly am thankful to have a few that aren't.

Actually a small adjustment to the above; I am reasonably grateful that this cup of coffee that I'm drinking appears to be a little bit better quality than the coffee from the other coffee shop, despite being slightly cheaper. Other than that, fuck-all I'm afraid.

70: apo--I was joking, at least half-way, though not completely. I think today will probably be a very nice day. I'm spending it with one set of my godparents. Last year I was at a friend's in-laws. 2004 was spent with my wing-nut uncle.

My Dad's been sick and in the hospital with a parasite. I hadn't talked to him for a couple of years and now feel guilty about this and some people are telling me that I shoudl reach out to him because cutting him out of my life completely is probably not a good long-term solution, but there's another part of me that says: it's not just that I'm angry with him about a bunch of things that he's done; it's also that I'm worried I'll be overwhelmed by the chaos that he can create and that I'm not strong enough now to handle it on my own.

D^2, bless his heart, is a really wonderful person in ome respects, but in other respects he is an ungrateful beast who should be hunted with fire-hardened stick. It's like the wave/particle paradox.

In my family we normally have duck instead of turkey because of the turkey's tendency to dryness and excessive leftovers. (Don't bother me with turkey recipes, switching to duck is in every way better.)

My family normally has disfunctional holidays, but I'm hoping for better this year. In part this is for reasons of sadness, since out mother died and two nephews are having personal problems, so we have less energy for belligerent sarcasm.

Emerson--You are awesome. That made me laugh.

We're having duck tonight because we have too many ducks. And we're also having turkey because my mother-in-law decided to invite a dozen more people at the last minute.

d^2 demonstrates the depths to which society can sink when there's not an annual holiday devoted to thankfulness.

Also: the idea was originally to slaughter the duck and then drive it down to the local Chinese restaurant to have them cook it. Is it just me, or does that sound batshit crazy to anyone else?

Wow! I'm now consciously thankful I've reached an age where family nuttiness becomes minor annoyance, that I have skills I can sell until I'm too senile to care, that my kids like me but don't need me for anything, that said kids have promised to put me on an ice floe when I've reached the drooling stage, and that they're smart enough to improvise in case all the ice floes have melted by the time they need one.

I'm thankful for Bobby Sands and Holger Mainz and Abdullah Meral and Mary Clarke and Omar Khadr and Mohandas K. Gandhi and Alice Paul.

And most of all, I'm thankful for Nechayev:

"To weld the people into one single unconquerable and all-destructive force -- this is our aim, our conspiracy, and our task."

I'm thankful for the ex-girlfriend who made the awesome vegan biscuits and gravy (sounds implausible, but it's real), and I'll be even more thankful if I can convince her to visit this weekend.

No potatos, no ketchup, no peanut butter ...

And no rice-based breakfast cereal or yeast-extract spread either. Only now do we truly live.

I haven't attended an angst-filled holiday meal since Christmas 1988 when I was wrongly accused of deliberately knocking over a glass of port. Other than that, I've noticed that some households contain people who want a prayer to be said at the start of dinner: that can be awkward if there are dissenters in the family group.

Oh, uh, this is normally too private for me but now that I've been negative I feel like I need to restore the vibe to its previous level of grooviness.

I'm thankful that I've got a loving and accepting extended family, the better to edify the life of my new son for whom I'm extremely thankful. I'm thankful that my job is such that I can spend time with him and with my wife. I'm thankful, too, for her and for having somebody who brings my life into balance and helps me realize my dreams.

And I'm thankful that I had all of you going with that earnest-ass bullshit. Ha!

81 was me, not that it much matters, other than to indemnify any of the previous negative commenters who might resent anyone assuming they went positive.

I'm thankful that for every aspect of the holidays that is challenging (hello, family drama), there is another one that is delightful (hiya, baby niece).

And also, that welcoming new people is a good way to take the focus off the empty places. My grandparents used to invite convalescing soldiers from the local veterans hospital to join them. This year we're having some Kenyan friends and their young daughters, and my sister's potential in-laws.

Thank y'all for your jokey seriousness and your seriously funny jokes.

I'm thankful I live in a nation that doesn't have a holiday where we give thanks for stuff [echoing d^2 and asilon above].

76 sounds batshit crazy. Although not as crazy as keeping carp in the bath ...

I'm also thankful for (a) Unfogged, (b) Ogged's non-cancerous state, and (c) everyone else who comments here. Seriously: thank you.

