You need to go straight to the president on this one. Sports are the one thing he does right -- look at how the steroid problem in baseball is just gone now.
What do you think basketball is, cricket?
The obvious flaw in your plan is that playing games to 80 (or whatever) will lead, inevitably, to some games being incredibly short. It'd be hard to televise, hard to sell concessions and merchandise for during the game, and would (probably?) lead to less player exposure. Not exposure in the sense of Kobe, I mean, exposure as a player on the floor. Plus, I bet it would lead to teams completely ditching the concept of defense altogether, and just trying to score points as fast as possible... comparative advantage, and slowly the NBA creeps (more) in the direction of the High school all-star game. Yeah, great suggestion.
And what if instead of the new ball, or even the old ball, they play with a ball that intermittently emits flame?
To 80, by ones. No, seriously, I think a few games each season would be unusually short, but it generally takes a long time to score 80 or 100 points. And defense would be intense as a team got closer to a win. Come on!
If we're allowed to just tinker with the rules, why not give incentives (further incentives) for a particular stat... like The Assist? Something like, "each player gets one penalty-free foul for every assist they record."
Shouldn't be first to 100, win by 4?
Arthegall, I'm fucking serious here.
There's no reason it has to be win-by-4; it could be win-by-1 for that matter.
Don't priss on my idea, Standpipe.
But that wasn't the spirit in which you posted 5, was it?
They already made basketball more exciting once and nobody except me and baa watched it.
I did watch slamball on your recommendation. Oddly repetitive. You don't watch it anymore, do you? (Is it still on?)
No, it disappeared after 2 seasons.
I had like 283 snarky comments all ready, but 4 pwns all of them.
Also, Slamball was the greatest invention in sports history. Repetitive only insofar as every sport is repetitive.
I will never stop being surprised at how much people hate change. This is genius, people. You would have scoffed at the light bulb.
In the National Oggedball League, all the referees will be professional women's beach volleyball players, in uniform.
Usually these radical reforms sound good at first, but have obvious downsides if you think about them. This--not so much. I suppose it might decrease the incentive to put together a really defensively oriented team, as they'd play longer games and wear down more as the season progressed. That's the only major downside I can see.
And halftime comes when someone reaches 50. And take all the TV timeouts you need. The commercial side of the game could adapt to this reality without too much difficulty.
In conclusion, Ogged has a really good idea here. well done.
I'd also like to see boxing matches with no round limits brought back. If both guys are on their feet, the fight ain't over.
17: Yes, basketball qua drag racing is exactly the same as the light bulb. Besides, the people who are "always complaining" about basketball suck and are wrong, so why should I change the game I love for them?
This would turn it into disorganized nonsense with two hoops, which is crappy. Besides, there is much fault with your 90-70 scenario. In a baseball game where the road team is up six entering the bottom of the ninth, I don't sense a lot of pressing urgency from the home team as it comes to bat. 30-10 runs in pro basketball happen almost never.
I'm just sayin'.
17: Yeah, ogged. You should take a poll on this; then not heed the wishes of the Unfoggedtariat and make the change at the NBA anyway. I gotcher back, buddy.
jhupp, anyone who would compare a travesty like baseball to the majesty of basketball is clearly not serious about sports. Fie!
Ultimate Frisbee also uses a system like this, it can work out pretty damn well. After all, the only real way to ever get the points advantage in the first place is through playing some defense, or else you're just trading scores.
The one other thing we typically use which could really help the basketball game is a time cap that's high enough to rarely come into effect. If no one hits the score cap and the time cap expires, the higher score wins. That way if the two teams are amazing at defense, or the conditions are just piss-poor, the game will still end in a decent period of time (the hard cap is usually an hour or a little more). This would also help out the problem of no-defense teams, since they could still do extremely well by just holding out for the time cap if it's only an hour or something reasonable.
I agree. The only problem would be from a financial standpoint - that is, not knowing how long the games would be.
