That could be mouseover text for Unfogged if anyone here had a small penis.

Good point, Mr. Holmes.

Just sayin'.

Another one: "i have a small penis, but my ePenis is HUGE!"

Have you measured, or are you just iBalling it?

I'm already sorry for typing that.

Science!

for every 40 pounds overweight a man is, his fat deposits swallow up an inch of his penis from the bottom up

Nuh uh!

It says, right there!

So, logically, the skinniest men have the longest penii!

Penes, JM. And yes, that is the most logical conclusion.

Who's going to be offensive and racist and say something about starving people in Africa?

So anorexia is basically just another form of penis envy? Damn, Freud was good.

Who's going to be offensive and racist and say something about starving people in Africa?

No one, sicko.

I will note that as I have previously stated, when I met Buck he was 6'1", 135.

I can't wait to see what happens to this thread when b shows up.

14- And the other measurement relevant to the discussion?

Is 14 serious? Because that's really skinny.

Check your email, LB.

So anorexia is basically just another form of penis envy? Damn, Freud was good.

Your banter is most witty.

18: I can't check my hotmail at work -- send it to Unfogged.com if you want a timely reply.

Bah. I don't want to send a second email for something that probably wasn't worth emailing you about in the first place. It's not time-sensitive, so just check at your leisure.

14: How many inches of his penis have been swallowed up since then?

I think asking LB about her fellatio technique is out of bounds, Rob.

Ogged: "I have a small penis, but it's capable of feeling more pain than all those massive cocks."

By weight gain, I meant by weight gain!

The implication in the new mouseover text is "in a Cub Scout".

I presume.

Thanks for making that explicit.

I suppose "I have a huge penis, but..." wouldn't be as good.

The best one is actually "but normal-sized balls."

22: By who???

By LB, presumably. But see 23.

Color me slow on the draw. :)

That's okay, SnackyCakes. But watch it with the emoticons.

"I have a huge penis, but..."

Surprisingly, only one page of results, including:
don't like to brag about it
really small nuts
only compared to elephants
I still have low self-esteem
im impotent
am afraid to use it on that hooker in sacramento

33
Reflexively feminine. The emoticons, I mean. I tack them on unconsciously in situations when I would normally giggle or something. Where I'd cue the other person to indulge me, I guess.

I'll cut it out at once, sarge.

I don't actually mind emoticons, but they seem to be anathema around here.

Maybe that could be my neo-edgy signature move - grating through :)'s. (Do we tell her she's so Y2K? everyone would stage-whisper.)

You know what? This game is kinda fun.

"Every time I take a crap..."

It's a cosmic experience
can I sell tickets to my bathroom?
I say, "Welcome to Wal-Mart!"
there's a possibility I could use my feces to make methane and run my stove
I get grumpy
I would wonder if there is going to be a malfunction
I reach back pull the old handle and say, BYE Mike.
I end up thinking: Hmm, ok my internal anal sphincter is relaxing and my puborectalis is starting to relax.
I'll think about you. *smiles*
at work, I spend about 10 minutes cleaning the stall before hand.

"I have a huge penis and..." gets some pretty funny results.

"I HAVE A HUGE PENIS AND NO ONE LEFT ME A TESTIMONIAL YALL IS RACISIST"

I have a talent for teh unfunny. I thought "as the actress said to the bishop" would be good, but it's all mention and no use.

Dude! Someone winked at me on Nerve! And I still have 1800 points to allow me to build this relationship.

I don't actually mind emoticons, but they seem to be anathema around here.

Oh, now you tell. . not me. Got it.

I'm sad that I never thought to look for mouseover text before.

The obvious one is "I never told anyone this before but"

--in second grade I sent her a secret valentine.
--I really like Christmas trees-but most of all I like Bing Crosby singing 'I'm Dreaming of a White Christmas.'"
--his original email newsletter is what inspired me to begin writing CyberSleuthign back in the day and thus .
--I had an abortion
--I once killed a cat out of passion.
--I love you guys.
--i have elf ancestry.
--in 1993 I wrestled with and defeated a goldfish that was going to destroy France.
--I hate flying, so it would be a shame to die now.

I'm sad that I never thought to look for mouseover text before.

