sleeping pills and a liter of jack daniels
If we're imagining supermarkets that also sell pets, or liquor stores that also sell prescription drugs, where's the challenge?
Rubber gloves, garbage bags, hacksaw, duct tape, and a whole lot of Red Devil lye.
All of which are available at the same hardware store. Throw in a disposable rain poncho.
Spring water and a lump of cesium.
liquor stores that also sell prescription drugs, where's the challenge
supermarkets in my hometown sell both of these things
LB - it's two items per Becks' rules, harumph.
I'm exposed as a provincial boob.
You'd need all that if you'd found an animal had died in your garage while you were gone. Happened to me. The work of cleaning up a body is prodigious; the murderers in The Conversation who have the wit to start with the plastic bags before they kill Robt. Duvall, are doing it right.
A hacksaw and a Valentine's Day card.
Okay, narrow it down to a disposable rain poncho and a hacksaw.
Correction: a hacksaw and a "sorry I messed up" style make-up card.
LB and I are going to ride the hacksaw vibe through this whole thread.
In a sporting goods store, what about a hunting bow and safety flares?
At a magazine stand, Parenting and Barely Legal.
I knew Apostropher would be great at this game.
17: In the same vein, there are probably stores where you could buy both a training bra and lube. Or condoms, whichever.
at the supermarket: a jumbo box of condoms and a (non-frozen) turkey.
Carrots and a jar of Vaseline.
Yams and a tub of Crisco.
Fleet enema and a jar of Crisco.
"Fleet enema", like "fleet vehicle".
Klio reminded me, so I'm gonna have to go with my man Viktor Belenko on this one:
cat food and pâté.
Fleet enemas typically lead hard lives. Although the owner of the fleet may employ a maintenance department, giving the enemas a dedicated mechanic or mechanics, the enemas are often operated by several users, subjecting them to accelerated wear. Further complicating the matter is the fact that, since the users are generally not held responsible for the condition of the enema, they do not exercise the same care for fleet enemas as they might for their own enemas. Fleet enemas may also be subjected to unusual conditions (eg: non-standard orifice, 24-hour use, or excessive volume), and may be kept until they have accumulated hundreds of thousands of uses. Fleet enemas may also be the target of sabotage by disgruntled employees. All of these factors combine to produce a lot of wear and tear on these enemas.
Someone who wouldn't mind exposing their IP address really needs to edit that Wikipedia entry.
Flag, lighter fluid, strike anywhere matches. all these items are available at hardware stores.
NB: I actually have done this. Repeatedly.
A handgun and one round of ammunition.
Assorted condoms and a helium canister, loosed over Ted Haggert's Colorado Springs mega-church.
Lube and clothespins. The nice wooden ones.
Fancy water crackers and premium cat food. Possibly add in decorated plastic plates and knives and mention "The party is tomorrow and the district manager is fussy" during the checkout.
(Now that I think of it, they probably won't notice no matter what the combo. IMX working a checkout is a good way to put one's brain in neutral)
Some people seem badly to minunderstand the rules of the game.
A gallon of ice cream and a box of laxatives.
What's with the hacksaws? Autopsies are done mostly with blades, and with larger saws if you want to cut through big bones. They look like carpenter tools.
It's probably the same way "ball-peen hammer" is associated with murder because of Theodore Streleski, Stanford's ABD from Hell, even though any sensible person would use a claw hammer or roofing hammer for that purpose.
squirrel catapult + baseball bat
i once bought condoms and whipped cream at the same time. got a great look from the cashier. sadly, they weren't intended for simultaneous use.
Always wondered what happened to Balenko. I remember the triumphalism of the coverage of the incident and the plane. "It's made of steel!" "It can hardly turn!" In fact it was a masterpiece of appropriate technology and sensible engineering, designed for an environment that—fortunately— never came to be but very adaptable to other air defense missions and still worth developing many years later.
cat food and a home-and-garden sized woodchipper
An enema kit and a bad of balloons.
Actually saw someone buy this combination once: a box of condoms and a bag of pork rinds.
An enema kit and a bag of balloons.
or for that matter, duct tape and hamster food
Cat food and a body-hair-waxing kit.
Or for that matter, duct tape and baby food.
Better, Drano and powdered drink mix.
a ferarri and a penis pump
(note seller of former is buyer of latter)
Syrup of ipecac and heavy-duty spring-loaded clamps
That's the first one I haven't been able to follow at all. But it does disturb me.
I actually bought Drano, bleach and 7-Up together (and exclusively) one time, and got a semi-jocular "You're not going to drink those all at once, are you?" from the clerk.
Finally, it has to be said: "Homer, I don't know what you've got in mind for tonight, but count me out!"
Not to interrupt the game, but are y'all watching Valerie Plame? She's so tough, I love her.
Enema kit and blank video tape.
I was once behind a lovely little redneck couple in the Food Lion buying a box of wine, a jar of vaseline, and a carton of Kools.
Lube and a discounted adult-size halloween costume of a ninja turtle.
62: Wizard hat and cloak.