I think the aspects that make basketball so incredibly boring and unexciting compared to baseball would basically all be eliminated by this maneuver.
You have struck a blow from which I may never recover except by a (warning: more baseball-related talk coming) John Rocker-esque "my favorite sport is basketball" defense (true) followed by many rationalizing statements to prove that point. You win, but you're still wrong.
26: I know, ogged. But I'm supporting you here. Why not just be grateful?
I will never stop being surprised at how much people hate change.
Ogged, closet progressive.
In a baseball game where the road team is up six entering the bottom of the ninth, I don't sense a lot of pressing urgency from the home team as it comes to bat.
I disagree about the utility of this analogy. In baseball, the team only has 3 outs to work with - and even in the seventh inning, if they're down by 10 runs, they know they only have 9 outs to work with, and according they judge their chances of winning as tiny. In the proposed basketball situation, the team would have as much time as they could create by preventing the other team from scoring.
27 has put me between the two proverbial hard surfaces: do I let ogged steam, or do I point out the obvious ridiculousness of Ned's statement?
But that wasn't the spirit in which you posted 5, was it?
I thought your idea was a good one and said why it struck me that way, using our sport-in-common for comparison. I'm not out to ruin all of your fun.
Sorry, SB, it's hard to keep track of old, funny Standpipe, sometimes earnest Standpipe and new, bitchy Standpipe. Maybe you should comment in different colors. Maybe we should add colors and different font sizes to the comments. And blinking text, for comments people think are particularly important.
Ned's 27 is so ridiculous that I misread it the first five times, wondering what the hell jhupp thought was wrong with it.
Makes you feel for his fiance, no? I wonder if they talked about that?
Maybe he meant something else. He is cryptic, after all.
Sorry, SB, it's hard to keep track of old, funny Standpipe, sometimes earnest Standpipe and new, bitchy Standpipe.
You don't "keep track". The trinity is supposed to be a mystery.
Of course it won't eliminate all garbage time and routs, but what will? Some teams are much better than others.
My support for Ogged comes from someone (me)who loves basketball in theory but find the NBA tedious as hell, and finds a middling, meaningless, ordinary baseball game far more worthwhile than all but the most exciting basketball games, so he might not want my support. Sport just works so much better when it's about feats rather than clocks. I wish I understood cricket.
That's probably the way to go, apo. So maybe he's saying that my idea would make basketball more like baseball, and the claim that that would make basketball less boring than baseball is sarcastic, so the comment as a whole is saying "dumb idea, ogged." I'd have a lot more respect for Ned if that's what he meant.
Speaking of sports, I'm about to go engage the clan in our annual Monopoly throwdown--but some ridiculous family member has gone and bought a new-and-improved-molested version of the game, with all new properties and yuppie avatars. How am I supposed to replace the Hat--with the Razr (seriously)?
You're the Godhead now, SB? I really have to be careful about bucking up people's egos around here.
Changebad, is what I mean. All that Ogged's rules mean is that Stevie Nash will be the highest paid athlete in history.
It's a good idea, Ogged, but I'm afraid I already have a preferred basketball-saving solution: double bonus = foulless multiball.
44: with lions released onto the court.
Well, you've gotta save something for overtime
On second thought, this might hurt the kitties, leading to more gerbils having to be masturbated at Emerson's lab. So yeah, what tom said.
And they play football instead of basketball, because basketball sucks.
Would you like it better if I opened a slow white guy thread for you, Chopper?
I suddenly feel compelled to point out one thing I've failed to point out before: this system will solve exactly zero of the problems mentioned in the post. Why would you need to watch the first sixty points of a game like this if you don't already need to watch them? Why would teams getting close to the target score not slow down and try to make the parade to the free throw line, or "make every possession count," as they prefer to say? Everyone seems to agree that defense would still be at least a little important, and eventually some team would be super awesome defensively and win, so other teams would try that strategy, too.
Other than keeping the tenth man off the floor a little longer, what does this do to change anything? Keep Carmelo from scoring thirty a game? Hooray!
