Faecal contamination of vegetables and other plant foods can make a significant contribution to dietary needs..
From an epidemiological standpoint, this is the very definition of the silver lining found in the dark cloud. In other news, people who suffer from gunshot wounds to the head are more likely to have asymptomatic brain tumors detected.
To make that clear, "detected" s/b "detected at a stage at which they can be removed".
So your people really are brown because they eat shit. Nice.
I doubt that feces are properly vegan.
Tough luck, vegan community! Nothing has changed. Either you stick to your healthy diet and be continually sick, or you eat unhealthy animal products and have some chance of being well.
Are you a properly deontic vegan, or have your so-called ideals been contaminated with utilitarianism? It's your choice!
silver lining found in the dark cloud.
silver lining s/b B12.
I'm sure there's a funny cholera joke in here somewhere.
Properly cooked, feces are not a health risk.
Properly cooked
I don't imagine that an autoclave would leave much behind, though.
I just stubbed my toe leaving the bathroom because I was checking out my own ass in the mirror. Thought I'd share.
I don't know you, heebie, but the odds are nearly overwhelming that your ass is too big.
Random swimming comment:
I coached at a swim clinic for a bunch of tri people this weekend.
One of the guys grew up in India. Prior to last May, he had never swam a length of the pool. Now he is doing tri's. I was impressed.
10: that image made me laugh out loud. Darn it, I am easy.
Weird, just earlier Saiselgy was berating me for associating with vegans, and vitamin B12 came up.
My ass is too big if you consider a golden, splendid peach that inspires hymns and poems "too big".
golden,
You should wipe more carefully.
Just trying to preserve a little B12, yo.
16: The Georgia quarter with the peach on it looks subtly pornographic to me.
10: Also, I'd take that bet. Any stakes, any judge.
Are you saying that you in fact have a fine little bottom, heebie? Because if you do, I might be willing to forgive you for killing that titty thread.
Thetitty thread chugged up to 417 posts, so HG cannot be blamed.
I'm deeply disturbed by the pre-Mixalot mindset emerging in these comments.
24: What do you expect from a bunch of white people?
25: Ah, but did the man not make clear, "even white boys gots ta shout"? I believe he did.
DS, we express our closetted gayness by preferring small butts on women. It's like a hanky code.
Old habits die hard, though. Plus he didn't say anything about Iranians.
But he didn't say, "Even white boys got to exclusively shout."
Judging by point 3 in the post, ogged expresses his closeted gayness in other ways as well.
First, we must obtain a clarification as to the crucial "too big for what?" question.
Second, we must obtain wagers.
Third, we must obtain nudie pictures of heebie's ass.
And then the internet can determine the winner.
Saiselgy was berating me for associating with vegans
Wow.
31: Didn't we try something like that once before?
Nude: uh, no.
Discernably clothed: what are the stakes?
I'm deeply disturbed by the pre-Mixalot mindset emerging in these comments.
I love the blues and I love burritos, but the blacks and latinos have really harshed my mellow by changing taste in butts in this country. We need to go back to the fine taste of the 80s when skinny cocaine-slim butts were the rage.
Biel's ass is not cocaine-slim.
The great secret of the Jessica Biel posts, heretofore known only to me, is that I don't really like Jessica Biel.
So the Jessica Biel posts were there only to annoy B?
30: Also in point two - some other guy's massive shlong is a mixed blessing to Ogged.
Isn't anyone going to specify some stakes for the SnackyAss issue?
39: And now we see that he prefers women's asses to be as much like men's asses as possible.
Three points:
- #26 - reading this thread backwards I somehow assumed "the man" meant Zizek, and was momentarily confused.
- #39 - the word "mixed" is all the evidence I need to suggest that he isn't gay.
- the phrase "pre-Mixalot mindset" wins this thread, but only because #1 is analogible for the honor.
So the Jessica Biel posts were there only to annoy B?
Wait, does everyone else think that everything is about B, too? I have to cater to my entire audience, JM.
I was just delineating methodological principles. I think ogged has answered my "too fat for what?" question, though. Your next move, heebie, might be to denounce ogged as a manorexic closet-case and refuse to participate.
Heebie, I think you should go ahead and upload the photo and let the Unfoggetariat, in its infinite wisdom, decide.
What if I'm trying to pull in some $$ to support my coke habit? I may be trying to play you all like marionettes.
ogged, I could've sworn you didn't use to have an audience interested in swimming, but god help us, you kept posting about it until some showed up.
