Re: A Great Mistake

1

World's collide? Neighbor, please.


Posted by: Jackmormon | Link to this comment | 02-21-07 4:54 PM
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Evidence hidden.


Posted by: ogged | Link to this comment | 02-21-07 5:08 PM
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I have a friend who was once threatened with a samurai sword after he hooked up with a girl.


Posted by: teofilo | Link to this comment | 02-21-07 5:20 PM
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Holy crap. You must watch the video in the second link. It's totally portraying the video-watcher as a victim.


Posted by: Becks | Link to this comment | 02-21-07 5:37 PM
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It's mighty embarassing not being able to tell sex-noises from being-attacked noises.

Unless dude in question was watching some really bizarre pr0n.


Posted by: Michael | Link to this comment | 02-21-07 5:38 PM
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Which, I'm sorry, but if you're watching porn with screams that sound like someone being raped, it's probably because you're watching rape fantasy porn. Which make you one creepy-ass motherfucker, not the wacky misunderstood neighbor or, for god's sake, a victim.


Posted by: Becks | Link to this comment | 02-21-07 5:38 PM
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rape fantasy porn?

Ogged, does this exist?


Posted by: Michael | Link to this comment | 02-21-07 5:40 PM
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Far be it from me to disagree with the porn mavens of Unfogged, but doesn't a lot of porn feature women making noises that dude-who-lives-with-his-mother-with-no-phone could mistake for something untoward?


Posted by: ogged | Link to this comment | 02-21-07 5:41 PM
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Is Becks seriously arguing that consumers of certain kinds of porn deserve to be attacked with swords?


Posted by: teofilo | Link to this comment | 02-21-07 5:41 PM
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I agree with 8. 6 is ridiculous. In a lot of porn the only noise you can hear for minutes at a time is the woman exaggerating her screams.


Posted by: Cryptic Ned | Link to this comment | 02-21-07 5:42 PM
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OK, maybe I haven't watched enough porn. I'll admit that. But don't "good screams" usually sound a little bit different than "I'm being held and raped" screams?


Posted by: Becks | Link to this comment | 02-21-07 5:43 PM
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Once again, guy who lives with his mother and responds to perceived threats by brandishing a samurai sword.


Posted by: Cryptic Ned | Link to this comment | 02-21-07 5:44 PM
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From the porn I've seen or overheard, it usually sounds more like anxious little mewls of faked excitement. I did wonder about the sounds a few times when I lived above a sex-shop, but the "I'm in danger" sounds were in the definite minority.


Posted by: Jackmormon | Link to this comment | 02-21-07 5:44 PM
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Also, if you live in a building with multiple apartments---or an apartment with multiple residents!---you really shouldn't turn the volume on your pr0n up to 11. It's just bad manners.


Posted by: Jackmormon | Link to this comment | 02-21-07 5:47 PM
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14 - That's true. Hell, I was watching a horror movie over the weekend and turned down the volume specifically because I didn't want any of my neighbors to think I was being attacked and come knocking.


Posted by: Becks | Link to this comment | 02-21-07 5:48 PM
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Wah, I'm a victim because I'm embarassed that my neighbor heard me watching violent porn and thought I might be attacking someone. Isn't this just where normal people would just cringe their way out of it?


Posted by: Cala | Link to this comment | 02-21-07 5:51 PM
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Since we're talking about Wisconsin, I'm pretty sure this "I'm the victim" reaction can chalked up to what my friend calls Enwhitelment.


Posted by: ogged | Link to this comment | 02-21-07 5:53 PM
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And the police confiscated the guy's sword, which he said was a family heirloom! (Ok, that one's probably for the best.)


Posted by: Jackmormon | Link to this comment | 02-21-07 5:53 PM
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Samurai sword guy has been waiting for that moment his. Whole. Damn. Life. Leeroy Jenkins to the rescue!

The porn-at-top-volume guy can't be the sharpest knife in the drawer, but frustrated vigilantes who live with their parents... shit. I guess at least he's not PUSA, that's something.


Posted by: Doctor Slack | Link to this comment | 02-21-07 5:53 PM
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Once again, I don't know if we can assume it was violent porn. To refresh your memories: Guy who lives with his mother, and has no phone, and responds to perceived threats to a stranger by brandishing a samurai sword.