If there was a good Chinese restaurant anywhere nearby, I'd get our ducks there. Mmmm.

Happy Thanksgiving all. You folks are great.

And 76 is not batshit crazy. If there's one thing the Chinese know how to do, it's cook delicious duck. If you can get them to "tea smoke" it, all the better.

Also, I spent two separate Thanksgivings in the UK, and did my best to proselytize the natives about this great holiday. They certainly scarfed down all the delicious food I prepared, and at least seemed to enjoy drawing their first ever hand turkeys . . .

Yeah, we can eat, and enjoy drawing games if we've drunk enough, but all the thankfulness? Ummmm .... It takes a particular style of earnestness to do that with a straight face. The same kind of earnestness that produced The West Wing, as opposed to Yes, Minister.

The crazy thing is slaughtering it yourself, I think.

I've had "tea duck" served cold, and I didn't like that so much. I love duck fat, but not cold duck fat.

Mmmmm. Duck fat.

West Wing isn't so much "earnest" as it is aggressively middle-brow.

What with the too-many-ducks problem there will be more chances. Perhaps we'll ask the proprietors if they'd be into it.

I am thankful that I'm not a duck.

I think "aggressively middle-brow" is a subset of the quality people are referring to as "earnestness" that they dislike.

Can Chopper tea-smoke our ducks for us?

I'm also thankful for janitors

It's the reverence for the President and the, I dunno, trappings of govt that I was thinking of. I'm pretty sure there's never been, nor ever likely to be, anything like that seen on British tv.

I'm not sure we're quite to the "imaginary friends" stage yet, so this n00b wishes a Happy Thankgiving to those whom she annoys periodically with her comments.

Also: potatoes must be mashed at Thanksgiving, for maximum saturation with butter and cream.

Happy Thanksgiving, everyone.

96: I don't get it.

Pimping as always: Why do we call our national bird by the name of a Middle Eastern nation? Why don't we call it a "peru", as the Brazilians do?

At my URL.

Hey could somebody remind me about making gravy? I haven't made gravy in ages -- my memory is, I take the bird out of the pan and heat the drippings on the stove top, and add a couple of tbsp of white flour, and just keep stirring until the gravy is thick -- is my memory leaving out any steps?

I could use some gravy advice, too.

I'm thankful for all you guys, including the UK types poking fun, and that Buck and I were able to be there and be helpful when Chris died. And that he had a wonderful life for the last five years, and was very happy right up until about two weeks ago.

I'll be back again in a couple more days.

So sorry, LB. All the best to your family and his.

It's the reverence for the President and the, I dunno, trappings of govt that I was thinking of.

It's 'cause we don't have a royal family. Di's death certainly brought out the earnestness in you Brits.

And thanks for the update, LB. Best wishes to you and everyone involved, and have a good Thanksgiving.

Take care, LB.

"Di's death certainly brought out the earnestness in you Brits."

I almost emigrated. The reaction to her death and the invasion of Iraq are the two recent things about this nation I am most ashamed of. The reaction to her death was vomit inducing.

I spent weeks at the time trying to avoid going off on a rant whenever there was anything on the news about her, her death, the funeral, and idiots' reaction to it.

condolences, LB. Take care.

yay for imaginary friends indeed!

I almost emigrated.

I've felt this urge, many times. But the problem is: to where?

Also, I'm thankful that I have the chance to see Lady Sovereign live tonight.

re 99 & 100 ("I take the bird out of the pan and heat the drippings on the stove top, and add a couple of tbsp of white flour, and just keep stirring until the gravy is thick -- is my memory leaving out any steps?"):

We don't add any flour (it just dilutes the good meat-y flavor, and you've got the starch-y flavor already in the potatoes or stuffing it's going on). But the important step you left out is this: Add 1/4 cup or so of water (or, for really rich flavor, damn the cost: wine) to the empty pan, and THEN stir. The drippings won't come up off the pan, and you won't have enough gravy, unless you do this. Then, let the water, which is by now gravy-flavored but too thin, evaporate (i.e., cook down), by putting a very low flame under the pan. (All of this is done on the stovetop, BTW.) This cook-down will take several minutes, while you get other stuff to the table. Meanwhile, heat the small pitcher in which you will put the gravy, by putting some very hot water in it. When all else is ready, dump that, put the gravy in the pitcher (w/ saucer -- it will drip) & bring it to the table. If you cook it down too much, you can add a bit of water back in. Enjoy.

