Only future killing sprees count, right?

Bob's hermit-like behavior is very suspicious.

Am I ineligible to place bets as well?

First off, we need to add some kind of proviso to the bet. What if more than one contributor goes on such a spree? Make it the most successful spree (and specify criteria of success), or the first spree, or some such.

Second, we should BE! SCIENTIFIC! B! E! SCIENTIFIC! Ogged, as we all know, has a genetic predisposition towards killing sprees, being Persian. Labs tilts the scales in his favor by this very post, and baa would probably team up with Timothy Burke just to shed their reputations for being reasonable.

But for her kids, I'd put my money on LB.

What if someone already has?

Come on, you know it's gonna be B. Somebody's going to tell her to just cut the damn kid's hair already one too many times, and she's shooting up the Chuck E. Cheese.

a genetic predisposition towards killing sprees, being Persian

Killing, of course, but sprees?

But among the chicks, Cala's the one who actually knows how to work a rifle. Cala would be on her second magazine before B or LB had managed to get a shot off.

7: No, no, I'm on record as being anti-gun.

Plus, it would be so much more satisfying to just tell everyone individually and in detail everything that's wrong with their clothing, diet, and way of life.

Boring people to death still counts as a spree, bphd.

I tried that at a party immediately following my high school graduation. Beer is surprisingly sticky when you try to wash it out of a French braid the next morning.

Some of us don't believe in assault rifles.

Emerson kills with a muzzle-loader.

John, I assure you they are quite real.

Oh wait ... I forgot "assault rifle" is one of those gun control vs NRA code words. I see your point now.

People, you don't think LB would do her research? Seriously, I bet if I broke into her office and looked at the browser history right now, it's all "m4 auction house" and "expanding your magazine" and "do beta blockers increase marksmanship" and that shit.

LB, I can totally get you great deal on beta blockers. Steadies the hands.

As long as the goal is a killing spree and you're not trying to get away, what's the point of marksmanship? Go to a mall and get close.

You don't want the adrenaline to overpower you, either way.

Whole Foods is great; sorry if they didn't have your Hungry Man dinners.

Whole Foods is overrated, plus they're anti-union.

is overrated

Bold stand, heeb.

Ogged, I'm glad you're here because I wanted to hear your view of WF. On one hand, yeah, good stuff, and I got some nice produce and some good lunch meat. On the other hand, maybe this is just my location, but it really looked like you had to have several markers for toolishness to be let in. Three near-accidents in the parking lot, caused by complete carelessness, and a lot of LOOK AT MY BRAND NAME clothing. Hello, whitey! are those Chanel sunglasses? So sorry, I didn't notice the giant logo.

Whole Foods is overrated, plus they're anti-union.

You're attacking ogged's third homeland.

I wear my North Face shirt and shop at Whole Foods, what do you want me to say, Labs?

Overrated and overpriced. I can get as good produce and dairy (and even some of the packaged stuff) at the Milk Pail and as good meat at Dittmer's, all for less. They do have good seafood and some of their house brand stuff is worthy of choice, though.

The Milk Pail and Dittmer's are both excellent, and obviously Whole Foods isn't perfect (the one near my mom, for example, sucks), but if you don't want to go to three places to get everything you need, Whole Foods is great. You're spoiled living where you do, Ben.

Does entering a grocery store give no one else the idea of poisoning half the populace? All you folk with guns & ammo, making with the noise pollution and the missed shots and overtaxing the SWAT teams...

And the Safeway excepted, Whole Foods is the cheapest of the other three groceries near me.

There are some things where they're actually much cheaper than generic supermarket chain X. Stuff that seems exotic to chain X, like some spices or recipe components, but which are declasse compared to the rest of the stuff at WF. Recent example- sesame seeds 5x cheaper at WF than chain X.

I'm really going to miss the Milk Pail and Dittmer's when I move. This thing only happens once a week.

Safeway isn't really all that cheap. And it sucks.

What are the other stores? Andronico's and ...

You know, those hungry man dinners give me the fuel to kick your ass.

I'll email you.

Ben, I love you and wish you happiness, but sometimes I want to see the look on your face when you sign your contract at Isolated A&M.

I've only ever been to a Whole Foods when I lived in St. Louis. I second Ben's observation that it's overpriced. But they did carry the Eastwind nut butters that they make on my unabomber-hippy ex-brother-in-law's commune.

"hippy" should be "hippie".

What are you talking about, Labs? In three or four years the market will have changed, just you wait, on account of all those old guys retiring. I'll have my choice of schools!