I need to go brain a rat. I feel rather bad about this.
All that Ogged's rules mean is that Stevie Nash will be the highest paid athlete in history.
Michael Schumacher, actually.
I need to go brain a rat. I feel rather bad about this.
Rats have it coming, just by being rats.
The rat problem:
1) The glue trap was supposed to anesthatize the rat. This did not happen.
2) The rat is glued down on its side. Aiming for the head, I'm very likely to just completely crush its shoulder. Which would be very cruel.
54. But even villians, once helpless before you, deserve mercy.
Aiming for the head, I'm very likely to just completely crush its shoulder. Which would be very cruel.
Just stomp it. Your heel is big enough that your aim doesn't need to be great.
Alternatively, use a cleaver, and scream "there can be only one" on the downstroke.
all new properties and yuppie avatars. How am I supposed to replace the Hat--with the Razr (seriously)?
That's horrible. But enquiring minds want to know: does the money come in higher denominations? Are the utilities the same? What's the equivalent of the railroad? What's the equivalent of Boardwalk? Of Mediterranean?
And incidentally, is the fact that the lowest value properties are Baltic and Mediterranean some kind of ethnic smear, or are there actually streets by that name in Atlantic City?
Also, coming soon for twice as much money, Monopoly Classic!
Jesus.
Only useful for killing Jews and Muslims.
This is why my family plays Scrabble. I also recommend Pop-o-Matic™ Trouble.
wow. that "there can be only one!" thing is really satisfying.
I'm not a rodent fan. A couple years ago a mouse tried to run by while I was in line at Target. A mom and her little girl just watched it run by them, "oh look, a mouse." I stomped it. They looked a bit taken aback.
I'm not actually sure what 59 is trying to convey. I'm guessing it means that Ogged has no moral qualms over killing helpless rats.
Perhaps that there can be only one Jesus? He was just completing 58.
I'm guessing it means that Ogged has no moral qualms over killing helpless rats.
Or he's cringing like a girl at the thought of stomping a rat. Which means there's lots of work to be done before he's going to be able to saw an infidels head off.
59 was a reaction to the thought of stomping the rat. Couldn't you just convince it go elsewhere? It's a big world.
I moved out in the open to get a better swing at it. I never knew rats could cry so plaintively.
Moving it would present a problem. The glue seems pretty strong. Acetane would probably dissolve it, I'm guessing. Might kill the rat, too, as it's head's stuck as well.
Ogged is now furiously thinking of a comeback to 67.
Couldn't you just convince it go elsewhere? It's a big world.
There can be only one.
aaugh!
You can dissolve the glue. Wearing gloves, add vegetable oil to dissolve the glue and, with a pencil, push the mouse off.
I found this information on the internets.
Alternatively, drown the poor little fucker.
72 s/b "with a 10 foot long two-by-four, push the rat off."
Couldn't you just convince it go elsewhere? It's a big world.
ogged makes some good points.
You could teach it English. Show it how to blog. Hand up, not a handout with a hammer smashing down on its poor leetle head.
Ogged is now furiously thinking of a comeback to 67.
No, I'm still prissily cringing.
64: You know, gswift, if that little girl were anything like my little boy, you'd have seriously scarred her for life. You might as well have stomped a kitten.
I feel sure that Michael's done something with the rat by now, but yeah, M: you have to just kill it. Stomping, baseball bat. Run over it with your car? Do you have a car? Drowning it is fucking cruel--how'd you like to be drowned while glued to a piece of cardboard? Do it quickly.
Also, next time buy a proper fucking trap.
Capital Squirrel is watching you incriminate
You know, gswift, if that little girl were anything like my little boy, you'd have seriously scarred her for life.
From seeing the death of a mouse? But really, what else is there to do? It's a mouse. Where I buy food. Not cool.
Bollocks. They don't call them "anesthetic traps." Since when do you believe advertising?