Hm. 110 conflicts with all of my gravy thoughts. I think what it would produce would not be as thick as gravy is supposed to be. It would be some kind of tasty sauce but not one which I would call gravy.

PS gravy gravy gravy!

LB: I'm so sorry.

HOW TO MAKE GRAVY, an IM conversation with my sister, names elided:

slice 5 vidalia onions and caramelize them in butter
it takes about 45 minutes
uh huh
then add chopped thyme and rosemary
then add about a half cup balsamic vinegar and 3 tblsp. of honey
uh huh
you can do that ahead of time.
k
then after you cook the turkey you strain the juices from the pan
and skim off the fat and then mix it in with the onion mixture
oh and you add a couple spoons of flour to the onions when you add the honey too
and adjust for seasoning
ok
and that's it?
yup
you have to make sure you really get a nice dark color on the onions without burning them

It's seriously good, y'all.

You could probably mix in a deglazing step above as per 110.

This seems right to me:

To make gravy, remove rack from roasting pan. Pour pan drippings through sieve into 4-cup measure or medium bowl. Add 1 cup giblet broth to roasting pan and stir until brown bits are loosened; pour into drippings in measuring cup. Let stand a few seconds, until fat separates from meat juice. Spoon 2 tablespoons fat from drippings into 2-quart saucepan; skim and discard any remaining fat. Add remaining giblet broth and enough water to meat juice in cup to equal 3 cups.
Into fat in saucepan over medium heat, stir 2 tablespoons all-purpose flour and 1/2 teaspoon salt; cook, stirring, until flour turns golden brown. Gradually stir in meat-juice mixture and cook, stirring, until gravy boils and thickens slightly.

I'd put some butter in with the drippings before the step with the flour, though. Hell, why not? Gravy isn't supposed to be good for you.

"You doctors have been telling us to drink eight glasses of gravy a day for years!"

OK I have confirmed with my mom the 0sn3r method for gravy-making -- it is less complex and it suits my tastes:

Take the roasting pan out of the oven when the turkey is done. Take the turkey from the roasting pan and allow the pan to cool for 20 minutes while the turkey is sitting. Boil the giblets in stock, then cut them up and add to the roasting pan. When your partner carves the turkey, put the roasting pan on two burners of the stove, medium low heat, and add a bit of flour. Stir as it boils until it is thick and gravy-like. If it is too thick dilute with wine or stock. When you are stirring be sure to scrape any burned bits into the gravy.

Nice serendipity is, I am roasting apples and onions in the pan with the turkey, they should add some nice flavor to the drippings.

Also, some wine or balsamic vinegar in the roasting pan will help to loosen and dissolve the, uh, brown bits.

And to reiterate: happy Thanksgiving to all of you. (Well except those who have slighted me in the past year.) LB, sorry about the circumstances; I hope you and Buck and Newt and Sally have a good, unclouded day.

105 - ditto. But the royal family thing may be true. Not that we do earnest TV dramas about them either - although what was that thelen Mirren film like?

LB - condolences to you all. Will be thinking of you over the next few weeks.

BG, they'd have eaten spuds if they'd've had 'em. They would definitely have put marshmallows on top of their yams. I'm not sure whether they'd have used Cheez Wiz in their creamed onions.

You know how to make the gravy even better? Before you cook the turkey, cut a red onion in half, then in half again, then leave the chunks in the pan in about half an inch of white wine. Then use these pre-doctored drippings to make the gravy...

Speaking of Cheez Wiz - when a friend of mine was attached to the US embassy in Nigeria, there was to be an Embassy party for some African government officials. What did the Embassy receive as supplies for the party? A case of Cheez Wiz.

They served it on crackers and told the Nigerians it was a traditional American hors d'oeuvre.

120--CharleyCarp, I love squash and corn and stuffing and with all of those things there's no need for potatoes.

To all of the British people who mock us: you'd be pretty thankful, if you had prayed and the rain had come and revived your corn crop, thus saving you from starvation, you'd be pretty thankful too.

The thing about Thanksgiving is that it's a great eating holiday. It also marks the start of the Christmas season. And a lot of British Christmas food is just a copy of American Thanksgiving customs, e.g., roast turkey and cranberry sauce.

It also marks the start of the Christmas season.