And they'll give you a pony, too!

Also, I've never been to a Whole Foods but I have seen Giant Sunglasses of Consumption.

If we read 'Unfogged contributor' broadly, my vote's for Adam, mostly for the irony. When good pacifists go bad.

Which also makes me think it'll be kind of funny in twenty years to see who's gone completely conservative.

Let's keep it realistic, Cala.

Mea culpa.

Whole Foods is called Whole Paycheck for a reason, people. The fact that it's the cheapest grocery store where Ogged lives only proves what an utter tool he is.

Plus, what's with this "going to three stores" nonsense? Any decent natural foods grocery store or co-op (and yeah, I realize most of the country lacks those, and part of the reason why is the big ass chains like Whole Foods, so there) is going to have produce, dairy, and at least some meat.

Oh, the winter tomatoes aren't red? That's because it's winter, you ass.

Wow, Ben, I'd never heard that line before. Bite me, William Bowen.

The Milk Pail doesn't have any meat.

36: Oh, he'll spend 2-3 years being utterly miserable--by which I mean, "more miserable than he is now, even"--and then he'll quit and move to a real city and be underemployed just like before he started grad school.

You know, Labs, you don't need an English degree to make allusions. That it's helpful I don't doubt. But it's not necessary.

Oh, and Dittmers doesn't have any produce or dairy.

And I'll have you know that I was employed before grad school!

46: Okay, but you don't really need to buy meat every week anyway. So you go to the meat place once a month, freeze a few chicken breasts, and go to whatever anti-meat place is nearby the rest of the time.

Lassen's, which is my local place, doesn't have a great meat selection either. Somehow, I struggle on.

I just wanted people to remember that this wasn't just some urban legend of academe; there really was a guy saying, "hey, look! figures!" and all of that.

Underemployed, Ben. Could you read before grad school?

Wait, I thought it got better once the ABD wasn't AB. I thought Labs liked cardboard boxes.

Also, Mister Pissant, I'm agreeing with you here that Whole Foods is overrated and sucky.

When B said Bob in comment 2, I at first thought she meant McManus (and not the supposed poster at this site) and was going to suggest that might be too on the nose. My guess is SCMT, only because he's maintained his mysteriousness much better than other commenters who were purportedly committed to it at one time or another. And the only reason anyone would want to be mysterious is evil intent.

Could you read before grad school?

Better than I can now.

Wait, I thought it got better once the ABD wasn't AB.

No, see, if you're lucky, you're an assistant professor.

Which future fallback career of Ben's will be more lucrative: computer whiz or high-priced hustler?

(TV show concept: both!)

Which future Labs career will be more lucrative: plasma seller or plasma TV seller?

Being a girl is great. You can always fall back on military-industrial complex housewife when the PhD thing doesn't work out.

Well shit. Brass ring turns out to have clay feet sorta thing, ain't it?

pdf can't go on a killing spree because of the Laws of Robotics. He might, however, analyze and optimize the best way to carry out that killing spree.

I thought pdf was a brain in a vat. Is he actually a positronic brain in a vat?

He's a classic that way.

If Mr B turns gay, give him my number, 'k, B?

62: I'll tell him you're interested--he's a big fan, he might be willing to make an exception. Especially since you, apparently, believe in vacuuming.

Killing Spree.

55:That's it, the final straw, I am heading out.

Anybody seen Pulp Fiction? I would take my assault rifle to Whole Foods, spray the soy milk crowd, and miss everyone! A entire new church, ney, a new religion would be founded on the miracle!

This being Texas, of course, I would be the guy on the other side from Travolta and Jackson. 16 gay vegans would pull out the Colts and fill me with lead.

The last line of 65 is funny, mcmanus. Maybe this is your chance to quit while you're ahead.

What's less funny: being unfunny, or being the funny police?

B, tell me if these comments are over the line:

(a) [totally funny comment]
(b) [even more hilarious comment]

Dude, I love my new vacuum.

(a) [totally funny comment]

My comment was going to be, "He wouldn't let you play around, Labs" but I thought that was over the line. Now I see that the line is not where I thought it was.

yeah, the problem is that if I were faithful there'd be more sex, and, contrary to your insinuations, Ogged, I'm a heterosexual-- so the jokes are incoherent as a pair.

I get no respect.

My thought, Apo, was that you'd be mellow from your use of perfectly legal tobacco products.

I'm a heterosexual

There goes our readership.