Speaking of anesthetizing it, though, maybe you could do that yourself and then kill it? Anything around the house you could use?
81: You buy groceries at Target? Talk about not cool.
Admittedly the grocery store has to get rid of the mice. But stomping a small furry animal to death in front of a little child is fucking sick, man.
What's up, kids. I'm the first one reporting back from the (very small) LA meetup. Crepes!
Hey, B. Wasn't there some li'l meet-up tonight? If so, incriminating stories?
I was thinking maybe rubbing alcohol, actually, you sicko.
The incriminating story is that I beat LeBlanc.
Who by the way has fucking awesome cleavage. Way better than my own.
Will you kill the thing already! Jiminy! Stomp it!
But stomping a small furry animal to death in front of a little child is fucking sick, man.
Meh, the kid might be traumatized for a while, but that's what childhood is for.
You've come a long way a certain distance from your caterpillar-gluing days, ogged.
You buy groceries at Target? Talk about not cool.
Mostly at Costco. But sometimes you want something in a non metric shitload container. And Super Target, at least up here, has a decent market.
stomping a small furry animal to death in front of a little child is fucking sick, man.
Lordy, are we really this soft these days? That witnessing the death of a rodent is a permanently scarring event?
Seriously, people. Stomping a mouse, from PK's point of view, is like stomping a kitten to anyone else. Worse, probably. He identifies with them b/c they're very small and cute.
I guess 94 wasn't really called for. Hard to break the habit.
No, the death of a rodent might not be permanently scarring. But watching a grownup deliberately STOMP on a small helpless creature that a child thinks is cute and sweet, on the other hand, is, yes.
What, we're not allowed to stomp kittens either? Damn feminists.
I felt horrible about the caterpillar even then, SB. But I was a kid, so I didn't know beforehand how terrible I would feel. In my moral calculus, it's usually ok to kill insects, as long as you have a good reason ("it was roughly in the same place I was" is not a good reason) and you do it quickly. It's also sometimes ok to kill people, because they have it coming. Everything in between is problematic.
100 not to 99; 'twas for tradition.
Will you kill the thing already!
I gave it time to come to terms. It looked very peaceful. Until I caused it's blood to spill everywhere. Argh. I feel evil.
B, you need to toughen that kid up. Or gswift needs to toughen him up for you. People kill animals, way of the world.
It looked very peaceful. Until I caused it's blood to spill everywhere. Argh. I feel evil.
Do a little dance so its spirit can move on.
104: Killing /= deliberate public stomping. Maybe in Iran, you freak, but not here in America.
I admire your commentcraft, sir.
Killing /= deliberate public stomping.
I don't do the concealed carry thing, and there were no pointy sticks within reach. Stomping was the only option.
This new sticky name thing is a bother.
Definition 1 is awesome. Swift might prefer 5.
I'm with gswift on this one; who thinks, "Oh no, child; must not kill the vermin!" I'm not sure I could do it myself, but some random kid wouldn't play any part in the decision.
If the kid's sitting there with her mom going, "oh, look, a mouse!" you'd stomp it in front of the kid?
And no! No! I am not going to let this go! Never!
B gets her meds by mouse courier. When you stomp a mouse, we all lose.
If you don't want your kid to see the pain of the world, blind him. Or build a big wall around the house and don't let him off the grounds. Though, IIRC, that didn't work out as intended.
Yes, I demand not only that you refrain from stomping mammals in front of kids, but also that you smile at all times and wear flowers in your hair. Especially you, Tim.
If I see a rodent in a store, I think, "Hmph, hungry rodent; I better check my products very well for mouse-y bites before checkout."
Of course, I'm a progressive and all that.
Mice are nasty little disease carriers with horrible bathroom habits. The last time I lived in a house with a mouse problem, I got the glue traps precisely so they would be alive and stuck down all day long, waiting for me to come home at night and snap their mousy necks with a horseshoe.
I am officially not going to respond to anything more about mice.