I'm confused. Do you make this observation approvingly?

And I am thankful that the pies are done, the veg are prepped, the turkey is roasting and there is still time to do the NYT crossword before the guests arrive!

124: No, not really, except that I do remember feeling all out of wack seasonally the year that I was In England over Thanksgiving and didn't have one.

Gravy: came out great. But: somebody told me a 14-lb. turkey took 4 hours to cook -- this one took 5 hours. So most of the side dishes were a bit cold when we ate. A nice dinner natheless. I need to go back and socialize with my in-laws. Fortunately I am at least halfway Becks-style, and nothing is standing in my way from progressing further down that road.

To all of the British people who mock us: you'd be pretty thankful, if you had prayed and the rain had come and revived your corn crop, thus saving you from starvation, you'd be pretty thankful too.

See this is what I don't understand. If you were commemorating an event when you pulled a fast one on some Stone Age culture or other, talked them out of some food, massacred them and stole their land, then that would be what we British call a tradition. We used to call it "Empire Day" in the days before the hollow laughter got too dispiriting.

(similarly, if those two world wars hadn't happened it would have been us that landed on the moon first and there would have been none of this "giant leap for man" bollocks; the immortal words would have been "I name this moon 'Elizabeth' and claim her for the crown")

D^2, that's the subtext of Thanksgiving. We're just very discreet and subtle about celebrations, by contrast to our actual bomb-dropping foreign-policy behavior. You were obviously not meant for cultural criticism. (You probably think that I literally want to hunt you with a fire-hardened stick, too, whereas I was just metaphorically saying that you are an evil, heartless person.)

In England turkey was common featured at holiday feasts by 1570, 50 years before the Mayflower sailed. You wouldn't exactly call turkey traditional, though, since the turkey only reached England in maybe 1530. So turkey dinner was the modernist feast of the Elizabethan Age.

I'm trying to figure out why you made your vegetarian gravy and turkey burgers a day in advance. Can you enlighten me? Or am I misreading?

I may have been unclear. I prepared the turkeyburger patties and the gravy in advance last night and stowed them in the fridge. Today, I grilled the burgers and re-heated the gravy. The burgers were a hit. The gravy? Not so great; re-heating led to overly thick gravy. Alack.

Anyway, fully functional family dinner has wound down. We talked about the Kramer thing. Oh, and my dad said he heard people are going to get porn on their cell phones in Teh Future. My family rocks.

123: But I don't mock. I don't. And I am grateful. For rain, and food, and Indians, and stuff.

And a lot of British Christmas food is just a copy of American Thanksgiving customs, e.g., roast turkey and cranberry sauce.

This is clearly a new and especially lethal form of irony. Why do you use these terrible weapons on us?

And just earlier this evening, I was enjoying these New Yorker covers and thinking how nice this Thanksgiving thing was.

Mocking? I wasn't mocking. And d^2 was being nice, surely (well, he didn't call anyone a cunt ...). I was just saying it's so not us, we'd rather moan about shit than count our blessings.

Yay! In-laws are gone.

Sylvia just told me there used to not be any numbers. Back in the cave-man time, after the dinosaurs, they thought numbers were nothing. But then maybe they saw a one and said, well we always have one God (no, no idea where she got this from.) And, we always have two (garbled). -- Me: Two Santas? S: No, two chances. And we always have three wishes.

#126: actually, thinking about it, this version doesn't make much agricultural sense. November is neither planting, growing nor harvesting season for corn.

Is 135 in response to 123?

What is appropriate Thanksgiving music?

So far I have "If the sun refused to shine" and "Lookin at the devil Grinnin at his gun"

I guess the soundtrack to turkeyday is football and family squawkings.

There would be at least ten possible objections to cutting and pasting the complete lyrics to "Mona Lisas and Mad Hatters" here. I should probably inflict that on saisegly.

Happy Thanksgiving, folks.

On an tangential path, I have a question about another American tradition (well, I am assured it is) - what is the tune to the Hagdalena Magdalena/Catalina Madelina/etc song?

139: We always sang that to the tune of "God Save the Queen" (the traditional one, not the Pistols version).

You mean this one:
She had three eyes in the middle of her head
One was alive and the other two were dead
Hagalena Magalena Oopa Tocka Wocka Tocka
Ocka Mocka Docka was her name

etc?