The site for all of your "ass too big?" needs appears to be defunct.
Quick! Someone make me laugh as an antidote to the creeping humorlessness I'm experiencing from looking at the link in 53!
54 -- Will teh cute help at all?
35: the fine taste of the 80s
42: Funny you should mention Zizek. I don't know his position on Mixalottian Gluteal Theory, but I think this ties in rather well with the overall theme of the thread.
(This is likely to be a rather poor knock-knock joke.)
(Unless I think of a punchline pretty soon, that is.)
SnackAss so golden, it ain't that golden.
Hey, Clownae!
67: (Told ya.)
You sure did...
66 -- come on... that's not how a knock-knock joke is composed...
69 -- she's off weeping over -gg-d's oppressing her. Damn -gg-d!
Come back, heebie! We still love you!
What rather impressed me about the link in 53 was all the advice about pants. It is hard to find a nice pair of pants, after all.
Sorry! Composing a response as to why I'd been so mean to a woman whose child has a cleft lip. I'm back!
And I very much appreciate the joke!
How does everybody feel about this observation: the movies of Jacques Demy (well anyway the two of them I've seen) are beautiful, clever eye candy but without a lot of depth; while his wife Agnes Varda's movies (well anyway the three of them I've seen) are utterly captivating and thought-provoking, and stay with you long after you've seen them.
74: were you mean to the woman or two her child?
Child is still in utero. You can judge for yourself over on my site - it's the most recent post. But now I feel chagrined and embarrassed that I'd come down hard on her, so please consider me a work in progress.
Oh, and Heebie? Thanks for the Knut pic. My heart beats for Knut, who, by all rights, should be an international superstar by age 2.
Sorry about the humor-sapping link, heebie.
80 - aw, it's okay! The link was totally appropriate for our comment thread. Whoever comes up with captions for the photos is a bit of an asshole.
The commenters are kind of obnoxious too.
Can someone recap and tell me if heebie-geebie's butt is too big?
82: It's true. I would occasionally comment to say things like, "You look fine! Don't listen to them!"
How badly $$$ do you wanna know?
83: She plays a LOT of soccer. That's all I know. I have assumed it must be one of the finest butts in the Mineshaft.
I'd rather start a bidding war.
88 -- I could be persuaded to part with my photos of w-lfs-n and Labs in flagrante...
I'll offer a free picture of one of my body parts of your choice.
She was voluntarily looking at her butt in a mirror. It must be small or at least nicely shaped.
Isn't this delightfully ironic given my crotchetyness on the titty thread? But the mood here is friendly.
...And I stand to make boucoup bucks.
...or at least boucoup compromising photos.
Is the thinking referred to above as Mixalotian the same as what I would associate with Nigel Tufnel?
What is the bidding at now?
I'll bid one hour of swimming lessons.
95: Makes me think of Mixolydian, which is different.
which is different
Well you know what they say about those Greeks....
100 -- I like Guest but I think he is more like Demy than like Varda.
I bid a lunch date with Ogged. I think he's free.
Is like a silent auction for charity? I'll donate my winnings to the Unfogged charity.
It's not much like a silent auction for charity. It's more like selling your dignity for dollars or items of value.
Right -- I think Will was suggesting that you should give your dignity away in the interests of the greater Unfogged good.
Heebie, I'm totally on board with that post, by the way. Yours, I mean, about that kid with the lip. Funny. Now let there be asses.
105 gets it right.
As far as cleft lips, it is difficult when your dreams for your children get modified. So I give people a break until they adjust. Now, if she keeps talking about it for the next 5 years like it is the worst thing in the world...
My daughter is autistic. There are worst things and people in worse situations, but I still bitch every now and again.
I think Heebie does read that situation right. Compared to death at birth, a cleft lip should be a relief. Then you might worry about the kid not being treated well in school. Then there might be a twinge of disappointment that no one can coo that his baby mouth looks like mom's, and maybe some deeper sadness about not breastfeeding. But that twinge turning into a full-on mourning? It seems really shockingly out-of-proportion. Cleft lip surgeries aren't what they used to be, and often the scars are almost totally gone by the time they're teens.
I guess it's a matter of a hierarchy of needs. Oh, good, my kid's not dying, but will have a terrible life-threatening disorder. Oh good, no life-threatening disorder, just trouble breathing. Oh good, no physical suffering, just autism. Oh good, no autism, just a slight facial defect. Whatever problems you end up with, the gratitude eventually gives way to a desire for a Perfect Child, who will probably disappoint you in some other unforgivable way.
