This one looked good right up until the final sentence.

That wink means that actually weirdos and desperate virgins are actually what she's after. Besides, you don't want to waste time with someone who can't even spell "hottie".

I was not actually thinking of actually responding to it, actually.

Tell us what you were actually thinking.

If you haven't responded to this one yet, I'm going to come up to Teoville and smack you.

I mean, it's not 100% perfect but it's the best I've ever seen in Teoville.

I'm not really in a personal-ad-answering frame of mind at the moment. If I were, though, that's definitely the one I would respond to.

She misspelled haughty. Snob.

Also, the linked ad is already gone.

And that's an SF city ad, right? Isn't that, like, long-distance?

None of the ads linked have been deleted, eb; what're you smorking?

Ben, the first ad linked in your post has disappeared.

The very first link in your post, b-dub.

Ah. It was still in my cache, I guess.

It might still be in your cache, so you could still see it.

So much for 15.

The text, from my cache:

I'd like to punch Joanna Newsom in the face. - 32

--------------------------------------------------------------------------------
Reply to: pers-280246748@craigslist.org
Date: 2007-02-17, 11:06AM PST

(Apologies to those that like her or her music-nothing wrong with that)

I don't know why that just occurred to me, I'm not actually that violent but I had avoided listening to her music because:

a) I'm not so into female vocals (especially wispy, baby-talk voices). Female vocalists I DO like are Karen O and that chick from So So Many White White Tigers.
b) I heard she was an opportunistic bitch despite the "I'm crazy retarded but sweet and innocent" vibe.

But whatever, right? I don't have to listen to her so I didn't think it about it that much. Then I randomly stumbled onto a video of her with her harp and her mouth all overexerting itself and I nearly threw up my breakfast cereal. What a morning! THEN I thought, hey, maybe if someone else enjoys mocking the same things that I do, we might get along! There might be a "love connection" or perhaps just a way to kill time together, with the bitching and jadedness.

Other bands I don't really have an opinion on but like to make fun of are: The Arcade Fire since they sound like Bruce Springsteen (no, for reals), Modest Mouse since that guy's cadence is the indie Red Hot Chili Peppers, Bright Eyes even though it's too obvious and um, I dunno. Wilco?

I am fully aware of how arbitrary my mocking of said bands is. I, for example, love the Shins despite their increasingly creepy popularity and somewhat lackluster latest album. I'm also ridiculously into Calla, TV on the Radio and uh, oh, I'm kind of digging Oxford Collapse and I find Matt & Kim to be quite charming. So, y'know, it's arbitrary. And while I obviously have a soft spot for indie shit right now, I've also been into all kinds of electronic and experimental music, plus, shit, I like a lot of hiphop.

So. Anyway, thoughts? Not looking for a meathead (although, honestly, most meatheads don't identify themselves as meatheads). Obviously if you're into U2 or the radio or whatnot we won't have much to talk about. Some stats for me are 5'8", 125#, black hair, non-white (I would say what race I am but I'm sick of guys searching CL ads and then wasting time mailing me with their fetishes). If you think you might want to hook up, you should be tall and thin with lots of shaggy hair (but not, like, mid90s alternaboy hair) and able to discuss the bands I mentioned and/or science or art or something else cool.

Please don't be flabby or have a section of gut that hangs over your belt. In fact, please don't tuck your shirt in at all. That flies fine with preppy girls, but not with me.

As you can see, this woman is ideal for ben.

What do you mean (though only to note that I, too, would like to punch Joanna Newsom in the face, because she sucks).???

Write back immediately and ask this girl out. She's perfect for you.

It's probably Joanna Newsom trying to conduct a sting operation. Does she live in the Bay Area?

19: Perhaps he's being coy, and the reason she took down the ad was that she realized no one else could possibly compete with ben's devastatingly charming response.

I assumed she was looking for someone who's less than seven years younger than she is.

21: You may be right.

Ben, she's not going to ask you out. She's just like you, way too self-conscious to do something as boringly ordinary as asking someone out. So you have to do it.

Seven years is nothing, Ben.

Doesn't the ad being down mean that the email address probably won't work? Too late, Ben!

22: The last time I said something like that everyone acted like I was crazy.

Dating older women is absolutely fool-proof, Ben.