Actually I'm lying. I have no idea what song you're talking about. What have you heard about this tradition, and who did this assuring that you mention?

And speaking of such things, did anybody else grow up with this song:

Eddy Cootcha Catcha Tosamira Tosacoma Samma Camma Wacky Brown,
Fell into the well, fell into the well,
Fell into the deep dark well

etc? For some reason I think of the song as Hawai'ian but that's totally without foundation.

141: I was convinced at a young age that the Catalina song was the invention of a childhood friend. Thanks, Clownæ, for pulling the wool from my eyes. I have no idea, however, how to describe the melody without linking to an mp3, which I can't, apparently, find.

On preview—143: nope.

There are a lot of lyrics scattered around the internet for the Hagalena song but I'm not seeing any recordings of it.

Well, do you have a microphone? I do not.

(It's a very simple melody -- I'm sure it is taken from some other folk song but I can't think what it would be. Just one 2-bar phrase repeated three times with the middle repetition down a step, and then a second 2-bar phrase.)

146 -- Are you talking about my dick again?

Yes. I do not have your dick. That's what I meant. Earnest.

Whew!

Eddy Cootcha Catcha Tosamira Tosacoma Samma Camma Wacky Brown
s/b
Eddy Cootcha Catcha Cootcha Tosamira Tosacoma Samma Camma Wacky Brown

OT: I don't really like my brother's new girlfriend. I'm usually very charitable, especially around new people. But I found myself reacting with hostility ("WHAT?! That's absurd. You've got to be kidding!") to many things she said. Eventually I ran away to the kitchen to hide with my mom, who apparently feels the same way.

Certainly there must be a better strategy for this type of situation. How do you dysfunctional-family people deal with the dinner guests that rub you the wrong way?

And here's chords for it!

152: drink too much and embarrass myself.

I (and all my other siblings to some degree or another) had problems with my sister's boyfriend. Then she went and married him! So... we learned to like him. It's a good idea to give heavy benefit-of-the-doubt to people to whom members of your family have romantic attachments.

It's a good idea to give heavy benefit-of-the-doubt to people to whom members of your family have romantic attachments.

Not always. If I had figured out a way to kill my brother in law the day I met him, the world would be a better place.

Okay, I have my romantic dilemma. Do I post it here or in the "Need" thread?

Hm. Emerson's suggestion seems compelling, but I think Clownæ's benefit-of-the-doubt approach is the sensible route. They'll break up (again!) soon enough anyway.

BG: I don't think it really matters, though you may get murderous suggestions round these parts. Thematically, the "Needs" thread seems a bit more fitting.

156 - M/tch thought you should ask in the "Need" thread and he probably is more trustworthy on this question than I, who thought you should ask in this thread.

Okay, "Need" thread it is then.

159 gets it exactly right.

Another alternative is, you could ask on the B4 cvv e f- g-- k++ q r-- s t w-- thread.

161: Well, right, yes, but not exactly right. That thread is entitled "Needs". [/pedant]

Your Clownæsthesiologist just knows what you want, but I know what you Needs.

I am thankful for this bottle of mezcal which I was given unexpectedly this evening. Cheers!

Just kill the guy. Or lady, if that is the case.

Needs should be the name of a town in Arizona.

Arizona s/b Oregon

Or New Jersey, if you're in mixed company.

It's a good idea to give heavy benefit-of-the-doubt to people to whom members of your family have romantic attachments.

Remember, for all you know they're a tiger in the sack.

That said, nobody liked my sister's first husband, right from the get-go, and he turned out to be an abusive, racist asshole. He was also from Buffalo and thus a Bills fan, which was the first thing that pinged my a-dar, but that's neither here nor there. This isn't making much sense because my brain is very tired today, but my point is, Emerson's probably right in that you should just kill them. Family dinners make an excellent opportunity for murder. Bake them a special treat, just for them.

Then shoot them while they're eating it.

I must say, the murderous crowd has me second-guessing. And Christmas dinner is right around the corner…

Stanley -- didn't you get the memo? It's called Holiday Dinner now.

I thought it was OK for us leftists to still call it Christmas as long as we have a drawn firearm? We really need to settle this before my big family dinner on Saturday.

The war against Xmas will be fought over the cole slaw and potato salad of the McManlyPants family reunion.

OK, how has no one linked to RMP's Wednesday blog post? I'm entertained. The Olsen twins, indeed.