Posted by: Cryptic Ned | Link to this comment | 02-21-07 5:54 PM
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OK, I keep re-reading 12, 17, and 19 and laughing my ass off.


Posted by: Becks | Link to this comment | 02-21-07 5:55 PM
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I just figure loony samurai sword guy probably has heard porn in the building before and usually doesn't burst in with swords. But maybe it was just loud screechy porn. Even so. Sidle sidle mutter drop it.


Posted by: Cala | Link to this comment | 02-21-07 5:57 PM
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However! I can see some possible chain of events where this guy isn't crazy. I mean, if you heard what you thought was an attack going on next door, wouldn't you grab the closest possible weapon? AND if you weren't exactly in the position to be brandishing weapons all the time might it be that the only thing that looked workable was an heirloom samurai sword hanging on the wall? (if no baseball bats or golf clubs or such were nearby?) I mean, it's possible.

I think the possibility of it being misunderstood-samurai-guy/creepy-ass-motherfucker vs. crazy-samurai-dude/innocent-porn-watcher has to be at least 50/50.


Posted by: Becks | Link to this comment | 02-21-07 5:58 PM
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5: 7: Michael, you need to get out more. There's porn available for anything ever done or thought of.

Beyond the indicator of guy who lives with his mother there's also that some porns attempt to have "plots" and one with "ever so grateful after rescue" isn't all that far-fetched.

As for the incident itself and the charges, from here it looks like morons alternating with idiots all the way down.


Posted by: Biohazard | Link to this comment | 02-21-07 5:59 PM
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Loony samurai sword guy may live with his mother and may be a loony samurai sword guy, but he's 37. Hasn't he heard normal-sounding porn before?


Posted by: Jackmormon | Link to this comment | 02-21-07 5:59 PM
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But don't "good screams" usually sound a little bit different than "I'm being held and raped" screams?

I wouldn't know what "I'm being held and raped" screams sound like, and I'd be sort of surprised if most people had sufficient experience with screams to discriminate well. Having the cops knock down your door because you were watching porn (or even yer average scary movie, I would guess) would be bad; having your neighbor do it while brandishing a sword is well beyond that. The sort of guy who picks up his broadsword to do battle has to be giving off creepy vibes to begin with, no? Actual home invasion kicks it up a notch.


Posted by: SomeCallMeTim | Link to this comment | 02-21-07 6:00 PM
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23.--Well, if it ever gets to court, that defense would be brought up. It would be instantly countered with the "normal people call the police" argument, though.


Posted by: Jackmormon | Link to this comment | 02-21-07 6:00 PM
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26 - OK, true. I'd think a friendly "umm...is there anything going on in there..." knock or a call to the cops would be warranted before breaking down the door.


Posted by: Becks | Link to this comment | 02-21-07 6:01 PM
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29

Huh. So this is what being BitchPhD feels like.


Posted by: Becks | Link to this comment | 02-21-07 6:02 PM
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23: An acquaintance was once rescued from a violent jackass (he'd broken her arm and she had barricaded herself in the bathroom while screaming) by a neighbor with an ice axe. "Nearest thing to hand" sounds plausible, except that all white guys who live with their moms who have samurai swords hanging on their walls really ought to be smacked for being annoying.

(If they're one of the serious collectors, instead of the gaijin ninja alliance of doom, they'll understand and accept the slap.)


Posted by: Cala | Link to this comment | 02-21-07 6:03 PM
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29. Not until you claim 6 was a joke we just didn't get it.


Posted by: Michael | Link to this comment | 02-21-07 6:04 PM
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29: Nice. (I seem to be saying that a lot; perhaps I'm regressing to sixteen.)


Posted by: SomeCallMeTim | Link to this comment | 02-21-07 6:05 PM
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Well, if it was actually a family heirloom, it might have been one of those trophies of war that a number of WWII vets from the Pacific Theater brought home.


Posted by: Jackmormon | Link to this comment | 02-21-07 6:05 PM
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On the whole, I'm inclined to give the guy props for caring about the safety of his neighbors. It does sound like he's a bit weird in the interpersonal department, but he sounds decent enoough.

And maybe his mom is sick and dying of cancer and he's her caregiver? Any of you heartless goons think of that?


