I'm a bit flabbergasted by the revelation that Keith Richards's father was alive until 2002, as Keith himself looks like a walking corpse.

Now imagine the high the Stones will get when Keith dies, and they snort him.

We put my father on a vegetable garden. Creepy or organic?

My first wife's mother died this past February, and she brought the ashes back with her. I was over one evening to pick up Keegan and she asked, "Hey, you wanna see my mom?" Turns out a human body burns down into a pretty small bundle of ashes.

Snorting him seems pretty lightweight. Keith should have cooked him up and injected him. Or for more maturity and gravitas, he should have put him in a pepper mill and sprinkled him over a salad, mixed him into some facial cream, and used him as a foot powder.

I wonder if the Richards family will develop a tradition of snorting their parents.

Gawd, I'm so glad of #4. I saw your name on the side panel, Apo, and I feared the worst: "Done it."

Can you get mad cow from snorting brains?

Would it matter?

#2 just reminded me that Denis Leary did a rather famous bit about snorting Keith Richards' ashes. I thought this story gave me a sense of deja vu.

I was reading an interview with Keith Richards in a magazine and in the interview Keith Richards intimated that kids should not do drugs. Keith Richards! Says that kids should not do drugs! Keith, we can't do any more drugs because you already fucking did them all, alright! There's none left! We have to wait 'till you die and smoke your ashes! Jesus Christ! Talk about the pot and the fuckin' kettle.

Oops, smoking them. But that's ridiculous, everybody knows ashes don't burn.

10: Huh. I don't remember Bill Hicks doing that bit.

girl27!

12: Hicks used to do an "if drugs are so bad, why is Keith Richards still alive?" bit, actually.

14: That's really funny.

Cremation should calm your mad cow. Excerpted from http://www.ehrs.upenn.edu/protocols/sa_destruct.html

Prions are extremely resistant to conventional inactivation procedures including irradiation, boiling, dry heat and chemicals (formalin, betapropiolactione, alcohols). Most procedures reduce infectivity rather than eliminate it. All treated contaminated materials should be discarded through the infectious waste stream and incinerated. Use DISPOSABLE plastic labware whenever possible.

Autoclave dry waste at 132° C for 4.5 hours.
Treat large volumes of infectious liquid waste containing prions with 1N NaOH (final concentration) followed by autoclaving at 132° C for 4.5 hours.
Treat with phenol (1:1); guanidine hydrochloride or isocyanate (>4 mol/L); 1N NaOH (final concentration); sodium hypochlorite (>2% free chlorine) for 24 hours.

Biohazard, indeed.

My mother carried half of her mother's ashes in her trunk for at least a year. I think they're on the dresser now.

I had a cat that I loved a lot from about the age of 6 until a year after Mr. B. and I got married--when she died, I had her cremated. I had a strange impulse, on getting the ashes back, to taste them, so I did. Oddly, it made me feel better.

In other words, I think Keith's got the right idea.

More from the same interview:
"I've been trepanned. That's quite an interesting experience, especially for my brain surgeon, who saw my thoughts flying around in my brain. I've got pictures of it, mate. They cut my head, brain, skull open, went in and pulled out the crap, and put some of it back again."

18: I'm willing half of mine to each kid, to keep in the car for use on icy roads in an emergency. They say they're fine with the idea.

21 is awesome.

I was just telling my son an hour ago where he should spread my ashes when I die.

I forgot to mention snorting some of it. Maybe I should wake him up. Is there an Unfogged communal urn?

ONe can probably be created:

http://www.whiteelks.com/cremationurns.htm

My dad has informed us that he would like to be donated to science. I think that means we're not supposed to do anything sentimental with his remains.

24:

Now, we just need an appropriate etching.

Mom told me once that she wants her box gift-wrapped before she's cremated.

I intend to follow in the footsteps of my grandparents and be shelved for eternity.

Another alternative is to become a gemstone.

(I thought I'd linked that here before, but perhaps not.)

A LifeGem can be between .20 carats and 1.25 carats, with the same quality of the diamonds you would find at any high end jeweler. Our diamond facility expects to be creating diamonds of up to 3.0 carats in the very near future.

Okay, how is it remotely possible to squeeze a 3 carat diamond out of a normal-sized human being?

Wikipedia says:

The company can extract enough purified carbon from one human body to synthesize up to 50 gems weighing one carat (0.2 g) each.

Most of them strongly yellow, it sounds like. That could certainly make for an interesting necklace.

we're not supposed to do anything sentimental with his remains.

Tell him not to piss you off or you'll show him.

Also, I'm a little peeved that these are no longer available.

Yeah, well, I'd hold that over his head except that he's so restrained that he talks to us about everything relating to emotions through my mother.

This place has the good stuff:

http://www.perfectmemorials.com/charcoal-flames-born-ride-motorcycle-cremation-urnindividual-p-582.html

Oooh! Can I retract that last one?

http://www.perfectmemorials.com/real-motorcycle-vtwin-cylinder-cremation-free-engraving-p-2229.html

33: Surely a regular casket + appointment at an auto paint shop = happiness.

35, 36: Oh, no no. I think this one.

Urn, ashtray, same diff.

Recently I've had an argument with friends who've grown up on the East Coast: I absolutely prefer to be buried. I was born and raised in Texas, but I think it was the fate of characters in Greek myths that died at sea that sealed it for me.

Bury me in San Antone, or Austin, or San Angelo—anywhere but here!

I'd think there would be an Unfogged stampede for this one, what with the discount and all.

Donating one's body to science is free.

"Charcoal Flames Born To Ride Motorcycle Cremation Urn-Individual"

Does this mean you can get a Charcoal Flames Born To Ride Motorcycle Cremation Urn-Group?

42: Yup. You can get matched sets of urns so you can distribute yourself to the deserving. I'm thinking my hoard of empty 35mm film containers will suffice, they can pick "Fuji" or "Kodak", et al. as they wish.

Oh, I see. I thought it might be for multiple deceased gang members, so they would look nice together over the bar in the clubhouse.

41: I believe in Britain the scientists make you take it back when they've finished with it, but that may be a rumour.

44: I think they need one or more of these. They're not only great in and of themselves but buying one counts for one's good-deed score.

http://www.eshopafrica.com/gallery/coffins/coffingallery.html