(64 would only work if the cashier were up on the latest Mineshaft argot.)
A giant bag of candy and a case of chloroform mothballs.
Gay porn video and Dennis the Menace comic book.
77??? One uses a bikini trimmer to shave one's pubes.
75 I get: "Okay honey, just hold still while I fix you up to match the picture", but it isn't any sicker than just buying Barely Legal. The nail polish I don't get.
Reading glasses and a copy of I Want to Do Violence to My Pet.
I don't think you've quite found your bitter voice yet, bridgeplate.
It should be lime green nail polish, or hot pink. You know, colors that appeal to 13-year-olds.
Adult-sized pink tutu and a hunting knife.
Razor blades and a large bottle of aspirin.
Chicken Soup for the Soul and a jumbo bottle of cough syrup.
Copy of Silence of the Lambs and some mutton.
93 I love, but don't understand. (thx Db)
I don't think you've quite found your bitter voice yet, bridgeplate.
I know, I know. I'm working on it.
Copy of the Washington Times and a "Support the Troops" bumper sticker.
100: should include the remark "one or the other's gotta work"
A bottle of lube and a video of "Dora the Explorer's Greatest Hits."
93 I love, but don't understand.
Kids are always running around. You can't count on them sitting patiently next to the outlet.
I was thinking more that hitting a kid with an extension cord is a pretty cliched way of beating the little fuckers.
105: Even better, a wide leather belt with one of those kitchy god-i-wish-i-had-a-bigger-cock cowboy belt buckles on it.
A package of giblets and a bucket of sidewalk chalk.
106: I secretly long for one of those cowboy belt buckles.
Powdered baby formula and rat poison.
110: Without. The big medallion kind. Also, I totally think they're hot.
Is PK giving you a hard time today?
You'll never get one unless you learn to say "one of them cowboy belt buckles".
A "Puppetry of the Penis" video and a puppet.
Lube and a vinyl onesie.
I once walked into a supermarket around midnight to buy latex gloves, heavy-duty trash bags, and some twine. Sadly, I needed all of these.
Tenure is harder and harder to get these days.
All sixteen "Left Behind" books and about 10,000 M16 cartridges. Refer in an off-hand way to the books as "my instructions for the next few weeks".
I thought Labs had left a big sack of dead cats on the stoop of the department chair, to add to the challenge.
yellow ribbon sticker + 30 gallons of gas for the Escalade
Makes the baby easier to insert.
I'm not adding value. I should reevaluate my core competencies.
127: and a copy of The Story of O.
123: At a premarital bachelorette party/shower/who am I kidding, it was my regular poker night but some people bought me stuff, I was given a garment that could be described in this fashion. It was unflattering.
A copy each of Finnegans Wake and US Weekly.
very few people can pull off a vinyl onsie.
A dozen eggs and a sack of chicken feed.
(see also the saddest thing)
132: I'll say. It took forever to get out of the damn thing.
134: that's what the lube's for.
Always wondered what happened to Balenko.
Living happily ever after, apparently. Doing consultation for aerospace companies. He used to go fishing with Chuck Yeager in the 90s. Before the dissolution of the USSR, the KGB was telling USSRians that Belenko had been killed in an automobile "accident".
133: That was very sad. It made me want to go home and hug my children to keep them safe from all the sad things. Please don't ever link to anything like that again.
117: Better if it's a woman purchasing.
Enema kit and a wire-mesh strainer.
Some large number of cans of whatever you call those meal-replacement-drinks, and a funnel.
"It is, he discovered, quite astonishing what gets flushed out in the course of a week's treatment."
high heels and tent spikes.
In exchange for that contribution, might I bleg? Could someone who has Matt Weiner's cell phone number email it to me? I lost my phone with my numbers in it.
137: By "never", you meant "immediately", right?
Apples and razor blades, or needles.
Rope and candy.
The story linked in 141 is pretty funny.
I don't think I passed anything dramatic when I did my pre-surgery colon cleansing. But that was just one day. Now I feel gypped.
Okay, need to cover all the bases:
* scat: 139
* sex with objects: lube and a butternut squash
* sex with inappropriate substances: motor oil and (polyurethane!) condoms
* sex with minors: condoms and a kid's toy
* murder: tarp, chef's knife
* suicide: toaster, bathtub plug
* child abuse: jar of Gerber's, cayenne pepper
Can a marble really lodge itself in there? For 22 years?
lube and a butternut squash
Excellent choice. I was thinking "butternut squash" before I went all bitter up there.
ogged, you don't know for sure unless you used a colander. Your petits objets may have escaped your notice.
Lollipos and ether. (Assuming it's still possible to buy ether.)
158: I was inspired by this.
156: Actually, I think it's possible, in the appendix. If it doesn't cause an inflammation, it could stay without being detected and only expelled with lots (and those people are for sure getting that) of gastric system activity. Also, look up "fecoliths", which are what they sound like. I don't think a marble just adhering to the intestinal wall is likely unless that guy is the world's most inactive photographer.
Just reading that gave me a stomachache. A marble?