Wait, why no breastfeeding? Can't the mother use a pump and bottlefeed breastmilk?
Thanks, FL!
Also, will, I hear what you're saying, and feel like it's probably a more complicated situation than I was giving it credit for.
But learning of a child's autism requires a readjustment of expectations of a totally different scale than learning about a cleft lip/palate. I mean, right?
As to my mighty fine ass, I have no camera. So for tonight, the odds of getting a photo are zero. It'll just be me making out with my mirror. Again.
I have a PhD in Callipygian Studies, heebie. I'll be the unbiased judge.
My heart beats for Knut, who, by all rights, should be an international superstar by age 2.
He'll just end up touring America and supporting the Nazis, you know.
110 - all she said was, "No breast-feeding b/c the baby can't form a suction." A bottle wouldn't work, either. There's some complicated contraption to help with getting the food to the baby, but I don't know of any reason you couldn't pump breast milk into the device.
Whatever problems you end up with, the gratitude eventually gives way to a desire for a Perfect Child, who will probably disappoint you in some other unforgivable way.
Namely, by being perfect.
Also, this woman is totally ramrod-up-the-ass, Angela-from-The-Office. She says outrageously priggish things all the goddamn time.
I have no camera
Of all the unconscionable teases...
I can borrow a camera. I just don't own a camera, to use tonight.
I have no camera
WTF? Everything has a camera in it nowdays. This is the lamest excuse ever.
I'm guessing that she means no actual sucking on the breast, which I'm tempted to think is a dumb thing to care about apart from the benefits of human milk.
I think it is fabulous when a woman thinks she has a mighty fine ass.
Perhaps I am bad that I taught my daughter to finish my sentence of "[Will's girlfriend] has a nice...." with "BOOOOOOTTTTYYYYYYY."
Then, we give it a little smack.
I agree the cleft lip is small in the grand scheme of things. I am sure that logically, they know that. Emotions are much different creatures.
Unfogged really operates as a herd with even Jackmormon egging heebie on.
Seriously, it's like we've summoned Cthulu.
Yes, it's a big deal if you find out your kid is going to come out with something like this. Beyond the usual not wanting your kid to have a fucking facial deformity, knowing they'll go under the knife multiple times would be hell.
Sure, what the hell.
First, though, I'll direct Jammies to this thread, to make sure he doesn't have some consideration I should take into account. Also, it's his camera I'd borrow.
And I'd probably just wear shorts. So there are many, many reasons why this is bound to be a gigantic let-down.
121 -- do you mean "even the moderate Jackmormon"?
Then, we give it a little smack.
Finally! Someone on Unfogged who is pro-ass-smacking.
123 - I agree, it'd be a shock if you were unprepared for a baby with a cleft lip. But both those babies have lots of other things going on, too, right?
But, yeah, I feel bad for being so judgemental.
you think that's judgmental? Wait until we start on the pic. Also, stop misspelling "judgment." This is an American blog.
Becks, doesn't this blog have a positive attitude toward ass-smacking?
There's also, I think, a lot of social pressure to get to have that moment where everyone stares at your baby and says "He's perfect! So beautiful!" without a hint of condescension.
Becks, we smack lots of booties at my house.
Becks, doesn't this blog have a positive attitude toward ass-smacking?
Ogged and SCMT are both anti-ass-smacking. It's in the archives. (searching...)
I agree, it'd be a shock if you were unprepared for a baby with a cleft lip. But both those babies have lots of other things going on, too, right?
Cleft lip and palate can vary a lot in severity. But that aside, knowing your kid is going to endure multiple surgeries would be hard. Sounds cliche, but if you don't have kids, it's tough, if not impossible to fully understand.
Ogged and SCMT are both anti-ass-smacking. It's in the archives. (searching...)
If it's the thread I'm thinking of, I'm with the anti's. We were referring to the kind of smacking where guys are imitating what they see in porn.
Moralism killed this blog a long time ago.
I can't find it but I know it's in there (and am running low on my laptop battery). I have no idea how the porn smack compares to the regular "hey! you have a cute butt!" smack, having not watched much porn.
133 - I know, I feel bad already.