Instead, I am going to go coo and click at Micky and Squeaky and make sure they have water and see if they got their treats tonight.
122: You know what works better than that? A cat.
Domesticated mice are fine; it's their feral, shit-in-my-silverware cousins that I hate.
Just remember that the souls of the little mousies you stomp are reincarnated as Presa Canarios, who will attack your sorry ass and tear gobbets of flesh from your bones and small children will watch with glee and feed the nice doggies treats afterward.
And yes, m. leblanc out-cleavaged all of us. When last seen, she was luring Ben out into the night. As she has posted and he has not, we can only wonder...
At how long it takes to drive from Santa Monica to Irvine.
124: My cat traps all sorts of things and brings them back, normally still quite alive. Usually I free the things (most of which are birds) to the cat's dismay. The cat won't touch the monster crickets, though.
The only time we ever saw a mouse in our house was shortly after our cat died. We immediately got another cat.
Goodnight to rats, mice, and cats everywhere.
Me too. 'Night everyone. Apo, remind me not to eat at your house until you get a cat.
My roommate moved, and I put out ads to rent out his room. I live in the conservative South, so this is not something I expected:
as a practicing nudist, at home, i spend much of my time naked. i would never be naked around guests/family. but you would have to be able to accept me moving about the apartment naked sometimes, watching tv, etc. i also am str8 and have a gf.
i'm not a perv. it's just a lifestyle choice that i am enjoying/experimenting with.
i have references.
It seems everyone's gone to bed, but I just uploaded a picture of my cat.
That cat has some seriously long hair.
That "i also am str8 and have a gf." is awesome.
Uh, dude, the gay thing is not really on the list of worries. What is a worry is that you'll be pressing your bare sphincter into the couch cushion while you watch t.v.
Quite a handsome cat. Also, teo: a larger person than I expected.
I am so tempted to ask for his references.
Maybe his parents are just small. I think he said once he's like 5'9 or something, but I might be thinking of someone else.
What would have been really awesome, from an outsiders viewpoint, is if the new roomate hadn't mentioned his hobby at all.
Funny: "A prospective roomate is a nudist."
Funnier. "Holy shit, our new roomate is a nudist."
134: I think that's why she likes the cold.
I am indeed about 5'9. My parents are somewhat shorter.
While my mother is counting down to the last $10,000 bill in hopes of finding some accounting trick by which she beats me, I'll get to these:
does the money come in higher denominations?
Yes, $10-500K.
Are the utilities the same?
It's cell phone and ISP, still as useless as ever.
What's the equivalent of the railroad?
Airports.
What's the equivalent of Boardwalk?
Times Square.
Of Mediterranean?
Something park? I forget--it's a stadium. The second-cheapest property is Texas Stadium, and when my dad landed it, he stood up and pantomimed the forcible removal of Jerry Jones from the building. "Pardon me, Mr. Jones, if you could step this way, [BOOT]"
I'm in the same boat. 5'9, but parents are 5'6 and 5'3. But you're getting a couple extra inches out of that 'fro.
Yeah, the fro made me look taller. Alas, it is no more.
127: No, no, you're supposed to smile knowingly and say something off-handed about being a gentleman, then saunter off whistling.
Have we taught you nothing at the Mineshaft??
What do you mean? I didn't tell how long the trip took.
147: And why are you still awake? I made the mistake of ingesting more than my RDA of caffeine and may never sleep again.
148: Did you really need to link to a definition? (Although #3 is great; I mean, "fried gold"? Classic.)
But I did discover that shopping at 10pm avoids the crowds. I love an empty mall.
Admittedly, by-passing that alarm at Macy's and subduing the security guard took some effort, but hey, that caffeine OD paid off.
Did you really need to link to a definition?
I figure some of the old folks aren't up to date on the lingo. And the additional definitions are often great.
Fair enough. Now fetch me a slice of fried gold.
And why are you still awake?
Massive heartburn and a guilty conscience.
My sympathies to Michael on the rat situation.
