Re: War Whoops And Dirty Talk

1

I've been known to yell really loud. Also, the little mewling noises that sound almost like one is about to cry.


Posted by: bitchphd | Link to this comment | 02- 3-07 8:08 PM
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2

Mostly they complained about you, as I recall.


Posted by: Gonerill | Link to this comment | 02- 3-07 8:09 PM
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3

What do *you* do, Ogged? I notice that you talked about what the women you've slept with do, but not you yourself. Chicken.


Posted by: bitchphd | Link to this comment | 02- 3-07 8:09 PM
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4

I'll answer (3), but it'll cost you.


Posted by: FL | Link to this comment | 02- 3-07 8:10 PM
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5

Name your price.


Posted by: bitchphd | Link to this comment | 02- 3-07 8:10 PM
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6

For betraying Ogged? Maybe like a cup of coffee. Wait, he has those annoying and drunk voicemails from DC. Never mind, I'll carry his secrets to the grave.


Posted by: FL | Link to this comment | 02- 3-07 8:12 PM
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Coward. We were all there when you made those calls; there's nothing to hide.


Posted by: bitchphd | Link to this comment | 02- 3-07 8:13 PM
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8

Back to the topic of the thread, I can't say I've ever been genuinely surprised by anyone yelling anything weird during sex. I did hear my roommate giving what I thought were rather detailed and obnoxious instructions once, though.


Posted by: FL | Link to this comment | 02- 3-07 8:15 PM
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9

I'm dead silent during sex, except if I'm actually talking or heavy breathing when I orgasm. A couple of lovers have commented, I dunno why I am the way I am.


Posted by: Nbarnes | Link to this comment | 02- 3-07 8:16 PM
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10

Labs, the topic is what noises do YOU make. Don't be pushing this off on the girls the way that sexist Ogged's trying to do.


Posted by: bitchphd | Link to this comment | 02- 3-07 8:17 PM
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11

Wait, I've got that .wav file right here....


Posted by: FL | Link to this comment | 02- 3-07 8:17 PM
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12

Yelling? Weird. I think that's much like the spanking thing for me, stuff I couldn't even try to fake as I'd just start laughing.


Posted by: gswift | Link to this comment | 02- 3-07 8:19 PM
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13

So far all the macho boys except Nbarnes are big chickenshits, I see.


Posted by: bitchphd | Link to this comment | 02- 3-07 8:20 PM
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14

No, the topic is not what noises YOU make, but any interesting noise/talk experiences you have to share. Since people don't usually want to tell their own secrets, I expect they'll talk about their partners.


Posted by: ogged | Link to this comment | 02- 3-07 8:20 PM
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15

Eh, I'm quiet too. Not chicken so much as nothing to report.


Posted by: gswift | Link to this comment | 02- 3-07 8:21 PM
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16

Out of cowardice, you'll all betray the people you sleep with. Lovely.


Posted by: bitchphd | Link to this comment | 02- 3-07 8:21 PM
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17

B, you're losing it.


Posted by: ogged | Link to this comment | 02- 3-07 8:22 PM
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18

Cowardice vs narcissism is a tough choice, according to the Man Code.


Posted by: Gonerill | Link to this comment | 02- 3-07 8:23 PM
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19

I recite the 18th Brumaire during sex.


Posted by: ben w-lfs-n | Link to this comment | 02- 3-07 8:23 PM
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20

If only more of our esteemed cobloggers were here.


Posted by: FL | Link to this comment | 02- 3-07 8:24 PM
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21

I find that weird. I'll be frank about my own whatever it is, but I won't talk about the sex lives or habits of others.

Then again, I guess my being chivalrous is in line with my actually being a man.


Posted by: bitchphd | Link to this comment | 02- 3-07 8:25 PM
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22

I recite the 18th Brumaire during sex.

"Men make sweet, sweet love, but they do not do so just as they please, but under cirucmstances already given and transmitted from the past."


Posted by: Gonerill | Link to this comment | 02- 3-07 8:26 PM
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23

If I were less discreet, I'd tell you what noises the (straight) men of Unfogged make.

But that would be wrong.


Posted by: bitchphd | Link to this comment | 02- 3-07 8:27 PM
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24

23: I'll give you a dollar.


Posted by: FL | Link to this comment | 02- 3-07 8:29 PM
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25

I don't make any unintentional noises, and neither have three of the four partners I've had. In all these cases, the only noises were made intentionally, to encourage the other, or to give instructions. But I had one partner who couldn't restrain herself from shouting at the least hint of direct stimulation. It was very surprising at first. This prevented us from doing anything when anyone else was in the same house/apartment, to prevent embarrassment.


Posted by: Cryptic Ned | Link to this comment | 02- 3-07 8:29 PM
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26

I'll sell myself out, but not other people.

I'm better than you are, Labs.


Posted by: bitchphd | Link to this comment | 02- 3-07 8:32 PM
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27

Dammit!


Posted by: FL | Link to this comment | 02- 3-07 8:34 PM
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28

I think this is an example of the sort of thread in which people who have met a lot of other commenters are not going to want to share.

Ha ha, I knew the awesomeness of UnFoGertyCon would backfire in some way or other.


Posted by: Cryptic Ned | Link to this comment | 02- 3-07 8:35 PM
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29

If I were more of a little bitch, I would point out that the implicit claim of 23, that B knows what noises the straight men of unfogged make during sex, is already indiscreet.


Posted by: ben w-lfs-n | Link to this comment | 02- 3-07 8:35 PM
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30

This thread should really be more interesting than it is. You people suck.


Posted by: bitchphd | Link to this comment | 02- 3-07 8:35 PM
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31

Unlike Labs, I didn't name names. Why point out my indiscretion and not his? Feeling worried, hmmm?


Posted by: bitchphd | Link to this comment | 02- 3-07 8:37 PM
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32

Things said by sex partners? "You done yet"? "Hurry up, I have to get the kids to school"

Things said by me: "did you lock the bedroom door"?

Is this what you have in mind?

Anything else you want to know about the sex lives of old people?


Posted by: Idealist | Link to this comment | 02- 3-07 8:37 PM
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33

I don't see Labs naming names in this thread. Are you high?


Posted by: ben w-lfs-n | Link to this comment | 02- 3-07 8:38 PM
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34

You people suck.

Little by little, more is revealed.


Posted by: Gonerill | Link to this comment | 02- 3-07 8:38 PM
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35

30 is so right. For some reason, my colleagues seeing the gay sex jokes is ok, but the yelling might put them off.


Posted by: FL | Link to this comment | 02- 3-07 8:38 PM
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36

No, Ben! It's a trap!


Posted by: ogged | Link to this comment | 02- 3-07 8:38 PM
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37

32 is awesome.


Posted by: gswift | Link to this comment | 02- 3-07 8:39 PM
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38

I did, however, have sex with someone who actually said (rather than made noises that could be transcribed as) "Oh, oh, oh, oh." It was sort of suprising, but since it didn't come across as insincere, it wasn't bothersome.


Posted by: James K Polk | Link to this comment | 02- 3-07 8:40 PM
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39

I'm willing to bet that Labs has, at least once, uttered some WWF catchphrase during sex.


Posted by: ogged | Link to this comment | 02- 3-07 8:40 PM
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40

No, Ben! It's a trap!

See, now ogged is giving up the details.


Posted by: Gonerill | Link to this comment | 02- 3-07 8:41 PM
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41

33, see 4 and 6.


Posted by: bitchphd | Link to this comment | 02- 3-07 8:41 PM
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42

Everyone already knew that Labs had the skinny on ogged, so he hasn't really given us any new info.


Posted by: ben w-lfs-n | Link to this comment | 02- 3-07 8:43 PM
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43

I really dislike a lot of talking. Instructive guidance where needed is one thing, but lots of "yeah fuck me baby" porn-style dialogue is really irritating. Moaning is different; the louder and more theatric the better, as long as nobody's right around to hear. I'm trying to imagine how I'd feel about outright hollering like Ogged describes, and I think I'd probably dig it.


Posted by: cerebrocrat | Link to this comment | 02- 3-07 8:44 PM
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44

Right you are, Ogged. Snap into a Slim Jim!


Posted by: FL | Link to this comment | 02- 3-07 8:44 PM
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45

First off, lots of girls make these really damn high pitched squealy moans right prior to cumming. It totally sketches me out.

Second, why when people talk during sex do they try to be all smoky and low pitched and slow? Girls saying normal stuff in normal voices and sometimes giggling is much hotter than being all weird.

I don't actually say much. I'm introverted tho i just enjoy being able to be with someone and not talk. 90% of the time people expect or at least reward conversing so its a nice break.


Posted by: yoyo | Link to this comment | 02- 3-07 8:45 PM
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46

Also, an acquintance reports that one sex partner talked *a lot* about the various goings on, the room, the lighting, whatever was on her mind. At one point he asked her to shut up, which I thought was rude, but understandable.