Kitten treats and a heavy-duty stapler.
Ear-wax remover and a box of crackers.
Now reading thread as "what I found in my colander".
"How to pick up girls" and "Autopsies made EZ".
A loaf of bread, a jug of wine, and an attempt to pick up the cashier.
Rob h-c, the hate is swelling in you now. Take your Jedi weapon. Use it. I am unarmed.
This may make you feel much better. Not a trick.
This might help also. Or maybe this.
Kashrut frisson version: A mother's milk ... and its kid's meat.
viz 40, whenever I used to buy condoms and anything else whatsoever at the store, I would mutter to my wife in the imagined voice of the cashier, "Someone's havin' a party, eh, kid?"
Krazy Glue and a pacifier.
Ogged, you'll be happy to hear that while reading 141, I thought of you.
178: Oh fine. Close, though, right?
alternate version:
178: N.B. my ass, w-lfs-n.
I actually read a debunking of that enema-cleaning thing once (linked from Metafilter? Snopes?) that said that the really scary stuff you pass isn't stuff cleansed from your colon but clay from pills that you take as part of the cleanse. It's all a big hoax. There's a site with pictures and everything. I'd go hunting for the site if I weren't at work.
I think someone could find it if they google "clay cleanse". The pictures are outrageous.
182: That sort of makes sense: people don't have to go on weeklong cleanses to be clear enough for a colonoscopy, and thanks to the wonders of Unfogged, we know that healthy colons are bright pink and shiny after a day of magic colon juice.
Since my 15 yr old has to wear "GoodNights" pull-ups at night, I am often strolling through Target with adult sized Good Nights pull-ups.
There is nothing like strolling through Target and meeting eyes with an attractive woman (based on her excellent self-esteem), smiling slightly at each other.....until her gaze drifts down toward the adult pull-ups in my shopping cart.
people don't have to go on weeklong cleanses to be clear enough for a colonoscopy, ... we know that healthy colons are bright pink and shiny after a day of magic colon juice.
Exactly. Alternative medicine types are annoying as hell.
68, 70: I know somebody who bought halloween candy and rat poison simultaneously. Cashier wasn't impressed.
173 rules.
A pound of chitlins and a crazy straw.
Dr. Spock's Baby and Child Care and salad tongs.
Okay, the chitlins + crazy straws wins for me. Gack!
I work part-time at a pet store, and I can say from experience that we mostly don't care or think about what people buy. But certain people will TELL YOU why they're buying certain things together, and those people? are mostly crazy.
For example, one older gentleman recently bought a male mouse and a female mouse. He said he wanted to breed them as feeders. No big deal, people buy feeder mice all the time and sometimes decide to breed them to save money. This man wanted the progeny not for a snake or somesuch, but to feed the hawks that come to his yard. (He originally wanted rats, but decided that $4.99 each was too much to pay for a couple of rats. The mice, at $2.49 each, were more reasonable.) He specifically picked white mice because he thought the hawks "would be able to see them better, in the grass."
Man had too much time on his hands, imo.
Alternative medicine types are annoying as hell.
I'LL HAVE YOU KNOW THAT THAT HAS NEVER BEEN PROVEN TO MY SATISFACTION IN A CASE-CONTROL STUDY THAT I CONSIDERED ETHICAL
A fabulous Best of Craigslist rant by a grocery store clerk:
http://www.craigslist.org/about/best/pdx/141914743.html
Years ago when I was a convenience store clerk (shudder) the combined items that really did disturb me were the $50+ spent in lottery tickets along with pop tarts paid for with food stamps, and I am not exaggerating at all.
Well, c'mon though. You can't buy lottery tickets with food stamps.
There was a This American Life segment about fasting and the results that popped out as well. "This is the most self-absorbed thing I've ever done, and I say that as a first-person journalist."
Some of the things people get out are just straightforward chemical reactons from some of the enema ingredients, like the little waxy bits formed from olive oil and lemon juice.
Oh come on, you colon-cleanse complainers. You've gotta be impressed by that marble.
"clay cleanse scam" is the magic incantation. And there is an image on this page. As a scam, I have to say it's a brilliant idea.
195: It was probably just sitting in the appendix, out of the way and harmless.
Blank video tapes and a bug-light.
Box of Fruit Loops and a tube of Elmer's glue
Lube and a handgun
A copy of Claims magazine and a tin of kerosene
Emergency Room: Life or Death and a boxed set of kitchen knives
Big bag of lollipops and a copy of Human Molecular Genetics
Blogular: A jumbo pack of Cheetos and a WLAN card.
Else: Ball bearings and nitrate fertiliser.
Late to the party, but inspired by 95:
Fava beans and a nice Chianti.
This doesn't really follow the rules, but is a real-world example. My long ago college girlfriend was a pharmacy student and was doing a rotation as an intern at a local drug store. Fellas, don't try to pick up the woman at the pharmacy who's filling your prescription for herpes medication.
209: don't try to pick up the woman at the pharmacy who's filling your prescription for herpes medication.
Extra points for chutzpah, though.