You know what I'd like to know? Why do so many women put 27 as their bottom cut-off age? As a 26/M I am obviously affected by this. I believe I have the maturity of someone a year older than myself; indeed, I soon will be one year older than I am. Why this discrimination against someone just because of "how much time has passed since they were born"?

22, 26: You and Ben are crazy.

Were crazy. I've changed my ways.

Why do so many women put 27 as their bottom cut-off age?

Let's see here...age divided by 2, plus 7...then do that in reverse...it's obviously because so many women are pretending to be exactly 40 years old and no older.

So many women whose ads intrigue you, that is.

They'll probably raise it to 28 on your birthday, Adam. You're going to be standing in the ticket line for a long time.

27: This might answer your question.

Why do so many women put 27 as their bottom cut-off age?

Probably just most people's reflex age at when they consider someone "late twenties". You're being punished because an absurdly high percentage of guys in their early twenties are complete douchebags.

And who takes every line of the ad seriously? You're never going to get laid if you don't learn to lie a little.

don't be younger than 28

33 is absolutely right. As is the first sentence of 34.

Vindicated! Too bad.

Here's the mistake the ad in 35 makes.

"PLEASE PLEASE don't send me any pictures of your penis or bare chests."

Uh, you want to know who those people are. Do you really want to go out with someone who didn't send a penis pic only because you told them not to?

They're still going to send her the penis pics. Don't you worry.

I yield to the voice of experience.

Wouldn't that be sad if you were that kind of guy, and you had a particularly unphotogenic penis?

unphotogenic penis

Assumes facts not in evidence.

Oh, Ned, your photos were fine.

Wouldn't that be sad if you were that kind of guy, and you had a particularly unphotogenic penis?

You can still get circumsized as an adult.

Should I change my birthdate in my Nerve profile?

I don't know if it's worth it, though. The thing with dating older women is that it's not sustainable in the long term -- sooner or later, they're going to start dying off.

Another annoyance: If you want someone to "explore Chicago with and see all this great city has to offer," you can go to hell.

Plus: Everyone in the world likes music and travel.

I think that you should remove all references to Kalamazoo or Ypsilanti or Bouillabaisse or wherever the fuck in Michigan you're from.

I especially like it when people are "fed up with games."

I always think, Oh really? Who's the common denominator in your past relationships?

48: A lot of people on Craigslist seem to be giving Craigslist one last try, too.

Everyone in the world likes music and travel.

Oh yeah?

Adam, are you serious? Because if so, the answer is that writing two literate sentences in response to any ad will instantly catapult you into the "Hmmmm, he's worth considering" category.

Alternatively, you can actually mention your age in your response. Not the lame testimonial ("My Internet friends say I act much older than my age...") but straight out -- "I know I'm younger than what you say you're looking for."

Kotsko's not serious until he posts his profile here.

Alternatively, you can actually mention your age in your response.

No way. A good lie is much better. Odds are it won't go anywhere anways, so who cares? And if it does get serious, then she'll be too invested/like you too much to care.

Especially a good lie about your age. Say you're 33 1/3.

I would generally care a little bit if I found out that someone had been lying to me about a basic element of their background for the entire time I had known that person.

No way. A good lie is much better.

Actually, you know what is the best? A funny, obvious lie. Not the truth, but not grounds for genuine hurt feelings later.

Say you're 33 1/3.

No way, say you're 27 years, two months, and six days old.

Or there's always Kris Kringle's answer from Miracle on 34th Street: As old as my tongue, and a little bit older than my teeth.

Probably not a line that would jibe with Kotsko's schtick, though.

(countdown to Mineshaft joke in 3...2...1....)

51: "Serious" about what?

Someone just added me to her "hot list" tonight, fyi.

Or 31 years, 5 months, and a day.

Um, serious about your question in 45.

Someone just added me to her "hot list" tonight, fyi.

It's easier for me to keep tabs this way.

If it will get him laid more, the answer to 45 is obviously yes.

Say, "I'm this many" and then flash your fingers until it adds up to 27.

27 years, two months, and six days old.

December 11, 1979?

It doesn't seem worth it to lie, especially since I'm not very good at it.

Suppose a constant month of 30 days; then he's lived 27.18 years.

I mean, if she can't get that, is she really worth Kotsko's time?

Depending on how depraved you are, Kotsko, it's totally worth it. Or so I've been led to believe.

I thought the cut-off was 27. Why would she care how much he cleared that by?

And I'm uncomfortable supposing a constant month length.