Posted by: FL | Link to this comment | 02- 3-07 8:46 PM
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47

42: Nonetheless. And neither did I.

43: I have to admit that what Labs called "detailed and obnoxious instructions" can actually be really hot, if done the right way. The way people do it in porn movies just sounds bored.


Posted by: bitchphd | Link to this comment | 02- 3-07 8:46 PM
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48

45: "So, baby, can I fuck you? It'd be a nice break from all this yapping."


Posted by: bitchphd | Link to this comment | 02- 3-07 8:48 PM
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49

I saw this post, and I said to myself "I bet we hit sexism by comment 10." Scout's honor.


Posted by: baa | Link to this comment | 02- 3-07 8:49 PM
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50

Cowardice vs narcissism is a tough choice, according to the Man Code.

An interesting thing about Man Law; unlike any other kind of law, it can be twisted to suit one's ends: I was once refusing to kiss and tell, and a guy friend said, "Come on, be a guy."


Posted by: ogged | Link to this comment | 02- 3-07 8:49 PM
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51

47: dude, if you heard them, you wouldn't think it was hot. It was like, irritated, and "shhh, don't make so much NOISE." I was all, "this woman is doing you a favor; you could at least be gracious about it."


Posted by: FL | Link to this comment | 02- 3-07 8:50 PM
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52

49: I didn't want to disappoint you, Baa.


Posted by: bitchphd | Link to this comment | 02- 3-07 8:50 PM
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53

baa, be honest, was it sexism or "sexism" that you were expecting?


Posted by: FL | Link to this comment | 02- 3-07 8:50 PM
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54

Second, why when people talk during sex do they try to be all smoky and low pitched and slow? Girls saying normal stuff in normal voices and sometimes giggling is much hotter than being all weird.

I disagree, I find it appealing to keep up the illusion that once we remove our clothes we enter a different and more sensual world. But then again I don't live in one of those places where wearing clothes is unnecessary for normal decorum.


Posted by: Cryptic Ned | Link to this comment | 02- 3-07 8:51 PM
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55

I had a friend who lived down the hall from me freshman and sophomore years--real quiet guy with a gentle demeanor. His girlfriend was rather different. She went to a different school but visited rather often (once every couple weeks or so), and every night she was there everyone on the hall could hear her. The noise she made was largely along the lines of "ooh, fuck me"; the first time I heard it I thought someone was blasting porno (and I was not alone in that impression). It was kind of a running joke among the rest of us on the hall. We never mentioned it to him, because it would have embarrassed him so much (her, probably not), but they must have known we knew.


Posted by: teofilo | Link to this comment | 02- 3-07 8:51 PM
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56

I don't make any unintentional noises, and neither have three of the four partners I've had.

God, do I wish I'd had any or all of you as college roommates, instead of some of the ones I actually did have.


Posted by: Magpie | Link to this comment | 02- 3-07 8:51 PM
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57

An interesting thing about Man Law; unlike any other kind of law, is that it can be twisted to suit one's ends: I was once refusing to kiss and tell, and a guy friend said, "Come on, be a guy."

I started where you are, but I've come around to your friend's position on this one: unless it's serious, you have an obligation.


Posted by: SomeCallMeTim | Link to this comment | 02- 3-07 8:51 PM
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58

51: Yeah, it can also be really assholish and an instant "get the fuck out of here, now" thing. But when a guy who's really quite polite and even a little quiet starts talking a little dirty in a deliberate and still quietly-inflected way, it's way hot.


Posted by: bitchphd | Link to this comment | 02- 3-07 8:52 PM
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59

I had exactly the same experience as 55, except that instead of a quiet and shy guy it was a cartoonishly friendly guy who seemed to be devoting his life to impersonating G. Love.


Posted by: Cryptic Ned | Link to this comment | 02- 3-07 8:53 PM
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60

48: Hmm, maybe there are upsides to sex after all.


Posted by: teofilo | Link to this comment | 02- 3-07 8:54 PM
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61

Snap into a Slim Jim!

Sources report Macho Man talks like that all the time.


Posted by: gswift | Link to this comment | 02- 3-07 8:54 PM
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62

60: No, Teo, there aren't. You should avoid it for as long as possible.


Posted by: bitchphd | Link to this comment | 02- 3-07 8:55 PM
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63

"I disagree, I find it appealing to keep up the illusion that once we remove our clothes we enter a different and more sensual world. But then again I don't live in one of those places where wearing clothes is unnecessary for normal decorum."

perhaps i could enjoy this; people are just overdoing it by an order of magnitude. but i've not been lusting over some mystery personality, i'm been trying to fuck some particular girl b/c i thought she was hot and i'd really appreciate if that was the one that showed up for the sexing instead of this other random personality.


Posted by: yoyo | Link to this comment | 02- 3-07 8:56 PM
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64

We never mentioned it to him, because it would have embarrassed him so much

Are you fucking kidding me? As a guy, you have an obligation to give him shit about this stuff.


Posted by: gswift | Link to this comment | 02- 3-07 8:56 PM
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65

64: He was also really big.


Posted by: teofilo | Link to this comment | 02- 3-07 8:57 PM
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66

Well then, you can understand why she was saying those things.


Posted by: bitchphd | Link to this comment | 02- 3-07 8:58 PM
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67

"We never mentioned it to him, because it would have embarrassed him so much"

Hm, my copy of the ManCode indicates you should have talked about this constantly. what about even scalia and scrivenor's errors?


Posted by: yoyo | Link to this comment | 02- 3-07 8:59 PM
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68

Never said I couldn't.


Posted by: teofilo | Link to this comment | 02- 3-07 8:59 PM
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69

62: Yes, ma'am!


Posted by: teofilo | Link to this comment | 02- 3-07 9:00 PM
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70

Once upon a time I lived near a guy from Wales who regularly screamed something unintelligible and quite loud out into the courtyard after his bed had banged against the wall for a time. The rest of us speculated about it being a Celtic war-cry. Whatever, it was quite impressive.


Posted by: Biohazard | Link to this comment | 02- 3-07 9:00 PM
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71

be honest, was it sexism or "sexism" that you were expecting?

I have been informed that this is a false dichotomy, oppressor.


Posted by: baa | Link to this comment | 02- 3-07 9:01 PM
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72

There was some ridiculous quasi-gothic woman at college whose boyfriend was a DJ who drove a hearse. Apparently the shouting was first hilarious, then really irritating.


Posted by: FL | Link to this comment | 02- 3-07 9:01 PM
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73

Did he actually haul bodies in the hearse, or was it just for show?


Posted by: teofilo | Link to this comment | 02- 3-07 9:03 PM
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74

False dichotomy my ass; I meant the use/[wo]mention distinction. Then again, I just left a long comment about relevance implicature at Patterico's, so I'm not to be trusted.


Posted by: FL | Link to this comment | 02- 3-07 9:03 PM
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75

He was a DJ, not an undertaker, Teo. I'm pretty sure it was just for show.


Posted by: FL | Link to this comment | 02- 3-07 9:04 PM
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76

some ridiculous quasi-gothic woman at college whose boyfriend was a DJ who drove a hearse

whoa. where did you go to college again? It wasn't in NY state, was it?


Posted by: cerebrocrat | Link to this comment | 02- 3-07 9:04 PM
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77

a Celtic war-cry.

Oh Christ. Probably it was just the name of his home town. Or possibly his mother.


Posted by: Gonerill | Link to this comment | 02- 3-07 9:04 PM
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78

Were you the RQGW or her boyfriend, cerebrocrat?


Posted by: Cryptic Ned | Link to this comment | 02- 3-07 9:05 PM
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79

He could have been an undertaker who DJed on the side. Or vice versa.


Posted by: teofilo | Link to this comment | 02- 3-07 9:06 PM
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80

DJed on the other side, maybe.


Posted by: Gonerill | Link to this comment | 02- 3-07 9:06 PM
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81

Yeah, cerebrocrat, it was. Huh.


Posted by: FL | Link to this comment | 02- 3-07 9:06 PM
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82

That too.


Posted by: teofilo | Link to this comment | 02- 3-07 9:06 PM
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83

Póg mo thóin!!


Posted by: ogged | Link to this comment | 02- 3-07 9:08 PM
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84

Weirdly, I remember their names, too. If C and I went to college together, that would be odd.


Posted by: FL | Link to this comment | 02- 3-07 9:10 PM
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85

Incidentally, last year that friend and his girlfriend both studied abroad in Ireland. I wonder what the Irish thought of the noise.


Posted by: teofilo | Link to this comment | 02- 3-07 9:12 PM
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86

81: shutthefuckup. For real?!

78: heh. neither, thank heavens, but I was friendly with goth gal when she lived in my dorm (I'd only call her "quasi-" because when she first showed up, she was a metal chick rather than a goth gal. Then the hearse-driving boyfriend arrived.)