It changes regularly. All the links in the blogroll have mouseover text, too.

I know I've seen the mouseover text before, but it's not showing up now...

Someone winked at me on Nerve!

Cool. Make sure it wasn't an accident.

Did you hear back from the professional dancer with the greatest ass in the world?

oh there it is. See 32.

"my boobs are like"

dog's ears
teabags
bags of small rocks
split into white and red
arms
two brand new inflatable beach balls with exquisite sensitivity
totally predicting rain tonight
a trusted old car
Elizabeth Siddal, all winsome and retiring and intellectual. OK, maybe they aren't all that intellectual.
tennisballsinsocks
a Game Boy
a candle in the wind
cathode ray tubes
rock hard footballs (soccer for you crazy yanks)
two fried eggs
beaver's teeth
a Timex watch

"Jesus wants me to..."

...witness on earth so that with His help we can save as much people as possible.
...have a candybar.
...take this book! Friends, let's help this great Country return to it's True Christian® roots.
...slap the crap out of you, because he wants me to slap some sense into you to realize that what we're doing in Iraq is a good thing.
...be a holy religious, and He will not be happy with me until I use all my strength for Him and become a saint.
...give them my snow blower, though I know good and well I'm not gonna see it again until the dandelions are knee-high in the front lawn.
...live an abundant human life. He wants me to have riches.
...drive an SUV and that's why I do.
...love Him.
...go back on the left side. There is somebody over there that He wants to cure.
...brandish this sword for the sake of the new Anglican Communion.
...use my abilities to ensure that people are treated fairly by society.
...be cool. And as long as it's cool to be associate with Jesus, count me in. Gotta get back to the barbi, mate!
...suffer without any consolation.
...be a priest in the Archdiocese of Chicago. I am sure of that.
...marry The WSID Mentally Challanged Man.
...describe His garments. He has on a burgundy colored robe and a cream - colored, not dress, gown - He says gown, not dress.
...care for you as my mother, so you will live with me in my house.
...use my reputation in ways other than online posting.
...experience graceful living.
...always be a child and to leave all care to Him, and to submit blindly to His holy will.

My boobs are like two fried eggs...I love it. It's like in the cartoons where the breakfast slams into someone's face and the bacon smiles.

46a: I winked back at her, and she winked again. We're now e-mailing. I'm paranoid that the theology thing is going to torpedo it.

46b: No, she never e-mailed me back.

I'm 26, and I find that the bottom end of many women's age range is 27. I also find that when I put in "23-34," it's pretty heavily biased toward the top end.

Adam is younger than me? Oog. I feel so unaccomplished.

I've published a couple essays, but I'm a total emotional cripple who will die alone. So balance that out.

Yeah, It's always been my goal to die in a train station surrounded by hundreds of people, but they keep defunding Amtrak.

I can't wait to see what happens to this thread when b shows up.

All I'm going to say is that my penis is so small it's nonexistent. Which means that this thread is sexist, and also that I'm more intelligent and wittier than the rest of you.*

*Except for LB and Leblanc and the other nonexistent penis havers, obvs.

This poetry engine uses, I think, a version of Google-milking. I have to believe the apostropher has already found it and posted about it somewhere.

my penis is so small it's nonexistent

The one attached to Mr. B or the one attached to the bf?

Apo, when will you understand my philosophy? I don't own their penises.

6: OTOH, since the penis doesn't so such a good job of hitting the important spots while fucking, having a belly that can provide the requisite pressure isn't necessarily a bad thing.

Now B, I'm sure you have a nice closet full of strap-ons.

Not yet. Maybe after I hook up with w-lfs-n in DC.

59: Isn't that what genital piercings are for?

61: Don't flatter yourself, crony.

I wouldn't know.

The advice about "confidence" at the "measurection" link on the first google page is both sad and altogether likely to be based on experience.

64 to 62. 63 obvs. doesn't merit a response.

for every 40 pounds overweight a man is, his fat deposits swallow up an inch of his penis from the bottom up

And adipose tissue produces estrogen, which doesn't do the overweight dudes any favors either. God really has it in for the chubby guys.

"My" doesn't necessarily denote ownership, B. My job, my husband, my friends, etc.