I'll make it up to you all with an incredibly unexciting picture of my backside in a pair of baggy jeans. Or at least in an ordinary pair of shorts where you can assess its unremarkableness for yourself.
118: Awesome mommy drive-by, Labs. I look forward to you lecturing pregnant women about what they order at restaurants any day now.
43: One of these days you'll just admit it, Ogged.
137: Don't you dare absent a really large cash offer, Heebie.
Maybe Michael needs a new laptop.
Also, stop misspelling "judgment." This is an American blog.
Beaucoup American.
B, sorry, I forgot that mothers move beyond the space of reasons when they hit that last trimester. Seriously, you think that getting invested in the actual act of breastfeeding, rather than delivering the nutrients, is the right way to feel?
B, I'll e-mail you the photo, and you can negotiate on my behalf, okay?
Heebie, you're *this close* to sucking the fun out of the ass picture.
Motherhood -- it's really all about nutrients.
I think I would feel really disappointed if I weren't able to breastfeed, even if I could pump the milk and feed it to my baby through a bottle. Missing out on the whole bonding thing and one of the fundamental acts of being a woman and whatnot.
"fundamental" being a word that is imprecise but YKWIM.
Eh, suck the fun out of my ass, Ogged.
Becks, I love the ass-smacking, but now you're killing me.
Heebie, you're *this close* to sucking the fun out of the ass picture.
Some people are into that, you know.
136: The porn smack, I think, is where one is screwing a chick from behind and hauls off on her ass to make her scream, since the sex itself wasn't doing much in that direction. The cute-butt smack is just to demonstrate ownership, or to titillate, depending on context, and rarely actually hurts.
142: No, but I don't know what all her deal is. And pumping all the time is not only a pain in the ass, but actually makes it kind of hard to maintain milk production for some people.
Maybe I'll take rip-roaringly hot photos, and just e-mail them to the matriarchy of Unfogged.
Right, women who feed their children with bottles aren't mothers or even actual women. I totally get being "aww, that sucks" but if the child is just as well off (as it's not with formula) it seems to me that we're moving toward "damn, my son has no interest in throwing a football around" territory than "I mourn the things my disabled child will never do" territory.
149: No, Labs, she's right. Blah blah hormone production, blah blah skin-to-skin contact. It really does make a difference.
B, if I can't rely on you to argue with the stupid things I say, who can I rely on?
150 s/b "Of course, if there is fun in an ass, one can suck the fun out of the ass and one can depict sucking the fun out of a depicted ass. But what if one insisted that there must also be fun in the picture of the ass?"
155: Some women are really super into breastfeeding. My ex's kids' mom couldn't really part with it and had regular "play with breasty" sessions until the youngest was almost 5.
HG, just find and ass off the internet that you would be willing to be represented by, and send that. Google "ass" on Google Image and you get tons of them, most but not all of them pretty inappropriate.
155: You're going to lose this one, Labs. Yes, breast milk is better for babies than formula. But formula may well be better for mom's schedule, mental health, schedule, whatever. At some point you need to balance what's "best for baby" with other issues.
153 it is!
I'll put my lil' tuckus in the well-intentioned hands of the Womogged. Check your inboxes in a few days. (Oooh baby, I'll check your inbox!)
Awesome. This is so much better than those cock pictures we got.
I'm only trying to be grouchy, B, I have no breast in this fight. I'm totally on board with formula, and I dislike the moralizing about it almost as much as you do, I bet. But there are certain motherly activities that get annoyingly fetishized, and my inclination is to put the baby-on-breast contact in that category.
165 - You just don't want to have to share.
most of them inappropriate
If, that is, we officially got any cock pictures, right Becks?
The phrase "play with breasty" will haunt me for a long, long time.
But there are certain motherly activities that get annoyingly fetishized, and my inclination is to put the baby-on-breast contact in that category.
Dude, flashcards and post-natal yoga are fetishized. The whole BF thing is a bit different.
168 - I'm sure you can parse 164 in a way to produce reasonable doubt.
For the record, I agree with B and think Labs is a moral monster.
Ogged, you fucking sellout. I'll never let you play with my titties again.
And I haven't read heebie's post, but if the gist is that she thinks a mom is overreacting to a cleft lip, I agree with the mom and think heebie is a moral monster.
169: It haunts me for different reasons. You haven't lived till, on the second time meeting a four-year-old, he turns to his father and asks, "Is AWB going to take her shirt off? Breasty? Daddy, BREASTY?"