Posted by: cerebrocrat | Link to this comment | 02- 3-07 9:12 PM
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87

C, was she from a rich family who sent her to State as punishment for doing badly at some private school?


Posted by: FL | Link to this comment | 02- 3-07 9:13 PM
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88

"Father Jeff" was his nom de spin, as I recall.


Posted by: FL | Link to this comment | 02- 3-07 9:13 PM
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89

What would be funnier: that we know the same guy, or that we know different hearse-driving DJs?


Posted by: FL | Link to this comment | 02- 3-07 9:14 PM
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90

But when a guy who's really quite polite and even a little quiet starts talking a little dirty in a deliberate and still quietly-inflected way, it's way hot.

"Suck my cock, and environs.".


Posted by: Standpipe Bridgeplate | Link to this comment | 02- 3-07 9:14 PM
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91

Wait, don't confuse her with that other goth chick.


Posted by: FL | Link to this comment | 02- 3-07 9:15 PM
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92

87,88: I'm embarrassed to admit that although we were friendly (not really friends; I was the RA on her floor), I don't know this about her and knew her boyfriend even less. I wasn't a very attentive RA, but I recall that their lovemaking sounds were well-known and not much appreciated on the floor.


Posted by: cerebrocrat | Link to this comment | 02- 3-07 9:18 PM
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93

I'm trying to remember the name of the dorm. Allegheny? On the south side, but all the names blend together.


Posted by: FL | Link to this comment | 02- 3-07 9:19 PM
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94

89: funnier ha-ha, the latter. funnier trippy, the former. I'm rooting for funny ha-ha.


Posted by: cerebrocrat | Link to this comment | 02- 3-07 9:20 PM
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95

And of course I can't remember the RA on that floor. This would have been 90/91, I think.


Posted by: FL | Link to this comment | 02- 3-07 9:20 PM
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96

Póg mo thóin!!

in niz khahad gozasht.


Posted by: Gonerill | Link to this comment | 02- 3-07 9:23 PM
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97

This would have been 90/91, I think.

DUDE. You're killing me.


Posted by: cerebrocrat | Link to this comment | 02- 3-07 9:24 PM
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98

FL and cereb: Just have sex already, and report back on what got said.


Posted by: Gonerill | Link to this comment | 02- 3-07 9:25 PM
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99

Okay, wait. The dorm was Watson. There was no Allegheny that I recall.

Whew. Disturbing coincidence averted, perhaps.


Posted by: cerebrocrat | Link to this comment | 02- 3-07 9:25 PM
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100

Well, there's two different possible questions here, right? There's "what do you say during sex," which is the "dirty talk" portion of the post title, and then there's "what noises do you make during orgasm," which is the "war whoops" portion of the title.

As for the dirty talk, I'll leave that to your imagination for the moment. As for the war whoops, all of my partners fallen into one of three (fairly cliche) categories: the "oh god"s, the "ah ah ah"s, or the nearly silent squeaky shakes. Beautiful, every one.

I've never paid careful attention to what noises I make. Maybe we can get my wife to start commenting here.


Posted by: mrh | Link to this comment | 02- 3-07 9:26 PM
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101

The thing is, I have to go to sleep.


Posted by: FL | Link to this comment | 02- 3-07 9:27 PM
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102

99: Creepy trended created, tho.


Posted by: yoyo | Link to this comment | 02- 3-07 9:27 PM
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103

Ok, not the same at all. Phew.


Posted by: FL | Link to this comment | 02- 3-07 9:27 PM
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104

Does anyone else have voices in their head come out AND REALLY LOUD during cumming? Its like i'll hear some bbc roadio man in my head saying things about Vietmanese coups or somehting.


Posted by: yoyo | Link to this comment | 02- 3-07 9:29 PM
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105

And this thread started so well, yet it's ended with the most unsexy things in the world: dorm sex and college reunions.


Posted by: FL | Link to this comment | 02- 3-07 9:29 PM
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106

in niz khahad gozasht.

Not until I'm through, it won't.


Posted by: ogged | Link to this comment | 02- 3-07 9:30 PM
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107

Does anyone else have voices in their head come out AND REALLY LOUD during cumming?

They have meds for that kind of stuff these days.


Posted by: gswift | Link to this comment | 02- 3-07 9:30 PM
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108

I like the voices, right before sleep. I always have the most revolutionairy thoughts as i'm falling asleep, its like they exist to tormnet the cosmically bad timing. But i can hear choruses by individual; ANy sort of person or accent i can conjur, yet they have their own personality and say things i wouldn't have expected. They're never back, and so can't be friends, but as good as blankets.


Posted by: yoyo | Link to this comment | 02- 3-07 9:33 PM
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109

Ok, maybe it's just that I'm a bit Becks-style, but yoyo is freaking me out.


Posted by: mrh | Link to this comment | 02- 3-07 9:34 PM
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110

*grins*


Posted by: yoyo | Link to this comment | 02- 3-07 9:35 PM
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111

Aren't "the ah ah ah's" a band?


Posted by: ogged | Link to this comment | 02- 3-07 9:37 PM
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112

90: Humor is also good.


Posted by: bitchphd | Link to this comment | 02- 3-07 9:38 PM
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113

Talking during sex? No, I'm not in the habit of talking to myself. It'd be hard to say much through the sobs anyway.


Posted by: M/tch M/lls | Link to this comment | 02- 3-07 9:39 PM
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112: if that were true, there woulnd't be a cliche of rouined moments when a roomate walks in that permanantly prevents smoochings from occuring


Posted by: yoyo | Link to this comment | 02- 3-07 9:39 PM
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115

Aren't "the ah ah ah's" a band?

If they're not, they should be.


Posted by: mrh | Link to this comment | 02- 3-07 9:40 PM
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116

Once upon a time I lived near a guy from Wales who regularly screamed something unintelligible and quite loud out into the courtyard after his bed had banged against the wall for a time.

How does one say "Surrender Dorothy!" in Welsh?


Posted by: M/tch M/lls | Link to this comment | 02- 3-07 9:40 PM
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117

Just arrived on this thread. I sigh and groan a bit, I think. I've been told by more than one person that's satisfying and nice to hear actually, that I'm letting go, abandoning myself in pleasure. A roommate of mine—male—with his girlfriend once made a long and sustained sort of scream, like that one at the very first of Immigrant Song, not so rythmic, thank god. I and my girlfriend, now my wife, were amazed at the sound, and were real quiet ourselves, having learned how thin the walls were. I remember us laughing in a stifled way, both at the memory of the sound and at trying to be quiet after hearing it.


Posted by: I don't pay | Link to this comment | 02- 3-07 9:40 PM
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114: Not all humor is equal. However, if someone ever said to me "suck my cock, and environs" during sex, I'd be thrilled.


Posted by: bitchphd | Link to this comment | 02- 3-07 9:41 PM
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119

I'm one of the super-quiet types, which is convenient for roommates, but actual partners tend to say that's it's disconcerting to not hear anything.

I blame the fact that, as a teenager, my bedroom was actually the room between the bathroom and the rest of the house, so there wasn't a whole lot of privacy to be had.


Posted by: Nathan Williams | Link to this comment | 02- 3-07 9:41 PM
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120

I remember the surreptitiousness, the conspiratorial quality of dorm sex, where I do remember staying quiet, contributed to the excitement.


Posted by: I don't pay | Link to this comment | 02- 3-07 9:43 PM
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121

its pretty hard to change ones' actiosn when unloading.


Posted by: yoyo | Link to this comment | 02- 3-07 9:45 PM
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disconcerting to not hear anything.

I'd have to agree with this. Feedback is good.
(nonverbal feedback is better)


Posted by: cerebrocrat | Link to this comment | 02- 3-07 9:46 PM
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123

Feedback is good.

"You're really earning your pay today."


Posted by: ogged | Link to this comment | 02- 3-07 9:47 PM
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124

Humor is also good.

I intended 90 to be read as said in earnest OMG INTENTIONAL FALLACY NEVER MIND


Posted by: Standpipe Bridgeplate | Link to this comment | 02- 3-07 9:49 PM
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Not if you're sleeping with a black man, though.


Posted by: bitchphd | Link to this comment | 02- 3-07 9:49 PM
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Maybe there was more to that delivery guy story than ogged was letting on.


Posted by: teofilo | Link to this comment | 02- 3-07 9:49 PM
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I'm with IDP in 120. Some of the best sex I've ever had has been in circumstances when we (me and my partner, not me and IDP) had to be vewwwy quiet.


Posted by: mrh | Link to this comment | 02- 3-07 9:51 PM
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"And environs"? Earnestly? Awesome.

125 to 123, obvs.


Posted by: bitchphd | Link to this comment | 02- 3-07 9:52 PM
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120: Definitely. Although, excitement often intermingled with fear: God, does everybody on my floor know that I'm in here fucking a guy?