I saw a Monopoly edition yesterday that instead of having cash, had cards and a card reader.
and a guilty conscience.
Maybe next time it'll help to spread the pain around. Invite over some neighbor kids to look at the cute rat. Then quickly behead it before they have a chance to look away. They'll thank you when they're older.
I figure some of the old folks aren't up to date on the lingo
Yeah, sure, we all stopped lingoing around the time "twentythree-skiddoo" was popular. Back in the old days when some guy walked in front ofone's Hupmobile waving a red flag to warn off the pedestrians.
Could "road head" be anymore obvious??
Heh. Knew I'd get a rise out of someone with that line.
Uppity young varmints. Whole country's going to hell in a handbasket whilst you young 'uns sit around lingoing. I tell you, in my day, we didn't sit around making up fancy words, no siree. Plain old Anglo-Saxon worked just fine, you goat-fucking little weasels. Then those goddamn Romans invaded and the next thing you know, they're calling good old-fashioned cock-sucking "fellatio" and calling some poor gel's cunt a "virginia", like it was some fancy pants things instead of a decent snatch.
World's just falling apart, I say.
Apo, remind me not to eat at your house until you get a cat.
I have two cats.
As a refinement in technique, I suggest the one-legged hop on small critters instead of a plain old stomp. That avoids the splashing of red & gray sticky stuff on one's other foot and ankle.
Or, in less populated areas, use this.
In my youth I had a pet boa constrictor named Victoria, whom I fed on rodents purchased from the pet store on an approximately weekly basis. I would bring the creature home, pop it into the cage, the snake would tense up for a few minutes, then strike. Well: one time I brought Vicky a nice plump white rat, but she didn't seem interested. A half hour later, I walked by the cage; the rat was in one corner cringing, the snake in another corner not paying any attention. Made me a little nervous. A while later, the snake still not interested, the rat was getting over its fear and venturing around the snakeless section of the cage, pissing and shitting to mark it out (I guess). I kind of freaked out -- I didn't want the rat around in the snake's cage not being eaten. I didn't have any rat cage where I could keep it until the snake felt hungry. "I'll have to kill it," I thought. But how? I don't have any deadly weapons on hand. The cleaver idea crossed my mind but I felt squeamish about it, and I couldn't figure out how to make the rat sit still while I cut off its head. Long story short, I ended up bludgeoning it to death with a hammer. That is not a pleasant memory. Michael, I hope your rat situation worked out in a less gory way.
(It was not long after that, that I gave Victoria away to someone who seemed better suited to taking care of her.)
165 is a great example of why too much introspection can be a bad thing.
I'd also like to see boxing matches with no round limits brought back. If both guys are on their feet, the fight ain't over.
yes I can see how this would be a good improvement to the sport of boxing ...
... for a Yank sissy.
I am in favour of reintroducing gypsy rules. That is to say, the fight is over when one man gives up. If he is knocked unconscious, then you wait for him to come round and then he can make the decision about whether he wants to carry on (obviously there have to be some minor rules dealing with persistent vegetative states; compromises have to be made for television as we can't really have a bout lasting for thirty years).
Just have them fight to the death and be done with it. Bet it'd get fucking huge audiences.
Cal Coolidge - that's insane. You should have just left the rat there, it'd have got eaten eventually.
it'd have got eaten eventually.
Maybe not. I had a friend with a pet boa who ended up with a pet boa and a pet rat by this very route.
170 - who knew boas were such picky eaters! Rats are good pets though, we have one (had two, one died).
"Holy shit, our new roomate is a nudist."
I had, until now, managed to avoid thinking of the awkward months I spent living with a deaf Russian nudist. Oh, the horror.
Apo's friend lives at the Tokyo zoo?
What basketball really needs is a snitch.
I've had a lot of mouse problems, and usually I end up putting out poison. The problem with poison is that the mice often don't immediately die. Sometimes they wander out of the walls, completely befuddled. A panicky encounter with one of these mice ended with its death via cast-iron frying pan.