Posted by: Michael | Link to this comment | 02-21-07 6:06 PM
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24. I was trying to make Ogged play resident-porn-expert again, but he didn' fall for it, the sly persian.


Posted by: Michael | Link to this comment | 02-21-07 6:07 PM
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36

Also, are they in a big city or in smallville? In smallville you probably have a while before the cops show up, and it would be nice if the neighbors called the cops but made sure the screams weren't an actual crime.


Posted by: Cala | Link to this comment | 02-21-07 6:08 PM
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37

Incroyable !! Rape porn and Jet Li all in the same building. Must be a hell of an address.


Posted by: swampcracker | Link to this comment | 02-21-07 6:11 PM
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38

I'm inclined to side with the Samurai; like Cala says, it's basically a noble impulse, but breaking down the door without knocking is definitely odd, and "I intended to hold it behind my back and knock. But I froze and instead, what happened happened," is kinda weak.


Posted by: ogged | Link to this comment | 02-21-07 6:11 PM
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38: Either your punctuation is confusing me, or I don't know what you mean. You are on the nutter's side or the other one?


Posted by: SomeCallMeTim | Link to this comment | 02-21-07 6:15 PM
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40

I have spoken.


Posted by: ogged | Link to this comment | 02-21-07 6:16 PM
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41

Dude--read the articles. It was a cavalry sword, not a samurai sword. About a kajillion of them are floating around as heirlooms from family that was in cavalry units. Still weird to be threatening someone with, but not as obviously dorky as the guys who have samurai swords.

Confession: I own three swords. But it would just be easier to beat the guy to death with my massive cock.


Posted by: Chopper | Link to this comment | 02-21-07 6:17 PM
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It's worth watching the video in the first link just to see the facial expression of the guy when the reporter asks him if this means he'll stop watching porn. ENWHITELMENT.


Posted by: ogged | Link to this comment | 02-21-07 6:18 PM
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breaking down the door without knocking is definitely odd

Definitely fatal if attempted around here. A shotgun with a 21" barrel beats a samurai sword every time.


Posted by: Biohazard | Link to this comment | 02-21-07 6:18 PM
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44

I used to own one more sword than I currently own, but one of them was taken from me by the police. In an airport.


Posted by: ben w-lfs-n | Link to this comment | 02-21-07 6:19 PM
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45

My ex and I once called the front desk of the hotel we were staying at because we were *convinced* the guy next door was killing his wife. This was probably a hallucination brought on by having seen The Conversation all too recently, and never having had a normal fight ourselves, we didn't know what they sounded like.

That said, when I was with Abusive Ex (like eight years ago), I kept wishing someone would hear me screaming and knock down the door with a samurai sword. That exact visual may have been involved.


Posted by: A White Bear | Link to this comment | 02-21-07 6:21 PM
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46

I can't watch the video, but I'm pleased to read that the guy is at least considering turning the sound down.


Posted by: Jackmormon | Link to this comment | 02-21-07 6:22 PM
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42 - It's also worth watching the video to see what they decide to do close ups of as they're talking about the incident: the TV, the porn DVD, the speaker, and his hand.


Posted by: Becks | Link to this comment | 02-21-07 6:23 PM
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I would gain a lot of respect for any Concerned Women of America-type group that decided to champion sword-guy's cause here. Mostly because I don't like having to listen to pr0n when I haven't signed on for it.


Posted by: Jackmormon | Link to this comment | 02-21-07 6:27 PM
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49

Note that the porn-watcher said that the sword guy burst into his apartment several hours AFTER the porn had been turned off. A point in the sword-wielder=nutter column.


Posted by: Magpie | Link to this comment | 02-21-07 6:28 PM
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50

Oh dear, good point, Magpie.


Posted by: Jackmormon | Link to this comment | 02-21-07 6:30 PM
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42: Small town Iran is apparently just like small town America: "If'n you weren't doing anything wrong, there wouldn't be any trouble."


Posted by: SomeCallMeTim | Link to this comment | 02-21-07 6:30 PM
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52

I kept wishing someone would hear me screaming and knock down the door with a samurai sword.

The reality is less exciting than your fantasy.


Posted by: Cryptic Ned | Link to this comment | 02-21-07 6:32 PM
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53

49: Maybe he's just slow getting up stairs.