They did, turns out, so I could have relaxed a little and enjoyed the excitement part a little more.


Posted by: cerebrocrat | Link to this comment | 02- 3-07 9:54 PM
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"And environs"? Earnestly? Awesome.

Sure, but one had better nail the difference between "ha-ha" awesome and "endearing" awesome if one doesn't want to laugh one's way out of a chance to suck his environs.


Posted by: Standpipe Bridgeplate | Link to this comment | 02- 3-07 9:56 PM
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Can't believe the thread has gone this far without anyone mentioning the ultimate horror.

Overhearing your parents going at it.


Posted by: gswift | Link to this comment | 02- 3-07 9:57 PM
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thanks for taking us there


Posted by: cerebrocrat | Link to this comment | 02- 3-07 9:58 PM
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Heh.


Posted by: gswift | Link to this comment | 02- 3-07 9:59 PM
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Why is that the ultimate horror?

I'll admit we're quite concerned the kids not hear us, which is burdensome since they're teenagers and slow to go to bed and sleep. Sometimes forces us to wait too long.


Posted by: I don't pay | Link to this comment | 02- 3-07 10:01 PM
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As ultimate horrors go, that's up there with Joey-put-a-slug-on-my-leg and the-exchange-rate-is-poor.


Posted by: Standpipe Bridgeplate | Link to this comment | 02- 3-07 10:03 PM
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19: You'll never believe I didn't need to see the byline.

I think I would burst out giggling if Shivbunny (thanks ogged) started in on the dirty talk because it would sound so manufactured. And you know what happens if you have a giggling fit during sex?

Nothing, that's what.


Posted by: Cala | Link to this comment | 02- 3-07 10:03 PM
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Why is that the ultimate horror?

If you don't already understand, I'm not sure it can be explained.


Posted by: gswift | Link to this comment | 02- 3-07 10:03 PM
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the-exchange-rate-is-poor.

You've got to be kidding me.


Posted by: gswift | Link to this comment | 02- 3-07 10:04 PM
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gswift is telling us that it's a Man Code thing.


Posted by: Standpipe Bridgeplate | Link to this comment | 02- 3-07 10:05 PM
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Have you seen the exchange rate lately?


Posted by: Standpipe Bridgeplate | Link to this comment | 02- 3-07 10:06 PM
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130: Endearing awesome and ha-ha awesome aren't inimical. But yes, awesome in a laughing with, not laughing at, kind of way.

Sometimes I imitate Mr. B.'s mother's accent during sex. I think I've admitted that here before.


Posted by: bitchphd | Link to this comment | 02- 3-07 10:08 PM
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To clarify, if given a choice between auditioning the parental monkey sex and not, I'd choose not.


Posted by: Standpipe Bridgeplate | Link to this comment | 02- 3-07 10:10 PM
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Sometimes I imitate Mr. B.'s mother's accent during sex.

Jesus Christ.


Posted by: gswift | Link to this comment | 02- 3-07 10:11 PM
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On the other hand, gswift's parents are on my iPod.


Posted by: Standpipe Bridgeplate | Link to this comment | 02- 3-07 10:12 PM
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142:

Oh sure, try and backpedal you sicko.


Posted by: gswift | Link to this comment | 02- 3-07 10:12 PM
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PK gonna write a book titled Why I Am So Fucked UP.

Just sayin.


Posted by: Cala | Link to this comment | 02- 3-07 10:13 PM
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See forepeddle in 144.


Posted by: Standpipe Bridgeplate | Link to this comment | 02- 3-07 10:13 PM
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143: I know, I've got a mean streak.


Posted by: bitchphd | Link to this comment | 02- 3-07 10:13 PM
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It's true I never heard my parents, and take care my kids don't hear us, but don't think it'd be all that disturbing, just embarrassing.


Posted by: I don't pay | Link to this comment | 02- 3-07 10:13 PM
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ikanspel ikanspel ikanspel woo


Posted by: Standpipe Bridgeplate | Link to this comment | 02- 3-07 10:14 PM
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146: Sounds more like a blog title.


Posted by: bitchphd | Link to this comment | 02- 3-07 10:14 PM
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He just came out of his room with a lego thing he built and asked why I was giggling. I told him that he knows how I write stories about him on the computer sometimes, right? Well, someone just said that someday he's going to write a book called "Why I am so Fucked UP." He laughs.

Then he wants to know what I said that brought on that comment. Luckily I seem to have managed to stall and change the subject to his latest lego creation.


Posted by: bitchphd | Link to this comment | 02- 3-07 10:19 PM
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He's going to be to scarred to blog. And savvy enough to go straight for the book deal.


Posted by: Cala | Link to this comment | 02- 3-07 10:19 PM
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Well, in that case, he'll owe me thanks for providing so much material.


Posted by: bitchphd | Link to this comment | 02- 3-07 10:20 PM
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I didn't say he'd hate you, just that he'd write a book. I'm sure he'll take good care of you, and let you play with legoes.


Posted by: Cala | Link to this comment | 02- 3-07 10:21 PM
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Sounds great.


Posted by: bitchphd | Link to this comment | 02- 3-07 10:22 PM
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Indeed. Legoes rule, and his book will sell, so you can have LOTS of them.


Posted by: Cala | Link to this comment | 02- 3-07 10:23 PM
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The domain is available. You should give it to him for his birthday.


Posted by: teofilo | Link to this comment | 02- 3-07 10:28 PM
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And you know what happens if you have a giggling fit during sex?

Well, I know what happens when my partners have done so. Feels like rapid-fire Kegels. Very, very nice if the timing is right.

As for geriatric sex, once the kid banged on the door to find out if we were all right. Hasn't done that again. I tell him to keep a notebook of various traumas now so he can save time at the shrink's when he hits middle- age.


Posted by: Biohazard | Link to this comment | 02- 3-07 10:28 PM
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I want some Legos.


Posted by: mrh | Link to this comment | 02- 3-07 10:29 PM
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PK's blog: Thanks Mom, GED.


Posted by: ogged | Link to this comment | 02- 3-07 10:31 PM
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Vaguely relevant post by Jackmormon.


Posted by: rilkefan | Link to this comment | 02- 3-07 10:31 PM
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161: Don't be such a snob, Ogged. Formal education's not for everyone.


Posted by: bitchphd | Link to this comment | 02- 3-07 10:33 PM
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Alternative PK blog: Born A Boy.


Posted by: ogged | Link to this comment | 02- 3-07 10:34 PM
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And again: do you have a problem with the cross-gendered?


Posted by: bitchphd | Link to this comment | 02- 3-07 10:36 PM
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Or: Why I Became A Republican.


Posted by: teofilo | Link to this comment | 02- 3-07 10:38 PM
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Ok, that would be bad.


Posted by: bitchphd | Link to this comment | 02- 3-07 10:38 PM
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rilkefan, that's.... just... well done. really.


Posted by: Cala | Link to this comment | 02- 3-07 10:38 PM
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If She'd Only Cut My Hair.


Posted by: Cala | Link to this comment | 02- 3-07 10:39 PM
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I am going to make a recording of PK telling me NOT to cut his hair the next time I suggest that perhaps a trim is in order, and make Becks or someone post it to this blog.


Posted by: bitchphd | Link to this comment | 02- 3-07 10:41 PM
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I Blame The Matriarchy, by PK.


Posted by: ogged | Link to this comment | 02- 3-07 10:47 PM
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The young man just came out here to have me floss his teeth. The cat is sitting across my chest. He says, "Why does everybody that's small like Mama?"

Mock away, my friends, mock away.


Posted by: bitchphd | Link to this comment | 02- 3-07 10:52 PM
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Also, yesterday after school, we hung out at the playground for a bit, where a little girl in his class and he were hanging out on the climbing equipment. Some other little girls came by and asked if PK was a boy. The little girl he was hanging out with said, "of course he's a boy, look at his clothes." And then proceeded to get really annoyed by her friends for being so stupid. Eventually the annoying friends went away and PK and the little girl hung out for a while until I told him it was time to go so he could go to TaeKwonDo, she said, wide-eyed, you do TKD?

Later, walking home, I said, I think A. kind of likes you. And he said, yes, I think now she and I have someone to send valentines to.


Posted by: bitchphd | Link to this comment | 02- 3-07 10:58 PM
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"of course he's a boy, look at his clothes."

And PK's gonna hang out with this little tool of the patriarchy?


Posted by: | Link to this comment | 02- 3-07 11:04 PM
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God damn it. Even PK gets more action than I do.


Posted by: teofilo | Link to this comment | 02- 3-07 11:10 PM
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A friend of mine used to yell "Weehauken" at orgasm, because a former girlfriend had complained that he never made any noise during sex.

The Biophysicist and I have occasionally discussed the problems in Bosnia during sex, as part of a competition to see who can distract whom first. As he has far more self-control than I, he usually wins.