Don't you recognize the first four digits of e when you see them?

You see, it's the fact that it results in him being 10e years old that makes this lie a good, obvious lie.

In fact, ScarJo told me that she prefers available men reference their age as x, the upper limit of integration of the integral from 0 to x of the natural log.

Natural log of anything in particular?

"natural log" means "please send penis pics".

Ben, you should email this woman and ask "What about Carla Bley? Do you want to punch her in the face?" And if she writes back and says "No," then either make a date or ask "Well, would you care if I did?"

I like Carla Bley. "Genuine Tong Funeral".

Can I ban John Emerson? We're having a **LOT** of fun here.

So people are literally taking pictures of their own penises? I cannot fathom that. I'm not embarrassed to show it live and in person when circumstances warrant, but -- well, I guess what I'm thinking is that being walked in on while taking a picture of my cock would be qualitatively more embarrassing than if I were masturbating.

Plus presumably you'd want to take a picture while fully erect? Or maybe a "before and after" set?

Jeez, heebie-jeepie holds a grudge for-fucking-ever.

Plus presumably you'd want to take a picture while fully erect?

The very fact that you have to ask this speaks volumes.

If you were selling your car, would you only put up a picture of it taken from underneath, or after it hadn't been washed in 18 months?

So people are literally taking pictures of their own penises?

Dude, remember that Jason Fortuny debacle? All too common.

Or 31 years, 5 months, and a day.

4 months.

#76 I like Carla Bley, too. But I'm willing to make sacrifices for Ben.

I always just do a Google image search for "penis" and try to find one that kind of looks like mine.

Adam, where were you when people were sending in cock pics for an Unfogged Cock Gallery?

82: Someone who'd been alive for 33.33 years? I guess, but I was going for someone who'd been alive 31.41 years—you know, the first four digits of pi.

Ah, never mind...I wasn't reading it as being converted to decimals. Foolish me.

79 I'm a wrathful lil ninja. But if you tell me you think I'm funny, I'll love you forever.

That's our SnackyCakes!

You're too old to be my granddaughter, I think, but funny.

Love you like a grandpa, Pops Emerson!

Off to rummage up some food.

Re: 17: Someone really has to tell her she can't be dissing Newsom's lack of authenticity when she listens to bands like "So So Many White White Tigers" and "Oxford Collapse." (And somebody needs to form a Band Names Commission to put a moratorium on "Tiger" and "Wolf" names.)

I hate the "living out loud" theme to a lot of personals. Half the fags on the Spring Street ads sound like they've just come from a Tony Robbins seminar.

I had no idea that straight guys send pecker pics to women; I'm kind of astonished. How can they seriously think that's going to work?

You gay people are so tame.

Peter Pepper popped a pic of Peter's pecker.

Dude, straight men send pictures of their hardons to women ALL THE TIME. It's not an online personals profile without a pic of your dick.

Every three seconds, another cock picture is sent in America.

This woman is only 18 and she has a plan for world peace; I think she might be the one.

Ogged is close-minded.

100.

Also, Ogged, you should send her a picture of your cock.

Favorite color, "Bright neon colors!"

Yikes.

STOP THE DRAMA!

You should write her and say that she can't be reincarnated as someone older than she is.

It's good that she's thick, though.

It's good that she's thick, though.

5'2 and thick at 18 means damn near spherical by 40.

98: She has a puppy and no human friends. How desperate are you?

Video games rock her socks, what more could I want?

You people are mocking a child. I hope you realize that.

We were all doubtless mocked at 18. It's the circle of life.

I'm not mocking her, I was genuinely charmed by "STOP THE DRAMA!" But that was before I noticed that she was thick.

If she follows the link over here, you are both going to hell.

The "Where do you see yourself in five years?" "College" exchange puts it all in perspective.

Also weird that a professed atheist says "Spirituality: essential for life"

I sincerely doubt that she can see referrers for her personal ad.

I think she's charming.

113: You never know with these Iranian sites.

114: "charming" s/b "hot"

By the way, did you know it's possible to find someone's Facebook profile going on nothing but her appearance and a very vague sense of where she lives? Strange but true.

Stalker!

I'm sufficiently impressed with my own ingenuity at the moment to withstand your barbs.

You have her name? Doubtless there's people with Lexis access around here who could pull her address so you could start driving by her house.

There's a university directory, you know.

Good job dude.