Posted by: apostropher | Link to this comment | 02-21-07 6:32 PM
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54

You know what would've been better? If Cap'n Heroism had loaded an antique dueling pistol, walked up and knocked on the guy's door, then smacked his unsuspecting prey twice across the face with a white glove while saying "Unhand that lady, sir! I demand satisfaction!"

A little more seriously, it's a lucky thing that story turns out to be comedy instead of tragedy. More often than not, vigilantes suck.


Posted by: Doctor Slack | Link to this comment | 02-21-07 6:34 PM
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29, 31: One of these days, I'm going to have my last press conference, and then you won't have B to kick around anymore, fuckers.

Also, "enwhitelement" just cracks my shit up.


Posted by: bitchphd | Link to this comment | 02-21-07 6:37 PM
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56

The pic in 52 is teh awesome.


Posted by: A White Bear | Link to this comment | 02-21-07 6:38 PM
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57

It would seem the porn is mightier than the sword.


Posted by: Auto-banned | Link to this comment | 02-21-07 6:40 PM
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58

Wait a second, people. Based simply on the way the sword guy looks, you're not siding with enwhitelement man? Sword guy has a fucking pointy beard and crazy googley eyes, folks.

(I have to put in a word for the guy-living-with-mom thing here on account of my friend who lived with his elderly grandmother until her death, both because San Jose rents are outrageous and because he's a super nice guy who really loved his grandmother. Also, he's fucking gorgeous and I'd date him in a heartbeat except that we grew up together and it would feel incestuous.)


Posted by: bitchphd | Link to this comment | 02-21-07 6:43 PM
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59

Wait, you mean the pointy beard doesn't mean he's a minion of Satan? I guess I owe my building's security supervisor an apology.


Posted by: DS | Link to this comment | 02-21-07 6:46 PM
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60

I didn't notice before, but this incident took place in one of America's few lipogram cities. How many other cities have 5 of the same vowel and no other vowels in their names?


Posted by: Cryptic Ned | Link to this comment | 02-21-07 6:46 PM
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60: and all the vowels are pronounced the same way: Ah-KAH-nah-mah-wahk.

You know, when I read a story like that about the motherland, my heart fills with love for my people. Oh, James, living with his mom. Oh, Bret, the deve living upstairs. You're all right there, doncha know. You're all right.


Posted by: Halfway Done | Link to this comment | 02-21-07 7:09 PM
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I find it amusing that here we are arguing over who is crazier, and over at Lindsay's, they are arguing about different kinds of swords. I guess people really can have very different reactions to the same thing.


Posted by: rob helpy-chalk | Link to this comment | 02-21-07 7:11 PM
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You know, when I read a story like that about the motherland, my heart fills with love for my people. Oh, James, living with his mom. Oh, Bret, the deve living upstairs. You're all right there, doncha know. You're all right.

Whereas I want to run, screaming.


Posted by: bitchphd | Link to this comment | 02-21-07 7:16 PM
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64

How many other cities have 5 of the same vowel and no other vowels in their names?

It may well be the only one. Five vowels is a lot.


Posted by: teofilo | Link to this comment | 02-21-07 7:24 PM
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A commenter at Lindsay's says,

According to the Wisconsin Circuit Court Web site, he has a prior conviction for impersonating a police officer and a few disorderlies

I guess that settles it. Porn man wins.

close ups of as they're talking about the incident: the TV, the porn DVD, the speaker, and his hand.

I watched that, thinking, "what the hell was that close-up about?" Thanks, Becks.


Posted by: ogged | Link to this comment | 02-21-07 7:28 PM
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I bet there are some cities with 5 A's or E's in Germany.

If you want to be a truly enormous loser you could use this as a starting point to find one.


Posted by: Cryptic Ned | Link to this comment | 02-21-07 7:31 PM
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I'm an enormous enough loser to have just spent rather a lot of time looking through an atlas for American examples (in vain), so I'll take a look. I'm pretty skeptical about the prospects of finding any even in Germany, though.


Posted by: teofilo | Link to this comment | 02-21-07 7:34 PM
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68

A lot of Caucasian languages only have one vowel, so that could be your next starting point. I'm sure Emerson can refer you to a good interlinear gazetteer.