Posted by: DominEditrix | Link to this comment | 02- 3-07 11:11 PM
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I Blame The Matriarchy

ogged wins.


Posted by: SomeCallMeTim | Link to this comment | 02- 3-07 11:12 PM
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I have visions of Sally & PK meeting in some future coed national Tae Kwon Do championship, bitter rivals, one wearing a special batsign sigil, the other's hair braided like a Spartan warrior's, ready to kick the crap out of each other. Then B and LB realizing who they are and melodramatically cringe in the sidelines.

That probably means the brain medicine is kicking in and its time to go to bed.


Posted by: Ile | Link to this comment | 02- 3-07 11:19 PM
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"The Biophysicist and I have occasionally discussed the problems in Bosnia during sex, as part of a competition to see who can distract whom first. As he has far more self-control than I, he usually wins."

um lol.


Posted by: yoyo | Link to this comment | 02- 3-07 11:19 PM
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176: Is "Weehauken" better or worse than "Bombs away!"


Posted by: mrh | Link to this comment | 02- 3-07 11:21 PM
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Depends how you feel about New Jersey.


Posted by: teofilo | Link to this comment | 02- 3-07 11:22 PM
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i like being loud (just general noise as opposed to particular words or phrases), but have almost always lived in situations where you can't really be, just because you don't want to mortify your neighbors/roommates/parents. but almost every guy i've been with has been relatively quiet. do guys just not like to make noise during sex? or do they actually like to, but think it's weird, and is something best left up the girl? i don't know. the only guy who was actually kind of noisy, which i liked, WOULD NOT STOP pulling my hair, even after i asked him, to the point that it was excruciatingly painful, and, what the hell. the sex was good, but not good enough to justify me losing my scalp.


Posted by: catherine | Link to this comment | 02- 3-07 11:22 PM
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Scalps are overrated.


Posted by: ben w-lfs-n | Link to this comment | 02- 3-07 11:24 PM
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181: I like New Jersey pretty well.

182: I think many guys are socialized to think then men are supposed to be stoic and silent during sex, whereas women are supposed to be all, you know, passionate and whatnot. I used to have to remember to make an effort to vocalize, because my girlfriend liked it when I did. Now it's second nature.


Posted by: mrh | Link to this comment | 02- 3-07 11:26 PM
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174: Actually it was the flowered sock day, but I held back from pointing that out. I was pretending not to be eavesdropping.


Posted by: bitchphd | Link to this comment | 02- 3-07 11:27 PM
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Notice that even after a comment on the ostensible subject of this thread, a thread which B had previously adjudged disappointingly boring, she's still whinging on about her kid.


Posted by: ben w-lfs-n | Link to this comment | 02- 3-07 11:32 PM
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do guys just not like to make noise during sex?

Well...I wouldn't make any noise at all unless I felt like I should make a conscious effort to communicate "yes, I am in fact enjoying this and am not bored" to my partner. Which I do. I don't know if the noises she makes are inadvertent or are part of a similar desire to be thoughtful.


Posted by: Cryptic Ned | Link to this comment | 02- 3-07 11:34 PM
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Feel free to ignore my comments, Ben.


Posted by: bitchphd | Link to this comment | 02- 3-07 11:36 PM
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I mostly agree with 187, though I think it's worth adding that making noise may also be enjoyable for one's partner, not just communicative.

There's an obvious related question, which is do you make any noise while masturbating? If no, then vocalization is purely for communication/partner's pleasure and not something self-centered?


Posted by: Unfoggetarian: "Pause endlessly, then go in." (9) | Link to this comment | 02- 3-07 11:42 PM
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We (the guys) don't need to verbalize that we're enjoying ourselves. If we have a boner, we're having a good time.


Posted by: gswift | Link to this comment | 02- 3-07 11:44 PM
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177: ogged had already won with 123.

I've dated a couple of women who were very loud. One was a woman I dated in college who was 75-80% deaf, so I'm not sure she counts.


Posted by: apostropher | Link to this comment | 02- 3-07 11:46 PM
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If ogged's not around, one can always rely on gswift to espouse the most crashingly stereotypical outlook on male behavior.


Posted by: ben w-lfs-n | Link to this comment | 02- 3-07 11:46 PM
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Somebody has to.


Posted by: gswift | Link to this comment | 02- 3-07 11:47 PM
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That's a biscuit conditional.


Posted by: teofilo | Link to this comment | 02- 3-07 11:48 PM
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I like to think my stereotypical pronouncements are necessary to keep a minimum level of testerone present.

Also, none of you know me in real life, and can't tell to what degree I'm serious.

Next up, my thoughts on Asian drivers.


Posted by: gswift | Link to this comment | 02- 4-07 12:10 AM
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my thoughts on Asian drivers.

They make little whimpering sounds the whole trip, then really shriek when they arrive.


Posted by: apostropher | Link to this comment | 02- 4-07 12:19 AM
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Don't back down now, gswift. It's not your fault that among this crowd anything like a mainstream opinion about gender is taken to be neanderthal talk. Plus, you said "boner," and that makes Ben uncomfortable.


Posted by: ogged | Link to this comment | 02- 4-07 12:20 AM
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"boner," and that makes Ben uncomfortable

Depending on where you put it.


Posted by: apostropher | Link to this comment | 02- 4-07 12:21 AM
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Mainstream opinions about gender roles are pretty Neanderthal. Don't blame the messengers.


Posted by: bitchphd | Link to this comment | 02- 4-07 12:22 AM
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You're just saying that because your kid wears girl's socks.


Posted by: gswift | Link to this comment | 02- 4-07 12:24 AM
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Hey, at least she didn't cockblock him by pointing it out.


Posted by: teofilo | Link to this comment | 02- 4-07 12:25 AM
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wears girl's socks

Excellent foreskin euphemism.


Posted by: apostropher | Link to this comment | 02- 4-07 12:25 AM
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200: The horror. I'll sneak into his room before I go to bed and make sure his dick hasn't fallen off as a result.


Posted by: bitchphd | Link to this comment | 02- 4-07 12:26 AM
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Dude, Apo's on a roll tonight.


Posted by: gswift | Link to this comment | 02- 4-07 12:27 AM
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I'll sneak into his room before I go to bed and make sure his dick hasn't fallen off as a result.

If it has, the hair and sock part of the transition are already done.


Posted by: gswift | Link to this comment | 02- 4-07 12:28 AM
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And after all, the Boy Scout motto is "be prepared."


Posted by: bitchphd | Link to this comment | 02- 4-07 12:29 AM
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I was at friends for thanksgiving (Canadian) this year; one of them (3 roommates) ducked upstairs with his girlfriend.

Soon after we heard her *scream*, "FUCK MY HEAD THROUGH THIS WALL!!!"

Not subtle.


Posted by: 3pointshooter | Link to this comment | 02- 4-07 12:31 AM
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No way in hell is your kid in Boy Scouts.


Posted by: gswift | Link to this comment | 02- 4-07 12:31 AM
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204: I've had stellar setup lines.


Posted by: apostropher | Link to this comment | 02- 4-07 12:32 AM
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But funny.

Canadian Thanksgiving is just weird. Way, way too early. Did y'all put it before Halloween just to be different, or is there some actual historical reason for that?


Posted by: bitchphd | Link to this comment | 02- 4-07 12:32 AM
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"FUCK MY HEAD THROUGH THIS WALL!!!"

"Okay, go get in the next room and I'll give it a shot."


Posted by: apostropher | Link to this comment | 02- 4-07 12:33 AM
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208: You are correct. So far, the lad has not expressed any interest in organized homophobia, I'm glad to say. If it comes up, I don't know what we'll do; probably steer him towards 4H instead.

Heh. Steer. Funny.


Posted by: bitchphd | Link to this comment | 02- 4-07 12:34 AM
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"Okay, go get in the next room and I'll give it a shot."

This is called a "glory hole," isn't it?


Posted by: ogged | Link to this comment | 02- 4-07 12:35 AM
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It's because of latitude, apparently.


Posted by: teofilo | Link to this comment | 02- 4-07 12:36 AM
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Don't play innocent, Ogged.


Posted by: bitchphd | Link to this comment | 02- 4-07 12:36 AM
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This is called a "glory hole," isn't it?

That feigned ignorance is fooling no one.


Posted by: gswift | Link to this comment | 02- 4-07 12:37 AM
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Damnit


Posted by: gswift | Link to this comment | 02- 4-07 12:37 AM
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214: Huh, thanks. That sounds kind of like a post-facto explanation, given the rest of that link, but it'll do.

Anyway, I'd usually just go into the office on Canadian Thanksgiving, because I found it impossible to think turkey and pumpkin pie four weeks into the semester.


Posted by: bitchphd | Link to this comment | 02- 4-07 12:39 AM
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Damn, I was just about to make the joke in 211. Can't beat the apostropher.