176: What's worse is when they die in the wall, with just the putrefying mouse smell to remind you of them.
However, it can be cool, for some values of "cool," when you find mummified corpses in strange hide-away spots.
Keep an eye on your back when JM's around.
(Lest she kill and mummify you, I mean, and squirrel your corpse away in one of her hidey-holes.)
(do you post like this all the time?)
The problem with poison is that the mice often don't immediately die.
That and if your mice eat the poison and then wander off somewhere else and somebody's cat eats the mouse, somebody's cat dies an agonizing death from internal bleeding.
You people are bad people.
Yeah, but you should see the mice blogs. Full—full! I tell you—of invective, they are. Fucking mice.
Stanley, you fool! If she finds out about the mice blogs, we'll never see her again.
I have two vs 'cause they're like teeth
vv
^^
chomping a mouse!
JM makes it sound like a rodent version of A Rose for Emily.
I've had good results with traditional snap-traps. A monograph I have, based on behavioral research in the fifties, called Mice All Over, suggested that most snaps are caused by mice running over them almost blindly—didn't say anything about farmers' wives. So placement, in known runs, is crucial. Forget about bait..
B, you don't live in a crowded urban environment surrounded by fast-food places, do you? There's rat-poison all over the goddamn place; that's why the mice are eating the crumbs in my third-floor walk-up rather than pigging out in the food-filled garbage cans nearby.
My experience is that glue-traps do not fucking work: little mouse-tracks, little mouse-hairs, tittering across the surface. Spring-traps don't work, but they do snap your fingers something awful while you load them. Oh, and plugging the visible mouseholes isn't enough either.
In my previous, mouse-infested apartment, I found, in my six years living there, that there were only two effective mouse-abating techniques: poison, and never cooking anything more elaborate than ramen.
I'm really not going to feel bad about putting out poison for mice that cats might eat. This is not a natural ecosphere; cats here don't have some right to presume that their prey is organic food.
I used to live in a crowded urban environment surrounded by restaurants and dumpsters. And my cat kept my place mouse and rat free.
cats here don't have some right to presume that their prey is organic food. Dude, harsh much?
Here's my grandad's Better Mousetrap, which I'm sure I've talked about before:
--Fill a bucket halfway with water.
--Cover the bucket with plastic wrap.
--Smear plastic wrap with bacon grease.
--Slash holes in plastic wrap.
--Build a ramp from the floor to the top of the bucket.
B, I was reacting to this:
You people are bad people.
If I had had foresight, long ago I would have made B-Bingo, with squares like "claims stripping is a sport," "claims deafness isn't a disability," and "accuses us all of speciesism." Except, instead of saying "bingo!" when you won, you would say "That's it! I'm fucking voting Republican!"
Death to rodents. Years ago, the people who used to live next door used a big shed in their backyard to dump all their garbage. The contractors who tore the shed down after the place changed hands found themselves running all over the yard with shovels trying to bludgeon the countless rats that suddenly turned up. Hilarious in retrospect, horrifying at the time.
What, we're not allowed to say things like that any more? Since when?
You forgot "hates everyone" and "hates America." Also, "that's not funny."
I'm listening to a mouse crawl around the drop ceiling in my basement right now. I want to get a hammer and just start smashing.
PK just fed his mice, and reports that "they are cute."
Hey, speaking of killing animals -- you know what's really cute? Lambs and ducks. You know what I'm making for Christmas dinner? Yep. Yum!
Oh, also, he came running in earlier today, big smile all over his face, to report that on some tv show he was watching "someone was appreciating mice!"
I'm telling you, you people are all evil. You might as well just tear this little boy's heart right out with your mouse-murdering ways.
JM, do you AIM? I'm trying to settle a bet with B. I'm chopper73gb.
201: We're having duck tomorrow and goose on Sunday. Mmm, poultry.