B. makes a very good point in 59, I say.

Don't flatter yourself, crony.

Like you could resist.

I believe 19 is poised to enter the canon, alongside the "baked goods" convention.

68: So your penis is just a rental?

64: neither would I, but I've got it on numerous, if not good authority

72: If you'd like to rent it, I'll bring the lease agreement to the meet-up.

While we're on about genitalia, Jessica Delfino's pussy is magic. nsfw.

Is it safe for a public coffee shop where there might be people behind me up in my screenshot?

Mmm, probably not.

74: I think I'll be plenty occupied that week.

Just as well. That'll give me time to get a cleaning crew in and slap a fresh coat of paint on it.

I was about to say probably. Turn the sound down or put your plugs in the jack, but the images are fleeting, tinted, and on a small screen.

Jessica Delfino's pussy is magic

God bless America, that's funny stuff.

I knew b would enliven this thread.

Although it appears she hasn't fully grasped the concept of alienable vs. unalienable possession.

Uh, that should be "alienable vs. inalienable possession."

I hate having to have the Penis Talk with all the women I start dating. 'I need to tell you something. I... have an enormous penis. Like, amazingly huge. I've never had vaginal intercourse, because all the women I've been with insist that it won't ever fit. But I'm really good at going down on women and I'm totally happy to do so. I just hope that you're not too disappointed.' And I blush uncontrollably every time. Feh.

85: Yeah, it probably makes more sense to just stick with anal.

Perhaps I spoke too soon.

I found ogged's ad on a Muslim personals site:

"Im not gay.but i like gaysex a little"

88 is useless without a link.

There's a niceness to it.

I don't much see the point, Ben. He said he wasn't gay, but here you go.

That page is awesome.

And even if that particular guy isn't gay, ben has plenty of other gay Bangladeshis to choose from.

If Ogged was a professional wrestler, his name would totally be Muslim Rainbow.

I was thinking, The Plutonium Mullah.

Awesome.

Mullah Abdullah

Farian Sabahi has the right approach to the Iranian wrestling pseudonym conundrum.

"I have a small penis but hate emoticons" brings up some interesting pages.

But if you're going with the "Mullah" theme, most of the work has already been done for you.

Apropos of #99, I was surprised by the Google Image results when I searched for "hand in donkey's mouth".

but finishing with "it googlemilks" doesn't bring up a single page. Which I guess shouldn't surprise.

The comment box defaults to the bottom again! Excellent!

Did you know there's a Wikipedia entry for "then the terrorists have won"?

No, I did not. What does it say?

Well, for one thing the Wikiadministrators have put up a notice saying they want to delete it, because it's not a proper encyclopedia entry; it's a list of quotes using the phrase, with sources.

Seems like the entry isn't long for this world. Nor is it very long; seems like it could be filled out with many more quotes and some analysis about post 9/11 rhetoric. Should we adopt it?

Figgers.

108 to 106. Adopting it sounds like a good idea, if we have someone who could say something intelligent about the use of the phrase and its origins. Does anyone have a Nexis subscription?

what about:
"I'm not a pedant, but..."
or
"I hate to be pedantic, but..."

Those should bring up incredibly tedious hits.
(tedious, i.e., pedantic. But I hate to be pedantic about it.)

110: The first hit for "I hate to be pedantic, but":

... it drives me nearly frantic when I see that unromantic syncophantic lot of sluts forever wriggling their guts...

The rest are pretty tedious, though:

... it definitely should be the 'England' team and not the 'English' team.

... you're confusing the Great Trek with The Rocky Horror Picture Show.

... Moore's law isn't specifically about CPU speeds - maybe my wording misled you.

... I believe that it's Jehova's witnesses, not Yehova's.

... the Gazelle Value also seems to be significantly thicker than 1".

... if you are going to claim Ballack then you have to concede Huth (signed with Middlesborough).

... the Iron Maiden version of this song is NOT the version used on A Nightmare On Elm Street 5...

Oh, and "I must take exception to your latin." Can't forget that one.

thanks, DS.
I do know how to use google, but

107: that seems like a good adoption, but somewhere I've seen a blog devoted to deleted wikipedia entries.

I've seen Delfino live, but not in a situation where I could verify her claims.