I think it would be gswift as I think he'd know what he was doing and just do it. Perhaps if he hadn't had sex for a while. The rest of you over-articulate fuckers would have to talk about it in minute detail for a few weeks first and you'd get caught.

contrary to your insinuations, Ogged, I'm a heterosexual

It's like Santa Claus died all over again.

But I'll turn gay tricks for readership!! Don't leave; just let me have another drink.

Well yeah. I'm far too lazy to go on a killing spree and too broke to pay someone else to do it for me.

68 works.

69: As always, Ogged, you underestimate me.

Obviously everyone is so filled with fear that they don't dare name anyone.

All right then, I'll say it's Alameida. The deciding factor is that life is cheap where she lives.

Winona Ryder was so cute killing people in "Heathers". She did a lot to break the stereotype.

Does Tia still count?

I'm sure Farber would do it, if it weren't too much of an inconvenience, and didn't require much travel.

Hey, I said gswift, Emerson. (Or one of his daughters perhaps!) I think I'm safe over here ....

It will be me. I work in a goddamn Whole Foods selling vitamins and skincare. Our shitty, high deductible health insurance (the CEO believes that if you eat right, you will never get sick) doesn't cover mental health. There are a lot of tools (some of them kind of stupid) with too much money, and I don't know how I've managed to avoid resorting to violence.

If it wasn't clear in my last comment, I was trying to say that you pretty much need mental health care to keep from going insane when you're working retail.

We'd all think LB was the first, then Farber would show up to say that he'd shot ten people three weeks ago, but we didn't know since we never read his blog. Then there would be rhetorical questions. Many, many rhetorical questions.

86: Yes, more cabbage, less savage.

you pretty much need mental health care to keep from going insane when you're working retail.

I'll second this sentiment, though I merely self-medicated with pot and booze.

Lassen's, which is my local place, doesn't have a great meat selection either. Somehow, I struggle on.

But why, when a life without lots of high-quality animal flesh is so obviously not worth living?

30 - Where do you live, Ogged? The Hamptons? Some secret moon base for the superrich?

88: I'd pick me but I sold the M-76. LB might not be first but I'm convinced she'd do a good job if she was going to bother.

biohazard doesnt get my vote. He kills squirrels to get his tension out.

ogged lives in oggedville.

86: Doesn't cover mental health care? I thought MA had a mental-health parity requirement.

History shows that educated people who go postal tend to efficiently take out the relevant people one by one, rather than spraying into a McDonald's.

91: They have high-quality meat, just not a lot of it. So sometimes you end up buying pork instead of beef, or they don't have salmon that week. It's not the end of the world.

97: The "Facing Life With a Lethal Gene" article prompted me to update my list.

96: Massachusetts does require that health insurance provides mental health coverage. Self-insured plans are not subject to state health insurance regulations, because they are not considered "insurance" but employee benefit plans.

There is a mental health parity requirement for ERISA plans which says that the lifetime benefits in dollar for mental health coverage can not be set lower than for other "physical" illnesses. This doesn't prevent restrictions on the number of visits and higher co-pays. Of course, you can totally get around the requirement by not covering care for any psychiatric condition.

Everyone scans comment pages to see if people are talking about them. But does it say something bad about you if you scan a comment page about spree killing quickly to see if anyone mentioned you?

Ha - 23 came up for me.

Has anyone placed a bet on John Emerson at a wedding chapel yet? It could even be made to fit the guidelines in 97.

I'm with you, helpy-chalk. I can't believe I've only gotten one vote so far. it is impossible to get guns here, though, so I'd probably have to go around hacking people to death with a parang, unless I could talk s33krit agent x into ponying up some small arms.

I'm sorry, Alameida, but you're probably one of the saner people on this site.

Running amok is customary in that part of the world. You'd ingratiate yourself with the locals by adopting local customs.

106. Yeah, I was once curious about the origins of "amok" too.

4: The scoring critera for killing sprees are well-established, you fucking amateurs.

13, 15, 16: "Assault rifle" is a term of military art; "assault weapon" is a distinct term of political art, you fucking amateurs.

My rages are too bursty to result in a killing spree. It's not unlikely that I'd kill one person, then say "oops" and turn myself in rather than trying to rack up points.

Frequent lurker, rare commentator.

Couldn't resist the coincidence of having an insane Whole Foods "moment" this past Saturday (and actually posting about about it) which involved cognitive consideration of M240B's in lieu of Schopenhauer-like restraint.
That is all.

/returning to the bench

Speaking of sick, who watch Sargeant Weirlich on 60 Minutes last night?

I didnt think he did himself any favors.