Posted by: Cryptic Ned | Link to this comment | 02-21-07 7:36 PM
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69

What about Wooloomooloo? Not in Germany, granted.


Posted by: Clownaesthesiologist | Link to this comment | 02-21-07 7:37 PM
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(And there's probably an argument to be made that there are only 4 vowels in Wooloomooloo.)


Posted by: Clownaesthesiologist | Link to this comment | 02-21-07 7:37 PM
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Okay, I looked at the German list and I didn't see any. I didn't look all that carefully, but I doubt there are any really long ones I missed.

The one-vowel thing is a myth, by the way. Kabardian has two, which I think is the lowest attested number.


Posted by: teofilo | Link to this comment | 02-21-07 7:38 PM
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72

I knew it was a bit sketchy when the language most frequently given as an example (Ubykh) has 2 vowels in its very name. That led me to believe it was an artifact of a mistaken attempt to create an alphabet.


Posted by: Cryptic Ned | Link to this comment | 02-21-07 7:39 PM
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73

The problem in the cases we've looked at is that English and German aren't languages that have both very long words and very few vowels. Oconomowoc and most of the other American examples that come close are from Algonquian languages. Australia and Polynesia would be good places to look for others.


Posted by: teofilo | Link to this comment | 02-21-07 7:41 PM
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74

73, meet 69.


Posted by: Clownaesthesiologist | Link to this comment | 02-21-07 7:42 PM
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72: The deal is that for some of these languages on a phonological level it's almost possible to posit a working system with one vowel or even none (in which case all vowels would be predictable allophones of certain consonants). People have done it, but the systems always break down in certain circumstances.


Posted by: teofilo | Link to this comment | 02-21-07 7:44 PM
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76

Ulugulu Junction


Posted by: eb | Link to this comment | 02-21-07 7:45 PM
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77

"Now I feel stupid," said James Van Iveren.

pretty much sums it up.


Posted by: mcmc | Link to this comment | 02-21-07 7:47 PM
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78

Doesn't RedHat have a product named after that?


Posted by: Clownaesthesiologist | Link to this comment | 02-21-07 7:47 PM
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79

76: I see at least two different vowels in that one.


Posted by: teofilo | Link to this comment | 02-21-07 7:47 PM
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80

For some reason, I can't help but picture Dwight from The Office as the guy who charges in with the sword to save the day....


Posted by: wiland | Link to this comment | 02-21-07 7:50 PM
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81

I hope he gets off with community service. Maybe six months of community service, but c'mon: this guy shouldn't go to jail.


Posted by: Jackmormon | Link to this comment | 02-21-07 7:56 PM
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82

There are a number of Australian names with 5 or more a's but they all have junction or creek or well or something like that. I'm not searching anymore.


Posted by: eb | Link to this comment | 02-21-07 7:57 PM
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83

Fiji might be a good place to look.


Posted by: teofilo | Link to this comment | 02-21-07 7:59 PM
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84

Walla Walla, WA?


Posted by: Clownaesthesiologist | Link to this comment | 02-21-07 7:59 PM
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85

Oljoro Orok, Kenya.


Posted by: eb | Link to this comment | 02-21-07 8:02 PM
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86

I believe this turn in the conversation heightens the contrast noted in 62.


Posted by: eb | Link to this comment | 02-21-07 8:02 PM
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87

69 contains a misspelling; the city's name is Woolloomooloo.


Posted by: Clownaesthesiologist | Link to this comment | 02-21-07 8:05 PM
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88

Mandazarana. The secret city of the Lur.


Posted by: John Emerson | Link to this comment | 02-21-07 8:05 PM
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89

Adharmapala.


Posted by: John Emerson | Link to this comment | 02-21-07 8:07 PM
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90

Dharmapalananan.


Posted by: John Emerson | Link to this comment | 02-21-07 8:08 PM
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91

Amalayalamanan


Posted by: John Emerson | Link to this comment | 02-21-07 8:11 PM
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92

How many other cities have 5 of the same vowel and no other vowels in their names?

Meeteetse, Santa Barbara (if multiple words are allowed), and sometimes Greeley Center.


Posted by: Victor Freeh | Link to this comment | 02-21-07 8:17 PM
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I know I'm late, but I can't believe any of you were siding with the crazy googley-eyed sword guy.