I don't spend nearly as much time ATM as I used to, which I'm not thankful about. But I'm thankful for the family, for the kid's nanny, for having a mother in law who is cool, for some opportunities to do good in the world, and for the chance to unwind and laugh with all of you from time to time.

As for 152, you should have spilled your eggnog on her.

I think we have a consensus now on inlaws.

JE, if you were a wedding photographer, you'd be the kind who positions the in-laws on the outer edge of the family group, so as to be more easily Photoshopped out down the road, wouldn't you?

Happy Thanksgiving to all. I am thankful for my family being well enough to celebrate, being wealthy (and lazy) enough to celebrate at a nice restaurant instead of hosting it myself, and thankful for the fact that I don't have to travel.

I am not, however, thankful about the hiccups I have that are now going on 36 hours.

Would consumer capitalism ever have been able to take off without the tradition of giving gifts on Christmas?

Nathan, have you tried drinking a drop or so of vinegar? Lemon juice will also usually work in a pinch.

Nathan, the blog has not one but two posts devoted to hiccup cures.

Yeah, I remembered both, but I was too lazy to look them up, and figured, since my remedy is the best, I'd save Nathan a lot of time and just cut to the chase.

My girlfriend is an advocate of the "focus on your diaphragm" method, with some advanced visualisation added in - "visualise it as a red, glowing, twisted fabric, and imagine it untwisting". My success rate with this is pretty low. I figure it's because my visualisation is too detached from my actual body.

"Focus on your diagphragm" seems like healing crystals magic to me, but Alameida's method seem promising. Don't listen to M/lls.

Elsewhere, I have been pointed to Termination of intractable hiccups with digital rectal massage and the associated IgNobel

Seriously, the vinegar cure works. What's the harm in trying it, after 36 hours of hiccuping?

Plus, you'll look stupid doing that upside down water drinking with cupped ears thing, and you wouldn't want to look stupid, would you?

So far it seems that only women have reported success with the Focus On Your Diaphragm Cure, so maybe Armsmasher was right.

I heartily recommend the digital rectal massage. Only after you cure the hiccups with vinegar, though, because you don't want to be distracted.

Happy Thanksgiving, everyone. I'm thankful that I have four Thai restaurants within ten blocks of my house, because we're having our turkey dinner tomorrow at my in-laws, and today I had tasty Thai takeout.

Nathan, put a teaspoonful of sugar on your tongue and keep your mouth closed until it dissolves. If that doesn't work, do the same with salt. It has something to do with hiccups being caused by an electrolyte imbalance.

Nathan realizes he's obligated to tell us what worked, right? (Though frankly, 36 hours seems like a failure of will to me, Nathan, you big wuss.)

Now that it's the holiday season I like to cure hiccups Labs style by going out and beating homeless people with a sock full of coins.

What type of sock, gswift, and what size coins would you use? You're usually much more specific with your weapons recommendations.

Wool is nice and sturdy, and while some people just throw any old coins in there, I like to go classy and use Kennedy half dollars.

I only beat homeless people with gold Krugerrands, because I have standards.

"standards" s/b "a little thing called artistic integrity"

So, baby, would you rather see my artistic integrity or my consuming passion?

Wow, your artistic integrity is such a little thing.

197: I'd settle for the notch.

I'm thankful for comment 200.

Since it seems to be just the naughty boys out tonight, let me share these totally not safe for work and quite funny videos: part 1, part 2.

The guy with the shaggy hair cracks me up.

Of course I tempt fate and click on it. Man those ad bars are indeed NSFW. My enjoyment will have to wait until I get home.

You're at work at 11:00 on Thanksgiving night?

You're at work on Thanksgiving night? What are you, a warden?

I guess those homeless guys aren't going to beat themselves.

You can't make me link to bumfights.

Just for fun, this was the attendance at Thanksgiving tonight, which was held at Roberta's parents' house.

My entire side of the family, which consists of me, my mother, and my brother.
Roberta and my two boys.
Her parents.
One sister, her husband, and their four kids.
Another sister, her husband, and their three kids.
Her older brother and his fiancee.
Her younger brother, his wife, and two friends.
Her youngest sister and her husband.

For a grand total of 27 plates. The remaining sister (and her husband and two kids) in Nashville didn't make it.

Geez Louise, that's a lot of people. My mom and I joined the Unf clan for a very nice dinner. 10 people. One kid.

You're at work on Thanksgiving night? What are you, a warden?

