Ten bucks says she thinks it was the imaginary cockblocker.
Wait -- you still never told her who you were when you asked her out? Man that's weird.
2: My sense of the matter is that ogged tried to explain who he was, but since they never exchanged names, all she had to go on was descriptions of appearances and interactions she may or may not have remembered (incidentally, she knows more than a few Iranians). Which is why it was so heartbreaking.
you still never told her who you were when you asked her out?
When we were sorting it out, she wrote "you're the guy who prefers the middle lanes at the [place I swim]" and I confirmed. I think she's pretty sure, but there's nothing wrong with a little seed of doubt!
"Hey babe -- my name's Xerxes. But my imaginary friends call me -gg-d."
What percentage of you thinks that she will want to go out with you if your turns propel you 15 meters off the wall?
prefers the middle lanes will have to become a byword.
Did you swim in the side lane, just to plant the seed more firmly?
You should probably flash her, just to let her know what she missed out on.
just to plant the seed more firmly?
I thought we'd established that that wasn't going to be happening.
Did you swim in the side lane, just to plant the seed more firmly?
Damn!
Did you ask her if she's ever had an unaccountable burning sensation in her ears during the last month or two?
"Because I can make burning sensations in other places too, baby."
No, Ogged has it right. Say enough to say hello, but don't rock tiny social interactions down to a nub. You want to tease her a little, be intermittent in your affection.
I'm just saying, no one likes to be hounded.
21: I *love* to be hounded, but only when Jessica Alba does it.
She is known for stalking a great number of internet users. She stares them right in the eye, over her shoulder, while bending over in her panties! And every time they think they've gotten rid of her, she urges them to click the file open again, and there she is, openly harrassing innocent men!
you're the guy who prefers the middle lanes
Doesn't everyone? The side lanes have far more turbulence.
Re: the title of this post.
Did you hear the one about the three holes in the ground?
Ogged, not to meddle or anything, but I have some...er, questions, or concerns, I guess... about your mode of courtship.
I've got just the one for you, but she's way the hell up in the frozen tundra. Would you consider relocating to the great white north? (and whoever objects that the "white" of "great white north" is a racial term has never been to Sault-Ste-Marie in January).
IA, I can't tell you how many times I've been to the Canadian immigration site counting up my "points" in the last few months, quite apart from whatever Aryan you have stashed for me up there.
Aryan? Well, look, there's no need to get hostile.
She's a nice Canadian girl, of west-coast-of-Ireland ancestry...we don't think of ourselves as Aryan, which sounds too much like the Angles and the Saxons, but we're not exactly objective, what with that chip on our shoulders, after all.
I do think the two of you might get along.
My recent journey to Canada has convinced me that it would be an excellent place to meet women.
we don't think of ourselves
Are you telling me, IA, that you're angling to become my sister-in-law?
I just scored 86 points!
Which test are you taking, JM? I took the "skilled worker" one, but I could have sworn there was a general one, which I now can't find.
which I now can't find
APPLICATION DENIED.
Dude, I'm going to Canada!
I took the "skilled worker" one. I did fudge a little bit, by counting my teaching gigs as "highly skilled work" and giving myself more disposable cash than I have on hand at the moment. However, having relatives there and those excellent French skills did up my score!
You're right, ogged. With the exception that you can't go to Canada, we can both go to Canada.
Ok, I figured out later that you spoke French and got big points for that. I got a 72, which is enough! Ogged-Adjunct children, here we come!
we can both go to Canada
Then we can have our throwdown to see who gets to stay.
I spoke to soon. My jest is in tatters. Minus 20 points for tattered jest; I cannot go to Canada.
Can I name Jackmormon as my rumble proxy?
Also, every time I read this post's title, I think of the song by Le Tigre.
Can I name Jackmormon as my rumble proxy?
Ask soon.
Well, duh. Yes, Ogged, I am suggesting you should marry my sister. Admittedly, I would have to work on the old man (you're some kind of Muslim, aren't you? if only in a secularized version? Not so cool with our dad, but I think I could work on him).
Would you consider converting to the Church of Rome, which city stands eternal? It would smooth the path, and make things so much easier.
rumble proxy
Isn't that one of the cats on, uh, Cats?
I bet all of our scores would go up with actual Canadian job offers---none of which, probably, would require any knowledge of French. Although it might be rather nice to work for the Canadian gov't.
51: Ah, so all this "nubile Canadian sister" stuff was just a lead-in for the popery? I see how it is.
You've met me and read my blog, and now you want me to marry your sister. What did your sister ever do to you?
As for converting, if I'm in, I'm in all the way, which means no chicks. If you've got a problem with that, I think you'll have more luck working on the old man than on the Holy Father.
I can't help reading 50 as somewhat threatening. And character-assassinating and undermining, of course.
Actually, 50 was simply little bitchy.
But Ogged! You have a chance to have a girlfriend who lives in Canada instead of just a "girlfriend, who lives in Canada"!
Isn't that one of the cats on, uh, Cats?
Rumpelteazer (yes, I looked it up).
Rumpelteazer
I hardly know her.
As for converting, if I'm in, I'm in all the way
That's the ticket. Did I mention that my sister is very cute, and also quite charming? And did you mention that you're a Muslim, albeit a secularized one? I'm looking at time off from Purgatory...
The way to really get back at her would be to pee in the pool.
That's the ticket.
I meant that I'll become a Jesuit. Thank you for your support.
I support your becoming a Jesuit, ogged.
If ogged's pool uses the proper shame-chemicals, he won't have to.
as a child I fantasized about bringing food coloring to the pool so as to actualize this myth. because somebody was peeing in there, for sure. but how much food coloring would be required? too much. one might smuggle in some ink.
One might wonder how you'd manage to implicate someone other than yourself. By shadowing the crotches of the unwary?
that was an untruth. I peed in the pool.
but of course the way would be to swim down to the bottom of the pool, in a densely leggy area, then release said ink, then swim away. shadowing the crotches of the unwary just leads to confusing e-mail exchanges.
shadowing the crotches of the unwary just leads to confusing e-mail exchanges
So that's what I've been doing wrong.
shadowing the crotches of the unwary
Simon Schama really in real life just wrote in The New Yorker about how Rembrandt was especially good at this.
Here:
the darkly cross-hatched groin, whose details Rembrandt (after Titian the greatest soft-porn tease in art) has made tantalizingly invisible.
It's not so hard to get a job in Canada. Hell, I did it.
It's not so hard to get a job in Canada. Hell, I did it.
I had a job interview with a Canadian political magazine my senior year in college. It didn't go well. "You're an American?" "Yeah." "Not a Canadian going to school in the states?" "Right." "And you want to work here?" "Yeah." "Really?" "Yeah." "Don't you think that's odd?" And that is how I became a fake expert on US foreign policy.
It's not so hard to get a job in Canada.
Not all of us are willing to sleep with Jean Chretien, B.
A head of government calling Bush a moron doesn't do it for you? Almost does for me.
80: True, except the current one is an asshat. Better than Bush, but that really isn't saying much. On the other hand, it's a minority government....
I have no idea what you guys are on about.
"Don't you think that's odd?"
The guy was being remarkably honest.