Also, I can't believe this happened in Oconomowoc, which I associate solely with a nice Jewish camp a lot of my friends went to.


Posted by: mrh | Link to this comment | 02-21-07 8:31 PM
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Damn, I should have looked at India; John's got some great ones. All I came up with is Guadalajara, which works if you don't consider the u a vowel (which you shouldn't).


Posted by: teofilo | Link to this comment | 02-21-07 8:39 PM
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95

India is a place to look, but there are those who might claim that those are fake names.


Posted by: John Emerson | Link to this comment | 02-21-07 8:40 PM
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96

Teo, does it make a difference that Indian cities with names like the ones John made up would not have any vowels in them at all when written out in their proper alphabet?


Posted by: Clownaesthesiologist | Link to this comment | 02-21-07 8:43 PM
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97

Here's an Indian one that isn't made up. Also, the capital of the second most backward district in Karnataka.


Posted by: Cryptic Ned | Link to this comment | 02-21-07 8:47 PM
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95: I considered that possibility, but I'm sure there are actual cities in India with similar names.

96: Not to me, no. And I don't think that's necessarily true.


Posted by: teofilo | Link to this comment | 02-21-07 8:48 PM
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99

But assClown, if you start making exceptions for that, what about names whose proper language doesn't even have an alphabet?


Posted by: Cryptic Ned | Link to this comment | 02-21-07 8:48 PM
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100

Kobe!


Posted by: Becks | Link to this comment | 02-21-07 8:52 PM
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Acharapakkam, Alampayalam, Ayyampalayam.... - Kanakkampalayam, Kangayampalayam, Kannamangalam... also Gummidipoondi, which is where I want to live from now on.


Posted by: Cryptic Ned | Link to this comment | 02-21-07 8:54 PM
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102

Sa'adatabad in Iran is real. The " ' " is a consonant of sorts separating two a's.


Posted by: John Emerson | Link to this comment | 02-21-07 8:54 PM
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103

98 -- Right, it's probably not necessarily true; but most of those vowels will be short a's, which are not written out in (the alphabet whose name I forgot which is used to represent Hindi) -- also would long a's be considered the same vowel as short a's? That city Ned linked to is written in another alphabet that I don't know, but it sort of looked to me like there might be some long vowels and some not long, based on the marks above several of the consonants.


Posted by: Clownaesthesiologist | Link to this comment | 02-21-07 8:54 PM
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104

Vowel length is an issue to be sure, but I wouldn't worry too much about orthography. I'm basically just going by sound.


Posted by: teofilo | Link to this comment | 02-21-07 8:56 PM
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105

The script to which you refer is Devanagari.


Posted by: teofilo | Link to this comment | 02-21-07 8:58 PM
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106

the alphabet whose name I forgot

Devanagari

104: How can we be going by sound here? This is strictly a Richard Lederer-style exercise in orthographic trivia, along the lines of "flooddoorroom is a real word, and oh what an awesome word it is!"


Posted by: Cryptic Ned | Link to this comment | 02-21-07 8:58 PM
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How can we be going by sound here?

Because many of these names are not usually written in English orthography (indeed, as you point out in 99, some of them are not usually written at all).


Posted by: teofilo | Link to this comment | 02-21-07 9:01 PM
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108

Why should you be attacked just for having a rape fantasy? Lots of people have those.

And why is it worse to listen to porn than to have a real life girl screaming in your kitchen?


Posted by: yoyo | Link to this comment | 02-21-07 9:37 PM
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I have actually done this. Heard screaming/'help' noises from elsewhere in building; ran up stairs; kicked in door ... and stopped a rape in progress.*

I imagine I'd have been pretty dammed annoyed if the woman upstairs had been watching i) dodgy porn or ii) enacting some kind of fantasy scenario with a boyfriend ... but still.

Googley eyed sword guy wasn't necessarily wrong. Although the sword is a fucked-up touch ...

* not a joke, this really happened.


Posted by: nattarGcM ttaM | Link to this comment | 02-22-07 12:49 AM
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109: Impressive. Good for you.