Internet auction fraud. 24/7 center. There's basically 6 holidays we minimum staff like today and tomorrow, Christmas eve and Christmas, and New Years Eve and New Years. Gotta sign up for at least two, so I do today and tomorrow to get it out of the way.

Damn, ogged, are you that hard up for pr()n that you have to watch that?

Now this is both NSFW and funny.

Internet auction fraud

So is it "Got another one! High five!" or "Click, click, next."?

What's all this about beating the homeless with a cock full of coins? Didn't that scrotum-full-of-saline teach y'all anything about what not to do with your pink bits???

Music after dinner: Jimi Hendrix, Medieval Babes, Gordon Bok, JS Bach, Jefferson Airplane until the CD crashed, Love. We sat and watched the pretty blue lava lamp make pretty blue patterns without aid of chemical enhancement [the people, not the lamp] and discussed Russian politics, spam in Japanese, the Singularity, the music scene in Minneapolis in the early 1970s, the demise of CBGB and the H&M clothing store on Oxford Street in London. Merry, merry Turkey Day!

It would better money if I was the one committing fraud. Some of those wily Romanians are doing pretty well.

I actually bought the first edition of bumfights when it came out. Pretty much none of the fighting is actual bums. One of the bums they get to tattoo "Bumfights" in huge letters across his forehead. That's just evil.

Bumfights itself is evil, I gotta say.

And with that, to bed!

Geez Louise, that's a lot of people. My mom and I joined the Unf clan for a very nice dinner. 10 people. One kid.

Unf?

I had an awesome vision of asking an officer to let me substitute my one phone call with a single comment on unfogged.

Thanks for being such sharply friendly folks. This is the best party in town to be a wallflower at, I can tell you that.

What's the story with that "one call" thing, anyway? I made more than one call when I was arrested.

Bumfights itself is evil, I gotta say.

No doubt. It was one of those things I bought not really knowing what the hell it was. Some guy at work claimed he knew someone that said it was great, etc. The fights are just a bunch of shit like you see on psfights, high school kids and stuff. Then there's the filmakers getting a couple of pretty obviously alcoholic and mentally ill hobos to do a bunch of "stunts" where it looks like they're getting seriously hurt. I have no idea how the fuck those guys aren't in jail.

I am thankful for having spent all of Thanksgiving with family, and none of it on the web.

Still, y'all are pretty good, and I am thankful to ogged for leading a fun play-group.

219: It's Bumfights, not Peoplewhocanaffordalawyerfights.

When I first heard about some of the stunts on 'Bumfights' I *really* found myself wanting something heinously unpleasant to happen to the makers.

Well, they did end up getting sentenced to 180 days, but only for not completing the community service they were ordered to perform for "conspiring to stage an illegal fight." They were acquitted on numerous other charges. I'd like to think the legal defense ate up all the profits from the video and then some, but probably not...

Apparently a couple of the 'bums' filed a civil suit (PDF) against the producers, as well, and got an unspecified settlement. He who laughs last...

Yeah, I was thinking a lot more heinous than that. Mere financial discomfort and a few months in jail doesn't seem bad enough, really.

getting a couple of pretty obviously alcoholic and mentally ill hobos to do a bunch of "stunts"

Jesus Christ, that sounds horrible. What the fuck is wrong with people?

What eventually worked for the hiccups was going to sleep (A quick shot of Bushmill's worked for about 15 minutes, but they came back, and repeats didn't help). They were gone when I woke up and stayed away until maybe 2pm.

Well, now you can focus on the digital rectal massage.

Happy belated Thanksgiving, pretend internet friends! I hope you had lots of turkey and a minimum of annoying relatives.

Happy thanksgiving everyone, and this year, no offense meant to ogged, but this year I'm very grateful not to be Iranian.

repeats didn't help

This conflicts with my experience, which is that each repetition of drinking a shot of Bushmill's is more helpful than the previous.

Ogged is basically just a Jackiranian by now anyway.

LB, I'm so sorry to hear about Chris. Best wishes to his family and yours during this difficult time.

Ditto what Becks said, LizardBreath.

Happy belated Thanksiving, all. 11 served in the Chopper house. Thankful for family and friends, my wife, daughter and kid on the way, thankful to live a comfortable middle class lifestyle, thankful for rock and roll, and thankful for 47-year-old balding men.

Condolences, LB.