I did not actually look up her address, although I could have.

Do it. DO IT.

What am I being exhorted to do?

I guess I was backing up gswift's call for looking up her address, but, honestly, what would you do with it? So the real question is whether you've come up with a devastatingly brilliant email reply for these ads.

Stalk.

So the real question is whether you've come up with a devastatingly brilliant email reply for these ads.

Not yet, but I'm working on it.

You can't over-think these, Teo. Just send it. Who doesn't love waking up to find a reply to the personal ad she posted last night?

No cock-shot, though.

The stalking isn't actually quite as creepy as it sounds. This is a girl that I've seen around campus at irregular and widely spaced intervals since the beginning of the academic year. What distinguishes her from the hundreds of other people of whom that's true is that every time I see her she looks me right in the eye and smiles. We've never spoken more than a couple words, since every time we see each other something keeps us from being able to talk, but I have a very strong suspicion that she likes me. The last time I saw her was Friday afternoon, and since then I've been thinking about her and browsing through Facebook, bemoaning the fact that not knowing someone's name makes it virtually impossible to find out anything else about them. Not completely impossible, though, and now that my diligence has paid off I'm quite satisfied with my efforts. Still not sure what to do next, though. Facebook's not really a personals site; even though it would be possible to use it that way, most people don't.

Still not sure what to do next, though. Facebook's not really a personals

You're killing me. No more thinking about it.

ASK. HER. OUT.

Jesus, Teo. Send her a message saying, "hey! I was browsing around in Facebook and that's you!" Tell her who you are, and say something like it's nice to at least know her name, finally.

Then she'll respond, and based on the tone of her response you either move on to asking her out, or not.

Yeah, sweet christ, just do it. "I keep running into you, and, gosh, there you are on facebook! How funny! Would you like to get some coffee sometime, or sex?"

sigh, pwned. Just listen to B.

Just listen to B.

As always. Really, does this even need to be said?

135: I just wanted to be sure he didn't actually ask for sex on the first facebook-message. That's an advanced move, and I don't think he's quite ready. I'd forgotten how authoritative I sound sometimes, and didn't want to be responsible for misleading the trusting.

No, no, bossing people into doing silly things is fun!

Fine, you win. Christ. Ask her for sex, Teo. She'll think it's cute.

Yes, of course that's what I'm going to do. The "not sure what to do next" thing was just a throwaway line for rhetorical effect. Maybe I should stop putting those in; they seem to confuse people.

139 to 131-133. Whether to ask for sex is something I should probably think about when it isn't 3AM.

140: no, no, 3am is precisely when you need to decide this stuff. You're going about this all wrong.

I'm not always asking for advice when I talk about this stuff, you know.

Giving unasked advice is more fun than writing about Tocqueville, I can assure you.

I believe that.

"I thought this one was good...."

The link:

This posting has been deleted by its author.

145: eb already blogged about that at #9 (and w-lfs-n posted the text at 17).

looking up her address, but, honestly, what would you do with it?

Sit under her window blasting Nickelback all summer.

Tell the manager of her complex that you're her brother and that you want to surprise her on her birthday. He'll let you into her appartment and you will surprise her, and also find out if she has a sense of humor.

Facebook's not really a personals site.

This runs counter to my experience.

Well, for the right person even a church is just a singles bar.

My parents met at church!

e

I hope they didn't distract the congregation too much.

146: No, Becks posted the text at 17.

147: I'd have to track down her home address to do that. Which, meh.

Well, my dad's family always made a point of sitting in the very front row, so I guess they were probably pretty visible.

After meeting at church, my parents went to a wrestling match on their first non-church date.

It may be a little late to respond, but:

94: Well, I mean of course guys send pecker pics to each other, THAT's no surprise, but...

96: This doesn't actually WORK for women, does it? Y'all don't actually want penis auditions, do you? If so, I must prepare myself to be very disillusioned. And certainly never again try to give any straight guy friends advice about women.

I think in 96 the first sentence is true and the second sentence is joking.

This doesn't actually WORK for women, does it?

I suspect it succeeds about as often as does whistling out of a car window at women on the sidewalk.

There should be a campaign to send back to these cock-photo boys a nice, natural hairy vulva shot, almost clinical in its non-pornness. Really flood their inbox with like twenty of them.

Which, meh.