Posted by: mrh | Link to this comment | 02- 4-07 12:39 AM
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You can't really feign ignorance and still come up with "glory hole," people. It was just a slightly more elegant formulation than "That's a glory hole!!"


Posted by: ogged | Link to this comment | 02- 4-07 12:40 AM
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I for one have no idea what 220 is referring to.

And, where can I find one?


Posted by: gswift | Link to this comment | 02- 4-07 12:41 AM
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s/b "That's a glory hole! Hooray!"


Posted by: bitchphd | Link to this comment | 02- 4-07 12:41 AM
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The wikipedia "glory hole" disambiguation page is a bit surprising.


Posted by: ogged | Link to this comment | 02- 4-07 12:43 AM
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Actually, I find it hard to believe that men are actually willing to stick their cocks through a hole in a wall without being able to see what's on the other side. Yeeeek.


Posted by: bitchphd | Link to this comment | 02- 4-07 12:43 AM
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223: Damn. Who knew?


Posted by: apostropher | Link to this comment | 02- 4-07 12:44 AM
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223: Excellent. I'm going to start calling the hall cupboard the glory hole.


Posted by: bitchphd | Link to this comment | 02- 4-07 12:45 AM
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224: It's like they learned nothing from Porky's.


Posted by: apostropher | Link to this comment | 02- 4-07 12:45 AM
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Actually, I find it hard to believe that men are actually willing to stick their cocks through a hole in a wall without being able to see what's on the other side.

Here's a good rule of "thumb".

No matter how bizarre it seems to you, a substantial number of men are willing to do it.


Posted by: gswift | Link to this comment | 02- 4-07 12:46 AM
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227: Do I want to know?


Posted by: bitchphd | Link to this comment | 02- 4-07 12:46 AM
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228: I stand corrected. "Hard to believe" should have read "hard to understand."

But then I don't understand why women are willing to work for Hooter's, either.


Posted by: bitchphd | Link to this comment | 02- 4-07 12:49 AM
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How many people here have actually sat down and watched Porky's? I've probably seen around 30 or 40 minutes of it from running across it a couple time on cable.


Posted by: gswift | Link to this comment | 02- 4-07 12:49 AM
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But then I don't understand why women are willing to work for Hooter's, either.

Uh, the money's better than their other options?


Posted by: gswift | Link to this comment | 02- 4-07 12:51 AM
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232: I dunno. Better than stripping?

Though it probably is pretty good as these things go. My boyfriend told me that, surprisingly, working at those big stupid chain restaurants nets you way more in tips than working at the small nice places, b/c the small nice places actually don't pay any more in base salary and you don't have as much turnover. Apparently the main reason good wait staff work in good restaurants is because they hate Applebee's as much as the customers do.


Posted by: bitchphd | Link to this comment | 02- 4-07 12:53 AM
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229: Probably not, but in the interest of knowledge, here's the NSFW scene.

231: I've watched it, but it was about 20 years ago.


Posted by: apostropher | Link to this comment | 02- 4-07 12:55 AM
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Anyone know anyone who's been Hooters girl? Is the money good? My sister worked a couple years at California Pizza Kitchen, and she said she definitely got better tips after dying her hair blonde. I'm guessing the skimpy outfits might have a similar effect, but I don't actually know this. My one and only visit to a Hooters was when my manager took a few of us there on a business trip in Saginaw.


Posted by: gswift | Link to this comment | 02- 4-07 12:58 AM
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234: Yep, you're right. Didn't need to see that.


Posted by: bitchphd | Link to this comment | 02- 4-07 1:01 AM
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234: Wow, I had never seen that. Thanks!


Posted by: mrh | Link to this comment | 02- 4-07 1:02 AM
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236 and 237 make a wonderful pair.


Posted by: teofilo | Link to this comment | 02- 4-07 1:03 AM
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I wouldn't be surprised if Hooters girls made more in tips than waitresses at other chain restaurants; for one thing, the food's really expensive.


Posted by: teofilo | Link to this comment | 02- 4-07 1:04 AM
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I can't believe you just admitted to eating there.


Posted by: bitchphd | Link to this comment | 02- 4-07 1:05 AM
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Why not? I was in high school.


Posted by: teofilo | Link to this comment | 02- 4-07 1:06 AM
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Conceptual continuity: Porky's also was one of the first movie roles for Kim Cattrall, who played a character known as "Lassie" due to her howling during sex.


Posted by: apostropher | Link to this comment | 02- 4-07 1:07 AM
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241: I just have kind of a rule about Hooters. I'd rather die than eat there. I feel the same way about Pretty Woman.

But okay, high school, I did some mortifying shit.


Posted by: bitchphd | Link to this comment | 02- 4-07 1:09 AM
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I just have kind of a rule about Hooters.

B won't eat any place where the waitresses are showing more cleavage than she is.


Posted by: ogged | Link to this comment | 02- 4-07 1:10 AM
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Actually, that's the emergency clause: if I ever have to go into that place, I'm going to take my top off.


Posted by: bitchphd | Link to this comment | 02- 4-07 1:11 AM
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I went with some friends, just once. The food was expensive and not very good, but the waitress was sweet.


Posted by: teofilo | Link to this comment | 02- 4-07 1:12 AM
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If you licked the waitress, I hope you left her a really good tip.


Posted by: bitchphd | Link to this comment | 02- 4-07 1:14 AM
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Don't worry, we did.


Posted by: teofilo | Link to this comment | 02- 4-07 1:14 AM
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The time I went was uncomfortable. 4 guys on a business trip, and our godamn manager was taking us to dinner and that's where we went. Of course he was ogling the waitress like some kind of stereotypical dirty old man. Based off of that experience, I'm guessing I'm not cut out for the strip club scene.


Posted by: gswift | Link to this comment | 02- 4-07 1:16 AM
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250

the waitress was sweet.

Oh, Stan.


Posted by: apostropher | Link to this comment | 02- 4-07 1:17 AM
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251

Do they have strip clubs in SLC?


Posted by: apostropher | Link to this comment | 02- 4-07 1:18 AM
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I've never been to a strip club; once I turned 18 I kind of wanted to, just for the experience, but somehow I was never around when my friends went (which they did from time to time). I don't regret not going.


Posted by: teofilo | Link to this comment | 02- 4-07 1:18 AM
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250: Yep, that's the sort of thing.


Posted by: teofilo | Link to this comment | 02- 4-07 1:19 AM
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252: You're not actually dead, Teo.


Posted by: bitchphd | Link to this comment | 02- 4-07 1:21 AM
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I no longer have any desire to go to a strip club, though.


Posted by: teofilo | Link to this comment | 02- 4-07 1:21 AM
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So, you know, I might as well be.


Posted by: teofilo | Link to this comment | 02- 4-07 1:22 AM
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Do they have strip clubs in SLC?

A few.


Posted by: gswift | Link to this comment | 02- 4-07 1:22 AM
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I went to one in Vegas once, simply out of curiosity. I also always wanted to go check out the Lusty Lady, but never did.


Posted by: bitchphd | Link to this comment | 02- 4-07 1:23 AM
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It sure is late. Maybe I should go to bed.


Posted by: teofilo | Link to this comment | 02- 4-07 1:25 AM
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I went to one in Vegas once, simply out of curiosity.

"I never thought it would happen to me..."


Posted by: gswift | Link to this comment | 02- 4-07 1:26 AM
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? I went to a strip club, watched a few acts. One was depressing, one was sexy, the others were forgettable.


Posted by: bitchphd | Link to this comment | 02- 4-07 1:27 AM
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If I had sex with this thread, I'd have serious complaints about the signal-to-noise ratio.


Posted by: Stanley | Link to this comment | 02- 4-07 1:27 AM
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Stanley! Where ya been?


Posted by: teofilo | Link to this comment | 02- 4-07 1:28 AM
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Having sex. LOUDLY. Er, I mean, at a party.


Posted by: Stanley | Link to this comment | 02- 4-07 1:29 AM
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I've only been to a strip club twice—once in Raleigh and once in New Orleans—and both times with mixed crowds that included my then-wife. Both were actually pretty interesting. In Raleigh, one of the dancers came and sat at our table for a good stretch after her shift was over and talked very candidly about the job. I think we were something of a novelty being a table of mostly couples. In New Orleans, they had the women in the front room and the men in the back. The front room was dull and kind of depressing, so we went to the back, and the two guys I watched dance were *amazing*. Crazy athletic and totally impressive. It was like Cirque du Soleil in banana hammocks.


Posted by: apostropher | Link to this comment | 02- 4-07 1:31 AM
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You went to an actual orgy?


Posted by: bitchphd | Link to this comment | 02- 4-07 1:31 AM
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Are you surprised?


Posted by: teofilo | Link to this comment | 02- 4-07 1:32 AM
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266 to 264. I'm sure Apo's been to actual orgies.