Posted by: bitchphd | Link to this comment | 02-22-07 1:00 AM
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w00t ttaM. you kick ass. I can remember at eighteen crossing amsterdam ave to tell a 6'2" guy that he should quit smacking his girlfriend around, and she turned to me and told me to mind my own fucking business. oooookaaay.


Posted by: alameida | Link to this comment | 02-22-07 1:51 AM
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112

I've been at the stage of putting my coat on to go next door, when a girl jumped out of a third floor window, bouncing off my balcony on the way down. No charges of anything were ever brought, but the east European student who lived there madea sharp exit shortly after.


Posted by: dsquared | Link to this comment | 02-22-07 3:37 AM
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113

The guy concerned was an ex boyfriend of the putative victim. They got back together again (!) shortly after this event. Luckily that didn't last long.

The guy was all obsequious and shit whenever he saw me after that, though.

Also, the police (who were called and did turn up) were fucking useless.


Posted by: nattarGcM ttaM | Link to this comment | 02-22-07 4:03 AM
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114

ISTR a news story sometime last year about some poor fool who heard screaming, went to investigate, discovered a rape-in-progress, and ended up by seriously disappointing the couple whose seriously fucked-up sex plan he'd queered. I'm at work, so I don't dare google it...


Posted by: Alex | Link to this comment | 02-22-07 4:38 AM
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115

Didn't 114 happen in the movie Barfly?


Posted by: Jake | Link to this comment | 02-22-07 4:59 AM
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116

Brooklyn's finest were once called to my apartment after the gentleman in the financial industry living next door saw a pair of hands cuffed to the bedroom window bars.

He could never look me in the eye after that. The funny thing is, I was out of town that weekend; my exgf was crashing there with her fiance.

63: it's like Southern eccentrics. you grow up with them, you're used to them, their motives make perfect sense to you -- e.g. "Of course Van Iveren had a sword. He was living with his mom!" -- and you miss them when you leave.


Posted by: Halfway Done | Link to this comment | 02-22-07 5:28 AM
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117

111. Me too, but I hope I'd do it again.


Posted by: OneFatEnglishman | Link to this comment | 02-22-07 7:47 AM
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118

MRH's point about Oconomowoc resonates with me: my kids went to the camp he referred to, and I've stayed over in the town several times. I've gotten to know small-town Wisconsin and its apartment dwellers fairly well over the years.

I'm always looking, and sometimes finding, signs of intelligent life but my wife sees the psychic desolation and can't stand visits much longer than two days, such as to the town my mother was living in. The guy with the saber is a type, I feel like I've met him.

The police blotter out there is mostly about long drives to score drugs, people getting really wasted and colliding with trees. Low life there is very biker in style, and methy. And the town my mother lived in is part of a sort of Bermuda Triangle of kids-in-cages stories. Bob Greene used to live off them, like a vampire.


Posted by: I don't pay | Link to this comment | 02-22-07 8:10 AM
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119

114 etc. These things happen regularly, along the lines of the guy who used a gun to halt the actor running away during filming of one of those dumb "true crime" recreations and the idiot who lost his dog to a Good Samaritan with fast reflexes when testing (by faking a heart attack) to see if the dog would let someone help him.

It's been a while, but I think I remember the basic standard is you can do what a cop would do under the same circumstances but as a civilian you don't have any immunity if something goes wrong. So, Sword Guy would probably been okay if he'd pounded on the door and yelled a bit first, and only broken in if he got no answer. And the DA and jury believed his version.


Posted by: Biohazard | Link to this comment | 02-22-07 8:50 AM
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120

118: Neat, IDP. I bet your kids and I know people in common.


Posted by: mrh | Link to this comment | 02-22-07 9:02 AM
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121

112 is truly disturbing.

Are doors really so easy to break down?


Posted by: ogged | Link to this comment | 02-22-07 9:02 AM
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re: 121

Unless the door is properly reinforced, yeah. If you really want to kick a door in and you're a reasonably sized adult male they are about as much impediment as a piece of damp cardboard.



Posted by: nattarGcM ttaM | Link to this comment | 02-22-07 9:08 AM
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123

Depends on the door, but usually the frame will bust.


Posted by: Cala | Link to this comment | 02-22-07 9:09 AM
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124

A lot of Yale-type locks just open when given a hefty boot -- with no permanent damage to the frame. It's all in the leverage. And even the tougher locks, as Cala says, the frame will burst.