No, you need to trust me on this one. You spend the summer blasting the Nickelback and then Cryptic Ned will come and make out with her in the back seat of your car. This is going to be great.

a nice, natural hairy vulva shot, almost clinical in its non-pornness

"I don't care if you wanna get all up in there. I don't care how grotesque and close up you wanna get, how gynecological. Some people don't like that kind of stuff. I'm not that kind of person."

Excellent link!

You know what's a fun game? Making ridiculous comments just to see what links it generates.

"You know? I've never heard of people having sex with real, actual robots, now that I think about it. Like full on Armitron robotics. While in hot-air balloons."

Send a picture of Courbet's L'Origine du monde.

Will this do, heebie?

Yes, excellent. This is awesome!

It's like playing fetch, crossed with a scavenger hunt. But I don't want you all to grow weary of the game, so I'll use it sparingly.

See also Diesel Sweeties passim.

That's the spirit!

Okay, I just sent her a message. We'll see what happens.

Yay! What'd you say?

re: 168

Good luck, son.

I posted an ad on Craigslist last night. Locating it is left as an exercise to the reader.

Notice that Adam doesn't state that he posted it in the Chicago craigslist.

Clearly this one.

Another contender.

Does "not a fan of 'curves'" mean he is looking for somebody who does not clean her plate?

174 has to be it.

Or just that he is straight?

You spend the summer blasting the Nickelback and then Cryptic Ned will come and make out with her in the back seat of your car.

It wasn't HIS car. Making improper use of a buddy's ex-girlfriend AND car simultaneously is an obvious violation of the "ManCode".

156.3: It's funny. Initially you think "what are these jerks thinking?" Then, once you get used to it, you actually look at the pictures and think, "hmm, not bad" or "jesus, if I had a cock that looked like *that*, I wouldn't be sending pictures of it to anyone. . ."

But no, in the end, one doesn't pick guys b/c of their cock pics.

Wait a minute, I thought you met the boyfriend in a chat room.

Oy, w-lfs-n is _also_ younger than me? Again with the making me feel unaccomplished.

I would probably subconsciously shy away from a boy who is significantly younger than me b/c a) I'd be worried about traumatizing them with my own inexperience and b) I'm a little paranoid about having to mother anyone because I have a slight tendency of giving in to whining or sulking. It's totally unreasonable to worry about this regarding younger men in particular, just a prejudice, but there it is.

I am actually totally bewildered by personals sites. I've played with one, mostly b/c it comes with a lot of bells and whistles which make it fun even if you're not seriously using it to find dates, but I find the whole concept rather baffling. I had no idea cock shots were part of the game. Should I be offended that I haven't gotten any? Realy, I'm relieved. I'm also bewildered by the concept of being asked out at a bar, though.

I did; a chat room associated with an "adult" site that had profiles. But chat's a better way to actually "meet" people. IME.

I have a slight tendency of giving in to whining or sulking. It's totally unreasonable to worry about this regarding younger men in particular

Not at all.

Well, Ile, I'm evidently younger than you, and I don't whine or sulk.

I do nothing but whine and sulk... but sexily.

This guy is cute. His ad smacks of pretension, but I like "Doggy Show."

Anyone who announces that he'd miss the Ice Factory is, indeed, pretentious, notwithstanding that I saw an excellent show there once.

What'd you say?

Basically what people in this thread recommened: that I'd seen her around a lot but hadn't had a chance to talk to her, and that I saw her facebook profile and thought I'd drop her a line. No response yet.

Nicely done.

Thanks.

Whining and sulking is the subject of epics.

188: "People" s/b ME.

186: Expression in the picture, though: +4 Gaze of Tool.

192: It always has to be about you, doesn't it?

193: Well put.

194: No, but I insist on properly crediting one's sources.

If you look at comment 133, you'll see that X. Trapnel suggested something very similar independently of you. And I said what I was already intending to say before either of you commented, actually.

So, if she says "That was a very nice message, teo, and gracefully done," does he just say "Thank you," or is he obligated to give credit?

Independently, but *after the fact*. And you say you intended to do that *now*....

What about now? Have you heard from her now?

What about now?

now?

199: I didn't say I took anyone's advice, only that the content of the message was similar to what you and X. Trapnel had suggested. This is probably a good place to mention that I actually really, really hate being bossed around and getting unsolicited advice.

200-202: Still no.

BW: Statistical point scored for your gender and age group, well done.

AK: That's exactly what I'm afraid of.