Posted by: bitchphd | Link to this comment | 02- 4-07 1:33 AM
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Yeah, I noticed the timestamp after I posted that.


Posted by: teofilo | Link to this comment | 02- 4-07 1:34 AM
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I guess I'm just not as wordly as you are, Teo.


Posted by: bitchphd | Link to this comment | 02- 4-07 1:34 AM
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It is, of course, possible to have sex (even LOUD sex) at parties that are not orgies.


Posted by: teofilo | Link to this comment | 02- 4-07 1:35 AM
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Just one.


Posted by: apostropher | Link to this comment | 02- 4-07 1:35 AM
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"Wordly"?


Posted by: teofilo | Link to this comment | 02- 4-07 1:36 AM
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270 to both 267 and 271.


Posted by: bitchphd | Link to this comment | 02- 4-07 1:36 AM
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Worldly, obviously. Typo.


Posted by: bitchphd | Link to this comment | 02- 4-07 1:37 AM
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I thought so, but then I wondered if you were making some other joke.


Posted by: teofilo | Link to this comment | 02- 4-07 1:39 AM
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I did not in fact attend an orgy this evening. But the event I attended was pretty loud.


Posted by: Stanley | Link to this comment | 02- 4-07 1:40 AM
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I'm going to bed. Good night, everyone.


Posted by: teofilo | Link to this comment | 02- 4-07 1:41 AM
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I hate all of you. This could've been a great thread.


Posted by: Stanley | Link to this comment | 02- 4-07 1:42 AM
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It's not surprising B would make a typo like that. She's not as wordly as Teo.


Posted by: mrh | Link to this comment | 02- 4-07 1:45 AM
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Night all.


Posted by: mrh | Link to this comment | 02- 4-07 1:46 AM
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You people and your sleeping. It's not even 4 in the morning yet!


Posted by: apostropher | Link to this comment | 02- 4-07 1:50 AM
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Solidarity, apo. Let's find out what the UKommenters think. They'll be up any minute now, and I bet they have tons of crazy sex noises.

No, wait. They don't have sex. Else there'd be more of 'em.


Posted by: Stanley | Link to this comment | 02- 4-07 1:56 AM
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"Think of the Queen!"


Posted by: eb | Link to this comment | 02- 4-07 2:04 AM
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So, of over 280 comments, that looks like about 240 comments' worth of avoidance. Or 241, counting this one.


Posted by: Doctor Slack | Link to this comment | 02- 4-07 4:26 AM
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172 -- what does that say about Mr. B?


Posted by: Clownaesthesiologist | Link to this comment | 02- 4-07 4:52 AM
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184: I suspect that my own tendency towards being relatively quiet during sex is a product of male socialization towards stoicism, especially since I'm pretty sure I learned it when I first started masturbating around ~13, at which time I was really, really, really emotionally fucked up and was busily stuffing every emotion I could lay my hands on into a little box in my head labeled, 'Danger, do not open!'.

I did unlearn some of that upon being told by one of my tops that I was sometimes a boring bottom 'cause I was so quiet. I did learn to be a bit more genuinely vocal in scenes, but never really unlearned the quiet sex part.


Posted by: Nbarnes | Link to this comment | 02- 4-07 5:25 AM
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58: My first GF thought that that was the hottest thing in the world. She liked stories about fantastic sex, with dragons and exotic slave girls and wizards, and I used to lay in bed with her and tell her stories about such in a low, quiet voice. With lots of details.

I got some good sex in that relationship.


Posted by: Nbarnes | Link to this comment | 02- 4-07 5:29 AM
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I've told this story before, but given that I'm not telling stories about myself or anyone I've ever had sex with for this thread, it's all I've got.

When I was first dating Buck, he was good friends with the guy in the apartment right upstairs from him, who was dating a friend of mine. The guy upstairs made noises like a 200lb pigeon during sex -- cooing, but a deep, loud, throaty, burbling coo. It was hysterical.


Posted by: LizardBreath | Link to this comment | 02- 4-07 6:03 AM
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stories about fantastic sex, with dragons and exotic slave girls and wizards

Oh yeah, aight. Aight, I put on my robe and wizard hat.


Posted by: Felix | Link to this comment | 02- 4-07 7:01 AM
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235: When my daughter was waitressing and bartending she used to turn on a personality she called "Trixie". Near as I can tell from her explanation, Trixie gave off vibes of "I find you wonderful and under other circumstances I'd love to go home with you but I really can't 'cause I love my boy-friend and he'd kill both of us anyway". She uses a toned-down version of that in her current job.


Posted by: Biohazard | Link to this comment | 02- 4-07 8:41 AM
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"Pray my dear, have you not forgot to wind up the clock?"


Posted by: OneFatEnglishman | Link to this comment | 02- 4-07 8:49 AM
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292: I'll bet that just scattered your animal spirits something awful.


Posted by: mcmc | Link to this comment | 02- 4-07 9:19 AM
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OT: Why do guys keep staring at my tits?


Posted by: apostropher | Link to this comment | 02- 4-07 9:25 AM
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Gives a new meaning to the word headlights.


Posted by: Cala | Link to this comment | 02- 4-07 9:44 AM
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295: No, actually, it won't.


Posted by: 3pointshooter | Link to this comment | 02- 4-07 10:17 AM
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"quality shots!"


Posted by: gilbert arenas | Link to this comment | 02- 4-07 10:41 AM
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"Happy birthday, Grandma!"


Posted by: Hamilton Lovecraft | Link to this comment | 02- 4-07 10:41 AM
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Now that you mention it, it is amazing that this didn't devolve into a "worst possible things to say during sex" thread. And just as the "worst possible James Bond" discussion is ended as soon as someone says "Horatio Sanz", Hamilton Lovecraft has ended the "worst possible things to say during sex" discussion before it began.


Posted by: Cryptic Ned | Link to this comment | 02- 4-07 11:15 AM
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300!


Posted by: Becks | Link to this comment | 02- 4-07 11:35 AM
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Seriously, that's what I shout during sex.


Posted by: Becks | Link to this comment | 02- 4-07 11:35 AM
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Becks also shouts "I'm coming, I'm coming!" when she bowls a perfect game.


Posted by: heebie-geebie | Link to this comment | 02- 4-07 11:37 AM
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Becks has a Spartan fetish?


Posted by: Felix | Link to this comment | 02- 4-07 11:37 AM
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worst possible things to say during sex: "Hah! At last my vengeance is complete!"


Posted by: Felix | Link to this comment | 02- 4-07 11:38 AM
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Wasn't that actually said during sex by Edmond Dantes?


Posted by: Cryptic Ned | Link to this comment | 02- 4-07 11:41 AM
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304 and 298 both make the mistake of thinking that "the worst possible thing" will be something that can be recognized in any context as inappropriate, and that there will be one universal "worst possible thing". We, who are not currently copulating, can tell that "Happy birthday, Grandma!" is inadvisable during sex, indeed, highly inadvisable; thus we assume that it might well be the worst possible thing.

But how much more entrancing a possibility it is to consider, that the worst possible thing will not only be indexed by the ordered n-tuple of copulators, but also be something that in itself seems quite innocuous or ordinary, something like "I first saw Gould in the winter of 1932", "We're all working for the Pharoah", or "That's a nice one".


Posted by: ben w-lfs-n | Link to this comment | 02- 4-07 11:47 AM
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"That'll do, pig."


Posted by: redfoxtailshrub | Link to this comment | 02- 4-07 11:49 AM
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Well, there are some things that would be inappropriate in most situations, but for varying reasons, such as "Is the sun a planet?"


Posted by: Cryptic Ned | Link to this comment | 02- 4-07 11:49 AM
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Or "Ain't I a stinker?"


Posted by: Cryptic Ned | Link to this comment | 02- 4-07 11:54 AM
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"You are just like your mother!"


Posted by: heebie-geebie | Link to this comment | 02- 4-07 11:56 AM
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"Our cocks will block out the sun."
"Then we will fuck in the shade."
--300, Becks style.


Posted by: Cala | Link to this comment | 02- 4-07 11:57 AM
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I keep thinking of horrible ones which all imply that the other person is a child.


Posted by: heebie-geebie | Link to this comment | 02- 4-07 12:01 PM
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"Don't you fucking look at me! Don't you fucking look at me! Baby wants to fuck!"


Posted by: Hamilton Lovecraft | Link to this comment | 02- 4-07 12:05 PM
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I keep thinking of horrible ones which all imply that the other person is a child.

Pretty horrifying, for sure. I thought the same thing and was reluctant even to write examples because it is so icky.


Posted by: Idealist | Link to this comment | 02- 4-07 12:32 PM
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I don't see anyone topping "Ain't I a stinker?". New thread please!


Posted by: Cryptic Ned | Link to this comment | 02- 4-07 12:33 PM
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"Victory for the Forces of Democratic Freedom!"