Posted by: nattarGcM ttaM | Link to this comment | 02-22-07 9:11 AM
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125

Some are, some aren't. It's the frame that usually pulls away from its attachments to the walls even if the lock is more than trivial to break or force away from its engagement with the frame. Sometimes you can tell by just looking at the construction but several coats of paint can disguise many weaknesses. Just lean against yours and see what starts to flex.


Posted by: Biohazard | Link to this comment | 02-22-07 9:12 AM
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126

I've busted through an external door with my shoulder before. It was a very manly feeling. They're more impediment than wet cardboard (or else nattarGcM is The Scottish Hulk), but you could kick one in if you needed to, I'm sure.


Posted by: apostropher | Link to this comment | 02-22-07 9:12 AM
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re: 126

Most of my direct experience has been with cheap student accomodation and/or dodgy flats in badly maintained Victorian tenements. Where I stand by my 'wet cardboard' assessment.

Modern doors look a lot harder. My parents both have modern doors with the metal rods that shoot out into the frame on all sides when locked, and with steel reinforcement. It'd take equipment to open one of those.


Posted by: nattarGcM ttaM | Link to this comment | 02-22-07 9:15 AM
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Most of my direct experience

You do a fair amount of door-busting, eh?

"His downstairs neighbor, ttaM nattarGcM, heard a woman screaming in the movie, but thought a woman was actually being attacked. Instead of calling police, he took matters into his own hands, ran up the stairs and broke down the door, all while brandishing a sixteen-foot long Highland Games-style caber."


Posted by: apostropher | Link to this comment | 02-22-07 9:21 AM
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129

Cheap student accomodation doors are easy. At my old place the door was very loose in the frame; I'm pretty sure I could have kicked it in if the deadbolt wasn't locked.

Shivbunny is not thrilled about weak doors, but this is coming from a guy who lives so far out in the country that not only is the front door rarely locked, but the keys are usually in the ignition of the car. His risk assessment is pretty much "there are others around. this door needs more locks."


Posted by: Cala | Link to this comment | 02-22-07 9:21 AM
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re: 128

Drunken coming home late at night without keys. Yeah. Or coming home to find other drunk flatmate has locked the door from the inside and isn't waking up. That sort of thing.

"sixteen-foot long Highland Games-style caber."

ATM


Posted by: nattarGcM ttaM | Link to this comment | 02-22-07 9:24 AM
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131

If you're brandishing a caber, it would be foolishness not to use the caber itself to break down the door.


Posted by: Cryptic Ned | Link to this comment | 02-22-07 9:24 AM
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132

Foolishness? Or manliness?


Posted by: apostropher | Link to this comment | 02-22-07 9:27 AM
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133

re: 132

I thought we'd already established in many previous threads that the two are the same thing.


Posted by: nattarGcM ttaM | Link to this comment | 02-22-07 9:31 AM
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My parents both have modern doors with the metal rods that shoot out into the frame on all sides when locked, and with steel reinforcement.

McG's parents live in a bank vault.


Posted by: Matt F | Link to this comment | 02-22-07 9:34 AM
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"Instead of calling police, he took matters into his own hands, ran up the stairs and broke down the door, all while brandishing a sixteen-foot long Highland Games-style caber."

With a shout of "It's me! Hurrah!"


Posted by: ajay | Link to this comment | 02-22-07 9:34 AM
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I have been recruited for Highland Games, which I have heard are played in NC as well as places I've lived, but the whole thing has seemed too ridiculous to me.


Posted by: I don't pay | Link to this comment | 02-22-07 9:38 AM
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re: 134

Heh. Our local authority back in Scotland replaced a lot of the doors and windows on the houses. So they all got new doors with high-security locks and frames.

My parents both live in state/social housing (i.e. what we call 'council houses') so they didn't have to pay for the new doors.


Posted by: nattarGcM ttaM | Link to this comment | 02-22-07 9:39 AM
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136: yeah, they have them all over North Carolina, for some reason.


Posted by: apostropher | Link to this comment | 02-22-07 9:46 AM
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139

Malavarayankaddaiadampan, Sri Lanka (10 a's)


Posted by: Dan | Link to this comment | 04-23-07 1:00 PM
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