I'll never let you play with my titties again.
You realize that "ogged" and "ben w-lfs-n" aren't the same person, right?
The best kind of moral monster is the utility monster.
Since the men aren't going to get any Heebie butt shots, could anyone tell me which Jacques Rivette movies coming through town I should go see? Is it worth putting my non-golden-peach ass in the chair for all 4 hours of Out 1: Spectre?
The spanking thread. It's down a ways, just search for "spanking."
Oh, so sorry, Ogged, looks like you're victimized by another case of mistaken identity. How about lunch?
Wow, reading that thread makes me think you're all freaks.
If I'm not going to get to see the pic I withdraw my offer in 90.
How about lunch?
Dammit. Well turned. Maybe I'll email her and ask for an explanation. That would give me closure.
"give me closure" s/b "make me look creepy and weird."
OK, I'm going home to breastfeed. Goodnight, all.
there are certain motherly activities that get annoyingly fetishized, and my inclination is to put the baby-on-breast contact in that category.
What's annoying about the fetishizing of that is just the way it gets used to gloss over real issues that actually matter. Like, it doesn't make any difference if we provide healthcare! Just breastfeed! Etc.
But I'm telling you, unless and until you've done it, don't knock it. It really is kinda cool. If you want to bitch about fetishizing the mother/baby bond, you might as well bitch about fetishizing sex.
It's not like he can't read the comment tomorrow, Teo.
True, but by that point he (or you) may not longer care about continuing to argue.
Off-topic, this is the best thing ever.
Even further off-topic, this is the second-best thing ever.
You have no idea how alone you are, teo.
God, I so did not need to go exploring around the link in 123. Lots of can't-look-ok-i'll-look pics here.
118, 142: Formula's not going to hurt a kid, particularly (considering that almost everyone in my generation was raised on it), the health benefits of breast milk are small enough to not show up untill you look at a population. But it isn't practical to say that if a baby can't suck, you can just pump milk for it and bottlefeed the milk.
Milk production runs off feedback from the amount of nursing you're doing, and pumps don't provide the same kind of feedback to keep your supply up (the baby's suction is more efficient than a pump's, and while soft cues like emotion and scent are contemptibly fetishized, they do affect milk production)-- women who pump long-term are usually nursing their babies at night, which keeps supply up, and only pumping during the day. Someone who was pumping only could probably keep a trickle of milk production going for quite a while, but not enough to keep a baby going.
I can agree that there's no real reason to get terribly bent out of shape at all over breast v. formula (that is, there are clearly health benefits from breastfeeding, and I think it's easier and pleasanter for both parties, but if there's a reason formula's necessary or desirable it's not bad enough to be a real problem), but it is somewhere between impractical and impossible to get the health benefits of breastmilk into a baby who can't suckle on any long term basis.
"B, I'll e-mail you the photo, and you can negotiate on my behalf, okay? "
Wow, BitchPhd is smooth. Notice how she cleverly routed heebie's butt away from Unfogged and into her mailbox. I am impressed.
"behalf" s/b "badonkadonk"
194 is amazing. I love all the little touches. "To the best of my knowledge..." Why thanks, Web Graphic! I will totally take you at your word! And then later, a screen-cap from Wikipedia is presented as evidence. "You be the judge."
The only thing that would make it funnier would be if the disembodied narrative voice claimed a PhD in theology.
Jesus fucking christ you people were phoning it in this weekend.
We're apparently losing our British audience.
There's no pleasing the Welsh.
'The Welsh',said the Doctor :' are the only nation in the world that has produced no graphic or plastic art, no architecture, no drama. They just sing',he said with disgust :'sing and blow down wind instruments of plated silver.'
Being of Welsh descent myself I will not repeat the joke about yogurt and eisteddfods, but our friend dsquared can consider himself properly disdained.
I'm sure Matthew Turner would be a much more agreeable and prolific commentor.
Phoning it in means meandering around feces fertilization, breast feeding, cleft lips, and heebie's butt?
Frankly, that butt discussion was a pale echo of the "are you really sending in cock photos?" thread.
207: Everyone else wasnt required to send in such a picture prior to posting?
I'm back with another bleg. Can anyone recommend a "dark and private" bar in the North Park Slope or Grand Army Plaza area?
207 - until I deliver on the goods.
Oh, I thought Ogged had posted this. So disregard my 1, please.
The bar's a fine and private place
And some, I think, do there embrace.