Posted by: SEK | Link to this comment | 02- 4-07 12:37 PM
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i'd say almost any punchline to a clown joke would be universally awful. likewise asking what your partner's name is.


Posted by: matty | Link to this comment | 02- 4-07 1:00 PM
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317: "Fuck you, clown!" ?


Posted by: Hamilton Lovecraft | Link to this comment | 02- 4-07 1:01 PM
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No, fuck me, clown.


Posted by: Stanley | Link to this comment | 02- 4-07 1:07 PM
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"Shhh, just go back to sleep."


Posted by: apostropher | Link to this comment | 02- 4-07 1:16 PM
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307's pretty awesome.


Posted by: bitchphd | Link to this comment | 02- 4-07 1:26 PM
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Agreed.


Posted by: teofilo | Link to this comment | 02- 4-07 1:37 PM
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"Come on Dover, move your bloomin' arse!"


Posted by: minneapolitan | Link to this comment | 02- 4-07 2:01 PM
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"Oooh, Neat!"


Posted by: Stanley | Link to this comment | 02- 4-07 2:10 PM
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"Bacawk!"


Posted by: Cryptic Ned | Link to this comment | 02- 4-07 2:11 PM
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'Are we there yet?'


Posted by: DominEditrix | Link to this comment | 02- 4-07 2:20 PM
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Has anyone ever said said the wrong name during sex? I did once. I wasn't sure he heard, but I figured I should bring it up just in case he did hear. He hadn't heard.


Posted by: annie | Link to this comment | 02- 4-07 2:23 PM
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"Do me, Dick Cheney! Do me!"


Posted by: Gary Farber | Link to this comment | 02- 4-07 2:38 PM
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"Do Dick Cheney, me! Do him!"

Self-encouragement during sex is another bad idea.


Posted by: Cryptic Ned | Link to this comment | 02- 4-07 2:39 PM
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"Don't make me taser you again, ogged."


Posted by: apostropher | Link to this comment | 02- 4-07 2:42 PM
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"zOMG UR teh r0x0zr, lulz".


Posted by: Cryptic Ned | Link to this comment | 02- 4-07 2:44 PM
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Oh yeah, I meant to ask this 300 comments ago and forgot.

Like, at the top of her lungs. Really fucking loud. I'M RIGHT HERE!!!

What were you doing to make her yell that?


Posted by: apostropher | Link to this comment | 02- 4-07 2:46 PM
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"Shut up, hooker."


Posted by: Armsmasher | Link to this comment | 02- 4-07 2:51 PM
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Pure phatic, I'm guessing.


Posted by: Jackmormon | Link to this comment | 02- 4-07 2:52 PM
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Arthur Koestler may have won the contest. Sometime in the late 1920s he was getting it on with a blonde lady when he found out that when she came, what she would shout was "Heil Hitler".

She wasn't trying to be funny either. She'd sworn an oath to devote her orgasms to the good of the Party. She obviously had no ide who or what Koestler was.


Posted by: John Emerson | Link to this comment | 02- 4-07 3:05 PM
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I think the lover of the protagonist of "I Served The King of England" also shouted that during her orgasms. But then I assume you've read all the works of Bohumil Hrabal, John.


Posted by: Cryptic Ned | Link to this comment | 02- 4-07 3:08 PM
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Oh yeah, I meant to ask this 300 comments ago and forgot.

Like, at the top of her lungs. Really fucking loud. I'M RIGHT HERE!!!

What were you doing to make her yell that?

It's usually a mistake to try to have sex with someone from across the room.
Posted by: Gary Farber | Link to this comment | 02- 4-07 3:14 PM
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"In niz khahad gozasht."


Posted by: Gonerill | Link to this comment | 02- 4-07 3:16 PM
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Hasn't everyone, Ned?


Posted by: John Emerson | Link to this comment | 02- 4-07 3:21 PM
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I'll be checking Hrabal out.


Posted by: John Emerson | Link to this comment | 02- 4-07 3:32 PM
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"This too shal pass". Persian.


Posted by: John Emerson | Link to this comment | 02- 4-07 3:34 PM
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"Beige. I think we should paint the bedroom beige."


Posted by: Hamilton Lovecraft | Link to this comment | 02- 4-07 3:36 PM
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"Are you in yet?" has a noble history.


Posted by: Matt F | Link to this comment | 02- 4-07 3:48 PM
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"Oh, by the way, I have a confesson to make..."


Posted by: DS | Link to this comment | 02- 4-07 3:49 PM
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"Oh, by the way, I have a confesson to make..."

I've had someone tell me that, immediately after we had sex.

Fortunately, I didn't get the herpes.

Despite us then having a Long Long Talk about why this was such a very very very Bad Practice, she later did the same thing with at least two other men who were friends with mine.

Since then she's had several novels published (this was a couple of decades ago); I like to think that she finally quit engaging in the other practice.


Posted by: Gary Farber | Link to this comment | 02- 4-07 4:05 PM
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Before I met her my ex-wife was given gonnorhea by a very famous person. Too bad you can sell that shit on E-bay.


Posted by: John Emerson | Link to this comment | 02- 4-07 4:08 PM
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To the original post, admittedly silly at this point, after 300+ comments:

Whooping and yelling? No, not in those terms. Sounds a bit too much like: Yeah baby yeah baby yeah!

Huh? Sex as trampoline. About as appealing as the ass-slapping or the "you know you love it, bitch" sort of language that someone else alluded to.


Posted by: parsimon | Link to this comment | 02- 4-07 4:14 PM
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306 -- didt'n Borges write a story about that?


Posted by: Clownaesthesiologist | Link to this comment | 02- 4-07 4:30 PM
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348, I hope so.


Posted by: ben w-lfs-n | Link to this comment | 02- 4-07 4:35 PM
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This one's a dialogue, from a friend of a friend during a one-night stand:

"Is it in yet?"

"Baby, I'm done"

[Long pause]

"GET OUT."


Posted by: LizardBreath | Link to this comment | 02- 4-07 4:39 PM
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349, yeah this's the one I'm thinking of.


Posted by: Clownaesthesiologist | Link to this comment | 02- 4-07 6:08 PM
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What an odd wikipedia category.


Posted by: ben w-lfs-n | Link to this comment | 02- 4-07 6:14 PM
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I like the sub-categories into which that one is divided.


Posted by: Clownaesthesiologist | Link to this comment | 02- 4-07 6:16 PM
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350 is hilarious.


Posted by: mrh | Link to this comment | 02- 4-07 6:59 PM
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In 350, I couldn't really figure out which of the partners was saying "GET OUT" -- was it the woman, disappointed at the lack of endowment of her Don Juan, or the man, horrified to think his lover had not found him adequate, banishing her from his quarters?


Posted by: Clownaesthesiologist | Link to this comment | 02- 4-07 7:05 PM
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325 - "Bacawk!"

is fucking hilarious.


Posted by: heebie-geebie | Link to this comment | 02- 4-07 9:03 PM
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Well, it would be the logical conclusion to the pre-orgasmic "200-pound pigeon" cooing.


Posted by: Cryptic Ned | Link to this comment | 02- 4-07 9:07 PM
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With eyes a-bulging.


Posted by: heebie-geebie | Link to this comment | 02- 4-07 9:44 PM
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Just got back from a superbowl party at the same place I had Canadian thanksgiving...same couple (of the "fuck my head through the wall" fame) duck upstairs at halftime. We turn down the volume on Prince to hear what we can...

"no, no, no, no".

"Come on baby, just one more"

"NO!"
(followed almost immediately by)
SMACK!


Posted by: 3pointshooter | Link to this comment | 02- 4-07 9:54 PM
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360

"First we're going to cut your penis off, then we'll cut it up and eat it."


Posted by: Chopper | Link to this comment | 02- 5-07 8:38 AM
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355: The woman was throwing the man out of her apartment.


Posted by: LizardBreath | Link to this comment | 02- 5-07 8:41 AM
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"We believe in nothing, Lebowski. Nothing. And tomorrow we come back and we cut off your chonson."


Posted by: Doctor Slack | Link to this comment | 02- 5-07 8:51 AM
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Everytime I think I've learned my lesson that reading comment threads during class leads to inappropriate laughter (it turns out that Congressional power to apportion jurisdiction among intermediate appellate courts isn't very funny), it turns out that I'm mistaken.


Posted by: washerdreyer | Link to this comment | 02- 5-07 8:51 AM
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19, 22: The first time as tragedy, the second time as farce.

Damn, if only I'd posted that a day and a half ago.

I'm pretty darn boring w.r.t. sex noises; I wonder if a similar banality is what keeps most people from actually sharing on this thread.


Posted by: X. Trapnel | Link to this comment | 02- 5-07 7:23 PM
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365

"yayyyy wiggles"


Posted by: eb | Link to this comment | 02- 5-07 11:38 PM
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