191: Good point, but I recall being a little disappointed with how little anyone got it on in in that one.

Teo, you'll find as you get older, that things work out better if you *smile* when you get unsolicited advice.

So that's what you should do.

I do generally smile, but I still don't like it.

I actually really, really hate being bossed around and getting unsolicited advice.

You're totally hanging with the wrong crowd.

205: That's the problem with the apparent Unfogged ban on emoticons, which I frequently fail to observe.
206: Ha.

And I finally clicked on the link in 5. That's got to be the same person an earlier ad of whose was discussed, perhaps not with the greatest of charity, a while back.

Yes, I'm pretty sure that is the same person.

You're totally hanging with the wrong crowd.

Would you like me to stop?

Not at all! I *like* being bossy.

I don't like unsolicited advice either, so I try to at least acknowledge when I am imposing it on others. Sometimes I am better at this than other times.

That said, in the last few years I have gotten a bit more forgiving of the Mrs. Bennets of the world and their endless preoccupation with matchmaking. A lasting and loving relationship is such a treasure, especially when you're traveling through a whitewater phase of life.

Unsolicitated Advice R Us.

Does it count as "advice" when it boils down to a blanket no-relationships policy, JE?

211: I'd like to think that I'd have replied to either of those ads back when I was that age, but I sort of doubt I would have.

204: I've actually had considerable success among older women, despite my sulkiness, slovenly dress, various nervous tics, lack of money, etc. You old ladies have no taste whatsoever!

A lasting and loving relationship is such a treasure

By contrast to the normal relationship.

218: Our standards have been beaten down by life. In another decade or so, we'll be giving the same advice as Emerson.

I think I may be following Emerson's advice involuntarily.

I had some unsolicited advice once---pan fried, with a nice white truffle cream sauce and a crisp Loire valley white.

She wrote back!

220: That's what I find sexy -- the cynicism. Young women are too fucking hopeful.

Hey! Cool!

Yay! Now! ...so what'd she say?

Woot!

223: That's what sucks -- stories like these are what keeps you up at night, asking "Is it stalking? Or will it be a sweet story she'll tell everyone about how we met? Creepy -- or absolutely romantic?"

She commended me on my choice of major, mentioned that she spends most evenings in the library (the one where I work), and invited me to stop by some time.

224: Indeed. Nothing is sexier than the feeling that you can't possibly disappoint someone, no matter what.

Yay Teo! Now, dole out little snippets of updates to satisfy us, and keep the rest private.

(Oh, look, more unsolicited advice.)

230: I actually became aroused, reading that comment.

231: You got it. The more unsolicited advice, the fewer snippets, though.

204: Oh come now, Kotsko, no need to confuse the issue. Despite my antiquity, I do have the good taste to mind neither neurotic antiquity nor threadbare apparel. And it's not a matter of minding the sulkiness so much as wishing to avoid falling into its trap.
221:Ditto.
223:Nice.
224/230: Or you could take it as a challenge to surprise.

Oh, she played it perfectly, etiquette-wise. Excellent!

Have you told her you're giving play-by-play to all your imaginary internet friends?

Oh, she played it perfectly, etiquette-wise. Excellent!

Have you told her you're giving play-by-play to all your imaginary internet friends?

236: I think I'll save that revelation for the third date or so.

232: But of course.

mentioned that she spends most evenings in the library (the one where I work)

Tell her you'd like to get to know her in the bibliographical sense.

241: Again with the unsolicited advice.

The more unsolicited advice, the fewer snippets, though.

Since I don't want any snippets, I'll advise you to read everything at this site.

Kotsko plays a role our plan to discredit relationships for everyone. We've assigned him to the wounded and the elderly stragglers, so that we can dedicate our elite forces to the twentysomething front lines.

235-238 is weird.

"So this is our third date and I should probably tell you that I've been publishing a detailed account of my first stalking our relationship for my friends on the internet. Also, they're going to be hella disappointed if you don't sleep with me tonight."

234 2nd antiquity s/b poverty. Very different, though I apparently have both.

242: To be fair, Teo, if you're going to post blow-by-blow details of your life, people are going to offer advice from time to time.

There's an O. Henry stalker romance short story that I've been trying to find online, but I can't remember what it was called. Anyone know what I'm thinking of? It involved following someone from train to train.

the library (the one where I work)

I worked in BYU library for a semester. Chicks getting flashed was amusingly frequent.