If you raised your boy American, he wouldn't have so much trouble living in America. No, wait, you want the entire rest of the country to bend to your will and let the disease carrying vermin flourish, because you have your boy believing that vermin are cute. At least there'll always be a job for him at Taco Bell.
Ooh! Ooh! Teacher, Chopper's violating off-blog whateverit'scalled!!!!!
203: You mean Jackmormon, right?
202: Okay, with kids it's different. We went to a park where the fountain walls turned out to be mouse warrens, and I scored major daddy points by tracking some down so my daughters could chase after the horrid vermin adorable little things.
B, have you heard of how random hyperbolic denunciations of an individual's experience can sometimes be perceived by that individual as an attack?
Actually, PK loves Taco Bell. Don't ask me why, I think he does it just to piss me off.
he came running in earlier today, big smile all over his face, to report that on some tv show he was watching "someone was appreciating mice!"
Dude, life is going to rip that kid's guts out.
Well, baby deer are. I believe I've mentioned here before John McPhee's assessment of deer as "rats with hooves."
The question is, which is tastier? That's a toughie.
211: Not if his mama gets to life's guts first.
208 was me.
Chopper, I have no idea if I AIM or not. I have some sort of chat function that came with my (real-name) gmail. Um. Send me an email?
Deer are cuter than lambs.
Lambs are nice and easy to kill too. No tracking, no shooting. Just go in the backyard and cut their throat, in the manner of clan Ogged.
I have nothing against eating lamb, mind you. I just want to make sure that if you're deciding what to eat on the basis of cuteness, you not ignore deer.
Or kittens.
Rabbits really aren't that cute.
Not if his mama gets to life's guts first.
How advanced is his reading? Cause maybe it's time for A Day No Pigs Would Die. I think that part where he helps his dad slaughter his pet pig would toughen him up.
How advanced is his reading?
He claimed to be able to read upside-down, and then completely choked on "explanandum".
Yeah, I've got a rabbit in the freezer, but figured that it might be a bit much for my wife and her family to handle. I'll have to make it sometime when it's just me and the girls, and soon, before they get all squeamish about eating cuddly things.
I'll have to make it sometime when it's just me and the girls, and soon, before they get all squeamish about eating cuddly things.
Have them watch you slaughter a live one.
221: He's just getting to the point where he can read on his own. I loved that book as a kid; PK absolutely cannot tolerate sad animal stories. He won't even let me read him Charlotte's Web, and he hates spiders.
220: Oh yeah?
Have them watch you slaughter a live one.
They really enjoy doing things themselves. And they're nearly four, so they're perfectly capable of wielding hammers.
You don't slaughter a rabbit with a hammer. You hold it up by its hind legs and hit it, hard, where the head joins the neck, with a thick stick. Ideally something like a 1" dowel.
And make sure you kill the fuckers, or they start screaming when you skin them, which is pretty awful.
There's a video of a rabbit being caught by a hawk and killed by a man on YouTube. What's PK's email address? (Note: I didn't actually watch the rabbit being killed, but I think that's what was about to happen.)
You hold it up by its hind legs and hit it, hard, where the head joins the neck, with a thick stick. Ideally something like a 1" dowel.
Yeah, my dad used to use a handle from a hatchet.
Gut them quick, and often the heart's still beating, which is pretty neat.
B, you sound as though you're speaking from experience?
He in fact has an email address, which I am not going to give you.
I knew you had some American in you.
Crap, 225's response to 220 was supposed to be something else. Here, try this or this, instead.
James Redfi/eld claims that after hearing a rabbit squealing while being killed, he couldn't eat rabbits anymore.
I couldn't eat the one that squealed, I admit it.
I couldn't eat the one that squealed
There were a couple times with rabbits and ducks that my dad missed a tiny bit of fur, or a feather or two, and it would lead to recognition.
"Oh no, it's Blacky." (quiet weeping from the smaller kids as we ate)
(quiet weeping from the smaller kids as we ate)
Ogged's link to his childhood depravity killed the thread.