No, this is not advice. Although it could be.

250: That's really revolting, actually. Nothing like the expectation of some asshole flashing you to keep you from using the library.

249: Are you sure it's O. Henry? The only vague possibility I can think of is the one where a woman meets a man she used to know on the train. She thinks he is a law-enforcement officer, handcuffed to the felon he is transporting. Of course she doesn't notice that the handcuff is on his right wrist.

251: The patriarchy, trying to suppress the female intellect! It's penetrated even to Salt Lake City!

That's really revolting, actually.

Better than getting emailed a pic. You know it's not been photoshopped.

Oh, hush up, Adam.

248: I realize that, but I figure they'll do it a little less frequently if I ask them politely to please not because I'm having a hard time emotionally right now and I'm not able to deal with it as well as I usually can.

251: Pah. Getting flashed is nothing compared to the masturbating, the "accidental" display of porn on the Internet terminals, the cell-phone camera picture-taking....

254: Arguably, women on dating sites are soliciting men to send them photos.

But yes, you're exactly right. The photos are harassment too. Dammit! I hate you all!

True story that is source of much amusement in my family. My older sister got flashed when she was 15 or so. Cops called, cop is trying to take a report, and of course asks for a description. "Well, I wasn't looking at his face."

256: Fair enough, my bad. It slipped my mind. I'm sorry.

259: Well, of course she wasn't. One looks at things that move, instinctively. If his hands are fiddling with his pants, or whatever, then you're going to look down.

244: I'm the last stop before old maidhood or lesbianism.

260: No biggie.

244: Oh, well then, I'll leave him to it, and prepare myself to fight off those elite troops.

I'm definitely thinking of an O. Henry story - I'm associating the story with me reading it on a train, and I know I had a signet or bantam or something like that edition of his stories - but I could have the plot all wrong.

265: Do you remember anything else about it? Even odd details like a character's name or something? It's been years since I read any O. Henry, but I think I was unusually impressionable at the time, because I remember *a lot*.

But now I want to read the handcuff story, too.

mentioned that she spends most evenings in the library (the one where I work), and invited me to stop by some time

Ask her to meet you in HQs. Women find knowledge of the LC classification schedules incredibly sexy!

268: I had forgotten about my old fetish for certain male librarians until you said that.

"My name's teo, but you can call me Dewey."

HQ801!

PR4000s. C'mon!

In every generation there is a chosen one, Teo.

267: Handcuff story is "Hearts and Hands," available through Project Gutenberg here.

271: Awwwwww.

274: Thanks. I remember spoiler details (if they're accurate) of the story I'm thinking of, which I'll share as soon as I give up the searching I'm still doing. What's annoying is I still have that book, but it's being stored on the other side of the country.

276: Not to give you unsolicited advice or anything, but have you tried going to Amazon or Powells and just looking at the covers of the O. Henry anthologies? If the jacket rings a bell, you can always look at the table of contents and perhaps figure out the story by looking at the titles.

Powell's! Powell's

I blame the web.

274: Hey thanks.

I'll try Powell's; Amazon's results have been too broad.

Found it! "Best-Seller"

Ah, I would never have come up with that one -- hadn't read it until just now. Thanks.

“If you'd take his remarks and set 'em to music, and then take the music away from 'em, they'd sound exactly like one of George Cohan's songs.”—I'm moderately interested in this Cohan fellow now.

He wasn't actually Jewish, you know.

Oh I refuse to let myself get sucked in to reading O Henry now. Time for paper reading and bed.

Gung Hay Fat Choy everyone!

The handcuff story is great.

229: damn, Teo, you're halfway in her pants. And remember that the only thing hotter than sex in a university library is sex in a university library with someone who works there.

Actually, I lie; university chapels are hotter. But only a little.

I'd better hurry, then; I leave this job at the end of the month.

PostSecret reminds us that some people need a good flashing. (might have to cut and past the URL)

http://photos1.blogger.com/x/blogger/994/593/1600/866551/giraffe.jpg

Interesting choice of postcard there.

See if you can get a temporary job at the university chapel.

Doing what?

Administering the mysteries.

I think they've already got someone for that.

Not those ones.

Maybe you could deliver a pizza to her at the university chapel.

Then, when she opens the pizza box...

This idea has potential. Thanks, Adam.

The way I heard the story decades ago it was a bag of popcorn.